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TR T RMI MI FEBRUARY FE EB BR RU UA AR RY 220 020 20 - 3 TRMI 2020
As we are rolling into oF February ebru eb ruar ru aarry no now wi now w with ith h the dreams of two wheels heels eels ls ppopping opppi p ngg up more and more frequently. equ quen entl t y. y. December had its fairr sh sshare hhar aree off awesome days, but January annuuar ay was a bit cooler, and no nnot ot nearly as many days of of being able to take off ff on on a short tear on the bike. ke. ke February is like the pivotal month for the winter months though, as we could get a random warm, sunny,, and dry day, or we could ouuld d gget ett a damned blizzard thee ne next extt day. Hell, we could aactually ctua ct uall ua lly get both in the same 224 4 ho hhour our ur ur period. Gotta love Iowa owa weather right? Well, I love Iowa, and I deal with the weather I guess. As much as winter aggravates me with Parked Motorcycle Syndrome here in our beloved state, I really don’t know where else I would rather be located. Iowa will more than likely be “home” for me for all eternity. I know for sure until I am turned into ashes, and then after that I am guessing I will still stay right here. I often joke about Iowa, and have even stated a proposed motto for the state, “Iowa, You will never make it out alive”, but there is a lot of truth to that. Many others that I hang with on a regular basis are in the same boat as me. Maybe if I change my mindset just slightly and think of winter in Iowa as a time to get some motorcycle projects done it would be more acceptable? More of a two season approach to the sport of riding motorcycles in Iowa. For instance we have riding season, followed by custom season. Obviously ride when ya can, and then use the rest of the year to maintain, add to, change, modify, hop up, customize, paint, chrome, black out, powder coat, and whatever else it takes to make your ride your own. So there are a couple of things we will be at for sure this February for Custom Season. The first is the long standing Capitol City Custom Cycle Show & Swap February 8th and 9th. This seems to be about the most centrally located swap meet the state has to offer, and it is still the Des Moines show of the year for sure. It is always great to see many old friends here as well as meeting a few new people
every year. It is always nice to be able to shake hands and introduce ourselves to readers at our TRMI booth. It is perfectly timed in the winter months so that people can get a little bit of a biker life fix before going completely bat shit crazy from being cooped up for too long. The next show that we always enjoy is the AMCA meet in Fremont, NE that is February 28th and 29th this year. Old bikes are the deal here and one of the closest to Iowa AMCA judging events for vintage restorations. It is kind of a cool process, and awesome to be able to meet and chat with some people that painstakingly restore motorcycles to their old glory. I think it is totally bad ass to be able to see some motorcycles that have been stashed away for years are brought back to life right before your eyes. To be judged, they must run, which is cool as hell. I have been fortunate in the past over in Fremont to help start bikes before judging. Not nearly as cool as owning or riding one of these critters, but it is totally cool to help pedal a 100 year old motorcycle and hear it pop off and run. I sure hope we can hook up with some folks at one or both of these February shows! Stop by, grab the newest issue or back issue if you missed one, and say hey! We would love to see ya! The February Letter from the Editor is always about the hardest to write. With the weather, the lack of two wheeled therapy, missing old friends, it is just a drag. Now after hundreds of words forced onto the paper, I have gone from dreading the month of February, to being very excited to be able to run around and do what we do! Happy February everyone! See you at the shows! Vernon Schwarte Quote of the Month: “There is always in February some one day, at least, when one smells the yet distant, but surely coming, summer.” Gertrude Jekyll
On the Cover
This month we wanted to be a little CREATIVE with our cover. The CONCEPT was to place hot tamale, Gloria, atop this classic Buick Electra with a little patriotic flair. This stretched out ride used to be owned by this crazy old broad we know named Karen, alongside some cool bikes owned by our good friends Goozman and Skeeter the shot just came together on its own. Wish we could include all of the retro signage and memorabilia this shop has displayed, but we didn’t have a wide enough lens to catch it all. This shot and the one on the calendar page make for some CREATIVE CONCEPTS that we hope you enjoy.
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TRMI TR MI FEBRUARY FEB EBRU RUAR UAR ARY 20 ARY 2020 2020 20 - 5 TRMI
I am a person who likes to read the instructions. I tend to become a bit irritated if I have followed the instructions and something still doesn’t work. I get the vague feeling that I’ve been cheated. And sometimes you’re going along, following the instructions, trying to do the right thing, and bat guano just happens... Several years ago, we bought a used Dodge Journey to replace my previous vehicle. Being a responsible vehicle owner, I dug the manual out of the glove box and sat in the driver’s seat, reading through the explanations of what all the little dashboard lights meant, finding out how to pair my phone to the vehicle with Bluetooth, discovering that the tire has to be removed to change the battery (who thought that was a good idea?). Mark came out of the garage and sat in the passenger’s seat, so I began to show him some of the vehicle’s oddities. “And look at this,” I finally said, pointing at the gear shift area in the console. “The manual says that if the car gets stuck in park you just pop this little cap off and stick a screwdriver down this slot and bump it loose again. Like I would even have a screwdriver in the car. Wonder what you can see down there.” And I vigorously popped the cap off, causing it to fly up . . . and then straight down, vertically to drop right down the slot. In the dead silence, I could feel my face turning red as stared down the hole, not daring to look over at Mark. I finally looked up, only to see his lips pressed together as he tried not to laugh. “That didn’t take long. Thank you for the instruction,” he said politely as he got back out of the car. See? Bat guano. From reading the account of Joseph in the Bible, it’s easy to see that he had way more reason to feel cheated than I ever will. Joseph’s part of the story begins in the book of Genesis and covers most of chapters 37 through 50. Joseph seems to be like most of us – a mixture of good and not-so-good. He is somewhat interested in serving God, but also more than a bit full of himself, knowing he has been chosen by his father Jacob to be the head of their clan someday when Jacob dies. Joseph’s brothers are not keen on that idea so they kidnap Joe and sell him to some slave traders who pack him off to Egypt to re-sell him at a profit. Joseph serves his Egyptian master to the best of his ability and Genesis 39:2 tells us that “ the Lord was with him”. He does his job so well that the master puts him in charge of the whole place. Unfortunately, this puts Joseph in the path of the master’s frisky wife, who becomes grossly offended when Joseph turns down her offer to get even friskier with her. He tells her it would be a betrayal of his master’s trust and a sin against God. To get back at Joseph for her humiliation, she tells her husband some lies and Joseph ends up being thrown in prison. Seven years in slavery; then, seven years in prison . . .
and things went from bad to worse. He was trying to honor his boss and honor God and look where that got him. I love happy endings and want to jump ahead and tell you the rest of the story, but really, isn’t this the same part of the story that most of us feel stuck in? So we give up doing good. We become bitter. In our disappointment, we kick our trust in God to the curb, not acknowledging that he is with us in every situation, not just the good ones. Joseph is eventually released from prison and has to report immediately to his new job: saving all of Egypt (including his family!) from starvation. God has changed Joseph from being all about himself to putting others first; from caring only about his status to caring for others’ needs. All that happened to him - good and bad - was known by God, who used it to prepare Joseph for the job he needed Joseph to accomplish. In Genesis 50:19 & 20, Joseph is finally able to say to his brothers, “Don’t be afraid of me . . . You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good.” The only way to accomplish the job God has for us is to do what Joseph learned to do: keep on keeping on. Keep honoring God. Keep caring for those around us. Keep believing God’s word. Philippians 1:6 tells us this: “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” Like Joseph, our lives will be changed so we can help change the lives of others. Now that’s a happy ending! Want to hear another happy ending? Well, after 4 years of carrying a screwdriver around, guess whose car finally got stuck in park last week? Yeah, baby - got to use that screwdriver! Reward at last for reading those crazy instructions!
That’s a lot of injustice, betrayal, unfairness – and frankly, bat guano – to befall a guy who was finally really trying to Blessings to you all – Karla Mark and Karla Cornick are with the Christian do right. I can only imagine how Joseph must have felt. He turned down a wrong situation for all the right reasons Motorcyclists Association. Find out more about CMA and God’s plan for your life at www.cmausa.org Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook www.thunderroadsiowa.com 6 - TRMI FEBRUARY 2020
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Indian Motorcycle of Mason City Mason City Powersports 12499 265th Street Mason City 641-423-3181 Masoncitypowersportsinc.com
The Biker Friendly Business Directory is a list of establishments throughout Iowa that sponsor the magazine. You can pick up your copy here every month. Let them know that you saw them in TRMI. If your business would like to advertise in Thunder Roads Iowa Biker Friendly Business Listing and become a part of the network, please email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
Biker Accessories Coolbikerstuff @ The Old Bait Shop 2103 Okoboji Ave MILFORD, Iowa 51351 712.338.8888 & 214.914.4555 Crispy’s Biker Apparel 1701 C Street SW Cedar Rapids, Iowa Find Us On Facebook
Dealers
Indian Motorcycle of Des Moines 1500 E Army Post Road Des Moines, Iowa 50315 515-256-9062 Indianmotorcycleofdesmoines.com
Metro Harley-Davidson 2415 Westdale Drive SW Cedar Rapids, Iowa 52404 319-362-9496 www.metro-motorsports.com
American Legion Post 111 1101 W 4th Street S Newton 641-792-3353 Open to the Public 7 Days a Week Newtonamericanlegion111.org
Goozman’s Westside Bar & Grill 1019 7th St Harlan, Iowa 712-755-2259 Goozman’s Westside on Facebook
Nishna Valley Cycle HONDA – YAMAHA – KTM Atlantic, Iowa 50022 1-888-577-6406 www.nishnavalleycycle.com
Big Daddy’s 506 W Main Street Lewis, Iowa 51544 M,W,TH,F 4PM-*, Sat-Sun Noon-* Zipp’s Pizza & Big Patio!
Haverhill Social Club 202 1st Street Haverhill, Iowa 50120 641-475-3321 Tues-Sat 10-2, Sun 12-12
Route 65 Harley-Davidson 1300 S Jefferson Way Indianola, Iowa 50125 515.962.2160 www.route65hd.net
Bloodline Irish Pub 214 Public Square Greenfield, Iowa 50849 Bloodline Irish Pub on Facebook
Iowa Legendary Rye 707 N Main Street Carroll, Iowa 51401 Iowalegendaryrye.com
Bullys’ Angle Inn 505 US 151 Walford, Iowa 52351 10am-12am Check Us Out on FB
J.R. Willie’s Gateway to the Beautiful Hill Country Colesburg, IA 563-856-5095 Open Daily Mon-Sun 11AM Home of the Willie Whopper
Catfish Charlie’s On the Mississippi River 1630 E. 16th Street Dubuque, IA 52001 (563)582-8600 www.CatfishCharliesDubuque.com
Johnie’s Tap 112 NE 2nd Street Stuart, Iowa 50250 515-523-1146 Mon-Sat 9:00 AM-Close
Desperados 105 E 5th Street Atlantic 712-243-7087 Home of Cold Beer, Good Times, Pizza & Wings
Just 1 More 515-570-4206 641-757-0159 309 Railway Jamaica, Iowa 50128
Firehouse Bar 1211 5th Street Downtown Sioux City, IA 712-224-1020 Open Daily at 12:00
KC’s Tavern 120 N Main Street Bridgewater, Iowa 50837 Mon-Fri 4:30-Close, Sat-Sun 1-Close Find Us on FB 641-369-2017
Flaming Office 201 W High Street Toledo 641-484-2255 Outdoor Patio, Happy Hour 5-7 Flaming Office on Facebook & Google
Knickers Saloon 2186 Central Avenue Dubuque, Iowa 52001 563-557-0887 365 Days a Year Knickers Saloon on Facebook
Entertainment
Carroll Cycle Center 1327 Plaza Dr Carroll, Iowa 712-792-1610 www.carrollcycle.com
fullthrottleia.com or edwardsrvs.com
(Popular Poker & Fun Run Locations)
Grinnell Pub 909 State Street Grinnell, Iowa 50112 641-260-8003 Grinpub@aol.com
Zylstra Harley-Davidson 1930 E 13th Street Ames, Iowa 50010 515-232-6223 zylstrahd.com
Big Barn Harley-Davidson 81 NW 49th Place Des Moines, Iowa 50313 515-265-4444 www.bigbarnhd.net
Book Em Dano’s 33 S Main Street Denison, Iowa 51442 712-263-9818 Mon-Sat 4-2 Dancers Nightly 5-1:30 Celebrations DJ & Karaoke Services Newton, IA 641-521-8036 Any Occasion /Rally or Event EmCee Facebook/Ray Johansen(Celebrations) Specializing in Weddings & Receptions
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Flat Tire Lounge 304 S Madison Madrid 515-795-4174 Outdoor Patios – Happy Hour 3-9 Flat Tire Lounge on Facebook
Loess Hills Harley-Davidson 57408 190th Street Pacific Junction IA 51561 712-800-3500 loesshillshd.com
Food and Drink
Storm Lake Honda 3040 Expansion Blvd Storm Lake, Iowa 50588 StormLakeHonda.com 712-732-2460
Baxter Cycle 311 4th Street Marne, Iowa 51552 712-781-2351 www.baxtercycle.com
Edwards Motorsports and RV’s 1010 34th Avenue Council Bluffs, Iowa 51501 712-366-8400
Okoboji Classic Cars Museum and Restoration Shop 810 Jeppeson Road West Okoboji, Iowa 51351 712-332-8029
National Motorcycle Museum 102 Chamber Drive Anamosa, Iowa 52205 319-462-3925 Nationalmcmuseum.org
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McCanns Tap NE 14th & 54th Des Moines, Iowa 50313 Bike Parking M-F 2:00 Sat & Sun 11:00
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Mi Casa Family Restaurant 512 Market Street Harlan, Iowa 51537 712-755-2258 Enjoy Drinks at the Full Bar!
Roadhouse 105 Washington Marne, Iowa 51552 712-781-2272 Home of the Marne Burger
The Buck Snort 113 4th Street Neola, Iowa 51559 712-485-9090 The Buck Snort on Facebook
Tobey Jacks Mineola Steak House Mineola, Iowa 712-526-2078 Open 7 Days a Week Check Us Out on Facebook
Midway Tavern 206 1st Street Soldier, Iowa 712-884-2230 www.midwaytavernsoldier.com
Rumors Bar & Grill 400 F Ave Cedar Rapids, IA Live Music & Food 319-286-0806
The Buck Snort Harlan 3002 23rd Street Harlan, Iowa 51537 712-235-2825 The Buck Snort Harlan on Facebook
Twisted Corn Tavern 1405 Walnut Street Dallas Center, Iowa 50063 515-992-3868 Twisted Corn Tavern on Facebook
Montgomery Street Pub 207 East Montgomery Street Creston, Iowa 50801 641-782-2165
Sandbar 103 North Noyes Street Mondamin, Iowa 51557 712-646-2300 Facebook Sandbar Mondamin
The Buck Snort Oakland 310 Dr Van Zee Road Oakland, Iowa 51560 712-355-5315 The Buck Snort Oakland on FB
Vic’s Main Tap 304 Broadway Audubon, Iowa 50025 712-563-2122 Opens Sun-Fri 2:30, Sat 9:30
Scooters on Broadway 475 NE Broadway Des Moines, Iowa 515-288-1053 scootersonbroadway@hotmail.com
The Buck Snort Red Oak 322 E Coolbaugh Street Red Oak, Iowa 51566 712-357-1701 The Buck Snort Red Oak on Facebook
Whatcha Smokin? BBQ+Brew 403 Iowa Avenue Luther, Iowa 50152 515-257-7490 Tuesday-Sunday
Sidetracked 206 West Union Street Creston, Iowa 50801 641-782-8534
The Exchange 171 S Elm Street Avoca, Iowa 51521 712-343-2609 Lang’s Pizza, Cold Beer, Sports
Wild Hogs Saloon & Eatery 350 Commercial Drive Walford, Iowa 52351 Open 11:00 Every Day Check Us Out on Facebook
The Full Nelson 205 West 2nd Street Halbur, Iowa 51444 712-658-2425 The Full Nelson on Facebook
Wilson’s Tap and Recreation 1008 Story Street Boone, Iowa 50036/ 515-433-1395
Old Timer Tavern 401 S Center Street Marshalltown Mon-Sat 6am-2am, Sun 12pm-2am Outdoor Patio-Live Entertainment 641-753-9854 and Facebook Papa Joe’s 117 South 6th Street Missouri Valley, Iowa 51555 712-642-9015 Pearl Street Social Club 110 Pearl Street SW Shellsburg, Iowa 52332 319-436-7100 Find Us On Facebook!
Sportsman Bar & Grill 103 1st Street Pisgah, Iowa 51564 712-456-2222 FOOD, FUEL, FUN
Pines Steakhouse Oinkers Lounge & Grill
1500 E 7th Street Atlantic, Iowa 50022 712-243-3606 M-F 11AM-, S-S 4PMPolk City Pub 217 W Broadway Polk City, Iowa 50226 515-984-9388 Open @ 11:00AM / Closed Mon. Ralph’s Moorland Tap 508 Front Street Moorland, Iowa 515-549-9702 Here For the Beer! Red Oak Tap 419 E. Reed Red Oak, Iowa 51566 712-623-4788 Riverside Tavern 450 E Main St Lehigh, Iowa 50557 515-359-9998 Email:riversidetap@gmail.com
Stumpy’s Bar & Grill 423 Main Street Duncombe, Iowa 50532 515-543-4222 Stumpy’s Bar & Grill on Facebook Sugar’s Diner & Lounge 2725 E Kanesville Blvd Council Bluffs, Iowa 712-322-3600 Check us out on Facebook T.J.’s Pourhouse 100 E. Washington Street Exira, Iowa 50076 712-268-2353 Open M-SAT.@11, SUN.@ NOON The Buck Snort Restaurant & Sports Bar 25 Scott Street Council Bluffs, Iowa 51503 712-328-2825 TheBuckSnortrestaurantandsportsbaronFB
The Pastime Lounge 114 S 4th Street Cherokee, Iowa 51012 712-225-0219 Facebook/Patio/Food The Place2B! 116 N. Federal Ave Mason City, IA 50401 M-F 3p-2a S-S 2p-2a Find Us On Facebook The Yankee Clipper 312 SW Maple St Ankeny, Ia 50023 515-964-9484 yankeeclipperbar.com
Guns and Ammo 2A Firearms Training Training to Protect Your 2nd Amendment Rights 641-439-6660 Craig.2aft@gmail.com
Guns and Ammo JLM Shooters Supply 6931 Douglas Avenue Urbandale, Iowa 50322 jlmgunshop@gmail.com 515-331-1577
The Station Grub & Suds 205 W Kimball Street Hancock, Iowa 51536 712-741-2337 Come Party on the Patio!
The Buck Snort Glenwood 419 Sharp Street Glenwood, Iowa 51534 712-520-6454 Buck Snort Glenwood on Facebook
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Insurance & Financial
Photo and Art
O’Malley Wealth Mgmt. 5623 NW 86th Street Suite 400 Johnston, Iowa 50131 515-490-0930
Ullrich Photography PO Box 1842 Clinton, Iowa 52733 563-243-8715 www.natanic.com
State Farm Clark Ahrenholtz, Agent NMLS# 1679997 2114 12th Street Harlan, Iowa 712-755-5724 Clark.ahrenholtz.jb69@statefarm.com
Services Jason Roberts, LLC Haul It, Dig It, Doze It Code931993@yahoo.com 641-740-1411
Jewelry Bill’s Jewelry Shop 903 Main Street Grinnell, Iowa 50112 641-236-1008 Rings Checked FREE!
Shops & Fabricators
Legal Hupy and Abraham sc, pc Lawyers for Bikers 800.800.5678 Hupy.com TheBikerLawyers.com The Biker Lawyers, P.C. Riding & Defending Your Rights for Over 30 Years 877-209-9452
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Butterfield’s M.C. Parts 8025 Blondo Street Omaha, NE 68134 402-391-3768 Chuck’s Cycle Service and Repair S&S and Drag Specialties Dealer 714 East 7th Street Washington, Iowa52353 319-461-5278 Cycle Clinic 2209 ML King Pkwy Des Moines, Iowa 50314 cycleclinicdm.com 515-288-6954
Mean Machine Cycle Parts Elkhart, Iowa 50073 Stereos, Bars, LED Lights, Air Ride Mon-Fri 9-6, Sat 9-12 515-367-7336
Thunder Road Cycles 4106 Rockingham Rd Davenport, Iowa 52802 563-323-3172 Thunder Road Cycles on Facebook
Motorcycle Medic 3176 Highway 30 Woodbine, Iowa 51579 712-647-2818 Open Tues-Sat Noon-6PM
Tires
Nelson Machine & Forge General Machining, Ornamental Iron, Weld/Fab 70 Washington Street Marne, Iowa 51552 712-781-2220
Sandbothe Firestone 1106 Main Street Griswold, Iowa 51535 712-778-2223 Sandbothe Firestone on Facebook
Trailers
Road Rage BikeWorks 401 High Street Avoca, Iowa 51521 712-307-6111 Road Rage BikeWorks on Facebook
Lacaeyse Trailer Sales 4192 HWY 146 Grinnell Trailers & Truck Accessories 641-990-2674 www.lacaeysetrailers.com
SS Collision, Cycle Works & Graphics 2902 11th Ave SW Spencer, Iowa 51301 712-262-3959 www.sscollision.com
To buy ad space for your business or service in our directory, give us call at 712-249-5630 or email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
The Vic Shop DeSoto, Iowa 515-339-4313 Facebook.com/TheVicShop VICTORY & INDIAN ONLY
F & J Racing 701 N 3rd Ave Marshalltown, Iowa 50158 641-752-8651 www.fandjracing.com
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Gina McClelland 2012 Sportster 72 Avon Lake Rhonda Hildreth 2017 Street Glide Special Johnston
Kim Mozena 2006 Harley-Davidson Deluxe Webster City 16 - TRMI FEBRUARY 2020
We want you on our pages! If you are an Iowa Girl of Thunder, send us a quality image, your name, year and model of bike, and where you are from to: vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
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into perspective, so I highly recommend seeing it in person! I continued on through Mexican Hat, UT, which gets its name from a rock formation outside of town, then back over to the 4 Corners monument, before riding up to Cortez, CO to grab a cheap motel for the night.
This is the 6th Chapter of an Iowa boy’s attempt to ride all the lower 48 states. If you haven’t read the previous chapters, I advise you to find the back issues of TRMI to take in the full story. Enjoy… Wednesday, July 17th, 2019: It was a hot, humid, miserable day, and I didn’t get on the road until lunch time, ime, so the heat of the day was in full force. Loaded down, I shot across I-80 into Lincoln, NE. with nothing special to report on the first day of this journey, aside from the heat. I stayed with old friend Darcy (former TRMI rep) and her husband in Lincoln, whom lured me in with the promise of air conditioning, cold beer, and left over pizza. Next day I was rolling by 5am, with storms just west of Lincoln, but with heat forecast again, I was ok with getting drenched! I did manage to avoid the heavy rain, and the clouds kept temps tolerable until I crossed the Colorado state lined, where things got baking. I rode into Denver, then grabbed I-25 south of Pueblo, where I turned west on Hwy 160, taking me up over Laveda Pass at around 9500 feet. I’d been through there a few times before, so nothing new to me, albeit a nice ride, then jumped on Hwy 159 in Fort Garland, taking me south into New Mexico. As I mentioned in a previous chapter, I found a Facebook page called “Bunk a Biker” where folks offer riders a free place to crash or campout in their yard. I’d contacted a fella named Sam Lambie who offered a place in Taos, NM. So, I rode down to Taos for the night, where Sam and his wife held true to their offer with a comfy bed and hot shower. While getting to know each other over a couple beers, they also gave me some insight on riding Hwy 64 west across the state. So next day I set out just before sun up, with temps around 50 degrees, which was a stark contrast to 100+ degrees the day before! While riding with Harlan the month before, one of our beer drinking conversations was about his trip along that route a few years back, and he highly recommend it, of which his word held true… Just west of Taos I crossed the Rio Grande River at the Gorge Bridge, which is about 600 feet above the river, and the rest of the ride through the hills, national forest, and switchbacks made for quite the memorable ride. I made my way west to Shiprock, NM around lunchtime and then crossed into Arizona (State #36) near the 4 corners. So now if you’ve been following this storyline since the beginning, you should’ve figured out that Arizona is the only western state that I had yet to hit, and turns out this is the only new state that I’ll encounter on this leg of the journey, so I guess I just rode all the way out there to say I rode in a new state. Lucky for me, Monument Valley is just north in Utah, so I rode across Hwy 160 in Northwest AZ to Keyenta, then turned north on Hwy 163 through Monument Valley. Words can’t put the scenery 22 - TRMI FEBRUARY 2020
Next day I pointed north out of Durango, CO and rode on Hwy 5550, which turns into what’s known as the Million Dollar Highway. I’ve seen many amazing rides in my travels over the years, but this highway receives the name for good reason. Another highly advised ride! From there I continued north to Delta, CO, then east on Hwy 92, where I caught a glimpse of a little pizza joint called “Tuckers” that featured a 1948 Tucker on the sign. From there Hwy 133 took me back into the mountains, but once back on I-70 I could see heavy storms along my route back east. I-70 through that part of CO runs with the Colorado River, and even though it’s interstate, it’s great scenery of its own too. I caught up with the storms, and got wind that traffic getting into the Eisenhower tunnel was backed up deep, but any other route to Denver was gonna take longer, so I continued. Upon my approach to the tunnel, I went to downshift, only to realize my shifter was gone! Luckily a pair of Vise Grips made for a temporary fix to get me all the way to Loveland, where Bunk a Biker came in handy again. Shane Ellingson offered his camper for the night, and even pulled a shifter arm off his Heritage Softail to get me home. Which reminds me that I still need to ship it back to him! Next day was pretty smooth sailing up I-25 into Wyoming, then Hwy 18 into South Dakota, then around the southern tip of the Black Hills to my Sturgis accommodations at Wally’s place, where I typically stay for the rally. I was a week ahead of setting up to work the rally, so my wife met me there with the grandkids, and then we left my bike at Wally’s and loaded up the car for a trip to Yellowstone. Saturday, July 28th, we returned from Yellowstone, then the family made their trek back home, but I had a couple days free before rally setup, so I helped out Wally with some grounds maintenance at his campground in preparation for the rally. I again worked at the Buffalo Chip changing tires and oil on bikes, but this time with Paul’s crew from Fozzy’s Cycle out of Davenport, IA. As luck would have it, I picked up a nail in the rear tire on my Road King the night before setting up at the Chip, but I called Ian at Fix Cycle (who I worked for the year before) and he sent Charlie and Corey out with a trailer, and we got the tube switch out first thing next morning. After nearly 2 weeks working in Sturgis, I made it home on Aug, 12th with only 1 new state to brag about, but another 4318 miles on the odometer!
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Saturday, September 21st, 2019: A slow year in Sturgis, combined with slow work on the self-employment gig had things getting very tight, actually worrisome, and the reality of leaving my fulltime job 15 months beforehand was starting to catch up to me. I had high hopes of riding up to Milwaukee to take a ferry across Lake Michigan in to Muskegon, getting both those states off my list, but cash flow didn’t allow for such ideas. But my good friend Gus does a ride every September called the Cheese Curd Run, which is just a small ride with a bunch of friends riding eastern Iowa, then taking the Cassville Ferry across the Mississippi for a night of partying in Cassville, Wisconsin. My financial issues didn’t even look like this was doable, and a few other folks had the same issue, so that combined with remnants of tropical storm Imelda pushing north, meant an ultimate demise to this year’s run. But… Our pall Kyle and his girlfriend Jamie decided to jump in the car and head that direction anyway, so I cashed in some nickel cans for party money, then through on the raingear and met them in Balltown, IA. After some antique shopping and wine tasting (yeah, Jamie’s that kinda girl) we set off for the ferry. It’s not any sort of ocean bearing ferry like I’d hoped to take into Michigan, but the 15 car barge ferry was only occupied by my Road King and Jamie’s Nissan as we played Huck Finn over to Wisconsin (State # 37) for a night of shenanigans. Lucky for us, the Sandbar Motel still had rooms for us to crash, but not lucky for me that hangover wasn’t pleasant in the Imelda remnants all the way home!
memorable to get Michigan miles under my belt, but said the hell with it and jumped on the bike. At 1 pm I crossed the Indiana/Michigan state line at New Buffalo, Michigan (State #38) then turned around and rode back home. 470 miles of mostly interstates, and for no reason other than to say I rode in the state. But, good friend Panhead Mike lives just off I-80 near Joliet, IL, so I did stop in to visit him on the way home. Nate Ullrich www.Natanic.com Be sure to grab TRMI next month for the 7th installment of 48 States.
Next day I woke up to a bright sunny day, and the temps were perfect. I really wanted to do something more Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook
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cross the h state off IIowa we hhave countless ntless l less veterans that are struggling. After setting ettinng aside their lives to protect ours, these veterans terran ns should not have to face these post servicee hardships alone. We all know that the Federal Government provides disability and medical benefits to some veterans. But did you know that there are many additional benefits available to Iowa Veterans and their families, right here at home? The Iowa Department of Veteran’s Affairs employs a team of benefits specialists who have been accredited by the United States Department ent of Veterans Affairs and specialize in both h federal and state VA benefits. These specialists cialiists advise veterans and their family members rs off any ny y VA benefits they may be entitled to receive, including pensions, disability compensation, and even some less known state benefits that you may be unaware of. Benefit specialists can also represent claimants and review all correspondence concerning claims to determine if an award action or denial was correct. Let’s take a look at what Iowa currently has to offer its Veterans and their families.
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irst on my list is the Injured Veterans Grant. t. This grant provides up to $10,000 to servicee members or discharged veterans who sustained serious or very serious combat-related injuries in a combat theater of operations after 9-11-2001. The legislative intent of this program is to provide immediate financial assistance to a veteran so that family members of the veteran may be with the veteran during the veteran’s recovery from an injury received in the line of duty in a combat zone or in a zone where the veteran was receiving hazardous duty pay. If awarded, these grants will be paid by the Iowa department of veterans affairs in increments of$2,500 up to a maximum of $10,000 in the following manner: $2,500 when the veteran is medically evacuated from the combat zone following a combat-related injury. $2,500 30 days after evacuation date if still hospitalized, receiving medical treatment or rehabilitation services by the military or Veterans Administration. $2,500 60 days after evacuation 26 - TRMI FEBRUARY 2020
d if still ill hhospitalized, i li d receiving i i medical di l date treatme or rehabilitation services by the treatment militt m military or Veterans Administration. $2,500 90 days after evacuation date if still hhoo hospitalized, receiving medical treatment o rehabilitation services by the military or o Veterans Administration. Treatment or m be provided in a location that is must n the veteran’s home of record. The not v veteran shall remain eligible for the grant aaff discharge from the military so long after ass the veteran continues to receive medical tre eaa treatment or rehabilitation services for the spec cifi fic injury or illness. specifi
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ext w ext, we will take a look at the Homeownership Assistance Program. This Home H iss a $$5,000 grant that is available to veterans aand service members who are buying a ho home in the state of Iowa. Members must hhave served on active duty on or after September 11, 2001 and purchased a home S after March 10, 2005. Eligibility has been expanded to include service members who served 90 days of active duty between A August 2, 1990 and April 6, 1991. The M Military Homeownership Assistance Pro P Program funds have been fully reserved to assist with down payment and closing costs ass on a qual qualifying home purchase. If eligible, the grant may also be combined with a Plus grant for a total of $7,500 of down payment and closing cost assistance for borrowers who qualify for both programs. Borrowers are limited to one-time use of a Plus grant and one-time use of a Military Homeownership Assistance grant. This grant is also available to surviving spouses of said eligible service person, all who have had a discharge other than dishonorable. Approval on grant must be received prior to closing on a qualified home, and the home must be used as the recipient’s primary residence.
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hird is Property Tax Exemption. This benefit reduces a veteran’s assessed home value for property tax purposes by $1,852. In order to qualify, a service member must have served on active duty during a period of war or for a minimum of 18 months during peacetime. This
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tax exemption was originally adopted to encourage home ownership for disabled veterans. The current credit is equal to 100% of the actual tax levy. All Veterans with 100% service-related disability status are eligible for this credit. Veterans also qualify who have a permanent and total disability rating based on individual employability paid at the 100% disability rate. The veteran must own the property, declare residency in Iowa for income tax purposes, and occupy the property for at least six months each year. Persons in the military or nursing homes who do not occupy the home are also eligible. A surviving spouse of a disabled veteran receiving DIC payments also qualifies. The surviving spouse as a beneficiary of the estate of a veteran who received the credit may continue to receive the credit as long as the spouse resides in the qualified homestead and does not remarry.
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long the same lines is the Disabled Veteran’s Homestead Tax Credit. Beginning in 2014, legislation provided 100% exemption of property taxes for 100% disabled service-connected veterans and DIC recipients. To see if you qualify for this tax credit, please see the Iowa Department of Revenue homestead tax credit application or ask an IDVA benefit specialist for current requirements.
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here was also a state income tax credit handed down by legislation in 2014. The Military Retirement Tax Exemption frees up federal retirement pay received for military service and survivor benefits from state individual income tax.
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owa provides Veterans the optional “Veterans Designation” on Iowa Drivers Licenses and IDs, as well as license plates. Honorably discharged veterans may request the “Veteran” designation be placed on their driver’s license or non-operator identification card by presenting a copy of their DD214 or applicable discharge document to the Iowa DOT and completing the DOT form. Veterans may request this designation anytime they seek a new card, not just at the time of renewal. Special vehicle plates are available for an additional charge through the Iowa Department of Transportation when you license your car or truck. Just ask while renewing and complete the DOT Veteran plate application at your local DOT office.
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f you are an Iowa hunter and Veteran you may be eligible for a Lifetime Hunting and Fishing License. Veterans in receipt of at least a 0% service connected disability can receive a lifetime hunting or fishing license for a $7.00 fee. In order to qualify, the Iowa resident must have served on active federal service and have been determined to be disabled as a result of that service. Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook
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big resource we have in Iowa is the Iowa Veterans Trust Fund. This is a multi-million dollar fund designed to provide certain services to veterans. This fund has been made available to provide relief for Iowa veterans and their families. Currently, these funds are used for a wide swath of needs. These include unemployment or underemployment assistance due to service-related causes, assistance with vision, hearing, dental care, medical equipment and prescription drugs; counseling and substance abuse services; vehicle repairs; housing repairs; aand emergency transitional hhousing. These expenditures aare approved through the Iowa V Veterans Commission.
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nother great resource for children of fallen soldiers s is the Branstad/ Reynolds R Scholarship Fund. This T scholarship fund helps to provide post-secondary e educational scholarships for c children of deceased military service members who died while in an active military status (after September 11, 2001). The Scholarship is administered by the Community Foundation of Greater Des Moines. If you would like to see if you qualify for this scholarship, the Iowa Department of Veterans Affairs administers, reviews applications, and provides guidance to applicants for this program. Are you eligible? Here is the lowdown on guidelines: Children of deceased service member that died while serving in an active military status since September 11, 2001 and the qualifying service member must have met the following requirements: He/She was a resident of Iowa at the time of entering military service and a the time of death. Death does at n have to be combat-related. not M Military status includes active f federal service in the Armed Forces o Iowa-based unit, National or Guard, G or Reserves. Student is attending a or will attend an Iowa post-secondary p educational in institution. Scholarships may b used to help pay for tuition, be b books, fees, housing, special to and equipment required for tools c coursework, school-approved tu tutoring, and any other required e educational expenses. Once all educational expenses are met, any remaining funds will be released to the student in order to cover other expenses as needed.
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lso assisting in educational needs is the War Orphan Tuition Assistance program. Children of Iowa veterans killed in action following September 11, 2001 are eligible for up to $11,844.00 per year in tuition assistance at an Iowa post-secondary institution. Children qualify up to the age of 26. Dependents of those killed in action prior to September 11, 2001 are eligible for $600 per year with a maximum of $3,000. Residency is required to receive either of these benefits. The times of war that are included in this program start with World War I, between April 6,
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1917 and November 11, 1918 and continues to include current wartime occurrences. The amount of War Orphans Educational Aid allowed to eligible War Orphans is based upon an annual appropriation made by the Iowa Legislature. A War Orphan MUST have graduated from a high school or educational institution offering a course of training equivalent to high school training to be eligible for this program and must have lived in the State of Iowa for at least 2 years immediately preceding the filing of an application. The War Orphans Fund is available through the State of Iowa if an applicant does not qualify for the Federal VA educational benefits. Applicants cannot receive both DIC and The War Orphans Fund.
is that it is also available to Veteran’s spouses and dependent children for burial. Honorably discharged veterans will be interred at no charge and their spouses and dependents will be buried for only a $300 fee. This can be life changing for military families in need. The Iowa Veterans Cemetery was the first state-owned and operated veteran’s cemetery in the State of Iowa. The cemetery serves the veteran population throughout the state and around the country, as there is no state residency requirement to be interred in this cemetery. It is able to provide space for 81,000 burials. Eligibility is determined by completing the registration for burial determination.
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f you are a veteran who is in need of these services, or you know someone who is, please contact the Iowa Department of Veterans Affairs at 7105 NW 70th Avenue Camp Dodge Building 3465 Johnston, IA 50131-1824. Or by phone at 515.252.4698 (Toll Free: 800.838.4692). There are resources available to our Iowa Veterans, and the IDVA is there to help you find them.
dditional educational resources are provided through the Iowa Department of Education, as designated by the governor of the state of Iowa. The State Approving Agency is responsible for approving all GI Bill programs in Iowa for veterans and other eligible persons. The Iowa State Approving Agency (SAA) has been contracted by the U.S. Department of Veterans To all Veterans, Thank you for your service from TRMI! Affairs to approve GI Bill programs in the State of Iowa for veterans and other eligible persons. The SAA is responsible Melanie J Schwarte for evaluating applications for approval received from educational institutions to ensure that their facilities and Melanie@thunderroadsiowa.com programs offered meet mandated approval criteria for the GI Bill. Providing technical assistance and training to school certifying officials. Conducting periodic compliance surveys of approved schools and training establishments to verify that they continue to meet the approval standards and are properly implementing the GI Bill. Conducting and participating in outreach activities to increase awareness of the GI Bill. Providing career assistance for veterans and otherwise eligible persons. The National Guard also provides tuition benefits to its members. National Guard Tuition Benefits are available to present members in good standing. The benefits provide up to $2,700 per semester for full time enrollment. Part-time students are eligible for $196 per semester hour. Additionally, Guard members who are mobilized will receive a tuition refund.
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ne really cool program I found out about is Operation Recognition High School. This program provides an honorary high school diploma to qualifying Iowa veterans who did not complete high school due to armed service enlistment. The application form is used by the IDVA and the Department of Education to establish eligibility for honorably discharged veterans. If you are an Iowa Veteran who never received your diploma due to service enlistment, please seek this service out. It is available to Honorably Discharged Iowa Veterans during the following times of active service: April 6, 1917 - November 11, 1918 (World War I). September 16, 1940 - December 31, 1946 (World War II). June 25, 1950 - January 31, 1955 (Korean Conflict). February 28, 1961 - May 5, 1975 (Vietnam Conflict).
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inally is the Iowa Veterans Cemetery. This cemetery became operational on July 3, 2008. Located a short 10 miles west of Des Moines, the cemetery and its services are available to all veterans. But what you may not have known 28 - TRMI FEBRUARY 2020
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From: The F T Enthusiast April 1952
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Here we are in February and we are rolling right along at ABATE of Iowa. The State legislators are in session and the bills are rolling in. ABATE of Iowa is keeping a watchful eye for bills that involve motorcyclists and our membership. We are getting ready for our ABATE lobby day at the State Capital on February 12, 2020. This is the day that ABATE members head to the Capital to let their state senators and state representatives know where we stand on motorcycle issues and discuss any bills with law makers that affect the motorcycling community. We are also gearing up in other parts of the ABATE organization, and getting ready for the upcoming year. Our Rider education program is one of the top programs in our state, and we are getting classes setup for the 2020 season. If you are thinking about getting your motorcycle license this spring, I highly recommend you take a rider education class and learn good riding skills before hitting the pavement. Also, there are refresher classes for people that have been riding awhile. These are great to take in the spring to brush up your skills before hitting the road in 2020. We are also rolling along with our Share the Road program. We have great volunteers that go to driving education classes and teach new drivers to look out for motorcycles while we are out and about on the roads. For the past several years we have put around 10,000 students through this class each year. We are also looking forward to the warmer weather so we can start working on our Freedom Park in Algona to make sure it is ready for the best biker party in the Midwest. The 36th Annual Freedom Rally will have a great line up with Buckcherry, Hinder, Adeltisway, and Cody Hicks plus many other bands and entertainment that weekend. Finally, if you are looking for that that ideal Valentine gift, consider getting your sweetie a membership to ABATE of Iowa and maybe even throw in tickets to the 36th Annual Freedom Rally. Either of these would always make great gift for your favorite motorcyclist out there. David Duffy “Duff� State Coordinator ABATE of Iowa Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook
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with powdered sugar. I might have to give that one a shot next time around.
Shooterz Sports Bar and Grill 1126 HWY 69 North Forest City, Iowa Restaurant: 641-585-5000 Restaurant Hours: Monday - 11:00am - 8:00pm Tuesday - Saturday 11:00am - 9:00pm Sunday 11:00am - 8:00pm
It isn’t all that often that we get a chance to venture a couple of hundred miles from home just to grab a bite to eat, so when we are travelling for other reasons we like to take a break from the road and sit down at a new place. On our way to a trade show we decided to make a stop just before crossing the northern boundary of our great state. Forest City a few different locations that sparked interest, but this time we pulled up a booth at Shooterz and looked for that special something to fill our bellies on a cold winter’s night. When we pulled into the parking lot, we figured that we had to be onto something, because at just after 5 pm, the lot was nearly full. We walked through the door and were immediately greeted and ushered to our seats. Looking around, we noticed that not only can you grab a bite here, but it is a great place to cheer on your team on one of the many TVs throughout the expansive bar area. Our friendly waitress was right on top of things, bringing us menus and taking our drink orders. Looking around we spotted a salad bar, loaded down with leafy green essentials, as well as some classic salad favorites and plenty of fresh sliced veggies.
Now, not only does Shooterz have an expansive menu to choose from, but they also have daily lunch and dinner specials to boot. Lunch specials vary, so be sure to ask if you join the noon crowd. Dinner Specials break down as follows and are available from 5 pm until they are gone: Tuesday - Pasta Bar, Wednesday - BBQ Rib Dinner, Thursday - Steak Sandwich, Friday - Prime Rib Dinner, Saturday - Steak Night, Sunday - Buy one pizza get one single topping pizza half off. There is also a Sunday Brunch Buffet that you can enjoy from 11am to 1pm. Now, prime rib is definitely a Schwarte house favorite, but we were in the mood for juicy burgers, so that’s just what we ordered. All burgers come with one side, and you can even add additional patties if you require some extra protein. Vernon chose to order the Middle Weight Burger. This specialty burger arrived layered with slices of ham, crisp bacon, 2 all beef patties, American cheese and BBQ sauce. To accompany this monstrous burger, Vernon ordered tater tots as his side. I decided to choose something a bit out of my comfort zone and opted for the Mac & Cheese Burger. This burger selection was delivered piled high with crispy bacon, a heaping scoop of creamy macaroni and cheese, and on top of it all was a slice of American cheese melted just enough to hold it all together. I ordered onion rings, one of Vernon’s favorites in the hopes that he would go halvsies with me and I could sample the tiny tater perfections on his plate. And with luck on my side, the onion rings were crunchy rings of deliciousness that Vernon was more than happy to do some trading on. Now, we made have been in the mood for something simple on this visit, but there are going to be future visits when we are back in the area to try some of the other menu items. Whether you are a build your own burger, specialty pizza, or a homemade lasagna type of person, Shooterz menu selection has got you covered. Next time you are in Forest City, make your way down Highway 69 and swing on in for a quick bite, a cold beer during the game, or even a relaxing prime rib dinner…whatever your poison, Shooterz has you covered, and make sure to tell them Thunder Roads sent you!
We started cruising the menu and spotted everything from salads and pizza to steak dinners, and just about everything in between. There is a list of unique sandwiches, but by far one of the most interesting sandwiches on the menu is the Monte Cristo. This bad boy is available fried or grilled and comes loaded with Melanie J Schwarte turkey, ham, American cheese, Swiss cheese, raspberry Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa Melanie@thunderroadsiowa.com dipping sauce, served on Texas toast and sprinkled
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34 - TRMI 34 TRM RMI MI FEBRUARY FEBR FE BRUA UA 22020 00220
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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting with you this morning too?” “No. o. Grandpa Gra rand ndpa nd pa in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives couldn’t go this morning because were. he’s getting married today.” At this point the doctor is close The Englishman says, “I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last to losing it. “Getting married! week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of Why would a 118 year-old guy meat because it was on sale, and we don’t even have a fridge want to get married?” ”Who said to keep it in.” The Scotsman agrees that she sounds pretty he wanted to?” stupid, but says his wife is more stupid. “Just last week, she went out and spent $17,000 on a new car,” he laments, “and Three men, a philosopher, a she doesn’t even know how to drive!” The Irishman nods mathematician and an idiot, were o out ut sagely, and agrees that these two woman sound like they riding in the car when it crashed in into t a to both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every tree. Before anyone knows it, thee th thre three reee re branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. “Ah, it men found themselves standing before efo fore re tthe he kills me every time I think of it,” he chuckles, “my wife left pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter ete terr an and d to go on a trip to Greece. I watched her packing her bag, the Devil were standing nearby. y. and she must have put about 100 condoms in there and she “Gentlemen,” the Devil started, doesn’t even have a dick!” “Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter hass Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that agreed to limit the number of people peeop ople le they were going to try something different to help everyone entering Heaven. If anyone of you ou ca can n get to know each other a little better, and to help with their ask me a question which I don’t know orr now o spelling. She explained, “I want you to stand up and give cannot answer, then you’re worthy enough us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thing to go to Heaven; if not, then you’ll come with me to Hell.” he would give us all if he was here today.” The first student The philosopher then stepped up, “OK, give me the most raised her hand to volunteer. “Marcy,” the teacher said. comprehensive report on Socrates’ Socrates’ teachings.” “You may go first.” Marcy replied, “My father is a banker. With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next B-A-N-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it a shiny new penny.” The teacher said, “Very nice, Marcy, was correct. “Then, go to Hell!” With another snap of his who wants to go next?” Kevin stood up and announced, finger, the philosopher disappeared. The mathematician “My father is a baker. B-A-K-E-R and if he was here today, then asked, “Give me the most complicated formula he would give us all a freshly-baked cookie.” “Very good,” ever theorized!” With a snap of his finger, another stack the teacher told Kevin. Jeff was next, and he said, “My of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician father is an accountant. A-K, no wait, A-C-K, no...” Before read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct. “Then, go to he could attempt to spell it once more, the teacher cut him Hell!” With another snap of his finger, the mathematician off and told him to sit back down and to think about it for disappeared too. The idiot then stepped forward and said, a while. When he thought he knew how to spell it, he could “Bring me a chair!” The Devil brought forward a chair. stand back up and try again. Little Johnny raised his hand “Drill 7 holes on the seat.” The Devil did just that. The idiot in excitement hoping to be acknowledged by the teacher. then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing The teacher called on little Johnny to go next. Johnny said, up, he asked, “Which hole did my fart come out from?” “My father is a bookie. B-O-O-K-I-E and if he was here The Devil inspected the seat and said, “The third hole from today, he would give us all 20:1 odds Jeff will never be able the right.” “Wrong,” said the idiot, “it’s from my asshole.” to spell “accountant.” And the idiot went to heaven. An 80-year old Italian man goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, “How do you stay in such great physical condition?” “I’m Italian and I am a golfer,” says the old guy,” and that’s why I’m in such good shape. I’m up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. Have a glass of vino, and all is well.” “Well,” says the doctor, “I’m sure that helps, but there’s got to be more to it. How old was your Dad when he died?” ”Who said my Dad’s dead?” The doctor is amazed. “You mean you’re 80 years old and your Dad’s still alive. How old is he?” “He’s 100 years old,” says the old Italian golfer. “In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk, that’s why he’s still alive… he’s Italian and he’s a golfer too.” “Well,” the doctor says, “that’s great, but I’m sure there’s more to it than that. How about your Dad’s Dad? How old was he when he died?” ”Who said my grandpa’s dead?” Stunned, the doctor asks, “You mean you’re 80 years old and your grandfather’s still living! Incredible, how old is he?” “He’s 118 years old,” says the old Italian golfer. The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, “So, I guess he went golfing 36 - TRMI FEBRUARY 2020
A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. “If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I’m against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, and then I’m for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.” Four nuns were standing in line at the gates of heaven. Peter asks the first if she has ever sinned. “Well, once I looked at a man’s penis,” she said. “Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven,” Peter told her. Peter then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned. “Well, once I held a man’s penis,” she replied. “Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven,” he said. Just then the fourth nun pushed ahead of the third nun. Peter asked her, “Why did you push ahead in line?” She said, “Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!” My husband and I purchased an old home in Northern New York State from two elderly sisters. Winter was fast
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approaching and the year’s first snow came early and I was concerned about the house’s lack of insulation. “If they could live here all those years, so can we!” my husband confidently declared. One November night the temperature plunged to below zero, and we woke up to find interior walls covered with frost. My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm. After a rather brief conversation, he hung up. “For the past 30 years,” he muttered, “they’ve gone to Florida for the winter.”
Three women are sitting at a bar arguing over who has the biggest vagina. “The first girl says, ‘My boyfriend can fit a whole fist up there.’ The second girl says, ‘Ha, my boyfriend can fit two fists and a foot.’ The third girl just smiles as she slides down the bar stool.” A man is sitting at the bar, his head in his hands. “Bartender: What’s the matter buddy? Man: It’s the worst thing ever. I caught my wife in bed with my best friend. Bartender: Oh man that really sucks! What did you do? Man: I told her to pack her shit and get the hell out! Bartender: What about your best friend? Man: I looked him straight in the eyes and said BAD DOG!”
What’s the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick? The hockey player takes a What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block? “A shower after three periods. beaver dam.” A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn’t panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. “If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it.” Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, “Well, I’m done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to Best Buy now?”
The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls’ school was lecturing her students on sexual morality. “We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation,” she said, “Ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?” A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, “Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?”
One day this guy comes to work at a sex toy shop. His boss leaves for the day and puts him in charge of the shop. About an hour later a black haired lady comes in and asks “How much for your black dildos?” The guy says “30 bucks” “And how much for your white dildos?” asks the lady. Again the man says “30 bucks for the black and 30 bucks for the white” So she takes the black one and leaves. A while later a brunette comes in to the store and asks “How much for your white dildos?” The man responds “30 bucks” She asks “And how much for your black dildos?” “30 bucks for the white and 30 bucks for the black” replies the man. So she takes the white one leaves. About an hour later a blonde walks through the door and asks “How much are your dildos?” The guy says “All our dildos are 30 bucks” Then she looks up behind the man on a shelf and asks “How much for that green one?” The man responds “Oh, that one is special. That will cost you $250” The blonde agrees and takes it. Later that day the boss come back and asks “So what did you sell today?” The man says “I sold a black dildo, a white dildo, and a 2-liter of mountain dew for $250!”
A husband takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says: “You know what I want, don’t you?” “Yeah,” he says. “The whole fuckin’ bed by the looks of it!”
The tired doctor was awakened by a phone call in the middle of the night. “Please, you have to come right over,” pleaded the distraught young mother. “My child has swallowed a contraceptive.” The physician dressed quickly, but before he could get out the door, the phone rang again. “You don’t have to come over after all,” the woman said with a sigh of Pinocchio was fed up with the recent complaints from relief. “My husband just found another one.” his wife. “Every time we make love, I get splinters.” So, Pinocchio went back to his maker, Gipetto the Carpenter, A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. “What for advice. “Sandpaper,” said the carpenter, “that’s what can I get you?” the bartender inquires. “I want six shots you need.” So, Pinocchio took the sandpaper home. A few of tequila,” responded the young man. “Six shots? Are you weeks later, the carpenter bumped into Pinocchio again. celebrating something?” “Yeah, my first blowjob.” “Well, “How are you getting along with the girls now?” “Who in that case, let me give you a seventh on the house.” “No needs girls?” replied Pinocchio. offense, sir, but if six shots won’t get rid of the taste, nothing will.”
Paddy stops by the pub on the way home from the doctor. “What’s the matter?” Seamus asks as he walks in. Paddy replies: “I haven’t been feeling meself recently.” “Good!” says Seamus. “That was a nasty little habit you had!” Bob and Sam are sitting in a small town bar. Bob brags: “You know, I’ve had every woman in this town. “Except my mom, of course!” “Well then,” says Sam. “Between you and I, we’ve had ‘em all!” Dale is walking home from the pub when he finds a woman tied to the railway track. He frees her and takes her home where they make passionate love all night. The next day Dale is drinking with Mike when he boasts about the night before. “So what does she look like Dale?” asks Mike. “I don’t know,” replies Dale. “I haven’t found her head yet!”
Why is masturbation just like procrastination? It’s all good until you realize you’re only screwing yourself. I took a poop in the elevator. I’m taking this shit to a whole new level. Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook
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The Fine Line between a bro hug and a greasy middle finger. We walk a lot of fine lines in our lives. They might be a work, they might be at home, they are certainly when we are around in-laws that drive us bat shit crazy, (quick full disclosure, my in-laws are kick ass). They are there when and if we need them for anything, fun to hang out with, leave us the hell alone and stay out of our business! Sure, it took me a couple of wives to find a good set, but quick tip. No matter how hot the lady is, or how bad ass the due looks, remember, when you marry them, you also marry their family. So, if they are cool before the nuptials, chances are good they will be cool after. If that is not the case, move far away. Don’t worry, we will mail you a monthly copy of Thunder Roads Iowa magazine so you won’t miss an issue. As I was saying, we all walk a fine line from time to time, around the holidays, we swallow our words after some pea brain makes a comment like “I can’t believe you still ride a murder cycle, don’t you care about your kids?” Or “I saw on TV that all bikers are in gangs, you aren’t a gangster are you?” It is hard not comment, you walk that fine line, sure you want to say, calmly, “When was the last time you got F’n laid you old hag, maybe if you got some, you wouldn’t worry about my bike!” or “My bike is safer than the 14 unfiltered Lucky Strikes you laid waste to over the past two hours”. We want to cross that line. But we don’t. For a plethora of reasons, we don’t. Mostly to keep the peace, and just go about our merry way.
all the same at their very core) and I just stopped. I am more informed by far now than I was then and I don’t miss any of it. I don’t even have any of those channels anymore come to think of it. But, you know what I did learn? Well, a few things actually, but the main takeaway (and this isn’t groundbreaking) all politics are LOCAL. Every single bit of it. Federal level? The more things don’t get done, the better all of us are it seems. But if you want to make things happen or protect what you care about, it’s all done on a local level. Want to see potholes fixed? Feds aren’t doing it. Don’t like how your school is being run? Local. Have an issue with whatever, the only way you are going to create change is by paying attention to your area and your state. Here is the other thing that I learned, MOST, not all, MOST local and state folks working for us are pretty good people. Sure, some of them are whack jobs on how involved they think the government should be in our lives, (btw, the only correct level is less and less) But by and large, most of the folks I have come across, some have even become friends, were good people. They legit “care about the job they do”. Most of them aren’t in it for the money or hours. But they do seem to care and if you talk to them like a decent person they will listen and even have a conversation with you. They get it. It’s their backyard as well and they want things to be working and going in the right direction. Now, as pulled out of being plugged in as I used to be, I still bring a great deal of attention to things that do MATTER and if it’s something that I care about, or if it affects me, my family, my friends, my friends’ family, my business, my family’s business, my friends’ business, etc, I get involved.
The ABATE Iowa lobby day is one of those days, sadly It’s the same for me with the government. Now, it’s rare, because of work schedules, I cannot attend. But if you really rare that I EVER bring up politics at all. Not with can, you SHOULD. February 12th (it’s a Wednesday) this friends, not with family and not on my radio show. I did that important annual event will be taking place at the Capitol politics crap every day while hosting a talk show and guess Rotunda . Reach out to the folks at ABATE of Iowa for the what? Not a damn thing changed, not a damn thing got relogistics and details, much information is likely to be found solved, and I ended up being an outlet for people to whine, on these pages, but if you can attend, you should. piss and moan because the other side, (pick a damn side) was doing them wrong. Back and forth, same small petty It’s amazing to see our system of government in progress, shit, every damn day something would hit the news cycle, no matter how flawed it may be, it’s still the greatest and people would listen to national policy wonks, tell everyone best system in the world. But we are lucky in Iowa because, what to think and feel or how to react and no matter what for the most part, we are governed by a great group of folks side of the spectrum they sat on…BOOM…the issue of the that (for the most part) will listen and pay attention. day. But nothing would ever change. Not that it mattered, because something new would fire up, would move the ball, I am not about to tell you how to feel about any issues, and the same reworded talking points would come into play. laws, rules, politics or causes, maybe we share some, maybe I could then and I can now, predict the outcome of all the we don’t, chances are better than average, we see things bullshit, but I just shut up and don’t cross that line, because differently on something or another, and you know what, that line annoys the ever living hell out me. I cold turkey cool, that doesn’t bother me. I have lots of friends that are stopped watching all national cable news. All of it. MSNBS, at the opposite end of the spectrum from me and we are still FOX, CNN, HNN pick a damn letter or network, (they are Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook www.thunderroadsiowa.com 38 - TRMI FEBRUARY 2020
friends. Sure, I mock them, it’s rather easy and fun, but it’s just that…in fun. We can still find a common ground on a great many things and life is way too damn short to be pissy about stuff like that. But when it comes to things that you are passionate about, things that you do care about, stand up and be counted. You may think that your voice doesn’t matter, but I am here to tell you that it does. I have seen it first-hand many, many times. I know it may not feel like it, but adding your voice to what matters for those that ride means the world. Fact of the matter is, and as painful as it is to accept, it is still true. There are fewer and fewer bikers every single year. We are just not replacing riders for a number of reasons that we can deep dive into at another time, but we all know we are a dying breed. If we don’t make our remaining voices heard and stand for what we care for, in all actuality, we really stand for nothing and the care, passion, blood that runs through our bodies that makes us live to ride, will all be dead and forgotten. Know who your local State Senator or Representative is, they need to know you by name. Your mayor, city council member, should all know you. Make it your goal this year to make that happen and make sure you know how important ABATE Iowa is. If you can, Lobby Day is coming up. Make it count. Todd “Crash” Davis
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Jan 25 Jan 24-26 Feb 1-2 Feb 8 Feb 8-9 Feb 12 Feb 14-16 Feb 15 Feb 21-23 Feb 22-23 Feb 28-29 Mar 1 Mar 6-8 Mar 6-15 Mar 7 Mar 13-15 Mar 15 Mar 21 Mar 28 Mar 28-29 Apr 4-5 Apr 5 Apr 11 Apr 11 Apr 17-18 Apr 18 Apr 18 Apr 26 May 1-2 May 2 May 2 May 8-9 May 9 May 21-24 May 23-25 May 30 May 30 Jun 5-6 Jun 6 Jun 6 Jun 12-14 Jun 12 Jun 13 Jun 13 Jun 13 Jun 13 Jun 13 Jun 19-20 Jun 20 Jun 20 Jun 20 Jun 20-21 Jun 26-28 Jun 27
Mean Machine Winter Smokeout & Calendar Release PARTY!!! Elkhart Rod and Custom Show Rock Island, IL 2020 Colorado Motorcycle Expo Denver 29th Annual Chili Cook Off Metro HD Cedar Rapids Capitol City Custom Cycle Show & Swap Horizon Center (formerly 7 flags) Clive ABATE of Iowa Lobby Day Des Moines 34th Annual Lincoln Bike Show Lincoln, NE Baxter Cycle 21st Annual Winter Open House Marne World of Wheels Kansas City 51st Rod & Custom Bike/Car Show Monticello Omaha Chapter AMCA National Swap Meet Fremont NE Parts Girl Promotions Swap Meet Cedar Rapids Cyclerama at World of Wheels Chicago Bike Week Daytona Beach, FL Bikes at the Brewery La Crosse’, WI World of Wheels Omaha Wade’s High Performance Swap Meet & Trade Show Des Moines 25th Annual Pancake Breakfast Metro HD Cedar Rapids Raccoon Valley Powersports Garage/Mancave Tour Jefferson 33rd Annual Donnie Smith Bike Show St Paul, MN 34th Annual North Iowa Expo Mason City Parts Girl Promotions Swap Meet Rock Island, IL ABATE D14 Swap Meet Hedrick ABATE D14 TGIS Hedrick Season Opener Conesville 7th Annual Easter Egg Hunt Metro HD Cedar Rapids Harley Joe’s Invitational #2 Omaha SGT Kearney Memorial Motorcycle Run Emerson Vintage Torque Fest Dubuque 9th Annual Sleeping Angels Fun Run Boone F&J Racing 25th “Blessing Of The Bikes” Grand Finale Marshalltown Swap Meet & Flea Market Conesville PGI Riders Blessing of the Bikes Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids Redneck Revival Rally (Over 21) Conesville Midway Tavern Veterans Memorial Day Weekend Poker Run Soldier Joyce’s Joyride Metro HD Cedar Rapids Harley-Davidson of Carroll Rock –N- Ride Carroll Rally in the Hills Loess Hills HD Pacific Junction Ride for Darcy ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids 4th Annual Thank You Is Not Enough Ride IronHawkCVMA Chapter 39-5 Mt Pleasant Midwest Victory Rally The Vic Shop De Soto IronHawk CVMA 39-5 APR Keosauqua IronHawk CVMA 39-5 Bike Build Off for APR Keosauqua 12th Annual Bell Tower Festival Poker Run & Cycle Show Jefferson Steve Martin Ride for a Cure ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids 6th Annual Children’s Hospital Fun Run Council Bluffs Roar Into Harlan Fun Run Harlan Rumble In The Sand Conesville Sugar Run (Diabetes) ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids ABATE D14 36th Baldy Memorial Fremont 7th Annual Hometown Heroes Memorial Ride Rockwell City ABATE D14 35th Anniversary Party What Cheer Midway Tavern All Iowa 100 Day Poker Run Soldier Legion Riders Post 111 Annual Veterans Assistance Ride Newton
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Jun 27 Jun 27 Jul 2-4 Jul 11 Jul 11 Jul 18 Jul 18 Jul 18 Jul 25 Aug 1 Aug 1 Aug 7-16 Aug 8 Aug 8 Aug 14-15 Aug 15 Aug 16 Aug 21-23 Aug 22 Aug 22 Aug 29 Sep 3-5 Sep 3-6 Sep 4-7 Sep 5 Sep 10 Sep 12 Sep 12 Sep 18-19 Sep 18-20 Oct 8 Oct 9-10 Oct 16-17 Nov 11 Dec 12
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Chains Interrupted Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids Running Over Lupus Jewell ABATE of Iowa Freedom Rally Algona PGI Support Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids 13th Annual Freeman Ride Avoca Ride for Time w/Friends of Mine Baxter Chloe Ann Memorial Ride Elk Horn St Jude Children’s Hospital ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids Union Trades Solidarity Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids Largest Female Ride Ever (World Record Attempt) Harley-Davidson of Carroll CVMA 39-2 Patriot Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids 80th Annual Sturgis Motorcycle Rally South Dakota LT Ride for Babies Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids ALR (Ames Legion Riders) 2nd Annual Show & Shine IVH Marshalltown Rumble & Truck Yeah Conesville Cancer Sucks~Car, Truck & Bike Show Council Bluffs Rumble to Recovery (620 Fund Ride) Metro HD Cedar Rapids 16th Annual BTW Trike In Kellogg Kyle’s Mile 7 Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids 5th Annual Hell On Wheels Chopper Show Franklin Cruising for a Cure Metro HD Cedar Rapids Motorcycle Swap Meet Davenport Redneck Revival Rally (Over 21) Conesville Midway Tavern 22nd Annual Soldier Valley Fundraiser Poker Run Soldier MS Moments Heid Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids Metro Motor Madness 620 Foundation Motorcycle Drawing Metro HD Cedar Rapids WTF Fun Run Harlan 9th Annual Warrior Ride Preston Rumble In The Sand Conesville State Line Rally Keosauqua 620 Foundation Check Presentation to Children’s Hospital Metro HD Cedar Rapids Swap Meet & Flea Market Conesville EOY Drags Conesville Veteran’s Day Breakfast Metro HD Cedar Rapids Santa at Metro Metro HD Cedar Rapids
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