Behind The Walls

JuvenileHall

Editor's Note

The Moving Forward program has been in existence for five years now. We have worked in several different schools throughout Merced County but this cohort is our first one behind the walls of Iris Garrett Juvenile Justice Correctional Complex. This has by far been my most memorable cohort. The young men in this circle have acquired a great amount of wisdom and insight. The lessons we set out to teach are not new knowledge to them. They themselves have the El Joven Noble lesson in their DNA. All we do is set up the circle, provide the medicine, and trigger the genetic memory in them. The young people behind the walls here in Merced County and beyond are vessels of great information and when properly cultivated they are just as valuable as someone with a PhD.

My time facilitating a program in juvenile hall opened my eyes that they are not just a number. We discuss rehabilitation and how we are going to give the youth a second chance in society, but in reality we do not follow up once they exit the door. Giving them a voice through Palabra is teaching them there is an alternative to the way they present themselves, once they finish their program and are able to show society that they have a name not just a number or even worse a menace to society. We can say we are making a difference in these youths lives. Planting a seed with culture is enhancing their growth to become warriors not just soldiers without the ability to make their own decisions. Teaching them it is ok to say no to a command from another human to do wrong is the first step of freedom. Education through culture can give these youths foundation to know where they came from and how their people survived without violence and disrespect for others. Listening to these young men discuss life issues and the struggle they had to endure opened my eyes to what else needs to be taught, the drum, respect, Palabra, culture, and most important a sweat lodge would benefit the youth. Showing them another way to pray can open their hearts and minds to accept others around them.

For the love of our people not the hate of our enemies

With the utmost respect,

Chief Naiche Spiritual Advisor

By:

Jesse Ornelas

For years I could not get off a four block radius. My whole life was there. The homies, the drugs, the women. The ball & chain felt silky but I ended up having to cut my leg off to get free. Took me years to realize that I was stuck.

My Prison

My way of thinking had me moving like a grown ass child. I had the mentality of a 16 year old even though I was in my 30s. The yoke of being in a poverty mindset placed boulders & barriers in my river of life and I had to go through rough waters to flow into my manhood. I blamed everyone else for why my life was the way it was

My Prison

Anxiety & depression crippled my advancement as a man. Life felt too hard. The normalcy of life would cause me to panic. I was so used to being in bad situations that i didn't think life could be better.

My prison

Being a prisoner in my own mind felt like a jail sentence with no release date. When the gates of my mind it led me into uncharted territory. This new found freedom found from allowing me to heal allowed me to grow, to love, to be a warrior for my people.

I now have no more prisons.

What is Palabra?

Someone who keeps their word

They do not do anything to hurt themselves or others

They take responsibility for their actions

They are a positive example to others

Palabra Palabra

By: A.A By: A.A

Sin Palabra Sin Palabra

By: J.T By: J.T

OnethingIhavelearnedin OnethingIhavelearnedin tthisprogramisthatwhenI hisprogramisthatwhenI hurtothers,Ihurtmyself hurtothers,Ihurtmyself mentallybecausehurting mentallybecausehurting othersfornoreasonwillnot othersfornoreasonwillnot getmeanywhere. getmeanywhere.

Palabra Palabra

By: A.B By: A.B

Tome,palabrameanskeepyourword anddon'tletyourwordgetoutof hand.Palabrameansdon'tgetoutof pocket.Whateveryousayyou'regonna do,doitwithoutanyproblemsand sticktothechoicesyou'vemade.A wholebunchofthingsgothroughyour headwhenyouthinkaboutkeeping yourpalabratopeople.

By: N.R

Everybodygoesthroughsomethingnomatterwhoyouare, andnomatterhowtraumaticyoursituationisthereis alwayssomeoneintheworldwho’sbeenthroughworse.I wasonly13whenmymompassed,andyesthiswas traumaticforme.Whydwelloverourlosseswhenwecan overcomethemandbecomesomeonebetter.Whenmy momwasinthehospitalofcourseIwassad.ButIdidn’tlet thatgetthebestofmeinstead, IgavehermypalabrathatI wasgoingtobesomethinginlife.No,notjustsomebumon thestreet.Sotome,palabraisallapersonhasintheirlife. SonomatterwhatIamgoingtodo,anythingtokeepmy palabra,andyoushoulddothesame.

Palabra

WhenIthinkofpalabraI thinkofmymom.Ifeellike mymomispalabra becauseshealwayskeeps herwordonwhatshesays. Shetakesresponsibility forheractions.

By: A.C

Sin Palabra

I have learned that even though I am incarcerated and I am fighting these battles, so is my family. It hurts them even more to see me behind these walls than to be behind them. I can not make promises that I know I will violate, so one thing that I WILL NOT do is set myself up for failure.

By: T.T

I AM NOT A STEREOTYPE

Sterotype Sterotype

By: A.A By: A.A

IIhatestereotypes.Growingup hatestereotypes.Growingup peopleusedtoseemybrown peopleusedtoseemybrown skinandthinkI'muptonogood. skinandthinkI'muptonogood. They’dseemycurlyhairand They’dseemycurlyhairand tthinkI'manotherbrokedude hinkI'manotherbrokedude ffromthehood.Peoplecouldn't romthehood.Peoplecouldn't beanymorewrong.Igrewupina beanymorewrong.Igrewupina nicehouse,lovingfamilyand nicehouse,lovingfamilyand plentyofmoney.Nowthatitis plentyofmoney.Nowthatitis 2023peoplelikemydarkskin 2023peoplelikemydarkskin andcurlyhair.Soi'mgladthatit andcurlyhair.Soi'mgladthatit iiswhatitwas.Fucksterotypes. swhatitwas.Fucksterotypes.

Stereotypes Stereotypes

By: T.T

What are stereotypes? Stereotypes are judgingsomeone based off the color of their skin, how theylook, and or where theygrew upat. Even if you think you're not a person that stereotypes, secretlyyoujudge people in your mind. I would know because I do it, not on purpose but just out of reflex. I do not know how to explain it but ever since I was a little kid I would judge people in my mind without even knowingthat I am.

I AM MY CULTURE AND MY CULTURE IS ME

Cultura

By: T.T

WhatIloveaboutmycultureisthatitisoneofa kind.PeopleallovertheworldloveMexican cultureandIlikethatweareadmired.I'mproud ofmypeople,wherewecomefrom,andour struggle.Ifthereain’tstruggleitain’talifeworth living.

My Culture My Culture

By: D.E By: D.E

WhatIloveaboutmycultureisthatwe WhatIloveaboutmycultureisthatwe workasateamandneverbelittleone workasateamandneverbelittleone another. another.

Wewillalwayskeeppushingandnever Wewillalwayskeeppushingandnever lookbackonstruggledtimes. lookbackonstruggledtimes.

EL OTRO YO

A.H A.H

By: A.A By: A.A

Shoutouttoyoumom,forbeing Shoutouttoyoumom,forbeing mybestfriend,19yearsstrong. mybestfriend,19yearsstrong. Youalwayshavemybestinterest. Youalwayshavemybestinterest. Youneverputmedown,youonly Youneverputmedown,youonly buildmeup.Youtaughtmethat buildmeup.Youtaughtmethat thesky'sthelimit.Rightorwrong thesky'sthelimit.Rightorwrong ,thickorthin,itdoesn'tmatter, ,thickorthin,itdoesn'tmatter, you'realwaysbymyside.Ifit you'realwaysbymyside.Ifit wasn'tforyouIwouldn'tbeme. wasn'tforyouIwouldn'tbeme. Sothankyouforeverythingmom, Sothankyouforeverythingmom, Iloveyouforever. Iloveyouforever.

Friendship

By: A.C

I learned today about friendship. Who is my closest friend and why? I am very close to my cuz. Why? Because he is very loyal to me, and he is there for me whenever I am feeling down or need someone to talk to.

Future Partner Future Partner

By: A.C By: A.C

I would like my future I would like my future woman to be independent woman to be independent so she doesn't have to so she doesn't have to count on anyone else. Also, count on anyone else. Also, I want her to be faithful. I want her to be faithful. Lastly, I want her to be Lastly, I want her to be educated because I do not educated because I do not want a dumb wife. want a dumb wife.

El Otro Yo

By: T.T

Three characteristics that I want in a woman are a good personality, support, and being well-maintained.

The reason why I pick these is because that's how my mom is and she is the most caring woman I know and I want someone like her. She has also never left my side from day 1, even after the dumb shit I've done.

WHAT MAKES A NOBLE PERSON?

Noble

By: T.T

One of the biggest things that stuck with me during the program was being a man of your word. The reason for this is because in jail, all you have is your balls and your word. To me if you don’t have any of these, you’re not a man. This program has also showed me to identify if someone is good for you or bad, such as toxic traits and positive things in a person. A positive trait I want in someone is to be supportive, especially because of the life i’ve lived, I need mental support. The one reason I know I want this is because of this program. They showed me a new perspective to everything.

Being a Warrior Being a Warrior

What comes to my mind when I What comes to my mind when I think of a warrior is someone think of a warrior is someone who is a man/woman of their who is a man/woman of their word. Someone who protects word. Someone who protects their family. Some famous their family. Some famous warriors from the past are Rosa warriors from the past are Rosa Parks, MLK, and George Parks, MLK, and George Washington. I picked those three Washington. I picked those three because they stood up for what because they stood up for what was right. was right.

By: A.C

OUR STORIES

Merced County Juvi Hall

By: A.B

I've been locked up since Summer 2022. I woke up with cops swarming my grandma's house and destroying it. I got into the hall hours later and got charged for some dumb shit. When I first got to my room I then started thinking about stuff, two months later I started to relax and just have fun and make the best out of it. I thank my mom and my primo for supporting me throughout the year and I am thankful for the people that I met here. We all have our mistakes but that's where we learn from them . We learn to move smarter and bettering our mentality. I loved the hall to be honest. I made a couple memories that I am not going to forget.

Heartlesswaswhateveryonenamed Heartlesswaswhateveryonenamed me.Didanyoneeverevencare?It’slike me.Didanyoneeverevencare?It’slike everyonehadforgottenaboutme. everyonehadforgottenaboutme. That’swhenIbecamewhattheycalled That’swhenIbecamewhattheycalled me.Ilearnedhowtostopcaring me.Ilearnedhowtostopcaring withoutanydistractions,Ifocusedon withoutanydistractions,Ifocusedon myfuture.Inconclusion,allmy myfuture.Inconclusion,allmy experiencesmademethepersonIam experiencesmademethepersonIam ttoday.IfIwasneverincarcerated,I oday.IfIwasneverincarcerated,I wouldbedead.Stuckinmyoldways. wouldbedead.Stuckinmyoldways.

By: J.B By: J.B

My Life Story My Life Story

By: N.R By: N.R

EventhoughI’mayoungmanmylifehasbeenarollercoaster.

EventhoughI’mayoungmanmylifehasbeenarollercoaster. Mychildhoodwasn’tpictureperfectlikeeveryoneelsemyage. Mychildhoodwasn’tpictureperfectlikeeveryoneelsemyage.

It’sbeenalilcrazy,whenIwassmallIwasaroundalotoftrauma

It’sbeenalilcrazy,whenIwassmallIwasaroundalotoftrauma andbadinfluences,andthiscontinuesintomyteenageyears. andbadinfluences,andthiscontinuesintomyteenageyears.

ThroughoutthisstoryIwilldescribemylife.FirstthingIsawthat

ThroughoutthisstoryIwilldescribemylife.FirstthingIsawthat wasshockingwasseeingallmyclosefamilymemberspassing wasshockingwasseeingallmyclosefamilymemberspassing awayfromganglife.Mymomwouldbringindifferentmeninto awayfromganglife.Mymomwouldbringindifferentmeninto thehouseandthistrulydisturbedme,itcausedmetorebelat thehouseandthistrulydisturbedme,itcausedmetorebelat times.Shootingshappenedinfrontofmyhousefrequently. times.Shootingshappenedinfrontofmyhousefrequently.

Seeingallthisviolenceandtraumahasdistortedandblindedmy

Seeingallthisviolenceandtraumahasdistortedandblindedmy outlookonmylife.Experiencingallthisdestructionandturmoil outlookonmylife.Experiencingallthisdestructionandturmoil hasmythoughtspuzzledforwhichdirectionIwanttogoinlife. hasmythoughtspuzzledforwhichdirectionIwanttogoinlife. AllthisangerbuiltupinmehasmethinkingIwannadobadbut

AllthisangerbuiltupinmehasmethinkingIwannadobadbut deepdowninmyheartIcandogoodformyself.Iknowthere’s deepdowninmyheartIcandogoodformyself.Iknowthere’s peoplegoingthroughworsethanme.Ineedtostopmaking peoplegoingthroughworsethanme.Ineedtostopmaking excusesanddigmywayoutofit.Inconclusion,it’smylife,I excusesanddigmywayoutofit.Inconclusion,it’smylife,I controlmydestiny. controlmydestiny.

Manhood

By: M.T

“A man is he who takes care of his business and his family. You have to be a man before you can try to be anything else.”

By:J.B

REGALOS

Regalos

Intoday’slesson,wehadtotalk aboutsomethingwearegratefulfor IamgratefultobewhereIamtoday. Eventhough,duetomy circumstancesIamincarcerated.I feelthiswaybecauseIhavefinally graduatedhighschool,notjustthat butIfinishedayearearly. Unfortunately,Icamefroma problematichome.Igrewuponthe SouthSideofMerced.Ihatedbeing home.MybrotherandIwould alwayswatchourparentsfight. Violencebecamenormal.Everyone inmylifedidn’tknowhowtoexpress theiremotions.Eventually,Istarted gettinginvolvedingangs.EveryoneI grewupwithwasalreadyinone. SinceIwas12yearsold,Ilookedup topeoplebeinglockedup.Iwanted tospendtherestofmylifeinsideof acell.Sadly,kidslookuptothese peoplebecausetheywanttobe heardandhavepower,money,and respect.WhenIwas13,Igotagirl pregnant.Mysonwasbornin2020, butthatdidn’tstopmefromtrying tohurtpeople

Regalos

By: T.T

Iappreciatethingsinlife,eventhelittle things,becauseinthislifenothingiscertain, notevenlifeitself. Mymomalwaystoldmetobegrateful becauseonedayshewillnot beonthesame planetasme.Iamthankfulandappreciate everythingshehasdoneeventhebad becausenooneisperfect.Ilovemymomso muchIwillgothroughhellandbackliterally. Fortunatelysheneverfolded,orfumbled,or bentunderpressure. ShekeptitlikeaBenjaminFranklin100!!! ForyouIstrivetobettermyself.

WHAT I WALK AWAY WITH

The Drum

By: A.C

I learned today about the drum, that the drum is our mother's heartbeat and if we hit the drum hard that's how much anger we have for our mother and I learned like two songs.

By: A.C Drum

I think bringing the drum was really thoughtful of you guys, to know the meaning of it really surprised me. I never knew it was covered in elk skin. To know you guys only bring it out once a year is really cool, and that you brought it out for us was really cool.

My Motivation

By: A.G

Althoughthetimethat I’mfacingseparatedus inanegativeway,you stillmanagedtobe thatpositiveinfluence inmylife.Through trialsandtribulations, youstayedclosewhile “Friends”movedon. You’reatruefriend. Nottomentionmy backbone.Istandtall foryouandkeepa strongmilitant mindset.Ipromisedto bettermyself.You havemypalabra. Anythingtoputasmile onyourfacemama.

Community Violence Community Violence

By: A.C By: A.C

What I can do to make people feel safe What I can do to make people feel safe around me is show them that they can around me is show them that they can trust me. I think violence affects trust me. I think violence affects children as they grow up because they children as they grow up because they see it growing up so they either grow see it growing up so they either grow up and they are violent or they grow up and they are violent or they grow up and want to move away from their up and want to move away from their hometown. Being a victim of violence hometown. Being a victim of violence it will affect them because they will it will affect them because they will have a hard time trusting people and have a hard time trusting people and constantly looking over their shoulder. constantly looking over their shoulder.

By: T.R

Somethingthatcaughtmyattentioninthisclass wasthedrum.Yousaiditrepresentsourmother's heartbeatandIreallyfeltthedrumwhilesome peoplewerehittingithard,whichmeanstheydon't feelit.ItreallytookamomenttothinkasIwas hittingthedrumtorealizetheblessingsinmylife andhowmuchmymommeanstome.Shetookme inasafosterchildwhenIwas6andadoptedmea fewyearslater.AsIgotolderIstartedbeing disobedientanddoingwhatIwantedtodo,getting introublewiththelaw,doingdrugs,etc. ThedrumhelpedmerealizethatIneedtocherish thegoodthingsinlifeandthatIdon'thaveforever withmymom.Ineedtobegoodtoherandmyself whileherheartbeatisstillgoing.

Things I Learned

By: D.E

“It’sokaytoslipbutneverslide!”

“It’sokaytofall,butneverfallbackwards”

“Chinup,chestout,neverlookbackonstruggledtimes.”

Ilearnedthata warriorprotects thewoman nation. Thatourwarriors wererootedin love Thatatsundance ceremonymen pierce themselvesfor themothersfor givingbirthtous.

Advice for Change

By: J.T

Don’tlookateverythingelse,lookatyourselfand howyoucanimproveyourselftothepointnothing bothersyou.Towhereyou’reunbotheredandlife doesn’taffectyoulikeitdidbefore.Changingyour perceptioncanchangetheworldaroundyou,it’sthe smallthingswedon’tappreciate.Tobetteryourself andappreciateeverythingyouneedtobeanalytical. Youstarttoobservetheworldinadifferentwayand gainanewperspectiveonlife.Howyoutakenew approachestolifewilldeterminethewayyou perceivetheworld.