WOMEN IN EMERGENCY MEDICINE SECTION
What Are You Saying “No” to When You Continue to Work? (eh) Marianne Haughey, MD FAAEM
I
was an eager, front-of-the-class, hand-waving-inthe-air type of student. I brought that same energy to residency and early attending hood. If there was an extra project, or extra hours to work to “help the team out,” I was your girl. Therefore, I signed up for many projects, many committees, and many extra hours. Then I had children. When I had a daughter, she was a tangible and vocal reminder that if I said yes to an additional hour of work, I was saying “no” to an hour with this adorable creature, who was also completely dependent on me and my husband. She helped me to clarify my priorities. There were absolutely some projects and committees and hours that were worth saying “yes” to, and therefore (by extension) giving up time with my daughter, but the benefits needed to be clear. That benefit might be pay, or fulfilling a desire and interest I had, or connecting to others with similar interests in order to build something together. There were other things, however, that had consumed my time that were not worth being prioritized over time with my daughter (and later also my son). I worked to identify and diplomatically shed many of those less desirable (to me) responsibilities, keeping an account of what made sense for me to take on and what did not. And when new opportunities came along, I always then considered whether they were worth saying “no” to my children. Many tasks made the cut, but some clearly did not. This priority setting allowed me to prune away things I did not enjoy as much and grow my career into something that included the things that provided personal satisfaction and joy. If there were educational talks to give for the residents, or mentoring sessions with medical students, or sessions with educators learning how to be a better teacher, I was in and excited. If there were meetings about ED metrics, algorithms for faster processing patients through the ED, or other department wide administration tasks I was happy to leave those meetings to others. These choices have resulted in my career in EM medical student and residency education. My son and daughter are no longer infants. In fact, they aren’t even teenagers. They are now 24 and 22. I am lucky in that by prioritizing them, I developed relationships with both of them, alone and together, that we enjoy, and clearly, they are my life’s greatest accomplishment. But I also worked many, many hours to hone and practice my profession in the more than two decades they have been alive. I love my work, I love figuring out the puzzles of clinical presentations, I love talking to people and meeting so many new people as patients a day, I love the teaching that comes with my job as an associate residency program director and professor. I love the excitement of the ED and the true sense that I “help people” every day. I have joined many committees and even led some of them. I have taught nationally and internationally. I have received
respect and support and praise in my role. I have mentored many and have come to enjoy friendships with many mentees over the years. Emergency medicine feels like the best adventure out there, but it is one with a priceless ticket to ride. One must keep up with the craft to practice it well. Last summer, during the annual intern retreat with the education faculty and the interns, one of my fellow APDs mentioned casually he would like to retire at 55. As I was 55 at the time, I challenged him and asked if he was calling me old? He edited his comment, saying he would like to “have the option of retiring at 55.” Well, that made it sound more palatable. And made me consider—did I have the option? I looked over the numbers of my husband and I and realized it was not impossible. So that then raised another point. Would I want to retire? Wow. That was a question. I have worked for pay since I was 16. My immigrant grandparents and my first-generation parents had instilled a very strong work ethic. I had recently shifted to a job I was completely enjoying, with a wonderfully supportive group. I had cut my commute time to 10 minutes from an hour. I was working with friends I had known for more than 25 years. I was having even more fun than before when at work. So, on a daily basis I want to go to work. I realize though, the essential question about choosing work is the same as it was when I was younger and raising my children. It is just less clear. When I choose to say “yes” to continuing to work, I am saying “no” to something or someone. It is just much less clear who or what that “no” is directed at. My children are now adults. Although we enjoy each other they don’t need me. My husband, after 17 years at home with the kids as a stay-at-home dad, returned to work outside the home in an elementary school. He has a mission and enjoys impacting young lives, so he does not need me home daily. My parents have needs, but they know I enjoy my work and they would never want me to stop to care for them.
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COMMON SENSE JULY/AUGUST 2022
27