Real Talk: Mental Health By Kelly Williams, LMFT, Clinic Director, and Giselle Vallejo, LPCC, Lead Clinician The Steven A. Cohen Military Family Clinic at VVSD, San Diego www.vvsd.net/cohenclinics
How Do You Create Lasting Change Beyond What’s Determined on New Year’s Eve? How About, Don’t. As we approach the new year, it can be quite common for us to reflect on how we navigated our responsibilities over the last 12 months. Beyond reflection, we might also take some time to think about how we want to approach the upcoming year in new or different ways. That can become overwhelming for some people and there can be added pressure to create new year’s resolutions. But we recommend taking a different spin on it and, instead, taking time to recognize what has been accomplished. Often, people tend to focus on what they should be doing, what they could have done, and less attention is placed on what you have achieved.
Here are some things to consider: • Stigma related to continual improvement can be a method of growth, but it can also limit us from reflecting on our strengths or resiliency that we have formed. Instead of focusing on what you want to change, try focusing on what you want to maintain. For example, maybe you were successful at eating more consistent meals. Something you can tell yourself is, “I did a great job of taking care of myself and that made me feel really good!” It is important to remind yourself of your successes and abilities.
you can set a goal for a period of time and allow yourself the chance to check in before getting upset that you didn’t make it a full 365 days.
• Try replacing the word “improve” with “strengthen.” The word “improve” can often feel like you are taking away from the strengths and abilities you already possess. Instead of saying “I want to improve my physical fitness” try, “I want to strengthen my physical abilities.”
• You can also create a mantra for yourself that will help you focus on what you want to strengthen or achieve, “I control my anger, it does not control me” or “I will have control of my thoughts” or “Feelings aren’t facts” and “Don’t forget to breathe.”
Also, try taking some time to identify what you are looking forward to in the new year. This does not have to be the typical things you think of with new year’s resolutions.
• Try creating a list of things you would like to do for the upcoming year. You may have spent some time making travel plans for the new year. Maybe you have plans for a family event, and you are really looking forward to that. Tracking time by activities is another valuable form of measure.
• Wondering how to create lasting change that is more than a goal determined on New Year’s Eve? How about, don’t. We humans are meant to change, evolve, and grow. Something that seemed important to master in January might not be as important in June. Try conceptualizing how relavent these goals will be 7 days from now, 7 weeks and 7 months. Perhaps, 42
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• Identify a word for the year. A great way to reflect on the year is to find a word that can wrap up the way you approached successes or challenges. Maybe there was more “intention” behind your actions. And for the upcoming year you may want to focus on speaking kindly to yourself, “self-compassion” can be your new year word.
Increasing healthy habits is often a common new year’s resolution, which is why we see gyms extremely busy at the beginning of the year. However, health is more than just physical health. Mental health is just as important to maintain, and we don’t mean just attending your therapy appointments. Here are some ways to focus on strengthening mental health.