P.S. & Signature

Written By: Isaiah Holloway

P.S. & Signature Written By: Isaiah Holloway

PREFACE I haven’t published written work since 2022. That was the last time I remember writing effortlessly, and with ease. Everything that followed that year consumed me from the inside out - instantaneously, my new life brought overwhelming experiences I couldn’t articulate on paper. I did not know anything about the people or things I thought I knew. what to say or do, how to feel. I had always somehow turned to the literature part of myself, in writing, to guide me in figuring it out, but this time, I just didn’t, and I felt entirely on my own because of it. A small part of me did believe that the words would somehow find their way back to me with unforced time, maybe as I grew older - I did not imagine that they would come rushing back to me in a completely different direction and sequence.

The last few months of my life have at times felt like isolation in a room with 4 metal walls, and writing became the only escape of a porthole I could see out of for light and familiar stories. I see these stories so vibrantly visual in my mind, and I hear every word with a melody, carefully crafted as a song derived from intentional lyricism. these poems are conceptually bonded to songwriting.

Words became more natural when I wrote with music attached, and very important artists to me and their releases in music greatly informed my writing process. Though I view this project as genre-less, I hear alternative and country instrumentals present throughout. In each of these carefully curated and selected poems, there is so much of me in a way that I have not previously shared.

I simply began to write poems and songs, as one, and over the last 6 months, that process has become what what you are about to read.

P.S. Play your favorite records, let them serve as your sonic score reading every word.

A Passage

How could I not have read the signs and watched the clock tick, It was you who kept all my ink pens stored, trophies, and colored pencils, Files, hats, heels - a life with you that flashed before my eyes.

All the words you whispered in my ear, And all the words I made up Just to cope with you being real And really mine, I will never forget you, Thank you, For saving my temporary life On earth.

Written By: Isaiah Holloway

Dedicated To: exes, & their great writers.

Table Of Contents:

1.

P.S. & Signature

2.

Hardest Part

3.

Winner

4.

Color

5.

Coastline

6.

Whistleblower

7.

Circus Sorriso

8.

6 Foot Something

9.

Still Playing Dress-Up

10.

Great Defeat

P. S. & Signature

P. S. Burnt is a flavor I have tasted 100 times sober I did not know human skin could be this flammable Just as I did not know a pain like mine could fester this long After your European voyage, the sun burned harsher than ever, What was once dazed in the clouds over the sea at six, now seven Became every grain of sand in my hourglass timer, Praying for the rain to drown me Signature In your declaration penned only in postcards, I learned that The handwriting and signature of a liar Is unmistakably similar to that of a father You should know better Then to try and outsmart lightning with a pen, I strike faster Once naive, twice if you’re brave enough to lend second chances

1

2

Hardest Part

Ink running out of itself to fill pages I know will run out I’m sorry we ran out of it; words Enough to fill a page, you were always speechless in the worst way That’s why I no longer wish your brother a Happy Birthday Or your mother a Mother’s Day It’s just not my place anymore There’s no space for me Or you Which just brings irony Because there is so much of it between us now And I remember, I remember When it wasn’t always like this, but it is now And I suppose that that is the hardest part About accepting this as our story Is that it wasn’t always like this When I began writing

3

WINNER

To any medal winner who craves the gratification of winning, I hate to share that the price of a love affair is second place, Boys are not athletes, but remain players of the game, Who forfeit their rights and title for a love triangle In the name of something golden, Do you think he knows I overdosed before posing at the podium?

And when the race is over, Will you remember the last time you were in the same room As the love of your life, And a stranger?

Where were you when you realized They were the same person?

Tell me What’s worse for a man, A cage, or a leash?

4

I’m sorry we ran out of it;

5

words

6

Color

It is a vile feeling, an overwhelming one To stand still in a color-changing relationship And have the nicest paint wash you out, As you would your own hands, Hands you have taught me how to draw, then hold When I was just a stencil of myself It is you, You are the artist that has led me to see greater than the stars And the sky In the night, And for this, My world is an ombre town turned city

7

8

Coastline

9

I walk along the coastline And it walks beside me My toes whisper to wait, but I won’t I walk a thin timeline of us And if I stop, for even just a day I will travel backwards in time And I will unravel the spine of our story Our timeline will cease to exist as I know it And for better or for worse, I would rather walk along the coastline And remember you, reminisce, and regret Than walk it never knowing.

10

Whistleblower

Acquired executive information Like the unaccounted nepotism of a man Below the radar, I hover over source files that contain Encrypted messages, scripted and rehearsed: I am a whistleblower But don’t tell my ex And your mother, I’ll always disguise her first name Even if I can’t take your last If my cover is blown under the sheets, I should’ve known Better than to sleep with the enemy, Next to a loaded gun If I disappear You have pulled the trigger on me

11

12

circus sorriso

It is to be foreshadowed, nearly inevitable That you and I, we will not be a forever thing Not in the way that she is with him And maybe it is me who should’ve known earlier, When acrobats were soaring over our heads, With silks over sharp objects, and still, The only dazzling act was you And your lips And your circus sorriso I do not retract my ticket, my admission for one Into the translation game, Even if I knew all along, That I would end up losing Everything That once meant Everything

13

6 Foot Something

I have placed a bet on every horse at this race Because I am a trick-less pony, trained from the best, And you will surely find happiness beyond this rodeo, You and your brand new 6-foot-something I am certain that He will turn down the volume of the music From slow dancing in the stables, Just to hear what you said And pretend he didn’t hear you, just to hear you Say it again And in the darkest maze of corn, I’m certain he will discern those blue eyes as yours Just as I once did, And still could Because I am still in love with you

14

And pretend he didn’t hear you, just to hear you,

15

say it again

16

Still Playing Dress-Up

17

One minute you are holding yourself, by yourself, With self-respect, And the next, You are playing dress-up, playing “house” In his apartment downtown Facing your reflection in his bedroom mirror As you adjust his collar as your own, Wearing his button-up, just his button-up And He once played dress-up too, In costumes, and accessories, And other boys before you, And this time, It is no different, Because perhaps, We are still too close in age to that memory To grow up To learn from it

18

Great Defeat

I no longer fear the things that I once did I have sighed, and therefore I have untied The once invincible tether That bonded me to the barrels and burdens of our aftermath, And cliffs I wished to dive off That tether has now fallen to the ground in great defeat I have untied myself because trains are coming, And I have learned a valuable lesson; If you stand between the cracks on the track long enough, You will get hit And only then will you know, In that moment of judgment, No sadness, Just Relief

19

20

thank you for your time, this has been P.S. & Signature.

ALL POEMS AND ARTWORK HAVE BEEN WRITTEN AND curated solely

BY ISAIAH KAHLIL holloway. @zayakahlil

P.S. & Signature Written By: Isaiah Holloway