Yours magazine issue 234

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‘Finding faith again changed my life’ ✷

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After losing her mum as a teenager, Karen Openshaw tells how Christmas has special meaning for her – and why she’s committed to helping young people

By Carole Richardson or years Karen Openshaw hated Christmas and New Year. She didn’t think much of God either.

“I didn’t enjoy it from the ages of 15 to 32,” admits the 50-yearold chaplain and lay preacher.

She can be precise about the dates because they mark two of the most important events in her life. In her mid teens, Karen’s beloved mum Margaret died, leaving her and her two younger brothers home alone in Bolton. Her father, who had been divorced from her mother since Karen was 11, lived abroad.

“I thought the world of my mum,

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Karen as a baby with her beloved mum and right, with hubby Bill and their two girls

‘After losing mum I’d always felt very empty at this time of year. Now I enjoy every moment’ present! I adored Meganne and decided I wanted her christened.”

Finding a small church nearby, she began attending and her faith started to grow as she cared for Bill’s elderly sick parents while bringing up Meganne (now 17) and second daughter Katie (13).

Leaving her job in the police, she slipped into the carer role again, while doing various parttime jobs before enrolling at the University of Bolton to study for a degree in Philosophy and English.

By the time she graduated in 2009 she was working part-time there as a student chaplain.

Gradually, her work extended to various youth projects, training youth workers and working as a school chaplain in an innercity area. Today, she’s leading an ambitious project to create a

Karen’s aunt and uncle who looked after her when her mum died

youth centre for 500 children and young people in Bolton, where they can visit seven nights a week. It will offer mentoring and life skills programmes as well as sport, health and recreation.

“I would never want a young person to experience the loneliness I’d felt. That feeling of being alone has formed me; all my decisions around helping people have been connected to that feeling,” she adds.

“That feeling of being alone continued until I found God. I know it sounds dramatic but it just moved me. I believe the words of John Wesley, ‘Do all the good you can in all the ways you can’ are a code for us all to live by. Tiny things make such a difference and kindness is never wasted.”

Karen’s never forgotten the kindness her aunt – who now has Alzheimers – and uncle showed her and her brothers, which is why they will be treasured guests at Christmas dinner this year.

“I love Christmas now! I have ever since I found God. After losing mum I’d always felt very empty at this time of year. Now I enjoy every moment with church and my family.” ✢ To support the Westhoughton Youth Project Karen is leading for Bolton Lads & Girls Club, visit www.blgc.co.uk or email Karen on karen.openshaw@blgc.co.uk YOURS

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PIC: MIKE POLOWAY/UNP

who was diagnosed with lung cancer when I was 12. I was the one left caring for her. When she died, we were devastated. As a child I always had a faith but I remember thinking: ‘If there is a God, why do these things happen?”

Thankfully, Karen’s Aunt Anne and Uncle John, who lived nearby, took the youngsters in. “We were very fortunate; they were amazing,” recalls Karen. Despite their kindness though, the feeling of loneliness never left her.

“I loved them and I had loads of friends, but it never stopped that inner loneliness,” she says.

Aware that life was already a struggle for her aunt and uncle with three children of their own, especially when her aunt became ill with tuberculosis, she recalls: “I never wanted to be a burden.”

That included financially, so putting any thoughts of going to university out of her mind, she trained as a medical secretary. At 20, she married a “lovely man” but by 25, they’d split up amicably.

In 1984, she joined Greater Manchester Police, initially in an admin role in the prosecutions department, then the major incident team. Encountering people with problems and realising they could talk to her, she qualified as a counsellor in her late 20s because she wanted to know she was “saying and doing the right things” in response.

After meeting Bill, now 61 and an insurance officer, the pair had a non-religious beach wedding ceremony in Mauritius in September 1996 as she still felt let down by God. Soon after their first daughter Meganne – named after Karen’s mum and aunt – was born 18 months later, that feeling suddenly changed. The moment came when Karen was listening to the words of the Madonna song, Little Star... ‘God gave a present to me, Made of flesh and bones, My life, my soul, You make my spirit whole.’ “It was like an epiphany,” she recalls. “God had given me a

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By Fashion Editor, Michelle Nightingale Gill wears: Grey knit, £14, 8-22, George at Asda Joan wears: Pink mohair mix, £49.50, 8-22, Autograph at M&S

✢ Snowflake jumper, £16, s-xl, Matalan

✢ Lace-detail, £34, 6-22, Next

✢ Light blue knit, £14, 10-24, Bonmarché YOURS

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Stay warm and stylish with these cosy knits for every budget

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✢ Textured sweater, £22, 6-22, Next

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✢ Colour-block knitted coatigan, £45, 14-32, Evans

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TIP ‘Coatigans’ are big this winter – a mix between a cardigan and coat, these cosy numbers are practical and stylish

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OTHER COLOURS IN STORE

✢ Monochrome bardot jumper, £18, 8-22, M&Co

✢ Check cardigan, £39, 8-22, M&Co

FASHION EDITOR’S CHOICE

✢ Brushed cable jumper, £18, 8-24, George at Asda

✢ Navy fluffy Fairisle jumper, £16, 8-18, Matalan

✢ Embellished Fairisle sweater, £28, 6-22, Next

✢ Yellow knit, £22.50, 8-24, Per Una at M&S

✢ Chevron pattern, £35, 8-24, Per Una at M&S

✢ Pink snowflake jumper, £35, 6-24, M&S Collection

✢ Roll-neck, £32, 8-22, M&Co

✢ Pink stripe jumper, £17, 6-22, F&F at Tesco

✢ Roll-neck, £7, 8-18, Matalan

✢ Aubergine supersoft jumper, £15, 8-22, Bhs

STOCKISTS: Bhs 0344 411 6000 www.bhs. co.uk; Bonmarché 0330 026 2728 www. bonmarche.co.uk; Debenhams 0344 561 6161 www.debenhams.com; Evans 0344 984 0262 www.evans.co.uk; F&F at Tesco 0800 323 4050 www.clothingattesco.com; George at Asda 0800 952 0101 www.asda.com/ George; M&Co 0800 031 7200 www.mandco. com; Marks & Spencer 0333 014 8000 www. marksandspencer.com; Matalan 0333 004 4444 www.matalan.co.uk; Next 0333 777 8000 www.next.co.uk.

Details correct at time of going to print

✢ Tuck-stitch turtleneck, £20, xs-xl, Bonmarché

✢ Asymmetric pattern, £32, 6-22, Next

✢ Petite grey flower jumper, £25, 8-20, Bhs

✢ NEXT ISSUE Brrr! Cold weather style buys YOURS

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PHOTOGRAPHY RUTH JENKINSON; STYLIST JO WINCH; HAIR AND MAKE-UP SARAH JANE GREEN

GREAT FOR LAYERING

Style Last minute BEAUTY BUYS notes

Still searching for the perfect gift? Relax we’ve found it for you! By Beauty Editor, Michelle Nightingale 1 3 5

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8 1 The Anti-Ageing Beauty Bible, by Josephine Fairley & Sarah Stacey, published by Kyle Books, £16.99 2 Limited Collection 3 Mini Lip Gloss Collection £10, Marks & Spencer 3 Radiant Moment for normal/dry skin includes Pro-Radiance Cream Cleanser Special Edition (30ml), Hydra-Boost Day Cream (50ml), Hydra-Nourish Night Cream (20ml) and Fruit Active Rejuvenating Mask (15ml) £39.90, Elemis 4 Vintage & Co Mini Hand Care Set with hand cream (30ml), hand wash (30ml), hand soak (30g) and hand balm (9g) £7, Heathcote & Ivory 5 Because You’re Bold gift set containing Extra-Body Daily Shampoo (300ml), ExtraBody Daily Rinse (300ml) and Extra Body Daily Boost (250ml) £30, Paul Mitchell 6 Vintage & Co Soap Flowers, £10, Heathcote & Ivory 7 Attraction for Her Eau De Parfum Spray £15/50ml, Avon

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8 Angel Miniatures Christmas Collection £29, containing three mini Angel EDP Iconic Stars (5ml each) and Angel EDT Comet (3ml), Thierry Mugler 9 Huile Mirific Gold, a 2-in-1 nourishing dry oil that can be used on the skin and hair, giving a lovely fragrance and subtle sheen £30.25/50ml, Guinot 10 STOCKING FILLER…Quick Dry Nail Colour in Teal Tinsel and Rainbow Sparkle £1 each, Poundland 11 Planet Spa Body Butter Jar £8, Avon 12 ENRICHED WITH VITAMIN E…Supersoft blusher £1, Poundland 13 Perfect Eyes gift set £21.50, includes Wonder Perfect Mascara (7ml), Instant

Smooth Perfecting Touch (4ml) and Instant Eye Make-Up Remover (30ml), Clarins 14 Ted Baker Mini Pink Treasure Body Soufflé £4, Boots 15 Park Rose Cosmetic Roll Case £22, Cath Kidston 16 Café de Bain Cherry & Almond Frangipane Softening Shower Crème £2.99/250ml, Superdrug 17 Cracker Collection £10, contains Citrus Blush Enlivening mini body lotion (50ml), Citrus Blush Enlivening mini shower gel (50ml), Summer Dream Rewarding mini shower gel (50ml) and Heavenly Days Relaxing mini shower cream (50ml), Champney’s

Win the lot!

Visit www.yours. co.uk/beautyprize

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for a chance to win all of the goodies featured

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18 BEAUTY EDITOR LOVES… Limited Edition Frosted Rose Hand Therapy Cracker £5, Crabtree & Evelyn 19 Mavala Snow Blossom Nail Polish Set £12.50, Boots 20 Baylis & Harding Beauticology Home of Beauty contains Spiced Orange Body Wash (300ml), Frosted Cranberry Shower Crème (300ml), Toasted Marshmallow Body Butter (50ml) and Plum Pudding Body Butter (50ml) £18, Asda 21 Bubble Heaven Collection includes Summer Dream Rewarding Bubble Heaven (300ml), Cloud Nine Indulgent Bubble Heaven (300ml) & Heavenly Days Relaxing Bubble Heaven (300ml) £16, Champney’s 22 Painted Rose Bath & Body Gift Set £15, Cath Kidston

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23 No7 Star Bauble with Nail Varnish £6, Boots 24 Baylis & Harding Beauticology Couture Beautiful Bath Treats with Cashmere & Strawberry Shower Crème (50ml), Velvet Rose & Lace Body Butter (30ml) and White Diamonds & Vanilla Lip Butter (15ml) £5, Debenhams 25 Lip Balm Pill Box £15, Andrea Garland 26 QUIRKY GIFT… The Library of Fragrance Egg Nog and Christmas in New York Cologne, £13/30ml each 27 Facial Care Collection contains Rosemary & Sandalwood Moisturiser (30ml),

STOCKISTS: Andrea Garland www.andreagarland.co.uk; Asda 0800 952 0101 www. asda.com; Avon 0333 234 5678 www.avonshop.co.uk; Balance Me 0207 593 1070 www.balanceme.co.uk; Boots 0345 070 8090 www.boots. com; Cath Kidston 0845 026 2440 www.cathkidston.com; Clarins 01279 774 215 www. clarins.com; Champney’s available from Boots; Crabtree & Evelyn 0800 111 4406 www.crabtree-evelyn. co.uk; Debenhams 0344 561 6161 www.debenhams. com; Elemis 0117 316 1888 www.elemis.com; Green People 01403 740350 www.greenpeople.co.uk; Guinot 0800 590 094 www. feelunique.com; Heathcote & Ivory 0207 483 8383 www. heathcote-ivory.com; Marks & Spencer 0333 014 8000 www.marksandspencer. com; Paul Mitchell 0845 659 0012 www.paul-mitchell. co.uk; Poundland 0121 568 7000 www.poundland. co.uk; Superdrug 0345 671 0709 www.superdrug.com; The Library of Fragrance www.thelibraryoffragrance. com or Boots; The AntiAgeing Beauty Bible www. beautybible.com and bookshops nationwide; Thierry Mugler 01279 774240 www.mugler.co.uk

Calendula & Geranium Cleanser (30ml), Mandarin & Bergamot Face Scrub (30ml) £15.95, Green People (includes 30p donation to the Woodland Trust) 28 Limited Collection Hanging Nail Polish £4, Marks & Spencer 29 Happy Hands £6/30ml, Balance Me 30 No7 Instant Glamour Kit £20, Boots PIC: MAASTERFILE

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✢ NEXT ISSUE Relax and unwind this winter with our anti-ageing home spa tips YOURS

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✧ Meet our expert ✩

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Jay Diamond is a Wellness Coach.

For more information visit www.jaydiamond.net

e don’t all love Christmas and if your year hasn’t been a happy one, you may be dreading the festive season. Missing a loved one or worrying about family dramas could overshadow the joy. But with our tips and advice you might find your spirits lift, and you may even start to enjoy yourself.

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immerse yourself in simple pleasures, to stop seasonal pressures feeling too overwhelming.

“Focus on one small thing at the time and find as many positives about it as you can,” says Wellness Coach Jay Diamond. “For example, a glass of mulled wine; appreciate its scent, its sweet, spicy taste, enjoy its warmth against your hands and in your tummy.

Decide that for these few moments you’re going to focus on appreciating what’s right in front of you and forget about everything else.”

Enjoy the moment

Spread some joy

Whatever your reason for finding the festivities difficult, it can help to

Lift your own spirits by lifting someone else’s. “Offering to volunteer at a local

Bring back that

festive feeling

If Christmas isn’t your favourite time of the year, try these practical ways to get into the spirit of the season

By Lizzy Dening

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✦ hospice, homeless charity or animal shelter will help you meet new people and feel you’re making a difference,” says Jay. “If you aren’t able to volunteer, why not spread joy through smaller acts of kindness instead – help someone get on to a bus with their bags, give someone a pound for their shopping trolley or even just smile at someone who may not have received a smile all day.”

Get some company If you’re by yourself at Christmas, for whatever reason, and you want some company, consider taking a friend or neighbour’s dog for a stroll. Walking around a local park or some nearby

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IT’S NOT LIKE THE FILMS

countryside is a good way to lift your mood and there’s nothing better than calming canine companionship. If you don’t know a dog owner, the website www.borrowmydoggy.com can help pair you up with a local hound in need of some exercise.

Keeping your health in mind will help level out your mood over the festive season

“It can feel like there’s a huge pressure to have a perfect Christmas day, but don’t be misled,” says Jay. “Most people only tend to talk about the highlights of their day.”

If you’ve lost a loved one it can be especially hard. But the trick to surviving a difficult Christmas is not to put pressure on yourself.

“Think about what will make you happy,”

says Jay. “Only you know if you’d like to spend some time with family or friends, or if you’d rather spend some time alone – there’s no right or wrong answer.”

If it’s your first Christmas without a loved one you might want to go for a walk alone and spend some time talking to the person you’ve lost.

Or perhaps you’d

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rather share memories with family. If you’d rather just get away from everything, try sending a text, email or letter to friends and family explaining that it’s a difficult time for you and this year, you don’t want to talk about Christmas.

Finish with: ‘I’m sure you understand and can give me the space I need. I’ll be in touch soon.’”

Write a Christmas card… …to yourself. You may not feel like talking about why Christmas is making you feel low, but it might help to write your feelings down. Experts believe that writing down your thoughts when you’re feeling upset could help you feel less anxious and depressed. Write for as long as you need, asking yourself questions such as, “Why does this upset me so much?” or “How would I like things to be different?”

plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables and limiting the amount of highcalorie, sugary snacks you eat will help avoid sugar slumps and the low Look after yourself mood that can accompany them.

Even if it’s the last thing you feel like Keeping up your exercise – even if doing, keeping your health in mind it’s just a daily ten-minute walk, will will help level out your mood. Eating boost endorphins and balance out any festive indulgence, Avoid alcohol and Christmas when you Warring family members board games – both of haven’t seen one another do not a happy Christmas helping to prevent which can bring tensions much during the year, make. “Consider being weight gain. to the fore. Try a walk and are suddenly forced upfront and declaring a pre-Christmas truce,” says or perhaps watch a film together for an extended period. One resolution together instead.

Jay. “All resolve to keep that might be worth the peace and ask other Try to see each other ✢ If you need more often – family making could be family members someone to talk problems come for support.” seeing them more to over the festive frequently, Keep visits short – you to light at period and beyond, for shorter don’t have to stay for call the Samaritans periods. That the entire day – for free on means next there’s nothing 116 123 Christmas wrong with there’ll be less letting your pressure to family know spend days on that you’ll have end together, to leave at a ✢ NEXT ISSUE and hopefully specific time How to keep your you’ll get along because of car well in winter much better. other plans.”

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PICS: GETTY IMAGES, ALAMY, SHUTTERSTOCK

HAPPY FAMILIES

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RASPBERRY AND ROSE CHOCOLATE WAFERS If you can’t get hold of freeze-dried raspberries, use candied stem ginger, or a mixture of chopped dried fruit and nuts Makes: 24 Preparation time: 20 minutes

1. Line two large baking sheets with nonstick baking parchment.

2. Break the dark and white chocolate into pieces and melt separately in heatproof bowls set over pans of barely simmering water. Stir until smooth, remove from the heat and cool slightly.

3. Spoon heaped teaspoons of melted chocolate onto the prepared baking sheets, spreading the chocolate into discs (a palette knife would be good for this, or just use the back of a spoon).

4. Scatter with the raspberry, rose petals and rose chips, or just use sugar sprinkles.

5. Set aside to cool and harden completely before removing from the parchment with a spatula or a palette knife. Stored in an airtight container, these should keep for five days in cool place.

BUY THIS...

Package your sweets beautifully with these Mary Berry With Lakeland 4 Treat Bags and Labels £3.99/4 bags (two of each design) ✢ From Lakeland call 01539 488100, www.lakeland. co.uk

£3.99

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Stuck for present ideas? Here are some tasty treats you can make yourself

¥ 150g (5oz) best-quality dark chocolate (72 per cent cocoa solids) ¥ 150g (5oz) best-quality white chocolate ¥ 3-4 tbsp freeze-dried raspberries ¥ 3-4 tbsp crystallised rose petals ¥ 3-4 tbsp pink sugared rose chips or sugar sprinkles

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