WE HAVE MUCH TO LEARN

I just try to feel sexy. When I look at the mirror, all I see is a giant grotesque gorging pimple on my belly ready to explode.

The white greasy puss of butter

Instead of veggies barely holding its stature from the turkey leg— scratch that— the whole fucking turkey.

So let me try to feel sexy in my seat, let my confidence awaken at its peak. But I must cover my chest while I’m at it. Don’t wear so much, but don’t wear too little.

Let them wander from what could be underneath.

But let them see so they can get a glimpse. Prissy Prudy Trudy is not what I want to be known for.

But only a second, otherwise you’re a whore with a pimple on its belly.

Whorey Tory is not what I want to be known for either.

WRITTEN BY SIERRA JACKSON ILLUSTRATION BY JULIE DE LEON MARCH 2023 WOMENS ISSUE

Wake up at 5am, grease, wash, and shampoo the frizzes. I have to straighten my hair if it becomes an issue. Matter of fact, wear a weave. No one wants to see it nappy.

Nails must be done, not too long, not too short.

Baby pink, not red, not an absurd color of oddness

Don’t wear makeup unless you’re ugly

Rip every piece of hair off my body except from my head

Keep that long to pull and to twirl. Never dye your hair unless it looks boring.

Blondes have more fun, but don’t buy the dye at CVS or Walgreens.

Smile with your teeth unless they’re crooked.

Drink a beer at a party, but nothing more.

Always be with a friend. Put a hand over your cup.

And I don’t dance with strangers.

It’s my fault if something bad happens, so I won’t blame others when I inevitably take another cup of beer, If I leave my friend, and a boy touches my ass.

Don’t eat bacon

Instead, eat your maple muck of misery

Take your role in life and stand in line for your death sentence.