Active Family Magazine, February 2023

RAISING AN ANXIOUS CHILD

FAMILY WINTER ESCAPE

Publisher/Editor

Tracie Brown Vollgraf

Travel Editor

Elizabeth Kang

ekang@activefamilymag.com

Social Media Manager and Sales Manager

Trista Cambra-Flanders

Design/Production

Teresa Agnew Craft

Contributing Authors

Dr. Christine Carter

Dr. Meg Meeker

Dr. Laura Markham

Susan Stifelman

Elizabeth Kang

Dr. Madeleine Vieira

Mary Jo Terry

Christine Carter, Ph.D.*, is a sociologist and happiness expert at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center. She is the author of “RAISING HAPPINESS: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents.” She teaches online happiness classes that help parents bring more joy into their own lives and the lives of their children, and she writes an award-winning blog for *Greater Good* (www.greatergoodparents.org).

3 Ways to Keep Technology from Ruining Your Relationships

by Christine Carter, Ph.D.

In Triumphs of Experience, George Vaillant writes that “there are two pillars of happiness revealed by the seventy-five-year-old Grant Study. One is love. The other is finding a way of coping with life that does not push love away.”

We all do things — perhaps daily — that push the people we love away from us. We sneak “harmless” glances at our smartphones while playing games with our children. We forget to take thirty seconds to greet our spouse warmly when we haven’t seen her or him all day. We decline a call from our friend or grandmother because we don’t feel like mustering the energy to truly listen. This modern world we live in is full of common situations and experiences which, if not handled well, create resistance rather than ease, impairing the strength that a relationship brings us. Tiny ruptures in our relationships drive love

and connection out of our lives.

You know the feeling: You’re having coffee with an old friend, and her cell phone keeps buzzing. She’s left her thirteen-year-old daughter home alone, so she keeps checking her phone, just to make sure everything is okay. But then a text comes in from one of her colleagues who is working late on a problematic project. Your friend feels the need to answer her questions. In the end, you feel you had only half her attention for most of the meal. It was good to see her, but the friendship isn’t what it once was.

Or you are having dinner with your extended family, and everyone is excited to catch up with the college kids who are home. But throughout dinner, the kids can’t resist the pull of Snapchat, laughing at photos that school friends send and trying to share them before they fade. Soon, all the adults have their phones out, too, just to check what’s happening on their Twitter feed or to post a picture of the college students on their Facebook page. No one really gets to catch up with the kids.

In these situations, and many others we’ve all experienced, our smartphones and laptops and tablets and all the social media they carry disrupt the very social connections they promise to create. They make us available to work 24/7, which might seem like a bonus to our relationships because now we can have our work and our family time, too — in theory.

But actually, technology can damage our relationships and our work. We don’t really experience our family time, and the work we do while spending time with friends and family isn’t our best. Rather than bringing us together, new technologies often create an illusion of togetherness, but without the joys, benefits, and, frankly, the challenges that real relationships bring.

others. Each time our phone dings, we get a nice hit of dopamine, a neurochemical that activates the reward system in our brain. It feels good, but it also makes us less willing to return to the much more demanding world of live conversation. Real-life friendship has a lot of benefits, but instant gratification is rarely one of them.

Our live relationships can be exhausting compared to our online “friends.” At the end of the day, it is so much less taxing to text a friend than to actually call her. It is so much less draining to update our Facebook page and reap the instant satisfaction of dozens of “likes” than to share our ideas and interests with our actual neighbors. In the short run, it seems easier to connect with others through technology, but we need to be clear that this is a false ease. In the long run, these behaviors introduce strain into our relationships.

Sherry Turkle, an MIT sociologist and author of Alone Together, writes that we avoid the vulnerability and messiness of “real” contact and intimacy while getting the sweet satisfaction of a neurochemical high from being connected digitally to more and more people. We can hide from each other, even while we are tethered together.

This hiding from others (and sometimes from our own feelings) that technology can facilitate is a pernicious poison in our relationships. Fortunately, the technology itself is not at all the problem. We need only to use it differently.

HERE ARE 3 WAYS TO KEEP YOUR GADGETS FROM HARMING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS:

1. Carve Out Technology-Free Zones And Times In Your Life When You Can Pay Mindful Attention To What Is Happening In Real Time.

Our technology addiction erodes our connection with

Being really present with people means that when we

are on the phone with them, we don’t do anything else. It means initiating real, face-to-face conversations with people, even though they can bring conflict, even though they can be tiring. When we are really present, we stop interrupting ourselves and others all the time. It might be gratifying to sneak a peek at your texts, but we don’t have to react to our devices all the time. We can command them instead of always letting them command us.

2. Practice Being Alone. When We Don’t Learn How To Tolerate (And Even Relish) Solitude, We Often Feel Lonely.

“Solitude — the ability to be separate, to gather yourself—is where you find yourself so that you can reach out to other people and form real attachments,” explains Turkle. “When we don’t have the capacity for solitude, we turn to other people in order to feel less anxious or in order to feel alive. When this happens, we’re not able to appreciate who they are. It’s as though we’re using them as spare parts to support our fragile sense of self.”

Spend time alone at home and in the car unconnected. Learn to tolerate the initial boredom that may come; it will pass. Go on a hike or to the beach without a cell phone. Deep down I think we all have a deep, dark terror of being alone and are hardwired to stay with our clan. But when we experience our ability to turn inward— which we can do only when we need the silence and stillness of solitude — we realize that we are never really alone. We feel our innate connectedness. So we need to catch ourselves when we “slip into thinking that always being connected is going to make us feel less alone,”

writes Turkle. “It’s the opposite that’s true. If we’re not able to be alone, we’re going to be more lonely.”

3. Limit The Time

You Spend In Virtual Worlds — Including Facebook And Instagram.

Virtual realities, video games, and social media are addictive. In the short term it can be far more rewarding to spend time in a fantasy world — rewarding in the way that a sugary soda is rewarding (but very unhealthy if over-consumed). Social media and other virtual realities allow us to put on our best performances, showing the world the moment when we looked (or imagined ourselves to look) pretty or felt proud. If we’re feeling lonely, we can easily “connect” with dozens of online “friends.” More than that, we can avoid the problems of real people and real relationships in all their untidiness and vulnerability and pain (and all our own messiness, as well).

But the reality is (no pun intended) that our vulnerabilities create real intimacy and draw us together, and when we avoid the messiness that real-life relationships require, we end up isolated and disconnected. So be very deliberate: Use online games, social media, and virtual realities to facilitate live connections with real people, choosing real connections and real people over fake ones. Use Facebook to deepen your connection with a faraway friend by sharing articles, photos, and videos that you think she will appreciate. Play online games with your son rather than a stranger. Use match. com to make new connections, but then actually meet those connections live, in person,  instead of constraining your relationships to online forums.

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FamilyEscapeWinter

RUSH CREEK LODGE & YOSEMITE

by Elizabeth Kang

Take a break from Tahoe this winter and head east for your next family getaway, where an upscale family lodge welcomes you to relax by the fire, and a stunning, snow-white-Yosemite waits, hushed and pristine, for your arrival.

WHERE TO STAY

Rush Creek Lodge — The newest hotel in the Yosemite area is a creating a lot of buzz, and for good reason — Rush Creek Lodge is the first hotel to open in Yosemite in over 25 years, and it’s both rustic and gorgeous. Opened in 2016, Rush Creek Lodge is just a few-minutes drive to the west entrance of Yosemite, and offers guests comfortable, upscale lodging in a gorgeous woodland setting. Rush Creek Lodge is currently offering deep discounts on winter stays, so it’s also an affordable time to visit.

Named after the area’s historic ties to the Gold Rush, Rush Creek Lodge offers 143 spacious rooms, suites and hillside villas that are perfectly suited for small to large families, with delicious onsite eateries serving house-smoked salmon and woodoven seasonal flatbreads, a heated outdoor saltwater pool and two hot tubs, an onsite market offering everyday essentials and grab’n’ go fare, and a serene, full-service spa.

The pool area is dotted with cozy fire pits that are perfect for enjoying a Hot Toddy and the resort’s nightly complimentary s’mores event. A highlight of Rush Creek Lodge is their large indoor game area, where kids, teens and adults can play foosball and pool, play with board games and toys, and even climb the sprawling wrap-around treehouse play structure. There are also daily planned activities, kids’ crafts, and nature presentations scheduled throughout the day. Children can learn about geodes and crystals, weave a reed basket, dissect owl pellets, or participate in a family painting lesson during any given week at the lodge.

WHAT TO DO

Sledding & Snow Tubing — There’s no winter activity that children love more than a fun-filled day on the snow, sledding and snow tubing downhill. Luckily for them, there are plenty of opportunities in Yosemite that offer both. The Badger Pass Ski area offers gentle slopes for tubing and sledding, with equipment to rent. On highway 120, there’s a free snow play area located on the Big Oak Flat Road, and near Fish Camp, a snow play area with a large hill is located about a mile south of Yosemite’s southern entrance.

Snowshoe — Both Rush Creek Lodge and Evergreen Lodge offer guided snowshoe adventures to the lookout point Dewey Point, where snowshoers are rewarded with breathtaking views of El Capitan, Yosemite Valley, and other famous landmarks. This fullday adventure is open to guests ages 12 and up. Another snowshoeing adventure offered by both resorts that’s appropriate for beginners is the Giant Sequoia Snowshoe adventure, where guests ages eight and up can snowshoe a three-mile roundtrip half-day tour through the Giant Sequoias. Snowshoers will delight in the stunning contrast of pure-white snow and vivid, reddish-brown bark of the giant, majestic trees.

Ice Skating — A winter getaway isn’t complete without an hour or two spent on the ice skating rink, and happily, Yosemite offers one of the prettiest spots to glide, twirl, or even fall on your bum. One won’t mind the fall when the scenery is as pretty as it is on the outdoor Curry Village Ice Rink. Open in the winter, the family friendly Curry Village Ice Rink treats guests to stunning views of Half Dome, with cozy fire pits to enjoy, as well.

WHAT TO DO & SEE

Stargaze — Yosemite is a prime location for stargazing, and Rush Creek Lodge provides guests with an amazing opportunity to take in the night sky, up close and personal. Their 12" aperture Dobsonian Telescope offers an amazing view of the stars, where guests will learn about constellations, galaxies, and observe planets, among other astronomical marvels.

Winter Sightseeing — Winter, (and early Spring) happens to be the only time of the year that lucky visitors can witness Frazil Ice — a fascinating natural occurrence that happens when freezing mist meets Yosemite’s rivers, creating a river of flowing giant slush. In February, another winter phenomenon takes place during sunset at Horsetail Fall, when the sunlight glistens on the fall to create the illusion of bright red lava. It’s a wondrous site that’s best viewed from El Capitan Meadow

Spy on Wildlife — Bears may be deep in hibernation, but there is still plenty of wildlife out and about in the frosted wilderness of Yosemite during the winter months. Black-tailed deer, bobcats, Douglas squirrels, coyotes, and snowywhite Jack Rabbits are just a few of the mammals busying themselves in the early mornings and evenings. Early morning hikers may have the best luck spotting mammals and birds, when the wildlife is up foraging and hunting for breakfast. Bird watchers will want to keep an eye out for owls, stellar jays, woodpeckers, eagles and others.

GETTING AROUND

Shuttle — Take advantage of the convenience of Yosemite’s shuttle service, which operates year-round. According to Yosemite’s website, the Yosemite Valley shuttle “provides service around eastern Yosemite Valley, including stops at or near all overnight accommodations, stores, and major vistas. This shuttle operates all year from 7 am to 10 pm.” The El Capitan Shuttle “stops at El Capitan, Four Mile trailhead, and the Valley Visitor Center. This shuttle operates from mid-June through early October from 9 am to 5 pm.”

Bus — The Yosemite Regional Transport Service (YARTS) ferries guests to and from Rush Creek Lodge, among other hotels, right to Yosemite Valley.

Dr. Laura Markham is the author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. She earned her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University and has worked as a parenting coach with countless parents across the English-speaking world, both in person and via phone. You can find Dr. Laura online at AhaParenting.com, the website of Aha! Moments for parents of kids from birth through the teen years, where she offers a free daily inspiration email to parents.

Talking To Your Child About Alcohol: What To Ask & What To Say

by Dr. Laura Markham

"Last summer a teen in my community died in a car accident after a drinking party. Can you give tips on how to talk to my kids about alcohol? They're 7 and 11." - Dan

Smart dad! Parents are the most important influence on whether kids drink alcohol, and the earlier you start these conversations, the better. Kids whose parents teach them the risks of using drugs and alcohol are half as likely to use them.

The good news is that recent research shows that drinking alcohol is on the

decline among teens, with about 60% of teenagers of all ages saying they don't drink. The bad news is that some of these teens are using marijuana instead of alcohol. The ideas in this article focus mostly on alcohol, but can be adapted to discussions with teens about how to resist marijuana use, even as recreational use of marijuana is being legalized in many places.

Don't wait until your kids are teens before you have these conversations. This is a topic you'll want to revisit over the years as your child reaches new levels of understanding -- and temptation.

For a 7 year old: "When is it okay to drink alcohol? That's right, when you're a grown-up!"

For an 11 year old: "It’s my job to help you stay healthy. I know that lots of kids around you will try alcohol and you'll naturally be curious about it. You can always tell me and ask me anything you want, and we can brainstorm what you can say to your friends, but I don't want you drinking. It's bad for you in so many ways."

For a 15 year old: "When you are a grown-up, whether you drink is up to you. Right now, though, it is up to me to help you protect yourself. Drinking alcohol is against the law and it's dangerous for you. I want you to take care of yourself so you have the best life possible now and in the future.”

When there's an accident in your community, talk to your child about it, even if he's only nine. "This was a tragedy that could so easily have been avoided... alcohol is not for high school students... their bodies and brains are not ready to handle it yet. That's why it's against the law for kids to drink alcohol."

2. ANSWER THEIR QUESTIONS.

"But why are grown-ups allowed to drink? They get in accidents, too!" your 11 year old might say.

"You're right, Sweetie. No one should drink and drive. And even for grown-ups, alcohol does change the brain so the person doesn't think as well or react as quickly. But for adults who drink moderately, that change is temporary. When kids try alcohol before their brains are mature, the alcohol actually changes the way the brain develops, so the effects are long-lasting. It also makes those young people much less likely to be able to handle drinking as adults. That's one of the reasons it's so important to wait until you're older."

For all ages: "I know that marijuana is being legalized, but not for young people. That's because your brain is still growing, and any psychoactive substance affects the way your brain develops. When you're an adult, you can make your own decisions about marijuana, but I expect you to say No to it until you're of age."

"A lot of kids drink or try edibles ... Why do I have to wait until I'm grown up?"

• Because your brain is still developing, so using alcohol or marijuana actually changes the way your brain works and makes it less smart, and less happy -- for the rest of your life.

• Because kids who try alcohol before age 15 are four times more likely to develop alcoholism than those who begin after age 20.

• Because cannabis changes the dopamine circuitry in

1. START TALKING ABOUT ALCOHOL AND DRUGS EARLY, WHENEVER IT'S RELEVANT.

3. SET CLEAR EXPECTATIONS.

4. GIVE YOUR KIDS FACTS BEFORE YOU THINK THEY NEED THEM.

your brain, making you more likely to feel depressed and more stressed by normal daily life, unless you are high. Because this is happening while your brain is developing, it changes your brain not just for the moment, but long-term.

• Because being a teenager is hard, and making good choices requires all your best thinking. Teens can't think as well when they drink or are high, so you're more likely to do things you'll be sorry about later.

• Because it's bad for your body. (For kids who play sports, this can be especially convincing.)

• Because it's against the law.

5. KEEP COMMUNICATION OPEN.

Kids often test you to see if you'll over-re act, before they trust you with their biggest concerns. So when you hear "Oliver snuck vodka into school today in a Starbucks cup," take a deep breath and stay calm so you can listen.

Instead of "That's terrible! I hope he got in big trouble!" -which shuts down the conversation -- you might get your child talking and thinking with questions like:

"Wow! How could you tell he was drinking? .... What did the other kids do?... Did other kids try it?... How did they act?... What did you think?... Did you want to try it?.... Why or why not?.... Why do you think Oliver did that?... What ended up happening?... Do you think other kids will try this now?.... Would you ever do something like that?.... Why or why not?... Did any of the kids handle this incident in a way you admired?"

6. COACH INSTEAD OF TRYING TO CONTROL.

You can't actually control your child when they're out of your sight. But you can help them become a person

who has good values and good judgment. You do that by modeling and by talking. Ask questions to help your child reflect on what’s important to them and who they want to be. Then listen hard. You'll learn a lot from their answers.

• Why do you think it's illegal for kids and teens to drink alcohol?

• What would you do if you were in a car and the driver had been drinking?

• What about if the driver was a grown-up, like the parent of a friend?

• Do you know any adults who drink too much? What do you think of them?

• Have you ever thought that I drank too much? Acted differently when I drank alcohol?

• Do you know any kids who have tried alcohol or drugs?

• Do you think that's a problem?

• Why do you think kids try alcohol?

• When do you think kids are ready to try alcohol?

• What do the kids at your school do at parties? Have you been to a party like that?

• Have you ever been offered a drink? How did you handle it? Were you tempted? Why or why not?

• What could you say if you were offered a drink and you didn't want to look foolish?

• What could you do at a party if you were feeling a little nervous, besides drinking?

• What would you do if you were at a party and someone passed out from drinking alcohol?

• Have you ever heard of rohypnol pills, often called "roofies"? This is a prescription-only sedative that has been used in many date rapes because it incapacitates the victim. How would you protect yourself against someone putting a roofie in your drink?

• Would you be worried about becoming addicted to alcohol or drugs? Why or why not?

7. HAVE PRACTICE CONVERSATIONS WITH YOUR CHILD

...about the various scenarios he might encounter and the decisions he might have to make. What might he do or say? For instance, if someone offers him a drink:

• "No, thanks, I’m the designated driver."

• "No, thanks, I want to keep a clear head tonight."

• "No, thanks, I don’t drink."

• "No, thanks, my playing on the team is too important to me."

• "No, thanks, I’m allergic to alcohol."

•"No thanks, I love my cokes plain."

• "No thanks, I take medication that interacts with alcohol in a dangerous way."

• "No, thanks. My parents would ground me forever if they found out -- and they always do!"

8. SHARE PRACTICAL STRATEGIES.

Alcohol is part of many teen gatherings, just as it is part of many adult gatherings. Brainstorm with your child

to come up with ideas about how they can support themselves to remain a non-drinker. For instance:

• Cultivate a group of other non-drinkers who enjoy doing things you enjoy, like board games, cooking or crafts.

• Ask your parents to help you make your home the gathering place of choice for non-alcoholic events.

• Find another non-drinking teen to go with you to any party where there is alcohol, for mutual support.

• At parties where there is alcohol, bring a favorite nonalcoholic drink to sip on.

• When you go to a party where there is alcohol, have an alternative plan in case the drinking starts to get out of hand. For instance, agree in advance with a friend that you'll leave early and go to your house for popcorn and a movie, unless you're both loving being there.

9. MAKE SURE YOUR TEEN HAS OTHER OPPORTUNITIES FOR EXTREME FUN.

Teens need excitement and to test themselves in new situations that involve excitement and risk. Encourage your teen to meet these needs safely, whether through physical activity like skateboarding or rock climbing, or through a passion like acting.

10. RAISE A CHILD WHO CAN SAY NO.

When kids are raised to obey authority without question, they sometimes can't assert themselves when other teens act like authorities. When your child says no, listen, and when possible, try to find win-win solutions. You'll raise a young person who WANTS to cooperate with you, and who follows her own moral compass. When you wish your

child would just obey without asserting her side of things, remember the saying: "Obedience is doing what you're told no matter what's right. Morality is doing what's right no matter what you're told."

11. WHEN YOUR CHILD DOES TRY ALCOHOL, BE THERE TO TALK ABOUT IT.

Like it or not, most kids will try alcohol before they're 21. Your goal is to postpone that day as long as possible, AND to keep good communication with your child so that when they do start drinking, you know about it. Then you can help them think through how to keep themselves safe.

happens on Monday at school when friends ask "What was the emergency? " In my experience, they rarely ask, but if your teen needs an explanation, they can simply say, "You know my mom. Everything is an emergency."

Don't let a momentary lapse become a tragedy. “Never hesitate to call me if you're in trouble or one of your friends is in trouble. I will be there if you need me, no matter what, and no punishment.”

13. Model healthy living.

"I hear that you're curious and want to try drinking. But you don't know how your body will react. What would you do to be sure you're safe? How would you be sure that you have a friend with you who isn't drinking, who you can count on? How would you be sure you can take care of yourself if some guy you're not interested in gets forceful? How would you get home?"

12.

Set up a signal that your child can text to you, such as a code word or a specific emoji, that is only used as a signal for "Come get me!" As soon as your child texts you that signal, your job is to immediately text your child that there is a family emergency, so you are coming to pick up your child. That allows your teen to tell her friends that her mean parents are making her come home for some family emergency. Parents often ask "What

Research shows that kids are influenced by their parents' drinking. So if you drink heavily, your child is more likely to start drinking earlier and to drink more heavily. Model a responsible relationship with alcohol. Equally important, model handling your own emotions responsibly, which gives kids the foundation they need to manage their own emotions, so they don't self-medicate.

14. Foster emotional intelligence.

Help your child learn to notice his own moods and work through his feelings in a healthy way. Help him find positive ways to deal with stress. Drinking is one way that teens "self-medicate" when they don't have healthier ways to process their feelings.

15. Above all, stay connected with your child, at every age. Every bit of influence you have with your child derives from your relationship.

MAKE A PLAN NOW TO BE YOUR TEEN'S BACKUP.

Doctor Madeleine Vieira is a Clinical Child Psychologist registered with the Health and Care Professions Council (HCPC) and has a special interest in Childhood Anxiety Disorders and Infant Mental Health. Working in private practice, Dr. Vieira offers Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Cognitive Behavioral Play Therapy, Play and Creative Arts Therapy, and Diagnostic Assessments to children. Dr. Vieira has lived in six countries and currently resides in London, UK with her husband and three children. They have a Shih-Tzu called Caesar who barks too much when the doorbell rings and is nothing like the Emperor! Dr. Vieira’s hobbies include, portrait photography, world travels, dancing, and languages.

3 Things to Do if You're Raising an Anxious Child

by Dr. Madeleine Vieira

The past couple of years have been hard on all of us, especially children who may already struggle with their emotions. Many children suffer with anxiety but don’t have the words to describe what they are feeling or the skills to regulate themselves and so it’s up to parents and caregivers to notice and tackle the issue head on.

Is the question, “Mom, what if…?” followed by the disaster of the day on repeat in your household? No matter how many ways you assure them they’re safe—does their brain still get on an anxiety loop of worst-case

scenarios? And are you struggling to soothe them when their fear or worry becomes overwhelming?

Navigating a childhood anxiety disorder can be really taxing. There are only so many ways you can assure your child they’re okay and when their brain gets on an anxiety loop of “what if… what if… what if…” it can feel impossible to flip the switch. So how do you help them cope when you’re hanging on by a thread yourself? You start with learning the signs and symptoms.

Signs of Anxiety in Children

Anxiety in children can look and sound different than anxiety in adults. So, what does childhood anxiety actually look like?

• Crying spells

• Frequent stomachaches and/or headaches

• Being unwilling to go to school or attend social events with peers

• Being afraid that something bad will happen to you or other loved ones

• Changes in mood, sleeping and eating habits or behavior

Symptoms vary from disorder to disorder. That’s why seeking professional evaluation and treatment is so necessary and important.

Should I Be Worried About My Child’s Anxiety

It’s completely normal for children to be anxious or worried sometimes. They are human, after all! Anxiety can be a healthy emotion and it’s normal for children to get scared or nervous when facing a new challenge, meeting new people, or being in an unfamiliar environment. The anxiety might feel unpleasant, but is often manageable. It also protects us, such as when we

look before crossing the road.

Anxiety becomes a disorder when it starts affecting and interfering with your day to day life and becomes unmanageable. It’s a feeling of worry, fear, or uneasiness. It can cause a variety of physical symptoms including rapid heartbeat, sweating, dizziness, trembling, weakness, and agitation. The feeling of the fear may be with you permanently which can become debilitating and cause you to stop doing the things you once enjoyed. If left untreated, anxiety symptoms can exacerbate and affect the quality of the sufferer's life.

When a child has an anxiety disorder, they feel extreme fear and worry. And the anxiety they feel is disproportionate to the situation at hand. It might feel impossible for them to relax because their worry is so pervasive. Their “fight or flight” response is activated even when there isn’t any real danger present. And they might have symptoms that show they aren’t coping with their fear and stress very well.

Your child may try to hide their anxiety from you due to shame, fear, or just not knowing what’s going on inside their own body and brain. Try to cultivate a sense of safety so they share their feelings and experiences with you.

If your child’s anxiety is so severe they feel physically ill, don’t want to go to school, have trouble focusing on schoolwork, and you’re unable to soothe them, then you may want to seek professional help.

Anxiety disorders in children and teens are actually quite common. It’s estimated that 1 in 8 children in the US and between 5 and 19% of children and adolescents in the UK have an anxiety disorder.

If you suspect your child has an anxiety disorder, try not to stress yourself out. “Disorder” is not a dirty word! And

even if your child has a diagnosable anxiety disorder, it doesn’t mean they’re doomed.

What Causes Childhood Anxiety?

There are a number of factors that contribute to children developing anxiety disorders.

Genetics

This may be hard to hear, but just like your child might have inherited your hair and eye color, they might have also inherited your anxiety. There isn’t a single anxiety gene, rather, there is a wide range of genes that lead some people to be more emotional and sensitive than others and therefore more prone to anxiety or depression. Children of parents with an anxiety disorder can be as much as seven times more likely to develop an anxiety disorder themselves.

Not all children with anxious family members will develop anxiety, but a 2016 literature review found that panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and social anxiety disorder are linked to specific genes. And predispositions to neuroticism, shyness, conscientiousness and low extraversion also tend to be associated with anxiety.

While researchers will tell you that genes play a part in a child developing clinical anxiety, it is important to remember that you’re also a hero and role model to your child. When they see you coping and using healthy strategies to deal with your anxiety, they learn that anxiety is manageable and together, you can reduce worries, implement self-care routines, and make healthy choices.

Biology and Brain Chemistry

Biology can also play a role—sometimes children’s dopamine and serotonin neurotransmitters can get out of whack. Consulting with your child’s healthcare provider

can help rule out or hone in on any imbalances that need to be addressed.

Anxiety and depression often present simultaneously, so be sure to keep an eye out for depressive symptoms in your child as well. In children and teens, depression may present as irritability. (7) Stay tuned for the upcoming podcast episode with more information on childhood depression and how you can help your child overcome it.

Environmental Factors

A child’s environment also plays a role in how anxious they are. Stressful living situations, major life changes, the death of a loved one, or family problems can make a child’s anxiety skyrocket. Children often model what they see, so when they see that a caretaker is attempting to relieve their distress by avoiding situations or taking over doing the things that the anxious child worries about, this shows them that they need protection from something that must be bad or scary and that they are not capable of handling things on their own which enforces the anxiety in the child.

Life can be stressful—that’s just a reality we all have to face. But do your best to come up with a plan with your child before a stressful event so they know what to expect. And the more you can cope with your own stress and show support as your child learns age-appropriate ways to manage their anxiety, the better.

Traumatic Experiences

Anxiety can also be caused by traumatic experiences such as getting bitten by a dog or being in a car accident, events that are beyond our control. These “triggers” can provoke an anxiety reaction and affect the child’s confidence and teach them that “the world is dangerous” and add to their anxiety.

How Can I Help My Anxious Child?

Calming an anxious child is no easy feat.

Finding a therapist who specializes in anxiety disorders can be extremely helpful. Early detection and intervention can help reduce the severity of symptoms and improve your child’s quality of life.

The best thing you can do is seek out professional help sooner rather than later. Licensed mental health professionals specializing in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Graded Exposure Therapy are a great place to start. They can also provide training on what you as a parent or caretaker can do to help your child take small steps toward conquering their fears.

Here are 3 steps you can take to help your anxious child today.

1. Seek Out Professional Help

Therapy is safe and non-invasive. But it does require a medium to long-term commitment of weekly sessions. And those can range from a few months to over a year of treatment, depending on the severity of symptoms.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is usually the first line of treatment for anxiety disorders, though in some cases medication is also useful. CBT is a form of talk therapy based on the idea that unhelpful thought patterns and behaviors can be changed into more realistic thoughts— which in turn has a positive effect on feelings and behavior. It helps children recognize their thought patterns and identify where and when those patterns help and where they hurt. In other words, how we think and act affects how we feel. Using Graded Exposure as part of CBT, a stepladder approach, the child slowly and systematically faces his fears and reduces the symptoms of his anxiety.

Under the CBT umbrella there are two therapeutic interventions that are particularly useful for treating anxiety:

• Graded Exposure Therapy: With a stepladder approach, children are slowly and systematically exposed to the thing they fear, reducing their anxiety symptoms.

• Exposure Response Prevention Therapy: This is the CBTbased therapy of choice for Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). It helps children with OCD face their fears while refraining from engaging in compulsive behaviors.

2. Read Therapeutic Books Together: In addition to therapy, reading therapeutic books together can help your child understand their anxiety. Through storytelling and beautiful illustrations, your child will learn to overcome their fear-based behaviors. My series I’m Afraid, which is based on Graded Exposure Therapy, demonstrates that it is possible for children to manage their anxiety.

3. Learn More About Childhood Anxiety Disorders - By learning about what your child is going through, you’ll be better equipped to help them cope. Children often have a hard time finding the words to express their anxiety. So being cognizant of the physical signs and behaviors is so important. There are several different types of anxiety disorders common in children and no two are exactly alike. Examples of some of these disorders include:

• Specific Phobia

• Separation Anxiety Disorder

• Generalized Anxiety Disorder

• Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

• Social Anxiety Disorder with Selective Mutism

• Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia

PRIVATE SCHOOL GUIDE

EAST BAY

The Academy School

K - 8

Berkeley Visit School Website

American International Montessori School

PreK-8

Berkeley Visit School Website

American International Montessori School

PreK-8

Berkeley Visit School Website

The Athenian School

6-12

Danville Visit School Website

Aurora School

K-8

Oakland Visit School Website

Bentley School

K - 12

Oakland Visit School Website

Berkeley Rose Waldorf School

K-8

Berkeley Visit School Website

The Berkeley School

Younger than TK- grade 8

Berkeley Visit School Website

Berkwood Hedge School

K-5

Berkeley Visit School Website

Bishop O’Dowd High School

9 – 12

Oakland Visit School Website

Black Pine Circle School

K-8

Berkeley Visit School Website

Cardondelet High School

9-12

Concord Visit School Website

The College Preparatory School

9-12

Oakland Visit School Website

Contra Costa Jewish Day School

K-8

Lafayette Visit School Website

The Crowden School

3-8

Berkeley Visit School Website

De La Salle High School

9-12

Concord Visit School Website

East Bay German International School

PreK-12

Emeryville Visit School Website

East Bay School for Boys

6 - 8

Berkeley Visit School Website

Ecole Bilingue de Berkeley

PreK-8

Berkeley Visit School Website

Escuela Bilingüe Internacional

PreK-8

Oakland Visit School Website

Golestan Education

TK-5

El Cerrito Visit School Website

Grand Lake Montessori

18 months - 6th

Oakland Visit School Website

Head-Royce School

K-12

Oakland Visit School Website

Julia Morgan School for Girls

6-8

Oakland Visit School Website

Maybeck High School

9-12

Berkeley Visit School Website

Mills College Children’s School at Northeastern University

Younger than TK- grade 5

Oakland Visit School Website

Montessori Family School

PreK-8

El Cerrito Visit School Website

Northern Light School

Younger than TK- grade 8

Oakland Visit School Website

Oakland Hebrew Day School

TK-8

Oakland Visit School Website

Orinda Academy

9-12

Orinda

Visit School Website

Pacific Boychoir Academy

3-8

Oakland

Visit School Website

Park Day School

K - 8

Oakland

Visit School Website

Pear Tree Community School

Younger than TK- grade 5

Oakland

Visit School Website

Prospect Sierra School

TK - 8

El Cerrito

Visit School Website

Quarry Lane School

Pre - 12

Pleasanton Visit School Website

Raskob Day School

3-8

Oakland

Visit School Website

Redwood Day School

K-8

Oakland

Visit School Website

The Renaissance International School

Prek-8

Oakland

Visit School Website

The Saklan School

Younger than TK- grade 8

Moraga

Visit School Website

The Seven Hills School

Younger than TK- grade 8

Walnut Creek

Visit School Website

St. Isidore School

K - 8

Danville

Visit School Website

St. Paul’s Episcopal School

K - 8

Oakland

Visit School Website

Valley Montessori School

PreK-8

Livermore

Visit School Website

Valley Christian Schools

PreK-8

Dublin

Visit School Website

Walden Center and School

K - 6

Berkeley

Visit School Website

SAN FRANCISCO

Adda Clevenger

TK-8

Visit School Website

Alta Vista School

TK/K-8

Visit School Website

The Bay School of San Francisco

9-12

Visit School Website

The Brandeis School of San Francisco

K-8

Visit School Website

Cathedral School for Boys

K - 8

Visit School Website

Children’s Day School

PreK- 8

Visit School Website

Chinese American International School

PreK - 8

Visit School Website

Convent Elementary School

K-8

Visit School Website

Drew School

9-12

Visit School Website

French American International School

Younger than TK- grade 12

Visit School Website

Golden Bridges

Younger than TK- grade 7

Visit School Website

The Hamlin School

K - 8

Visit School Website

Katherine Delmar Burke School

K-8

Visit School Website

Kittredge School

K - 8

Visit School Website

La Scuola International School

Younger than TK- grade 8

Visit School Website

Le Lycee Français de San Francisco

PreK-12

Visit School Website

Live Oak School

K - 8

Visit School Website

Lycée Français de San Francisco

Preschool - 5

Visit School Website

Lycée Français de San Francisco

6-12

Visit School Website

Millennium School

6-8

Visit School Website

Mission Montessori

Preschool - 6

Visit School Website

Presidio Hill School

TK - 8

Visit School Website

SOUTH BAY

Archbishop Mitty High School

9-12

San Jose

Visit School Website

Avenues Silicon Valley

4-10

San Jose

Visit School Website

Almaden Country Day School

PreK-8

San Jose

Visit School Website

Bowman School

TK-8

Palo Alto

Visit School Website

The Carey School

Pre-K - 5

San Mateo

Visit School Website

Castilleja School

6-12

Palo Alto

Visit School Website

Charles Armstrong School

2 - 8

Belmont Visit School Website

PRIVATE SCHOOL GUIDE

Crystal Springs Uplands School

6-12

Hillsborough

Visit School Website

Episcopal Day School of St. Matthew

PK - 8

San Mateo

Visit School Website

The Girls’ Middle School

6 - 8

Palo Alto

Visit School Website

The Harker School

Tk/JK/PreK, K - 12

San Jose

Visit School Website

Helios School

K - 8

Sunnyvale

Visit School Website

Hillbrook School

JK - 8

Los Gatos

Visit School Website

The Hilldale School

K - 8

Daly City

Visit School Website

Imagination Lab School

K - 8

Palo Alto

Visit School Website

Keys School

K - 8

Palo Alto

Visit School Website

Khan Lab School

K - 12

Mountain View

Visit School Website

Menlo School

6-12

Atherton

Visit School Website

Mulberry School

Younger than TK- grade 8

Los Gatos

Visit School Website

The Nueva School

PreK - 12

Hillsborough

Visit School Website

Odyssey School

6 - 8

San Mateo

Visit School Website

Phillips Brooks School

Younger than TK- grade 5

Menlo Park

Visit School Website

Pinewood School

K - 12

Los Altos

Visit School Website

Ronald C. Wornick

Jewish Day School

TK - 8

Foster City

Visit School Website

Sacred Heart Schools

Younger than TK- grade 12

Atherton

Visit School Website

Saint Andrew’s Episcopal School

PreK - 8

Saratoga

Visit School Website

Saint Simon Parish School

PreK - 8

Los Altos

Visit School Website

Sea Crest School

TK - 8th

Half Moon Bay

Visit School Website

Serendipity School

TK - 5

Belmont

Visit School Website

Silicon Valley International School

TK - Grade 12

Palo Alto

Visit School Website

St. Francis High School

9 - 12

Mountain View

Visit School Website

Synapse School

K - 8 Menlo Park

Visit School Website

Trinity School

Younger than TK- grade 5

Menlo Park

Visit School Website

Waldorf School of the Peninsula

Younger than TK,JK, PreK, K-12

Mountain View / Los Altos

Visit School Website

Woodland School

Younger than TK- grade 8

Portola Valley

Visit School Website

Woodside Priory School

6-12

Portola Valley Visit School Website

NORTH BAY

Marin Academy

9-12

San Rafael

Visit School Website

Marin Country Day School

K - 8

Corte Madera

Visit School Website

Marin Waldorf School

Younger than TK- grade 8

San Rafael, CA

Visit School Website

Mark Day School

K - 8

San Rafael Visit School Website

Mount Tamalpais School

K - 8

Mill Valley Visit School Website

San Domenico School

K - 12

San Anselmo

Visit School Website

VARIOUS BAY AREA LOCATIONS

BASIS Independent School

PreK – 12

Visit School Website

Stratford School

PK-12

Visit School Website

Academic Camps Day Camps

Specialty Camps Sports Camps

A summer full of possibilities!

Our camps are packed with awesome, hands-on experiences that allow your child to discover new skills and talents while having fun and making new friends!

From day camp to specialty camps, sports camps and academic camps, you can design a one-of-a-kind experience they’ll never forget.

Campers can enjoy sports and games, exciting STEM projects, arts, crafts, music, dance, drama and more. Just wait until you see what they’re capable of! Spaces are filling up, so enroll today!

CAMPS Preschool THROUGH Grade 8*

Dr. Meeker is a pediatrician, who has practiced pediatric and adolescent medicine for 25 years. She is the author of six books including the best-selling Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: Ten Secrets Every Father Should Know; Boys Should Be Boys; Your Kids At Risk;, The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers: Reclaiming Our Passion, Purpose and Sanity; Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: The 30 Day Challenge and Strong Mothers, Strong Sons: Lessons Mothers Need to Raise Extraordinary Men, (Ballantine) April 2014. She is a popular speaker on pediatric health issues and child-parent relationships.

Dr. Meeker is co-host and physician-in-residence of Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk Radio. She is also Assistant Clinical Professor at Michigan State University College of Human Medicine and currently teaches medical students and physicians in residency training. She is board certified with the American Board of Pediatrics and is a fellow of the American Academy of Pediatrics. Dr. Meeker serves on the National Advisory Board of the Medical Institute. She has been married to her husband, Walter for 32 years. They have shared a medical practice for over 20 years. They have three grown daughters and a grown son. She lives in northern Michigan.

Three Critical Questions Your Child Needs You to Answer

by Dr. Meg Meeker

Great parenting is simple. But it’s hard. We overcomplicate it because we’re convinced that doing things for our kids: making sure they have good opportunities, education, friends, nice clothes, etc., are all that is important.

But even if we give them all of these, they might still end up miserable. Why? Because we’ve missed the mark on meeting their deeper needs.  That’s why we need to shift our current parenting paradigm of providing them with things and opportunities and give them what really matters: our love and

security. Then, they’ll have a shot at growing into stable, healthy and happy adults.

Shifting that paradigm begins by answering three critical questions our kids have.

1. What do you believe about me?

If I asked you what you believe about your son or daughter, you’d probably answer: ‘I believe that he’s smart, capable and a good kid. Or maybe he isn’t now but he will be very soon.’ You would say that your son or daughter can grow up to be anything they want to be.

That’s nice, but what matters most is how your child would answer the question. It might be quite different from yours. I’ve cared for thousands of kids, and frequently heard answers like this. “Well, my parents sometimes think that I can’t do anything. They tell me to do well in school, at soccer, be nice to others and to be respectful. The problem is, they say that, but they don’t really mean it. When I get a bad grade, my dad gets mad and thinks I’m stupid. My mom asks what’s wrong with me and sometimes thinks I’m lazy. They may not say these outloud, but I know that’s what they’re thinking. I sometimes feel like a loser.”

Or, they might say, “I don’t know what my parents think about me. They push me to do well in school and get upset if I get a bad grade. They tell me to just have fun at soccer, then follow me to games and yell instructions from the sideline. They boast about me to their friends and that’s OK but it makes me feel that I’m just something they can use to show off. What do they believe about me? I don’t really know.”

them.

Your child needs you to look deep in your heart and ask yourself what you really believe about him. Do you cherish him even if he fails? Do you believe he is capable or stupid? Is he talented at something or not? Regardless of what you say, your child knows exactly what you believe about him. So, be honest.

When I graduated college, I was rejected from every medical to which I applied. I was devastated. One day I overheard my father talking on the phone with a friend. He said, “Yes, my daughter Meg will be going to medical school in the next couple of years.” And he meant it. In that moment, I learned what my dad believed about me: I was strong, determined and capable. His beliefs secured my beliefs about myself.

2. How do you feel about me?

Again, most parents would answer, “I love my child of course! What a ridiculous question.” But what you say isn’t always in synch with what your child believes. Many kids have told me that they think their parents love them because that’s what parents are supposed to do. But when it comes to really believing it, they aren’t quite sure.

Kids are learning that they are mini trophies parents can show off to their friends. When their kids look great, they communicate that they are great parents. Also, parents want their kids to succeed in many areas in order to create a good portfolio. This will allow them entry into better jobs and more success. Some get there, some don’t.

With good intention, we make sure our kids succeed at everything they do. But often this makes kids feel used.  Down deep, they still don’t know if we believe they are valuable, lovable or if even if we enjoy being with

When a child sees a parent talk of nothing but his successes, he correctly infers that his value lies in the stuff he does, not in his inherent worth. How can we flip this around so that our kids really know we love them? First, we must ask ourselves if we’re creating a show piece

with their name on it. If you are, stop. Give them time and space to simply be rather than packing their time with activities that will burn them out. Second, carve out fifteen minutes per week to just be with them. Finally, ask your child to do things with you. This lets him know that you enjoy his company.

Your child needs to know that you love him no matter what he does or doesn’t do. This is hard to do. Let your child fail and hug him. Stop freaking out if he gets things wrong. If he acts like a jerk, tell him you love him anyway.

If he doesn’t want to go to college, let him know that he’s a great kid. You might even need to tell him that no matter what he does- even if he sits in a closet for the rest of his life- nothing will shake your love for him. This will lead him to real success.

3. What are your hopes for me?

Many parents try to convince their kids that they can be whatever they want to be when they grow up. But everyone knows this isn’t true. What kids want to know is whether they can have a job they like, have a good marriage and maybe have kids.

Many parents try to build their child’s future for them. When they do this, they’re saying, “I’m not sure you can do this, so I need to jump in and make it happen.” We focus so much on helping our children, we convey to them that they may not be able to succeed on their own. This makes them feel helpless and weak.

goal. Happiness, we say, trumps everything else in life. This sets our kids up for misery.

When we help our kids develop strong character, they learn to build their future themselves. When we teach them to work hard, live with integrity, compassion and kindness, then we let them know they can have a great future. We must show them how to have tenacity, perseverance and other strong character strengths because this sets them on solid ground. It allows them to be prepared for hardships and challenges.

When we stop being intense about making our kids jump through the right hoops and dig down to meet their basic needs, then they will form a foundation on which they derive self-assurance and a strong sense of self.

Great parenting is simple. But it’s hard. We overcomplicate it because we’re convinced that doing things for our kids: making sure they have good opportunities, education, friends, nice clothes, etc., are all that is important.

But even if we give them all of these, they might still end up miserable. Why? Because we’ve missed the mark on meeting their deeper needs.  That’s why we need to shift our current parenting paradigm of providing them with things and opportunities and give them what really matters: our love and security. Then, they’ll have a shot at growing into stable, healthy and happy adults.

I addition, we teach them that happiness is the ultimate

Shifting that paradigm begins by answering three critical questions our kids have.

Summer

Alameda County

ALAMEDA

Alameda School of Music

1307 High St. 510.769.0195

www.alamusic.org

Camp Bladium

800 West Tower Ave 510.814.4999

www.bladiumalameda.com/ youth-kids/kids-camps

Sticky Art Lab 1682 University Ave. 510.981.1148

www.stickyartlab.com

Young Writers Camp UC Berkeley Campus 510.642.0971

www.bawpwritingcamp.org

Green Stuff Summer Camp UC Berkeley Botanical Gardens 510.643.4832

www.botanicalgarden.berkeley. edu

Lawrence Hall of Science UC Berkeley 510.642.5134

www.lawrencehallofscience.org

BERKELEY/ECHO LAKE

City of Dublin 100 Civic Plaza 925.556.4500

www.ci.dublin.ca.us

Valley Christian School 7500 Inspiration Dr. 925.560.6270

www.ValleyChristianSchools.org

Edge Gymnastics Training Center 6780 Sierra Court St. K 925.479.9904

www.edge-gymnastics.com

Kidz Kraftz Quail Creek Cir. 925.271.0015

www.kidzkraftz.com/camps

Ohlone for Kids

43600 Mission Blvd. 510.659.6000

www.ohlone.edu/org/ ohloneforkids

HAYWARD

Hayward Area Recreation Park District (H.A.R.D.) Day Camps 510.881.6700

www.haywardrec.org

LIVERMORE Horizons East Equestrian Center

5111 Doolan Rd. 925.960.9696

www.showstables.com

BERKELEY

Music Discovery Workshop

2005 Berryman St. 510.528.1725

www.sfems.org

St. John’s Camp Elmwood 2727 College Ave. 510.845.6830

www.stjohnsberkeley.org/ campelmwood

Camp Kee Tov 1301 Oxford St. 510.842.2372

www.campkeetov.org

Habitot

2065 Kittredge St. 510.647.1111 ext. 14

www.habitot.org/museum/ activities_camps.html

Monkey Business Camp

2880A Sacramento St. 510.540.6025

www.monkeybusinesscamp.com

Berkeley Echo Lake Camp Lot #7 Echo Lakes Rd 530.659.7539

www.cityofberkeley.info/camps

CASTRO VALLEY

Skye Valley Training Camp 10250 Crow Canyon Rd 925.858.8825

www.psi.lunariffic.com/~skyev0/

Sarah’s Science 21525 Knoll Way 510.581.3739

www.sarahscience.com

Bee Best Learning 20394 San Miguel Ave. 510.728.2110

www.beebestlearning.com

DUBLIN

East Bay SPCA Animal Camp

4651 Gleason Dr. 925.479.9670

www.eastbayspca.org/camp

Tri-Valley YMCA 6693 Sierra Ln 925.263.4444

www.trivalley.ymcaeastbay.org

Extended Day Child Care 8435 Davona Dr. 925.829.4043 & 7997 Vomac Rd. 925.551.8170 7243 Tamarack Dr. 925.833.0127 & 5301 Hibernia Dr. 925.803.4154 & 3300 Antone Way 925.826.5538

www.extendeddaychildcare.com

Quarry Lane School 6363 Tassajara Rd. 925.829.8000

www.quarrylane.org

FREMONT Learning Bee Summer Camp 39977 Mission Blvd. 510.226.8408

www.learningbeeusa.com

Roy’s Magic Camp 2466 8th St. 925.455.0600

www.magiccamp.org

Camp Arroyo Taylor Family Foundation 5535 Arroyo Rd. 925.371.8401

www.ebparks.org/activities/ daycamps/parks_camp_arroyo

Saddle to Ride

Topline Training, Inc. 4180 Greenville Rd. 925.858.3933

www.saddle2ride.com

Xtreme Force Dance Company 847 Rincon Ave. 925.455.6054

www.xtremeforcedanceco.com

Double Diamond Sports Academy 2272 Research Dr. 925.830.9765

www.doublediamondsportsacademy.com

Valley Montessori 1273 N. Livermore Ave. 925.455.8021

www.valleymontessorischool. com

OAKLAND

Lakeshore Children’s Center 3534 Lakeshore Ave. 510.893.4048

www.lakeshorechildrenscenter.org

Urban Adventure Camp 5701 Cabot Dr. 510.339.0676

www.urbanadventurecamps.com

East Bay SPCA Animal Camp 8323 Baldwin St. 510.569.0702

www.eastbayspca.org/camp

California Shakespeare Theater Summer Conservatory

4660 Harbord Dr. 510.809.3293

www.calshakes.org/v4/educ/ summer_conservatories.html

Oakland Summer ZooCamp 9777 Golf Links Rd. 510.632.9525

www.oaklandzoo.org

Lake Merritt Boating Center Youth Boating Camps 568 Bellevue Ave. 510.238.2196

www.sailoakland.com

Raskob Learning Institute 3520 Mountain Blvd. 510.436.1275

www.raskobinstitute.org

Kids N’ Dance 3840 Macarthur Blvd. 510.531.4400

www.kidsndance.com

Camps

MOCHA Summer Camp 1625 Clay St. 510.465.8770

www.mocha.org

PLEASANTON

Gingerbread Preschool 4333 Black Ave. 925.931.3430

www.ci.pleasanton.ca.us/services/ recreation/gb/gbhome.html

Extended Day Child Care 5199 Black Ave. 925.846.5519

www.extendeddaychildcare.com

Quarry Lane School - East 3750 Boulder St. 925.846.9400

www.quarrylane.org

Quarry Lane School - West 4444B Black Ave. 925.462.6300

www.quarrylane.org

Yang Fan Academy 4160 Hacienda Dr. St. 100 925.699.4664

www.yfacademy.org

City of Pleasanton Summer Programs 200 Old Bernal Ave. 925.931.3436

www.ci.pleasanton.ca.us

Expressions Dance & Art 3015 Hopyard Rd. Ste. I 925.200.9908

www.expressions-dance-arts.com/

Young Ivy Academy 5460 Sunol Blvd (#3) 925.548.0188

www.youngivyacademy.com

Inspire Music Academy 2340 Santa Rita Rd. Ste. 7 925.461.3266

www.inspiremusicacademy.com

Contra Costa County

ANTIOCH

City of Antioch

Parks and Recreation 213 “F” St 925.776.7070

www.ci.antioch.ca.us/Recreation

Four Stars Gymnastics Academy 1799 Vineyard Dr. 925.778.8650

www.fourstarsgym.com

CONCORD

City of Concord Parks and Recreation 925.671.3404

www.cityofconcord.org/recreation/ summercamps

Camp Concord in South Lake Tahoe 1000 Mt. Tallac Trailhead Rd South Lake Tahoe 530.541.1203

www.ci.concord.ca.us/recreation/ camp

Backyard Explorers Corner of Babel Ln & Cowell Rd. 925.671.3118

www.cityofconcord.org/recreation/ summercamps/backyardexp.htm

DANVILLE City of Danville Camps 420 Front St. 925.314.3400

www.danville.ca.gov/Recreation/ Camps

Vision Tech Camps 117 Town & Country Dr. St. B 925.699.9602

www.visiontechcamps.com

Athenian Summer Programs at Athenian School 2100 Mt. Diablo Scenic Blvd 925.837.5375

www.athenian.org

Color Bundles 301 Hartz Ave. #104 925.727.3137

www.colorbundles.com

Camp Brainy Bunch 741 Brookside Dr. 510.548.4800

www.campbrainybunch.com

Quest Therapeutic Camps Charlotte Wood Middle School 600 El Captain Dr. 925.743.2900

www.questcamps.com

Summer

LAFAYETTE

California Shakespeare Theater Summer Conservatory

1000 Upper Happy Valley Rd 510.809.3293

www.calshakes.org/v4/educ/ summer_conservatories.html

Kids N’ Dance 3369 Mt. Diablo 925.284.7388

www.kidsndance.com

Sienna Ranch 3232 Deer Hill Rd. 925.283.6311

www.siennaranch.net

Sherman Swim School 1075 Carol Ln. 925.283.2100

www.shermanswim.com

Merriewood Children’s Center 561 Merriewood Dr. 925.284.2121

www.merriewood.org

MARTINEZ

John Muir

Mountain Day Camp John Muir National Historic Site 925.680.8807

www.johnmuirassociation.org/ muircamp/index.php

ORINDA

BandWorks Summer Camp

28 Orinda Way 925.254.2445

www.bandworks.com/summer_ orinda.php

Orinda Academy

19 Altarinda Rd. 925.478.4504

www.orindaacademy.org

Camp Doodle

66 St. Stephens Dr. www.campdoodles.com

Pleasant Hill

City of Pleasant Hill Camps

147 Gregory Ln 925.682.0896

www.pleasanthillrec.com

PITTSBURG

City of Pittsburg

Camp ARF for Kids 2890 Mitchell Dr. 925.256.1273

www.youth.arf.net

Castle Rock Arabians 1350 Castle Rock Rd. 925.933.3701

www.castlerockarabians.com

City of Walnut Creek Summer Camps 1666 North Main St. 925.943.5899

www.walnut-creek.org

COPA STC 2640 Shadelands Dr. Walnut Creek, CA 925.357.8999

www.copastc.com

French For Fun

3381 Mt. Diablo Blvd 925.283.9822

www.frenchforfun.com

Lafayette Tennis Club

3125 Camino Diablo 925.937.2582

www.lafayettetennis.com

Husky House for Kids

3855 Happy Valley Rd. 925.283.7100

www.huskyhouseforkids.org/ summer-camp-programs

Lafayette Community Center Camps

500 Saint Mary’s Rd. 925.284.2232

www.lafayetterec.org

Roughing It Day Camp 1010 Oak Hill Rd. 925.283.3795

www.roughingit.com

Rancho Saguaro 1050 Pereira Rd. 925.788.5200

www.ranchosaguaro.com

MORAGA

Gaels Summer Camp 1928 St Mary’s Rd. 925.631.4FUN

www.smcgaels.com

Camp Saklan 1678 School St. 925.376.7900

www.saklan.org/about-us/campsaklan

OAKLEY

City of Oakley Parks and Recreation 3231 Main St. 925.625.7044

www.ci.oakley.ca.us

Diamond Hills Sports Club 1510 Neroly Rd. 925.420.4575

www.sparetimeclubs.com

Parks and Recreation 300 Presido Ln. 925.252.4842

www.ci.pittsburg.ca.us

SAN RAMON

City of San Ramon Camps 2226 Camino Ramon 925.973.2500

www.ci.san-ramon.ca.us

School of Rock San Ramon 460 Montgomery Street 925.415.3340 510.207.9281

bit.ly/SORsanramoncamps

Adventure Day Camp

Dorris-Eaton School

One Annabel Lane 925.937.6500

www.adventuredaycamp.com

WALNUT CREEK

Adventure Day Camp

Seven Hills School 975 North San Carlos Dr. 925.937.6500

www.adventuredaycamp.com

Lindsay Wildlife Museum Summer Science Camp 1931 First Ave. 925.935.1978

www.wildlife-museum.org

Multiple Locations

The Growing Room Academy

Various locations around the Bay Offers: 3,4 and 5 Day Camps 925.837.4392

www.thegrowingroom.org

Camp Rocks: Girl Scouts of Northern California Offered at 5 locations: San Rafael (Camp Bothin), Santa Cruz (Skylark Ranch), San Jose (Camp Metro Day Camp), North Lake Tahoe (Deer Lake), and the Sierra Nevada Mountains (Sugar Pine) 800.447.4475 ext. 2091

www.camprocks.org

Mad Science Camp

Offered at several local Recreation sites and Community Centers

925.687.1900

www.mtdiablo.madscience.org

Steve and Kate’s Camp

Danville, Dublin, Fremont, Oakland, Walnut Creek and Berkeley 415.389.5437

www.steveandkatescamp.com

Camp Galileo

Alameda, Alamo, Berkeley, San Ramon, Walnut Creek, Fremont, Oakland, Lafayette and Orinda 510.595.7293

www.galileo-learning.com

KinderCare

Walnut Creek, Concord, Danville, Martinez and Clayton 888.523.6765

www.kindercare.com/ summercamp

Viva el Espanol!

Lafayette, Piedmont, Pleasanton & San Anselmo 925.962.9177

www.vivaelespanol.org/ summerprograms.php

Stratford School

Summer Sports Camp & Enrichment

Danville, Fremont, Los Gatos, Morgan Hill and Pleasanton 925.737.0001

www.stratfordschools.com

Sky hawk’s Sports Camp

Various locations around the Bay Area 800.804.3509

www.skyhawks.com

Lango Language Summer Camps

Serving Alamo, Blackhawk, Brentwood, Briones, Canyon, Clayton, Concord, Danville, Martinez, Moraga, Orinda, Pacheco, Pittsburg, Pleasant Hill, San Ramon, Walnut Creek and surrounding regions

888.445.2646

www.langokids.com/parent/kidslanguage-summer-camps

Club Sport

Fremont, San Ramon, Pleasanton and Walnut Creek 925.938.8700

www.clubsports.com

Camp Edmo Alameda, Fremont, and Oakland 415.282.6673

www.campedmo.org

Kids’ Carpentry Berkeley, Lafayette, Alameda, Oakland, Alamo & Walnut Creek 510.524.9232

www.kidscarpentry.com

TechKnowHow Kids

Dublin, Berkeley, Fremont, Livermore, Oakland & Pleasanton

650.638.0500

www.techknowhowkids.com

iD Tech Camp

Moraga, Concord, Livermore, Berkeley and other Bay Area locations

www.idtech.com

888.709.8324

Camps

Out of Area

Golden Arrow Camps 644 Pollasky Avenue, Ste. 100 Clovis, 93612

800.554.CAMP

www.goldarrowcamp.com

Coppercreek Camp 1887 Williams Valley Rd. Greenville, 95947 800.350.0006

www.coppercreek.com

Camp Unalayee 3921 East Bayshore Rd. Palo Alto 650.969.6313

www.unalayee-summer-camp.com

CYO Summer Camp 2136 Bohemian Hwy Occidental, 95465 707.874.0200

www.camp.cccyo.org

Mountain Camp Woodside 302 Portola Rd. Portola Valley 650.576.2267

www.mountaincampwoodside.com

Camp Tawonga

131 Steuart Ste. 460 San Francisco 415.543.2267

www.tawonga.org

SF Zoo Camp Sloat Blvd. & the Great Highway San Francisco 415.753.7080

www.sfzoo.org

Almaden Equestrian Center 20100 Almaden Rd. San Jose 408.927.0232

www.almadenequestriancenter.net

Silver Creek Sportsplex 800 Embedded Way San Jose 408.224.8774

www.gotoplex.com

College For Kids 1700 W. Hillsdale Blvd. San Mateo 650.574.6149

www.collegeforkids-smccd.com

School of Rock Summer Camp 711 South B St. San Mateo, San Jose & Palo Alto 650.347.3474

www.schoolofrock.com

Kennolyn Camps 8205 Glen Haven Rd. Soquel 831.479.6714

www.kennolyncamps.com

A proven successful business tactician with over 20+ years of strategic management experience with a diverse background in finance, higher education, technology, client services, business development, and sales/ marketing. As an Executive/ Owner for BMJ Partners, Inc. through the year’s Mary Jo has provided operations, finance, marketing, consulting and sales services to finance organizations on a national basis. Mary Jo joined Yrefy, LLC in 2017, as a founding member and Managing Partner. Yrefy’s refinances credit cards, auto deficiencies, fin tech loans, personal loans and private education loans, working with customers on a national basis.

5 Ways to Save Money Just By Asking

by Mary Jo Terry, Managing Partner at Yrefy

Inflation is hitting Americans hard and is only getting worse. Everything from food, gas, water, clothing, and housing is up exponentially in price. But while many Americans have decided to create a strict budget plan and cut back on unnecessary spending, they’re still finding themselves spending more than saving. However, saving money doesn’t have to be a complex plan that restricts Americans’ lifestyles. Ask credit card companies for a better interest rate

Although it might come as a shock, you can negotiate with your bank or credit card company to get a lower interest rate on your credit cards. Credit card debt is at a 20 year high for Americans, and many find themselves

having to continue to rack up money on their cards to pay for necessities. If you find yourself in this situation and the debt continues to pile on because you’re unable to make monthly payments, call your credit card company and ask for them to lower your interest rate. The worst that could happen is that you could get a simple “no” from your credit card company.

If you have a good past relationship and credit history, usually may your payments on time and are responsible, they may help lower your interest rate. This simple question can help you pay less over time.

Ask utilities about a payment plan

Even if you’ve never been on one before, many utility companies offer payment plans. As utility prices continue to rise, you have options to keep your utilities on without draining your bank account every time you get paid. Call your utility companies and ask about being put on a payment plan that works for you. These plans let you pay your bill in a way that’s comfortable for you and works for your budget/pay schedule. This way you can have an exact idea of how much you’ll pay for utilities each month, without worrying about whether or not you’re going to have enough.

Negotiate a lower cable rate

Before you completely get rid of your cable TV, call your cable company and inquire about a lower rate. Explaining that the cost of the service has gotten too high and you’re going to have to cancel the service if you can’t get a lower rate will usually spark a conversation that will go in your favor, especially if you’ve been a long-time customer. Whether they upgrade your package for free, or simply do lower your bill to something that’s more manageable for you. Cable companies want to keep your service, so calling to ask for a lower rate during these tough times can usually get you a discounted price on something that isn’t a necessity for you.

Ask about changing student loan monthly payments

Tens of millions of Americans have student loans, and although the Biden Administration is calling for forgiveness of up to $10,000 for many borrowers, many borrwers will still be left with a balance to pay each month. But since taking on student loan debt, many Americans’ incomes have changed. Looking into Income-Driven Repayment Plans (IDR plans) for student loans. This can help set your monthly student loan payment at an amount that is affordable for you, based on your current income. If you’re earning less than you were before, this is a great way to continue to be able to make your full payments on time but lowering the amount you owe each month. You may even find that you can spare a few extra dollars here and there each month that can be put towards the principal.

Ask yourself the hard questions

Most of the unnecessary spending we do comes from trips to Starbucks, TJ Maxx, or other non-essential stores and restaurants. Ask yourself the hard questions of whether or not you really need to make specific purchases. If you pay for every streaming service that’s available each month, you likely use one more than the others. Figure out what spending in your budget is going towards things you don’t need to buy each month and you can identify what is easier for you to eliminate or what you’re willing to give up for the time being. Maybe you can adjust your budget to fit those fun purchases in.

You can also challenge yourself where you go 24 hours without unnecessary spending, or maybe you can even stand up to a week. This can help you reevaluate where your money is going, and what purchases you can cut out while not limiting your lifestyle. Things like groceries, gas, utilities and other necessities don’t count towards this challenge. But purchases like eating out, a new pair of shoes, or even a new makeup palette can add up quickly on your monthly expenses.