Dr Ronald Rogge, a professor at the University of Rochester in the US, followed 174 committed couples for three years. Some of the couples received traditional marriage GO TO THE MOVIES. counselling, others received no special THEN TALK attention, and still AFTERWARDS others were instructed to watch relationshipfocused movies each week and talk afterwards. Watching flicks and getting counselling both cut the break-up rate by half.
14
N o. 1 5
Come Together only happens on Abbey Road. Relax. Take Turns.
N o. 16
AUTONOMY IN A RELATIONSHIP IS GOOD Neither of you should feel that you’re being guilted or coerced into choices about the way you live. Researchers at the University of Houston found that couples who feel self-determined instead of trapped are less defensive and more understanding during fights.
1 7/ E X PA N D Y O U R M AT E ’ S I D E A O F YO U T WO . . . I N Q U E E N S T OW N. O R T H E K I M B E R L E YS . O R S R I L A N K A . T R AV E L I S A R E L AT I O N S H I P R E D E F I N E R , W H I C H M AY B E W H Y YO U E NJ OY E X U B E R A N T S E X I N E XO T I C P L AC E S .
18
KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN WHEN YOU FIGHT. IT MIGHT SHOCK BOTH OF YOU
IN TO BEING MORE REASONABLE.
N o. 19
Banish Boring, Part 1: Do Something Batshit as a Couple
Jet skiing? Hang gliding? Psychologist Dr Arthur Aron, and his colleagues at Stony Brook University and the University of California at Berkeley, have found that couples who engage in a novel activity together report much more marital satisfaction than couples who have merely “pleasant” date nights (that is, the same old routine). Okay, it doesn’t have to be skydiving, says Aron: “it can be an art class.” The point: bust your rut.
If you go on a double date and do something new that creates closeness among the four of you, says Aron, you’ve just quadrupled the excitement level in the room. That thrill is associated with your partner. “And that initial sense of exhilaration that comes from falling in love is reinvigorated,” he says. Aron’s theory: you’re happiest when your mate expands your sense of who you are. So perhaps some time travel is in order. Remember when you two were young and the possibilities seemed limitless? Re-engage with friends from that time, preferably ones who’ve been sweating together (see #8). Then push new boundaries as a group.
82
JUNE 2016
PHOTOGRAPHY: MEREDITH JENKS/TRUNKARCHIVE.COM/SNAPPER MEDIA
Banish Boring, Part 2: Do Batshit Things with Another Couple