Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa September 2023

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September is upon us already, I don’t know how in the hell we got to here this year already, but it is undeniable. Time just always seems to keep passing faster and faster. Don’t get me wrong, I love the month of September! It is the month of my birth, and I turn 52 this year, so pretty stoked about being able to add another year on this earth. September is also an awesome month to ride in with a little milder temperature, changing countryside scenery, and lower chances of the nasty weather and heavy rain and storms. It is nice to be able to throw on some leathers and enjoy the cooler morning air as well as some lower humidity evenings to put on some miles. Make sure that you do so as well before the fall weather rapidly turns to winter and then we are very limited on riding until the spring.

I am trying to figure out when I can do my annual birthday time Iron Butt ride. Time seems to keep getting more scarce, and this year is no different. I may have to just do it on a Monday or something, but looking forward to getting that ride time in again this year. I really enjoy doing rides like this and trying to beat my previous times. I enjoy trying to hit the fuel stops quicker, to get in and out of the gas station in minutes. Hitting the 1,000 mile mark in a day of riding to me is just sort of rewarding, and a challenge of perseverance. Man and machine versus the highway, versus the clock, versus the other vehicles on the road, and even a challenge of trying to ride better, more safely than in the past, and be able to keep getting better over time. The best part about doing the long ride is the time I get to hang out in my own head and enjoy the therapy of two wheels. That simply doesn’t get to happen

the Cover

Tanya graces the cover of this ninth issue this year with Matt’s 2014 Limited. The location seemed to be the perfect spot at an abondoned grain elevator with no prying eyes. Worked out well for the images that Tanya was more than happy to dress for!

enough, so I always look forward to my September high mileage day. Will just have to see where the ride this year takes me.

As the 2023 riding season is starting to wind down, the event listing is starting to get a little bit slim. Many of the events of this riding season are in the rear view mirror and only memories at this point. We need your help though to start to populate the Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa 2024 events listing. We have a few on this list for next year, but we know many people plan things way ahead in this day and age. If you are hosting, or know of an event for 2024, please email the event date, name of event, and starting location town to Vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com. Then I can get it added to the printed list in the magazine every month, as well as posting on the Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa Facebook Page the first of every week. We appreciate the input from everyone all across the state!

If you are reading this Letter from the Editor, thank you from the bottom of my heart. We have worked hard over the years to be good people, publish a good magazine, and be a source of information for people in the motorcycle industry in Iowa. I thank you for reading. I thank you for supporting us. I thank you for sponsoring the magazine. I thank you for being a part of our world that will live on forever even long after we are gone. We have no plans of going anywhere in the foreseeable future, but wanted to pass on a note of gratitude for those that have always been in our corner helping build this thing. TRMI Forever! Thanks again!

Vernon Schwarte

Proud Editor/Owner Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa

Owner Thunder Gun and Thunder Guns West IMDA Board Member

MRF

Assistant State Rep COC Liaison

NCOIR

State of Iowa Representative

vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com

Quote of the Month: “When Americans lend a hand to one another, nothing is impossible. We’re not about what happened on 9/11. We’re about what happened on 9/12.”

Jeff Parness

We had the pleasure to ride to Anamosa the other day and get one last visit in to the National Motorcycle Museum before its upcoming closing and auction after Labor Day. We hadn’t visited it in a while and time was quickly running out. I guess I kind of took it for granted that it would always be there. Unfortunately, some of the displays were already gone and the price of admission had been jacked up since our last visit but it was still a worthwhile trip to see things that will not be on display again, or at least not so accessible to us. It was a time to relive and appreciate the past. John Parham had a huge influence on us all in the motorcycling world, not just on those of us who were local. It’s sad like so many things in life, to see this end of an era. Like we’ve always told the kids, “Enjoy what you have while you have it because in this life things will change.”

I know that by the time this edition of the magazine hits the street, Sturgis 2023 will be in the bag and the season will be quickly winding down. But for us at this moment, the craziness, preparations and anticipation are in full swing. Lists of items to do and things to accomplish grow like political phone calls before an election. I finally came to the realization after several people asked how things were going that I spend and waste more time distracted and chasing things that are broken than I do checking items off the to-do list. One buddy suggested that maybe we needed gremlin bells attached to the cars, lawnmowers, appliances etc... on and on.

It got me thinking about how that’s the way we deal with many things, how superstitious we are and the way we try to manipulate and cope with the crazy culture that we live in. King Solomon said many years ago that there was nothing new under the sun. I don’t think he was referring to computers, cars or techno junk but man’s desires, attempts and struggles to fill that God-sized hole in our hearts; how we look to things and make up things to deal with every day life. We were created for fellowship with God and a desire for Him but when we turn from him there is always something there waiting to rush in and try to fill the vacuum. We look to things and even make up things that become “little gods” that vie for dominance in our lives, just as Lucifer thought he would take matters into his own hands and tried ascend to prominence.

America’s turning from God made room for all the other evil to come in, which fights tooth and nail for preeminence in our world. In the 60’s we saw the removal of prayer from the schools, the sexual revolution and then the removal of God from the public square or society as a whole. Since then, it has been an insidious slide into a culture of irrational craziness as anything goes and nothing is off limits; the fences are down and the asylum inmates are in charge. Satan tries to drive God out and we end up with progressive spiritual amnesia, forgetting and then rewriting the history of our “one nation under God” foundation. Removing the Ten Commandments lets everyone make up their own truths that then come rushing in to fill that hole. When that happens, everything can become a god. Wokeness, political correctness, transgenderism, climate religion, sacrificing our children (which is what abortion is) - you get the picture. It’s all a spiritual attack, an attack on the family and our Christian heritage which, when not put in check, sets all those things in motion. Jonathan Cahn, a Messianic Jew and rabbi, wrote about this slide from Biblical values and

the warnings about what happens to a society who turns their backs on God and the things that will return and try then to possess that society. Look at Russia and Germany and what happened when they abandoned their Christianity. Chaos, death and unimaginable destruction. It’s interesting how the children always play such a huge part. Evil is always after them to either change or destroy them.

The good news is that we are not without hope. In fact, “gospel” means good news. The coming of the gospel to any area has stopped child sacrifices throughout history and when the gospel was embraced, evil was cast out. Scripture says not to let anyone lead you astray but to test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world. By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, and every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God. Isaiah 45:5 says, “I am the Lord, and there is no other, besides me there is no God.” The answer has always been the same for each generation and culture: repentance, turning to God and to the name of Jesus which heals and restores - not gremlin bells, politicians or any other cheap substitute.

P.S. If you have the opportunity to go see the movie Jesus Revolution, it’s very worthwhile. Any of us that lived through the 60’s will remember the rise of the countercounter culture and the hippies coming to Jesus.

Blessings, Mark

Mark and Karla Cornick are with the Christian Motorcyclists Association. Find out more about CMA and God’s plan for you at www.cmausa.org

The Biker Friendly Business Directory is a list of establishments throughout Iowa that sponsor the magazine. You can pick up your copy here every month. Let them know that you saw them in TRMI. If your business would like to advertise in Thunder Roads Iowa Biker Friendly Business Listing and become a part of the network, please email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com

Biker Accessories

Crispy’s Biker Apparel

Cedar Rapids, Iowa

Find Us On Facebook

Dirty Biker Design

122 S. John Wayne Drive Winterset, Iowa 50273

www.DirtyBikerDesign.com

515-444-9050

Dealers

Baxter Cycle 311 4th Street

Marne, Iowa 51552

712-781-2351

www.baxtercycle.com

Big Barn Harley-Davidson 81 NW 49th Place Des Moines, Iowa 50313

515-265-4444

www.bigbarnhd.net

Edwards Motorsports and RV’s 1010 34th Avenue Council Bluffs, Iowa 51501

712-366-8400

fullthrottleia.com

Harley-Davidson of Carroll 1327 Plaza Dr Carroll, Iowa 712-792-1610

www.carrollcycle.com

Harley-Davidson of Mason City

706 South Federal Avenue

Mason City, IA 50401 641-423-6007

Harleyofmasoncity.com

Heartland Harley-Davidson

117 S Roosevelt Ave Burlington, IA 52601 319-754-1100

www.heartlandhd.com

Indian Motorcycle of Mason City

Mason City Powersports

12499 265th Street Mason City 641-423-3181

Masoncitypowersportsinc.com

Metro Harley-Davidson

2415 Westdale Drive SW Cedar Rapids, Iowa 52404 319-362-9496

www.metro-motorsports.com

Route 65 Harley-Davidson

1300 S Jefferson Way Indianola, Iowa 50125

515.962.2160

www.route65hd.net

Storm Lake Honda

3040 Expansion Blvd

Storm Lake, Iowa 50588

StormLakeHonda.com

712-732-2460

Entertainment

Book Em Dano’s

33 S Main Street

Denison, Iowa 51442

712-263-9818 Mon-Sat 4-2

Dancers Nightly 5-1:30

Okoboji Classic Cars Museum and Restoration Shop

810 Jeppeson Road

West Okoboji, Iowa 51351

712-332-8029

Food and Drink (Popular Poker & Fun Run Locations)

Ambro’s Roadhouse

917 Guthrie St De Soto, Iowa 50069 515-468-2236

Great Food!

Ambro’s Roadhouse on Facebook

American Legion Post 111 1101 W 4th Street S Newton 641-792-3353

Open to the Public 7 Days a Week

Newtonamericanlegion111.org

Barrel Smoke BBQ & Catering 109 N Main Street Templeton, Iowa 51463

Tues – Sat Open at 4 PM

Barrel Smoke BBQ on Facebook

Bud’s Bar & Grill 114 Oak St Morehead, IA 712-886-5359

GOOD FOOD

7 Days a Week 11-Close

Bloodline Irish Pub 214 Public Square Greenfield, Iowa 50849

Bloodline Irish Pub on Facebook

Catfish Charlie’s On the Mississippi River

1630 E. 16th Street Dubuque, IA 52001 (563)582-8600

www.CatfishCharliesDubuque.com

Chili Dawg’s Foods of Fire 1940 Blair Ridge Road Blair, NE 68008

www.chilidawgs.com

Retail/Online Spice and Seasoning Store

Desperados 105 E 5th Street Atlantic 712-243-7087

Home of Cold Beer, Good Times, Pizza & Wings

Firehouse Bar 1211 5th Street

Downtown Sioux City, IA 712-224-1020

Open Daily at 12:00

Flaming Office 201 W High Street Toledo 641-484-2255

Outdoor Patio, Happy Hour 5-7 Flaming Office on Facebook & Google

Goozman’s Westside Bar & Grill 1019 7th St Harlan, Iowa 712-755-2259

Goozman’s Westside on Facebook

Haverhill Social Club 202 1st Street Haverhill, Iowa 50120 641-475-3321

Closed Mon-Tues, 4-Midnite Wed-Thur-Fri, 10-Midnight Sat, 11-Midnight Sunday

Iowa Legendary Rye 707 N Main Street Carroll, Iowa 51401 Iowalegendaryrye.com

Jake’s Station 107 West HWY 59 Hancock, Iowa 51536 712-741-BEER

Like Our Page Jakes Station on Facebook

J.R. Willie’s Gateway to the Beautiful Hill Country Colesburg, IA 563-856-5095

Open Daily Mon-Sun 11AM

Home of the Willie Whopper

Johnie’s Tap 112 NE 2nd Street Stuart, Iowa 50250 515-523-1146

Find Us on Facebook

Just 1 More 515-570-4206

641-757-0159

309 Railway Jamaica, Iowa 50128

Level B – Bar & Grill

805 6th Street

Manning, Iowa 51455

712-655-9200

Level B on Facebook

McCanns Tap NE 14th & 54th Des Moines, Iowa 50313

Bike Parking

M-F 2:00-2 S-S 11:00-Close

Mi Casa Family Restaurant 512 Market Street Harlan, Iowa 51537

712-755-2258

Enjoy Drinks at the Full Bar!

Midway Tavern 206 1st Street Soldier, Iowa

712-884-2230

www.midwaytavernsoldier.com

Montgomery Street Pub 207 East Montgomery Street Creston, Iowa 50801

641-782-2165

Papa Joe’s 117 South 6th Street Missouri Valley, Iowa 51555

712-642-9015

Pearl Street Social Club 110 Pearl Street SW Shellsburg, Iowa 52332

319-436-7100

Find Us On Facebook!

Riverside Tavern 450 E Main St Lehigh, Iowa 50557

515-359-9998

Email:riversidetap@gmail.com

Shootout Saloon

3571 310th St Dexter

1 Mile West of Bonnie & Clyde Shootout 712-249-0041

Secluded Bar in the Woods

Sidetracked

206 West Union Street

Creston, Iowa 50801

641-782-8534

Stumpy’s Bar & Grill

423 Main Street

Duncombe, Iowa 50532

515-543-4222

Stumpy’s Bar & Grill on Facebook

The Dog House 402 Main Street Colo, Iowa 50056-7720

Open 1st and 3rd Saturdays 641-485-8425

The Exchange 171 S Elm Street Avoca, Iowa 51521 712-343-2609

Lang’s Pizza, Cold Beer, Sports

The Yankee Clipper 312 SW Maple St Ankeny, Ia 50023

515-964-9484

yankeeclipperbar.com

VFW Post 9662 Bar and Grill

1309 NE 66th Ave Des Moines

515 - 289 - 9914 and Facebook

Vic’s Main Tap

304 Broadway

Audubon, Iowa 50025

712-563-2122

Opens M-F 2-Close, Sat 9-Close, Sun 2-Close

Wilson’s Tap and Recreation

1008 Story Street Boone, Iowa 50036/ 515-433-1395

Guns and Ammo

Thunder Guns West 1101 Chatburn Ave STE 103 Harlan, Iowa 51537

712-235-2632

Find us on Facebook

Hobbies & Collectibles

Treasure Island Diecast/Facebook

Hot Wheels, M2, Matchbox, Jada Ertl, Lightning, Harley, Maisto Buy-Sell-Trade

641-521-8036 rayaustinhd@gmail.com www.treasureislanddiecast.com

Insurance & Financial

O’Malley Wealth Mgmt. 5623 NW 86th Street Suite 400 Johnston, Iowa 50131 515-490-0930

State Farm

Clark Ahrenholtz, Agent 2114 12th Street Harlan, Iowa 712-755-5724

Clark.ahrenholtz.jb69@statefarm.com

Legal

Hupy and Abraham sc, pc Lawyers for Bikers

800.800.5678

Hupy.com

TheBikerLawyers.com

The Biker Lawyers, P.C. Riding & Defending Your Rights for Over 30 Years 877-209-9452

Photo and Art

Ullrich Photography PO Box 1842 Clinton, Iowa 52733 563-243-8715

www.natanic.com

Shops & Fabricators

BS & Bikes 300 E 17th St S Suite 700 Newton, IA 50208 641-521-8448

Find us on Facebook

Butterfield’s M.C. Parts 8025 Blondo Street Omaha, NE 68134 402-391-3768

Chuck’s Cycle Service and Repair

S&S and Drag Specialties Dealer 307 E 5th StreetWashington, Iowa52353 319-461-5278

Cycle Clinic 2209 ML King Pkwy Des Moines, Iowa 50314 cycleclinicdm.com 515-288-6954

F & J Racing 701 N 3rd Ave

Marshalltown, Iowa 50158 641-752-8651

www.fandjracing.com

Mean Machine Cycles

Elkhart, Iowa 50073

Custom & Full-Service HD Repair

Mon-Fri 9-6, Sat by appt only 515-367-7336

Shops & Fabricators CONT

Motorcycle Medic 3176 Highway 30 Woodbine, Iowa 51579

712-647-2818

Open Tues-Fri 9-6, Sat 8-12

Nelson Machine & Forge General Machining, Ornamental Iron, Weld/Fab 70 Washington Street Marne, Iowa 51552 712-781-2220

Road Rage BikeWorks 401 High Street Avoca, Iowa 51521 712-307-6111

Road Rage BikeWorks on Facebook

Steffens Cycle and Detailing 1311 E 7th Street Atlantic, Iowa 50022 712-250-8493

steffenscycle@gmail.com

Thunder Road Cycles 4106 Rockingham Rd Davenport, Iowa 52802 563-323-3172

Thunder Road Cycles on Facebook

Tires

Sandbothe Firestone 1106 Main Street Griswold, Iowa 51535 712-778-2223

Sandbothe Firestone on Facebook

Trailers

Lacaeyse Trailer Sales 4192 HWY 146 Grinnell

Trailers & Truck Accessories 641-990-2674

www.lacaeysetrailers.com

not so USELESS RAMBLINGS not so USELESS RAMBLINGS

Divided We Fall

Do you remember September 12th, 2001? Do you remember those feelings we all had? The confusion, the sorrow, the loss, the devastation, the pain…but there was more. There was love for our neighbors and our country. There was pride in knowing our country withstood a massive attack and we all remembered that we are a strong community. Neighbor helping neighbor regardless of race, gender, creed, religion, etc. We didn’t care; in the days following 9/11 we were all Americans!

Last week my wife and I spent several days in central Indiana for a weekend car show. This show was an annual national show based around a single model of car. There were around 300 participants (limited field) that brought in friends and family. Many locals came around to enjoy the show. We all had a common interest on display at that show. We all carried a mutual respect for one another based on the one thing…that model of car.

When one of the show participants rolled in late Friday evening, he was having issues with his car. He had just driven his car for 4 1/2 hours to attend the show, but he seemed to be losing power. After some diagnostics, it was determined that he would need a new alternator. Over the course of the rest of the evening, part of Saturday morning, and a half dozen auto parts stores being called, an alternator was finally found in stock several miles away. However, during the search time, several people that had trailered their cars to the show gladly offered up their alternator so that this guy would be able to drive his car home on Sunday. None of them were concerned about taking their car apart. None were too concerned about getting it back. They all knew they’d take care of each other in the end. Not a single person cared about race, gender, creed, religion, etc.

Saturday evening there was a banquet at the Dallara IndyCar Factory in Speedway, Indiana that several of the car show participants attended. Heather and I thoroughly enjoyed the presentation, the speakers, the sneak peek into the inner workings of an Indy car, the history of Dallara, and even the catered dinner. We spent several hours enjoying the company of others that share our passion. Again, not a single person cared about race, gender, creed, religion, etc.

We headed back to our hotel about 10 p.m., after a stop at a boutique ice cream shop up the street from Dallara, and were making our way around a long sweeping curve. I happened to be behind a red minivan of some sort as we approached a traffic light controlled intersection. As we got closer, I switched to the outside lane and was waiting for the light.

The wife and I were making casual conversation and I was only half way paying attention to the cross traffic when I heard tires squeal on the pavement. I looked up just in time to see it happen… almost in slow motion. A small westbound sedan had plowed into the passenger’s side of a GMC Acadia that was attempting to turn north. The impact sent the GMC skidding toward the red minivan next to me, but it caught the raised concrete of the median, which sent it ass over tea kettle. I watched this whole thing happen in real time and I still can’t tell you if it went end over end or if it barrel rolled. Either way, the GMC ended up on its roof with its nose facing south about 10 feet behind the red minivan.

It wasn’t until later, when my mind was replaying the events that I realized that my absent minded decision to switch lanes shortly before the intersection had saved us from being smacked by this rolling shit show. There hadn’t been anyone occupying that space and the GMC had stopped rolling before it hit the car behind me. Several days later and I still find this intriguing.

Without even thinking about it, I threw the truck in park, was out the door, and made my way to the GMC. There were at least 6 others that did the exact same thing. All of us checking doors and calling to anyone inside. Thankfully a man responded that he needed help. Both driver side doors were damaged to the point of not opening. On the passenger’s side, myself and another man were able to force the doors open. The driver was able to free himself from the seatbelt and crawled out of the wreckage on his own. He said there were no other occupants, but I still had to see for myself. He attempted to walk away from his car, but damn near fell over.

At this point a woman comes up and starts giving the man instructions… “Sit down, do not lie down, keep talking to me. Sir, are you ok? Are you hurt? Can you move your arms? Does anyone have any water?”

There were several other people attending to the guy that had been driving the sedan. He was out of his car and sitting on the curb at the corner. He was alternating between looking over at the GMC and holding his head in his hands.

Now, as luck would have it, there just happened to be an ambulance service about 100 yards behind us on a frontage road. I don’t know if 911 had dispatched the service or if someone there had seen or heard the accident and just immediately responded, but they had two units and at least 4 EMTs on scene in almost no time at all. It was at this point I got completely out of the way and let them have the space to work.

In all of the confusion and chaos, my brain still picked up on the fact that all of the people that stepped up to help were from all different backgrounds… women, men, white, black, brown, etc. No one cared about any of that. We all came together to assist other human beings that needed help.

I look back on the events of the last decade and see all the division. I see all the hatred spewed back and forth. I see the destruction. I see it all around us day in and day out. I’m disgusted by the way we’ve been conditioned to treat each other. But then every once in a while I see a glimmer of hope. I see that we all aren’t really that bad. We still care for one another on a deeper level when we aren’t being subjected to voices of those that wish to keep us divided. I see what we can accomplish when we come together as a people with a common goal.

We all need to mute the voices of division. We all need to go blind to the imagery that they keep filling our screens with. We all need to remember that we are all human beings with a common goal… life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

If we could all just remember that old adage…United We Stand, Divided We Fall.

David McCoy

david@thunderroadsiowa.com

Mi Taquito Tex-Mex

100 W Washington Street Exira, Iowa

(712) 268-7222

Hours of operation

Monday Closed

Tuesday – Thursday 11 AM–9 PM

Friday – Saturday 11 AM–10 PM

Sunday – 11 AM–8 PM

On a beautiful Saturday afternoon while riding on a local poker run, we decided to jump ahead of the group and find a place to eat and hopefully snag some good shots for the magazine when riders came in for the stop in Exira. On the corner of West Washington Street sits an inviting restaurant with both indoor and outdoor seating that we had been wanting to try for some time. We stepped inside out of the hot July sun, and were immediately greeted by a host and taken to our seats. Once seated, our waitress brought fresh tortilla chips and salsa to the table and took our drink orders.

The chips and salsa were delicious. Crisp and warm salty chips were the perfect complement to the slightly spicy mix of fresh tomatoes, onions, and peppers. After a little deliberation, Vernon ordered a mango margarita, while I chose the watermelon version… both on the rocks.

We looked over the menu while sipping our cold drinks. There were so many delicious sounding options that we really had a difficult time trying to settle on a meal. Everything from standard tex-mex fare to Mi Taquito specialties filled the menu, as well as steak and burger options, salads, and vegetarian options. We placed our orders, and only a few minutes later, the waitress returned with our plates.

Vernon ordered the Carnitas. Listed as a house specialty at Mi Taquito, the large plate came filled with perfectly seasoned and incredibly tender pork tips, rice, creamy beans topped with cheese, guacamole, Pico de Gallo, lettuce, and jalapenos. Vernon chose fresh, warm, corn tortillas to accompany his meal. The portions were nearly enough for two people to share, and at only $12.99 for the meal, it was definitely worth it! I chose to order Choripollo, and boy was that a good decision. At only $11.99 for the meal, it was beyond reasonable. My plate was just as big as Vernon’s, and also had the same seasoned rice and creamy beans as his meal. I opted for warm flour tortillas. The real star of the show here was the Choripollo… tender strips of chicken, seasoned and grilled combined with spicy chorizo sausage and all topped with delicious white cheese sauce. It was amazing, so much so, that I continued to eat well beyond my belly’s limit. But it was worth it…and I guarantee I will do it again the next time we visit.

Ice cold margarita perfection that you can get in a plethora of flavors and any size from 16 ounces to the giant tube margarita, stellar chips and salsa, and meal that are genuine Tex-Mex perfection on a plate…make sure you stop by Mi Taquito Tex-Mex the first chance you have. And don’t forget to tell them that Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa sent you!

See you on the road!

Melanie Schwarte

If you have a WRTE location for us to visit, please let me know at Melanie@ thunderroadsiowa.com

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.

What do girls and noodles have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.

“I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, ‘No, this is my first time.’ So, she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty. ‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ She asked. Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. ‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’ So, I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOWWWWWWWW, I was done within a few moments. She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you put that condom on?’ she asked. I said, ‘I sure did,’ and held up my thumb to show her. She fainted.”

One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, “We’re making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off.” Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, “Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don’t know whom to fire.” The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, “Barbara, I’ve got a problem. You see, I’ve got to lay you or Jack off and I don’t know what to do?” Barbara replied, “You’d better jack off. I’ve got a headache.”

Why do ducks have feathers?

To cover their butt quacks!

What do you call a deaf gynecologist? A lip reader.

If you were born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled, “I hope you die a long, slow, painful death.” He turned around and said, “So, you want me to stay?”

The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fi ll up our car’s gas tank and tires... She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, “Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!” I responded, “Inflation.”

Tim decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment. His wife was standing nearby watching him. After a long period of silence, she finally speaks: “Tim, I’ve been thinking, now that we’re married maybe it’s time you quit golfing. You spend so much time on the course. You could probably get a good price for your clubs.” Tim gets this horrified look on his face. She says, “Darling, what’s wrong?” “For a minute there you were beginning to sound like my ex-wife.” “Ex-wife!” she screams, “I didn’t know you were married before!” “I wasn’t,” he replied.

A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table. His wife asks, “Do you know her?” “Yes,” sighs the husband. “She’s, my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.” “My God!” says the wife. “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”

A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the man’s truck and said, “Why are these penguins in your truck?” The man replied, “These are my penguins. They belong to me.” “You need to take them to the zoo,” the policeman said. The next day, the officer saw the same guy driving down the road. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!”, the officer said. “I did,” the man replied. “And today I’m taking them to the beach.”

A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.

A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, “Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?” The boyfriend says, “Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again.”

Husband: The doctor said I can touch myself whenever I want. Wife: No, he said you could have a stroke at any time.

What’s the difference between a penis and a bonus?

Your wife will always blow your bonus!

A young guy called Tommy bought a horse from a farmer for $250 and the farmer agreed to deliver the horse to Tommy the following day. The next day though, the farmer turned up at Tommy’s house and said, “Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.” Tommy replied, “Well, then just give me my money back. That’s fine.” The farmer said, “Sorry, I can’t do that. I went and spent it already.” Tommy then said, “Okay, then, just bring me the dead horse.” The farmer was surprised and asked Tommy, “Why? What ya gonna do with him?” Tommy replied, “I’m going to raffle him off.” The farmer laughed and said, “You can’t raffle off a dead horse! Who’d buy a ticket?” Tommy answered, “Sure I can, just watch me. I just won’t tell anybody the horse is dead.” A month later, the farmer met up with Tommy again and asked, “What happened with that dead horse in the end. Did you raffle him off ?” Tommy said, “I sure did. I sold 500 tickets at $5 a piece.” The farmer said, “Didn’t anyone complain?” Tommy smiled and said, “Just the guy who won. So, I gave him his $5 back.”

What do you get when you mix human DNA and goat DNA? You get kicked out of the petting zoo.

Did you hear Lorena Bobbit just died? Yeah, I heard she was on the freeway and some dick cut her off.

This guy is dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there’s a beautiful redhead sitting at the next table. He’s been sneakily checking her out ever since he arrived, but doesn’t have the courage to start talking to her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. His reflexes kick in and he reaches out, plucks it out of the air, and hands it back to her. The redhead is mortified. “Oh my, I am so sorry,” she says as she pops her eye back into place. “Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.” So, he joins her table and they enjoy a wonderful meal together. Afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks at a bar. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap. He says yes and they return to her place. He ends up staying the night. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed at how everything has been so perfect and how incredible this woman is. He can’t believe his luck. “You know,” he said, “you are the perfect woman, are you this nice to every guy you meet?” “No,” she replies, “You just happened to catch my eye.”

the couple produces photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery. The social workers are satisfi ed by this but then raise concerns about the kind of education a child would receive while in the couple’s care. The husband puts their mind at ease, saying, “We’ve arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills.” Next though, the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment. This time the wife explains, “Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet.” The social workers are finally satisfied and ask the couple, “What age child are you hoping to adopt?” The husband says, “It doesn’t really matter, as long as the kid fits in the cannon.”

Sir Lancelot lived in a kingdom where the queen had very large breasts. One day, he shared his deep desire to fondle the queen’s precious jewels with the queen’s servant manager, Sir Wallace. Sir Wallace mentions that he might have a solution, but Sir Lancelot would need to be give him 100 gold coins. Sir Lancelot quickly accepts the offer. The next day, Sir Wallace discreetly adds itchy powder to the queen’s bra before she gets dressed. A few minutes later, the queen starts to feel an uncontrollable itch. Sir Wallace quickly jumps in and offers the perfect remedy: one of the knights in the kingdom, Sir Lancelot, has saliva with incredible healing power. Sir Lancelot needs to kiss and lick the queen’s breasts for an hour for instant relief. Desperate, the queen accepts, and Sir Lancelot gets to work. After an hour, the queen feels much better and profusely thanks everyone. However, Sir Lancelot refuses to pay the 100 gold coins. Furious, the next day, Sir Wallace slips a large quantity of the itching powder in the King’s underwear (making sure both the front and back of the underwear are covered). In the morning, the King immediately summons Sir Lancelot for help.

A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child, but the social workers there raise doubts about their suitability. So,

Unaware that her daughter is hiding in the bedroom closet, a mom brings a lover to her bedroom while her husband is at work. Her husband arrives home unexpectedly, forcing her to quickly hide her lover in the same bedroom closet. The little girl whispers, “It’s really dark in here” The man nods. The girl whispers: “Look at my doll”. The man unenthusiastically looks at the doll, “That’s nice.” The girl adds, “My dad is just outside. Wanna buy my doll?” The man says, “Fine, I’ll buy your doll if you keep quiet. How much?” Taking advantage of the opportunity, the girl replies with a big smile: “$100.” Weeks later, the same thing happens. The little girl says again: “It’s really dark in here”, followed by the same “Wanna buy another doll?” The man declines until the girl hints that she might reveal their secret. The man hastily asks, “How much?” “$250” says the girl, with an even bigger smile. Days later, the dad is playing with his daughter but notices some dolls are missing. The girl proudly says she sold her dolls to a friend for $350. “It’s not fair to take advantage of your friends,” the dad says. “It’s almost as bad as stealing, it’s called a rip off. We’re going to go to church so you can confess.” The two drive to church, meet the priest at the front door. The girl then heads to the confessional booth. “It’s really dark in here,” the girl says. The priest responds, “oooh… don’t get this started again.”

Farewell my friend, I will never forget you.

I don’t know when my first time really was, the first time I felt her, had it become a part of me. I am of course talking about the first time I was in Anamosa to the National Motorcycle Museum. That “other” first time I remember very fondly. VERY FONDLY. Now, the two events do have something in common, I remember who I was with but I don’t remember the exact year. Okay, I guess they share something else. I do wish I was involved with that activity more than I was over the years.

Let me start at the beginning of this adventure, the museum part, not the other one.

Last winter in my neck of the woods it never got very snowy but boy howdy, did it get cold and stay cold. Just stupid cold, which to be honest with you, doesn’t really bother me, I find lots of things to do outdoors in the winter and I kind of like the challenge it brings, I have written and discussed on my outdoor show many times about the Serenity of cold nights, negative temps, while around a bonfire. The cold nighttime sky, the way the constellations appear, the quiet of the woods or lake, it is something to embrace but its better with snow on the ground. That cold and no snow situation is just miserable and dumb dammit and that was last winter where I live.

While in my buddy’s

garage/bar down the street he mentioned that this summer he really wanted to go on a motorcycle overnight ride, it’s been forever since he was able to do that. Life and a wife (now ex) had gotten in his way and it was time for him to get after it again. I promised him right then and there I would make this happen and we are going to come up with something. Without missing a beat, my bride jumped in and suggested we hit Anamosa, a town we have ridden to multiple times, the roads around there are fun, the city embraces bikers, the State Pen is cool (from the outside) but Stone City and the General Store is legit one of our favorite places in the state to ride to, and she said, “You need to see the National Motorcycle Museum, you would geek out”.

The ride started coming together that night over a few beers, who we should invite, dates to look at and more on a cold (very cold) winter night, a summer dream was planned.

To be fair, JJ (my ride or die) and I have done several of this types of adventures but have done very few over the last few years, High School and college age kids, work, family commitments, and a pile of other shit just hasn’t afforded us the free time do get away like we did over the last 15 plus years.

We scratched in a date in July to make this happen and moved on to other topics of conversation, likely about how my buddy who I will call “Ron” since that is his name has a special filter that doesn’t permit him to see red flags when finding potential girlfriends and the more flags the more he seems interested. It doesn’t seem like it’s by design but it does seem to be his self-proclaimed default setting.

It was shortly after that we learned that indeed this was going to be the last year of operation for the museum and it was kind of a gut punch knowing that it will never be around, a missing hole in the biker world for sure. The pure volume of rider history that was collected provided something for every biker

around. The styles, models, oh I could go on and on but it would not do the place justice and I am not a worthy enough historian or writer to pay the proper homage to the wonderful collection. But here is a great example, JJ (my ride or die babe) is not a history geek like I am, but the devotion to telling the stories of the ladies that blazed the trails is something she embraced, we would spend hours and hours there, many times going our own way, only to find something fascinating to share and we would track one another down to share it. We took so many photos over the years, talked back and forth about cool stuff, wondered aloud about what it took to create, ride, repair, market, etc. so many things.

Dates later got dialed in, even with more focus now knowing it would be the last time. We started inviting the group we wanted to share it with, many of our friends that have been there before and as shit happens, life happens, very few could make it. Family, work, moving, vacations, afraid to get a bike dirty, scared for a number of reasons… the list grew shorter and shorter all the time.

Side note, if you don’t go on rides because your bike isn’t clean or you are afraid your bike will get dirty on an adventure you really need to sell that f*(&er now and move on. You might not know this, but nobody cares if your bike is clean. You are getting mocked because you are being a little bitch. Or find better excuses. Geesh.

Most of the reasons were legit, I get it, I have been there a lot over the last few years, so we ended up with seven total going on the trip, one couple had never ventured this far and they were excited to get the chance, which I love doing…so happy to pop their overnight cherry.

Lodging booked, date set, and we all agreed no interstate if possible, cool, interstates are only for when you want to get somewhere quickly, not when you want to see stuff and see “stuff” we did.

Leaving Council Bluffs early on a Saturday, we made our way to our first stop, the legendary Albert the Bull in Audubon, a monument dedicated to the T Bone Train and it’s just flipping cool. Breakfast in Carroll and we headed down Highway 30 in the midst of a sunny but smoke packed, haze filled day. Thanks Canada, learn some damn forestry management for Pete’s sake. After a few gas and potty breaks as we headed northwest out of Ankeny, JJ decided to direct us to Brandon, Iowa for the state’s largest Frying Pan, I mean, you don’t get that close and NOT go see the largest frying pan. Next thing you know it’s Let’s Go Brandon before hitting Anamosa and checking in at the Super 8 across the parking lot from the museum, convinced that hotel is a museum itself since it’s not been updated since it was built, guessing late 80’s. It has that new hotel smell, okay, that wasn’t it…it just had a smell.

We cleaned off some road grime and dinner was next at the General Store in Stone City a scant few miles, but

beautiful miles from town and what a worthy stop. Having dined here several times we were excited to share with the group and it was just as amazing as it’s always, even packed, the staff worked their collective asses off and we had an fab meal and all of us ate way too much and I wished I was wearing stretchy happy fat pants because, well, I was over stuffed!

Next to the general store is a humbling reminder of the freedom we are enjoying. The Freedom Rock was built with pride and a memorial to the great many service men and women from that area dating back with connections to the very founding of our country. We spent a good deal of time, quietly reading the memorials, the dates, the details and I was deeply moved by it all.

The museum was incredible as it always is. I soaked it in as long as I could. We each saw something we found that stuck with us and I noticed things I didn’t see the last time I visited. I am not a pure brand guy, I really love all kinds of bikes, the history of them, and how we got to the point we are with these machines. I cannot believe it’s not going to be there for us any longer.

Of course we took a slightly different path home, hit different towns, fuel stops, an old haunt for food that was just as good as we recalled on previous adventures and before I knew it, 675 miles were logged and memories that I will never forget were made.

Thank you to JP for building what you did. The biker world should forever remember what you did for us.

As for Anamosa, I really don’t know if I will ever visit you again, I’d like to think so, I promise the lodging will be upgraded (yikes) but the area always gives us so much back and welcomes all bikers, I hope that never changes.

On the back side of it all is a group that wants to get another big ride in yet this year and the goal is 1000 miles in a weekend, not iron butt stuff, but an adventure nevertheless.

Man, it was good to be back in the saddle for a long road adventure.

Todd “Crash” Davis

Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa

Iowa Bike Nights and Dinner Rides

Tuesday

Mom’s Maxwell (2nd & 4th Tuesday)

Wednesday

Back Forty Bike Night at the Barn Des Moines (2nd Wed May-Sep)

Bea’s Place Baxter

Cruise Night Britt (3rd Wed Jul-Sep)

Pete & Shorty’s Clarksville

Supper Rides Harley-Davidson of Carroll (7-19, 8-16,9-13)

Dinner Rides Zylstra HD Ames

Thursday

Edwards Bikes on the Hundred Block Council Bluffs (3rd Thursday)

Roar Into Harlan (3rd Thursdays)

Stumpy’s Bar & Grill Duncombe

Metro HD Cedar Rapids (2nd Thursday May-Sep)

East of Omaha Bike Night Griswold (1st Thurs MaySep)

VFW Post 9662 Des Moines (Every Thurs Apr-Oct)

Screamin’ Eagle Waterloo (Jun-Aug)

Chommy’s Bar/Grill Eldon (3rd Thursday)

Thunder N2 Atlantic Bike Night Atlantic (2nd Thurs Jun-Oct)

Tip Top Lounge Ames (start Jun 1)

McGrath Powersports Cedar Rapids (Last Thurs May-Aug)

Maggie’s Rumble Room (1st and 3rd Thurs)

Friday

Bondurant Bike Night at the Rails (4th Friday

Apr-Sep)

American Legion Post 232 Polk City (2nd Friday

May-Sep)

Thunder Nites Newton (2nd Friday Jun-Aug)

Off Point Pub Davenport (Every Friday)

Burt’s Dog House Boxholm (Every Other Friday)

Renegade Night Chariton (1st Friday Jun-Aug)

Wet Spot Runnells (Every Friday)

Mean Machine Grub Run Elkhart (1st Fri-May - Sep)

Saturday

Dirty Biker Design Winterset (Jul 15, Aug 12, Sep 9)

I-29 Dragway with LHHD Pacific Junction (Aug 26, Oct 14)

Happening’s Bar Steamboat Rock (3rd Sat May-Sep)

Kilroy’s Redfield (2nd Sat May-Sep)

Carlisle Bike Night (3rd Saturday)

Ambro’s Roadhouse DeSoto (1st Sat – Oct)

Sunday

Just 1 More Jamaica (Starting in May)

Tavern 36 Mitchellville (Last Sunday)

This list is what we have found and what has been submitted. Before heading to any event, please check weather and make sure the event is not cancelled. Not responsible for misprints and typos. If you have any other events to list, please email vernon@ thunderroadsiowa.com

Thunder Roads

2023

Aug 26 2nd Annual Support our Veterans Ride Livermore

Legion

Aug 26 Kyle’s Mile 9 Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids

Aug 26 7th Annual Shayla Bee Fund Black Tie Black

Leather Affair West Okoboji

Aug 26 8th Annual Randy Hagle’s Sidetracked Memorial

Ride Creston

Aug 26 3rd Annual Craig’s Ride and Drive Amvets Riders

Hudson

Aug 26 Road Trip in Memory of Harley McDonald

Just One More Jamaica

Aug 26 Band of Brothers Oscar CO Memorial Ride

Andalusia, IL

Aug 27 Bikes 4 Kids Motorcycle Show Walker

Aug 31-Sep 2 52nd Annual Motorcycle Swap Meet Davenport

Aug 31-Sep 3 Redneck Revival Conesville

Sep 1-4 Midway Tavern’s 25th Annual Soldier Valley Poker

Run, BBQ/Dance/Concert Soldier

Sep 2 Remembrance Run Algona

Sep 3 Biker Bash 2023 Lake Park

Sep 3 9th Annual Donahue Frontier Days Bike Show

Sep 6-9 National Motorcycle Museum Auction Anamosa

Sep 9 D4 Bike Show Runnells

Sep 10 Motorcycle Hill Climb Anamosa

Sep 10 1st Annual Car & Bike Show Amvets Riders

Cedar Falls

Sep 10 HD of Carroll Memorial Golf Scramble Carroll

Sep 16 4th Annual Harley Joe’s Invitational Bike Show

Omaha, NE

Sep 16 D23 Motorcycle Rodeo Clermont

Sep 16 10th Annual Chosen Few MC End of Summer Poker

Run and Party Cedar Rapids

Sep 16 BBQ Open House RT 65 HD Indianola

Sep 16 Fall Hog Roast Zylstra HD Ames

Sep 16 Mean Machine “Smalltown Throwdown” Burnout Contest & Stereo Battle Elkhart

Sep 17 17th Annual World-Famous Butterfield’s M-C Parts Hot Dog Daze Omaha, NE

Sep 17 Concours de’ Cornfield Earlham

Sep 21-24 MRF Meeting of the Minds Harrisburg, PA

Sep 23 22 Veteran Suicide Awareness Association Poker Run Pacific Junction

Sep 23 D18 Toys for Tots Ride Burlington

Sep 23 Bike Night & BBQ Cook Off Stuart

Sep 23 Bikes for Tykes Benefit Poker Run Muscatine

Oct 1 Toy Run HD of Carroll

Oct 8 D4 40th Annual Toy Run Des Moines

Oct 15 39th Annual Fall Auto & Motorcycle Swap Meet Monticello

Oct 28 Screamin Saturday Chili Cookoff and Halloween Event Zylstra HD Ames

Nov 4 Pancakes for Patriots Zylstra HD Ames

Nov 4 Solid Ones MC Clubhouse Day of The Dead Party Carlisle

Nov 10-12 Iowa Steam Waterloo

Dec 9 Brrrrunch Party and Santa Stop Zylstra HD Ames

Dec 9 Holiday Open House Big Barn HD Des Moines

2024

Mar 22-24 Omaha Chapter AMCA National Swap Meet

Fremont NE

Mar 23-24 35th Annual Donnie Smith Show and Swap

Saint Paul, MN

Jul 3-6 ABATE of Iowa Freedom Rally Algona