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Infotainment 14 Airplane funniest film ever, research finds Spoof disaster movie Airplane is the funniest film ever - generating three laughs a minute on average, according to new research IRPLANE - which features classic one liners such as 'I am serious and don't call me Shirley' - came out top in research conducted by a panel of members of movie subscription service Lovefilm. They calculated the precise number of 'laughs a minute' for the top 10 comedies chosen by Lovefilm members. The panel recorded the total number of times each film generated a laugh, before dividing it by the films' total length in minutes to calculate the precise 'laugh a minute' rating for each movie. With a 'laugh A minute' score of three, Airplane beat nine rival comedies to top the list which has been created to mark The Hangover becoming available to stream on Lovefilm Instant. The Las Vegas man-movie featuring the bachelor party to end all bachelor parties marked its arrival onto the Lovefilm Instant service by scoring a 'Laugh A Minute' rating of 2.4. The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police
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fancy a criminal facial? inmates in the Philippines launch makeshift spa
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Squad completed the top three with a 'laugh a minute' score of 2.3. Foul-mouthed Superbad managed a 'laugh a minute' score of 1.9, followed closely by the outrageous and least politically correct movie ever made, Borat, with 1.7. Modern classic Anchorman reported in at sixth place. This battle of the sexes in a newsroom has spawned a whole range of one liners and manages to make audiences laugh 1.6 times per minute on average. Helen Cowley, editor of Lovefilm, said: "After many heated debates about whether The Hangover really is the funniest movie ever, we asked our members to vote for the 10 movies that make them laugh the most, and then conducted our own research into how many times those included in this list made us giggle. "Interestingly, while Lovefilm members voted Life of Brian as the funniest film, our research shows that for laughs a minute the hilarious air-
craft-based satire of Airplane beats the Monty Python epic hands-down."
TOP 10 FILMS WITH THE HIGHEST 'LAUGH A MINUTE' SCORES: 1. Airplane - 3 Laughs A Minute 2. The Hangover - 2.4 Laughs A Minute 3. The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad ! 2.3 Laughs A Minute 4. Superbad - 1.9 Laughs A Minute 5. Borat - 1.7 Laughs A Minute 6. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy - 1.6 Laughs A Minute 7. American Pie - 1.5 Laughs A Minute 8. Bridesmaids - 1.4 Laughs A Minute 9. Shaun of the Dead - 1.3 Laughs A Minute 10. Life of Brian - 1.2 Laughs A Minute – newS DeSK
Chinese bank manager hid in a cave for eight years Mr Chen, 42, was already a prosperous businessman in 1995 when he was given a golden ticket: a job at one of China’s largest state-owned banks. Like many others before him, he quickly took advantage, quietly siphoning off money and buying his own discotheque, supermarket, shrimp farm and plastics factory. Investigators later confiscated a fivestory building he owned in downtown Lingao, and his seven luxury cars. In 2003, however, a routine check exposed the 23 million yuan (£2.3 million) he had stolen, reportedly with the co-operation of most of
the branch’s 34 other employees. Mr Chen, who had spent time in the army, was forced to go on the run, and disappeared into the nearby hills. “When I found out that my case was the biggest in the province at the time, I panicked,” he told the Legal Daily newspaper, from his prison cell. “I crossed a big river and hid in a cave up in the mountains with leaves covering my face. I could see some policemen searching for me with guns and dogs. I was terrified,” he added. Afterwards, he dug a network of tunnels around the cave, which he would dash into when he heard anyone ap-
proach. “The tunnels were big enough to hold me, but small enough to be hidden with branches and leaves,” he said. “I stayed in one of the tunnels for more than two months.” He said he grew increasingly paranoid, flinching at any unusual sounds, and he dismissed his chances of escape, reasoning that he would be caught on security cameras if he tried to run to a different city. For years, he survived by digging up sweet potatoes and wild herbs, but he also made several clandestine trips to visit his wife, Deng Qingmei, and their two sons. In 2006, his wife served three years in prison for conspiring to
hide him. His relatives snuck him food, books and newspapers, which he would read at night and then bury, rather than burn, in case he left any traces. “Physical pain is not the worst. I missed my family so much. I have been living like a mouse in the past years and I would rather die,” he said. Finally, after reading in late 2010 that criminals who turned themselves in would be treated leniently, Mr Chen decided to give himself up in November last year. He was allowed to meet with his family, and he apologized to his wife. His trial is under way in Hainan. couRTeSy TeLegRAPH
ow would you feel about receiving a deep pore cleansing facial from a murderer? How about getting your eyelashes lengthened and curled by a serial arsonist? Inmates at the Pasig City Jail Female Dormitory (CJFD) located in the Philippines have been offering such treatments to members of the general public, in their very own makeshift spa. Undergoing an inmate body massage might sound like a painful experience (I stereotypically assume all female inmates start to lift dumbbell weights in their cells out of complete boredom), but this and the teams’ other spa services have proved more popular than you might suspect. The low price of each treatment on offer is one possible reason for this; a massage comprising the use of aromatherapy oils costs just 150 pesos (equivalent of $11 US), a facial P80 (approx $6) whilst the eyelash treatment is 50 pesos only (a little under $4). Now that’s what I call budget beauty! Located in the visitors’ area of the prison, the ‘spa’ was set up with funding from the Bureau of Jail Management and Penology (BJMP). Officerin-Charge Lourvina Abrazado hopes that the program will help prisoners to ward of boredom, and has commented: “Our main goal for this spa is skills development and enhancement for our inmates. [...] Aside from these projects’ support to their daily needs, it can be their livelihood once released.” Obviously, not all the ladies behind bars will have committed crimes as severe as those cited in the introduction of this post, but it is unlikely that each criminal will declare their wrongdoings as they smear enhancing products into the epidermis of customers! The 32 inmates that perform the beauty-boosting procedures have been specially trained and certified by the Technical Education and Skill Development Authority though, which does make the prospect of jailbird treatments seem a little less scary – no one wants their skin rubbed red raw by an amateur! newS DeSK
CURe foR HoMoSexUAliTy: Australian doctor recommends chemical castration to gay teenager
British toddler left in street by drunken teacher parents
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two-year-old girl was spotted alone beside a busy road in a coastal resort while her parents drank 100 yards away. Police arrived to find the child in tears, being comforted by local people. The parents showed no concern for their daughter and became abusive when questioned, police said. “The girl was playing on her own right next to a dangerous busy road,” a police spokesman said. “Passers-by were obviously concerned for her safety because she was in a risky situation, so they took her and put her in a buggy. “They called the police, and when we arrived she was crying in her buggy and was obviously hungry and thirsty.” Officers gave the child food and drink while they tracked down her parents. “They were clearly very drunk and officers tried to speak to them in several languages but they refused to acknowledge the officers,” the spokesman added. “Later they became very abusive.” The parents were also taken to the police station but were too drunk to speak properly. They were not arrested but a file has been sent to the state prosecutors. couRTeSy TeLegRAPH
A Sydney doctor who is a member of the Exclusive Brethren Christian sect has been banned from practicing as a GP after he prescribed chemical castration to a young man who sought a ‘’cure’’ for homosexuality. Mark Christopher James Craddock, 75, wrote the 18year-old patient a script for the anti-androgen therapy cyproterone acetate (Cyprostat) during a 10-minute consultation in his home in February 2008. The patient, who cannot be named for legal reasons, was at the
time a member of the Exclusive Brethren church. In a letter of complaint to the Health Care Complaints Commission, the patient said when, at the age of 18 he came out as gay, a church leader told him, ‘’there’s medication you can go on’’. ‘’He recommended that I speak to Dr Craddock on the matter with a view to my being placed on medication to help me with my ‘problem’,’’ the New Zealand resident said. Dr Craddock gave him a prescription for Cyprostat as well as five re-
peats. The drug, which lowers libido by reducing the amount of testosterone, is used to treat prostate cancer and severe male sexual disorders and sexual deviation. In a hearing before the professional standards committee of the Medical Council of NSW in June, Dr Craddock admitted he did not obtain a medical history, conduct a physical examination, take an adequate sexual history or arrange a follow-up appointment. He did not refer the patient to a counselor or a psychologist, despite the drug manufacturer’s recommendation, and did not order a liver test or discuss the side effects, which include impotence. Dr Craddock conceded it was potentially dangerous for a patient to have that much medication unsupervised. He said, in hindsight, he should not have prescribed it at all. Last month the committee found him guilty of unsatisfactory professional conduct. newS DeSK
Scientists could find alien life within 40 years, says royal astronomer
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ARTIN Rees, former president of the Royal Society, said evidence of whether beings exist not only beyond earth but beyond our solar system, could be found in that time, a newspaper reported. Lord Rees said he believed that astro-physicists could be able to view images of distant planets outside the solar system as soon as 2025. This could potentially lead to the discovery of some form of life on them. When asked what changes could be expected in science in the next 40 years, he said understanding more about the “origin of life, the place where it exists, and whether aliens exist, is going to be crucial”, the Daily Mail reported. The astronomer was speaking at the launch of Professor Stephen Hawking’s new series Grand Design, due to begin next Thursday on the Discovery Channel. Lord Rees, who has been Astronomer Royal - a senior position within the Royal Household offering advice to the Queen on astronomical matters since 1995, said: “Within 10 or 20 years we will be able to image other planets like the earth, orbiting other stars. couRTeSy TeLegRAPH
Saturday, 8 September, 2012