GRUNION: The Financial Master’s Guide to Retiring at 30 A highly skilled financial prodigy shares their tips to get rich quickly in today’s world!
by Paperman
M
aking money is difficult for everyone, except for me. I am a 22-year-old financial genius here to expand your mind and help you manifest the vast amounts of wealth that await you. After all, poverty is only a mindset. With these simple tips to securing multiple sources of income, you too can become just like me and be on track to retiring with a quaint and humble sum of 40 million dollars!
Invest in the Stock Market Investing in the stock market is a great way to multiply your money tenfold. The only requirements here are your ability to research certain companies and be able to track market trends in recent years. The main talent however is being able to bandwagon on what Twitter and Reddit tell you to invest in then hope you’re lucky enough to strike it big. Make sure you take whatever measly earnings you’ve made from working a below minimum wage job in the food industry and put your faith in internet strangers! Afterall, what’s the point in even playing if you aren’t planning on winning big? Like I said, it’s all about your mindset.
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Invest in Cryptocurrencies Cryptocurrencies are taking the globe by storm, might even be causing storms at this rate with Bitcoin alone using around 0.6% of global energy. A small price to pay for you shifting that poor mindset! This one is fairly simple. All you need to do is take your small capital that you may have and spend approximately $5,000 on a cryptocurrency mining rig and use it to make around $10 everyday it’s active and running up your electricity bill. After this, light your candles and pray that Elon Musk doesn’t randomly tweet something about your chosen cryptocurrency and drive down its value. After day 500, you should begin to see a profit but don’t worry, that won’t happen because you’ll surely hit it big. GRAPHIC BY JIREH DENG
