Seven Days, December 23, 1996 by Seven Days

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F in e D ia m o n d s a n d J e w e lr y

we e k m a g i c g e y * T A M E S K JflH A L K A

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Celebrate N ew Year’s Eve in grand style at Chef’s Table. You ll enjoy a delicious item from each category: A ppetizers ^ ^ * ^ Malpeque Oysters on the Half Shell p Seared Hudson Valley Foie Gras • Warm Goat Cheese Napoleon Roasted Lobster Sausage • Mesclun Greens Salad Soups Shrimp Bisque • Porcini-Wild Rice Consomme Entrees Rosemary Roasted Rack of Lamb • Pan-Seared Striped Bass Toasted Barley-Sweet Potato Risotto • Juniper Grilled Venison Maine Crab and Sea Scallop Cioppino a Desserts Ginger Profiteroles • Almond Tuile Cornucopia ^ Mocha Cappuccino M ousse • Pistachio Baked Alask

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1996

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that certainly convinces me that our Mr. Freyne ; OFF TRACK is credible, completely beyond reproach, and as Hand bottom-feeder Peter sleazy as the day is long. Freyne a sack of manure and he — Curt W h e e l e r thinks he has a pony. He imag South Burlington ines that when someone for whom he has a pathological NECI FAN FARE hatred, like Susan Sweetser, has We’d like to briefly clarify the “Backtalk” had a few personal problems that (December 11) story on the new restaurant New it is his duty to shout them out England Culinary is opening on Church Street under the pretense that he is ful — and its implications for the establishments filling some civic responsibility. NECI currently operates at The Inn at Essex. At least that is what he Residents of Essex and environs can rest assured would like everyone to think. In that they will still be able to enjoy all of the reality, this pathetic, over-glori NECI cuisine at the Inn that they currently do fied gossip-monger engages in — only more so. the most self-indulgent, privacyButler’s Restaurant, the fine dining establish invading, gratuitous attacks and ment at the Inn, will move to the space current imagines that he is providing ly occupied by Birch Tree Cafe, doubling in size interesting and amusing enter in the process. The space will be completely ren tainment. Sweetser, like most ovated and redecorated. human beings, is proceeding Birch Tree will be replaced by a NECI-operthrough life, trying to do the ated pub and entertainment center, occupying best that she can, has had some the space where Butler’s and the Chimney Point great successes and a few failures lounge now are. “Sandies served by culinary stu — that’s what life is all about — dents” will be very much a part of the new and she will bounce back. But menu, as will most of the rest of the casual fare Freyne, a tawdry opportunist fans of Birch Tree know and love. and closet Sanders butt-boy, can NECI is doubling its customers’ pleasure in not resist the gleeful chance to Chittenden County, not opening up Burlington fill his weekly drivel column at the expense of Essex. with reports of an enemy’s mis — John Dranow, co- founder and CEO, fortune. NECI, Montpelier When Freyne employs his lo-

grade analysis to imply hypocracy (sic), he forgets that he him» self has been divorced twice. And a private detective hired by a campaign director is one thing, but being observed fishing around in the wastepaper basket of an elected official (as Freyne was several years ago) is at least as interesting. And then being fired from a position as press secretary for making an unto ward remark to a female Free Press reporter — not exactly the apogee of class. Finally, quoting from a personal fax (Sweetser’s) — how sophisti cated, and a really admirable kind of tactic. One

— Jim Lamberti, general manager, The Inn at Essex, Essex Junction

t h e w i n t e r

f i c t i o n

i s s u e

SILVER BELLS A short story by Creston Lea .................................... page 1

PIGS AND HAM A short story by Annie McCormick......................... page 11

PENNSYLVANIA HIGHWAY A short story by Aaron Nathans.............................. page 13

A MEMORY OF WINTER A poem by John E n g e ls ..................................................... page 16

BLADE RUNNERS There’s more to speedskating than big thighs page 17

By David Healy .....................................................

THEATER: THIS MAGI MOMENT A musical reading o f O. Henry falls fla t By P. Finn McManamy.......................................................... page 19

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S E V E N DAY S is p u b lis h e d b y D a C a p o P u b lis h in g , In c . e v e r y W e d n e s d a y . I t is d is t r ib u t e d fre e o f c h a rg e in g re a te r B u r lin g t o n , M id d le b u r y , M o n t p e lie r , S to w e a n d th e M a d R iv e r V a lle y . C ir c u la t io n : 1 5 ,0 0 0 . S u b s c r i p t i o n s v ia firs t - c la s s m a il a re a v a ila b le fo r $ 2 8 p e r s ix m o n t h s . P le a s e c a ll 8 0 2 .8 6 4 .5 6 8 4 w it h y o u r V I S A o r M a s t e r c a r d , o r m a il y o u r c h e c k o r m o n e y o r d e r to S u b s c r ip t io n s a t th e a d d re s s b e lo w . F o r C la s s ifie d s / P e r s o n a ls , p le a s e c a ll th e n u m b e r b e lo w .

S E V E N DAYS is p r in t e d a t B . D . P re s s in G e o r g ia , V e r m o n t . SEVEN DAYS, P.O. Box 1164, 29 Church St., Burlington, VT 05402-1164 Tel: 802.864.5684 Fax: 802.865.1015. e-mail: sevenday@together.net WWW: http://www.bigheavyworld.com/seven.days/ © 1 9 9 6 D a C a p o P u b lis h in g , In c . A l l r ig h t s re s e rv e d .

SEVEN DAYS. P resents of mind. COVER ILLUSTRATION BY SARAH RYAN

d e c e mb e r - 23,

1996

SEVEN DAYS

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CHURCH S T R e e T 6

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Dear Cecil, What is dijh m and why does it occur? — Eric Palmer, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania I could have sworn I’d answered this question before. However, having scoured the files, I guess it just seems like I did. Is this a dijh vu experience? No, this is an out-to-iunch experience. I feel It’s impor tant to make these fine distinctions lest the meaning of this too casu ally flung-about term become even more muddled in the popular mind. The definition of dija vu commonly cited in the medical literature these days is “subjectively inappropriate impressions of familiarity of the present with an undefined past.” This definition unfortunately sucks, since it requires you to understand the thing being defined before you can understand the definition. A better take on it is that dijh vu is the uncanny sensation that you are reliving some unknown past experience. I throw the word uncanny in there because it exudes the musty air of cheap paperbacks we like to cultivate in this column and also because an essential fea ture of dijh vu is that it seems intensely strange at the time. The other essential feature is that the relived past experience is unknown — you cannot recall having previously had the experience, and indeed you may realize that it’s impossible for you to have had it. You just somehow feel that you have. The dejh vu phenomenon is a favorite of creative types. Proust mentions it, fittingly, in Remembrance o f Things Past. In David Copperfield, Dickens has his tide character say, “He seemed to swell and grow before my eyes; the room seemed full of the echoes of his voice; and the strange feeling (to which no one is quite a stranger) that all this had occurred before, at some indefinite time, and that I knew what he was going to say next, took possession of me.” Depending on die survey, anywhere from 30 to 96 percent of respondents report having experienced dijh vu. But one suspectS|thei f high-end figures are a function of having worded the question too vaguely. Dija vu doesn’t mean merely going through the same situa tion twice, as many journalists seem to think. Nor should it be con fused with other mental hiccups such as flashbacks, precognition (the sense that the present situation has been foretold), and so on. Dijh vu is said to occur more frequently in those under 30. The experience is usually brief, lasting from a few seconds to a few min utes, but in pathological cases may be prolonged. Although the term dija vu (French for “already seen”) suggests it’s primarily a visual phe nomenon, it can involve all the senses, which is why some prefer the term dejd vecu, (“already experienced”). The opposite of dijh vu is jamais vu, (“never seen”), the sensation that a familiar situation is completely strange. What causes dijh vu ? Almost all who’ve studied the subject, have come up with their own explanations, and hey, why not? Our knowl edge of the brain is so fragmentary that no explanation can be defi nitely discounted. Still, the chances that dijh w isa sign of telepathy, reincarnation or visitations by ones astral body, as some have suggest ed, seem pretty slim. Among the quasi-sdentific explanations, what might be called the split-image school holds that two pans of the brain participate simul taneously in the process of perception. If for some reason the impres sion from part A arrives in one’s consciousness out of sync with the impression from part B, one has the sensation of experiencing the the thing thing twice. Others explain dija vu by analogy to a tape recorder. They pro pose that memory storage is accomplished by means of a “recording head” and memory recall by a “playback head.” During dija vu the two heads are erroneously situated above the same bit of mental blank tape, An experience is thus recorded — — t-— J ---with the result that the present is exp - There are lots more theories, but / . 0_____,, Dejh vu was a hot topic in the 1890s among French psychiatrists, who came up with the name. But later researchers dismissed it as a curiosity. The Dutch psychiatrist Herman Sno sparked a revival of interest in the 1990s, arguing that dijh vu provided insight into the 1 Its long been vu are associated with various psychiatric or Some now consider dijh vu , in conjunction with other symptoms, to be diagnostic of a type of epilepsy. Researchers have found that electri cal stimulation of the brains of epileptic patients in some cases can' trigger the dijh vu phenomenon. Nothing you need to worry about. On the contrary, it seems pret ty clear that what some consider a glimpse of the supernatural is more than likely merely a cognitive burp. — CECIL ADAMS

153 Main St.. Burlington any topic. Write Cecil Adams at the Chicago Reader, 1 1 E. Illinois, Chicago, IL 60611, or

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SEVEN DAYS

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1996

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iMERRY HOLIDAYS!

The news down at the Burlington Electric | Department this past week was all about | restructuring, but not the kind of restructuring that Howard Dean is talking about. Many BED workers are miffed over a little tiff about I Christmas decorations, or rather the lack there§ o f Traditionally BED has put a big wreath on | their Pine Street H Q and Christmas lights on the trees out front. Hey, they’re the electric I company, they can afford the light bill. But this 1 year there’s been a change. According to BED GM Stephen Burroughs, Commissioner Karen Paul raised the issue of the Christian overtones of those decorations. You’ll I recall the federal case a few years back over the Menorah in City Hall Park. The appearance of | an endorsement by city government prompted | the Menorah’s transfer to Waterfront Park. Now jf everything’s hunky-dory. The same reasoning applies to the BED dec| orations. This year there’s no Christmas wreath | outside BED, and the colored Christmas lights that were strung a few weeks back have been replaced by white bulbs. I Paul tells Inside Track, “BED is not a pri| vate business, and there should not be religious I symbols of any kind on government property.’ Removing those symbols, said Paul, “is the right thing to do.” Right or not, it did prompt quite a heated 1 meeting between employees and | management on Thursday I “I’m sorry they’re upset,” f says Paul, “but we live in a 1 country that values diversity, and people should respect | everybody.” Okay, everybody happy now? Merry... whatever. Silver Bells! — Yes, its | Christmas time in the city. | Rihg-a-ling. Ting-a-Iing. But Z what is da’ mayor afraid of? * Can’t recall a mayoral cam1 paign starting as early as this | one has — especially since the incumbent, Peter Clavelle, doesn’t even have an opponent. But that didn’t stop Mayor 1 Pedro from putting out the first 1campaign literature of the sea son — a slick insert in last week’s North Avenue News, paid i for by “The Committee to Re| elect Peter Clavelle.” Picture of the wife and kids, and “ 10 Signs that Burlington is Moving Forward.” (We hear his campaign war chest is already flush.) Pretty funny stuff actually. Couldn’t possi| bly be a comeback to Inside Track’s “Clavelle I Again?” a couple weeks back, in which yours truly was hard-pressed to come up with a list of Mayor Clavelle’s accomplishments? Despite all | the ink, Clavelle’s still having trouble coming | up with a list, too. g Clavelle’s “10 signs” had a hollow ring. For ®example, “We are delivering on the promise to I reinvent city government to improve services | and control costs.” Same old blah, blah, blah. | Speaking of promises, here’s a little t Burlington trivia question for you. W hat ^ Burlington mayor promised in his inaugural 1 address that the Southern Connector would be | completed within two years? I The year was 1989. The mayor was our I favorite Winooski boy himself, Mr. Peter Clavelle. Promises, promises. Clearly, Clavelle and the Prog machine want | to scare off the opposition. After a recent city I council meeting, Clavelle gave his numero uno ; political rival, Councilor Kurt Wright, a * Republican from the New North End, some | “brotherly advice”: Kurt, you’l l have plenty o f | chances to run for mayor in the future. Now’s not i the time.

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1996

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Wright is weighing his options, and tells Inside Track he’ll have an announcement by the first of the year. He’s not worried about being outspent by Clavelle, and insists he’d love to take him on. Wright says he’s heard from a lot of “average citizens” who want him to run, but the politically savvy ones are wary. They’re telling him Clavelle has become much more “moderate,” despite his Progressive label, and if Wright runs and loses he’ll surrender the soap box his city council seat provides, too. On the council, Wright often functions as a one-man truth squad despite being ganged up on every time he begs to differ with the morally righteous Progressive machine. Without Kurt Wright step ping up to challenge him, Clavelle could get a free ride. In a political mecca like Burlington, that’d really stink. There’s got to be someone credible out there — even a Democrat. Anyone heard what Paul Lafayette’s up to these days? Bye, Bye Rambo — For seven years The Mustache has patrolled the Church Street Marketplace with charm, style and lots of respect. But this will be Cpl. Robert Booher’s last week walking the bricks. Starting with the New Year, Burlington’s mustachioed downtown | landmark will be back in a police cruiser, bouncing from call to call like a carrier pigeon. Leaving, says Booher, “absolutely breaks my heart.” He calls the downtown beat “the best job in law enforcement,” but with two kids in college and bills to pay, he’s got to put his family first. There ain’t no overtime allowed at BPD for the Marketplace beat, so it’s back to the driver’s seat. He’ll be missed, big-time. The Mustache’s presence meant 1 40 hours a week of guaranteed § daytime civility on the pedestri- | an main drag for seven years. g Now it’ll probably turn into a J skateboard park. * . Legion of Decency — Welcome j to Vermont, the world capital of | public indecency laws. This crap * really got out of hand in 1996. * Having lost out on taking away I a woman’s constitutional right | to choose an abortion, the g Moral Majority types have decided strippers are the great Satan. Since South Burlington’s 1 knee-jerk ordinance passed last | year, indecency laws are rolling g across Vermont like dominoes. „ “It’s people legislating morality for other people,” says Leslie 1 Williams, director of the Vermont chapter of I the ACLU. “Clearly, if there are establishments p that feature nude dancers, the general public is ^ not required to go there.” Really? “I don’t think nudity in itself is indecent,” | says Williams. “In fact, I find it offensive to find I it considered indecent and I imagine a lot of | Vermonters feel the same way.” Selectboards and * police departments have far more serious things i to occupy their time, says Williams. The ordi- f nances outlaw “depiction” and also “showing.” | Showing, said the ACLU chief, “can be a physi- | cal act, or it can be the National Geographic, and if you want to carry this to its logical conclu sion, the fine Vermont tradition of skinny-dipping would be outlawed.” Jeezum crow! Say It Isn’t So? — No, it can’t be true. The Burlington Free Press is not going to raise the price of the Sunday edition to $1.75 after New i Year’s, is it? It’s not worth the $1.50 it costs now. There’s tons more to read in the Saturday g paper, what with yours truly’s favorite colum- g nists Debbie Salomon and Molly Walsh. Plus ^ the Sunday edition’s been missing late-breaking 1 news and sports. Hard to believe Gannett really J needs the money. § In Burlap, the Sunday Rutland Herald goes for $2 — and there’s 10 times as much to read. mm mm mm mm mm. mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm !

SEVEN DAYS

SPEND THIS NEW YEAR'S EVE AT

L E U N IG S

Enjoy your choice of appetizer, soup or salad, entree and a dessert sam pler with coffee lor $45.00 per person, tax and gratuity not included A P P E T IZ E RS Grilled Polenta with Wild Mushrooms and Shaved Asiago Wild Game Pate with Cherry Compote Chilled Smoked Salmon with Poached Asparagus, Crisp Capers and Red Onion Butternut Squash Ravioli with Pecan Sage Pesto and Nutmeg Parmesan Cream Pan Roasted Scallops with Wild Mushroom Puree and Chive Cream Sauce S O U P OR S A L A D Roasted Tomato and Eggplant Soup with Crem e Fraiche M esclun Salad with M aple V inaigrette and Fried Parsnips C aesar Salad with Lemon Anchovy Dressing and Shaved Asiago EN T R EES Pan Roasted Fresh Salm on with Red Wine Olive Butter Herb C rusted Rack oi Lamb letable and Goat C heese Tian with lem on Fettuccine sted Duck with Pears and Honey Ginger Sauce New York Steak with Roquefort Peppercorn Butter Lobster Risotto DESSERT Four-Dessert Sam pler Coffee, lea , Espresso or C appuccino Reservations Recommended

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WHo WOULDN'T Go

N ew Year’s Eve 1996 Start your First N ight Right!

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SANTA SEZ ;

The hottest-selling book in Burlington this Christmas is... a video. The Vermont-made feature Man With a Plan has outsold every other title at Chassman & Bern Booksellers in downtown Burlington. The store moved over 700 copies in two weeks. At this rate, filmmaker John O ’Brien could be paying off his investors by the end of the year — a Christmas miracle, if ever there was one. O ’Brien uses “feeding frenzy” to quantify the ever-widening spread o f Fred. His leading man is not only holding up, he ranked number five — after Rosie O ’Donnell — in Life magazines “Rookies o f the Year” list. Could a Tuttle talk show be next? Lucky for literati, people are also buying books this Christmas. The prognosis is good for The English Patient. Walter Cronkite is big at Barnes &: Noble. The Book Rack.is spreading the word on Angelas Ashes, but also ranks books by Vermont authors Louelta Bryant, Abigail Stone, Joe Citro, Archer Mayor and Howard Mosher right up there. “People are sending them home to friends and family, because they are unique to Vermont,” Owner Mike DeSanto says o f the local selections. The new edition o f Vermont Unveiled — a guide to nude recreational spots in Vermont — has also proved to be a popular present. Beats maple syrup.

Montpelier cameraman Paul Gittelsohn was on location for the Amtrak derailment nearly ten years ago in Williston. He had lower expectations o f the annual Ukulele Expo in Montague, Massachusetts — until falsetto crooner Tiny Tim showed up, granted him an inter view, then keeled over onstage from a heart attack. Gittelsohn was shooting a video to benefit the Ukulele Hall of Fame when he met the not-so-tiny man who died mid-“Tiptoe” three months later in Minneapolis. “There was Tiny Tim, with long red hair, in his rumpled satin tuxedo,” Gittelsohn recalls the meeting. “I noticed his ankles — the only part of his body I could see t —were blue,” Gittelsohn also caugh&thtf concert on jifC in in ? .w ,> W o i B « . . film, whicq changed tunes when l im fell oft the stage, straight as a board, with a crunch.” Gittelsohn gbt advice from his old boss, Marselis Parsons, before he sold the footage to “Hard Copy,” “Entertainment Tonight” and the supermarket tabloid Globe for close to two grand. For all you ukulele lovers, the interview is now available on video. A collectors item and a his tory lesson, “Tiny Tim s Songs and Stories of the Crooners” can be yours for $24.95 plus $3 for shipping by calling l-888UKULELE.

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NO-NO MORE: [f you didn’t know Cafe No-No was a geo

in t h e p u b lic s e r v ic e

graphical reference you might get a double-negative impression from the funkiest new nightspot in the Old North End of Burlington. But those who know the place, and have been say ing “yes-yes” to it for a year, may not have a very positive reac tion to its new name — the Blue Couch Cafe. “I like the idea of starting fresh,” says owner Dawn Smith, noting she aims to make the cafe “cosier” with lots o f comfy chairs, hot vegetarian soups and — you guessed it — couches. Apparently the big “blue” is particularly popular, with a seating capacity of 10. Take a load off at the grand re-opening, on January 18. W e b u y and s e ll u s e d & c o lle c tib le b o o k s

• browsers welcome • out-of-print search service • amazing prices on 13,000 volumes • free parking

Old Books Make Great Gifts 9:30-5:30 Mon-Sat 31 Main Street at Batteiy Street 8 0 2-862-4397 p a g e -6

SEVEN DAYS

IN BRIEF:

Burlington artist Clark Russell scored another victo ry in the New York art world last month. After getting into a prestigous Long Island exhibit put together by Guggenheim curator Fiona Ragheb, Russell was one o f 12 singled out in The New York Times review for his “high energy” wall sculpture “that crushes and manipulates metal to look like the compressed motion of Abstract Expressionism.” A retrospective of his work — machines, paintings, glass pieces — opens Friday at the Exquisite Corpse Artsite at Jager DiPaola Kemp Design . . . A lot of people were looking for Big Joe Burrell at the B.B. King concert last month at Memorial Auditorium. Turns out the blues brothers had hooked up a few days earlier in Concord, New Hampshire, where they hung out and jammed. Word has it King — whose public displays of affection are normally reserved for lis guitar — gave Joe a big hug on stage . . . The Vermont Symphony Orchestra brought the Messiah to millions last Sunday, without leaving the federated church in East Arlington. Cable News Network broadcast live from the concert as part of its weeklong pre-Christmas series, “Postcards from Vermont.” The opening interview went, o f course, to Fred Tuttle. □

december

23,

1996

SILVER BELLS

C ontinued from the cover

I still had the little Phillips transistor radio then and it was playing the music you hear that time o f year — Joan Jett doing “Little Drummer Boy” and The Kinks' “Father Christmas. ” USA For Africa and all

It was Christmas or maybe Christmas Eve or maybe the day before that. I still had the little Phillips transistor radio then and it was playing the music you hear that time of year — Joan Jett doing “Little Drummer Boy” and The Kinks’ “Father Christmas.” USA For Africa and all that celebrity crap. That little radio. I miss it, for sure. I turned the TV back over to Johnny Carson and watched Ed McMahon mouth the words to something stupid and make fifty thousand bucks just for sit ting on the couch in a plaid suit on nationwide TV. The remote control was the old kind — two big buttons sticking up out of a heavy metal casing. Whenever one of us pressed the buttons, it let out a wheeze like when you sit down on the cushions of a Naugahyde couch in a bus station somewhere and all the air tries to escape. I turned up the radio because I knew Matty was awake and just waiting for the day to end so he could go to sleep for the night. On the country station, somebody was doing a Christmas song I remembered from when I was little and my mom was always in the bell choir. They played it every year at the pageant. Matty rolled over so his back was to me, and I could see the dirt on his socks’ soles. We used to have quite a pageant back home in New Hampshire. I got to be a little cherub angel when we were small, and then, when I was in the eighth grade, I was a shep herd with some of the other boys. The girls were angels who held onto battery-powered can dles that sometimes would conk out right in the middle of one of the songs they were singing. Jesus Christ, it’s like I can see them now, waving them things around in the dark and singing, “Gloria! Gloria!” and the lights going out. Candles blinking on and off right at the most important time of all: when the girls were supposed to light up the angel of the Lord, come to make the miracle known to everybody. They were all so pretty, despite everything. The pageant was for sure the biggest crowd they ever got in church, except maybe for funer als for some of the old people with a lot of relations. It seems like they could have sprung for some new electric candles. W hen Matty was a little cherub, he picked the old junker doll they used as baby Jesus right up out of the cradle. Did he ever get people laughing for that. I kicked over at his feet. “Hey, you remember that time

you picked up the baby Jesus right out the cra dle?” He just sort of hunched his shoulders and made a closedmouth sound. I don’t know, maybe he had really fallen asleep by then. After a little bit, he got up and made a big show of stretching and yawning. He wouldn’t look at me.

saw me looking at him and felt himself over for a bit before realizing what was wrong. W hen he went back into the bathroom, I switched the channel back over to the scrambled station. The remote wheezed and then there was a girl in a nurse uniform on the television. O r maybe she was a sailor. I put my pants on.

n the radio, the singer was really overworking the poor song, like they all will if given half a chance, and I lis tened to the words he was singing, about the holly and the green bush and baby Jesus. I’d never heard the words before, just bell notes. I didn’t even know words existed. There was the inevitable swell of steel gui tars and a bunch of back-up singers came in for the big cho rus: “Hol-ly! Hol-ly! Hol-ly!” I used to sing half decent if nobody was around and it was just me and the car radio or whatever. Especially with rock ’n’ roll music, which I love. I have lots of tapes. When I was in school I sort of figured for a while that maybe I’d be one of the wise men from the East when I got a little older, and if the three regulars — Jeffrey Pike and Robert Pike and Scott Piper — got sick of it and quit. Seems pretty funny now, I guess. So much water under ^ the bridge or whatever. Jeffrey Pike got to carry the big silver jug for myrrh, which I always liked pretty well. It seemed like it would be nice to have that crown and big fake beard on and every body knowing it was you underneath, walking down the far aisle with the empty jug of myrrh, singing “We Three Kings” just like last year and just like next year. Everybody listened close when they spoke so well all together, “Where is he that is born King of the Jews?” Everybody lis tened even if you sang like you had a toad in your throat, like Scott Piper did year after year. I remember it all. By then Ed McMahon was standing up and waving his arms around over his head. Johnny Carson leaned his chin on his old man’s hand and looked amused under that big stupid fucking hat. Matty came out of the bath room with white toothpaste spit running down his cheek. He

y mother played the big heavy bass bells. I can remember seeing her, too. They’d all stand in the back, the whole line of women behind the pews with their white gloves on. Even when it was dark as a cave in the church and some body was singing solo from the balcony, you could see the line of white gloves — hands in palms — waiting patiently. Discipline, or something like it. Me and Matty’d cracked an Alpine stereo out of a Celica in the train station parking lot the night before, so the thighs of my pants were covered in road dust from leaning against the door when I worked the jimmy on the lock. The metallic paint on those cars can really hide the dirt. Matty traded the Alpine for another three days’ rent on the room. Some places will only give you a night for a radio like that. But this was in Pennsyl vania, which was new to us.

Those silver bells were plen ty heavy, believe it or not. I don’t know what they’d be worth. You need a strong woman like my mom used to be if you expect somebody to keep knocking away at the big ones down on the low end of the musical register. She used to practice in the living room — arrange her set of bells and her gloves and her sheet music and her electric metronome on her ironing board, and then she’d do her exercises: swinging the bell out from her chest and then muting it back against the towel over her shoulder. Whole notes, half notes, quarter notes.

My brothers Matty and Clarence and me could hear her from downstairs where the TV was when we were still a family. Then she’d play along with the practice cassette tape she kept in her dresser drawer yearround, serious as a heart attack to look at her face. All during “Gunsmoke,” you’d hear the big soft notes hanging in the air. It sounded funny then, her all alone in the world like that. I guess I hadn’t thought on all this business about the pageant and home in quite a long while. “Look at Ed McMahon,” Matty said. He had the remote control in his hand. “He’s like somebody’s friggin’ grandpa, esus. I said, “It’s three-thirty, it’s going to take us a while to get there.” Outside, it might as well have been September. No snow at all. Matty squinted at the sun and said, “I’m glad I’m not from here. This is nothing.” We crossed the empty park ing lot and the highway and went through the tall weeds underneath the viaduct for the old tracks and then across the trainyard where box cars and tankers sat still on their steel wheels like they’d been there forever. I saw that my brother Matty needed some new shoes pretty bad — his black bas ketball sneak ers were faded to white at the tip of each toe. I think I planned on stopping at a shoe store after we got Clarence’s money, but it never hap pened. Things changed pret ty fast. There was a lot of cash. We passed over a high school foot ball field with a rubber track running around it and then cut through a thin bit of woods before finding the side walk that ran into town. We saw the Western Union sign hanging at the far end of the deserted street and walked down the yellow line toward the electric doors. It was quiet as hell outside. It must have been Christmas. □ Creston Lea is reading at Crow Bookshop in Burlington on January 22 with his father, Newbury, Vermont writer Sydney Lea.

that celebrity crap. december

23,

1996

SEVEN DAYS

page

C o ffe e D r in k e r s N e e d e d f o r U V M S t u d y ... -Must be willing to abstain from coffee, tea, &cola. - Three 3hr morning sessions &three 3hr evening session.

MONDAY

RUSS FLANAGAN (rock), Nectar’s, 9:30 p.m. N o cover. BARBACOA, CONSTRUCTION JOE, LINDY PEAR (surf, alt-rock), Club M etronom e, 9:30 p.m. N o cover. WOMEN'S NIGHT (dinner), Last Elm, 6 p.m. $2/D on ation s. ALLEY CAT JAM (rockblues), Alley Cats, 9 p.m. N o cover.

............ ...............................

MARTIN GUIGUI

(rock), Nectar’s, 9:30 p.m. N o cover. Jeffersonville, 6:30 p.m. N o cover.

•• • P R E P A RE F O R T A K E - O F F

-Reimbursement

$330

up to:

TUESDAY MIKE DEVERS & LAUSANNE ALLEN

(folk), Three M ountain Lodge,

Just in time for winter, Rocketsled is back together and ready

to sleigh. Joining them is bass player Dave Barnett, late of Chin Ho!, and all of them join

lS p J

W onderdrug metalcore sensations Scissorfight w ith Drowningm an and Last Ones Standing, for an unholy racket at Toast,

C a ll:

660-3079

(Ask for study #33)

December 29. Rocketsled promises a free three-song cassette (new m aterial!) to the first 20 people in the door.

Regular hours through the holidays Closed Christm as Day OPEN NEW YEARS DAYI

9am-4pm ^B reakfast, Lunch and B ru n ch ^ available for private parties

36 main street, winooski - 655-9081

•

TH€

Soups Salads

GEORGE PETIT TRIO (jazz), EMMY GAY (comedian),

M ona’s Jazz Bar, 7 p.m. N o cover. HANNIBAL & AGOSTI (rock), Nectar’s, 9:30 p.m. N o cover. 135 Pearl, 8 p.m. $5, followed by LITTLE MARTIN (DJ), 110 p.m. $3. SKAVOOVIE & THE EPITONES (ska), Club Toast, 9:30 p.m. $ 5 /7 . RETRONOME (funk, disco, ’80s DJ Craig M itchell), Club M etronom e, 9 p.m. N o C o n tin u e d on n e x t p a g e ...

By: Pamela PoUton

house-rockin’ New Orleans and Chicago style.

stepping up the career o f his doppelganger, Mr. Bluesman, lately, ____________________ This 14-minute demo-for-sale was recorded, as the title dearly states, live at

* Orange Caramelized Duck Seared Herbed Tuna with Mushroom Vinaigrette * Mushrooms and Roasted Root Vegetables with Quinoa Grilled Beef Tenderloin with Dried Cherry Port Sauce Mushroom Stuffed Roast Chicken

And Maura's Fabulous Desserts!

Order either a la carte or as a four-course entree all inclusive (with a split of champagne per couple.) * Bar menu also served in bar. Call for reservations. 15 Center Street • Burlington • 862.9647 page

FRID A Y

SATURDAY

Burlington’s Progressive city councilor, Dave Keller, has been

Appetizers Smoked Salmon Sampler • Artichoke Ricotta Torte Grilled Rabbit Sausage

T E C H (self-released

Shrimp with Mixed Greens and Lemon Dill Vinaigrette Winter Green Salad with Spiced Pecans and Gorgonzola

Entrees

V jM

CLYDE STATS TRIO (jazz), Windjammer, 5 p.m. N o cover. PERRY NUNN (acoustic), Ruben James, 5 p m N o cover STEVE GOLDBERG TRIO (jazz), Mona’s Jazz Bar, 5:30 p.m. N o cover. BOOTLESS & UNHORSED (Irish), Last Chance, 7-30 p m N o cover. ARIEUS (house DJ Craig M itchell), 135 Pearl, 9 p.m. $5. GRAND RE-OPENING W/CHIN HO!, EMILY, SANDOZE (alt-rock) Club Toast, 10 p.m. $5. HANNIBAL & AGOSTI (rock), Nectar’s, 9:30 p.m . N o cover. BABY'S NICKEL BAG (acid jazz), Club M etronome, 9:30 p.m. $4. BILL TEMPLE & PETE MYER (acoustic), Vermont Pub & Brewery, 10 p.m. N o cover. TSUNAMI (blues-rock), Alley Cats, 9:30 p.m. N o cover. COMEDY ZONE (stand-up), Radisson H otel, 8 & 10 p.m. $7. PLAYERS (rock), Patches Pub, Holiday Inn, 9 p.m. N o cover. HIGHLAND WEAVERS (Irish), Tuckaw(ry’s, Sheraton|-9 p-faCNfe^ j cover. JAMIE LEE & THE RATTLERS (country-rock), Thirsty Turtle, Waterbury, 9:30 p.m. $3. DAVE KELLER BLUES BAND, Charlieo s, Montpelier, 10 p.m. N o cover. TOM & DAVE (acoustic), Main Street Bar & Grill Downstairs, Montpelier, 8 p.m. N o cover. BL00Z0T0MY (acid blues), Mad M ountain Tavern, Waitsfield, 9 p.m. $3. THE DODGER (classic rock), Gallagher’s, Waitsfield, 10 p.m. $4. ABAIR BROS (rock), Rusty Nail, Stowe, 9 p.m. $5. MIKE DEVERS & LAUSANNE ALLEN (folk), Three M ountain Lodge, Jeffersonville, 6:30 p.m. N o cover. RUSS FLANAGAN (rock), Cafe Banditos, Smugglers N otch, Jeffersonville, 9:30 p.m. $3. DIAMOND JIM JAZZ BAND, D iam ond Jim’s Grille, St. Albans, 8 p.m.

THE DAVE KELLER BLUES sound. Though Keller has originals in his reper BAND, L IV E AT LOU toire, these four songs are blues covers in the

* Lobster Bisque • Potato Lentil and Dried Mushrooms

9 p.m. $5.

N o cover.

M LY. pw ner New Year's Eve Menu #

WEDNESDAY (rock), Nectar’s, 9:30 p.m. N o cover

...... .............................. .................................................© THURSDAY OPEN MIKE NIGHT WITH MARK GALBO (acoustic), Cactus Cafe, 8 p.m. N o cover. GEORGE PETIT & THE DESIRED EFFECT (jazz), Halvorson’s, 9 p.m. $2. MARTY MORRISSEY (Irish), Vermont Pub & Brewery, 10 p.m. N o cover. BUZZ NIGHT (alt DJ) 133 Pearl, 10 p.m. $2 after 11 p.m. SETH YACOVONE BLUES BAND, Nectar’s, 9:30 p.m. N o cover. MARK TWANG (countryrock), Patches Pub, Holiday Inn, 9 p.m. N o cover. SUPERSOUNDS DJ, Thirsty Turtle, Waterbury, 9 p.m. N o cover. JIM & IAN (DJs), Charlie-o’s, Montpelier, 9 p.m. N o cover. SANDRA WRIGHT BAND (r&b, blues), Mad M ountain Tavern Waitsfield, 9 p.m. $3. OPEN MIKE, Gallagher’s, Waitsfield, 8:30 p.m. N o cover. ABAIR BROS (rock), Rusty Nail, Stowe

£ Holiday ^ Hours at

Nato on bass and Gleason on drums the band necessari *. .

maintains a spare,

SEVEN DAYS

de c e mb e r

23.

1996

Professional DJ Services •parties •weddings •reunions •picnics •dances •nightclubs •etc. Thousands of CDs-all types of music! Call M ike DeLatte at 660-9394 ...SO UL KITCHEN

Critics singled out Sandra W right

over tw o decades ago and, though she hasn't exactly

F ir 9

become a household name, if KoKo Taylor ever steps aside, look out. Transplanted from Nashville to N ew England, the Southern-fried diva can at least claim the Queen of the Blues

Candlss

shake the rafters this Thursday at Mad M ountain Tavern in W aitsfield.

PAMELA

POLSTON

SMELLS LIKE FAME What do you know, Burlington’s own cartoonist superstar, James Kochalka, is gracing the cover of the latest Thicker magazine. Or rather, his alter-ego is, in the form of a green, pointy-eared creature that bears a striking resemblance to the elfin Magic Boy. In the same issue JKS reviews other zinestyle comics, gives shamelessly glowing reviews to two fellow Dot Dot Dash labelmates (Philistines Jr. and The Zambonis) and inter views cartoonist Rick Veitch, author/illustrator of Rare Bit Fiends. The San Francisco-based Thicker also features Kochalkas own comics, plus an ad for his comics. Let’s just call it the James Kochalka issue — getting closer every day to his stated goal of being famous. Doesn’t hurt to have connections with the “Exalted Potentate,” former Burlingtonian Eric Bradford, whom I hear will be visiting the Que^o ^ t y this holiday seaspn. ■ * a ->v vy? :. ■ > . •. t -v

DOCtor is in.

M o u n t a in

crown in th e north country. W right and her red-hot band

rhythm&news

The

COMIC RELIEF Speaking of comix, guess who’s joined the “strip” club? Local boy Shaun Varney, bassist for Five Seconds Expired, illus trates, and Lipslide guitarist Derek Pearson writes, the new comic-’zine, Sin 7. (Is this about the seven deadly sins or what?) With the monicker Pazuzu (something about a fictional god from H.P Lovecraft) Comics, the two have just churned out, and photocopied, a dark, anti-corporate vision in which the males look like Robocop and the women like aerobic instructors, and it’s hard to tell which are the good guys and which the bad. Maybe they’re all bad — we’ll have to wait and see how the plot, such as it is, thickens. As Varney himself writes apologetically toward the end, the draw ing lacks finesse. I find the story erratic, but it’s not hard to figure out what the message is. An additional, more crudely rendered comic at the back, “Edmite the Terrible,” we could live without. Consider Sin 7 an adolescent (boy) fantasy finally realized in black and white. Look for it at Earth Prime and other likely spots — it’s only a buck. ;v -mt

SP(p

IW (5

28 Ckorcl. St*-««t. Burliix^toh Rt. 1°°, Wkt«rLory C«nt«r

802.862.6911

LOCAL STREET DATE: JANUARY 1.1997

C ontinued on page 10 —

Got something to tell Rhythm &: News? Call Pamela at (802) 864.5684. Or mail your tip to P.O. Box 1164, Burlington, VT 05402, or e-mail to sevenday@together.net.

B A N D N A M E OF THE W E E K : . . . B A C K IN T H E S A D D L E

Sight Tiny Reindeer

Richmond guitar w rang ler Jamie Lee Thurston

rocks w ith a tw an g . He's just returned from L.A. w ith 12 tracks, soon to be his first CD (look for a review on these pages soon). And if there is justice in the w orld. Country to the Bone w ill establish Jamie Lee as the next honkytonk hunk. W hile he's still Vermont's ow n , catch him w ith Rattlers at the Thirsty Turtle in W aterbury this Friday. (Sorry, cow girls and boys, Saturday's party at th e Radisson is already sold out.)

cover. DAVE KELLER BLUES BAND, Manhattan Pizza, 9:30 p.m. No cover. BOOTLESS & UNHORSED (Irish), Last Chance, 7:30 p.m. No cover. TSUNAMI (blues-rock), Alley Cats, 9:30 p.m. No cover. COMEDY ZONE (stand-up), Radisson Hotel, 8 & 10 p.m., $7; also JAMIE LEE & THE RATTLERS (country-rock), 9 p.m. $10 (sold out). PLAYERS (rock), Patches Pub, Holiday Inn, 9 p.m. No cover. BOB GESSER (jazz guitar), Tuckaway’s, Sheraton Hotel, 9 p.m. No cover. JIMMY T &THE CANADIAN ROCKERS (rock), Thirsty Turtle, Waterbury, 9:30 p.m. $2. MICHAEL OAKLAND &ERIC KOELLER (jazz), Main Street Bar and Grill Downstairs, Montpelier, 8 p.m. No cover. COLD STEEL BLUES BAND, Charlie-o’s, Montpelier, 9:30 p.m. No cover. BUFFALO HIRD (rock), Gallagher’s, Waitsfield, 9:30 p.m. $4. (SIC) (modern rock), Mad Mountain Tavern, Waitsfield, 9:30 p.m. $3. ABAIRBROS. (rock), Rusty Nail, Stowe, 9 p.m. $5. JOEL CAGE (singer-songwriter), Cuppa’s, Stowe, 7 p.m. $5. EAST COAST MUSCLE (r&b, rock), Cafe Banditos, Smuggler’s Notch, Jeffersonville, 9:30 p.m. $3.

SUNDAY

PATTI CASEY, MATT MCGIBNEY, BOB GAGNON (acoustic), City Market, 11 a.m. No cover. ROCKETSLED, DROWNINGMAN, SCISSORFIGHT, LAST ONES STANDING (hardcore), Club Toast, 10 p.m. $5. FLEX RECORD NIGHT (dub DJ), Club Metronome, 9:30 p.m. No cover. HANNIBAL & AGOSTI (rock), Nectar’s, 9:30 p.m. No cover. EMMY GAY (comedian), 135 Pearl, 8 p.m. $5. PATTY LYNCH (acoustic), Thirsty Turtle, Waterbury, 8 p.m. No cover. GLENDON ENGALLS (jazz guitar), Main Street Bar and Grill Downstairs, Montpelier, 11 a.m. No cover. THE CLIQUE (rock), Rusty Nail, Stowe, 9 p.m. $5. VOODUDES (New Orleans Cajun rock), Mad Mountain Tavern, Waitsfield, 9:30 p.m. $3. LIVE PIE (rock), Gallaghers, Waitsfield, 9 p.m. $4.

Alcazar Productions is proud to announce the upcoming release of Patachou! by George Petit. In addition to the award-winning international work Petit has done, he is also a regular working member of the driving jazz movement in Vermont. Catch George & The Desired Effect on Thursday nights at Halvorson's & Saturdays at Mona's! „ \

a foundation production

H appy H ogm anay! from all of us at Alcazar Productions! We thank you for your support and wish you good fortune for 1997!

MONDAY

THE X-RAYS (rock), Nectars, 9:30 p.m. No cover. JUSAGROOVE (disco party), Club Metronome, 9:30 p.m. No cover. FLASHBACK: HITS OF THE '80S (DJ), Club Toast, 10 p.m. No cover/$5 under 21. WOMEN'S NIGHT (dinner & bad poetry party), Last Elm, 6 p.m. $2/Donations. ALLEY CAT JAM (rock-blues), Alley Cats, 9 p.m. No cover. THE CLIQUE (rock), Rusty Nail, Stowe, 9 p.m. $5. BERNICE LEWIS (acoustic singer-songwriter), Cuppa’s, Stowe, 7 p.m. $5. PURE PRESSURE (r&b), Mad Mountain Tavern, Waitsfield, 9:30 p.m. $3. LAMBSBREAD (reggae), Gallagher’s, Waitsfield, 10 p.m. $5.

A ll cl ubs in Bur l i ngt on unl ess ot herwi se not ed. Al so l ook f or “Sound A d v i c e ” at h t t p: / / www. bi ghe av y wor l d. c om/

december

23,

1996

SEVEN DAYS

page

P e c - 31 •♦ •*%>* <& NEW YEAR'S EVE CELEBRATION

$2.50

Champagne Toast at Midnight, Free Party Favors /jrt>

Labatt Blue Molson Ice Bottles Saturday Sunday

M onday

Tuesday ' V

& <&>' 862-5159

M a i n St

2 0 y e a rs in t h e M a k i n g BAKERY • G R O C E R Y • PRE P ARE D F O O D S BULK HE R B S • V I T A M I N S H O M E O P A T H I C REMEDIES ORGANIC PRODUCE

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O R G A N I C W I N E S &. C O F F E E S FREE R A N G E C H I C K E N F R E S H S E A F O O D 8. M E A T S

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Door Prizes & Raffles throughout the n ig h f-U

LAST C H A N C E B EA D E R Y J * u / e l r y u /ith A f i s h y *hr>f>k\sis XvxilxkU xt R«dk«rry Bouti<ju«, PLo«»\ix Risiu^, Wood Art G\||«ry

ky Yvot\i\« B\i.k 456-1844

n i t r i L , if n u » f/i if # o P I E ? (selfreleased cassette) — One answer to the question this recording poses is: not me. Despite starring off with the sound o f fire crackers, Live Pie never explodes on this 11-song cassette, recorded at Noteworthy Studios. Despite, too, the presence of a ' totally in-the-pocket, and very prominent, rhythm section — its no surprise to learn that producer Chris Coon is also the drum mer. I have a feeling this ensemble from the Mad River Valley might be a groovin’ unit live, but here its invisible sonic leash never quite disappears. Barbara Garvin’s sassy alto is promising but lacks fire let it rip, girl — and Coons voice is, well, lets just say he’s much better with sticks. Live Pie goes sans vocals just as often — in fact, the best cut on Who Wants Pie? is a laid-back jazz instrumental with a snaky walking bass line, “The Minor Jazz Thing.” But when Live Pie tries to be an

h is u n d a y

r&b, reggae or Latin band, it just comes out half-baked. Test my, speculation that Live Pie is more toothsome in concert —- !i: Hr. Sunday at Gallagher’s in Waitsfield. □

RHYTHM & NEWS

C ontinued from page 9

TOAST THIS It’ll sail be on the

Give s o m e o n e y o u lo v e th e b lu es fo r Christm as .

second floor and have a low ceiling, but by the new year Club Toast will also have a whole new look. Major reno vations include moving the bar to the back (east) wall, the walk-in across to the former coat closet, new carpet and tiles, and adding a bunch of new seating, both in the bar and the dance floor area. Co owner Dennis Wygmans assures that there will be both more standing and more sit ting space. A neat trick, that. No changes planned for the men’s room yet — that famous graffiti is apparently hard to part with. Most of the work will be done by the 27th, just in time for a Grand ReOpening. Prost.

THE POOREST ALTERNATIVE?

L a k e P la c id , N e w Y o i Olympic Center Box Office 518-476-1000 For lodging inform<

page

^LL T /C K t= r (m * s r (= t= i LOCATIONS

18-523-3330/802-862-5300 1-800-447-5224.

SEVEN DAYS

Imagine having to hold a bake sale to keep your radio station on the air. Well, it’s not quite that bad, but the University of Vermont “has cut our budget in half this year,” laments WRUV station manager Matthew Smith, who says the student-run station needs to raise about $35,000. The “bet ter alternative” recently held a raffle — prizes donated by

local merchants — that gener ated $1000 for the beleagured student-run station, one-tenth of the amount raised so far. Smith is grateful to the DJs who sold, and the community which bought, tickets. But one grand is chicken feed when you need new studio equip ment, the antenna’s on the blink, the headphones are duct-taped and the main onair mic is “held together with 25 rubber bands,” says Smith. Expensive fiber-optics lurk in the near future, too, but for now the station would be thrilled just to get a new mix ing board — the price tag is about $15,000. Santa, are you listening?

BIG HEAVY UPDATE Hard keeping up with that web-guy, Jim Lockridge — and I work in the same office. The latest enterprise is getting Burlington-area bands with CDs onto Web Radio — a commercial-free, random-play, Burlington music “radio” sta tion on the World Wide Web. Don’t ask me to explain it. If you’ve got a CD and would like the rest of the human race to be able to hear it, contact Jim at www.bigheavyworld .com. □ december

23,

1996

^ -j-OtterCneekl

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ing that picture. It was the first winter after the divorce and she had just picked him up from day care. They had stopped to pick up film for the camera and were continuing the walk home. He was so quiet Liz was sure that he was missing his dad. The silence was an agonized scream to Liz. Talk to me, Tim, she thought, please. Tell me how the hurt feels so that I

Bv A n n ie McCormi c k

truck carrying 250 pigs overturned on Route 89 last night, causing major traffic tieups between Barre and Montpelier. iz burrowed deeper into the pillows, stretching out long and flat, trying to enjoy the comfort for just a little bit longer. A memorial as she brushed ashes off the can help you. service will be held tomorrow athletic woman racing across • When she thought that she morning at St. Mark’s Church in the cover. As she placed the might burst with all of his sad Montpelier, followed by a recep book on her dresser she caught ness and resentment, Tim tion. BLTs will be served. Two sight of Tim’s picture stuck to turned to her and said, “Mama, hundred and fifty small round the side of the mirror. I love the way the snow sounds coffins... everyone in attendance For the past three years, ever under my feet.” She turned to requested to wear pink. since he had started spending him and stared. Liz reawakened with a jolt summers and holidays with his Shaking her head, Liz and took a peek at the clock. dad, Liz placed extra pictures of turned from the picture. It Maybe, just maybe she’d read Tim around the house. They looks like it’s going to be anoth the time wrong. Feeling so reminded her of his existence er beautiful day, she thought, as warm and safe in bed, Liz often she rolled up the wished she Venetian blinds would stay in the living awake to enjoy The cafe was crowded and Liz stood at room. The sun her sleep. was glinting off Unfortunately the back o f the line eying the last two the snow that the bright red fallen in the numbers on the oatmeal scones. She pictured herself bit had night. I wonder clock, oblivious ing and scratching the blonde woman in if they would to her wishes, miss me at work continued their fron t o f her, maybe pulling her hair out today if I called upward climb in sick. I could and she forced in clumps, fighting her to the ground i f get some herself out of she tried to take those remaining scones. Christmas shop bed, only to ping done, or step right into maybe clean out the ashtray that the oven... she had left on and served as mental snapshots Don’t, don’t even play with the floor, knocking butts and to hold onto when she needed that, she said aloud as she head ashes everywhere. to be grounded. ed to the bathroom. Liz leaned over to pick up God, she thought, such per Squeezing the last of the the book on running that she’d fect pink cheeks and perfect toothpaste onto the brush, she been reading the night before smooth skin, a cherub in a and smiled with embarrassment snowsuit. She remembered tak Continued on page 12

december

23,

1996

SEVEN DAYS

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they read from the B “Mom, I have to get i IfffC o n tin u e d fro n tp a g e / for work. I’ll call you tonight, ran the cold water and absenflyl okay?” Ijbrusheciaway pi&r^triains o f She was careful not to slam cigarette and nighttime breath. the phone or throw it thi When was the last time I die living room called in side, anyway, she took another look at mused, half expecting the to check just how much time reflection in the mirror tn give she’d lost because of this phone fher an answer. 'Lets see, m om call. and dad were up at the end o f .. Pulling paper dips, under May. I’m sure I called in sick wear and junk mail out of her the day they left. sock drawer, Liz finally located ’ Liz rinsed out her mouth, the purple flowered sock that spat in the sink, straightened i matched her sweater. As she and locked eyes with the face was pulling the sock on, she before her. Okay, I won’t do it. turned to find a used birthday I’ll go to work. candle glued to the toe with She headed back to the chocolate icing, probably from bedroom, hoping that todays Tim’s last birthday. I have to outfit would somehow appear before her, perhaps leaping from the closet and on to her - ■ 'V C V-c 'ft:.?#Iffi body, creating a comfortable yet elegant appearance. A look that would carry her through When she thought the day, forcing people to be drawn to her subde charm, intelligence and self-assurance that she might burst as they found themselves slap ping her on the back at the end with all o f his sad of the day, eager to know what her plans were for the evening. She was rudely interrupted by ness and resentment, the sound of the phone. “Hello?” Tim turned to her “Liz, I’ll be bringing a ham,” the voice screeched on the other end of the line. An and said, “Mama, I angry crow sitting on top of a telephone pole. She looked at the clock, precious minutes love the way the going by. “Mom? A ham? For what?” snow sounds under “For Christmas, dear,” the voice continued. “And after Christmas, your father and I my feet. ” are extending the vacation. There is a marvelous bus trip that goes from Montreal to Quebec City. Since we’ll be in the neighborhood, we’ll stop by and visit you for the week get these drawers organized, end.” she reminded herself. Liz leaned against the The phone rang again, but counter. Her parents’ idea of a this time she continued pulling weekend began on Wednesday off her skirt, favoring her more and ended the following comfortable jeans instead. Tuesday. “Hi, this is Liz, I cant come - “Oh, yeah, that will be to the phone right now....” great, m om ,” Liz replied, her “Liz, this is Elaine. Listen, I face very hot and her voice had a great meeting last night very calm. with my group. My mood “Daddy and I just got seems to be picking up and I’m home from a lovely mass for doing better than ever. Anyway, Father Bliss. I told you that he call me. You never do, so don’t died, didn’t I? The ceremony forget.” was just gorgeous, the passage I can’t believe it, Liz

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momentarily blinded by the sunlight reflecting off the lake. The light was surrounding her, as if holding her up, and as she stared, she saw the pigs picking themselves off the highway and heading toward the mountain tops to dance. Her mother spun and twirled behind them, carrying the ham on a festive platter. The paper clips in her sock drawer, the huge pile of clothes on her bed, the early morning phone calls, they sud denly seemed so small, while the mountains and the lake were giant, and so beautiful. I remember why I live here, Liz thought to herself, and she thought of Tim. Mama, / love how the snow sounds under my feet. □ flip

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he rain fell like firedrops from the gods, and I was alone in my car on the side of a highway in Pennsylvania, waiting out the storm. Somewhere 150 miles away in northern New Jersey, Mom, Dad, Susie and Jacob were lighting the candles without me. It was depressing, sitting there in my ’87 Honda, made worse by the fact that only a country music station came in clearly. But it was better than the voices in my head. This was the first year I was away from home for Chanukah. Rutgers had been an easy drive back for the first night, truly the only special night we all had together each year. It was sort of an inane Jewish tradition, cele brating Chanukah religiously when we didn’t even observe the high holy days. I don’t even believe in God, haven’t since

Muffy got run over by a Salvation Army truck when I was twelve. My whole Bar Mitzvah was a sham, done only for the presents. I suppose this was my punish ment, and if there was a God, he was laughing at me as I sat there on Interstate 70, some where outside Washington Courthouse, PA. All I could smell was the metallic odor of the heater, which made matters worse. For days I’d been craving Mom’s latkes, those potato pancakes she made from scratch, fried to near oblivion, to be dunked in sour cream and applesauce. I was hungry, and all I had was a bag of Cheetos and some flat Pepsi. I took a swig and gri maced. The sun was going down, and I was not home. I hoped they were worried about

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SEVEN DAYS

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© monday music TRILLIUM SINGERS: Seasonal music from the Renaissance to the present is featured at a special candlelight program o f holiday carols. West Salisbury Meeting House, 7:30 p.m. Free. Info, 388-3856. OPEN REHEARSAL: Women lend their vocal chords to a harmonious rehearsal o f the Champlain Echoes. S. Burlington, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 864-6703.

t h e a t e r ‘G IFT O F T H E MAGI’: Vermont Stage performs this holiday musical about two people who sell their most prized posses sions to buy gifts for each other. Royall Tyler Theater, UVM, Burlington, 7 p.m. $8-16. Info, 656-2094. AUDITIONS: The Champlain College Players start auditioning actors for The Merchant o f Venice today. Champlain College, Burlington. Free. Appointments, 860-2707.

© fuesday etc BLOOD DRIVE: “The need for blood never takes a holiday," says Carol Dembeck o f the American Red Cross. Volunteers will wrap your presents while you donate the “the gift of life.” Red Cross, Blair Park, Williston, 6 a.m. - 2 p.m. Free. Info, 658-6400.

etc TEEN HEALTH C LIN IC: Teens get information, supplies, screening and treatment for sexually related problems. Planned Parenthood, Burlington, 3:30-6 p.m. Pregnancy testing is free. Info, 863-6326. EM O TIO N S AN ONYM OUS: People with depression, anxiety and other emo tional problems meet at the O ’Brien Center, S. Burlington, 7:30 p.m. Donations. Info, 660-9036.

Library, Burlington, 1 p.m. Free. Info, 865-7216.

etc

etc SN O W SH O E ROM P: Try out Tubbs, Atlas, Inversion and other brands of snowshoes at a moonlight romp with ice cream and hot chocolate. Hubbard Park, Montpelier, 7-9:30 p.m. Free, but dona tions to the park maintenance fund enter you in a raffle. Info, 229-9409. LESBIGAY YO U TH SU PPO RT M EETIN G: Young lesbian, bisexual, gay and “questioning” folks are welcome. Burlington, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 800-452-2428.

©Wednesday Christmas day

art

kids ‘HISTORY CLU BH O U SE’: Vacationing kids between the ages o f seven and 11 enjoy activities based on early Vermont society. Ethan Allen Homestead, Burlington, 8:30 a.m. - noon. $12. Register, 865-4556.

STORY HO UR: Toddlers listen to tales at the Milton Public Library, 10:30 a.m. Free. Info, 893-4644.

W O M E N ’S ART GROUP: Women artists meet weekly for feedback, ideas and support. Burlington Waterfront, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 862-3269.

BLUES BLOW-OUT: All road trips lead to Lake Placid on the Sunday after Christmas for a rare and rocking concert with Blues Traveler. Harmonica mas ter John Popper blows the way.

music

©Saturday music C O N TRA DANCE: Rachel Nevitt calls for David Carpenter, Mark Sustic, Sid Blum and Tom MacKenzie. Edmunds School Cafeteria, Burlington, 8 p.m. $6. Info, 658-0832. Beginners get help at 7:30 p.m.

t h e a t e r

‘MESSIAH’: The Oriana Singers and the Vermont Mozart Festival Orchestra per form selections from the classic Christmas oratorio. Sugarbush Resort, Warren, 7:30 p.m. $18-25. Info, 800639-9097.

quarter time. Singles and couples cut the rug in the Sunset Ballroom, Quality Suites, S. Burlington, 8 p.m. $10. Info, 862-2207.

t h e a t e r ‘GIFT OF T H E MAGI’: See December 23.

d a n c e BALLROOM DANCE: Learn the Viennese waltz in an hour-and-a-half les son, then dance the night away in three-

kids

‘GIFT OF T H E MAGI’: See December 23. ‘EMMY GAY’: Santa in drag, Jesse Helms’ nuts roasting on an open fire... The most popular comic on the gay cir cuit offers favorite holiday tales with a twist. Shoebox Theatre, 135 Pearl, Burlington, 8 p.m. $5. Info, 863-2343.

kids

HISTORY CLUBHOUSE’: See December 23.

MAGIC BY MARKO: Folks over four watch a magician at work. Fletcher

‘LIFE O N T H E CANAL’: W hat was life like on the old Champlain canal boats? A one-woman show chronicles the life o f a drifter. Lake Champlain Basin Science Center, Burlington, 1 p.m. Free with $2 museum admission. Info, 864-1848. PARADE REHEARSAL: If you want a part in a pyrotechnical parade, pick up a costume at this important First Night rehearsal. Dragon Dance Theater, Worcester, 10 a.m. Free. Register, 223-5124. NATURE PROGRAM S: A naturalist offers free “interpretation” on a morning ski at 10 a.m. O r learn about the alpine boreal and northern hardwood forests at 1 p.m. Mad River Glen, Irasville. $10 each. Info, 496-3551. OW L PROWL: Slides, audio tapes and resident live birds prepare you for a real owl prowl — outdoors. Vermont Institute o f Natural Science, Woodstock, 7-8:30 p.m. $7. Register, 457-2779. CROSS-COUNTRY SKI: This back-coun try trek in the Nebraska Notch area of Underhill State Park covers seven difficult miles. Meet at UVM Visitor Parking, Burlington, 9 a.m. Free. Register, 862-3100.

©Sunday music BLUES TRAVELER: The H .O.R.D .E. headliners play long, hard and live at the Olympic Center, Lake Placid, N.Y. 7:30 p.m. $20. Info, 476-1000.

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1996

t h e a t e r ‘G IFT O F T H E M AGI’: See December 23, 2 p.m. ‘& 4M Y GAY’: See December 28.

film

film is based on the book by James Joyce. Cafe No No, Burlington, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 865-5066.

k i d s NATURE PROGRAM: Kids get an introduction to ecosystems at 10 a.m. The characteristics and patterns of snow

classes

‘PASSAGES FROM FIN N EG A N ’S WAKE’: Mary Ellen Butes’ prize-winning

dance

SW ING: Six Mondays starting January 13. Beginners, 5:30-6:30 p.m. Intermediates, 6:30-7:30 p.m. $30. Info, 656-1636. Learn the Lindy Hop — the original style o f swing. You can start as late as January 27th and pay $ 8 per class.

health EXPERIENTIAL ANATOMY CLASS: Mondays, January 6 - February 10, 7-9 p.m. Body Music, 164 St. Paul St., Burlington. $60. Info, 860-2814. Susan Borg and Richard Nessen teach practical ways to be healthy and comfortable in your body through sound and movement.

‘LEARNING T O SIT STILL’: Thursdays, 7:30-9:30 p.m. Old Brick Church, Williston. $10. Info, 8794195. Green Mountain Learning Center teaches meditation. Take a pillow or blan ket. Students pay h a lf price. VIPASSANA M EDITATION: Sundays, 10-11 a.m. Burlington Yoga Studio. Free. Info, 658-YOGA. M ED ITATION: First & third Sundays, 10 a.m. - noon. Burlington Shambala Center. Free. Info, 658-6795. Instructors teach non-sectarian and Tibetan Buddhist practices.

tai chi TAI C H I: Tuesdays, 6:30-8 p.m. & 8-9

occupy them at 1 p.m. Mad River Glen, Irasville, 10 a.m. $10. Info, 496-3551.

etc HOLIDAY SKI: An easy three-mile trip on the Davis Neighborhood Trail gets you to Corliss Camp for a rustic potluck. Meet at Grand Union, Johnson, 10 a.m. Free. Register, 893-6663. ALBURG D U N E TRIP: Dedicated this year, Alburg Dunes is Vermont’s newest state park. Be prepared to hike, snowshoe, ski or ice skate. Meet at UVM Visitor Parking, Burlington, 10 a.m. Free. Register, 899-4708.

p.m. Food For Thought, Stowe. $10. Info, 253 4733. John DiCarlo leads ongoing classes.

P e a c e & J u s t ic e S t o r e K W A N Z A A B E G IN S D E C . 2 6

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BUILD A W IN D S O R CHAIR: January 20 - February 19, evenings. The Wood School, Buriingtoa. Info, 864-4454. Learn chairmaking skills while building your own fanback Windsor chair. Timothy Clark, cabinet maker and chairwright, teaches. DAYTIME BEG IN N IN G W O O D W O R K IN G : Thursdays, January 23 April 24, 2:30-4 p.m. T he Wood School, Burlington. Info, 864-4454. Learn woodworking skills at a nice, easy pace. The focus is on hand tools. TEEN W O O D W O R K IN G : Thursdays, January 23 - April 24, 45:30 p.m. The Wood School, Burlington. Info, 864-4454. Girls and boys over 12 learn hand-tool skills while making a high Windsor stool

O PEN REHEARSAL: See December 23.

kids ‘HISTORY CLUBHOUSE’: See December 23. T H E BEAR FACTS’: Families learn about black bear ecology at the Vermont Institute of Natural Science, Woodstock, 7:30-8:30 p.m. $3/7. Register, 457-2779.

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writing W RITERS W O R K SH O P: Tuesdays, 7 p.m. Cafe No No, Burlington. Free. Info, 865-5066. Take a journal and your writing spirit.

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There’s more to s p e e d s k a t i n g

o matter what your gender, any free associa tion with the word “speedskating” ends with the word “thighs.” Usually, it goes like this: speed skating, Olympics, Dan Jansen, thighs, heartbreak, big thighs, gold medal, GOING really big thighs. But for the members of the Green Mountain Speedskating Club (GMSC), there’s plenty of better reasons to whirl around a frosty arena than the sight of a hot skater in Lycra. “The attraction for me,” says GMSC President Mary O ’Donnell, “is that it’s an indi vidual sport, but it’s done with this really great group of peo ple, just for the love of the sport.” Attend any one of the club’s mid-day workouts and it’s easy to see what O ’Donnell is talking about.

IN CIRCLES Speedskaters practice at Leddy Park. A dozen adult skaters from as far away as Rutland have made time in busy schedules to “go fast, turn left,” as nine-time National Champion Joe Franz puts it. While the level of ath leticism at Burlington’s Leddy Ice Arena is fairly high, not everyone is going counter clockwise around the rink with the same speed or grace. Charlotte Tyler, for instance, moves somewhat tentatively near the sideboards as Franz accelerates around the inside of

the track. Tyler, who grew up speed skating in Wollman Rink in Central Park — and is just now rediscovering the sport after a long absence — doesn’t seem intimidated. She also gets noth ing but encouragement from the other skaters. “Why always ski and snow board?” she asks after coming off the ice with slightly sore feet. “There must be something else. Besides, it’s cheaper.” True, but she’s not using the

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to worry about grow ing out of his equip ment is 89-year-old Eddie Mercier. A member of the GMSC since its inception more than 10 years ago, Mercier skated in the 1932 Olympic Trials and still trains when ever he gets the chance. The club, he says, was founded to help fill a void in New England speedskating by creating struc ture and support for skaters interested in organized compe tition. It still serves that function, O ’Donnell says, but she and the other speedskaters seem equally interested in spreading its feel-good gospel. The sport is enjoying steady growth in Vermont and across the coun try, especially in places like Jansen’s hometown of Milwaukee, but the sum total C ontinued on page 18

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$600 kangaroohide booties with 17-inch blades like those worn by Franz and other more expe rienced GMSC members. The relatively high cost of good skates is seen as a barrier to increasing participation, espe cially among youth. As one 50year-old skater points out, “the most expensive thing is your skates, but then again, I don’t have to worry about my feet growing.” One guy who doesn’t have

than big thighs

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around the next turn, as in-line skaters discover the joys and benefits of gliding on ice. GMSC member Debby Scipione is one such convert. Although well past the age where one makes a run at international competition — or typically even tries a new sport — Scipione took up speedskating two years ago in order to become a faster in-line racer. “I got into it through Roilerblading,” she says. “Speedskating is a lot more

in small increments.” Just as the longest journey C ontinued from page 17 begins with a single step, the of all competitive U.S. speedefforts of the Green Mountain skaters is approximately equal Speedskating Club are begin to the size of one healthy club ning to gather momentum. In in Holland. addition to supporting the likes More people in this coun of Franz and Don Gallegos, try should try the sport, Franz another national speedskating says, taking a rest after break champion who trains with the ing the local 30 m.p.h. speed GMSC, the club provides limit and angling turns so steep coaching, valuable ice time and that his inside hand occasional an opportunity for people of all ly touches the ice. levels to fry speedskating. “Speedskating is the best life A big stride in the right time sport,” he direction, say club says with a grin. members, was the “It keeps the legs recent addition of strong, has no a 250-meter ice adverse effects on oval at the any body parts, “Speedskating is the best lifetime Catamount Family and its a great Center. In addi cross-training sport: It keeps the legs strong, has tion to being a sport.” Franz prime outdoor points to the pep no adverse affects on any body training site for left in Merciers the GMSC, parts, an d it's a great cross-training “Catamounts legs and the suc cessful transition been a gateway to sport. ” getting of speedskaters to people competitive interested,” Joe Franz, speedskater cycling as evi O ’Donnell says. dence to support “Right now his claims. the clubs compo Like cycling, sition is mostly speedskating has masters (35 years an event to match nearly every technical, so it’s really helpful old and up), because that’s personality and body type, he for in-lining.” who’s doing it, but were totally says. Its also one of the easiest The technical side o f gener- open to anyone of any age,” routes to making the Olympics ating speed while maintaining says O ’Donnell. “Once you because few competitors are efficiency of motion — even start doing it, it’s sort of willing to make make the the necessary necessary ling to more than t^e lung-busting, ‘hooked on speedskating.’” □ commitment nm itm ent of moving near thigh-building physical side — e of the major U.S. training js w|lat provides a lifetime of For mr""’ centers — Milwaukee and challenge, sp e ed sk a ® ------------------ v Lake Placid. But, Franz sug kind of a Zen thing you do Mountain Speedskating Club at gests, big changes in U.S. over and over again,” says 434-3556. speedskating may be just Mary O ’Donnell, “improving

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VERMONT SEVEN DAYS

december

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1996

A m usical reading O. Henry fa lls fla t By P. F in n McManamv eading O. Henry was how we all learned about irony. Remember how those little stories beckoned from beyond his green door, grabbed us with their deft characterizations and then ended wryly, with a lastminute twist of fate? Remember the reformed safecracker who had to risk giving away his iden tity and losing the gal of his dreams? The abduction of little Red Chief, so horrid a child the kidnappers pay a ransom to give him badd My tortured 12-year-old self

squiggly audience members. It’s based on what is perhaps the best loved of O. Henry’s turn-of-thecentury tales of love and best intentions gone awry. For adults, the play may bring back memories of hearing or reading the story for the first time. Appropriate for the mixed messages that Christmas brings, even the title suggests an earlier, deeper irony — that of the Three Kings’ trek to the new born Christ, bringing odd gifts: gold, a fine offering for a king but less useful to a ragged infant surrounded by livestock; and frankincense and myrrh, tradi-

production takes this story and focus es on the twin themes of cheer amidst poverty and the love of a young couple. Yet even when stretched as far as it can go, with operetta trills and reprised duets, and even when set against a gorgeous scrim lit with gas lamps and stars, this is a slight piece. Whereas O. Henry could be as sappy as a Norman Rockwell cover, his tales had a way of glancing lightly and ending on a note of surprise. The actors in the play, Abigail Bailey and Mark Irish, do their best with their three-note characteriza-

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wept over “The Last Leaf” as I recovered from strep throat, sip tionally used to anoint the bod ping tea and honey and imagin ies of the dead. O. Henry didn’t put the ing my own martyrdom. That irony and poignance there; it one’s the over-the-top tale where was there all along. the consumptive waif recovers, The story concerns Jim and inspired by the survival of the Della, a young poor couple in a ivy outside her window — and basement flat in New York City. the friend who secretly painted Each longs to give the other a the leaf on the wall dies of present for Christmas. Each has exposure. only one thing of value: Jim, a With O. Henry, the irony pocket watch, which he must gives even the sorrowful stories carry on an old leather strap; a little shiver of delight. And the Della has long, beautiful hair. funny ones have a bottom note With the inextricable grinding of sadness: No one ever gets of fate, Della sells her hair to exactly what they’d hoped for. buy Jim a chain and fob for his Vermont Stage Company’s watch, and The Gift o f Jim, alas, the Magi, The Gi f t of the Magi, pawns the adapted and adapted by Peter Ekstrom watch to set to music from 0. Henry, directed purchase by Peter by Ronald Bashford. tortoise Ekstrom, is Vermont Stage Company, shell combs perfectly Royall Tyler Theatre, for Della’s timed for University of Vermont, locks. the holi Burlington. December 23, Ver days, and is 26-28, 7 p.m.; December mont Stage a perfect 29, 2 p.m. Company’s length for

1996

tions. The range — earnest, ingenuous and briefly distressed — becomes labored. There is nowhere for this small play to go. Two characters and a piano player stuck in a basement cold-water flat are forced to alternate dialogue with songs, mostly about noth ing: I love you, I love my watch, I love my hair, it is a fine watch, and tomorrow is Christmas (plus reprise). This is about the gist of it. Getting dressed for the day takes the first quarter-hour of the production, and lyrics like “All I want to do, my dear, is touch you there and touch you here” may seem risque, with Jim in his red long-johns. But it’s just a tickle fight, which the kids in the audience enjoyed; they know a good tickle fight. It’s followed by a completely trite song about what material goods each would buy if they were rich, called “If We Had C ontinued on page 22

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CO L LABO RAT IONS, collaborative non-objective paintings by mother-daughter artists Abigail Foulk and Nora Wasserman, and O IL LANDSCAPES by Pamela Betts. Green M ountain Power, South Burlington, 864-1557. Through January. DURER TO MATISSE, Master Drawings from the Nelson-Atkins Museum. Hood Museum of Art, Dartmouth College, Hanover, N .H . (603) 6462808. Through March 2. CONTEMPORARY VERMONT BASTARDS,

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CONTEMPORARY^ VERMONT MASTERS exhibit ofVermont a n t e . Seven local artists contribute one work each to benefit the gallery. Firehouse Gallery, Burlington, 865-7165. Through December. PAINTINGS AND DRAWINGS by Elise Burrows. Daily Planet, Burlington, 862-9647. Through December. CHACO RUINS, images o f new Mexico III, oil paintings by Helen Maffei Bongiovanni. Coyote Cafe, Burlington, 426-3273. Ongoing. HOLIDAY E X H IB IT of mixed media works by Vermont artists. Furchgott Sourdiffe Gallery,. Shelburne, 985-3848. Through December. THE CURATORS ’ SHOW, featuring work by 11 local curators of Caravan Arts, City Market, Burlington, 660-9060. Through January 3. WORKS IN VARIETY, watercolors by Dorothy Martinez. Metropolitan Gallery, Burlington^ 878-1761. Through December. S T E E L E STREET GALLERY, mixed media works by James Kochalka, Gerrit Golner, Leslie Fry, Dug Nap, Eric Aho, Lance Richbourg and others. W ing Building, Burlington Waterfront, 8625007. Through December 24. DECK THE HALLS:

16TH ANNUAL F E S T IV A L OF THE CHRISTMAS TR EES .

Also, COMMUNITY ART SHOW . Helen Day Art Center, Stowe, 253-8358. Through January 5. MASTERFUL MUGS, group exhibit by regional potters. Vermont Clay Studio, Montpelier, 2234220. Through December. A JOURNEY THROUGH S PA I N, photographs, paintings and poems by P.R. Smith. Pickering Room, Fletcher Free Library, Burlington, 863-3403. Through December. ALL CREATURES GREAT AND SMALL, annual holiday exhibit of sculptures and prints by Stephen Huneck. Stephen Huneck Gallery, Woodstock, 457-3290. Through January 15. ANCESTRAL HABITAT: WORKS ON PAPER AND CANVAS AND ASSEMBLAGES, an Small. Flynn Gallery,

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SEVEN DAYS

december

23,

1996

C ontinued from page 1 6 senger side, taking off her heels and tiptoeing down the embankment. She could have been his daughter, or his wife. I didn’t ask, or care. “Well, would you look at him!” “Shirley, get bring me my crowbar, and call the police on the cell phone!” She ran back up, as commanded. He looked over at me again. “Your mouth is bleeding.” “I know.” “Don’t worry son. Jesus is with you. We’ll get you out,” he said, turning around. Shirley had made it back, and handed him the crowbar. She ran back up to call the cops. “So where are you from?” he said, engaging me in light conversation while he tried to pry the door open. I felt like he was a nurse at the dentist’s office, my mouth open. “New Jersey.” “Oh? You’ve got West Virginia plates.” “Yeah, I work in Wheeling.” “Oh? W hat do you do?” he said, finally cracking the door open with a start. It fell into the wet earth like shrapnel. Cold air shot in. Before I could answer his question, he was poking his hand into the car. He snapped off my seat belt. “My neck hurts.” “Is that all?” I was pretty numb all oveiC “I think so.” “Shirley, help me get him out!” She stepped down and hunched by his side. He grabbed my legs and motioned for her to stabilize my neck. He slowly pulled me from the wreck of my vehicle as she guided my upper torso. I col lapsed on the ground, feeling my body become cold with soaking rainwater and mud. I looked over at my car. The back end was crushed. “Take his hand,” he told Shirley, and they helped me up. I stumbled a little before righting myself and limping with them toward their truck. “Lie down here on the seat.” “No, I think I’m okay sit ting,” I said, stepping into the passengers side and feeling my body slump down. He walked around and got in the odier side, and Shirley remained out side. It was silent for about a minute, and I treasured the quiet. My m ind had gone blank, and I listened again with cold disinterest to the cars passi"g

quiet again. ' * “Could I use your phone?” “Certainly,” he said, hand ing me the clunky receiver and giving me a dial tone, stepping out to give me some privacy I dialed the familiar num ber, and Mom picked up. “Honey, we’re worried sick about you! Why aren’t you here yet?” “Mom, I — ” “Were waiting to light the candles. Why are you always late?” “Mom — ” “Your father is worried sick! You should have left earlier. I told you — ” “Listen to me!” I barked. I felt a rush of blood to my head. “I’ve been in a car acci dent. I’m okay, but I’ll proba bly have to go to the emer gency room for a mild concus-

believe in

saidy still looking straight ahead. A strange question

He took another drag, and exhaled. You should.

home. I’m BHBL sorry.” There was a stony silence on the other end, and I could

M te h I ^^ I could see the man and Shirley outside, and I opened the door and walked around to join them. The highway was quiet, and the moon was full. He was puffing at a cigarette, leaning against the car and staring straight ahead to the opposite lane. “You were real lucky, son,” he said, without turning to look at me. 1 know. 1 hope i m not keeping you from something.” He just stood tall against the truck, taking another puff. “No, just going down the road.” I could see smoke and steam coming from his mouth with every word. The road was shiny with rainwater, and I could see skidmarks where the car had tried to brake before slamming into me. A rig rushed by, and I shivered. I noticed that I had no coat on, but I didn’t feel like going back to my car to fish it out. I looked over to the man. His face was wrinkled, and I could sense from his steely expression that he had once seen a war somewhere. I could not tell what he was thinking, nor why he had bothered to stop and help a stranger like me. “Do you believe in God, son?” he said, still looking straight ahead. A strange ques tion. “No, sir.” He took another drag, and exhaled. “You should.” He dropped the cigarette, crushing it with his shoe. We stood there in silence for a few more moments, and I felt my aching neck go numb in the cold body compress of the Qight. “You smoke?” he said, breaking the silence. He pulled two Salems from his shirt pocket. “Shirley, you got a light?” She pulled ouc a lighter from l her pocketbook, T'~.B0 and he stuck one of the sticks in his mouth, bend*’•UB ing down to her ■ fire. He handed the other to me, Shirley held out the flame me. It was a welcome source

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SEVEN DAYS

page

astrology

December 2 6 - 1

A R IES

(Mar. 21-Apr. 19): Seismologists were recently intrigued to discover the existence of slowmotion earthquakes. Unlike the fast, powerful jolts of conventional temblors, this pokey variety can take days to unfold and never send plates flying off a single shelf. O f course I wasn’t surprised in the least to learn this news, since for months I’ve been visualizing your year ahead as a kind of slow-motion earthquake. The energy release will be spectacular. The realignment o f forces will be epic. And yet it should all happen with virtually no trauma or damage.

TAURUS (Apr. 20-May 20): I Spredict that you will not commit | suicide in 1997. That probably doesn’t | surprise you. But what you may be | amazed to hear is that I also predict | you will perform at least 50 percent 1fewer self-destructive acts in the year j ahead than you’ve averaged in the past. Your diminished tendency to undermine your own good works will be so dramatic that you may find yourself again and again having to shoulder the increased responsibility j that comes with success •— and even I that will not lead you to regress to old patterns o f self-sabotage.

G E M I N I (May 21-June 20): Goldfish confined to aquariums and bowls grow a couple inches long. But when they’re placed in more spacious bodies of water, they balloon up to two feet. Why does this happen? I don’t know, bur I predict something analogous will happen to you in 1997, Wide-open spaces (or a bigger stomping ground) are even now beginning to tempt you, and if you ' rMivmd, you too will expand I’m pc

MAGI MOMENT

Continued from page 19 Money.” From Fiddler on the Roofs “If I Were a Rich Man” to Sweet Charity's “IfThey Could See Me Now” to Guys and Dolls’ “More I Cannot Wish You,” it’s been done — and done far more memorably in musical history. “Cooking and washing will be done by a maid/Wake up in the morning and be undis mayed.” Rhymes like this we can live without. Then Jim sings about his watch and goes to work. Della counts out the pennies she’s saved — not enough. She sings about how she loves her hair. She sings about how Jim loves her hair. How she promised to wear it long on Christmas. Then she goes to sell it. There’s no suspense — we know that’s where she’s going. But there is a crescendo of music as if she’s fleeing the Cossacks or selling her first-born. She comes home with a bad haircut. Jim returns, and in the only workable song of the evening, sings an unremitting, agonized litany, the whole of which is, “Your hair is gone.” In a simul taneous rapid-fire descant, Della reacts, explains, apolo gizes, and wonders if he’ll still love her. It’s wonderful and funny. Then, alas, it ends and they exchange gifts. They panic. He has bought her beautiful combs. She has

page

BY ROB BREZSNY**

pounds of fat or add 10 points to your IQ. If it’s the latter, I’ll bet you’ll also double the size of your sense of destiny.

CANCER

(June 21-July 22): Events in the year ahead will invite you to become a connoisseur of recycling. And I’m not just talking about your work with old cans and bottles and newspapers. Slightly faded inspirations will be good material to work with, as well as still-useful people who’ve lost a little luster. In fact, see if you can squeeze untapped value out of every old shtick and secret that might conceivably be resurrectable. Make your past work for you like never before. Oh, and one more thing: Don’t just recycle — precycle.

LEO

(July 23-Aug. 22): Do I have some great news for you, Leo! But first, let’s dispense with the bad news. If you’re a typical member o f your tribe, you spent 1996 working longer and harder than ever, with more responsibility and no increase in pay. But all .hats going to change in 1997. I promise. Especially if you spend the

o f the o u t vest mifectlv- set up no d the smoother sailing ahead.

VIRGO

Consider what’s looming. The expansive planet Jupiter will be bestowing blessings on your House of Health during all of 1997. Meanwhile, the energizing planet Mars will be making a rare three-month visit to your House of Vitality (mid-March through mid-June). That’s why I decree with renewed vigor that this will be your best chance ever to dissolve chronic health problems.

LIBRA

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The 19th-century poet John Keats said, “If something isn’t beautiful, it’s probably not true.” To the jaded sensibilities of those o f us living at the end of the 20th century, the exact opposite of that statement might seem more valid, as in “If something isn’t ugly, it’s probably dishonest.” (And in fact just today I communed with over 70 hideous truths in my daily newspaper.) Nevertheless, I have a strong intuition that Keats’ formulation should be one o f your guiding epigrams throughout 1997._ Perhaps you . .. yourself , r will be an overflowmg wellsptmg o f gotgeou, truths>

'* would' l'r"

*>•*«' M

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22): More than ever, I’m convinced that the prophecy 1 made for you Virgos last August is on schedule. Back then 1 noted that while your tribe is famous for its exotic maladies, the day is

but not exactly brimming with delectabihty. Potential timers ave <» 50 mucb becau“ j™ ve P“ !l° M ,e '“ W buI because you ve been beartyand «onom.cai Mi that should change.

graduate forever from that reputation.

m° K likc a ripe tomato, called on to serve as an essential ingredient m a

’

bought him a watch chain and fob. In a show of good sports manship, they put them aside until a time when they can use them. They agree that love is grand, sing the finale, and refuse to end the play. They stroll around again, singing. It’s all nice but so very dull. The biggest loss is the loss of that crucial irony. It’s smothered by all the cheer. Just as 12 might be the per fect age for reading O. Henry, kids are probably the perfect audience for this play, for who better revels in sentiment; who better has impossibly high hopes beset by cold reality? But another irony has to do with the passage of 90 years. There was not much suspense for adults watching the play, though they understood the references. Young people who might get a kick out of the parallel twists of circumstance were kept busy untangling confusing references: W hat’s a watch fob? Why’d she cut her hair? W hy’d she sell it? You can sell hair? W hy do you put combs in your hair? W hat’s tortoise-shell? The Gift o f the Magi is pleasant and brief, and the children in the audience seemed happy with the sprightly singing and goodnatured affection of the charac ters. But I found myself miss ing O. Henry. His gifts were left under some other tree. □

though, m 1997.1 prcdtct yotfli be

wide variety of tasty recipes.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): I’ll be tempted to refer to you as the Pollinator in 1997. You’ll enhance your alignment with cosmic luck whenever you act like the insects that carry pollen from flower to flower. Just as bees and butterflies invigorate plant life by propagating genetic diversity, you should foster the fertility of your circle by spreading around useful information and sparking new connections among people who’d benefit from knowing each other. By the end of the year, I hope I’ll be able to describe you with the same words Stephen Buchman and Gary Paul Nabhan use to praise pollinating insects in their book, The Forgotten Pollinatorv. “The fruits are juicier, the seeds are fuller, and the diversity on our plates is much richer because of them. ” CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “Dear Diary: Well, everything changed in 1996. I mean everything. Most years sweep away a few o f my certainties, but this one got every last one. Why, then, am I still standing proud? Why am I not huddled in a corner jabbering in baby talk to the spiders? I can't help but wonder if I went numb and am oise. There is, I guess, a possibility that all the commotion in the early 1990s gave me so much ballast that I’U never be able to get totally knocked on my ass again. Now that’s a fun thought.”

passing away. And I mean very briefly, so we can put it behind us and move on to rosier explorations. I’m afraid that on too many fronts, my friend, you were dissatisfied with your life in 1996 but afraid to change it. You knew you needed a revolution but weren’t confident enough or strong enough or well-informed enough to hurl more than the first volley. That’s the bad news. The good news is that I predict your mousy waffling will soon be distant history. Would it be OK with you if l call you “Lionheart” during the next 12 months?

PISCES (Feb. 19-Mar. 20): While Saturn was poking along in Pisces between February 1994 and April 1996, you had to slog through an impossible amount o f ancient karma, much of which probably defied resolution. Nineteen ninety-seven will, in contrast, ask you to wade through a tolerable amount of old karma that will practically resolve itself. The coming year’s stuff will also be far more interesting and far less cryptic than the last load. And you may be amazed at how every little loose end you tie up will liberate profound new possibilitites in your intimate relationships. □ You c a n c a l l R o b B r e z s n y , d a y o r n ig h t fo r y o u r

expanded w e e k ly h o ro s c o p e 1 -9 0 0 -2 8 8 -9 0 2 0 $ 1 .9 9 p e r m in u te . 1 8 a n d o v e r. T o u c h to n e p h o n e . U p d a t e d T u e sd a y n ig h t.

AQUARIUS

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Let’s briefly review the year that’s

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SEVEN DAYS

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december

23,

1996

THE HOYTS CINEMAS

FILM QUIZ

Review BEAY1& AND BUTT-HEAD DO ‘ 'Before there was Dumb and Dumber, before there was Tommy Boy, before there was either Billy Madison or Happy Gilmore, there were Beavis and Butt-Head. From their outpost late at night on MTV, the two pubescent metalheads slumped in front o f their cartoon T V muttering wisecracks about the music videos (this sucks), squab bling over the last nacho {dillhole!), fantasiz ing about making actual contact with a female o f the species (come to Butt-Head) and in general paving the way for The Age o f the Imbecile. metalheads finally make it to the big screen. So what kept them? Creator Mike Judge, not an imbecile, naturally attempted to get his increasingly popular morons a movie deal years ago, but the powers that be in Hollywood — many o f whom are imbeciles — simply didn’t get it. At one point, David Geffen, who had acquired the rights, insisted that the only way he’d let Beavis and Butt-Head any where near a big screen would be as a liv e action production. H e even had real-life counterparts all __ _ picked out: Adam Sandler and David Spade. W hat a butt munch. I^ ^ M After years o f delay, miles o f red tape and, eventually, lots o f handwringing as to whether or not the pair’s popularity had already peaked and its audience was no longer there, Judge, with a little help from Paramount, finally has his film. And, if the opening weekend’s turnout is any indication, reports o f the phenomenons demise were greatly exaggerated. Birth o f a Nation this isn’t, it goes without saying, but Beavis and Butt-Head Do America is an often f surreal, snappily paced, merrily moronic celebration o f potty humor. The story concerns the theft o f the duo’s television and a subsequent cross-country odyssey, during which their paths cross everyone’s, from agents o f the ATF, a couple o f contract killers, a nefarious seductress who sounds suspiciously like D em i Moore, and the President o f the United States. It’s a cleverly amplified version o f the television show. The score {he said score, heh heh heh) is wall-to-wall with top-of-the-iine M T V alumni, the choice o f guest voices (Robert Stack as the head ATF agent) is reasonably savvy and, while none o f the comic bits are exactly classics, many do a pretty fair job o f parodying ones that are — the Blazing Saddles camp fire scene, for example. If you’re a fan, you’ll no doubt think the boys’ big-screen debut rules. If you are not already a devotee, well, the chilling sight o f Beavis’ mooned butt filling a 40-foot screen probably w ont turn you around. Dillhole.

LIGHTS, CAMERA, CRETINS

FILM FEATURES Time (or one of the most popular versions of our quiz - in which we test your powers of reconstructive thinking with an assortment of famous features, for which we need the owneis' famous names.

a _____________

o _____________

MICHAEL John Travolta wings it as the second celluloid angel o f the season in Nora Sleepless in Seattle Ephrons latest. The heavenly emissary eats, drinks and makes like Cupid for reporter William Hurt and angel expert Andie MacDowell. a STAR Shirley Maclaine and Jack Nicholson are reteamed briefly in this sequel to 1983’s Terms o f Endearment Set 15 years later, the film chronicles the further adventures o f Maclaine’s character and features Juliette Lewis, Marion Ross, Miranda Richardson and Bill Paxton as Grandma n .............new main squeeze. © 1996 Rick Kisonak

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MARS ATTACKS ! * * 1/2 H alf the Earths population seems to make an appearance in Tim Burtons campy space invader saga. Jack Nicholson and Glenn Close play the President and First Lady. Everyone from Martin Short, Pierce Brosnan and Michael J. Fox to Rod Steiger, Danny D eVito and Tom Jones get in on the computer-animated action. f ONE FLU E DAY (HR) George Clooney arid Michelle Pfeiffer ire teamed in this romantic comedy about single parents who meet as a result o f a school trip. Michael Hoffman directs. OERRY MAGUI RE**** From writer-director Cameron {Say Anything, Singles) Crowe comes the story o f a top sports agent whose career suddenly bottoms out. Featuring Cuba Gooding Jr., Kelly Preston and Renee Zellweger and starring Tom Cruise in his first romantic comedy since 1983 s Risky Business. THE ENGLISH PATIENT*** Based on the Booker Prize-winning novel by Michael Ondaatje, director Anthony Minghellas critically acclaimed new film pairs the lately underused Ralph Fiennes with Damages Juliette Binoche in the story o f a wounded pilot who relives an old love affair while bedridden in the Italian countryside during World War II. SCREAM (NR) Drew Barrymore, Neve Campbell and Courtney Cox star in the latest from the increas ingly conceptual Wes Craven, the story o f a sociopath who targets two nubile horror movie fans and, imitating the conventions o f the genre, turns their lives into no-exit nightmares. MY FELLOW AMERICANS (NR) Something tells me Americans may have had enough presidential ‘comedy to hold them for awhile, but Jack Lemmon, James Garner and Dan Aykroyd are hoping other wise. Lemmon and Gamer play ex-leaders o f the free world; Aykroyds the incumbent, a slithery figure who frames the two in a scandal. Peter Segal directs. DAY EIGHT (NR) Sylvester Stallones new $80 million effects fest about an emergency medical ser vices expert who rescues commuters trapped in a collapsed underground tunnel may have an unusually happy ending: The actor has promised it will be his last action film. THE PREACHER’ S

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SHCWTIMCS Films run Friday, December 27 through Thursday, January 3. ETHAN ALLEN CINEMAS 4 North Avenue, Burlington, 863-6040. Romeo & Juliet 12, 2:45, 6:40, 9:25. D3: Mighty Ducks 12:10, 3, 7, 9:35. Sleepers 2:30, 6:30, 9:15. Fly Away Home 12:25, 3:10. Hunchback of Notre Dame 12:35. First Wives Club 7:05, 9:40. All shows daily.

CINEMA NI NE Shelburne Road, S. Burlington, 864-5610 Michael* 11:15, 1:55, 4:20, 7, 10. Evening Star* 12, 3:45, 6:35, 9:40. Beavis & ButtHead 11:45, 1:40, 4, 7:15, 10:10. Jerry Maguire 12:10, 3:30, 6:45, 9:35. One Fine Day 11:20, 1:45, 4:10, 7:05, 9:45. Daylight 4:45. My Fellow Americans 11:05, 1:30, 7:10, 9:55. Preacher’s Wife 12:20, 3:40, 6:50, 9:50. 101 Dalmations 11:10, 1:50, 4:25, 7, 9:30. Star Trek: First Contact 12:35, 3:35, 6:50, 9:40.

MILLE BOLLE B IU *

december

23,

1996

SHOWCASE CINEMAS 5 Williston Road, S. Burlington, 863-4494. Michael* 12:15, 2:20, 4:10, 7, 9:30. Beavis & Butt-Head 12:25, 2:10, 4, 7:20, 9:25. Scream 12:05, 2:15, 7:10, 9:40. Preachers Wife 12:40, 3:20, 6:50, 9:20. Daylight 4:20. 101 Dalmations 1, 3:50, 6:40, 9:10. All shows daily. NICKELODEON CINEMAS College Street, Burlington, 863-9515. Space Jam 1:10. One Fine Day 12:10, 2:30, 4:50, 7:30, 9:50. My Fellow Americans 12, 2:50, 5:10, 7:45, 10. Jingle All the Way 3:50. Jerry Maguire 12:30, 3:30, 6:45, 9:40. Mars Attacks! 11:45, 2:10, 4:35, 7, 9:20. Ransom 7:15, 10. English Patient 12:50, 4:10, 8. All shows daily.

73 »— i O

7 ^

THE SAVOY Main Street, Montpelier, 229-0509. the English Patient 12/26-1/5: 1, 4, 7. Mon.Thu. 1/6-1/16: 7 only. 1/11-1/12: 2, 7. * Starts Friday. Movie times subject to change. Please call the theater to confirm.

SEVEN DAYS

page

Classifieds real estate FOR SALE: BEAUTIFUL CABIN-LIKE home in foothills of Santa Ana, CA. Wide-plank floors, loft, swimming pool w/ real rock, knotting-pine attic, huge fireplace. Wooded acreage. Available in one year. $1,000,000. Call 714-5739835, ask for Janice. NORTH POLE: Beautiful old house w/ barn and workshop. Tastefully landscaped (candy cane trees & sugar plum bushes). Lots of reindeer and hired help included (elderly couple retiring to condo in warmer climate and can’t take with them). Call Nick, 864-5684 and make offer. GOV’T FORECLOSED HOMES FOR pennies on $1. Delinquent tax, repo’s, REO’s. Your area. Tollfree, 1-800-898-9778, ext. H-6908 for current listings.

apartment for rent BURLINGTON: Pleasant, 1 bdrm., heated, 2nd floor, nice back yard, parking, very convenient, 1388 North Ave. $475/mo., heat + water inch 988-4040 or 863-3345.

housemates BURLINGTON: Prof, wanted to share house in New No. End. Near bike path, quiet neighborhood, W/D. $325/mo. + 1/3 utils. 8636883. BURLINGTON: Room available in nice house near UVM. Open Jan. 1 - May 31. $271/mo. + 1/5 utils. Call 862-3041 or (617)8993696. BURLINGTON: Share sunny 2 bdrm. w/ quiet, NS grad student. Parking, W /D, great Russell St. location. $325 + utils. 658-1267. BURLINGTON: Responsible, NS F wanted for 3 bdrm. home in quiet, Howard St. neighborhood. Great living space, big yard, W/D, porch. $275/mo. + 1/3 utils. Call 660-2417. BURLINGTON: Share lovely, big 4 bdrm. home at Maple + Church with 3 fun, caution-to-the-windthrowing twentysomething house mates and dog. W/D, deck, lots of amenities. $305/mo. 864-2070. BURLINGTON: Quiet, NS pro fessional to share lakefront condo. Privacy, pool, deck, tennis, laundry, garage & bike path. No pets, rent/lease negotiable. Call 8637945 (w) or 864-2981 (h). Please leave message. BURLINGTON: Quiet, consider ate, NS prof, to share house on lake until June 1. Private bath & entrance, share kitchen, no pets. $350 + 1/2 utils. Peggy, 865-2317. BURLINGTON: Responsible, third roommate wanted for spa

cious, 3 bdrm. apartment in So. End. Near 1-89, off street parking. $245/mo. + 1/3 utils. Avail, imme diately. Alex or Kevin, 660-1962. SO. BURLINGTON: 2 bdrm. townhouse to share with stable Gay/Bi friendly male. W /D, dish washer, parking. NS, ND, no pets. $350. Leave message at 658-8394. SO. BURLINGTON: Friendly, responsible F, prof./grad/med stu dent to share condo/flat w/ cat & me. $400/mo. + deposit, includes heat, elec., cable. 862-3775.

buy this stuff CUSTOMIZED SLEIGH. Red, aerodynamic with all the options. High miles (over 1 million), no rust, new runners, great condition; only used once a year by little old man. Lots of trunk room. Will throw in a couple of reindeer and an elf or two. Call Nick, 864-5684 and make offer. HOLIDAY GIFTS: SKIS - Kneissl Pro w/ Marker bindings, 190cm; Kastle w/ Soloman bindings, 203cm; ski bag; Morrow snow board. Kramer beginner electric guitar w/ gig bag. 20 gal. aquarium w/ all. Prices negotiable. Call 8626870. POTTER’S WHEEL: electric, 2spd. Works just fine. $200, o.b.o. Call Dan, 862-8662, leave message.

SNOWBOARDS IFOR SALE; 159 cm Ride limited edition w/ bindings - $200. 151 cm Rossignol Cob - $100. Call 660-8947. REMEMBER IN F IN ITY IM PO RTS Well, now you can get the same stuff, only cheaper. Sweet rings & other sterling silver jewelery, funky masks, wood carvings, hand-made batik wall hangings & more! Please call David, 658-4397. BREW YOUR OWN BEER! Homemade wine and soft drinks, too. With equipment, recipes, and friendly advice from Vermont Homebrew Supply. At our location next to the Beverage Warehouse, E. Allen Street, Winooski. 655-2070. THOUSANDS OF TICKLE ME ELMOS FOR SALE. If you believe that, we’ve also got a few bridges to sell you. Call 864-5684.

cleaning/housekeeping TRANSFORM YOUR DUSTY castle into a glimmering palace. Call Diane H., Housekeeper to the Stars! Pay the price, get the results 658-7458.

automotive

carpool connection

SAAB 900S 1986: 4dr., 5 sp., sun roof, PW, new Nokia NRWs, high mileage, but good condition. $1950. Call 253-9391, evenings. ‘94 NISSAN SENTRA, 40K MILES, 5 spd., fine condition, ruby red, gray interior, $7,500 firm. 482-3424. SEIZED CARS FROM $175. Porsches, Cadillacs, Chevys, BMW’s, Corvettes, Jeeps, 4W D’s. Your area. Toll-free, 1-800-8989778 x A-6908 for current listings.

M A N ’S B EST FRIEND - fantastic collection of contemporary folk songs about dogs. “Stellar perfor mances,” says Seven Days. Great gift. Tape: $12.95, CD: $17.95 (inch tax & ship). (802) 253-2011 or 800-893-4978.

help wanted WE’RE LOSING A VALUED member of our cafe team. She’s intelligent, loyal, hard-working, mature, friendly. In other words, “over qualified.” She works 30-35 hours a week (no nights or wknds). Position begins Jan. 2. Call now, beat the rush. Beverly at 862-5515. BUSY BURLINGTON CHIRO PRACTIC CLINIC seeks detailoriented office assistant w/ comput er skills. Send cover letter & resume to 217 S. Union St., Burlington, VT 05401. No phone calls, please.

ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE... SEVEN DAYS needs an aslu le ad safes representative for M ontpelier area, Experience helpful, dedication & are required. Part-tim e w/ ire. Send resum e and cover le tte r to P.0. Box 1164, B urlington, V I 6 5 4 0 2 . No phone calls,

CUSTOMER SERVICE MANAG ER: Immediate opening for cre ative, motivated team player in growing natural food company. Positive attitude, love of customers and computer skills needed. Be first in line and make a great career move. Fax resume to 863-2812 or call 863-7945.

BURLINGTON to SO. BURL. I know it seems a short distance, ; but wftbJhy work hours of 1 glj|p.in,f7a.m. I need a ride m V sffi ■ bus doesn’t run. Please call if you can help me out.

ESSEX. 1 need a ride home at ’" 10pm from Essex Jet. to Essex Center. I can take the bus to work, but it doesn't run late enough to get me home. Will pay. (2162) LINCOLN to BURLINGTON. Car repairs are awful! I work 9-5, M-F and need a ride for now until my car is feeling better. In a month I will be able to share dri ving. Please call! (2180) MILTON to UVM. I’m an early bird. Looking to ride with some one who works simolar shift/nearby location. M-F, 7-3. Somewhat flexible. (2181)

UNDERHILL to BURLING TON. Looking to share driving with someone coming from Underhill area.ro downtown Burl. Work hours are from 8:30-5 M-F. Let’s help each other out and carpool! (2177)

RICHMOND. I am looking for ride on the1 on. I wor Can you help me? MILTON to SO. I TON. Kimball Ave. 1 dec is eating up the paycheck! Would love to carpool and leave it home half the time. Let’s ride together. Work 7:30-4. (1943)

COLCHESTER. Lakeshore Dr. is roo crowded! Let’s carpool from Malietts Bay to Hercules Dr. I work approx. 7:30-4:15, M-F. (2138)

HERE'S THE SCOOP. CLASSIFIEDS:

BURLINGTON. Live on Park Street and work at Friendly’s cornet of Wtlltston RdL/Dorset St. Looking for a ride at 5:30 a.m. (will be taking the bus home). Willing to help with gas costs. (2224) ..

COLCHESTER to BURLING TON. I need a ride from Prim and Lakeshore to class Wednesday nights in downtown Burlington. Will pay. (2138)

$5 for 23 words per week. $ 1 8 . 5 0 per month.

* T here will be no bus service on Christmas Day, Wednesday, Dec. 25, 1996 or New Year s Day, Wednesday, Jan. 1, 1997. Bus service ends early on Christmas Eve. The last trips on all CCTA routes will leave the Cherry St. Station at 6:15 p.m. on 12/24/96.

$ 3 0 for 2 months.

COMPLETE CD AND CAS SETTE DESIGN. From concept to FINAL FILM. Creative design, illustration and digital imaging at COMPETITIVE RATES. JIM BURNS, (802) 388-7619.

8 6 4 - 5 6 8 4 for more info

GET ORGANIZED AND GET REAL. Without a kick-butt Press Packet, your Band might as well SUCK. The K House does it for you; well and C H R A P. Call 6588645.

As a lw a y s , dea d line is Monday at 5pm.

music instruction

GUITAR/BASS/VOX SEEK DRUMMER into making original music — loud, quiet and all points in between. Vocals a plus. Committed, professional. Call 6609441 or 865-2576.

1-800-995-0796 ext. 2671

tutor/instruclion

BIG ED’S STUDIO ON WHEELS. On site, multitrack live recording. Low prices/high quality. 802-266-8839.

SPANISH INSTRUCTOR/ TUTOR. VT certified w/ four years classroom & tutoring experi ence. All levels, flexible hours, rea sonable group and individual rates. Call 655-7691 for more info.

HOLIDAY SPECIALS: guitars, amps and accessories for unbeliev ably low prices at Calliope Music, 202 Main St. and Vermont Folk Instruments, 128 Church St. in Burlington.

ESSEX JCT. to ST. ALBANS Can we carpool? I work 8-5:30, can’t leave any earlier. Need tides for a few weeks, but can alternate driving after that. Will pay to start Can meet you in . 5 Winooski/Colchester too. (2163)

WINOOSKI to VERGENNES. Looking to carpool on a daily basis. It’s too much for one per son alone. My hours are 8am 7pm, but it can be flexible. (1985)

ARE YOU IN A BURLINGTONAREA BAND? Be a part of Burlington’s World Wide Web guide to local music. Send your press pack to: BIG HEAVY WORLD, P.O Box 428, Burlington, VT 05402. (A free ~ public service). http://www.bigheavyworld.com/

MUSICIANS - PROMOTIONAL PHOTOS - New Studio. -Special* photo shoot and 10 B&W 8x10 photos w/ band name: $100, many options available. Peter Wolf Photo-Graphics, 802-899-2350/ pawoIf@aol.com.

Home Based - Not M.L.M. 90% Profit - Min. Cap. Req. $1250.00 - Info

Albans. I work 8-4:30 or 5. Alternate driving. (2165)

WILLISTON VILLAGE AREA Kennedy Dr., So. Burl Visually impaired. Will pay for rides to work. 8-5:30 workday. (1113)

KRAMER BEGINNER ELEC TRIC GUITAR. Price negotiable. Call 862-6870.

PLANET REPAIR. Earn solid, residual income assisting distribu tion of wild, organic products. Must be enthusiastic and outgoing. Call 800-576-5294, ad# 133935.

$987.35/ WEEK +

BURLINGTON to ALBANS. 1 am loo. good, dependable downtown or along

B tRRE/BERLIN to BURLING TON. I’m an early bird. Need to be to work on Pine St. by 6:30 a.m. and am out at 3 p.m. Can meet you in Berlin P/R if more convenient than Bane. (2200)

BASS AMP: SWR SM-900, 900 watts RMS! 4 outputs + bridge mono. New condition. Comes w/ sealed road case. $1700 list, $1300 avg. used. Asking $1100, o.b.o. 860-5162 (d), 863-8951 (e).

802-865-9537

a l

(2164)' *•. m

COLCHESTER to BURLING TON. Do you have an empty seat in your car that I could fill? I am looking for a ride M-F to my office on Kimball Ave. My work hours are 9-5. Willing to help with gas money. (2192)

DO YOU PLAY GUITAR, BASS, or drums? Of like to sing? Into dif ferent types of music? Looking for people to play with? Then so are we. Call Gavin, 862-3170.

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BURLINGTON to ESTER. I have a bus line so I need a ri Hercules Dr. f r o m ^ work 7-3:30, will pay! you offer me a seat in I

(2202) ^

STUART SPECTOR BASS. 4 string, bolt-on, brand new, peacock blue, figured maple, built especially for their production manager, hard case. $1800 at Calliope Music. Call 863-4613.

business opp

or to be

DRUMMERS REQUIRED!! Experienced band (3 yrs., 30+ origi nals; vox, guitar, violin, bass, keys/FX) needs to play. If serious, talented, freaky and into Zappa, call Kanad, 864-2776.

Commercial, Small Business & Residential Cleaning

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a service

BURLINGTON to Ride wanted. Need to be at destlf nation 8:30-9a.m. and picked up at 3:30p.m. Willing to assist in gas costs. Can be dropped off at BC/BS office if more convenient,

( y o u ' r e gonna beat t hat where?)

Chittenden & Franklin Counties

V e rm o n t

RECORD YOUR OWN: Tascam 488 Portastudio - record & mix 8 tracks on a standard cassette; like new, $850. Alesis D-4 drum mod ule w/ finger-touch controller, $250. Lots of LPs, mostly classical. Andy, 482-2827.

#1 FASTEST GROWING COM PANY in America now expanding in VT. Call 862-8081.

SOLA CLEANERS

GIFT DELIVERY SERVICE & NAUGHTY/NICE NAME DATA BASE FOR SALE. Owner is retir ing after years in the business. Easy work (only 1 night a year). Unlimited growth potential. Will throw in sleigh and reindeer. Call Mr. Kringle, 864-5684. Make offer.

LOTS OF GOOD STUFF YOU SHOULD BUY: Seymour Duncan Convertible Tube Amp, $300; Boss Overdrive Distortion, $45; Tech 21 XXL Distortion Pedal, $40; Real Tube, $70. 1950’s style box microphone, $40. Stuff it in your stocking. Call 658-5665.

PIANO LESSONS: Contemporary piano. Children and adults wel come, all levels. 10 years teaching experience. Studio located in down town Burl. Julie Sohn, 865-9869.

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GUITAR INSTRUCTION: All styles, any level. Emphasis on devel oping strong technique, thorough musicianship and personal style. Paul Asbell (Unknown Blues Band, Kilimanjaro, Sklar-Grippo, Gordon Stone, etc.). 862-7696. PIANO LESSONS: Teacher with MM in Classical Piano welcomes students of all ages and levels. Studio located in Essex Center. Deborah Nomani, 878-4272.

Call 864.5684 for great rates

HAPPY HOLIDAYS. EAT, DRINK, AND READ SEVEN DAYS CLASSIFIEDS. CALL 8 6 4 - 5 6 8 4

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SEVEN DAYS

december

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1996

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Classifieds IRONW OOD CONSTRUCTION. Conscientious repair and renovations for your home. 658-0305.

UNDER STRESS? Take a health break with Tranquil Connections. Hot tub, shower & massage. Certified Therapist. Sessions: intro $35, reg. $50, extended $65. 654-6860. Please leave a message.

REPAIRS, RENOVATIONS, PAINTING, consultations, decks, windows, doors, sid ing, residential, commercial, insured, refer ences. Chris Hanna, 865-9813.

THERAPUTIC MASSAGE: Swedish Esalen Body Work. Special intro rate. Sliding scale fee available. We make house calls! Karen Ross & Lynn Waller, 863-9828.

personal training

relationships

GET IN SHAPE FOR THE HOLIDAYS! Feel good, look good, and have more ener gy for all those parties. Julie Trottier, per sonal fitness trainer (ACE-Certified), 8782632. Leave name + address for free brochure.

SINGLE VERMONTERS: Dating/ Introduction service. The unique, afford able way to meet people. You choose whom you want to meet. It’s fun, confidential and it works. 802-660-1946.

carpentry/painting BURLINGTON: Weekly womens art/painting group in waterfront studio. All levels welcome. Purpose: ideas, feedback, support, fun. 862-3269.

SPORTS FANS FIND O U T NOW. Up-todate-scores/spreads & much MORE!! LAS VEGAS 5 STAR PICK (3 PER DAY). 1900-255-2600 x789I; $2.99/min. Must be 18 yrs. Serv-U (619) 645-8434.

snow removal PROPERTY PROS. Total property mainte nance, SNOW REMOVAL, painting, landscap ing & light construction. Call the best: 863-0209.

Commissioners.

GIFT CERTIFICATE: Perfect holiday treat. Foot Reflexology. December Special: 1/2 price session for you with purchase of Gift Certificate. Office in Montpelier. 4561983.

Call Today for Details

Adopted 12/10/96; Published 12/23/96; Effective 1/13/97

The following items are hereby enacted by the Public Works Commission as amend ments to Chapter 20, Motor Vehicles and Traffic, of the City of Burlington’s Code of Ordinances:

Material in [brackets] delete. Material underlined add.

Sec. 27. No parking except with resident parking permit.

DON’T PANIC.

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No person shall park any vehicle except with a valid resident parking permit or a valid guest pass and clearly identifiable ser vice or delivery vehicle on any street desig nated as “residential parking.”

(l)-(27) As Written.

(ID

863-4308

Hungerford Terrace, from Bradley to Congress Street.

PAG£

Adopted this 10th day of December, 1996 by the Board of Public Works

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R.R. 2 Box 1985 U n d e r h il l , V T 05489

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802.899-3542

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A nxiety? • inability to feel relaxed ■ nervousness in social situations ■ w orry ■ obsessive thinking

A Collaboration of your personal thoughts and my God-given talents, creatine an original work of art, that will last a lifetirrte.

STRUC TURE YOUR SUCCESS

panic fatigue muscle tension racing heart low self-esteem

Anxiety is highly reduced through brief and effective treatment. A ten w eek highly effective anxiety reduction gro u p is forming for w inter a nd spring Call Juliana O'Brien M.S.W.. M Div for information on individual a n d g ro u p treatm ent

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802- 862-3328

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J u d y E r i c s o n , CMT Carolyn Crfeck/asky y y

644-Q 991

Jofutson. Vermont

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king a lieahhy, non-ahusve KtononaMp may advertise in PERSON TO PERSON. Ad suggestions; age ningie, m sm s,

PERS<^A^ABB8m?IAriONS A = Asian, B = Black, Bi=Bisexual, C = Christian, D = Divorced, F = Female, G = Gay, H = Hispanic, J = Jewish, M = Male, ND = No Drugs, NS = Non-Smoking, NA = No Alcohol, P= Professional, S = Single, W = White, Wi = Widowed.

W O M E N SEEKING M EN N E W T O T H E AREA. NS SPF, 23, looking to meet new people, down to earth, athletic, fun, light-hearted. You are SM, 25+, NS, athletic, nice smile, easy going. 64156 LOVER O F LABS A MUST. SWPF, 31, fit, fun, educated, seeks similar SW PM, 28-38, NS. 64165 “CATW OM AN SEEKING BATMAN.” DWF, 43, tall, blond, enjoys going out or staying home, likes nightlife or quiet times. Montreal a +. Likes wine/dine. NS. 64161 MAKE MY DAY! Attractive SWF, 43, 5’3”, petite, likes rock & roll, dancing, gardening, reading, travel, hiking, the outdoors, animals and adventures. ISO kind, sensitive, honest, open, affectionate S/DW M w/ similar interests for friend ship and whatever may follow. 64159 SWF, LATE 60s, ENJOYS G O IN G for rides, eating out, watching TV, has a sense o f humor, likes dancing, ISO com panionship or more. 64145 SO M E O F MY FAVORITE T H IN G S: jogging in the rain, new polar fleece, chocolate cake, the smell of cedar, flow ers in winter, second looks, animal tracks in snow, old quilts, card games, good mysteries, older peoples eyes, sleeping under the stars, plants, sledding, chil dren’s smiles... SWPF, 28, seeks someone to add to this list (SPM, 27-37). 64146 M ISCHIEF IS MY M O T T O ; REAL NESS my claim. D on’t need hocuspocus, want substance with my flame. Delightful, insightful, a woman you can love. Intelligent, capable, don’t put your self above. Are you classy, curious, car ing? Want more than surface glitz? Then call me, ’cause I’m worth it. We’ll see if it’s a fit. 64140 SEEKING N E W LIFE AT 30. NSDAF, educated, professional, attractive, cul tured. Living in China w/ 4 YO son. Seeking M, 30-40, for love, marriage. Race unim portant. Sincere and serious only. 64176 LOOK, T H IS IS T H E STORY: I AM A 26 YO, funky, professional woman. I like to telemark, drink coffee, play cribbage, cook exotic food, write, travel, lis ten to inspired music and laugh at life’s little ironies. You are: 26-36, SPM, a skier/ “hikey-bikey” sort, evolved, stable, substance-free, funny and difficult to locate. Are you out there? No meshugenahs, please. 64122 LOVELY, PLAYFUL, IN T E LL IG E N T SWPF, 28, new to VT, seeks sensitive (!!) W PM , 30-45, to ski, rollerblade, ride horses, hike, converse, have snowball fights & make romance with. Must be financially secure w/ sense o f humor! Come play w/ me... I dare you! 64121 H O O K E D O N SN O W BO A RD IN G . Educated, beautiful, self-employed SWF, 28, ISO tall, handsome SPM for winter companionship. Brains, passion both pluses. No hippies please. 64126 LIFE IS G O O D ! BUT IT C O U L D BE even better. Blue-eyed SWPNSF, 27, seeks good-looking SW PNSM , 25-32, with a positive attitude, a knack for con versation, a penchant for fun, and a ready smile. Likes: creative, cerebral and plain old silly stuff. 64110

SELF-SUFFICIENT LONER IN A friendly, gregarious way. No leaders, no followers. No chips on shoulder. Love to live, love, learn. Imperfect, but improv ing. Let’s write, talk first. Fall into like, friendship, then... who knows? Life is full o f surprises! Tell me your hopes, plans, dreams. Tell me about YOU! 64112 RECH ERCH E VOYAGEUR TEM ERAIRE, at least 30, interested in world music and dancing, looking with in, opening up and communicating. I am 38, a world traveler and looking for a spiritual connection. I live and believe in an alternative lifestyle and openness of mind. Ecris-moi. 64102

P erso n a l o f t h e W ee k men s e e k i n g men

A CATCH WAITING TO BE CAUGHT! A t t r a c t iv c P G W n ,4 9 , 5 ’ M’ , I6 5 lb s., ISO a n e x p e rie n c e d a n g le r to re e l m e in. I’m fish in g fo r a 0 W I 1 ,3 5 -5 5 , NS, H IV -.

64179 IVrsoiviilofIIic wedswiils (llllIKT fortwoof The Daily Planet

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l5CcntcrStreet Burlington,VT862-9647

ATTRACTIVE, FIT, FUN, FORTYISH, secure man sought for an equal relationship. Ready for a roll down the bike path or a night at the Flynn? Come with me. DWF, 40, one child. 64105 SW F SEEKING SW M (25-33) FOR companionship; likes to dance and party, play pool, watch movies, etc. Have a good sense of humor. 64081 SMART, FUNNY, CYNICAL, C U TE and slender redhead, 24, seeks grown-up boy, 24-35, who appreciates good wine and cold beer; Baryshnikov and baseball; the New York Times and Dilbert; haute cuisine and a mean ’za; and who is tired of the games his friends still play. 64084 W O R K IN G N IG H T SHIFT. Financially & emotionally secure DWF, 44, enjoys fishing, camping, biking, dancing, exercise seeks NS, fit S/DW M , 38-48, w/ similar interests. 64072 AN AD VENTURE IS G O IN G T O H A PPEN. SWPF, NS, 34, ENFP, attrac tive, athletic, educated, curious, passion ate. Enjoys V T ’s wondrous outdoors, arts & music, travel, exploring, good food and having fun. Seeking same; SWM, 30s, fun, kind & caring to enjoy all that V T and friendship have to offer. 64073 43 YO DWNSPF, WARM, AFFEC TIO N A TE, sincere, attractive, honest, athletic, positive, loves to laugh and be held, looking for companion. 64049

M EN SEEKING W O M EN W ILD DANCER SEEKS BEAUTY T O modulate to rhythms of night with... deal here is: a night of social dancing. All you need is — reply — k!!! 64178 NS, SPM , 27, L O O K IN G T O MEET new people, down to earth, athletic, fun, light-hearted. You: SF, 27+, athletic, nice smile, easy-going. 64177

Love... \T U .

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EUROPEAN, 50, N E W T O AREA, DW M , N S/N D , educated professional, enjoys nature, travels, photography, din ing out, laughs, music, gourmet cooking, interesting conversations. Seeking NS, similar woman, 35-45, romantic, active, fit, secure, independent and communica tive, for LTR. Serious only. 64171 LEAN MALE, 36, ISO SLIM T O ZAFTIG, submissive F to explore sensu ous role play, discipline and fantasy fullfillment. Trust, honesty, communication paramount. All limits respected. 64173 I AM A 25 YO M SEARCHING FOR a strong, opinionated, intelligent and beautiful woman inside and out! 64175 M O NTPELIER T O WAITSFIELD: newcomer, 41, almost tall & slim, some what brainy, artsy and outdoorsy, seeks like-minded friend & lover, 25+. 64157 H IPSTER LOOKING FOR HIPCHICK . Gotta dig jazz and classic cars. Must be cool and not smoke cigarettes. Should like sailing and believe everyday is a learning experience. 64163 N U TT Y FRUITCAKE SEEKS CHEESEBALL for fun in the new year. If you’re a SWF, 25-33, who likes to eat, drink and be merry year-round, give this SWM, 31, a jingle. Yule be glad you did. 64162 SERIOUS SKIERS ONLY! NS SWPM, 30, financially secure w/ all hair and teeth intact seeks skiing partner. Are you fit and attractive w/ a good sense of humor? 64158 IN SEARCH O F YOUNG (18+), beau tiful, sexy SF for fun and play. Me: SWM, 23, very attractive, great body, happpy, cool, kind, healthy. Call me! 64164 SW M ACHO MAN LOOK ING FOR SWF, 18-25. Have dinner by candlelight, go to the movies, hug, cuddle, snuggle. 64154 W M , 34, SEEKS WF. M UST BE beau tiful and submissive for house slave. Age not important. 64153 SENSITIVE & ROM ANTIC SWM, 33, outgoing, athletic, down to earth, creative, very good appearance, seeking F, 20-35.64155________________________ SW PM , NS, IRISH, TIRED O F SIN GLES SCENES! Educated, athletic, adventurous, attractive; why single? Seeking stylish, energetic, youthful, humorous, attractive, physical, intellectu al F, 24-30 (isn’t everyone?). 64149 MULDER-LIKE, 33, SEEKS SCULLYlike to investigate VT paranormal, and maybe squeeze in movies and coffee. We’ve got a full case load, let’s go. 64148 L IG H T MY FIRE FOR W IN T E R ’S here! SWM, 34, attractive, fit, into selfsufficient, adventurous lifestyles, nature, music ISO affection, romance, other things worthwhile. 64144 W ILD & ADVENTUROUS, YET sen sible and intelligent. Attractive, well edu cated, fun-loving, 27 YO SWPM seeks attractive, open-minded, 20s SWF for friendship and possibly more. 64139 TV W RITER/PRO D U CER, 38, athlet ic, creative, new in town. Into skiing, travel, foreign film, confident women. Seeking a bright, trim, cute, 28-38, NS who’s emotional baggage size qualifies as “carry-on.” 64142 H ED O N IST? SWM, 39 SEEKS younger women with alike interests (ski ing, travel, sex, music, food). Like indoor and outdoor fun. 64143 SPECIAL SJF SO U G H T BY DYNAM IC, attractive, fit, educated, successful, compassionate SJPM, 31, 5’8”. I’m a lawyer for the good guys, into hiking, biking, jazz/blues. I’d like to meet a SJNSF, 21-33, who is warm, relaxed, fit, kind, intelligent, funny, romantic and emotionally secure. 64141 SANE BUT BORED DW M , GENER OUS, 40, 5’10”, 170lbs. (very generous), seeks Juliette Lewis type young lady for mutually beneficial relationship. 64138 DW PM , 35, BROW N HAIR, BLUE eyes, I65lbs., seeks intriguing female company for fun and frolic. Let’s ski what V T has to offer and come home to a friendly fire, sit, chat and follow what destiny has in store. 64134 SW M, NS, 38 TALL, VERY H A N D SO M E w/ athletic build and good sense of humor, loves hiking, skiing, movies, dining, conversation and staying in bed on a rainy day. Looking for that rare combination of beauty, brains, intense passion and integrity. Let’s have lunch and talk. 64120 SW M , LATE 40s, TALL, INTELLEC TUAL, NSPC who loves life in all its forms, art, travel, music and nature. Seeking tender lonely woman. Photo app. 64127_________________________ _ SW M, 32, 6’, 270lbs., LONELY, look ing for companionship and possibly more. Let’s talk. Reply, now. 64123 DEAR SANTA, DW M (33, SMOKER) asks one Christmas wish. Please bring me a petite woman, 24-40, who desires a

11numbers away.

SEVEN DAYS

close, very loving and intimate relation ship. 64131 DW I MALE, 32, ENJOYS WALKING in the moonlight, walking in the rain, walking, walking, walking. Desperately seeking SWF with vehicle. Late model preferred. 64129 NEED SO M EO N E T O SPOIL! SWM, 40; heart o f a wizard; soul o f a poet; mind of a philosopher. Sense of hum or required. 64108 IS T H IS YOU? SWF, 26-40, ready to be pampered and respected in a long-term relationship. I am a professional N S/N D SWM, 40, 5’5”. World citizen and trav eler looking for the special woman to share the wonders of life and make a family. No games. 64101 ABNORMAL GUY LOOK ING FOR an abnormal woman. I’m 31, have a few degrees and teach crazy kids. Outside the asylum I hang out, read, workout and enjoy living. I’m looking for a similar woman. Remember: to be better than the norm, you have to deviate from it. 64109 ROM ANCE, PASSION A N D FUN awaits the right, good natured, attractive, intelligent SF, 25-40, with great sense of humor. DW M , young 43, attractive, professional, seeks friendly dates and pos sible LTR. Call or write. 64117 EVERYTHING BUT T H E GIRL! SWM, 26, ISO SF, 20-36, for soul excursion of romantic diversion. I enjoy SF, the mountains and music of most varieties. You: sophisticated, intelligent, mature. Don’t miss your chance on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! 64106 YOU: M ODEL, STRIP-D ANCER OR look-a-like, goddess? No grey-heads. For: companionship, role playing. Me: edu cated, tall, “work-outer,” giver, non short, dark hair, like some kink & fetish. 64118 TALLISH, SLIM, BRAINY, CRE ATIVE, N S/N D SM, 30s, into body work, dancing, the outdoors, communi cation, growth... seeks lighthearted, gen tle spirited, healthy, playful F, 20s-30s for intimacy, fun, maybe more. 64107 SW PM , 37, H A NDSOM E, IN SHAPE, down to earth. I like romance, skiing, travel, movies, cooking, writing an adventure ISO young at heart F for companionship. 64104 W HAT D O YOU LIKE? Outdoors, the cultural life, friends, deep connection with someone? Creative, educated, in shape, good-looking SWPM seeks similar SWF (25-35) for everything. 64103 WAR VET, 45, STUCK IN LATE 1960s, needs compassionate, understand ing F to bring him into 90s. Single, strong, shy and muscular. Last date: 1972. Help, please. 64099 EXTRAORDINARY RELATIONSHIP sought by handsome NSSW M with integrity, humor, creativity, intelligence and charm loves skiing, music, movies, life! Seeking fit F, 33-43, with brains, beauty, smiles, spontaneity. 64100______ H A N D SO M E DADDY O F O N E seeks attractive PF, 23-30, to cherish. Must tolerate/enjoy pool and nights at home. Perverse sense of humor and competetiveness required. 64096_______________ H IR SU T E LOVER: 50ISH, 5’10”, 175lbs., attractive, fit, Mozart to soft rock, arts, theatre, jeans to dressing up ISO wonderful, wanton, willing, slim, attractive, sensual woman for life’s adventures. 64091__________________ __ T H E LOVE YOU G E T is equal to the love you give. DW M , 45, l45lbs„ 5’8”. Likes being w/ someone special and doing fun things. How about you? 64090 SEEKING U N IQUE, EASY-GOING MATCH (SWF) for SWPM, 23, who enjoys the outdoors, simple things in life, and is fit, intelligent, honest and sincere. 64082 _____________________________ FREE HEAT. DW PM , 37, romantic, caring, enjoys dining, adventure, travel, sports. Works 2nd shift. No games - sick of the bar scene. You: attractive, friends first/LTR. 64089_____________________ DW M , 45, 1841bs. I’M A VERY SEN SITIVE man who likes camping, fishing, dinning in or out. Looking for someone to share life’s pleasures. 64088 SW M, 29, NS, SEEKS SWF, NS, FOR a LTR. I like romantic evenings, art, photography, cuddling and sharing quali ty time. All interested F, 18-25, RSVP. 64083 _____________________________ ARE YOU AN ATTRACTIVE 20-30 YO F who would like to explore your submissive side with a tall, attractive, fit, athletic, well educated, 43 YO SWPM? 64077______________________ W ANTED: SIZZLIN G H O T Central VT woman w/ insatiable apetite. You: naughty girl, submissive, desiring a man to play with for you own pleasure. Me: 29, W M , 5’9 ”, 170lbs., intelligent, pas sionate, gentle and open-minded. Write me and dominate, 64078

Here's another pseudopsychological question fjcr you. Can two people with rather sordid pasts sort things cut and find purity for a fresh future together? —Sin Central in Barre

Dear Sin, How sordid, exactly? I wish you had been more specific. But only to fuel my fantasies, not to rate your degree of debauch ery. We’re not pure for long. I think the disinte gration begins with speak ing. When we learn words, we learn to manipulate and basically it’s downhill from there on the innocence scale. But when you find love— for the first time, every time and for the last time—you get it back. Keeping it intact, well, that’s the real trick. I sense that you’re worried about your own behavior and whether it’s beyond redemption. If you’ve learned your lessons, say sayonara to suffering. Stop selfflagellating. Guilt will eat you alive. Being a productive member of society requires that you have some life lessens under your belt. Naivete never amounted to much, experience, on the other hand, heals much more than it hurts. But it’s the combination of both that creates a real person. Cndure and persevere. And you will have more love than fear. With love,

c tola de c e mbe r

23,

1996

PERSON < TO GENTLE, LOVING, SPIRITUAL, NUDIST, wharf rat, BiSWM, 41, smok er seeks adventurous, alike BiF w/ van for companionship (age, race, looks unimportant). 64079 SWM, 39, ISO SWF, 25-35, who loves movies, sports, music, likes to just hang out and talk and have a good time. Sounds good? Try me. 64075 SW PM , 44, NS, 6’, ACTIVE, FIT, attractive, witty, not to mention humble, loves biking, skiing, travel, movies, music. Seeking sane woman, 30-45, for fun or more. 64062 W IN T E R S CO M IN G ! Do you feel a chill? Let’s melt together beside a raging fire after a passionate day of skiing and make whipped cream for our cappucino. SWM, 25, tall, fit, arid handsome seeks happy, healthy, wholesome F, 22+r for

winter excursions. 64067 SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP. NSASM, 30, handsome, honest, single, 5’1Q”, 155lbs„ perfect in cooking. Searching for 22-40 YO for real life, well cultured LTR. 64051 M ID 40s, FLOWER BEARING, easy going, pleasant to be w/, attractive, inshape guy ISO an attractive partner w/ a sense o f hum or who enjoys travel, long walks, the outdoors and laughter. Please find me, I can’t find you. 64061 W ANTED: LATINO O R HISPANIC lady, W PM looking for someone to wine and dine. Give it a try. Let’s have some fun. 64050 N O M O RE HEAD GAMES. SPM, 33, 6’, I60lbs, interested in meeting someone ready for relationship. Must be fun and independent and like kids. 64053

1-900-933-3325 to r e s p o n d

REVEL IN VERMONT. Play hard and long in all seasons, outdoors and in. Tall, slim, attractive lawyer seeks LTR with congruent NSWPF, abput 40, possessing intelligence, warmth, passion energy, cul ture. Kayak, hike, bike, ski and travel by day. Attend theatre, dances and movies by evening. Talk and read unceasingly. 64054 A G O O D CATCH! SWM, 33, FIT professional, NS, enjoys golf, theatre, dining out, running, sports, good conversation and much more ISO physically fit, S/DWF, NS, 27-36, for fun and possibly more. 64058 SW M, 18, ISO SWF to go out and party with, but not looking for a relationship. Let’s have some real fun! 64060 SEEKING TEN D ER, LONELY W OM A N who loves music. I’m a musi cian, mid 40s, 5’51/2”, decent looking, young at heart. Hoping for a compatible partner. 64055

W O M EN SEEKING W OM EN SWF LOOKING FOR SPECIAL FRIEND to share feelings and fun with. Sense of humor, caring, zest for life required. Good personality a must. 64150 DO YOU HAVE FANTASIES, DESIRES & dreams, and have no one to explore and share them with? If you are under 30, fern to soft butch, I might be the one you’re looking for! Let’s get together and start exploring together!!! 64137 I AM A WOMAN SEEKING SPECIAL woman. Goal: longtermer. Try it, you might like it. GBF, 62, wants you, 50-65. Others,

exploring! Enjoy movies, toys, fishing, pic nics, beaches, sunsets and moonlit skies. Looking for someone to fill a big hole in my heart. 64092 COME SUMMER, breathe in the dance of the butterfly, the flight of the cardinal, the waltz of the bumblebee. This winter, spend time getting acquainted. Older lesbian ISO nurturing nature wise companion. 64069 ARTISTIC, MUSICAL, ROMANTIC, bright, educated, child spirit, nature wor shipper. Slim/feminine appearence. 43 YO, NS/ND, in straight marriage w/ CFS wants out, but unable to be self supportive. I desire loving, supportive, non-butch friends who are non-judgemental, kind, deep and gentle. 64066 SLIGHTLY OFFBEAT, BUT DOWN TO earth SF, 23, seeks similar (22-27) to share friendship and to explore secret passions. Must be willing to have fun. 64059 HOMEY, INTELLIGENT FEMME ISO same. Are you spiritual, beautiful, sane? I’m a busy single mom looking for friends... possibly more. 64056

VERY ATTRACTIVE, WELL BUILT, allAmerican guy, in need of some good, hot fun! Discrete, no strings, just fun! 64136 SEEKING MIKE + GUYS LIKE HIM. Approx. 6’, gorgeous, call me “sir”, polite, full of fun. Me: BiWM, 35, 5’10”, 162lbs., seeking fun, not relationship. 64111 WM SEEKS 4-6 G/Bi/STR M FOR REG ULAR poker games. I’m 40, 5’8”, 150lbs. Let’s make new friends. Anything could happen! 64125 SWM, ALL MAN, MANY INTERESTS. Fun times, rough play or quiet nights. 32, 5’11”, 200 lbs. Very new, need teacher. 64095 SWM, Bi/CURIOUS, 18, 5’11”, 190lbs., looking for hot, discrete fun. No strings! 18-25 YOs. 64086 WHOLESOME AND SEXY. 6’2”, swimmer’s build, Italian, handsome, big smile, distracted professional and foreign adven turer seeks confident, natural, masculine, muscular, playful friend and lover. 64076 LOVE TO #*%@&!, but want more! Fun, playful GM, 26, 6’2”, 1651bs., looking for GM, 24-36, playful and honest. 64063 GBM, 36, 6’, 185lbs„ NS/ND, ATHLET IC, liberal minded, seeks GM, 20-36, for friendship, possible LTR. Physically dis abled GM considered, too. Willing to relo cate statewide. 64070 ADORE HOT LADDIES. Me: I’m very nice looking; don’t look my age (46 yrs. young), but act it. 6’, 1951bs., dark hair, blue eyes, enjoy sex. No fatties, sorry. 64065 GWM, 33, 6’, 1751bs. I AM A MAN who likes men who are MEN!! Interests: intellec tual depth, rugged workouts, cars, comedy... oh yeah, fun (20-40). 64052

M EN SEEKING MEN A CATCH waiting to be caught. Attractive PGWM, 49, 5’11”, 1651bs„ ISO an experienced angler to reel me in. I’m fishing for a GWM, 35-55, NS, HIV-. 64179 ATTRACTIVE, SHORT, SLENDER, older GWM seeks relationship with similar, age 40 +, NS, ND. Many cultural interests. Must appreciate country living. 64172 HANDSOME, SWARTHY, BRAINY, AND BRAWNY HUNK, 5’10”, 1651bs„

OTHER BiWF SEEKING NEW FRIENDSHIPS with adventurous individuals. Lets play in the snow, share good times, and explore the beauty of life. 64160 Bi MALE CD SEEKS DISCRETE PEO PLE for fun and play. Tired of boring evenings and long days. Call and leave mes sage. 64071

RO M A N C IN G T H E VINE, W ED ., 12/18. You waved at me through the window, right on cue. Wish I’d said something then. Can we meet? 64180 BARNES & NOBLE, 12/9. You asked me for the time and I was foolish for let ting you just walk away after I told you. You were petite and had straight blond hair, and I had a beard. Care to browse the stacks together sometime? 64170 LAST ELM CHEAP ART A U C TIO N Exchanged smiles/small talk. You: jeans: red plaid jacket, great eyes. Me: blond, leather jacket, buying art. Same team? Coffee? 64174 CATHY AT VPB O N 11/24. You bum med a smoke from me and your smile melted my heart. Do you shop often? Can we meet again? 64166

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1-900-933-332^ respond

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5 digit box numbers can be contacted either through voice mail or by letter. 3 digit box numbers can only be contacted by letter. Send letter along w/ $5 to PO Box 1164, Burlington, V I 05402

To respond to mailbox ads: Seal your response in an envelope, write box# on the outside and place in another envelope with $5 for each response and address to: PERSON TO PERSON do SEVEN DAYS, PO. Box 1164, T Burlington, VT 05402

PROFESSIONAL WOMAN, 55, creative, smart, looks OK. Loves nature, backpack ing, travel, mountains, desert, ocean. Enjoys Mexican food, dark beer, looking for rocks, collecting seeds, architectural design, gar dening & Steinbeck. Seeking communica tive tall M w/ compatible interests, relaxed outlook & sense of adventure. Box 066. HI, DEAR FRIEND. 1 AM 40 YO &------LIVE in Petrozarodsk (Russia) and work as a lawyer. I would like to have a friend in America. My life is rather interesting, but lonely. Maybe you will be interested in cor responding. Box 077

ATTRACTIVE, FUN LOVING, SWFND, 44, light smoker, enjoys exercise, romantic dinners, horseback riding, X-C skiing ISO SMND, 35-45, reasonably attractive. Photo please. Box 069 HI, DEAR AMERICAN STRANGER. I’m from Russia & would like to have an American friend. I’m 41 YO & work as an English translator. I like dogs and reading books (I like your writer, Stephen King). Hope to hear from you soon. Box 076 PRETTf, CULI'URED, W IDOW (trans-" planted New Yorker) seeks gentle man, 6070, for heart to heart friendship. Box 071

C O N FIR M E D YOUNG SENSUALIST. Lover of finer things in life, generous to a fault, financially secure member of presti gious profession seeking very attractive SPF, 22-35, who is possessed o f an active intellect, a toned body, and an indomitable sense of adventure to explore all aspects of life, the bounds of which know no parameters. Be ready to embark upon the intellectual, sensual and roman tic experience of your lifetime. Photo appreciated. Box 085

YOU: YOUNG, EPISCOPALIAN; have read Alibon’s Seed; family tree traces great migration arrival 1629-1641; seeking tall, brown, blue for pith and procreation. Sensual, happy. Box 084 INTELLECTUAL, CARING SWPM, 31, 5 7 ”, cute, seeking NS SWF (23-31) who is sincere, easy going, attractive, likes the out doors, music and intellectual conversations. Box 082 CENTRAL VT - NSNDPWM, athletic, very handsome, fit, honest, secure, indepen dent, fun(ny), diverse, adventurous, roman tic, imperfect. You: similar characteristics, attractive (internally/externally), 32-42. Responses answered. Box 079 SWM, 33, 5TO”, FOND OF CHERRIES and cream and licking the honey-pot clean. ISO S/DWF, 19-39, slender build. Write sgon! Box 075 I PAINT LIKE M ONET (right-handed), I sing like Caruso (mouth open), I am built like a Greek God (two arms, etc.). If you are a smart and beautiful twenty-something SWF, send me a photo and letter and I will write you back like Shakespeare (that is, in English). Box 073

ISO VERY CONFIDENTIAL LOVER to spend completely sensuous afternoons with. WM, 43, 6 2 , 225lbs., blond hair, green eyes, handsome, fun and sexy! Box 072 WILD- EYED IRISHMAN, 41, with tales to tell. Looking for fit, active, professional lass with stories of her own, for non-typical partnership based on growth, discovery, romance and children. Box 067 YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL, SMART, INDE PENDENT and under 26. Your friends and family are amazed you’re not seeing anyone, but you re special, and you’re picky. Me: funny, sensitive, good-looking, vegetarian, and in the same boat. Send smiley photo, and risk $5. At least we’ll be friends. Box 074 SWM, 50s, SEEKS FEMALE FOR TRIP to Las Vegas all expenses paid, except gam bling. Late Jan., ‘97. Why should I take you? Box 070 WE ARE SINGLE, 20-28, socially con scious, broad-minded, fun loving, adventur ous. Seek: compassion, depth, sincerity. Are: fit, attractive, intelligent. Love: culture, dance, outdoors, life. Pursue: righteousness, dignity, love. Box 068

IN “THE EMPEROR’S NEW CLOTHES,” who are you? Food: suste nance only or art medium? When was the last time you hugged your shadow side? Are you easily amused? What would make God laugh? Let’s ponder the imponderables together, and more. Box 083 SEEKING A SMART, SENSUAL, CRE ATIVE, communicative, analytical, allitera tive, passionate, playful, positive, political, spiritual, visionary, earthy, emotional, adventurous, integrated, kind and kinda funny kind of gal. Box 080

GM, 33, 5’8”, 160lbs., IN GREAT SHAPE, athletic and good looking, seeks same (18-35 YO) for daytime workouts and fun. Discretion assured. Box 078

Love in cyberspace. Point your web browser to http://www.wizn.com/7days.htiii to submit your message on-line.

Person to Person SEVEN DAYS

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