SEVENDAYS I sept^riib^r 17-24/2003' I craiikcall 11 A'
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C E N T E R
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C O SM ETIC & M ED IC A L
DERMATOLOGY
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SIM P LY T H E BEST
BY PETER KURTH
ALL T H E N E W S THAT G IVES U S FITS
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ood grief! If this week’s com mem oration o f the
him. But American memories are sadly so
events o f September 11, 2001, was “muted”
short that 69 percent o f the population,
G
Washington Post, likely that
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number o f emails I got on Thursday featuring
Saddam Hussein was involved in the attacks
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pictures o f the American eagle and admoni
on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon.”
and “low-key,” I’d hate to be around when
according to a survey in the
they pull out all the stops! I lost track o f the
still believes “that it was at least
tions that I “stand tall” and “never forget.” And I thought if I had to look one more time
O f course, there’s no evidence for this — Bush and the media cartel that keeps him in
posed against the American flag, they would
power from pretending there is. “In the past
I know — you’re not supposed to make
icy and argue for oil drilling in the Arctic, but in response to questions about tax cuts,
the digits “9 1 1 ” — as opposed to w hen you dial them , w hen you m ight be expected to be
unem ploym ent, budget deficits and even campaign finance.” It’s all the same, I guess, if you’re dealing with people with rags on their heads. And if
anything nowadays, apart from Catholic
you blinked quickly over the weekend you
priests, “Amber” alerts and the State o f Israel.
wouldn’t have noticed that the U.S. and
Take, for instance, the gag that follows, w hich sailed into m y box, unsigned and
received it. Ready? It’s a hoot:
Two Arab terrorists were in a locker room taking a shojwer after their bomb-making class, when one o f them noticed that the other had a huge cork stuck in his butt. ' “I f you do not mind me saying, " said the second, “that cork looks very uncomfortable. Why do you not take it out?" “I regret that I cannot, ” lamented the first Arab. “It is permanently stuck in my butt. ” “I do not understand, "said the other. [Please note how these Arabs speak to each other — slowly, in w ooden English. T hat’s so you can recognize them and report them to the authorities. You can fill in their dem onic accents by yourself, just as they do on the news w ith voice-over translations. But back to the joke.]
Thefirst Arab says, “I was walking along the beach and I tripped over an oil lamp. There was a p u ffo fsmoke, and then a huge old man in an American flag attire with a white beard and top hat came boiling out. He said, 7 am Uncle Sam, the Genie. I can grantyou one wish.’” I said, “No shit?" “GOD BLESS AMERICA!" T hat’s right, folks. T hat’s all there was —
Really, if all you did was watch TV last week, you'd have « thought that 9/11 was about Bush, and not about the nearly 3000 people who lost their lives in the worst terrorist attack so far on American shores. have decided to “delay indefinitely” the publi cation o f a long-awaited “progress report” on the issue, originally scheduled to appear this Tuesday. The Iraq Survey Group, an AngloAmerican team o f 1400 scientists, military and
was accom panied by a warning to Arabs, M uslim s and “everyone else w ho wears dirty
intelligence experts, has been scouring Iraq for the past four months looking for evidence to
rags on their heads” that President Bush has
justify this war, and guess what. There ain’t any. H ow ironic, then, that the 9 /11 anniver
T hat’ll knock their knees together in
sary should have fallen this year in the same
Islamabad! Really, if all you did was watch T V last
week that Leni Riefenstahl, “H itler’s Filmmaker” and “Propagandist for the Third
week, you’d have thought that 9/11 was about
Reich,” the last o f the Fiihrer’s “intim ate
Bush, and not about the nearly 3000 people
entourage” and a wom an w hose nam e is
w ho lost their lives in the worst terrorist attack
n ow a byword for political fakery, died in
so far on American shores. (Six thousand
M unich at the age o f 101.
Iraqis have already died in
that conflict,
but
who’s counting?) Despite his pledge to keep
“Reality doesn’t interest m e,” Riefenstahl once said. Her undoubted masterpiece,
out o f it and let this year’s 9/11 celebrations be
Triumph o f the Will,
a day “for the families,” Dubya managed to be
shot o f the 1936 Nazi rally at Nuremberg,
all over the screen, talking tough, saluting the
where the Allies were later clever enough to
troops, choking up and praying on cue. And
hold German leaders accountable for war
he was lionized as America’s veritable savior in two disgustingly sentimental prime-time docu
crimes. T h e film shows H itler arriving by
mentaries and one “ludicrously glamorized”
explaining to the gathered crowd that his
T V movie on Showtime, as Paul Krugman
“great com m and” to dom inate the world
The New York Times. We all know what Dubya was really doing
bravely put it in
on that awful day, two years ago. H e was flying aimlessly around the country on Air Force O ne y * ** while his handlers figured put- what to d o w ith •«
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weapons o f mass destruction anywhere in Iraq,
G od bless America. T his hilarious anecdote
“fixed the Maytag” and is settling scores.
ROBERT D. GORDON, M.D. D ip lo m a te : A m e ric a n B oard o f D e rm a to lo g y
Britain, having failed to find any evidence o f
unsolicited, on the very day o f this sad anniversary, and w hich I quote verbatim as I
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six weeks,” Krugman adds, “President Bush
becom e somber and patriotic w hen you hear
confused. It seems you can make jokes about
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has invoked 9/11 not just to defend Iraq pol
light o f things like this. You’re supposed to
screaming for help. Som etim es I get a little
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none, zero, zip — but that hasn’t stopped
at George W. Bush’s pious face and beady eyes have to com e and cart m e away for real.
*
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opens w ith an aerial
plane, like W otan from the clouds, and
“was not given by any earthly superior. It was given by G od, w ho created our people.” Sound familiar?
Email Peter at f "' ' " ' peterkurth@ peterkurth.com
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