On Dit 89.2

Page 54

Peter works part-time at a pizza parlour. Pat, Peter’s employer, is particularly worried about Peter. Having worked with him for a long time, Pat knows that Peter is a hard worker and a money maker. Peter’s pizzas are – in the parlance of the perennially picky populace – pretty pleasing to the palate.

Peter the Pancake Peddler

The problem is, recently, Peter has periodically pestered Pat with the proposition of peddling pancakes. Pancakes are where the paper’s at, as Peter would say; practically everyone is profiting prodigiously from peddling pancakes.

54

Pat, predictably, feels nonplussed pertaining to Peter’s prattle. “I’m perfectly happy to peddle pancakes,” Pat professes, “but we’re predominantly a pizza parlour, not a pancake pantry. I still want you to prepare pizzas, principally.” “Sure thing, boss,” says Peter, as he prepares another pancake. “Don’t you worry, I recognise pizza as a fundamental human right and fundamental to upholding our calorific values.” Pat shrugs and lets the matter pass. The truth is, Peter’s pancakes are popular, with lots of paying customers. It is very hard to tell Peter off, Pat admits, when his policy of pancake peddling is pulling in piles of paper. Weeks later, Pat finds out that Peter has been partaking in Paypal payments from Pancakes Pty. The sums weren’t peanuts either. That would explain why Peter is so persistent about peddling Pancakes! Pat postulates. Pat presses Peter about these payments. “What’s all this paper you’ve been pocketing from Pancakes Pty.?” Pat asks. “Are they paying you to peddle pancakes?” “Not at all!” Peter protests. “They’re just good pals of mine, who want to deepen cultural and economic ties with pizza parlours through a peaceful and lawful exchange of ideas and ideologies.” “Oh, fair enough,” says Pat, not knowing what that means, exactly. “But I wish you’d told me about it.” “What’s the big deal, boss?” Peter asks. “We’re pocketing prodigious profits from peddling pancakes! That’s preem, right?” Pat scratches his head. “I guess, yeah, it’s no big deal.” Weeks later, Pat sees a proclamation in the papers: Pancake Pty Denounces Pizza as a Food Preference! Perturbed, Pat points it out to Peter. “Hey, what’s all this about them not liking pizzas?” “Oh, don’t worry about that boss,” Peter says. “They just like to preach, nothing will come of it. By the way, can I sell more pancakes? I want to sell about 17% more pancakes year-onyear.” “I already told you, Peter, we’re a pizza parlour,” Pat points out, perplexed. “I’m happy with us peddling pancakes, but not at the expense of our pizzas.”


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Articles inside

the present moment

2min
pages 60-61

specimen

4min
pages 64-68

peter the pancake peddler

4min
pages 54-55

collective please stand up?

6min
pages 50-53

Stripes. Interview

3min
pages 46-49

hate

3min
pages 44-45

biden’s big 4 challenges how algorithms make us

5min
pages 42-43

australian pub

4min
pages 40-41

a univeristy story

2min
pages 38-39

review: girls can’t surf

2min
pages 36-37

dimweather

3min
pages 34-35

sustanabili-dit

5min
pages 26-27

reddit v Wallstreet

5min
pages 32-33

products

4min
pages 30-31

obituary to balcony bar

1min
pages 28-29

CLub Spotlight

1min
pages 24-25

LEFT RIGHT CENTRE

5min
pages 22-23

state of the union

2min
page 11

international student voice

4min
pages 18-19

sex and the small city

3min
pages 20-21

rural student voice

2min
pages 16-17

econ dit

4min
pages 14-15

vox pop

2min
pages 12-13

editorial

1min
page 7

src president

2min
page 10
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