Name Game 2011
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What’s in a name? This year, plenty of illegal, ironic and inappropriate behavior B Y K E N P ICAR D
F
WORDS
You-Ran Lee: a runner in the 2011 Burlington City Marathon Patrick Lemon: produce manager at the Price Chopper in Essex Gregory Payne: founder and president of Payne Emergency Medical Services, a Bennington ambulance company that went out of business in February
Paula Traynor: In 2010, she weighed almost 300 pounds. This year, Traynor was down to 167 pounds and ran half the Burlington City Marathon.
with Speeder’s! 412 PINE ST, BURLINGTON 658-6016
Shawn R. Vandal: a Wilmington, Vt., man accused of burglarizing 14 local homes between November 15 and December 15, usually by smashing their8v-speeders122811.indd windows with a tire iron Debora Washington: FEMA worker Andy Watts: chair of Essex Energy Committee Rick Wood: tree specialist with Hivernant Arborists
Say you saw it in... 1
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Steve Cook and Erica Houskeeper: Deputy commissioner and director of communications, respectively, for the Vermont Department of Tourism and Marketing
Lucy Herring: Vermont Fish and Wildlife law-enforcement assistant
Andrew Snow: director of services at Bolton Valley ski resort
NEW YEAR
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Patti Cook: recipe developer for Eating Well magazine
Jennifer Green: the city of Burlington’s environmental specialist
Larry Plesent: founder of the Vermont Soap Company, which produces organic and hypoallergenic products that also smell nice
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Alex Comfort: author of The New Joy of Sex
Rosemary Gladstar: a Vermont herbalist and gardener
Buzz into the
SEVENDAYSVT.COM
Carl Coker: Island Pond man arrested by the Vermont State Police in November and charged with drug manufacturing
Bob Degree: Colchester refrigerator repairman
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James Careless: a freelance writer who specializes in medical firstresponder communications issues
Linda Cruise: communications and special projects coordinator for the Vermont Institute on the Caribbean
3:25 PM
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Scott Borg: international cybersecurity expert
In June, Weiner admitted to sending inappropriate photos of his junk to six women over three years via email and Twitter. The scandal, And for UNLIMITED dubbed “Weinergate,” led to the ACCESS to the newest congressman’s resignation. equipment all season long, check out the STOWE This year’s news also produced TOYS DEMO PASS for just a few aptronyms involving men who $595.95! behaved badly. They include Michael Details & Information: Childs, the 49-year-old man Childs www.stowe.com or 802.760.4608 from Huntsville, Ala., who was sentenced to 30 years in prison for his involvement in a global 12v-stoweres122811.indd 1 12/18/11 child-pornography ring. Childs can only pray he’s assigned to a solo cell. Then there was Owen Honors, the now-disgraced U.S. Navy captain who was relieved of his command of the USS Enterprise after he created a series of lewd and homophobic videos that aired on the ship’s closed-circuit television on Saturday nights. Honors’ explanation: It was all harmless fun to boost crew morale. Apparently, fag jokes and simulated rectal exams are what pass for fun on an aircraft carrier once the sailors tire of the on-board movie theater and bowling alley. Not all of the aptronyms that hit the radar this year were of the sordid variety. Others include: SUE
or those of us who keep track of aptronyms — by definition, people whose names match their professions, pursuits or personal proclivities — 2011 was a banner year like none in recent memory. This year in the news, we saw photos and videotapes of a New York City police inspector named Tony Bologna, who pepper-sprayed a group of women at an Occupy Wall Street demonstration for no apparent reason. We also learned of a gang of rogue Amish men who terrorized the Pennsylvania countryside, chopping off the beards and hair of their fellow Amish folk. Four of the seven scissors-wielding barbers all belong to the same family: the Mullets. However, the hands-down “wiener” of the 2011 Aptronym of the Year Award goes to the man who, almost overnight, went from being a respected Democratic congressman from New York’s Ninth Congressional District to the punch line of countless late-night comedy acts: Anthony D. Weiner.