Toxic Masculinity In The Gay Community

Rocky Walker

The gay community is one of the most accepting and open-minded group out there, but toxic masculinity has still seeped its way into this group of people.

Members of the gay community already face an onslaught of negative comments and connotations given to them by others, but now, there is unneeded judgement coming from within its own supposed safe space from ridicule.

A prime example is the widespread idea of ‘no fems’ which completely undermines and disrespects queer men who don’t meet the normal behavior of a typical straight man.

While some use the guise of this ‘masc4masc’ (masculine for masculine) idea as a preference, there is a big difference between preference and the judgement of someone with a different personality than your own. This judgement is toxic masculinity at its finest, disrespecting a large margin of your own community for their mannerisms and personality types.

This puts feminine people in the gay community in a box of being undesirable because traditionally masculine mannerisms and attitudes are the only ones that are deemed attractive.

Another example of this toxic ideology is the outright condemnation of drag and gender-bending activity. This condemnation is actually a backstep in the progression of acceptance of all members of the LGBT+ community.

Drag queens and trans women have always been on the frontlines of the battle for equality in the gay rights movement. These members of the LGBT+ community have contributed so much in the fight for gay rights, sometimes even being the loudest voices. Just look at the Stonewall riots, which is seen as the turning point of the gay rights movement.

With the condemnation of these people who do nothing but have a form of self-expression and art, there is an undermining of the efforts of those who have given their lives to gain the very rights the younger generations take for granted.

One of the key causes of toxic masculinity in the gay community is internalized homophobia. This internalized homophobia is typically due to the trauma of being judged for being LGBT+.

This judgement causes them to adhere to the beliefs that those who ridiculed them strongly instilled through relentless taunting. This adherence is caused by the person not wanting to face such abuse again, which in turn caused them to see effeminate men as weaker or less than and perpetuate the abuse themselves.

Sadly, like in many scenarios, a person’s defense mechanism is in itself toxic. This toxic defense mechanism has caused the individual to become that way also, rather than just protecting them from future emotional harm.

This maltreatment of gender stereotype nonconforming individuals makes many not want to do drag or come out about their trans identities, which could completely erase the next Marsha P. Johnson from fighting for the rights that are still taken away from the LGBT+ community.

Toxic masculinity is not just a belief pushed by heterosexual cisgendered men, which is the typical vision you see when thinking of toxic masculinity. It can be pushed by the gay man that no longer wants to be taunted, or just doesn’t want to deal with the diversity of other personality types.

While one may have a very good reason for believing in or enforcing these extreme gender norms, that does not make them okay.

The gay community has and will always be on the frontlines of the fight towards free expression to be whoever you want, but, to keep strong in the fight for freedom, we need to be united as a community. This chastisement of people who don’t conform to gender normative behaviors causes a rift in the gay community, which only weakens us as a whole.

While some in the gay community adhere to their toxic views of masculinity, they are already going against it by being queer.

Toxic masculinity is the abhorrent boxing of norms of gender and masculine behavior, which being gay doesn’t stick to, since it is the exact opposite of a heterosexual mans ‘normal’ behavior. Therefore, they are being hypocritical since they are inherently breaking the rules they’re enforcing.

Hopefully as time goes on, this toxic belief system will no longer be prevalent in the gay community so we can continue making great strides towards the equality and freedom we all want and deserve.