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March…just how ow hhave ow ave av ve w wee alr already reaady dy aarrived rriv rr ived iv ved d at the start of spri sp spring? pri ring ingg? O Orr m ma maybe ayybbe the the th question should d be b hhow oow w hhas as iitt ta ttaken take akeen so damn long tto o gge get et to o sspring’s prin pr in ng’ gs doorstep? Either hheer way w wa way, ay, y, M March arrcch h is here, spring iiss uupon ppoon us pon us, and that meanss oone ne tthing ne hing hi ingg for sure…it is ttime im me tto o get your two w wheeled h elleed he d friends off the ttr trickle ric ickkl kle chargers and ready eady ea for the road. W While hilee hile hi we all know that riding season equals happiness, despite the urge ge ge to head out on tthe he firrst he st warm day, there re ar are re a lot of important ntt tthings hiinggs we should all do bbefore efor ef for ore we leave the garage arag ar agee in n search of long ooverdue vveerd rduee rdue wind therapy sessions. Always check your rubbers. Your tires and wheels are vital to successful riding, and can easily suffer during winter storage months. Check your air pressure, check for any dry rot or flatness in your tires, tighten or adjust spoke wheels if needed, and make sure the tire tread depth is good. Check all controls, including all levers, pedals, cables (clutch and brake), hoses and throttle. They all need work smoothly and move freely. Ensure your lights and mirrors all light up and work properly. Change any bulbs that are out. Check oil and other fluid levels and ensure they are not too thick or dark. A quick once over on belts and chains is also a good idea. This sounds like a lot of busy work standing between you and the road, but it is all important to ensure your safety on the road. Bikers have enough to worry about
while riding, so don’t make preventative maintenance issues an additional worry. Considering the laundry list to prepare for riding season, we should all start looking at our bikes soon. You might have to buy or order parts and if it needs a dealership, appointments book fast this time of year. If you are not handy in the garage, there are plenty of reputable service providers right here on our pages that can help you get your riding season started off on the right foot. There are still some opportunities to get out to swap meets before riding season gets into full swing, so if you haven’t made it to any recently, take some time to support the great folks who put forth the effort to put them on for the biker community each year. A lot of work goes in to pulling off a successful weekend show. The past couple of years have been hard on all of us. We have all suffered personally from the plandemic that has seemingly leeched its way into every facet of our lives. Sadly, there are many businesses that have disappeared from our pages due to this, and there are businesses that have held on against all odds the last couple of years. Please continue to support these businesses that have supported TRMI through all of the punches the last two years have thrown our way, we know they all appreciate your loyalty.
But, enough chit chat. I feel warmer days approaching, and none of us wants to be left behind when that first line of two (or three) wheeled machines goes roaring by on our streets. Time to get out to the garage and make sure things On the cover this month we have a vintage view are ready for riding. See you all soon! of Nate Ullrich’s 1938 Knucklehead Bobber. The photo was shot on location at Nate’s dad’s farm Sitting in for Vernon, near Clinton, with Nate’s first garage from high- Melanie school days in the background, and his dad’s “Spring will come and so will happiness. Hold on. Life will upholstery shop built from and old machine get warmer.” -Anita Krizzan shed with a slat board corn-crib on the side.
On the Cover
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I would like to believe that by the time this reaches print things would be looking better. Hah! Right now, the weather still stinks, you can’t order the bike parts you want and it’s too cold in the garage to do much of anything anyway. But yes, there are a few bright spots peeking over the horizon. The Capitol City Custom event should be in the books by now; Parts Girls Promotions swaps in Cedar Rapids and Rock Island are looming; the World of Wheels is fast approaching; etc. . . . Sometimes we just have to step back, take a deep breath, grab the event list on the back page of this magazine and pray for good times again. I think most of us would like to see good times again with hope, normalcy and balance returned. For some reason with all that’s currently going on in our former glorious republic, the image of drowning rats, desperately paddling in the rain barrel of life comes to mind. It can be a pretty overwhelming, dismal- looking picture if we let ourselves be so focused. Unfortunately, the current world and country trends seem to run towards division, discord and disinformation. I guess it’s to be expected but not welcomed.
not grow weary and lose heart. He is the one that knows when The devil, who is also called the father of lies, is very good at manipulation, deception and counterfeit hope to calm the storms and fulfilment. He would have us to believe that we in our and knows what we own intellect and understanding can fix, create and make the need more than we world right. Like a metric bike with fake plastic chrome, it’s do. We must trust that God’s character a false premise that we can lock down, lock out, mandate, vaccinate, dictate and eradicate any and all problems as the and purpose for our lives is bigger than powers-that-be would promise. our circumstances, mistakes and failures. Proverbs 14:12 says, “There is a way that seems right unto man, but its end is the way of death.” The bottom When we are looking for God our faith is line is, it’s all about control: control of power, money, activated and we can resources, time and every aspect of people’s lives. History say as Ralph Waldo has shown us time and time again that a government Emerson said, “All I without God is a government that takes away liberties. have seen makes me They make false promises that won’t work and in the end trust the Creator for are just destructive to a godly and productive society. Our what I haven’t seen.” Founding Fathers, having themselves a godly foundation, were able by seeking His wisdom to create a system that Blessings, Mark would prosper and give us the best shot at life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. In the Bible we are told to search Mark and Karla Cornick are with the Christian out the wisdom from above, seek peace and pursue it and Motorcyclists Association. Find out more about CMA and the understanding that only he is able to provide. God’s plan for you at www.cma.org Those today desiring control must try to distance people from God to help them perpetrate their deceptive agenda. But the book of Ecclesiastes says God has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what He has done from beginning to end. The enemy of our souls tries to twist our heart’s desire for the true God and a Christian civilization by subterfuge, bait and switch tactics, and smoke and mirrors. He would attempt to derail our desire for God by creating mini-gods of climate change, tolerance, science, and equity - things that may sound good on the surface but are bent towards a different nefarious outcome. While we may not be able to stop the storms of life, the question is then, do we trust in the one that brings us through the storm? I’ve heard the analogy that not all storms are destructive but some may be necessary to blow something bad through so we can see the sun again. The book of Hebrews tells us to “fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith”, and in so doing we will 6 - TRMI MARCH 2022
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The Biker Friendly Business Directory is a list of establishments throughout Iowa that sponsor the magazine. You can pick up your copy here every month. Let them know that you saw them in TRMI. If your business would like to advertise in Thunder Roads Iowa Biker Friendly Business Listing and become a part of the network, please email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
Biker Accessories Crispy’s Biker Apparel Cedar Rapids, Iowa Find Us On Facebook
Dealers Baxter Cycle 311 4th Street Marne, Iowa 51552 712-781-2351 www.baxtercycle.com Big Barn Harley-Davidson 81 NW 49th Place Des Moines, Iowa 50313 515-265-4444 www.bigbarnhd.net
Indian Motorcycle of Mason City Mason City Powersports 12499 265th Street Mason City 641-423-3181 Masoncitypowersportsinc.com Loess Hills Harley-Davidson 57408 190th Street Pacific Junction IA 51561 712-800-3500 loesshillshd.com Metro Harley-Davidson 2415 Westdale Drive SW Cedar Rapids, Iowa 52404 319-362-9496 www.metro-motorsports.com Route 65 Harley-Davidson 1300 S Jefferson Way Indianola, Iowa 50125 515.962.2160 www.route65hd.net Storm Lake Honda 3040 Expansion Blvd Storm Lake, Iowa 50588 StormLakeHonda.com 712-732-2460 Zylstra Harley-Davidson 1930 E 13th Street Ames, Iowa 50010 515-232-6223 zylstrahd.com
Okoboji Classic Cars Museum and Restoration Shop 810 Jeppeson Road West Okoboji, Iowa 51351 712-332-8029
Food and Drink
(Popular Poker & Fun Run Locations)
Haverhill Social Club 202 1st Street Haverhill, Iowa 50120 641-475-3321 Tues-Sat 10-2, Sun 12-12
Bea’s Place 108 N Main St Baxter 641-227-2080 Check Us Out on Facebook Food, Live Music, Bike Nights
Iowa Legendary Rye 707 N Main Street Carroll, Iowa 51401 Iowalegendaryrye.com
Bloodline Irish Pub 214 Public Square Greenfield, Iowa 50849 Bloodline Irish Pub on Facebook
J.R. Willie’s Gateway to the Beautiful Hill Country Colesburg, IA 563-856-5095 Open Daily Mon-Sun 11AM Home of the Willie Whopper
Catfish Charlie’s On the Mississippi River 1630 E. 16th Street Dubuque, IA 52001 (563)582-8600 www.CatfishCharliesDubuque.com
Just 1 More 515-570-4206 641-757-0159 309 Railway Jamaica, Iowa 50128 KC’s Tavern 120 N Main Street Bridgewater, Iowa 50837 Mon-Fri 4:30-Close, Sat-Sun 2-Close Find Us on FB 641-369-5010
Midway Tavern 206 1st Street Soldier, Iowa 712-884-2230 www.midwaytavernsoldier.com
Entertainment
Edwards Motorsports and RV’s 1010 34th Avenue Council Bluffs, Iowa 51501 712-366-8400
Book Em Dano’s 33 S Main Street Denison, Iowa 51442 712-263-9818 Mon-Sat 4-2 Dancers Nightly 5-1:30
Chili Dawg’s Foods of Fire 1940 Blair Ridge Road Blair, NE 68008 www.chilidawgs.com Retail/Online Spice and Seasoning Store Desperados 105 E 5th Street Atlantic 712-243-7087 Home of Cold Beer, Good Times, Pizza & Wings
National Motorcycle Museum 102 Chamber Drive Anamosa, Iowa 52205 319-462-3925 Nationalmcmuseum.org
Firehouse Bar 1211 5th Street Downtown Sioux City, IA 712-224-1020 Open Daily at 12:00
Heartland Harley-Davidson 117 S Roosevelt Ave Burlington, IA 52601 319-754-1100 www.heartlandhd.com
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Goozman’s Westside Bar & Grill 1019 7th St Harlan, Iowa 712-755-2259 Goozman’s Westside on Facebook
American Legion Post 111 1101 W 4th Street S Newton 641-792-3353 Open to the Public 7 Days a Week Newtonamericanlegion111.org
Carroll Cycle Center 1327 Plaza Dr Carroll, Iowa 712-792-1610 www.carrollcycle.com
fullthrottleia.com or edwardsrvs.com
Flaming Office 201 W High Street Toledo 641-484-2255 Outdoor Patio, Happy Hour 5-7 Flaming Office on Facebook & Google
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Mi Casa Family Restaurant 512 Market Street Harlan, Iowa 51537 712-755-2258 Enjoy Drinks at the Full Bar!
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Montgomery Street Pub 207 East Montgomery Street Creston, Iowa 50801 641-782-2165 Papa Joe’s 117 South 6th Street Missouri Valley, Iowa 51555 712-642-9015 Pearl Street Social Club 110 Pearl Street SW Shellsburg, Iowa 52332 319-436-7100 Find Us On Facebook! Pines Steakhouse Oinkers Lounge & Grill
1500 E 7th Street Atlantic, Iowa 50022 712-243-3606 M-F 11AM-, S-S 4PMRiverside Tavern 450 E Main St Lehigh, Iowa 50557 515-359-9998 Email:riversidetap@gmail.com Sandbar 103 North Noyes Street Mondamin, Iowa 51557 712-646-2300 Facebook Sandbar Mondamin Sidetracked 206 West Union Street Creston, Iowa 50801 641-782-8534 Stumpy’s Bar & Grill 423 Main Street Duncombe, Iowa 50532 515-543-4222 Stumpy’s Bar & Grill on Facebook Sugar’s Diner & Lounge 2725 E Kanesville Blvd Council Bluffs, Iowa 712-322-3600 Check us out on Facebook
The Exchange 171 S Elm Street Avoca, Iowa 51521 712-343-2609 Lang’s Pizza, Cold Beer, Sports The Full Nelson 205 West 2nd Street Halbur, Iowa 51444 712-658-2425 The Full Nelson on Facebook The Garage 621 K45 Whiting, Iowa 51063 (712)420-5895 Facebook The Garage The Place2B! 116 N. Federal Ave Mason City, IA 50401 M-F 3p-2a S-S 2p-2a Find Us On Facebook The Yankee Clipper 312 SW Maple St Ankeny, Ia 50023 515-964-9484 yankeeclipperbar.com VFW Post 9662 Bar and Grill 1309 NE 66th Ave Des Moines 515 - 289 - 9914 and Facebook Vic’s Main Tap 304 Broadway Audubon, Iowa 50025 712-563-2122 Opens M-F 2-Close, Sat 9-Close, Sun 12-Close Whiskey Barrel Pub and Eatery 112 E Jefferson Street Prairie City, Iowa 50228 515-630-9639 Whiskey Barrel Pub and Eatery on FB Wilson’s Tap and Recreation 1008 Story Street Boone, Iowa 50036/ 515-433-1395
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Guns and Ammo
Photo and Art
JLM Shooters Supply 6931 Douglas Avenue Urbandale, Iowa 50322 jlmshooterssupply@gmail.com 515-331-1577
Ullrich Photography PO Box 1842 Clinton, Iowa 52733 563-243-8715 www.natanic.com
Hobbies & Collectibles Shops & Fabricators Treasure Island Diecast/Facebook Hot Wheels, M2, Matchbox, Jada Ertl, Lightning, Harley, Maisto Buy-Sell-Trade 641-521-8036 rayaustinhd@gmail.com
Insurance & Financial
Butterfield’s M.C. Parts 8025 Blondo Street Omaha, NE 68134 402-391-3768 Chuck’s Cycle Service and Repair S&S and Drag Specialties Dealer 714 East 7th Street Washington, Iowa52353 319-461-5278
O’Malley Wealth Mgmt. 5623 NW 86th Street Suite 400 Johnston, Iowa 50131 515-490-0930
Cycle Clinic 2209 ML King Pkwy Des Moines, Iowa 50314 cycleclinicdm.com 515-288-6954
State Farm Clark Ahrenholtz, Agent NMLS# 1679997 2114 12th Street Harlan, Iowa 712-755-5724 Clark.ahrenholtz.jb69@statefarm.com
F & J Racing 701 N 3rd Ave Marshalltown, Iowa 50158 641-752-8651 www.fandjracing.com
Legal Hupy and Abraham sc, pc Lawyers for Bikers 800.800.5678 Hupy.com TheBikerLawyers.com The Biker Lawyers, P.C. Riding & Defending Your Rights for Over 30 Years 877-209-9452
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Mean Machine Cycle Parts Elkhart, Iowa 50073 Stereos, Bars, LED Lights, Air Ride Mon-Fri 9-6, Sat 9-12 515-367-7336 Motorcycle Medic 3176 Highway 30 Woodbine, Iowa 51579 712-647-2818 Open Tues-Sat Noon-6PM Nelson Machine & Forge General Machining, Ornamental Iron, Weld/Fab 70 Washington Street Marne, Iowa 51552 712-781-2220
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Road Rage BikeWorks 401 High Street Avoca, Iowa 51521 712-307-6111 Road Rage BikeWorks on Facebook Steffens Cycle and Detailing 1311 E 7th Street Atlantic, Iowa 50022 712-250-8493 steffenscycle@gmail.com
Tires
Trailers
Sandbothe Firestone 1106 Main Street Griswold, Iowa 51535 712-778-2223 Sandbothe Firestone on Facebook
Lacaeyse Trailer Sales 4192 HWY 146 Grinnell Trailers & Truck Accessories 641-990-2674 www.lacaeysetrailers.com
To buy ad space for your business or service in our directory, give us call at 712-249-5630 or email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
Thunder Road Cycles 4106 Rockingham Rd Davenport, Iowa 52802 563-323-3172 Thunder Road Cycles on Facebook
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not so USELESS RAMBLINGS
YOU ARE AFRAID! Well, maybe not those of you reading this, but you know someone who is. Maybe it’s your sister or your brother or maybe it’s your aunt or best friend; whomever it is, you know someone that is afraid. You know someone that has been wearing a mask since early 2019 almost 24/7; maybe even in their own home or in their own car while alone. You know someone that has listened to every new report on the latest case count and it terrifies them. You know someone that hasn’t gone back to work and barely leaves their house, reduced to ordering all of the groceries and household supplies through online shopping and delivery services.
hand sanitizer, paper towels, and rubber gloves. Food supplies, baby formula, bottled water all became scarce because blue and pink haired wingnuts freaked out and bought enough to survive the zombie apocalypse. Then came the face masks, face shields, even goggles. People were literally wrapping themselves in plastic, taping themselves inside plastic bags, and even buying themselves biohazard suits with respirators like they were going to be entering the reactors at Chernobyl.
People don’t need to wear masks. People need to wear a mask. People don’t need a mask around family, just when they are in public. Wear your mask while walking to your table at a restaurant, but you can take it off when you sit down. Cloth masks work fine. Cloth masks don’t do anything. Get a N95 mask. Any face covering will work. Seriously? Does anyone really know anything at this point? One of the biggest fear machines that has been chugging along for a very long time is climate change. Before climate I have no idea what the currently mask to face ratio is anymore. change, it was global warming. Before that it was global cooling. A quick online search reveals that there are videos and online reports about “The New Ice Age” with predicted Just today I heard that a cloth mask is still good, but you can put tape all around the edges and stick it down to your face. dates of 2021, 2024, 2030, even an early 1938 was in You’re even better protected if you put cotton rolls under the list. The pattern to notice here is that the ice age gets predicted, the fear machine fires up, the date gets closer and the mask before you tape it down. You can also put rubber nothing happens, so a new report with a new date prediction bands around your entire head to hold the mask tighter to your face. Alternatively, you can use gauze wrapped around is put out so the fear machine can keep chugging along. your face over the mask; this method was referred to as The polar ice caps are melting. The ocean levels are rising. “The Mummy Method”. Another suggestion was to wear the The rain forests are disappearing. Global temperatures have mask, but put a nylon (yes, your pantyhose!) over your head and mask. WTF? Are you going to the bank? risen 1/10th of a degree in the past 7 years! The yellowbellied Brazilian three toed tree newt is going to go blind Vaccinated people will not get the virus. from heat exhaustion! The fish are going to drown! For Oops. Vaccinated people won’t be hospitalized because of God’s sake, man, think about Frosty the Snowman! the virus… Oops. Double vaccinated people won’t be hospitalized The current fear machine is COVID-19, that monstrous because of the virus… coronavirus that is sweeping the world killing humans by the hundreds of thousands. We’ve all heard about it, we’ve Oops. Boosted people won’t be hospitalized because of the virus... probably all had it at least once or we’ll get one of the Oops. You might need a 3rd and 4th booster shot... variants, eventually. Oops. Vaccinated people won’t die from the virus… We were told it was going to kill millions if we didn’t lock Oops. down the country (the world). Just two weeks, right? Fifteen days to flatten the curve, remember? Businesses shuttered. People will still scream at you to “Follow the science!” but they can never admit to you that they don’t have a clue what People locked themselves in their homes. Hell, people are they are talking about. There are multiple reports out now STILL staying home. Businesses are STILL shuttered. Thousands of small businesses across the country are closed that masking isn’t changing anything, it’s not effective like forever. Fifteen days… just two weeks, right? Where are we they initially said it would be, but we still have businesses at right now… day 817? Honestly, I’ve lost count… not that requiring masks for employees and signs on the doors for customers There are even full states that have masking I was ever really counting. requirements… for those that are still afraid enough to comply. The entire country lost their minds during the lock downs. Do you remember how hard it was to find a roll of TP? People were loading up carts with massive piles, like they were stocking the Empire State Building. Cleaning supplies, FLIP THE PAGE AND CONTINUE READING Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook www.thunderroadsiowa.com TRMI MARCH 2022 - 13
And let’s not forget the masking of our children in school. We must save the children, right? Do it for the children! Just don’t pay any attention to those that are on TV demanding this of you and your children, while they sit there amongst your children for a photo-op… mask less, grinning like an idiot. Pay no attention to the braying ass that shames the governor of Florida for his lack of mask & vaccine mandates and claims that he is killing Floridians, but the very next week is vacationing in Florida, hanging at swanky hotels, sunning herself on the patio with her boy toy… maskless. The fear. The constant fear machine chugging along. How are we allowing ourselves to be so scared all the time? How did we become so soft? Where is our fighting spirit? When did we lose our proverbial balls? Why must there always be a fear machine? Because scared people are easier to control. Those that push the narratives are the very source of the fuel for the fear machines. They create the supposed problem, convince you to be afraid, tell you that they can fix the problems that they created, but you’ll just need to comply. Pay higher taxes and they can fix climate change. Just comply. Stay at home and inject yourself with this vaccine and we’ll rid the world of this virus. Just comply. They’re lying to you. It’s not about fixing anything. It’s not about saving you from anything. It’s about control. And they’re winning. They are taking your freedoms, your liberties, your control… and you’re letting them. “They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.”Benjamin Franklin David McCoy david@thunderroadsiowa.com
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With spring just around the corner, we’re looking back at warmer days with Nate Ullrich’s Knucklehead bobber seen in his garage, with a leggy beauty named Jaime straddling it. Nate’s Knuckle might look familiar as it was featured on the cover of Natanic’s Pin-ups calendar last year, and if you follow Natanic’s calendars you might recognize Jaime as a calendar girl from a few years ago too! See more at www.Natanic.com
to order the prime rib special and I opted for something out of my normal wheelhouse…the mac and cheese with pulled pork. Shortly after placing our orders, Allie delivered a plate piled high with golden rings to our table. The sweet onions were perfectly fried in crispy beer batter, and on the side was sriracha ranch for dipping the delicious rings. We happily devoured the appetizer, and before we had even finished the last one, Allie was back at the table with our entrees.
The Handlebar Restaurant 1607 Sugar Grove Ave Dallas Center, IA 50063 515-992-8014
HOURS: Monday & Tuesday - Closed Wednesday & Thursday - 4pm to 9pm Friday & Saturday – 11am to 9pm Sunday – 10am to 2pm
Vernon ordered his prime rib rare, with green beans and French fires on the side. The green beans were fresh cooked beans, not your average canned variety, and the fries were crispy golden potato perfection. The HUGE cut of prime rib on his plate was a masterfully cooked piece of juicy beef excellence. Well -seasoned and piping hot, it was definitely a great choice. My mac and cheese arrived in a cast iron skillet, and was more than elbow mac and cheese sauce. The dish was tender macaroni coated in creamy white cheddar sauce and bacon, topped with seasoned bread crumbs and oven baked. I opted for the addition of barbeque pulled pork as well. The combination was delicious, and the serving was more than I could finish in one sitting. But, don’t worry, if you aren’t a prime rib fan, and if mac and cheese isn’t your thing, The Handlebar has plenty of other options. The regular menu boasts a variety of sandwiches, burgers, and salads in addition to chicken and salmon entrees. There is even a kids menu for the littles if you have them in tow.
Headed home after a long day running from one end of Des Moines to the other, and back again, we decided that it was time to stop for a bite. We were eager to get out of the city, so we headed west on Hwy 44 and when we hit Dallas Center we saw the crowded lot outside of The Handlebar and figured that a full parking lot couldn’t be wrong, so we Long story short, whether you are looking for a stellar parked the truck and made our way inside. The dining room variety of beers on tap, or some satisfying vittles, The Handlebar has what you are looking for. Mouthwatering and bar were both pretty food, delicious drink options, and stellar full and the waitresses were service like Allie provided make The running drinks and plates Handlebar a must stop spot on your travels. to customers. Despite the And when you get there, as always, make busy atmosphere, we were sure to let them know that Thunder Roads taken to a table right away, Magazine of Iowa sent you! and our waitress Allie was right there to offer us a Until next time! drink menu and fill us in on Melanie J Schwarte the evening’s specials. If you have a WRTE location for us to visit, please let me know at Melanie@ thunderroadsiowa.com
We enjoyed ordering some specialty beers that we can’t find in restaurants closer to home, and Allie was kind enough to give us some suggestions as well. We enjoyed our drinks while we looked over the menu. We decided to order the hand breaded onion rings as an appetizer since they were a special option the night of our visit, and quite honestly, they looked delicious being delivered to neighboring tables. While waiting for our appetizer, Vernon decided 20 - TRMI MARCH 2022
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Feb 1953 Cycle Magazine
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Little Johnny meets Nancy Pelosi. Nancy Pelosi was visiting a primary school in Tampa and visited a grade four class. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked Mrs. Pelosi if she would like to lead the discussion on the word ‘tragedy.’ So, our illustrious Democrat asked the class for an example of a ‘tragedy’. One little boy stood up and offered: “If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him, that would be a tragedy.” “No,” said Pelosi, “that would be an accident.” A little girl raised her hand: “If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone, that would be a tragedy.” “I’m afraid not,” explained Pelosi. “That’s what we would call great loss.” The room went silent. No other child volunteered. Pelosi searched the room. “Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?” Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher held her breath.
‘Touchdown, tie score...’ Aft After about abo bout ut n five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, ‘Aha. I’m ahead 14 to 7.’ Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, ‘Touchdown, tied the score.’ Five seconds go by, and she lets ts out a little squeaker and nd says, ‘Field goal, I lead 177 to 14.’ Now the pressure uree is on for the old man. He refuses to get beaten n by a woman, so he strains hard. d. Si SSince ncee nc defeat is totally unacceptable, ptab pt able ab le,, he le h gives it everything he’s ggot o aand ot nd d accidentally poops in the he bed. beed. d The wife says, ‘What the hell was that?’ The old man says, ‘Half time, switch sides.
In a quiet voice he said: “If the plane carrying you was struck by a ‘friendly fire’ missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.” “Fantastic!” exclaimed Pelosi, “That’s right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?” “Well,” says Johnny, “It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell wouldn’t be a great loss ... and you What is the difference between etwe et ween we en can bet your sweet ass it wouldn’t be an accident either!” Paul Walker and Betty Wh White? Whit ite? it e? The teacher left the room. Paul Walker hit 100 before hee efo fore re h died. How is a wife like bacon? They both look, smell, and taste amazing. They also both slowly kill you. Some people say their wedding was the best day of their lives. I’m guessing they’ve never had two candy bars fall This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of out of the vending machine simultaneously. all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes What’s the difference between your dick and a joke? really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she Nobody laughs at your jokes. decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, A guy walks into a bar, and another guy says, “I slept with she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives my wife before we were married. Did you?” The other guy home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He says, “I don’t know...what was her maiden name?” walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a A man and a woman were approaching their 50th wedding ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over anniversary. To celebrate, the woman decided she would and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she cook a big dinner for her husband. Then he said they is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that should do what they did on their wedding night, and eat not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it at the dinner table naked. The woman agreed. On their by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski anniversary night, at the table, the woman says, “Honey, jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading my nipples are as hot for you as they were 50 years ago.” the directions on the paint can and they said.... FOR BEST The man replies, “Madge, hon, that’s because they are RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS. sitting in your soup. The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
Three friends decided to bet each other 100 dollars on who could make their wives scream more during sex. They all went home to have sex with their wives and make them Adam’s girlfriend, Ruth, fell off the back of his motorcycle. scream. The next day the met up again. The first friend said, “I made love to my wife for two hours and she was He just rode on. Ruthless. screaming for at least one-and-a-half hours.” The second They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as friend countered, “That’s nothing. I started licking my wife for two hours and she was screaming the whole time and running eight miles. a half-hour after that.” Then the third friend said, “That’s Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds? pathetic. I made love to my wife for ten minutes, I came a An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the couple times, I wiped my dick on the curtain, and she’s still screaming” old man passes gas and says, ‘Seven Points.’ His wife rolls over and says, ‘What in the world was that?’ “Mom, how do you spell scrotum?” “You should have asked The old man replied, ‘it’s fart football.’ A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, me last night, it was on the tip of my tongue”. 28 - TRMI MARCH 2022
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Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It’s time consuming.
As a man, what do you call another man with a hard-on... Stiff competition.
A family is at the zoo and they get to the elephants when the daughter notices something odd so she looks at her mom and says, “Mom what’s that thing hanging down from the elephant?” She answers, “That’s his trunk.” “No, in the back,” the daughter says. “That’s his tail.” “No, underneath!” The mother blushes and says, “Oh that’s nothing.” The daughter is confused, so she asks her dad. “Dad, what’s that thing hanging down under the elephant?” “Oh, that’s his penis,” the day replies. “Why when I asked Mommy did she say it was nothing?” “Oh, she’s just spoiled.”
A worm crawls out of a pile of spaghetti….It says, “Damn, that was one hell of an orgy!”
A couple gets married, and on their wedding night, the wife asks what a penis is. The husband, surprised, pulls his out. She says, “Oh, it’s like a dick but smaller.” I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time, I could have dinner with my parents.
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer...What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no eye deer.... What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no dick? Still no fucking eye deer. The first dog turns to the second dog and says, “What are you here for?” The second dog says, “Oh I’m a chewer. I chew on everything. Anything I can find I chew up completely.” The first dog says, “Oh man you are getting neutered.” The second dog says, “Oh no! This is terrible.” Then says to the first dog, “Well why are you here?” The first dog says, “Well I’m a pisser. I piss on everything. The bed, my owners clothes, the kids, anything. Sadly I’m here to get neutered too.” The second dog says, “Oh man that’s terrible too!” The first dog looks over to the third dog and says, “What are you here for?” The third dog says, “I’m a humper. I hump everything. The couch, my toys, trees, anything. Whenever my owner gets out of the shower I run up to her, rip her towel off and hump the shit out of her!” The first and second dog say, “Oh man you are getting neutered for sure!” The third dog looks at them and says, “No, I’m just here to get my nails trimmed.”
An old man is at his bedside praying when his wife says, “What are you doing?” “I’m praying for guidance,” Why is a tornado and a Kentucky divorce the same thing? replies the man. “Just pray for stiffness,” says the wife, “and In the end, somebody is losing their trailer. I’ll guide the fucker.” A lesbian collapsed after licking 20 fannies in 2 hours. What do you call a cowboy with a hard on? Woody. Doctors think that she may have overdosed on crack.
A man boards a plane. An attractive flight attendant How do you separate the men from the boys in San walks towards the man and asks: “Would you like some Francisco? slowly and carefully, with a crowbar. headphones?” The man replies: “Yes, but how did you know my name was Phones?” A hooker walks up to an old Jewish man and says Hey, would you like some Super Sex? He thinks for a moment What’s the worst part of locking the keys in your car outside and says What kind of soup? of planned parenthood? Asking for the hanger…. again. A woman got wooden breast implants yesterday. It would be funny if this joke had a punch line wooden tit. Two old guys were sitting on their porch with their dog on the ground between them. The dog started to lick his dick A man was jogging down the beach one morning and heard as dogs are prone to do. The first guy turns to the other guy some crying behind a rock. So he looks and finds a girl with and says “I’d love to be able to do that” His friend replies “if no arms and no legs. So he asks her “What’s wrong dear?” you give him a bone he might let you”. She says “Well due to the fact that I have no arms and no legs, I’ve never been hugged!” So he hugs her and she’s I walked in on my girlfriend masturbating. She had a happy and smiling. He continues to jog down the beach. cucumber shoved in her pussy. I was mad. I said, “Come Next day he is out jogging again and hears the same girl on! I was going to eat that later. Now it’s gonna taste like with no arms or legs crying. So he looks behind the rock cucumber.” and asks her “What’s wrong today dear?” She says “Well due to the fact that I have no arms and no legs, I’ve never How can you tell your best friend is gay? His dick tastes been kissed!” So he kisses her and she’s happy and smiling. like shit. He continues to jog down the beach. Third day again he is jogging down the same beach and in a mood then he hears Guy gets hammered at the bar and the bartender sends the girl with no arms or legs crying again. Behind the rock him home. The next night he’s back in the bar and tells there she sits. He asks “What the fuck is wrong this time?” the bartender....”Wow I was so hammered last night. She says “Well due to the fact that I have no arms and no I’m never drinking again, ever! I got home and blew legs, I’ve never been fucked!!” So, he picks he up lovingly chunks!” Bartender says... “That’s not soo bad. We all in his arms and carries her down to the end of the pier and do it sometimes.” The guy says... “You don’t understand, throws her in and says....”Now you’re fucked!” Chunks is my dog!” Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook
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That type of loyalty is hard to explain, hard to quantify, but it’s the single most important thing that any company looks to achieve and they look to achieve it however they can. I have weird loyalties and I’d propose a guess that it’s likely because of how I was raised. Parents, grandparents, uncles, older siblings and whatnot can be super powerful brand ambassadors and can mold your thinking in one direction or another. Many times, you may assume to love the brands that they influence you towards and on occasion you go completely the other way when it comes to what you love. Maybe you can relate to it, someone almost forcing you to like something but you revolt and just say SCREW IT, I don’t like that, I chose “this” instead, whatever “this” may be.
Brand Loyalty In marketing, brand loyalty describes a consumer’s positive feelings towards a brand, and their dedication to purchasing the brand’s products and/or services repeatedly, regardless of deficiencies, a competitor’s actions, or changes in the environment. -Wikipedia Brand loyalty can be a weird, strange, and yet the most important thing in the world. Many times, we don’t’ even know why we are loyal to a particular brand of whatever. You may be loyal to a sports team, type of firearm, a car brand, a beer, an electronics brand, a tractor, shows, or a motorcycle. Brand loyalty is what moves the world, and most times we don’t know why or even the sheer fact that we are loyal to something, no matter how it may define us. We love our things and our brands, many times will defend them to the death, even if they are maddening at times.
Again, I don’t know why I like what I do. Take tractors for example, it’s been over 30 years since I have lived on a farm… 30 years! And yes, I still have a huge love of all things Farmall. Those classic red tractors just fire me up, I can still talk smack to my buddies that are fans of those green ones and still dream of owning one. Do I need a tractor? No, do I have room for a tractor, again no, but if you We take it personally and don’t even know we are doing think I am still trying to talk my wife into a machine like it. How many times, ask yourself, how many times, be it a that to this day…you’d be correct. I always think about brand of car, a bike, a tv show, a movie, a restaurant, that red tractors. Why? No real reason other than we had them someone will say how they don’t like a particular thing when I was young. I must be true to my upbringing. It you like, or love even and it just pisses you off! has spread to my family… for example, a few years back I procured a green (read wrong brand) tractor and my family “How can [blank) not like what I do! What is wrong with refuses to use it in any way shape or form because it’s not my bike, what is wrong with my favorite movie, how can red and it goes against every part of my being. Weird and they NOT LIKE THIS!” You go into selling mode, “Here makes zero sense. is why I love ____ and here are the reasons you should love them too!”
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At this point I am sure that you are wondering what this has to do with the greatest motorcycle magazine ever in the history of motorcycle magazines? Well, actually, plenty! Our pages are jammed up with the greatest advertisers around, they are truly amazing and they are looking to do the same thing that every company is doing, build brand loyalty. All on one level or another. But no matter what, it’s what matters. But it also matters that you get your loyalty built early when you are a marketer. Allow me to explain, if you are of a certain “older age” have you noticed that very few or any commercials or messages are targeted to you? It’s always younger people, the pretty people, the ‘on the go’ crowd that just seems way cooler than we do, right? Take beer, we have been drinking our favorite beer for how long? It’s just our normal routine to just grab your favorite beer from the store, a Stop N Rob, dive bar or wherever, we just know what we like. For the most part, your average beer drinker knows what they like, associate with the brand, and enjoy what they enjoy time after time. We usually only grab something else when they don’t have it at the bar we swung into or at a friend’s place and they offer you something different. Pro tip; never frequent a bar that doesn’t have your brand and if your friend doesn’t know what you drink and have it on hand when you stop by, is that person REALLY YOUR FRIEND? You may need to have some deep inner conversations with yourself over that one, just saying.
understand how somebody could even consider riding another bike, it doesn’t even equate on any level and in marketing, that is the ultimate in brand loyalty. For as long as I have swung a leg over a seat, I have watched this brand with amazement, but I have never owned one. Now, I have owned several major “other brands” along the spectrum. And I have ridden every major brand and far as I can recall. Victory, Indian, Honda, Kawasaki, Yamaha, Triumph, dirt bikes I can’t even spell, crotch rockets, Suzuki and on and on, covered all and I have a level of respect for all bikes, no matter what, as I have said before, I truly love and appreciate all brands of bikes for very long time, but I have always admired the brand loyalty and passion behind Harley, it’s amazing and in the circle and point I run in my life, the number one bike around by a long shot, not only in the sheer numbers of bikes I am around, but the sheer number of people passionate about the brand, even the supporters that love the brand but don’t even ride! That is brand loyalty and that is what I am excited about. Coming up this spring. I have found a new home, a home in the hills more about that later, but I am jumping on a Harley and I cannot wait to be a part of the most passionate core of bikers there is on the planet. Now I need to save some scratch because not only will I need new logo gear, you know I have to bring some home for my bride as well. Todd “Crash” Davis
I mentioned a bit back in this article I have some weird brands that I am loyal to, for reasons I really don’t know. I love Remington shotguns, the 870 is the single greatest shotgun in the history of the world and there is no discussion possible or needed. Of course, to me the 1100 is the best semi auto ever made and again, my logic is flawless. I grew up with Ford Trucks, had a few, loved them, don’t have any right now, but I still love them more than any other truck, don’t ask why because I really don’t know why, I just know I dig them. I could go on and on and on. Many times, companies advertise a lifestyle more than the products themselves, and we all know who that might be considering I am writing for a motorcycle magazine. The Motor Company, correctly, has marketed themselves as the ultimate choice, the only choice and a way of life as a choice, to be inclusive in this club and to be proud of it on levels that are of very little comparison. What other company has people going out of their way to get a tattoo of their logo like it’s the most normal thing? How many companies have showrooms that sell apparel that they not only make to complement their core brand but if you own a product from the core brand you feel you must support them with a shirt, hat, boots, gloves, jeans, sunglasses, pony tail holder, and so much more. It’s brilliant and it works. People that own or ride for the Motor Company do NOT Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook
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“I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.” I have been reciting that for as long as I can remember. When inspecting the words more deeply, and then looking at the current state of our great Nation, some things have become quite alarming. The MSM seems to frequently be splattered with the notion that pledging allegiance to a flag is absurd, but the following part of the above statement clinches the opposition to that thought for me. TO THE REPUBLIC, is what the flag is symbolizing. It does not say to the democracy, it says to the Republic. Why does any of that matter you ask? Well, let’s dig a little bit deeper into some definitions, and what is going on currently, with all of the talk about “our democracy” being at risk. What type of system do we have in the United States? From my understanding, we are a Constitutional Republic operated within the confines of a Representative Democracy. That is, the best of both worlds, if you will. A simple democracy means the people hold the power and are allowed to vote on items to decide outcomes. Generally, a majority rules and the group as a whole decides what is going to occur. This concept is fine if five people are voting on whether to have pizza or burgers for supper, but on the grander scale, with many more people, representatives of the people can be utilized for more efficient operations. A definition of representative democracy is a form of government where the people have the power and that power is then exercised by freely elected representatives. The main point behind a direct democracy or a representative democracy, is that the people are granted all of the power. Freedom of speech and assembly, inclusiveness and equality, consent, right to life, voting, and minority rights are the foundations of democracy. Furthermore, we can observe four main elements in a democracy. They are a political system where the government can be chosen and replaced through free and fair elections, active participation of citizens in politics and civic life, protection of the rights of all citizens, and the rule of law, in which the laws and procedures apply equally to all citizens.
constitutional republic as “a government of laws, and not of men”. In our current state of affairs, there are too many people with too much unfettered power that have forgotten about the way we are supposed to govern and be governed. The Constitution SHOULD be the law of the land, but it has been attacked and diluted to the point that even our current POTUS has stated repeatedly that no amendment to the constitution is absolute. BULLSHIT, I say! They are absolute! That is why they are there. Our representatives are no longer representing their constituents, and our voting system is a mess. We have career politicians that have been mucking up the system and making bank for decades, for tremendous personal gain and acquisition of power. We have multiple government entities both state and federal that are making “laws” that we must live within, without the actual ability to enact legislation. What do we do about this? Well, if we are to the point of throwing hands, then let’s get at it, and quit living with almost zero true representation and allowing the government to operate on its own accord without any consequences. These people work for US, we don’t serve THEM. If you are not quite ready to take to arms, then make damn sure your voices are heard. Our voices individually can be heard, but collectively they get more notice. Make sure that you keep apprised of what our lawmakers, leaders, and judges are doing, and voice your opinion to them when you think they have done good, and of course when they have not been following the will of the people.
As this is a motorcycle magazine, one of the ways that we can do so is via organizations that look out for us at the federal level. The Motorcycle Riders Foundation, or MRF, is the type of organization that offers a collective voice. The MRF is a great place to start being able to make your voice heard. Daily they are fighting for your ability so you can ride where you want, so that you have a choice of what fuels you use, so you can ride with the people you want to ride with, so you can wear what you choose to wear, so that you can modify your bikes the way you want to, so you are not being singled out and priced off the roads by greedy insurance companies, to help stop profiling of motorcyclists, and other freedom initiatives to protect our right to ride free. A Constitutional Republic on the other hand places firmly A membership is only $35 per year for an individual, or if the power in a written Constitution, that spells out the rights you choose to become a sustaining member, it’s $100. Be a and limitations of the people and the government itself. FREEDOM FIGHTER! I implore you, join the ranks of the Constitutional Republics have heads of state and officials MRF and start with your biker brothers and sisters to try to that are elected representatively voted by the people. They make a difference. are intended to govern by the Constitution, and have limited or controlled power. There is a separation of powers so If you have any questions or want to get signed up, shoot that one aspect of government cannot overreach any other me an email at vernon@thunderoadsiowa.com, ring me at area. The executive, legislative, and judicial branches are 712-249-5630, or shoot me a Facebook message. I look supposed to stay in their own lane, and do their own thing, forward to hearing from you. and not step on the other branches’ toes, so to speak. Vernon Schwarte Why does any of this really matter in this day and age? Editor/Owner Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa Why am I spouting about all of this? Well, I feel that we Owner Thunder Guns and Thunder Guns West have fallen away from the guiding principles of our foreIowa Motorcycle Dealers Association (IMDA) Board Member fathers so profoundly that it is time for a reset. John Adams, Motorcycle Riders Foundation (MRF) Assistant State Rep the second president of the United States, described a Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook
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