HIGHBROW
SO YOU DON'T HAVE A FIVE YEAR PLAN...
Deep breaths. It's going to be okay.
CAROLINE HARRIS Photo: Creative Commons
over heard PENN at
A mesmerized snow blower: The coke here has, like, a cute amount of meth. A motorized exhibitionist: Sex on the beach is good, but I prefer sex on a jet ski. A stylish dude with normal glucose levels: I was killing the fanny pack at the villa party until someone asked if I had diabetes. In an ideal world, summer means lying poolside with a piña colada and a James Dean look–alike. In Penn world, summer means landing a prestigious internship that will make all your friends jealous. The grind doesn't stop when your last paper is written and your last exam is submitted. The grind continues with resume gains and the annual exodus from Penn to New York. This time of year, walking into VP feels like descending into the abyss. Venture to ground floor between 1 a.m. and 4 a.m., and you may as well
be on the set of a post–apocalyptic movie. Students half–walk, half– sleepwalk from GSR to GSR. Food is meager and morale is low. Students frantically click between Canvas and PennLink, obsessively refreshing their emails for internship offers. The only reprieve is Mark's coffee and a mildly cute mouse named Oscar. In a school of overachievers, it's easy to feel like you aren't doing enough. It's easy to tie your self–worth not to the lines on your resume, but to the spaces between them—the internships you were rejected from, the awards you
HIT IT OR QUIT IT HIT IT: MARTINI SZN QUIT IT: BIKINI SZN Spring Break forever? As if. You've ditched the beach; now you can ditch the beach bod, but keep drinking. In the end, nothing leaves you feeling more body confident than a nice day buzz.
HIT IT: MARCH MADNESS QUIT IT: MIDTERM MADNESS With exams hopefully behind us for awhile, we can start focusing our attention on college bas-
didn't win and the leadership positions you didn't get. It's easy to feel like you don't measure up. Highbrow's here to tell you you are doing enough. It's okay to not know what you want to major in, where you see yourself in five years and how you want to spend the rest of your life. It's okay if you don't have an internship lined up in May. It's okay to waver. It's okay to not have all the answers. Most people don't—or they're doing one hell of a job pretending. New York's hot and humid in the summer anyway.
ketball. Whether you watch it for sincere intrigue or to see which colleges are worth visiting because their players are next–level hot, there’s no shame in screaming (or drooling) in front of your television. Sit back, relax and revel in the fact that some schools actually have sports–related school spirit.
HIT IT: SNARTY QUIT IT: SNOW BLUES Yeah, yeah, it's cold outside. Cold sucks. You have to wear an extra layer or two and really thick socks. Boo hoo. Skip the whining; let's celebrate snow in style. Bring out the brewskis, let whiskey keep you warm, finagle your way into a drunken igloo and slip back into the spirit of a winter won-
A hyper–sexual logistics scholar: I couldn't even be seated next to all the guys I hooked up with, we wouldn't even fit in an airplane row. A gal keeping it positive: My number would be higher if boys didn't get whiskey dick. I guess it is a good thing.
derland. The cold never bothered us anyway.
HIT IT: GREEN, EVERYWHERE QUIT IT: ALL BLACK EVERYTHING It's here. Finally. The day we've all been waiting for. Patty's is around the corner, which means it's time to break out the face paint, hit up CVS for those light–up headband things, and add some oomph to our outfits beyond the typical black– on–black–on–black vibe. This is the one day of the year we all know what to wear—let's go all out on our outfits.
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