YARD DIARY <3

Ella Newton

I w ish they w ould privat ize the library already I w ould pay the entry fe e at the door and w alk in w earing my alligator skin boots and pin straight hair, moi sture leaking from my lip s.

There w ould be handcuff s for sale and posters adorning L in da for sale everything's for sale.

The whole ordeal w ill star t because my precious da ughter w ill do a "what I w ant to be when I grow up" projec t w e w ill buy stickers and glitter glue for the poster (her first lesson in advert ising) and what she w ants to be when she grow s up, of course, is cEO of the lib rary!

After the presentation, all the boys w ill be mean to her for they all w ill have a cr ush on her every single boy in the cl ass, w ill have a crush on her, can you believe it?

Her father and I are so pr oud!

That's what boys do whe n they like you, you know ?

They are mean to you, th ey strip you and they sq ueal like pigs and they screech lik e hyenas and they pull up your skirt to get a peek, don't w orry, I'll teach he r that lesson young.

I'll teach her that when the boys act like wolves it just means they like her.

Everyone w ill be proud of her forever and she'll have platinum albums on her w alls and skin-tight latex suits hidden in the back of her closet and she'll drive a Tesla and she'll w alk around w ith a headset that is fashioned around her ear w ith a microphone that hangs next to her open mouth.

I can't w ait for her first ayahuasca retreat I can't w ait for her first property acquisition in Joshua Tree I can't w ait for her first government bail out My sw eet, sw eet L inda!

Promise mommy you'll only eat one meal a day and in return, L inda, I promise I'll part all of my maternal w isdom unto you like when you're jealous of somebody find a reason why their success is less meaningful than yours project your jealousy like good, sw eet girls do.

Make mommy proud

Privatize the library!

I looked into the map, all scaled down and topographic; I follow ed the Hudson River w ith my finger. I started in New York City, where the whole world seems to begin. The Hudson w inds and w inds and w inds through the upstate, bristling by Great American Cities: Poughkeepsie, Coxsackie, Mechanicville, Riparius.

You'll never believe where it ends- or maybe you'll believe quite easily, no convincing needed at all. The Hudson, the most important river east of the Mississippi, ends (or begins) at Henderson Lake, outside of Newcomb, NY. Maybe an unremarkable place, relative to the path and pop culture of the mighty Hudson River. Maybe visible, distant on a clear day, from Algonquin P eak, or from Santonini P eak, or from the great heavens, where some Abrahamic God & a Christ & their likely little angels roost and judge an endless queue of human souls.

Maybe they judge the animal souls too, since humans comprise simply one slivered slice in the animal kingdom pie. Would plants, fungi, algae, extra-terrestrial life, single-celled prokaryotes, sentient computer programs, or the voices in our heads qualify for judgement day?

Does the Most High, in all his infinite and overwhelming glory, hold in his Mighty Hand the eternal fate of spongy spanish moss draped from the limbs of the cypress? The fates of the fabled Hounds of Baskerville? of figurines carved from rare earth minerals? of the millions of buffalo slain through all the American w est? of dormant slugs? of protozoa? of barnacles scraped from the old boards of the Ship of Theseus?

ELLA NEWTON

D R A Y Y R A DI