It Feels Like Spiritual Turmoil, March 15

IT FEELS LIKE SPIRITUAL TURMOIL: A PATH LEADING TO GOD’S LOVE AND HOPE

Tuesday, March 15

John 1: 5: The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

Unfortunately, as a young child, I was deeply wounded by my Dad’s extreme control, his paranoid outlook on life and relationships, and by his constant anger and raging, which we all tried to avoid. I didn’t dare show any vulnerability around him because it was emotionally and spiritually dangerous. According to Carl Jung, the parts of me that were hurt or rejected because they were not acceptable in our family were pushed back into the shadow of my personality. We all have a shadow, whether or not we are in touch with it. Those parts of us, when ignored or out of our sight, can cause havoc in our lives. Bringing them into ourselves and becoming integrated results in making us whole again. During this time of my life, when I am being faced with 5 upcoming surgeries, I need all the strength I can get. With all the Al-Anon 12 step work that I have done, I had already worked through a lot of issues, but this was different and needed a different approach.

Just at the right time, I heard Pastor Doug talking about shadow work a couple of times and asked him about it. With his guidance and a lot of dedicated time and further research on my part and with God guiding me, I no longer feel torn by conflict that I didn’t understand but was undermining me. I feel as if those parts of me, who were wounded too, are now on my side and will help to strengthen me, not tear me down.

There are different paths to discovering our shadow and our core wounds; but be sure of this, there are no shortcuts. When we face ourselves and have the courage to share this with another, we think we will die, but, amazingly, we don’t. Even though it felt like turmoil, on the other side is a more whole and integrated self who now has more room for joy, peace, hope, love and forgiveness – overflowing abundantly to share with others.

There are several choices that I have when faced with this deep pain and/or fear: - I can choose to ignore it and continue to live in fear and pain - I can choose to bury it deep, so that I am numb and have no feelings at all - I can choose to hide it by addictions, acquiring material things, overeating, etc. - I can choose to confront it and talk about it so that I can heal and become whole

If I want to live free of pain and fear, then I know that I have to continue to face and conquer my own fears, pain, insecurities and my own fear of vulnerability. If I want to Choose Love, Choose Hope, I have to be firm in my decision not to be ruled and controlled by fear but instead be free to make decisions based on God’s direction at the time.

Choose Love. Choose Hope. Change the World One Person at a Time.

God of mercy and love, shine Your light into my darkness and illuminate the parts that You want me to see. Walk with me and help me to become the person that You envisioned. Amen

Shirley Johnson