hiding in plain sight (poem)

i would rather be the sky than know how to fly

belonging to everything and nothing 

you could plant your feet deep into the earth

crack every kink in your spine

reach your arms up high enough to touch God’s sneakers

and you still wouldn’t see her

she walks heavy

steps you can feel but not hear

she wishes you’d pretend she’s not there

what you’re seeing in her eyes is not fear

see,

there’s a machete inside her mouth so she keeps it closed

fires burned inside her heart so she keeps it cold

evidence of crucifixion on her soles

so she walks heavy.

my name sounds different on every single tongue

they ask what i go by and i say unnoticed

here they can’t see the mask 

one time i went somewhere they could 

i asked them my name and they said unholy

i never went back. 

would rather be the whole sky than fly

my tears would ruin everyone’s day

fuck up the prospect park picnics and sidewalk brunches 

while you shed yours on the train

and beg the rain to go away

and come again another day

so i’d feign happy and keep the sun golden

here they can’t see the mask

i swallowed the knife, covered my feet, changed my name from unholy 

here they don’t even ask.