L I T T LE PA R E N T ON T H E PR A I R I E
>> WHY MOM MY S T R ES S E ATS AT T H E VE RY MOM E N T OF T H I S WR I T I NG , I C O UL D B E T H E P O ST E R CH I L D FOR ST R ES S E AT I NG . BY TRACY KIRBY | IMAGE BY CRISTA BALLARD PHOTOGRAPHY Are you familiar with the term “stress eating?” If not, don’t worry. I’m an expert. Simply put, it’s eating while stressed. Or, eating to relieve stress. Or, just using stress as an excuse to consume something ravenously you normally wouldn’t. Today, I just ate three Flyboy Donuts in a row practically without breathing or blinking. And I’d do it again. Without an ounce of guilt. You see, our house is up for sale. I know. We are fools. Fools filled with folly, I tell you. I guess we thought, “Hey, we have two young children, a 150-pound shedding dog, why not just throw another log on this already blazing fire of chaos? Let’s move! People do it all the time!” And here I am today, stress eating donuts at an increasingly dangerous and alarming rate. I think I can actually feel my blood starting to make a sharp left into Diabetesville as the sugary frosting keeps hitting my palate. 'Why do people move all the time?’ I keep asking myself with every bite. Everyone with “for sale” signs in your yard! Why? Selling a home is stressful. It’s the ultimate form of putting yourself out there for all the world to see while living in a glass case of emotion and cleanliness. I know just by my very limited experience of house shopping that maintaining a clean, tidy, organized abode is the first step in selling your house. The potential buyers have to be able to see themselves in the house, and I’m pretty sure any potential buyer does not want to envision themselves in an apple-sauce smeared, loud toy-infested, crumbinhabited (featuring a wine room) home. So, we have staged our home in 48 // AUGUST 2016
HEY WE HAVE TWO YOUNG CHILDREN, A 150-POUND SHEDDING DOG, WHY NOT JUST THROW ANOTHER LOG ON THIS ALREADY BLAZING FIRE OF CHAOS? LET’S MOVE! PEOPLE DO IT ALL THE TIME!
such a way to appear as though it is a stalwart sparkly, white cabinet, vacuum-striped oasis. However, keeping it in such a state has proven to be a feat akin to harnessing a tornado in a delicate butterfly net. Just yesterday we had two showings of our home. And, while in Real Estate Land that is really good news, in my parenting land, that is a nightmare boiled over with a scent of bleach on top. A showing for us means that we have to leave the house looking as if not a one of us lives there. Not a one. This means not one shred of laundry can be on the floor, toilet and mirrors
605 Magazine August 2016 Edition