Coping with isolation

by Joy Pamnani

If your grandkids asked you about COVID, what would you tell them about? l The compulsory social isolation? l The mask mandates? l The restrictions on travel? l Illness, WFH and compulsory quarantine orders? Perhaps it makes sense to say “I barely survived.” But what if you could tell them you thrived?

Every day I would show up at work motivated to conquer challenges. I worked out and got better sleep. I made time to read. There were emotional ups and downs but I trained myself to be more resilient, spent time with the right people and on the right things.

Recently, local universities have been holding workshops* on wellbeing. They use evidence-based tools to explain how to lead healthier, happier lives and show that the key to coping with social isolation and becoming a happier individual is not to post photos of the sunset with the hashtag #wellbeing. The workshops are about positive psychology, also known as the “Science of Flourishing”. This approach involves a holistic perspective on happiness and wellbeing and studies the spiritual, physical, intellectual, emotional and relational factors that contribute to it.

• Spiritual wellbeing is about living mindfully and purposefully. Not necessarily related to religion, it involves living in the present moment and cultivating a sense of meaning.

• Physical wellbeing is about taking care of both the body and the brain through diet, exercise, sleep and stress management.

• Intellectual wellbeing is about keeping the mind active through curiosity and lifelong learning.

• Emotional wellbeing is about generating optimism, enthusiasm and gratitude, as well as becoming more resilient by bouncing back from negative experiences quickly.

Relational wellbeing involves reflecting on yourself and your social and relational needs. According to New York University sociologist Eric Klinenberg “The greater the proportion of online interaction [versus face-to-face interaction] the lonelier you are.” It’s important we make time for social interaction because social media is not and will never be a substitute.

To make a positive change in our lives that incorporates these aspects of wellbeing, we need to cultivate good habits. James Clear, the author of bestseller Atomic Habits, says there are four steps in a habit cycle: the cue, craving, response and reward. A craving is motivation for change, triggered by the cue which he defines as information that predicts a reward. The response is your action, while the reward is the benefit you gain. Here’s an example.

Imagine you’ve just woken up and you want to feel alert. You reach for a cup of coffee to boost alertness. The cue was you waking up. The craving for alertness was your motivation. Reaching for coffee was your response and you reaped the benefits of alertness. As you repeat the process, it becomes habitual.

Different parts of the brain are responsible for creating and sustaining habits. Associated with decisionmaking, the prefrontal cortex is responsible for creating them. The first time you make coffee, your brain is learning. From locating coffee powder in your kitchen to adding a last pinch of sugar, the prefrontal cortex is systematically learning the steps to achieve the goal. As you repeat this process, the brain sees that making coffee doesn’t require much brainpower. The task is handed over to another part of the brain - the basal ganglia - which is associated with memory and pattern recognition. Making coffee eventually becomes a habit. Understanding this process helps you create good habits. That’s also how corporations create loyal customers. According to Nir Eyal, bestselling author of Hooked, 79% of smartphone owners check their devices within 15 minutes of waking up every morning. The dopamine reward cycle from checking social media is what companies understood and leveraged to create a multibillion-dollar industry.

You can leverage this formula to create wellbeing in your life:

• Set an alarm - a cue to remind yourself to drink more water for physical health.

• Start and end your day with gratitude for better emotional and relational wellbeing.

• Set aside time for random acts of kindness to bring meaning and purpose into your life.

You took time to read this article, and that’s an investment in intellectual wellbeing already. Social isolation is only one challenge along the rollercoaster ride that is life. Those who invest in wellbeing not only make it to the end but also thrive along the way.

To quote James Clear again, “Be the designer of your world and not merely the consumer of it.”

Joy Pamnani is an award-winning public speaker who has attended HKFYG programmes in the past. Now Chief Innovation Officer at Inspire2Aspire Consulting, she has coached over 5,000 students from schools, universities, NGOs and Toastmasters clubs in public speaking and debating.

Inspire2Aspire Consulting, a training company, has worked with the University of Hong Kong, Hang Seng University and Lingnan University to deliver workshops for students and staff about positive psychology.

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