made a discovery (poem)

when i was born my eyes were moths to the light

the midwife said i had a shining inside

everyone believed

from afar they saw the smoke rise

thought fire must be near

so they were moths to me

i thought my wings were woven with a false silk

so i stayed close to ground 

lest they perish mid-air

when they were torn from my back

by a boy with sugar on his tongue and heat in his step

who swore he really did care

everyone said they saw me in a vision

wrapped in a white cloth

shining from the inside like a crystal ball

they said they saw me up high and i didn’t fall

so i believed

the cloth granted me purity

until i found it had been blemished by a stain

a mark of a bleeding inside

so it started feeling like a cage

i turned it inside out so everyone couldn’t see

but the blood ran too deep

i painted the cloth black and donned a cloak of rebirth

then everyone grieved

brought offerings to the temple of my familiar

held my hand and held a seance

i spoke life to deaf ears so they thought i couldn’t breathe

to me purity was a child’s dream

(i told myself this story once it became out of reach)

i never asked for a white cloth

i never chose to be a martyr

i doubt faith in me was the right cause

i might be an impostor 

with time i kept spinning until the cloth fell

the wings were long gone

and standing as flesh and bone and water

i realized that nothing is more pure than being uncovered

the cloak was made of blue steel

i keep my eyes to the light because i know my way home

i realized that wounds heal.