What It's Like to be a Non-Binary RA

WHATS IT'S LIKE TO BE A NON-BINARY RA

WRITTEN BY VIVIEN GRAY VALOREN (THEY/THEM)

I, like many others, signed up to be an RA to help others like myself feel more comfortable in campus housing and also because I am poor and had no other options. I felt nervous at first; the responsibility, the time management, and the acknowledgement that there are people whose lives may change drastically depending on my ability to solve their issues. . Even with all anticipation, I wasn’t prepared for what was about to happen before I officially even started. The treatment I received during training was, for better or worse, exactly how I expected it to be for someone Non-Binary like me. I was not the first Non-Binary RA to undergo training at Long Beach State University, but the issues I faced were definitely still constant and unfortunately predominant.

For context, I was placed in Hillside B, the Pride House. However, I had to be temporarily assigned to Los Alamitos while Hillside B underwent construction. The first issue I noticed after narrowly making the drive in my overfilled nearly-to-the-ceiling car was that the first floor wings were separated by gender. Men on one side, women on the other, and communal bathrooms meant for people of the same gender to awkwardly avoid each other while showering. All of my legal documentation and even my information on the school database lists me as Non-Binary, yet I was placed in female housing. I had to move my things in and deal with being sweaty and exhausted with no access to a shower as the gender neutral bathrooms on the first floor only had a toilet and sink. After dealing with so much that day, I just fell asleep and figured I would deal with it the next day. Unfortunately, it wouldn’t be the end of my ordeals with gender segregation on campus.

I contacted my supervisor about my issue and asked why I was placed in female housing. They offered me male or gender neutral housing, but the whole situation could have been avoided entirely if they had simply asked me questions prior to my arrival. As for the bathroom issue, it was decided that a bathroom on an empty floor would be designated to be off limits for everyone else. It was nice having the entire space to myself, but it really dawned on me that my gender was not taken into consideration when I applied to be an RA, even though I heavily argued that it would be essential to have representation in the Queer dorms. I have yet to find an explanation as to why I was placed there, as my supervisor told me the decisions were made above them. It was tabulated in forms, documentation, and other office buzzspeak that really showed it was either incompetence, laziness, or the campus just straight up not even considering Non-Binary genders. I thought it would get better once training started, but it only got worse from there.

Training happened at the Pointe for two weeks, from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. . There, I would sleepily watch PowerPoint presentations on how to talk to people, write paperwork, and the various busy work RAs would be subjected to. Besides internally dying doing group activities for the sake of “group fun” (because we all know everyone who takes this job does so because they just love mandatory fun times) I discovered another issue: the Pointe has no gender neutral bathrooms, which was a surprise to the training staff when I pointed it out. The Pyramid and Dance Center, the closest buildings that have gender neutral bathrooms, were locked during all of training. My only options were Parkside Service Center, or if that was closed, walk all the way back to Hillside. Since our short breaks were usually less than 10 minutes or so, my only option was to wait to be let out for our lunch or dinner. The other solution that was proposed by the training staff was to block off one of the bathrooms in the Pointe while I used it, as if I really wanted to be that person that denied everyone else a bathroom. I was frustrated every time I took my long walks to relieve myself, especially on days where I had been holding it for a while. It was wrong for me to be treated this way and I knew I had to escalate.

I reported the issue to Title IX. Besides being given a map of the campus gender neutral bathrooms, even though this was during the summer and there would be no guarantee the bathrooms would even be open, I was told that any event or training I had to attend where I did not have access to a gender neutral bathroom to give them a call. I just felt so...unseen. No one else was having this issue, and if they were, the process of speaking up would have been too much to handle for someone who’s speaking out against the very employer that also houses them. I know there is no single individual to blame for this because the issue is with the whole administration, which has jaded my views and put a chip on my shoulder towards anything to do with the school not inherently designed for people like me in mind. And since I represent people like me in Pride House, these issues will go on to be something I speak up about with the Residents.

Dealing with the stress of moving, being misgendered by the Housing administration, and a lack of access to gender-neutral bathrooms were all part of my experience as an RA, before I was officially an RA. The worst part is I’ll have to continue with this job as I cannot afford housing otherwise. It’s hard looking at this school knowing full well other people like me are either erased or just not at all recognized in some of the practices of a school that prides itself on being inclusive. While there is still a way to go, I know I’ll do my part to make it easier for the next one like me to not have to deal with being erased. It’s also the reason why I go by my middle name. I won’t be put into a black and white binary, I’ll just be Gray.