Mobile moments of madness
There have been moments recently when I have been sorely tempted to launch my mobile telephone into orbit, pre-programmed to crash to earth on Richard Branson’s head. Since the beginning of the year my signal from the Virgin network had been gradually worsening often to the point where using a carrier pigeon would have been more effective. Of course the first line of defence for all mobile phone companies are the foreign call centres where everyone is called Godfrey or Marion and you know they’ve never been called that in their life. They’re irritatingly polite and heavily scripted on how to deal with awkward customers going ballistic down the phone and threatening to do all manner of unspeakable things. “Oh we’re very sorry for the inconvenience Mr Graham,” trilled
one after 45 minutes on the helpline which was the cut off, probably because a passing pigeon had blocked the one bar of signal which I was using. They want you to give in and go away don’t they? “Oh we’ll be giving you another 3,000 texts as compensation Mr Graham, isn’t that wonderful?” No! I want to speak to someone not write everything in text, I replied, quietly steaming and thinking of what I’d like to do with the operator’s headset. Many calls later I was allowed permission to speak to the technical department and, amazingly, I actually understood what he was saying. Virgin had decommissioned a mast close to our area and the signal was weakened because of it and there were no plans to recommission it in the future. Oh
Spreading the news A North Shields man loves Marmite so much that he’s changed his surname by deed poll to match the yeast spread.
Mr Marmite, 38, says he easily gets through a jar a week and also collects Marmite paraphernalia including limited edition jars, cufflinks and a recipe book dating back to the Second World War.
www.50plusmagazine.co.uk
I was in a quandary about who to go to for service, or should I revert back to the two syrup tins and a length of string which had been so effective in my youth? And cheaper. I settled for Talk Talk but for three days that was precisely what I couldn’t do, talk, until numbers had been ported, sims transferred and I had to threaten to separate at least three help line operators from their important bits. My wife opted for a package with one of those tablet come Kindly wotsit gadgets. It’s amazing the stuff they have now, even a phone that reacts when you look at it. I’m hanging on until they have one which soothes you when you can’t make a phone call, brews tea and makes a bacon sandwich. Sorry, just having another moment of mobile madness!
Tyred of wasted money It seems to me that an incredible amount of money is wasted on rather useless items, many in the name of education.
Saire May - now Marmite - made the leap to show his ‘devotion and passion’ to the dark brown paste. “I’m not exactly sure how old I was when I first tried Marmite, but I just remember eating it as far back as I can remember,” he said. “I like the smell, the taste, the texture. I think I pretty much like everything about it.”
nice, I live high on the Yorkshire moors and Graham Smith would have thought there Twitter Column was plenty of room for a new mast, but no, said the technical man. I was put through to the public relations department and a very polite chap confirmed that my signal would not improve and I was free to leave Virgin without penalty!
Our local school has just unveiled a “tyre park” which has cost a staggering £10,000. Now how many swimming lessons or creative activities could that money have bought instead of dumping a pile of old painted tyres for pupils to clamber across? “My family think I’m mad. However my mum just shrugged her shoulders, she expects this kind of thing from me,” he added. It’s the sort of silly idea which could spread.
In my schooldays we were quite happy with a playground area where we fashioned wickets from a dustbin, chalked goalposts on the wall and if anyone had dumped a load of old tyres there we’d have thrown them out. Progress? 5