Restore, March 5

Saturday, March 5

Galatians 6:1: My friends, if anyone is detected in a transgression, you who have received the Spirit should restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness. Take care that you yourselves are not tempted.

This year’s theme, Choose Love, Choose Hope, states there is a choice. I guess—but honestly, what happened to me between Easter and January?

It’s difficult to choose love and choose hope when I see old friends doing hurtful things to others. It’s difficult to choose love and choose hope when I hear others criticize me for my thoughts and rationale and impose their own without compromise. It’s tedious to choose love and to choose hope while I’m trying to help my late teen transition to adulthood. What choice of love and hope do I have when family members are hateful toward me or my husband and child? I feel I cannot choose love and choose hope when a young friend has made choices leading to being charged with a felony. I break at trying to choose love and choose hope when friends’ kids kill themselves. I am hard pressed to choose love and choose hope when I’m forced to spend way more time behind a computer screen than I ever dreamt when all I want to do is see faces, talk about life, and feel the warmth of others’ physical companionship.

Oh, and by no choice of love or hope, there have been four significant deaths in my family within the past year. And Betty White died.

I send money to help feed people in other countries, and I send money to feed local people. I send money to help with research on diseases that have taken my loved ones. I read news and research letters and political articles and keep up on headlines. I raise money for charities, and I have served people who need me that I can reach.

My actions show “choose love, choose hope,” but, frankly, my spirit isn’t into it. I have listened and helped and fought and given. I’m exhausted. I show signs of bitterness and dissent. But I want to restore. I want my faith back. I want to earn my friend’s title of eternal optimist. My boss called me her “joy-bringer.” People say, “I love your energy.” Man, I am just not that right now.

This is my Lent work, as I see it. I pray, “Create a clean heart in me, O God.” I have to work to reengage my heart so that love can seep in and hope will remind me that I have strength. That’s when hope will reveal that I do have a choice.

I have work to do this Lent. There’s no sugar-coating, no happy ending, no nice, neat ending to this devotion—this is an honest prayer. I know that once my spirit is restored and I feel God— there is no end to the possibilities. That is hope. I know from my past experiences, that once restored, my spirit is contagious. I am wandering in the desert this Lent season.

Lord, I pray for help in restoring in me a spirit of gentleness. Amen.

Juley Allee