Choosing Love with the Ones We Love, April 2

Saturday, April 2 Ephesians 4:32: Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience…Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you. During my adult life, I have tried to be compassionate and empathetic. I have tried to imagine myself in another’s shoes and acknowledge that I can never truly understand everything they are carrying on their shoulders. I must admit that this is easier said than done. Sometimes I am quick to judge when I do not think someone is putting in an effort on their job or a task. I compare what I see others doing and how much time they are putting in and question when I see it not being reciprocated or appreciated. But this is by my definition, not necessarily God’s. I am sure I am not alone in this thought process. Twenty-four years ago, my mother passed away due to complications from Multiple Sclerosis. Five years prior, my husband and I were placed with taking care of her. We had just gotten married when she was forced to move in with us. My mom adored my husband and let me tell you, I sure did as well. To be newlyweds having to take care of your mother-in-law, cast him in a whole new light! I appreciate that to this day. He was always looking out for her well being, ensuring that she was physically, medically, and emotionally secure. To this day, I do not understand the reasons, but there were several moments during this time when I was angry, exhausted and not empathetic or compassionate to my very own mother. Why couldn’t she do anything on her own? Why wasn’t she putting in the effort to take better care of herself? After my parents’ divorce when I was fourteen, my mom was the provider for my sister and me – financially, physically, spiritually and emotionally. She was our rock. Then in her forties, MS began to chip away that rock, piece by piece. Perhaps it is often most difficult to care for the ones that we used to rely on for strength. We eventually had to move her into a place that could better take care of her needs. Between my husband, myself, and my sister when she could come down, we would go and visit a few times a week. It didn’t help that I was pregnant and working fifty to sixty hours per week in a retail job at the time. My daughter was three months old when my mom left us. I really felt like I was being tested. When I look back over this time, I am filled with remorse. I am ashamed of my thoughts and how I somehow blamed my mom for having this awful disease. As time has passed and I have aged, I have grown in my faith. In my head, I know that my mom and God have forgiven me, however in my heart it isn’t always so clear. There are times when I judge myself and feel that I didn’t do enough to care for and support my mom. My husband and I are now challenged with caring for his aging parents. I see him sometimes losing patience and showing exhaustion. Perhaps it truly is more difficult to care for the ones that we love. I am now intentionally leaning in to choose to love and to hope so I can help him help them. Seeking redemption? Maybe, but also so that I can have another chance to use my compassion and empathy gene. It still isn’t easy! Wearing the clothes of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience is a work in progress for me. But God gave us all the gift to choose our actions. I may not get it right all the time, but I choose love and I choose hope. Father, forgive me for judging others and help guide me to be more compassionate and empathetic to not only those walking in darkness, but to all of my sisters and brothers in Christ. Amen Dana Hess, Lead Servant for Operations