the marriagehandbook

Happy wife, happy life—although true, this axiom has not yet passed in science. What is the formula to a happy marriage? Read on.

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By Lisset Lanza

“Communication is key,” they told us when we were contemplating marriage. Communication, along with these other tips, is what multiple studies say makes a marriage last.

Have a little empathy.

According to one study by Raluca Petrican and her colleagues, a group of psychologists at the Rotman Research Institute in Toronto, it’s super important to be in tune with the emotions of your significant other.

The study was composed of 14 women who were, on average, 70 years of age and married an average of 40 years. During the study these women were asked to watch 10-second clips displaying an emotion of each woman’s husband or a stranger displayed on a screen with a mismatched description, unbeknownst to them. For instance, a man smiling or laughing about a happy memory was labeled as if the man was showing this emotion while talking about a sad memory.

The goal of this study was to judge how a wife would react to her mate showing an emotion that was perhaps di erent than how she was feeling—and if she handles it any di erently with people other than her spouse.

With a brain scan, scientists were able to conclude that the women who reported the highest marriage satisfaction showed enhanced brain activity and processing when watching the videos of their husbands displaying positive emotions. The results during the negative emotion clips were tied between husbands and strangers.

Overall, the study was able to solidify the claim that a little understanding goes a long way.

Find the right balance.

Researchers at the University of Washington say that a healthy marriage should have a ratio of five positive interactions to one negative interaction at any given moment. Of course, keeping constant tally of these moments may cause some tension in the marital arrangement. A good balance? Saying you’re sorry, nice gestures and compromise are all components that make up a happy marriage.

Be happy with yourself first. If you go into a relationship with the mindset that someone is going to complete you, as the term “other half” implies, you will find marriage hard to stand. Research has found that rather than looking for someone to “complete” you, you should find someone to “complement” you. Long before any relationship starts to blossom, you should ask yourself: “Am I happy?” New York Times writer Tara ParkerPope puts it this way, “If you ranked your level of happiness as a 7.5 on a scale of 1 to 10, research shows you’ll pretty much be a 7.5 happy person all your life.”