Our House of Six, March 14

Monday, March 14

1 Corinthians 16:14: Let all that you do be done in love.

In 2018, a few major changes happened in short succession. I moved back home with my parents just a few months after they had taken legal guardianship of my three cousins. It had been a long and painful process after my aunt died in 2013 and their father had fallen deeper into patterns of addiction and neglect. We were all adjusting to their presence in our lives when it became clear that I also needed to come home as my health had deteriorated due to chronic illness, and I needed more support. At the time, it felt like I didn’t have a choice. Now, I believe we were all drawn together, like magnets, by the force of God/Love working in and through our lives.

It wasn’t exactly easy. I was going from a place where I spent most of my time alone, to the chaos of living in a crowded house with my parents and three teenagers. I hadn’t been completely outside of this as I was frequently at my parent’s home for dinner or after school activities. I spent most weekends hanging out. But it was different getting into the daily routine, being a constant fixture. I was terrified of how I would maintain my needs and my routine amid all the busyness. I was worried that the kids would become a burden to me and to my health needs. Finally, I was worried about the burden I was posing.

I had long struggled with the guilt over the burden I had become to my parents. Now, on top of raising three teenagers with a great deal of trauma to work through, my folks were being forced to once again resume an increased responsibility for my life as well. I also worried that I would be a burden to the kids. They were just finding their way, making a new home for themselves. I didn’t want to get in the way of that. They were aware of my health condition, but they only witnessed it in spurts, in those moments when I was with them and did my best to be “on.” They hadn’t experienced so much of the negative, the time spent resting and in pain. I was worried that this would be hard for them. More than anything, I worried I just wouldn’t be enough for them.

Fast forward to 2022, living through a pandemic together and everything else, and I think we have perfected a rhythm in our house of six. I love being a part of my cousins’ lives, and being there to support my parents in raising a bonus set of kids. And, I am so very grateful for the support my family provides me.

It’s still hard sometimes in the way that family always is. We all bump up against each other. Sometimes, I get tired and annoyed and cranky. I get snappy and then I feel bad. I worry that I am overly critical. I get on the kids about something they do, even though I know that when I was their age, I would have done the same exact thing.

Sometimes, I forget that my parents are really the ones in charge. I have a natural “take charge” energy and I can get bossy. Sometimes we argue. But we work through it. I like to think that my parents are mostly happy to have me there, to have my help, and that I have made myself somewhat less of a burden because I have chosen to take on this role in the kids’ lives.

My parents never go there. Family means everything to them both. The kids need a place to live, here they are. I need help, I’ve got it. We all choose love, as a family, over and over again. For all our collective faults, the way we conflict with one another in our very crowded house of six, I

can’t imagine inhabiting a different space right now. I belong here, doing life together, however messy it can be.

Caregiver God, thank you for blessing us with family, whether the family we are born into or the ones we choose for ourselves. Thank you for the chance to choose love, to choose to do life together. Let us continue to lead lives of love at home and in the world. Amen

Stephanie Harper, Assistant to the Lead Pastor