Changing Family, April 12

Tuesday, April 12

Psalm 147:3: He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Twenty years ago, the first week of my freshman year in college, I met a guy. We dated very briefly and it didn’t work out, but we became great friends. Four years later, we found ourselves together again. After a few months, we became engaged and pregnant all within a week. Shortly thereafter, things went haywire. In the end, 6 months pregnant and the engagement off, I left and came home.

Talk about brokenhearted. I wanted nothing more than for the 3 of us to be a traditional family. Granted, my daughter and I are a family, but I never lost the hope that I’d find someone who wanted us both. You know, the kind of guy you see in Hallmark movies. No such luck.

It’s been 15 years now that I’ve been a single parent, raising my/our daughter alone. There was no contact with her father after she’d been about 4 months old and that’s just the way it was. But as time went by, my daughter had questions. When she was 4, I could satisfy her inquiries with his first name, hair and eye color (blonde and blue, just like her). But when she was 14, the questions were more robust and only spawned more questions. It was time to pull out the backpack she’d never noticed of all the things.

Months later we took the trip back to my college town where we’d been talking about. We’d stop and see my college friend, visit the college, etc. We also met up with my ex’s mom and stayed the night with her. The next day we went with her to see his dad. My/our daughter now had met her paternal grandparents. A couple of days later, we had lunch with his sister (and her husband and their daughter). Now my daughter has another aunt, uncle, and cousin.

Then, the big one, I sent a message to him that we were in town. BOOM, mic drop. She spent the next couple of days meeting him and a literal handful of siblings. She has a dad now, HER dad, she even uses the word dad. She has a sister and brothers, and she’s the oldest rather than an only. I have to remember to say OUR daughter and not just mine, even though I’m still technically a single parent.

And, get this, we found out that we’re not done with each other. Now we’re spending weekends together, sharing holidays, shopping for more people, trying to make plans. And that’s hard to do 700 miles apart. Things aren’t fixed or settled. In fact, it’s somewhat unsettling sometimes. There will always be questions, still broken heartedness to heal and wounds to bind. But we’re all choosing to hope and to love one another.

God, heal our brokenness, bind our wounds. Give us courage to forgive, and faith to continue building. Amen

TeLacey Zerr