Seeking Connection Whilst Battling Mental Illness

Model, presenter and events organiser Rosie Viva discusses her battle with mental illness.

Meeting Rosie in person, you’d never expect her life story to have been such a rough ride, but I guess that’s always the way with mental illness. On the surface, most of us appear to be totally fine. And that’s what isolates us. In our efforts to remain strong and stable, we close ourselves off from those who genuinely wish to help us, simply because they’re unaware of what’s truly going on in our lives.

Bubbly, charismatic and good-humoured, I knew Rosie and I would get along instantly. There’s a certain unity between those of us who have suffered crushing adversity, and it was the same thread that connected me and Rosie right from the get go. Sitting on her sunny balcony in Hoxton, London, we spoke at length about the trials and tribulations that many of us young and aspiring creatives endure. But it was different for Rosie. Battling with general anxiety disorder, bipolar and the hypomania that comes with it all made forging ahead and creating an organisation centered around helping others in similar situations an even greater challenge.

From an early age, Rosie’s journey has been a beautiful blend of tumult, adventure and struggle. Moving to London at eighteen years old to pursue a career in modelling, Rosie told herself that she’d give it a shot for one year. If it didn’t work out, she’d pursue university and the academic route. “That first year was a flop,” she admits. But that didn’t stop her. After having a bash at modelling for another twelve months, Rosie was taken under the wing of Select Models, an agency that ‘truly believed in her and her full potential’. That was in 2017. Things seemed to be looking up. But by 2018, life took a huge turn for the worse.

“I was very oblivious to the importance of mental health until I suffered myself,” admits Rosie. “I spent the first five months of 2018 trying to figure out what on earth was wrong with me - why I was shaking constantly, feeling nauseous and worrying that I was going to die all of the time.” Rosie recounts how much effort was spent trying to identify a physical cause for her unusual symptoms. Endless scans and tests weren’t doing anything in the way of uncovering what was wrong., and that’s when her doctors eventually realised. This wasn’t a physical illness. It was bipolar.

The next eight months were spent trying to mitigate symptoms with various antidepressants and treatments. “I broke up with my boyfriend around then, too, mainly as a result of me just not feeling like myself. Breaking up with somebody forces you to focus on what’s going on internally. You’re never going to be able to be your full cheery self when there’s other stuff going on in your head.” Not long after the breakup, Rosie found herself feeling uncharacteristically elated for around two weeks. “My friends were shocked to see how happy I suddenly was,” she explains. “Everything smelled good, tasted good - it was like being in this cloud of euphoria. I now know that this was hypomania, a symptom of type-one bipolar, which I was later diagnosed with.”

After three months spent in Ealing Hospital’s ‘Hope’ Ward, Rosie finally began to recover and resume her life as a model and creative. “Since I got better, I’ve felt this need to voice everything that happened,” she goes on. “When you speak about these things and people can relate, you start to feel this sense of community. It helped me get better and I know that others can be helped by me speaking so openly about it.” It’s this community-centered drive that fuels much of Rosie’s efforts as part of her nonprofit organisation, Viva Fever. Viva Fever brings together like-minded people into casual spaces where they can talk openly about their own journeys, all whilst raising money and awareness for mental health charities.

Imagery by Joseph Marchant

“Now, three years later, since accepting and learning how to manage the disorder, it’s one of those things that I’ve become quite happy to have so long as I treat it with respect. I’ve come to harness the strengths that come with it, in a way.” Asking Rosie about the importance of connecting with others along her journey, she explains how crucial relationships with others have been to her own personal recovery. “For me, personally, I didn’t realise the importance of connection until I started making a documentary this year about bipolar. We started filming it in January 2021 and finished at the start of April. I met people for the first time in person who’d had a similar experience to me. That peer support is so beautiful and vital in anyone’s recovery because in a second you can read someone’s emotions in real life and pick up on their energy. Connection, for me, has taught me so much. I’ve learned so much from people much older than me who manage their disorder really well.”

She continues, “It’s weird how seeing someone in person, you feel their energy and learn so much more than if you were to just message online. When I had anxiety, that connection every week with a psychotherapist always gave me so much mental ease because they’d make me feel normal and really be on my side.”

The importance of in-person connection really can’t be overstated, especially in a world marred by mental illness and dominated by social media. Our efforts to connect online have left many of us feeling more disconnected than ever. As Rosie’s story indicates, you really can’t substitute the value of in-person relationships with digital communication. If the COVID-19 pandemic and subsequent lockdowns have taught us anything, it’s that humans are very social creatures. We need each other, and often, our relationships are our greatest strength. To quote Rosie, “Connectivity and being around people is something that we’re all learning the importance of. Whether you’ve had mental illness or you just have highs and lows on a weekly basis, it’s a really exciting time now that we’re getting that connection back. I think everyone should pat themselves on the back for how they’ve dealt with the last year, and recognise that it has been a really challenging time for everyone at any age.”

I think everyone should pat themselves on the back for how they’ve dealt with the last year, and recognise that it’s been a really challenging time for everyone at any age.”

Rounding off our conversation as the sun begins to set over the skyline of London, I asked Rosie what advice she might wish to give somebody else that finds themselves suffering with the same afflictions that she previously endured. “Most importantly,” she says, “recognise that, before any diagnosis, you may have already had the hardest years of your life by going through those emotions without any support. For me, the most overwhelming feeling was being given that diagnosis, but in hindsight, I can see that was the first and most important step towards my recovery.”

“So what’s next for you?” I asked Rosie as we began packing away our equipment. “The main thing right now is finishing editing the documentary. I’m aiming to have it tied up by October. Like everything I do around mental health, the documentary is purely a passion project. My main aim is to take it to universities and places where mental illness is more prevalent. I think even if you don’t experience these things yourself, it’s important to have an understanding of mental illness so that you can better support loved ones who might be experiencing anxiety, depression, grief or anything else.”

It was beautiful to see such a warm and genuine smile on Rosie’s face during our interview. To see firsthand that there’s always a way out of mental illness, even when life feels so terribly unbearable, was truly inspiring. And I think we can all learn a lot from Rosie and others struggling with similar experiences. Even at our lowest lows, the dark days in our lives will eventually pass. Just as night and day come in cycles, I thought to myself as I watched the sun set behind Rosie, so, too, do sadness and happiness. We just have to keep moving forward.