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Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook

Say it isn’t so! Say that we are NOT already rolling into October! Say it is not about time to think about bike storage! It is so hard to believe how fast time flies and that another riding season is about to wrap up. We sure cannot change it though, so might as well accept it and get ready. Ride as much as you possibly can in the few remaining days that we have before the weather turns terrible, and start planning for winter time service, upgrades, modifications and planning for next year’s events! One good thing about October though is the culmination of the very first Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa Tall Corn Run! The final check in sheets will be added to the list, and then on October 15th at Okoboji Harley-Davidson, we will be drawing for all of the grand prizes! Sandbothe Firestone in Griswold is providing a Biker Bar Motorcycle hauling device, Air Efex Custom Paint in North Liberty is providing some certificates towards paintwork, Creative Concepts in Harlan is providing a $2,500 paint certificate, Fenders Cycle of Des Moines is providing a 6x10 Wells Cargo enclosed trailer, and last but certainly not least, Okoboji Harley-Davidson has provided the grand prize: a 2016 Softail Slim. The bike is shown on the cover and calendar this month. All summer long we had winners every month from each of the 44 TCR Check-In Sites that were chosen at random. If you didn’t win the monthly prizes, do not fear, you still have a chance! If you can make it up to Okoboji Harley-Davidson on October 15th, ALL of the Check-Ins that were made over the summer at all of the locations will be eligible to win the grand prizes! That is right, if you had 5 Check-Ins,

On the Cover Jeana is looking fine next to the TRMI TCR Grand Prize Bike for this year’s Ride & Win Program! She was brave enough to stand by the bike on a stormy day, next to the waterfront to help promote the end of year drawing coming up on October 15th. The drawing is for the grand prizes, one of which is this 2016 Softail Slim provided by Okoboji Harley-Davidson. Be there between 1:00-2:00 on October 15th with your Ride Card in hand. Numbers will be drawn from Summer Check-Ins for the Grand Prize winners. MUST BE PRESENT TO WIN! 4 - TRMI OCTOBER 2016

you have 5 chances to win, if you had 100 Check-Ins, then you have 100 chances to win! You must be present to win at the grand prize drawing party on October 15th at Okoboji HarleyDavidson. The drawing will start at 1:00 PM and finish by 2:00 PM, so anyone in any area of the state can make it there for the drawing and make it home the same day if they so choose. As it is the off season at the lakes, there are numerous housing and camping opportunities available as well as being considerably less expensive than during the summer season. After the culmination of the Tall Corn Run this year, don’t forget that those cards do not expire! Keep it in your wallet, purse, saddlebag, or where ever you know it will be safe, as we will be doing another program next year. Once you are registered for a card, the number stays with you, so keep a hold of it. Throughout the winter we will be setting up the new Ride Card program, so if you know of any great spots that want to be a Registration or Check-In location, send them our way! We would also like to throw huge thanks out to the sponsors of the magazine. Without them we could not bring these pages to you every month. These folks make this thing keep spinning every month, so darken their doors whenever possible, and tell them Thunder Roads sent ya. We would also like to offer our sincere gratitude to the sponsors of the 2016 Tall Corn Run. Iowa Biker Lawyers were the premier sponsor this year, as well as all the prize sponsors above, and all of the Registration and Check-In sites. Without these folks, we would not have been able to pull off the Tall Corn Run Ride and Win Program. If you see any of them, tell them thanks for sponsoring! Thanks to everyone as well that has participated! We have had tremendous input from riders all over Iowa. It was surprising to see how far some riders traveled each month to be able to check in at different locations away from their primary area. That was the purpose, so it looks like a success! Thanks for riding, thanks for reading, and thanks for supporting Iowa’s Biker Magazine. Vernon and Melanie Quote of the Month: “There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?” Dustin Hoffman

Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook

Thunder Roads Magazine Maga g zine of Iowa on Facebook

TRMI OCTOBER OCT C OB O ER R 201 0 6-5 2016

CMA Notes

For those of you being dragged kicking and screaming towards the end of ride season, don’t let the hot days fool you - the change is coming fast. Make the most of what is left. When we turn the corner on Sturgis, the events get precious and few. Sturgis this year saw numbers way down and riding enjoyment way up. Last year it felt like we were riding in a parade wherever we went, but this year we actually had canyon roads to ourselves and could stop for gas or food knowing we could get back on the road without someone directing traffic. Conesville saw numbers way up over the previous few years. The addition of car drags with the bike drags brought a lot of campers. Possum was grinning like a possum and things were very smooth. IF things continue, next season should see a return to bigger and better.

there be? Will central government get bigger or smaller? Taxes, immigration, and political correctness run amok. Will Klingon be the new official language? It can be overwhelming. When faced with so many changes, questions, fears and unknowns it’s good to re-center our universe with Biblical assurance. God has placed in each of us a desire for Him and provided the way to live an abundant life in Jesus. It may not always seem as if life and experiences point to God but if you believe in Jesus, He lives and goes with you and God’s favor and blessings rest on you. He knows we can’t do it on our own. Romans 5:8 says, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us”. He helps us get where we are supposed to be. He wants us to live in faith, not fear. Philippians 4 tells us to” be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let our requests be made known to God: and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus”. Psalm 34 says that “the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their cry… The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit”. He is a big God with big promises, bigger than the problems we face. John 16:33 says “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have tribulation. But take heart: I have overcome the world.” I am thankful that it’s not all up to us but that God is in control. Blessings, Mark Mark and Karla Cornick are Area Reps with the Christian Motorcyclists Association. Find out more about CMA and God’s plan for you at

The Antique swap meet show in Davenport always amazes me with the number of people and vendors. Besides hanging at the CMA booth and talking with people we spent several hours walking and didn’t see half of what was there. If I ever hit the lotto I’ll show up with a trailer to haul treasures home. As of this writing we still have State Line Rally and Anamosa Hill Climb in our part of the state. The rides to these events are as enjoyable as being there. Along with the season change, we are, like it or not, a few short weeks from our country’s election process. It seems our direction is yet to be determined by, for many of us, candidates that would not be our 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc. choices. Be what it may, we are stuck with one of two individuals to lead us for at least the next four years. Beyond personalities or parties we have to look at what that will mean to the bigger picture. How many federal judges, Supreme Court appointments, pardons, treaties, 2nd Amendment rights and executive directives beyond congressional control will 6 - TRMI OCTOBER 2016

Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook

Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook



Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook

Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook


The Biker Friendly Business Directory is a list of establishments throughout Iowa that sponsor the magazine. You can pick up your copy here every month. Let them know that you saw them in TRMI. If your business would like to advertise in Thunder Roads Iowa Biker Friendly Business Listing and become a part of the network, please email

Biker Accessories 1606 P Avenue Milford, Iowa 51351 877-816-2200 Follow us on Facebook!! Crispy’s Biker Apparel Cedar Rapids, Iowa Find Us On Facebook 319-241-0916

Churches Rebels In His Hands 600 16th Avenue Council Bluffs, Iowa Mark and Lora Schiller Pastors 712-329-9901


Edwards Motorsports and RV’s 1010 34th Avenue Council Bluffs, Iowa 51501 712-366-8400 or

Route 65 Harley-Davidson 1300 S Jefferson Way Indianola, Iowa 50125 515.962.2160

Barney’s 203 S Mill Street Wadena, Iowa 52169 563-774-2525 Barney’s Wadena on Facebook

Ernie’s Harley-Davidson 2613 Hwy 18 East Algona, IA 50511 515-295-7951

Uptown Motors Sales, Inc 310 Cleveland St Muscatine, IA 52761 563-263-2944

Baxa’s Sutliff Store & Tavern 5546 130th Street NE Lisbon 319-624-2204 Cold Beer, Delicious Food, Good Music & Great Times!

Fenders Cycle and Motorsport 1500 E Army Post Road Des Moines, Iowa 50315 515-256-9062

Whipp Sales and Service, Inc 701 S 8th Street Clarinda, Iowa 51632 1.800.477.0195

Beach Pub Along Highway 22, Buffalo,IA Open Daily 10am-2am Join Us Weekly For HomeCooked Sunday Breakfast

Fenders Honda 100 South 16th Street Ames, Iowa 50010 515-233-4727

Wiebler’s Harley-Davidson 5320 Corporate Park Drive Davenport, IA 52807 563-355-6437

Bill’s Boat Landing Clayton, Iowa 563-964-2112 Check Us Out on Facebook Where the River is Calling & You Must Go!

Heartland Harley-Davidson 117 S. Roosevelt Ave Burlington, Iowa 52601 319-754-1100

Zylstra Harley-Davidson 1930 E 13th Street Ames, Iowa 50010 515-232-6223

Bootleggers of Millville Awesome Stop, Great Staff, Fantastic Food Tops in Scenic River Rides Check us on Facebook 563-252-7775

Loess Hills Harley-Davidson 57408 190th Street Pacific Junction IA 51561 712-622-4000


Buck Snort 113 4th Street Neola, Iowa 51559 712-485-9090 The Buck Snort on Facebook

McGrath Dubuque Harley-Davidson 145 N Crescent Rdg Dubuque, IA 52003 563-557-3735

Baxter Cycle 311 4th Street Marne, Iowa 51552 712-781-2351

McGrath Hawkeye Harley-Davidson 120 Westcor Drive Coralville, IA 52241 319- 545.7495

Big Barn Harley-Davidson 81 NW 49th Place Des Moines, Iowa 50313 515-265-4444

Metro Harley-Davidson 2415 Westdale Drive SW Cedar Rapids, Iowa 52404 319-362-9496

Brenny’s Motorcycle Clinic 4426 State Street Bettendorf, IA 52722 (563)359-7222

Nishna Valley Cycle HONDA – YAMAHA – KTM Atlantic, Iowa 50022 1-888-577-6406

C&C Custom Cycle 130 E Lincoln Chariton, Iowa 50049 641-774-7494

Okoboji Harley-Davidson 1005 Eastview Avenue Okoboji IA, 51355 712-332-7700

Carroll Cycle Center 1327 Plaza Dr Carroll, Iowa 712-792-1610

R/J Performance HWY 63 North Ottumwa, Iowa 52501 641.684.8400

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Book Em Dano’s 33 S Main Street Denison, Iowa 51442 712-263-9818Mon-Sat 4-2 Dancers Nightly 5-1:30 Celebrations DJ & Karaoke Services Newton, IA 641-521-8036 Any Occasion /Rally or Event EmCee Facebook/Ray Johansen(Celebrations) Specializing in Weddings & Receptions National Motorcycle Museum 102 Chamber Drive Anamosa, Iowa 52205 319-462-3925 Okoboji Classic Cars Museum and Restoration Shop 810 Jeppeson Road West Okoboji, Iowa 51351 712-332-8029

Food and Drink Amigo’s 280 North 1st Street Fort Dodge, Iowa 50501 515-576-0142 Bailey’s Pub -N- Grub 918 E Euclid Ave Des Moines 515-266-6560 Mon-Sat 6am-2am Sun 8am-12am Home Cooked Food

Buck Snort 310 Dr Van Zee Road Oakland, Iowa 51560 712-355-5315 C&L Sandbar 103 North Noyes Street Mondamin, IA 51557 712-646-2300 or 712-216-0975 Hours Daily 11-close Catfish Charlie’s On the Mississippi River 1630 E. 16th Street Dubuque, IA 52001 (563)582-8600 Desperados 105 E 5th Street Atlantic 712-243-7087 Home of Cold Beer, Good Times, Pizza & Wings Dirty Ernies 201 1st Street NE Farley, Iowa 563-744-4653 Ride your Harley to Farley! Durango Depot 736 Burtons Furnace Road Open 3 to close Best Scenic Road With the Best Food! 563-552-2291

Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook

Ferg’s Bar & Grill 806 Hwy 30 Grand Junction, Iowa 50107 515-738-5416 Where Good Friends Meet

Lampe’s Pub 608 Iowa Avenue Dunlap, Iowa 51529 712-643-5781 Open 7 days a week at 11 AM

Sambetti’s Bar and Grill 1430 2nd Avenue Des Moines, Iowa 50314 515-245-9780 Mon-Sat 11a-2a, Sun 11a-7p

The Place2B! 116 N. Federal Ave Mason City, IA 50401 M-F 3p-2a S-S Noon-2a Find Us On Facebook

Fro’s Pub ‘N Grub 309 Cedar St, Wilton 563-732-3977 Fro’s Pub n Grub on Facebook A Surprise Around Every Corner

Midway Tavern 206 1st Street Soldier, Iowa 712-884-2230

Scooters on Broadway 475 NE Broadway Des Moines, Iowa 515-288-1053

The Roadhouse 105 Washington Marne, Iowa 51552 712-781-2272 Home of the Marne Burger

Goozman’s Westside Bar & Grill 1019 7th St Harlan, Iowa 712-755-2259 Goozman’s Westside on Facebook

Minden Bowl Café & Lounge 209 Broadway Street Minden, Iowa 51553 712-483-2937 Minden Bowl on Facebook

Screaming Eagle American Bar & Grill 228 East 4th Street Waterloo, Iowa 50703 319-235-8865

The Sawmill Bar & Grill Now with a Full Menu 401 Main St New Market, IA 51646-3079 712-585-3601

Haverhill Social Club 202 1st Street Haverhill, Iowa 50120 641-475-3321 Mon-Sat 10-2, Sun 12-12

Montgomery Street Pub 207 East Montgomery Street Creston, Iowa 50801 641-782-2165

Shooters Bar 661 Main Anita, Iowa 712-249-7370 Mon-Fri 3:00-Close Sat-Sun 10:00-Close

Thirsty’s on 3rd 2202 W 3rd, Davenport 563-424-1143 Follow Us on Facebook Daily Thirst Quenching Deals

Mudders in Minburn Coldest Beer in Dallas County Bar Food-Wings-Pizza-ETC 515-897-9223 Open M-Sun 11AM Facebook Mudders

Sidetracked 206 West Union Street Creston, Iowa 50801 641-782-8534

T.J.’s Pourhouse 100 E. Washington Street Exira, Iowa 50076 712-268-2353 Open M-SAT.@11, SUN.@ NOON

Papa Joe’s 117 South 6th Street Missouri Valley, Iowa 51555 712-642-9015

Sparetime Bar & Grill 136 West Main Street Ute, Iowa 61060 712-885-2226

Pearl Street Social Club 110 Pearl Street SW Shellsburg, Iowa 52332 319-436-7100 Find Us On Facebook!

Sportsman Bar & Grill 103 1st Street Pisgah, Iowa 51564 712-456-2222 FOOD, FUEL, FUN

Pines Steakhouse Oinkers Lounge & Grill

Hawkeye Bar & Grill 110 North 4th Street Mapleton, IA 51034 712-882-1226 Mon-Sat 10:30 a.m. ~ Sun 12:00 p.m. Hog Stop BBQ 2327 S. 24th Street Council Bluffs, Iowa 51501 712-EAT-BBQS Hog Stop BBQ on Facebook Iron Saddle Saloon 39 S Main Street Dayton, Iowa 50530 515-547-3311 J.R. Willie’s Gateway to the Beautiful Hill Country Colesburg, IA 563-856-5095 Open Daily Mon-Sun 11AM Home of the Willie Whopper

1500 E 7th Street Atlantic, Iowa 50022 712-243-3606 M-F 11AM-, S-S 4PM-

Stumpy’s Bar & Grill 423 Main Street Duncombe, Iowa 50532 515-543-4222 Stumpy’s Bar & Grill on Facebook

Jerrys 100 W Washington Exira, Iowa 50076 Jerrys Exira on Facebook “The Party Lives On”

Pizza Ranch DENISON 510 HWY 39 North Denison, Iowa 712-393-3333 Check Us Out on Facebook Open 7 Days a Week

Suds –N- Jugs Bar & Grill 807 Iowa Avenue Onawa, Iowa 51040 712-433-4880 Nightly Food Specials

Just 1 More 515-570-4206 403 3rd Ave Under the Water Tower Jamaica, Iowa

Pizza Ranch HARLAN 613 Court Street Harlan, Iowa 51537 712-755-2262 Check Us Out on Facebook Open 7 Days a Week

Knickers Saloon 2186 Central Avenue Dubuque, Iowa 52001 563-557-0887 365 Days a Year Knickers Saloon on Facebook

Red Oak Tap 419 E. Reed Red Oak, Iowa 51566 712-623-4788

Knuckleheads Anamosa, IA 319-462-2724 Like on FB Knuckleheads Pub & Grub Open M-F 11-2, S-S 10-2 The Knucklehead Burger “Git IT IN YA”

Riverside Tavern 450 E Main St Lehigh, Iowa 50557 515-359-9998

Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook

The Back Forty 317 Main St. Macedonia, Iowa 51549 712-486-2687

Tobey Jacks Mineola Steak House Mineola, Iowa 712-526-2078 Open 7 Days a Week Check Us Out on Facebook Uncle Harley’s Bar & Grill 202 W Mayne, Blue Grass (563)381-1717 Great Pizza & Food Bikers ALWAYS Welcome Vic’s Main Tap 304 Broadway Audubon, Iowa 50025 712-563-2122 Opens M-F 3, Sat 10, Sun 3 Whitetails Bar & Grill 101 N. Main St. Marble Rock IA,50653 641-397-9900 Mon.- Sat. 7am breakfast -2am Close Wilson’s Tap and Recreation 1008 Story Street Boone, Iowa 50036/ 515-433-1395

The Home Plate Diner 304 E. 30th Street Des Moines, Iowa 50317 515-262-7000

Guns and Ammo

The Lounge 1005 Chatburn Ave Harlan, Iowa 51537 712-755-5050 The Lounge Harlan Iowa on Facebook

2A Firearms Training Training to Protect Your 2nd Ammendment Rights 641-439-6660

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Locked and Loaded Outfitters 612 Market Street Harlan, Iowa 51537 712-235-4867 McCunn Specialty Firearms 74980 Richland Road Massena, Iowa 50853 712-779-GUNS Pistol Pete’s Guns and Ammo Eldora, Iowa 641-858-6878 DISCOUNTS for ABATE Members Eric Ross & Steve Eggleston

Services A+ Affordable Heat, Air, Refrigeration & Geo Thermal 22274 Old Lincoln Hwy Crescent, Iowa 51526 712-329-9901 BCS Computers 100 Industrial Road Guthrie Center, Iowa 50115 641-747-3344

Butterfield’s M.C. Parts 8025 Blondo Street Omaha, NE 68134 402-391-3768 Chuck’s Cycle Service and Repair S&S and Drag Specialties Dealer 714 East 7th Street Washington, Iowa52353 319-461-5278 Creative Concepts Collision 422 Market Street Harlan, Iowa 51537 712.755.2231

Pike Run Services 320 Main Nichols, Iowa 52766 Shop 319-723-4244 Cell 319-330-4541 Road Rage BikeWorks 401 High Street Avoca, Iowa 51521 712-307-6111 Road Rage BikeWorks on Facebook SS Collision, CycleWorks & Graphics 2902 11th Ave SW Spencer, Iowa 51301 712-262-3959

I n s u r a nc e

CJ Now Plumbing Sewer & Water Specialists 309-786-2002 Serving the Quad Cities Area On Call 24-7

Cycle Clinic 2209 ML King Pkwy Des Moines, Iowa 50314 515-288-6954

Matt McCall Insurance Agency State Farm Insurance 102 East South St, Tipton 563-886-6120

Hoker Trucking NOW HIRING Dixon, Iowa 563-843-2763

F & J Racing 701 N 3rd Ave Marshalltown, Iowa 50158 641-752-8651

Oakland Insurance Agency Motorcycle, Home, AUTO, Commercial, Life, Health Specializing in Teen Drivers Shane Baker 712-310-7475

Irwin Locker & Catering 502 Ann Street Irwin, Iowa 51446 712-782-3215

Hyperformance 5152 E University Ave Pleasant Hill, Iowa 50327 515-266-6381

Skin Mechanix INKorpar8ted 117 No. 16th Street Council Bluffs, Iowa 51501 712 256-2847 Check Us Out on Facebook

Machine Shop 6821 Fleur Drive Des Moines, Iowa 50321 515-285-4332 RIDE SAFE


Legal Hupy and Abraham sc, pc Lawyers for Bikers 800.800.5678 Leehey Olson Law, PC Riding & Defending Your Rights for Over 30 Years 877-209-9452

Photo and Art

Sandbothe Firestone 1106 Main Street Griswold, Iowa 51535 712-778-2223 Sandbothe Firestone on Facebook Southwest Iowa Sandblasting Mike Magers 65162 Oxford Rd Atlantic, Iowa 50022 712-249-3995

Shops & Fabricators Bent Wrench Cycles 911 7th Street Harlan, Iowa 51537 712-235-2453 Bent Wrench Cycles on Facebook

Motorcycle Medic 3176 Highway 30 Woodbine, Iowa 51579 712-647-2818 Open Tues-Sat Noon-6PM Nelson Machine & Forge General Machining, Ornamental Iron, Weld/Fab 70 Washington Street Marne, Iowa 51552 712-781-2220

Steffens Cycle Shop LLC 1311 E 7th Street Atlantic, Iowa 50022 712-243-3076M-F 9-5 Most Sat 9-12 Or Call


The Fog Zone Vape Store 420 Chestnut Street Atlantic, Iowa, 50025 712-243-4024

To buy ad space for your business or service in our directory, give us call at 712-249-5630 or email vernon@

Ullrich Photography PO Box 1842 Clinton, Iowa 52733 563-243-8715

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Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook

Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook

TRMI OCTOBER 2016 - 13

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Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook

TRMI OCTOBER 2016 - 15

99 Counties to tour on the bike, 99 counties to tour, take one down, drive on around, 23 counties to tour on the bike. A few years back, a summer riding goal was to ride through each one of the counties of Iowa, and what was found was a wealth of interest and beauty. Each month we will revisit each county as a featured article. We will tell you about new things to see, places to ride, and give you a little spark of touring curiosity for our state of Iowa. Polk County Polk County is centrally located in the great state of Iowa. It was formed on January 13, 1846 and was named after President James K. Polk. The population is just over 430,000 residents, which makes it the most populous county in Iowa. Polk County inhabits 592 square miles, and 18 of those are water. The county seat is Des Moines, which is also happens to be the home of our state capital. Since, Polk County includes the Des Moines metro area, we already knew there would be plenty to see and do on this tour, but what we didn’t know before perusing Polk County was that there is also a surplus of country life within minutes of the metro. We entered Polk County on the south east corner, near the town of Runnells. Runnells has a population of only 500 people, making it a suburban option for local commuters.

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From Runnells we headed north, enjoying the county roads and scenic views up to Mitchellville. Only part of Mitchellville actually lies in Polk county, while most of Mitchellville seems to be a friendly little community, let’s all hope none of us have to take an extended stay in Mitchellville… Do make sure to watch for road apples though, as we saw two people walking mini horses on our visit! From Mitchellville we traveled to Farrar, Elkhart, Alleman, and Shedahl all via country roads, which were all nice to travel. Any of these suburbs offer quiet “country life” options, and a couple even have public transportation stops so residents can take the bus into the Des Moines Metro area. After travelling the outskirts of the Des Moines Metro area, we dove right in to check out what cultural offerings we could find. There are literally endless possibilities for a visitor to the Des Moines area. Of course, the Iowa State Capitol building is always impressive in its massive size, and golden dome. Polk County is also home to Camp Dodge. Camp Dodge is a military installation in the city of Johnston, and currently serves as the headquarters of the Iowa National Guard. The original construction of the post began in 1907 and in 1917 was handed over to national authorities and greatly expanded to become a regional training center for forces to participate in the First World War. The name comes from Brigadier General Grenville M. Dodge, who organized Iowa’s first National

Guard unit in 1856. Although General Dodge was not a native-born Iowan, he resided within the state for most of his adult life. He is considered a War hero for his service and also served a term as a U.S. Congressman representing the state of Iowa. The Blank Park Zoo is open 9am-5pm daily and is fun for adults and kids alike. You can even by your zoo tickets online if waiting in line is not your thing. There is the Mile Long Bridge at Sailorville Lake and the Greater Des Moines Botanical Gardens. If you are going to the gardens, make sure you are cool with free flying birds…they will Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook

definitely be along on your tour. The Living History Farms in Urbandale offer tours of early settler life, like a scene straight out of the movie “Billy Madison”. The Des Moines metro is also home to the Polk County Courthouse, and numerous other state and federal buildings and offices. There were a couple of things that I had looked into, and definitely wanted to seek out on this trip to Des Moines that we had never checked out before. The Salisbury House and Gardens is a massive 42 room estate surrounded by nine acres of gardens and woodlands that was built in 1923 by Iowa native Carl Weeks, and now houses a museum of art and history. You can tour the property and house Tuesdays through Saturdays, but go early because tickets sell out quickly. We also had to take a visit up to Terrace Hill, home to the Governor of our great state. Terrace Hill was originally built by bankers, but has been inhabited by governors for many years and offers guided tours Tuesday through Saturday, four times per day for under ten bucks per person. While we went to Terrace Hill to see the governor’s house, we ended up being completely diverted by the surrounding homes and Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook

roads…what an amazing place to live. Smack dab in the middle of Des Moines sit amazing Victorian era homes on surreptitious streets. We probably could have spent hours practicing our rubbernecking skills up around Terrace Hill, but we were getting hungry and thirsty, and definitely wanted to make sure we hit some of our favorite spots and harass some friends. If you want to hit some of our favorite spots, check out the biker friendly listing and pick your poison. There are also some TRMI recommended shops on the listing if you happen to run into any unforeseen issues with your two wheeled transportation. Centrally located, Polk County is easily reached by any point in Iowa. There are so many things to offer in the metro area, no matter what your interests, you will surely find it here. Historical, architectural, botanical, animal, nightlife…Des Moines has a little bit of everything in one bustling metro area. In November we will be roaming around a little closer to home, as we check out south west Iowa and all that Pottawattamie County has to offer the biker world. Melanie J Schwarte Sources available upon request

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Every so often you see or hear things that just make a person shake their head in disbelief. Sometimes it is something that we ourselves have done or said that after the dust settles seems at best, lame. Most of the time when you do or see something like this, a person just moves on, but sometimes it is something so incredibly off key that you need to vent about it. Here is a monthly RANT, strictly my opinion, and strictly for entertainment purposes. If you do see something here that makes you wake up, see things in a different light, or learn to deal with something better, more power to you!

point. I’ve sat at a stop light on my bike, waiting for the light to change. I take a look around at the cages surrounding me. Every person behind the wheel of these 5,000 lb. killing machines is texting or using Facebook, or whatever. Makes a person feel like they are surrounded by morons, because as the light turns green, most of them just keep doing what they were doing on their phones. As I’ve said before, you can’t fix stupid. My 900 lb. motorcycle is no match for all the cages filled with all this stupidity. If my calling drivers like this stupid bothers or “offends “you, good, that may mean that you may be guilty of this as well, and frankly, part of the problem.

Fact is, you’re responsible for your actions, just as I am mine. Could you live with it , if you were checking that Facebook page , causing you to cross the center line at 60 mph , and hitting me head on out on some two lane country road ? Could you live with it if you were texting and ran that stop sign in a residential area of town, causing you to run into the back of a garbage truck early some morning? Could you live with it , if , you were on your phone , causing you to not see the school bus , stopped with red lights and We have a new month, so of course we have some stop sign deployed , and you running down a group new examples of “You Can’t Fix Stupid”. Allow me of kindergarten kids eager to start their first day to share with you my insight on one thing that is of school ? Think of the devastated families of the nothing new, cell phones. It seems that children victims of these accidents. Could you face them? born today are arriving into this world with these Change it up a bit. You are on your phone out in the things called cell phones attached to their palms. country on some two lane highway. A highway you Everybody has at least one it seems like, and it travel every morning. It’s harvest season. You look is a rarity when you find someone without one. It down at that text message as you come over that hill. may seem like a harmless item, a helpful item, a There’s a tractor over that hill. You never see it. Do “needed” item, but they are creating a society of you know how much steel that is? You’re dead. Now stupid people, and you know that you can’t fix stupid. your family and friends get to mourn you because of your own stupidity. Take a drive, or ride, or maybe a walk around town. Your mission is to take note of how many people I’ve stated before that you can’t fix stupid. are using their phones. I don’t mean talking on Ignorance is the lack of knowledge, which we can it, because why would you use a phone for that? fix. People can combat ignorance with knowledge Texting, Facebooking, chasing a mythical creature, or and education. Perhaps we can take these stupid a ton of other things that people do on their phones. actions I’ve talked about, and educate ourselves Keep track for about 15 minutes, how many can you and those around us. Ignorance could also mean count? You may notice two people sitting at a table lack of education I guess. Since we can’t fix stupid, at a restaurant awaiting a meal, texting. No big deal, we can try to eliminate the ignorance in society. right? What if I tell you they’re texting each other? Take responsibility for your actions, own up to your Seriously, it happens more than you can imagine!! mistakes, and learn from them. That’s working at Two people sitting in a park enjoying the weather, eliminating the ignorance. or simply checking emails and not conversing while sitting side by side? When did a social network On a motorcycle, we have far fewer options. We just replace being social? want to enjoy riding and live to do it another day. Your actions can have a big part in whether I get to This is an issue that is not just affecting young do that or not. Think of my family, should you get the people either. It’s everybody. Here’s an idea. When urge to check that text while driving. Could you live you go for lunch with friends or coworkers, put all with yourself if you took my life or anyone else’s life, your phones in a basket in the middle of the table. because of a stupid act? The first one to check their phone picks up the tab for everybody. Can you do it? Go for a walk with You can’t fix stupid, but maybe we can educate your significant other and leave the phones in our ourselves and try to eradicate ignorance. At least we pocket, the first one that looks at their phone buys can fix that. dinner. Maybe an idea worth a try. Be safe and I’ll see you down the road. One of the biggest areas of concern with cell phone usage is of course using your phone in your car, Gary Emery, aka Wildman while driving. I’m guilty of it; we all are at some 18 - TRMI OCTOBER 2016

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Here we have the Tall Corn Run Ride and Win Program motorcycle, a 2016 Harley-Davidson Softail Slim. It was provided by the fine folks at Okoboji Harley-Davidson. Jeana thought it was a good idea to find a road off the beaten path to grab some photos to show off this sexy bike. We will be doing the drawing for this grand prize and other prizes October 15th, 2016 at Okoboji Harley-Davidson. Prize Drawings will happen between 1:00 and 2:00 PM. Be there with your Tall Corn Run Card in hand for your chance to win from your Summer Check-Ins! See you there!

Carla Secoy 2014 FLS Softail Slim Davenport Brienna Junk 2004 Night Train La Motte

We want you on our pages! If you are an Iowa Girl of Thunder, send us a quality image, your name, year and model of bike, and where you are from to:

Gina Pender 1999 Custom 883 Sportster Newton 22 - TRMI OCTOBER 2016

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For this October issue, I want to introduce you to a friend of ours. Jack Voigt from Carroll is our Military Rider of the month. Jack served in the United States Air Force as a Communications Specialist, and then in the United States Coast Guard, with total service time in both branches from 1965 through 1986. He served on both the eastern and western coasts of the United States, Florida, the Gulf Coast, and in Vietnam. He was an Aviation Electronics Technician First Class and worked in Aviation Electronics and also as a Search & Rescue Air Crewman. Jack comes from a family of Military service with his father as a career Air Force man, and his mother was in the United States Army from 1942-1945. After retiring from service, Jack and his wife Dee reside north of Carroll. Jack’s riding history includes many metric bikes and years of riding and recently a couple of different Harley-Davidsons have taken place in his stable. He did go quite a few years without motorcycles while serving. It was simply not feasible to own a motorcycle while deployed. With a lack of 26 - TRMI OCTOBER 2016 th d di

adequate storage while away, he got rid of motorcycles, but decided to get back on bikes due to Dee. She has been riding Harley-Davidsons for years, and he loved the idea of riding with his wife. His first Harley-Davidson was an FXDF Fat Bob, and then he upgraded to and Ultra Classic Electra Glide for the additional comfort on long rides. His latest ride he got from Carroll Cycle Center in Carroll, Iowa. When asked if he has any plans for accessories or modifications, Jack states that he is always looking for things for fit, function, and style. As this riding season is about over, Jack says that he has no major plans for any more trips or rides, but that this season he did hit Algona, Soldier, and made a few long rides to get the most out of that bagger he bought! Jack is an active member of Harley Owners Group, ABATE of Iowa, and Coast Guard Riders. He also has many friends and his wife that he rides with. If you see Jack out and about on his Ultra, give him a wave, or if you get the chance, shake his hand and thanks him for his service! Thanks Jack from all of us at Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa. Thunder d Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook

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trigger finger is busy and the only finger that my brain has any control over on my left hand got me into this mess! As random thoughts raced through my mind, I realized the cell phone moron hit the brakes to turn at the intersection; he really wasn’t hunting me down after all.

Random Thoughts of a Scooter Tramp.

You may think a title like Scooter Tramp comes with miles and years of riding experience, it also comes with a resume of doing a whole lot of stupid shit along the way. I admit, sometimes when I ride I find myself doing some pretty stupid shit. The other day I was hauling ass down the highway, I had logged enough miles that my mind had finally been cleansed of last week’s garbage. I had just started to notice how good the seat felt against my ass and I was totally hypnotized with the purr of the engine as it cranked out horsepower into a cooler crisper air than I am accustomed to riding in. After a quick glance in the mirror, I realized all my buddies were missing. I slowed down whipped a U turn and headed back in the direction I just came from. In my warped mind, I was sure that I would come upon the entire group parked along side the road with a bike stalled out and everyone eager to poke fun at me for how long it took me to come back. I had traveled about ten miles when I realized that I had been riding alone all day.

As I rolled on down the road I decided to add saluting on coming traffic with my favorite finger to my Scooter Tramp stupid shit resume. The ah ha moment came when I realized I had stumbled on to my winter project, designing a horn that with the touch of a button screams profanity. Pumpkin Smashing Month is upon us and riding over pumpkin brains in the roadway is just about as much fun as hitting the brakes on an oil spill while riding in the rain. Don’t do stupid shit! Get yourself out to the TRMI Tall Corn Run Grand Prize Giveaway Party on October 15th at Okoboji Harley Davidson. Unless you want to add being a loser to your Scooter Tramp resume when they call out your name and your not there. You must be present to win.

Speaking of stupid shit, I am guilty of pointing out road kill and road hazards for more than 50 miles Shifty LaRue before realizing that I am riding at the end of the pack and the cage drivers behind me really don’t care. Surely I am not the only rider in Iowa that has pulled up next to someone, hit the kill switch, spent 20 minutes straddling the bike and catching up on life gossip, then dismounted, walked away and turned around just in time to watch the bike slowly fall over. I am a slow learner, and they say if you do something 3 times it becomes a habit. That’s a habit I need to kick. And while on the topic of stupid shit. I had an ah ha moment this riding season, after meeting a cell phone moron that had once again drifted across the center line in front of me. I gave him the universal finger that enforces the fact that even though he is an idiot and has proven it with his astute driving skills, he is number one in my book. As our paths crossed, I realized this guy was meaner and uglier than anything I have ever seen in the mirror and he was riding the brakes with every intention of turning around to hunt me down. My warped mind was pretty sure that he wanted YouTube footage that he could sell by claiming it was better than the ending of the Easy Rider movie. Knowing my pocket heater is keeping shit warm in the saddlebag. My mind started racing with decisions. Do I pull over and let him catch up while frantically tossing everything out of the saddle bags on to the road? Or hit the throttle and haul ass out of there? If I could reach my equalizer from this position, my

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Black Tie – Black Leather Affair -- Shayla Bee Fund felt dressed up. Some had on jeans and a motorcycle shirt, others with a tie, others in a tuxedo, some bearing partial or full leathers. It was a melting pot of bikers, hot rodders, and businessmen and women. The event was a huge success, as they sold out of tickets at 425 seats for the event. The evening of food and fun included being able to check out Okoboji Classic O Cars facility, a Social Hour, Dinner, Keynote Speaker, Live Auction, and Entertainment by 176 Keys a Dueling Piano Musical Comedy Experience. It was an interesting evening for sure, and hopes they do the event again next year!

For almost 10 years now, Shayla Bee has been an organization in NW Iowa that has been doing great things for kids. As a group formed by and operated mainly by bikers, we have followed and supported them, and when we heard about one of their latest events, we had to be a part of it! On August 26th, they hosted a Black Tie – Black Leather Affair at Toby Shine’s place, e, Okoboji Classic Cars. If you like old or new hot rods, appreciate the world’s largest painted mural, dig historical aspects of the lakes area, or simply want to check out a cool place at the lakes, Okoboji Classic Cars is the place to go. We have been fortunate enough to get through that place more than once, and it is always amazing. Toby and crew opened their arms for Shayla Bee to hold their event here, and it was game on for a great time.

The Shayla Bee Fund is an organization with the following Mission Statement. “To help, responsible, working class families with a child in medical crisis.” Generally Shayla Bee Fund does not solicit donations. Most of the revenue comes from event based fundraising and voluntary donations. This organization broke the mold when it comes to charitable organizations. They are a 501 (c) 3 entity, but chose to do so their way, with over 90% of funds going to families in need of assistance. To date they have helped over one hundred families in NW Iowa in short of ten years. Check them out and get more information on Shayla Bee at

Now, you may wonder what a black tie/black leather event is about, as we had questions as well when we heard about it. It was an idea that was born several years ago, but took a bit of planning and organization to come to fruition. It was sparked by people that wanted to be a part of and help Shayla Bee, but are not riders. This was a way to join different worlds to benefit a mutual cause, and continue on with their motto, “Ordinary People Attempting Extraordinary Things”. They created this event for folks of all walks of life to come together to support Shayla Bee, and this classy event was one that could be attended however each person Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook


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Helmetsthe great debate I have mentioned in previous columns that I do not wear a helmet when I ride. I should clarify that- I do not wear a helmet when I ride a motorcycle. I do wear a helmet when I ride a snowmobile, but for me that is a matter of two dynamics that affect that choice. For one, it’s cold out there. I don’t think there is any kind of head gear short of a full helmet that can keep a person warm and comfortable at 5 degrees above zero and 80 miles an hour. The other dynamic is that that is a very unpredictable sport. Snow that you were once on top of can become an instant bottomless pit, and nasty items like green fence posts and cable guywires that hold up the telephone poles can pop up with no warning. Any of these things can turn the rider into an instant missile and the landings are really cold and hard. Been there, done that. I realize that this column sounds like it’s out of season, so bear with me a minute. The reason I bring this up during my column about motorcycle helmets is this- I don’t like how that snowmobile helmet, or any helmet, restricts my senses. I have a rear view mirror I wear on the back of my hand when I’m on the snow machine, and I use it constantly. I suspect the other riders think I’m the friendliest guy on the trail, but I’m not waving, I’m looking behind me. For the record, that is not a cheap helmet, it’s a good one, and yet it’s still like riding with my head up my butt. I would never wear it on a motorcycle. It just restricts my vision and hearing so badly that I don’t think it makes me any safer. Hats off to you guys that wear a full face helmet and face shield on a sport bike, I don’t know how you do it. The only helmet I ever settled on for motorcycle riding was a shorty/half helmet. We had to have a helmet on the shelf if we left AZ on bikes because NV and Cali were helmet states. I picked a shorty-style like you see law enforcement wearing because it didn’t block out my hearing. I spent 20 years riding on roads that were on average at least three lanes in each direction. I developed a sense of when a car or truck was in my blind spot or overtaking me. I depend on that skill and I know it’s kept me out of accidents. I was not willing to trade that awareness for the helmet unless I was legally required to wear it in a given state. Stated another way, I feel that my senses and awareness protect me from other vehicles, and the helmet would serve to protect me from myself. Me, I trust. Them, not so much. So speaking of protecting me from myself, I will finish where I’m going with this column. I’ll repeat that we need to stay on the favorable side of public opinion when we ride our bikes. I’m as fed up as the rest of you are about

motorists not paying attention to bikes, texting and driving, and running us down. But on the other hand, we really need to clean up our act when we ride. I had a 24 hour streak last month where I saw three of the dumbest riders I could imagine in a row. The first came at 5pm (the old QT, or quittin’ time as it’s known). There I was in my truck, pulling out of the lot at work. And here comes a rider, down the wrong side of the road, almost into the side of my truck. She was completely in the wrong lane, all the way against the curb, going about 30. I have no idea why any motorcyclist would choose to ride in the wrong lane. There wasn’t another car anywhere on the road. She glared at me when she ground to a halt. Really? Then, not two hours later, here’s Randy Rocket Bike, riding right in front of me as we approach a traffic light running about 40 mph. The light turned red against us, so he flipped lanes at the very last second so he could be first KZXZRCBR1000RR-1 in line when it turned green. Doing so caused three of four vehicles behind him to all have to lock up their brakes. This kind of riding is not good for our cause. They were all mad, and I was frankly embarrassed to have pro-motorcycle stickers on my truck right about then. And the very next morning, I met a rider on a two lane road. Here he comes, with feet out on the highway pegs and all smiles, right down the center of the road. Cars and trucks in both lanes had to pull over so he could take his half out of the middle. He wasn’t passing anyone; he was just being a jack-hole for the sport of it. I can tell you that if this trend continues, public sentiment will turn against riders and we will suffer the consequences. Legislation that is favorable to riders will no longer be a priority. Laws forcing us to protect ourselves from ourselves (like making all riders wear a helmet because of the actions of a few) can be expected to be on the table. So please, for the good of all good riders, I think the time is upon us to call out bad riding practices when we see it, before we all wish we had our freedom back. Have a safe and enjoyable fall ride. Mark Mullins, President, MAG

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you have a large group I would caution you on the full order, when they arrive, it don’t appear to be much different than other “full” orders you get but what causes the misinterpretation of the quantity is that they are served in more of a bowl than a plate!!!! It almost seems bottomless!!! For my main course I elected to have a plain old Bacon Cheeseburger (I know... boooorrrrring!!!!!). Well at the Ankeny Diner, although they have specialty burgers, “plain old” is anything but plain old!!!!! All of their burgers are ½ lb. broiled to your order and served with a variety of toppings. The Bacon Cheeseburger comes with Swiss cheese by default but I decided to mix it up a bit and change that to Pepper Jack!

Ankeny Diner 133 SE Delaware Ave Ankeny, IA 50021 515.965.1987 Reservations and To Go orders: 515.964.7851 Hours: Sun-Thu: 6AM-9PM, Fri-Sat: 6AM-11PM A long time ago I was once told that if you wanted to find a good breakfast in a strange town, just look for the place with all the pickup trucks around it. Well, we didn’t go to the Ankeny Diner for breakfast since it was after 7PM (although we could have had breakfast at that time, they serve their breakfast menu all day!) but I envision the pickups surrounding the place every morning!!! The Ankeny Diner is located in what I call the “motel district” on the east side of Ankeny just off of I-35 at the 92 exit. It is a part of the Ramada Inn which makes it very easy to find. They offer not only traditional sit-down dining and a cocktail area but they also have banquet facilities and offer catering. The banquet area combined with being attached to the motel makes this the perfect destination for a large weekend gathering such as a rally or a family reunion! The menu offers a little bit of everything including breakfast, soups, salads, appetizers, burgers, sandwiches, dinners, and of course, deserts. Although most of these are standards you are used to seeing on a menu, they put their own spin on many of them, making for a wide variety of choices. Although I didn’t try it (gotta save something for return visits!!!), they have a spin on their fries called Wets, and these are fries with some beef or turkey gravy. I am looking forward to checking these out at my next visit! I was very impressed with the speed that our orders were delivered to our table! They were moderately busy and with the wide variety of their menu I anticipated a moderate wait but this was not the case! Our waitress, Tracy, was prompt, helpful and very attentive to our needs without being overbearing. I was especially impressed when it seemed that after taking an exceptionally large bite of my burger I would look up and see her approaching. This normally leads to the “How is everything?” question which can only be answered with unintelligible mumblings through a food filled mouth making you sound like a candidate for a padded room! (Not that there’s anything wrong with that, if you’ve never been in one, they can be quite comfortable!) Each time she would smile as she passed and keep on going! For this foray into culinary bliss Lynnette and I both chose to keep it pretty simple and check out some basics with twists. When ordering our beverages we also had a full order of their homemade “breaded on the spot” onion rings prepared for an appetizer. These onion rings actually arrived before we placed our main order!!! It was as though we had our own personal chef waiting just beyond the bi-swing doors to the kitchen like a fullback in the backfield waiting to receive the handoff of our order!!!! The onion rings are the light and crispy variety and are extremely tasty!!! Unless 34 - TRMI OCTOBER 2016

(oooo, daring, right?) This cheese in combination with the thick cut Iowa Bacon was the perfect complement to the beef that it crowned. I added a little ketchup and mustard and OH LORDY that was one mighty fine burger!!!! You do get your choice of fries or a house salad with all the burgers. Since I had been chowing down on the onion rings I thought the fries might be a bit heavy so I went with the salad. My main plan being to leave enough room for something for desert! Well, even though I had my heart set on their Banana Split (which they purport as “Quite possibly the biggest dessert ever.”) or at least a Vanilla Malt, I failed and couldn’t even finish the salad!!! I know I’ve said it before but if you leave here hungry, it’s your own fault!!!!! Lynnette decided to go down the breakfast path with a half order of Biscuits and Gravy and a side of Hash browns with Gravy over them. Now, I need you to understand that I assumed a HALF order and the hash browns would be served on one plate with gravy over all of it. Well, I couldn’t have been more wrong!!!!! Each came on their own plate and I don’t know what kind of plate they serve a FULL order Biscuits and Gravy on but it must be more like a serving platter!!!! I had never thought of putting sausage gravy on hash browns but I must say it is quite delicious! The Ankeny Diner, they have been serving awesome food since 2003. I have now added them to my ever expanding list of favorite places to eat... you should too!!!! Check out their website where you’ll find their menu, a listing of specials and other information. Also “Like” them on Facebook at Until next month, ride safe and eat hearty! Craig Little PS If you have someplace you think we should check out in your neck of the woods, shoot me an email.

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Wife and husband have bought condoms with different flavors. Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavor. As kess ke soon as he turns off the light, she takes a! it in the mouth and says: Gorgonzola! Wait, it is not on yet.

would woul wo uldd explode ul ex xpl p od odee an andd hhe would most likely die instantly. “”Oh, “”Oh “” Oh,, I am Oh m ssorry” or said the Governor. On the next floo oorr th they the eey y ppassed a a room where a young nurse wass giving wa givvviingg a patient a blow job. “Oh my God”, gi ssa said aid d the Governor, “What’s happening in there? “The Doctor replied, “Same problem, better health plan.”

Q: What did the scary witch do when her broomstick broke? A: She had to witch-hike!

Q: What is Count Dracula’s blood type? A A: The same as his lunch, bright red!

John just graduated from clinical psychology and opens his first office. e e. After some successful advertising hee iiss astounded to have nearly 300 peoplee wa w wanting ant n in ng to be in group therapy. John decidess tto o re r nt rent nt a big hall and invite the entire group. To o bbreak reak re a ak the ice, and to get the therapy started, d JJohn ohn ohn oh decides to ask a show of hands how often the attendees had sex. He first asks for a show of hands of all the people who had sex almost every night. A modest number of hands were raised. He then asks, how many had sex once a week? This time a larger number of hands were raised. John then asks how many had sex once or twice a month? Again a few hands were raised. After John polled his group several more times he noticed one guy sitting off to the side with this huge beaming grin on his face. John noticed that the guy never raised his hand, so he asked him how often he had sex. The guy said, “Once a year!” To John’s dismay, he responds, “Why are you so happy getting sex only once a year?”. The grinning guy responds, “Tonight’s the night!”

Little Li Li Johnny watched his daddy’s car pass pa by the school playground and go int iin into t the woods. Curious, he followed tth the he car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane iin n a passionate embrace. Little Johnny ffound fo ouun undd this so exciting that he could hardly hha ardl contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. ‘Mummy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane...’ At this point Mummy cut him off and said, ‘Johnny, this is such an interesting story, lets save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy’s face when you tell it tonight.’ At the dinner table that evening, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, ‘I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Q: What’s the true ratio of a pumpkin’s circumference to its Daddy was away on the road. diameter? A: Pumpkin Pi! Q: What is a vampire’s pet peeve? A: A Tourniquet! Wife : “I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars. Three old ladies are sitting around a table playing bridge “Husband : “How about the ones like mine? and bragging about their sons. “My Freddie,” said Margaret, “Wife : “Those they gave away. “Everyone should be so lucky to have a son like my “Husband : “I had a dream too...I dreamt they were Freddie. Once a week he brings me a huge bouquet of auctioning off vaginas. The pretty ones went for a thousand flowers, he’s constantly bringing me out to restaurants to dollars, and the little tight ones went for two thousand. eat, if I so much as hint that I want something the next “Wife : “And how much for the ones like mine? morning it’s on my doorstep.” “That’s very nice about “Husband : “That’s where they held the auction. your Freddie”, says Gertrude. “But with all due respect, when I think about the way my Sammy takes care of me, it just can’t compare. Every morning as soon as I wake Q: How do you rid a horror-able ghost from your home? up he greets me with bacon and freshly brewed coffee. A: Ask him to split the bills! Every lunch he comes over and cooks me a gourmet lunch, and every supper he brings me to his house for supper, he truly treats me like a queen.” “WELL!” Says Barbara “I The Governor was visiting one of Iowa’s top hospitals, and don’t want to make any of you feel bad or anything, but during the tour of the floors he passed a room where a male wait until you hear about my Harry, twice a week he pays patient was masturbating. “Oh my god!”, said the Governor, someone $200 an hour just so he can lie on their couch “That’s disgraceful, what is the meaning of this???”The and talk to them, and who do you think he speaks about at doctor leading the tour explains, “I’m sorry your honor, this those prices? Asks Barbara with a big excited double chin man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly smile, “I’ll tell you who he speaks about! ALL HE SPEAKS fill with semen. If he doesn’t do that five times a day, they ABOUT IS ME!” 36 - TRMI OCTOBER 2016

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Q: What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A: A roamin’ Catholic.

biggest thing you have and stick it in her hairiest spot!” The groom is quiet for a moment and then asks his mother, “I’ve got my nose in her armpit, now what?”

The leader of the vegetarian society just couldn’t control himself anymore. He just needed to try some pork, just to see what it tasted like. So one summer day he told his members he was going on a vacation. He packed out of town, and headed to the nearest restaurant. After sitting down, he ordered a roasted pig, and impatiently waited for his delicacy. After just a few minutes, he heard someone call his name, and to his great chagrin he saw one of his fellow members walking towards him. Just at that same moment, the waiter walked over, with a huge platter, holding a full roasted pig with an apple in its mouth. “Isn’t that something,” says the leader after only a moment’s pause, “all I do is order an apple, and look what it comes with!

Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?” The other monster replied, “Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.” I’m going to celebrate Halloween the same way I always do... by murdering a bunch of teens by the lake. Sincerely, Michael Myers

A homo went to Denmark to have a sex change operation performed. When ‘SHE’ returned, a friend asked, “How did it go?” “Oh awful, just awful!” she replied. “What was so awful?” asked the friend, “Did it hurt a lot when they removed the extra parts?” “Oh no,” she replied, “That wasn’t bad at all.” “Well, did it hurt when they put in the silicone implants?” the friend asked. “Oh no, that wasn’t bad either!” she replied. “Well then,” asked the friend, “What was so awful?” “It was when they cut a hole in my head and took out half my brain!” A young couple gets between the sheets for the first time. In a flash it’s over. The boy says, ‘If I’d known you were a virgin I’d have taken more time.’ His girlfriend replies, ‘If I’d known you were going to take more time I’d have taken off my tights.’ Two old women were talking about their sex lives. Ethel was upset because her sex life had really died, while Mildred said her sex life was great. Mildred counseled Ethel, “When my Sammy is getting ready for bed, I get undressed, lie on the bed, and put both legs behind my head. When he sees me like that, he gets so excited, we have wild sex the rest of the night.” Ethel said, “I’m going to try that tonight.” While Ethel’s husband Harold was in the bathroom that night, she took off all her clothes. She struggled to get both legs behind her head. After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel fell backwards and couldn’t move. Harold came out of the bathroom with a shocked look on his face. “For God’s sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in. You look like an a**hole.” Two Italian virgins marry and go on their honeymoon. Unfortunately, neither knows what to do when they get there. The newlyweds call the groom’s mother for advice. The mother says that they should sit on the bed together, snuggle, and things should happen from there. The newlyweds do this, but nothing happens. The groom calls his mother back. She says they should take their clothes off, get under the covers, and nature should take its course. The bride and groom take his mother’s advice, but still nothing comes to mind. He calls his mother a third time. Getting frustrated with the situation, she says, “Listen, just take the Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook

TRMI OCTOBER 2016 - 37

Something we see all too often these days is disrespect of America and the flag that we hold dear as a symbol of our freedom. The Old Glory Ride is a motorcycle ride that represents all that is noble in our country…the love of freedom that still runs deep in many Americans. The Old Glory Ride was started by Doug and Lidia Bringer out of Homestead as a way to help support the fallen officers, fire fighters, and military personnel of this great country. It averages 170 miles of beautiful scenic Iowa roads and makes all scheduled stops at American Legion Posts along the way. There is no charge to join the ride, but there is one requirement which allows you full access to all aspects of the Old Glory Ride…you have to fly an American Flag. Pretty simple request, yet creates a compelling front when a long line of bikes tear up the asphalt in a parade of red, white, and blue. Each year, all proceeds are donated to Veterans Programs.

dynamic duo spends a lot of their free time trying to help Veterans by organizing this run. Fun fact about these two…they are funny as hell, and just about as proud as they can be to be called “Americans”.

old glory ride

This year’s ride left from Swisher on a sunny Saturday morning in August and while it was originally scheduled to be about 170 miles, was extended due to road construction…no problems there…the longer the ride, the better. We hit the Legion posts in Vinton, Conrad, Tama, and Marengo. We had a great lunch with some killer pulled pork at the Conrad American legion midway through the run. In addition to giving out some cool door prizes, Doug and Lidia had some nice items up for auction to help raise funds, as well as a donation site for canned goods to support the local food bank.

So, I previously mentioned that The Old Glory Ride is the brainchild of Doug and Lidia. Homestead may be just a dot on the map, but it is home to at least 2 cool cats. Doug works at the VA as well as being the proprietor of Over the Hill Graphics in Homestead. His spunky wife Lidia works at the VA as well as the Cedar Rapids Airport, but this

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All in all, the Old Glory Ride is a great event. If supporting a great cause, travelling some great asphalt, and getting an opportunity to hang out with some great people is your forte, then join in the fun next year. If you haven’t been out for the ride before, make sure to check it out next year… The Old Glory Ride…the perfect way to show your respect for Veterans and the red, white, and blue!

Melanie Schwarte

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Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook

TRMI OCTOBER 2016 - 39

Sep 24 Sep 24 Sep 24 Sep 24 Sep 24 Sep 24 Sep 24-25 Sep 25 Sep 25 Oct 1 Oct 1 Oct 2 Oct 2 Oct 8 Oct 8 Oct 9 Oct 15

Carroll Cycle Center New Model Open House Carroll 4th Annual Mainstreet Bar Shayla Bee Ride Terril 1st annual Joshua J. Callahan Memorial Ride Waukee 10th Annual Cedar County Heroes Memorial Ride/Poker Run Tipton 26th Annual Fall Open House Wiebler’s HD Davenport 2nd Cruise Night Heartland H-D Burlington Riverside Raceway Flat Track Races & Motorcross Winterset R/J Performance Fun Days in Eddyville Oktemberfest Motorcycle Show & Rodeo Marshalltown Ride For Mario Metro Harley-Davidson Cedar Rapids Hell On Wheels Vintage Chopper Show Donnellson ABATE D15 32nd Annual Toy Run w/USMC Reserves Davenport Carroll Cycle Center Toy Run Carroll Fall Open House Heartland H-D Burlington 3rd Waypoint Gentleman Ride Cedar Rapids Carroll Cycle Center Fall Harvest Ride Carroll Tall Corn Run End of Year Prize Drawing Okoboji HD

40 - TRMI OCTOBER 2016

Oct 15 Oct 15 Oct 15 Oct 15-16 Oct 22 Nov 11-12 Nov 18 Nov 25 Nov 25 Dec 10 Dec 17

Rumble In The Sand Outlaw Drags Conesville 2nd Brigade Motorcycle Club Veteran’s Open House/Auction R/J Performance Ottumwa ABATE D15 Harvest Run Davenport Riverside Raceway Flat Track & Motorcross Races Winterset Hog Roast Metro Cedar Rapids ABATE of Iowa STEAM Marshalltown Carroll Cycle Center Ladies Night Out Carroll Carroll Cycle Center Mens Night Out Carroll Black Friday Metro Cedar Rapids Santa Visits Metro Cedar Rapids Holiday Open House Big Barn Des Moines

2017 Jan 29 May 7 Aug 26

Wild Wade’s High Performance Swap Meet Des Moines 11th Annual Blessing of the Bikes Blue Grass Jami Jam VI: Ride For Mental Health Action & Awareness Terril

Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook

Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa October 2016  

Iowa's Biker Magazine, About IOWA, For IOWA, From IOWA