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Section 01
A DATE WITH ARGENTINA
Ay Abuela,
Que hago?
Everyone wishes they could find the love of their lives through a friend of a friend or that your abuela will introduce you to her amiga from Cuba’s grandson who looks like Maluma and you fall madly in love. But, the majority of us have to come to terms with the fact that more likely than not that partner for life is probably waiting for you at the Wharf (the true Miami fairytale). Or worse… on some dating app.
- Heartbroken in Hialeah
Lately, my dating escapades
This guy, I thought he was the one.We weren’t together for long, but our relationship was amazing. Until one day, out of nowhere, he broke up with me.
have made me the main source of entertainment on wine nights. “Argentina” and I met on Hinge. When I first came across his profile, I was almost certain that he was some creep disguised as this god of a man. With a perfectly symmetrical face, a sleeve of tattoos, good height, rock solid abs, and biceps bigger
Querida Heartbroken in Hialeah, Mi nina bella, que vas acer? I can tell that you liked him a lot. I’m sure he cared for you too. How could he not? I know this is tough. Pero si un hombre de verdad esta
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how people react and function in relationships. All that we can do is be the best versions of ourselves and bring that to each relationship, hoping to bring the best out in each other.
enamorado they make it work. If he doesn’t prioritize you,
I know it is hard, but you will find someone else, or if he
he isn’t the one. You thought things were getting serious?
is “the one,” you’ll both grow and find your way back to
But then, one weekend, it was done. No mija, ese no es
each other when the time is right. Sometimes the world
“the one”. And that’s okay.
doesn’t make sense, and trying to make sense of it causes
than my head, he was a solid Miami 10/10. I mean, sure 4 out of 5 of the pictures on his profile were him shirtless and his Instagram handle was the first thing he thought important enough to mention about himself. It was quickly apparent that this man was not some dating app creeper… worse; he was a true Miami F-boy. Naturally, I had to message him. A few flirty messages back and forth and I got the good old “let’s take this convo to IG DM” message (a way for men to verify you are attractive enough for them). I agreed, confident in my hotness, and looked up his account, and that’s when I realized…I had matched with a professional thirst trapper. 100k followers and not a shirt in sight. Oh yeah, and 3 million followers on Tiktok. Okay… so not husband material… but hey, could be a good time… so, we pressed on. He asked me to go to a small bakery and
grab coffee (unnecessarily modest in my opinion). I agreed and met him at a bakery in Kendall which I later learned was just two blocks from his house. Amazing effort, I know. I walked into the bakery, and instead of the sweet smell of pastries, bread, and coffee, it smelled like I was walking into a Hollister; right in front of me appeared the Hollister model wearing a shirt, unfortunately. We grabbed a coffee and began to talk.The first 15 minutes of our conversation he went on about his workout routine and how he really shouldn’t be eating the empanada that he was simultaneously stuffing in his mouth. “It takes a lot of dedication to have a body like this,” he said, complimenting himself. It was only the thought of running my hands down his washboard abs that kept me from walking out of the bakery. His claim to fame was that he “was supposed to be on Netflix’s “Too Hot to Handle”, but he had an offer to go on another bigger show(his episode never aired)”. “Tonight my friends and I are going to LIV and we have a table” woke me from my daydreaming. My new goal was to get invited to said table because 1. LIV is my natural habitat and 2. Quiero perrear. After a few minutes of stroking his ego,the invite was offered. Perhaps this date was a bust, but LIV is always a good time. That night I walked into LIV with Argentina, had one drink and was invited into VIP by “France” (that story for another time). What was meant to be a sloppy night with a D-list Tik Tok star became a night to remember with A-listers.
He lived on my block. He was tall, handsome and really
Al final del dia, borrón y cuenta nueva. Wake up every
nice to my mami. But, he was more like a brother. I just
morning committed to being the best you can be, and
never saw him in that way. He insisted we date, and I just
your person will come along.
The lesson of the day is… sometimes you go on a date with a TikTok famous thirst trapper just because he is hot and end up at LIV partying in VIP. The possibilities are endless in Miami Unless, of course, you are in the market for marriage and that is not my specialty.
and that person doesn’t quite feel the same way, or it isn’t
Trust me,
Nos vemos,
the right time. We can’t control the way the heart works or
Abuela
Fulana de Tal
When I was young, there was this boy that really liked me.
couldn’t do it. Sometimes we think we found our person,
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us deeper heartache.
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