Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa February 2018

Does anyone else get bitchy this time of year? Just in general having a really poor disposition that a guy feels like he could snap at any given moment and just verbally unload on some poor individual that is at the wrong place at the wrong time? The feeling of being cooped up that goes overboard and makes you want to just scream?

Do you wake up grumpy after dreams of cruising down the highways, twisting the wick, rolling around to rallies and bike nights with good brothers and sisters of the road? Do you often find yourself daydreaming about days on the road on two wheels, with the wind in your hair, bugs in your teeth, and your knees in the breeze? Yeah, me either. We are staring February in the face, and although winter temperatures and snow started way late last year, I think the timeframe just drags on and on no matter what this time of year.

At least we get to start getting out to some bike shows and swap meets and such in the next month or so. You can take a short jaunt across the big river to hit the Parts Girl Promotions Swap Meet at Rock Island, IL. This show kicks off the happenings in the area on January 28th. Joe and crew always put on great parts swap meets, and then they follow up with Cedar Rapids on March 4th. We will be at the CR show for sure with bells on, so stop by there to say hey! Now, back to February, we have the Capital City Custom Cycle Show and Motorcycle Swap Meet on February 10th and 11th. The event is once again going to be held at the 7 Flags Event Center in Clive, and I know for a fact that one of Tator’s goals is to get the bike show back to the level of the old days. So get your rides ready and get them down to the show. February 23rd and 24th then we will cross the other river to hit the Omaha Chapter AMCA National Swap Meet held in Fremont, NE. If you are even remotely

interested in old bikes and parts, AMCA judging, or just hanging out with vintage motorcycle folks, this is the place to be.

I would highly recommend taking the day off work on Friday and hitting the show, as that is the big day to be there and get in on the best picking of vintage parts.

We may hit some other area shows if time and weather allow, but these will at least get us out and about and hanging out with old friends and meeting new ones! It is not a nice 500 mile ride, but at least hanging out with other like-minded bikers can ease the PMS for a bit.

We have also been busy getting things ready for the 2018 Tall Corn Run. If you have a card, hang onto it, you will still need it. If you need a card, read the paragraph above and we will have them with us at the shows this winter.

We are still doing the program, but we are going to change it up a little bit for 2018. We sure as hell don’t want to see it go away, but want it to be a bit more manageable for Check-In spots as well as for staff on our end. There will be more to come in the following months on these very pages, on the website, and on the Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa Facebook page.

One last thing before we part ways for the month, we would like to thank the loyal readers and sponsors of the magazine. Without your support we could not be going into our 9th year of publishing Iowa’s Biker Magazine, Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa.

Thanks tons for having us!

Vernon Quote of the Month: “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” Charles M. Schulz

On the Cover We here at Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa have long held the opinion that it does not matter what you ride, how you ride, where you ride, when you ride, or why you ride, JUST GET OUT AND RIDE! Ride what YOU want! Don’t pick your ride, the color of your ride, the accessories for your ride, or your route based on what everyone else is doing or thinks you should do. In a sport that is so individualized, don’t forget that it is that “at one with machine” mentality that makes two and three wheeled travel so alluring. So, love what you ride, and ride what you love, and get out on the road!

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Well, we’ve hit the time of year that many y of us find the most difficult. Our failed New w Year’s resolutions are far behind us and spring is far ahead of us. The women are eyeing their inside “to-do” lists for their men and the men are suddenly deciding that they have things to take care of out in the garage. I’m pretty sure they don’t even care if the garage iage, is heated! After almost 36 years of marriage, I’m beginning to realize that I could take me I advantage of this phenomenon. Next time ’ll want some peace and quiet in the house I’ll just wander into the room where Mark is making some kind of mess or racket, hold up a piece of paper and say “Can we talk about this list of things I want you to do?” and watch him bolt out the back door, mumbling something about going to Al’s house to talk to him about an issue with one of the bikes.

I guess that, realistically, this is a good time get work done on your bike anyway. My problem is that I don’t know enough about what Mark is doing to show proper appreciation. I remember once when he came in looking all pleased and announced that he just had the cam chain tensioners replaced on my Dyna. I had no clue what he was talking about, but since he looked happy and seemed to think it was an accomplishment, I said, “Oh, that’s nice.

Thanks!”

has ccommitted over the millennia – the murders, the child sex trafficking, the mu rruining of reputations, and the killing of hopes – and think of what it cost a loving Father to arrange to have his son Jesus be counted as guilty of all that and be executed in place of the guilty parties - us - so that we could live in a relationship with him as his children. was free to us, but incredibly costly to Grace w God. Here’s where the rubber meets the road: Here if we’re accepting God’s grace to cover our sins but we’re not living any differently, then we’ve really missed out on the meaning of grace. Remember Sam who restored the car? What if he gave that car a neighbor? Just gave it to him! And while the neighbor accepted the car and said, “Yeah, thanks,” but wasn’t interested in hearing about the maintenance that would need to be done, ran the car up over the curbs, and basically drove it like he stole it, wouldn’t you think the neighbor was ignorant and ungrateful for not treating the car as though Sam’s work had value?

My ignorance is even more on display with big projects. We have a friend, Sam, who dropped out of social life for about a year and a half and when I finally ran into him one day, I found out why: he had bought an old car and was spending all his spare time (and money) restoring it. He told me that he’d spent about double on the restoration compared to what he could ever get from selling the car and that people didn’t get into vehicle restoration for the money, but for the love of the car. He started using mysterious terms like “headers” and “manifold” and “matching the original paint” and I just stood there, nodding. Finally, Sam whipped out his phone and started showing me pictures. Ah! Now I could contribute something to the conversation. “Nice black car!” I said.

That’s exactly how we behave when we accept God’s forgiveness of our sins but go on and live our lives for ourselves.

If we have any appreciation for God’s gift of grace we’ll live a life that reflects our thankfulness, a life of worship.

The word “worship” came from the old word “worth-ship”, which meant “to acknowledge the value of”. So worship means to live in a way that shows the value of what God did for us. It means living in a way that shows God’s great love for us. Ephesians 5:1 says it like this: “Be imitators of God, as beloved children and walk in love as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us.”

If you still feel unsure about what it means to live a life of thankfulness and worship to God, check out the web site below. It’s a great starting point!

Blessings – Karla Mark & Karla Cornick are Area Reps for the Christian Motorcyclists Association.

Find out more about CMA and about God’s plan for you at www.cmausa.org

You can laugh at my lack of knowledge, but another area of understanding we’re all lacking in is the understanding what our salvation cost God. I heard it said recently that when it comes to our relationship with God, “man contributes 100 percent of the sin and God contributes 100 percent of the saving grace”. If you’re not sure about that, consider all the sins that mankind 6 - TRMI FEBRUARY 2018

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The Biker Friendly Business Directory is a list of establishments throughout Iowa that sponsor the magazine. You can pick up your copy here every month. Let them know that you saw them in TRMI. If your business would like to advertise in Thunder Roads Iowa Biker Friendly Business Listing and become a part of the network, please email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com

Biker Accessories CoolBikerStuff.com 1606 P Avenue Milford, Iowa 51351 877-816-2200 Follow us on Facebook!!

Crispy’s Biker Apparel Cedar Rapids, Iowa Find Us On Facebook 319-241-0916 HMC Industries, Inc. 702 S. 3rd Ave. Marshalltown, IA 50158 Toll Free: 844-957-1502 hmcindustries.com

Churches Rebels In His Hands 600 16th Avenue Council Bluffs, Iowa Mark and Lora Schiller Pastors 712-329-9901

Dealers

Fenders Cycle and Motorsport 1500 E Army Post Road Des Moines, Iowa 50315 515-256-9062 www.fenderscycle.com Fenders Honda 919 E Lincoln Way Ames, Iowa 50010 info@fendershonda.com 515-233-4727 Loess Hills Harley-Davidson 57408 190th Street Pacific Junction IA 51561 712-622-4000 loesshillshd.com MCA Midwest Cycle Authority 4200 E 14th Street DSM 515-266-2100 On Facebook Metro Harley-Davidson 2415 Westdale Drive SW Cedar Rapids, Iowa 52404 319-362-9496 www.metro-motorsports.com Nishna Valley Cycle HONDA – YAMAHA – KTM Atlantic, Iowa 50022 1-888-577-6406 www.nishnavalleycycle.com Route 65 Harley-Davidson 1300 S Jefferson Way Indianola, Iowa 50125 515.962.2160 www.route65hd.net Route69Customs.com 2814 SE 14th St, DSM 515-288-9600 Custom American V-twins Follow us on Facebook

Baxter Cycle 311 4th Street Marne, Iowa 51552 712-781-2351 www.baxtercycle.com

Storm Lake Honda 3040 Expansion Blvd Storm Lake, Iowa 50588 StormLakeHonda.com 712-732-2460

Big Barn Harley-Davidson 81 NW 49th Place Des Moines, Iowa 50313 515-265-4444 www.bigbarnhd.net

Struthers Bros Kaw-Suz-Tri 5191 NW 2nd Avenue Des Moines, Iowa 50313 515-282-3634 www.struthersbros.com

C&C Custom Cycle 130 E Lincoln Chariton, Iowa 50049 641-774-7494 www.cc-cycle.com

Uptown Motors Sales, Inc 310 Cleveland St Muscatine, IA 52761 563-263-2944 www.uptownmotorsales.com

Carroll Cycle Center 1327 Plaza Dr Carroll, Iowa 712-792-1610 www.carrollcycle.com

Wiebler’s Harley-Davidson 5320 Corporate Park Drive Davenport, IA 52807 563-355-6437 www.wieblers.com

Edwards Motorsports and RV’s 1010 34th Avenue Council Bluffs, Iowa 51501 712-366-8400

Zylstra Harley-Davidson 1930 E 13th Street Ames, Iowa 50010 515-232-6223 zylstrahd.com

fullthrottleia.com or edwardsrvs.com

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Entertainment Book Em Dano’s 33 S Main Street Denison, Iowa 51442 712-263-9818Mon-Sat 4-2 Dancers Nightly 5-1:30 Celebrations DJ & Karaoke Services Newton, IA 641-521-8036 Any Occasion /Rally or Event EmCee Facebook/Ray Johansen(Celebrations) Specializing in Weddings & Receptions Marshall County Hangmen DUO ACT AVAILABLE Bike Nights, Bars, Private Parties Large Events & Small Dave Gray 641-691-0822 National Motorcycle Museum 102 Chamber Drive Anamosa, Iowa 52205 319-462-3925 Nationalmcmuseum.org Okoboji Classic Cars Museum and Restoration Shop 810 Jeppeson Road West Okoboji, Iowa 51351 712-332-8029

Food and Drink (Popular Poker & Fun Run Locations) American Legion Post 46 1301 S 6th Street Marshalltown, Iowa50158 641-752-3612 Open to the Public 7 Days a Week American Legion Post 111 1101 W 4th Street S Newton 641-792-3353 Open to the Public 7 Days a Week Newtonamericanlegion111.org Barney’s 203 S Mill Street Wadena, Iowa 52169 563-774-2525 Barney’s Wadena on Facebook Baxa’s Sutliff Store & Tavern 5546 130th Street NE Lisbon 319-624-2204 Cold Beer, Delicious Food, Good Music & Great Times!

Calvin Rockett Bar & Grill 2013 South Center Street Marshalltown, Iowa 50158 641-328-1033 Open 7 Days a Week 11 – Close Catfish Charlie’s On the Mississippi River 1630 E. 16th Street Dubuque, IA 52001 (563)582-8600 www.CatfishCharliesDubuque.com

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Desperados 105 E 5th Street Atlantic 712-243-7087 Home of Cold Beer, Good Times, Pizza & Wings Eddies Tavern 407 D Street Sergeant Bluff, Iowa 51054 Open 11am 7 Days/Week 712-943-9924 Ferg’s Bar & Grill 806 Hwy 30 Grand Junction, Iowa 50107 515-738-5416 Where Good Friends Meet Firehouse Bar 1211 5th Street Downtown Sioux City, IA 712-224-1020 Open Daily at 12:00 Flat Tire Lounge 304 S Madison Madrid 515-795-4174 Outdoor Patios – Happy Hour 3-9 Flat Tire Lounge on Facebook Fore Seasons Golf Bar 6232 HWY S-74 South Newton, Iowa 50208 641-792-1246 Open to the Public 7 Days a Week Greencastle Tavern – Mingo Outdoor Patio – Friendly Service Wed Bike Nights – Fri Steak Night Coldest Beer in Central Iowa Greencastle Tavern/Ryan Maher on FB Grinnell Eagles Club 616 4th Avenue Grinnell, Iowa 50112 Open 7 Days a Week Check Us on Facebook Grinnell Pub 909 State Street Grinnell, Iowa 50112 641-260-8003 Grinpub@aol.com Goozman’s Westside Bar & Grill 1019 7th St Harlan, Iowa 712-755-2259 Goozman’s Westside on Facebook Happenings Bar 508 W Market Street Steamboat Rock, Iowa www.happeningsbar.com 641-868-2000 Haverhill Social Club 202 1st Street Haverhill, Iowa 50120 641-475-3321 Mon-Sat 10-2, Sun 12-12 Hog Stop BBQ 2327 S. 24th Street Council Bluffs, Iowa 51501 712-EAT-BBQS Hog Stop BBQ on Facebook

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Iron Saddle Saloon 39 S Main Street Dayton, Iowa 50530 515-547-3311 J.R. Willie’s Gateway to the Beautiful Hill Country Colesburg, IA 563-856-5095 Open Daily Mon-Sun 11AM Home of the Willie Whopper Just 1 More 515-570-4206 403 3rd Ave Under the Water Tower Jamaica, Iowa

Mudders in Minburn Coldest Beer in Dallas County Bar Food-Wings-Pizza-ETC 515-897-9223 Open M-Sun 11AM Facebook Mudders

Scooters on Broadway 475 NE Broadway Des Moines, Iowa 515-288-1053 scootersonbroadway@hotmail.com

The Buck Snort Oakland 310 Dr Van Zee Road Oakland, Iowa 51560 712-355-5315 The Buck Snort Oakland on FB

Old Timer Tavern 401 S Center Street Marshalltown Mon-Sat 6am-2am, Sun 12pm-2am Outdoor Patio-Live Entertainment 641-753-9854 and Facebook

Sidetracked 206 West Union Street Creston, Iowa 50801 641-782-8534

The Edge 3157 Joliet Avenue Missouri Valley, Iowa 51555 712-642-2229 The Edge on Facebook

Outsiders Pub 207 N. Main Street Roland, Iowa, 50236 515-388-4443 Outsiders Pub on Facebook

Sportsman Bar & Grill 103 1st Street Pisgah, Iowa 51564 712-456-2222 FOOD, FUEL, FUN

KC’s Tavern 120 N Main Street Bridgewater, Iowa 50837 Mon-Fri 4:30-Close, Sat-Sun 1-Close Find Us on FB 641-369-2017

Papa Joe’s 117 South 6th Street Missouri Valley, Iowa 51555 712-642-9015

Stumpy’s Bar & Grill 423 Main Street Duncombe, Iowa 50532 515-543-4222 Stumpy’s Bar & Grill on Facebook

Knickers Saloon 2186 Central Avenue Dubuque, Iowa 52001 563-557-0887 365 Days a Year Knickers Saloon on Facebook

Pearl Street Social Club 110 Pearl Street SW Shellsburg, Iowa 52332 319-436-7100 Find Us On Facebook!

Suds –N- Jugs Bar & Grill 807 Iowa Avenue Onawa, Iowa 51040 712-433-4880 Nightly Food Specials

Lampe’s Pub 608 Iowa Avenue Dunlap, Iowa 51529 712-643-5781 Open 7 days a week at 11 AM

Pines Steakhouse Oinkers Lounge & Grill

1500 E 7th Street Atlantic, Iowa 50022 712-243-3606 M-F 11AM-, S-S 4PM-

Sugar’s Diner & Lounge 2725 E Kanesville Blvd Council Bluffs, Iowa 712-322-3600 Check us out on Facebook

Lynn’s On Merle Hay 6014 NW 59th Ct Johnston, Iowa 50131 515-270-9806 Find us on Facebook!

Polk City Pub 217 W Broadway Polk City, Iowa 50226 515-984-9388 Open @ 11:00AM / Closed Mon.

Sundown Bar and Grill 112 W State Street Williamsburg, Iowa 52361 319-668-2994 Patio Bar and Brick Oven Pizza

Mainstreet Bar 204 E. Main Street Terril, Iowa 51364 507-841-0978 Check Us Out on Facebook

Red Oak Tap 419 E. Reed Red Oak, Iowa 51566 712-623-4788

T.J.’s Pourhouse 100 E. Washington Street Exira, Iowa 50076 712-268-2353 Open M-SAT.@11, SUN.@ NOON

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Main Street 519 S Main Street Council Bluffs, Iowa 51501 712-256-3613 Open 7 Days a Week McCanns Tap NE 14th & 54th Des Moines, Iowa 50313 Bike Parking M-F 2:00 Sat & Sun 11:00

k Mi Casa Family Restaurant 512 Market Street Harlan, Iowa 51537 712-755-2258 Enjoy Drinks at the Full Bar! Midway Tavern 206 1st Street Soldier, Iowa 712-884-2230 www.midwaytavernsoldier.com Montgomery Street Pub 207 East Montgomery Street Creston, Iowa 50801 641-782-2165

Riverside Tavern 450 E Main St Lehigh, Iowa 50557 515-359-9998 Email:riversidetap@gmail.com RJ’s Bar & Grill 228 High Street – Kellogg Mon-Sat Lunch and Dinner 6 AM Breakfast Sat-Sun 641-526-9911 Roadhouse 105 Washington Marne, Iowa 51552 712-781-2272 Home of the Marne Burger Ruby’s Pub and Grill 114 NE 2nd Street Stuart NEWLY REMODELED Full Kitchen & Bar Check us out on Facebook Sambetti’s Bar and Grill 1430 2nd Avenue Des Moines, Iowa 50314 515-245-9780 Mon-Sat 11a-2a, Sun 11a-7p

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Team 36 Bar & Grill 101 2nd Street NW Mitchellville 515-957-0360 Sunday Funday Summertime Stop Open 7 Days a Week, Weekend Breakfast The Back Forty 317 Main St. Macedonia, Iowa 51549 712-486-2687 facebook.com/thebackforty The Buck Snort Restaurant & Sports Bar 25 Scott Street Council Bluffs, Iowa 51503 712-328-2825 TheBuckSnortrestaurantandsportsbaronFB The Buck Snort 419 Sharp Street Glenwood, Iowa 51534 712-520-6454 Buck Snort Glenwood on Facebook

The Lucky Pig Pub & Grill 113 W Walnut Street Ogden, Iowa 50212 515-275-9946 The Lucky Pig Pub & Grill on FB The Place2B! 116 N. Federal Ave Mason City, IA 50401 M-F 3p-2a S-S 2p-2a Find Us On Facebook The Sawmill Bar & Grill Now with a Full Menu 401 Main St New Market, IA 51646-3079 712-585-3601 The Yankee Clipper 312 SW Maple St Ankeny, Ia 50023 515-964-9484 yankeeclipperbar.com Thirsty’s on 3rd 2202 W 3rd, Davenport 563-424-1143 Follow Us on Facebook Daily Thirst Quenching Deals Tobey Jacks Mineola Steak House Mineola, Iowa 712-526-2078 Open 7 Days a Week Check Us Out on Facebook Vic’s Main Tap 304 Broadway Audubon, Iowa 50025 712-563-2122 Opens M-F 3, Sat 10, Sun 3 Whatcha Smokin? BBQ+Brew 403 Iowa Avenue Luther, Iowa 50152 515-257-7490 Everyday 11am-9pm Whitetails Bar & Grill 101 N. Main St. Marble Rock IA,50653 641-397-9900 Mon- Sat 7am breakfast 2am Close www.whitetailsbarandgrill.com Wilson’s Tap and Recreation 1008 Story Street Boone, Iowa 50036/ 515-433-1395

The Buck Snort 113 4th Street Neola, Iowa 51559 712-485-9090 The Buck Snort on Facebook

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Guns and Ammo

Lodging/Food

2A Firearms Training Training to Protect Your 2nd Amendment Rights 641-439-6660 Craig.2aft@gmail.com

Laid Back Manor 312 Parker Street Green Mountain, Iowa (870)484-2561 “A great little place to ride to!”

JLM Shooters Supply 6931 Doublas Avenue Urbandale, Iowa 50322 jlmgunshop@gmail.com 515-331-1577

Photo and Art

Magnum Gun Sales 26487 Mulberry Lane Underwood, Iowa 51576 712-566-8100 Just Off I-80, Exit 17 McCunn Specialty Firearms 74980 Richland Road Massena, Iowa 50853 www.mccunnsguns.com 712-779-GUNS Wendl’s Weapons 529 N East Street Carroll, Iowa 51401 712-775-2338 www.wendlsweapons.com

Insurance & Financial Farm Bureau Financial Services 208 Faith Ave Underwood, IA 51576 Shane.baker@fbfs.com 712-310-7475 or 402-379-3237 O’Malley Weatlh Mgmt.

5623 NW 86th Street Suite 400 Johnston, Iowa 50131 515-490-0930 State Farm Clark Ahrenholtz, Agent 2114 12th Street Harlan, Iowa 712-755-5724 Clark.ahrenholtz.jb69@statefarm.com

Legal Hupy and Abraham sc, pc Lawyers for Bikers 800.800.5678 Hupy.com TheBikerLawyers.com Leehey Olson Law, PC Riding & Defending Your Rights for Over 30 Years 877-209-9452 Walker, Billingsley & Bair 208 N. 2nd Ave. West Newton, Iowa 50208 Corey@WalkLaw.com 641-792-3595

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Chuck’s Cycle Service and Repair S&S and Drag Specialties Dealer 714 East 7th Street Washington, Iowa52353 319-461-5278

Road Rage BikeWorks 401 High Street Avoca, Iowa 51521 712-307-6111 Road Rage BikeWorks on Facebook

Creative Concepts Collision 422 Market Street Harlan, Iowa 51537 712.755.2231

SS Collision, Cycle Works & Graphics 2902 11th Ave SW Spencer, Iowa 51301 712-262-3959 www.sscollision.com

Ullrich Photography PO Box 1842 Clinton, Iowa 52733 563-243-8715 www.natanic.com

Services

Cycle Clinic 2209 ML King Pkwy Des Moines, Iowa 50314 cycleclinicdm.com 515-288-6954 F & J Racing 701 N 3rd Ave Marshalltown, Iowa 50158 641-752-8651 www.fandjracing.com

Halo Motorsports A+ Affordable Dyno Tuning/Trike Conversions/Service Heat, Air, Refrigeration & Geo Thermal 101 2nd Street 22274 Old Lincoln Hwy Grand Junction, Iowa 50107 Crescent, Iowa 51526 515-370-2568 712-329-9901 Mean Machine Cycle Parts Action Towing Elkhart, Iowa 50073 Council Bluffs, Iowa Stereos, Bars, LED Lights, Air Ride 712-325-8235 Mon-Fri 9-6, Sat 9-12 Discount or FREE 515-367-7336 Motorcycle Towing Motorcycle Medic 3176 Highway 30 AMSOIL Iowa Synthetics Woodbine, Iowa 51579 Iowa’s Leading Wholesale Distributor 712-647-2818 Guaranteed Low Prices Open Tues-Sat Noon-6PM 641-751-2893 Nelson Machine & Forge www.iowasynthetics.com General Machining, Ornamental Iron, Weld/Fab BCS Computers 70 Washington Street 100 Industrial Road Marne, Iowa 51552 Guthrie Center, Iowa 50115 712-781-2220 641-747-3344 www.brubakercomputer.com Pike Run Services 320 Main CJ Now Plumbing Nichols, Iowa 52766 Sewer & Water Specialists Shop 319-723-4244 309-786-2002 Cell 319-330-4541 Serving the Quad Cities Area On Call 24-7 Southwest Iowa Sandblasting Mike Magers 65162 Oxford Rd Atlantic, Iowa 50022 712-249-3995

Steffens Cycle Shop LLC 1311 E 7th Street Atlantic, Iowa 50022 712-243-3076 Mon-Fri 9-5, Sat 9-12 or Call The Vic Shop DeSoto, Iowa 515-339-4313 Facebook.com/TheVicShop VICTORY ONLY Weeks Manufacturing & Powdercoating 2235 400th Street Walnut, Iowa 51577 402-651-6977 weeksmanufacturing@gmail.com

Tires Sandbothe Firestone 1106 Main Street Griswold, Iowa 51535 712-778-2223 Sandbothe Firestone on Facebook

To buy ad space for your business or service in our directory, give us call at 712-249-5630 or email vernon@ thunderroadsiowa.com

Shops & Fabricators s Bent Wrench Cycles 911 7th Street Harlan, Iowa 51537 712-235-2453 Bent Wrench Cycles on Facebook Bigfuuts Paint & Repair Baxter, IA 515-577-6730 Custom Paint & Fabrication After Hours Service & Parts Stereos-Electrical-Repairs Butterfield’s M.C. Parts 8025 Blondo Street Omaha, NE 68134 402-391-3768

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99 counties to tour on the bike, 99 counties to tour, take one down, drive on around, 7 counties to tour on the bike. A few years back, a summer riding goal was to ride through each one of the counties of Iowa, and what was found was a wealth of interest and beauty.

Each month we will revisit each county as a featured article. We will tell you about new things to see, places to ride, and give you a little spark of curiosity for our state of Iowa.

conveniently located on Broad Street. If while in Humeston you get a hankerin for a hot

cup of joe, stop in Roony’s at 128 Broad Street for a piping hot espresso… heck, you can even take home some fresh roasted beans if you want. Grub time in Humeston has several places Wayne County to fight your hangry self. Grassroots Wayne County is a Café sits on Broad county located in the Street amongst the southernmost central retail shops, and portion of our great offers patrons a variety of state. Wayne County sandwiches, soups, salads, has a population of and pie. If burgers are approximately 6,400 people inhabiting its 527 square more your thing, then be miles, making it the fifth-least populous county sure to swing by Shaker’s in Iowa. The county seat lies in Corydon. Wayne Bar and Grill at 105 E Main County was formed in 1846 and was named after Street for a bite and a brew.

General Anthony Wayne (his likeness now adorns the Wayne County Freedom Rock in the Corydon From Humeston we took downtown square). Its southern border with Missouri J22 east through the small was uncertain until an official decision from the US berg of Cambria on Supreme Court was announced in 1848. This decision our way to Millerton. held the 1816 Sullivan line as the northern boundary Millerton is only .21 of an Osage Indian cession. This line is not a true square miles in size and east-west line so the county does not have an exactly home to approximately rectangular shape. Wayne County had settlements in 45 people. Rarely the county as early as 1841, but the settlers actually do we find smaller thought they were in Missouri due to the uncertainty communities than our of the Iowa/Missouri border. The first settlers actually own hometown, but intending to be in Iowa came about 1848. The local Millerton, you have government was then organized and the county seat us beat! We decided selected in 1851. to keep rolling south down Hwy 14 into the We started our journey through Wayne County from county seat, and largest the north. Entering where Hwy 65 runs smack dab city in Wayne County… into Humeston. Founded in 1872, Humeston has a Corydon. history rich in agricultural roots, and is now home to just under 500 residents. This small town has plenty Corydon is home to to offer on Broad Street alone. Retail therapy abounds over 1600 residents, on Broad Street. If you are looking for clothing or and has been the jewelry, be sure to check out Dragonfly, Grampa county seat since 1851.

Jims, or Sweet Southern Sass. If candles, antiques, Corydon was a stop and trinkets are more your speed, be sure to stop by along the Mormon Whiddledottles, The Well, or Snyder’s also

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Trail, and Jesse James even robbed the Ocobock Bank back in the day. The Prairie Trails Museum of Wayne County is located on the eastern side of Corydon on Highway 2. It features a brick building that houses over 25,000 artifacts from Wayne County history. Permanent exhibits include a tribute to the Mormon Trail and the original safe that was robbed

by Jesse James on June 3, 1871. Corydon is also home to a nice town square, complete with the previously mentioned Freedom Rock, bandstand, and Court House.

All summer, the downtown square hosts Thursday music nights, presented

by Wayco Arts.

Corydon also hosts

We jumped on S40 south a bit, to hook up with J46 into Seymour. This is a great little section to ride if you are in the area. Seymour lies on the eastern border of Wayne County, and is home to a little over 700 people. The residents of Seymour are lucky to have The Seymour Tap and Eatery make its home here as well. Located at 423 W Wall Street, they serve up steaks, burgers, even prime rib along with ice cold beverages that are all sure to please. If you are in the area, be sure to stop by tell ‘em Thunder Roads sent ya!

From Seymour we scooted back west on J46 and north again on S40 through Corydon. Hwy 2 then took us far enough West to drop briefly south on J26 for a stop in Allerton. Allerton has over 500 residents gracing its 1.14 square miles of land, and was originally platted by the Rock Island Railroad when it came through the area in 1870. It became a legal town in 1874 and had a peak population of 1,600 in 1913. Allerton and Corydon even fought to be the Wayne County seat. Several times, during the early establishment of the two towns, county records were moved back and forth between the two towns (sometimes illegally) before Corydon was finally declared the county seat. Allerton is home to a historical round barn located at 2328 129th Street, as well as Bobwhite State Park at 2301 Bobwhite Rd. If you need lodging in the area, be sure to check out the Old Settlers Celebration The Inn of the Six-Toed Cat on 200 N Central Avenue. each August, complete with This is a cool old hotel circa 1909, fully restored, and with 13 foot embossed tin ceilings and period parade, carnival, and live music. Corydon offers many correct antiques. The Inn also offers themed retreats, weddings and receptions, and hunting specials. This different places to fill your is a top-notch get away, right here in Iowa. belly or wet your whistle.

Connie welcomes anyone Wayne County was a great visit, and special thanks to in search of tasty vittles at The Lodge Twisted at 105 W. our friend Josh Shields for the pointers, we appreciate Jackson Street (north side of the assistance! Be sure to join us next month and see the square). If a steakhouse what kind of chaos we can create a little further north, up in Webster County. is what you need while in Corydon, look no further than Ludlow’s at 112 East Sources available upon request.

Jefferson Street, but be aware, they are only open Wednesday through Saturday, so schedule your visit Melanie J Schwarte accordingly.

Melanie@thunderroadsiowa.com

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We want you on our pages!

If you are an Iowa Girl of Thunder, send us a quality image, your name, year and model of bike, and where you are from to: vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com

Zoe Ruchti Carroll 2012 Street Glide Alicia Sloan Jefferson 2012 Heritage Softail

Jackie Kalkhoff Manning 2012 Heritage Softail 18 - TRMI FEBRUARY 2018

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Kim Gravitt Carroll 2011 Triglide Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook

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From The Bob Butterfield Collection 26 - TRMI FEBRUARY 2018

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I have known this month’s Military Rider for many years, but have not been able to write about him until now. Steve Heuton and I have been friends for almost 30 years. Steve is a Veteran of the United States Army, and he served in 1969 and 1970 in the heart of the Vietnam War. He attained a rank of E-4, or SPEC 4 as it was called while serving.

Military service was not new to the Heuton family, as his father served with the United States Marine Corp in World War II. Steve attended Basic Training at Fort Lewis in Washington, strangely with Mick Soll that he graduated high school with, as well as some other local guys after being drafted in the Army.

After basic training they were split up and Steve ended up at Fort Bragg, North Carolina.

While on domestic duty, he was stationed with the 82nd Airborne Division. He was trained as an Armorer, and was tasked with repairing small weapons and machine guns. After a short 8 month stint there, he went across the world to Vietnam.

Overseas he served with the 6th Battalion, 32nd Field Artillery.

He was originally assigned as a Ratio Transmit Operator to the Lieutenant of a reconnaissance company, but as many times in battle, jobs change and Steve ended up working in the transportation end supplying munitions to troops. He was one of the guys in the deuce and a half or five ton trucks hauling ammunition, heavy artillery loads and barrels of gunpowder. Not that there are ever any good jobs in a combat zone, but between radio work, and munitions supply, Steve had his share of minute by minute fears for his and his comrade’s lives. After a long 10 months, 15 days, and 32 minutes, Steve’s service in Vietnam was over, and he left that part of the world for good at 0832 hours on the 8th of February 1970. After returning home, he separated from the Army on the 10th of February and returned home to adapt and make his life.

a 2007 Heritage Softail that was the prettiest Cobalt Blue, and it was dripping in chrome and added cool stuff. They went to go check it out, and although Steve thought it was beautiful, he had not been indoctrinated into the motorcycle world as of yet, and was more concerned with the price tag, so he held off. Dean took it for a spin and said that it was a runner and that although it had the 96 inch motor, it did not feel stock at all, and guessed the engine was not the way it left the Motor Company. Now when you start talking about hot rods, Steve also has a deep blue early Firebird, and now his interest was piqued. The seller and buyer haggled it out and Steve got a price he was comfortable with, so last summer, Steve became the owner of this fine ride. He put as many miles as he could on two wheels, and has been having more and more fun on the bike and meeting more riders everywhere he goes. Get your first bike ever in your sixties? Why the hell not?!

Steve loves the bike exactly the way it is, and only has plans to burn fossil fuel and keep it clean and serviced between rides. He wants to ride as much as possible, and has one big trip planned for this year. He and his buddy Dean are going to make the trek to Washington DC for Rolling Thunder.

He has known about this ride for years, but not owning a motorcycle, didn’t fit, but now it is a completely different story. They will be gone for more than a week on the trip and then back to Iowa to keep riding as much as possible.

If you see Steve out on a ride, give him a wave, or if you see him in person shake his hand and thank him for his service.

Thanks to all of the troops past, present, and future for doing what they do so that we can do what we do.

Vernon

Steve worked and lived and raised a family, and got into hotrods and classic cars for a majority of his life. He never really had an urge to ride, until the last few years when Dean, Ron, and Vern kept on him about getting a bike and learning to ride so that he go could go with them on their many adventures on two wheels. One day Ron called him and said that he found Steve a great bike for him. It was 28 - TRMI FEBRUARY 2018

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I declare February to be the official month of Love! I think many motorcycle accidents or worse yet motorcycle one day of that BS is plenty however in honor of the month fatalities happening in February. of Love, I decided to itemize all the things that I Love about being an Iowa biker in February.

Time Management – I have not wasted any time looking for my sunglasses or applying sunscreen. I’m also not wasting Fuel Mileage – A full tank of gas lasts all month long. my time washing the bike, mainly because I can’t find a hot chic in a bikini and why pay someone to stroke the scooter Role Model – It has been a long time coming, but I may when they are dressed like an Eskimo. have finally done it. This might be the only month of the year that obeying the drinking and driving laws comes easy. Improved Social Skills – My language skills have improved A cool, crisp, bone chilling ride magically alters the pit stop tremendously. There is no more profanity spewing from my taste buds. How many people do you know doing time for mouth. Could have something to do with not having any drinking coffee? Case closed, I’m a role model. friends, might be because cage drivers no longer see me as a bullseye or the simple fact that I don’t have to figure out Bigger and Better Riding Stories - At this point in my riding how to fold my paper map. career my friend count is ZERO! I haven’t seen or heard from any of them for about 3 months. That’s OK I really Bucket List Accomplishment – I am officially on day 62 don’t mind not having friends, no one is bossing me around, of accomplishing a lifelong goal. I have not been forced to no one is deciding where I am going and no one is telling express to one single bad driver or a cell phone moron that I me what road I am going to travel! I’m good with that. think that they are number one. It’s been so long now I don’t I have plenty of opportunities to ride alone, just me, the even remember which finger to use. machine, my imagination and the February riding stories that no one can really verify the accuracy of. Chuckle, Improved Attitude – I’m very happy that there are no broken Chuckle. No one is begging me to go for a ride and there down bikes sitting alongside the road. However there have certainly aren’t any women begging to straddle my pee pad, been an increase in cage drivers parked alongside the road. not even the ugly drunk ones.

Here’s my opinion of that situation, cage drivers never see me when I’m on the two wheeler, so I don’t see them sitting Flashbacks – A quickie right now, is an excellent reminder in the ditch. Use that damn cell phone now to call someone that 50 degrees in November wasn’t really that cold after that cares, because I sure as hell don’t. all.

Stay safe and keep warm, we will all be back on two wheels Bragging Rights – I have not hit a single pot hole on my soon. scooter all year. And even better yet I haven’t ridden in the rain either.

Shifty LaRue Increased Revenue - Last week when it was thirteen degrees below zero and the wind chill made it feel like minus 35, I told a coworker that I rode the scooter to work. He replied, “Your nuts!” my warped mind interpreted the punctuation in that statement differently than what it was intended. I accidently replaced the exclamation point with a question mark then slapped him with a sexual harassment case. Cha Ching Living on the Edge – Absolutely not a single bug in your face while riding in February, so right now is a great time of the year to take some chances and remove the windshield from the bike.

Increased Life Expectancy – You don’t hear about very 330 - TRMI TRM RMII FEBRUARY FEBR FE BR RUA UARY RY 22018 0188 01

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Concourse de Cornfield

September is one my favorite times of the year to ride the roads of Iowa.

It is getting towards the end of the riding season and it is cooling down just a bit, and the list of events seems to be huge with everyone planning one last party or get together.

One of my top events is the Concourse De Cornfield put together by the Two Rivers chapter of the AMCA. This is a vintage motorcycle show and bike rodeo. For those who may not know, AMCA stands for Antique Motorcycle Club of America. It is a social club with the central Iowa chapter forming 12 years ago. They welcome all motorcycle enthusiasts and brands of motorcycles. If it is old and has two wheels or three, it is what the club is about.

The AMCA has different regional chapters all across the county, but the only Iowa local chapter is called Two Rivers Vintage Motorcycle Club. They picked the name being east to west, the Mississippi and Missouri Rivers and north to south, the Raccoon and Des Moines Rivers. They have over 50 members throughout the state.

Any one may join the regional chapter but must also become a member of the National AMCA. For information on the club, check their website, www. tworiversvmc.org.

Now the Concourse De Cornfield bike show is held in midSeptember on a Sunday four miles west of Earlham, Iowa on the Penn Center United Methodist Church grounds. It is on county highway P53 which is the Redfield exit off I80. Stay on P53 and go four miles south. You will start seeing bikes coming and going.

Once you get to Penn Center, you can’t miss it. You will see a count of around 125 vintage motorcycles on display with several hundred people coming and going throughout the day. They have the bike show with most being ridden in, field events with some you have never seen before, music, an emcee, and a few vendors. As the bikes are started, whether it is to ride in the field events or leaving the grounds, most have to be kick or peddle started. This is something one does not see much of now a days.

Being Sunday, the church has service in the early morning with the bikes and actives starting in the later part of the morning. The church members stick around and serve up really good burgers and brats as well as grandma type of sides and deserts. The homemade ice cream is the best by far. This has become a big fund raiser for the church and helps to add new 32 - TRMI FEBRUARY 2018

members to the club each year. It is a family friendly event, no alcohol is allowed on the grounds. By 3:00 in the afternoon everything is winding down and they start pulling out. This past year was the 10th anniversary of the event with it getting a little bigger each year. There is no charge to enter a bike in the show or to attend. Anyone may enter a motorcycle in the show but it must be 35 years old or older. Awards are given and everyone in attending gets to vote for their favorite bike in each class. The bike show part is a typical show except all being at least 35 years old. What is not typical are the field events. They have the standard slow race and plank ride, but the others I have never seen anywhere else. We have the clothesline with the passenger pulling off as many clothes pins as she can get and drop in a bucket. Then we have a PVC drain pipe 50 feet long hanging on fence posts with a slight drop from end to end.

The idea is for the rider to drop a golf ball in one end and ride the length timing the roll of the ball and catch it on the other end without putting their feet down. Then for the grand finale, the blind ride! Love this one. You take a bike with a side car, put a bag over the operator’s head and have a passenger in the side car give directions to navigate on obstacle course. Both have a head set with microphone on so everyone can hear everything on the PA system. Half way through one run you could hear from the girl in side car “ left, left, straight, LOOK OUT ! “ and then from the operator “ what do you mean look out , I CAN’T SEE “ . Talk about laugh out loud .

Before I left, I had the chance to meet Curtis “Cactus “Beck. He is one of the founding members of the Two Rivers chapter and current president.

He thanked me for coming and was very grateful TRMI was in attendance, between Annette and Murph and I, we have made most of the events. Afterwards I rode with some of the members to a watering hole downtown Winterset. There I got to know more of the members, great people. I also was introduced to another member, Sean Cahill.

He gave me a lot of information about the AMCA. I plan on attending next year’s event. We at the magazine will keep you informed one way or another. So keep reading Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa, we are glad that you do.

See you on down the road.

Ben Simpson

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One day a cowboy came into a little town restaurant. He looked through the menu and found some bull balls “Ummm... waitress, why are there bull’s balls on the menu?” “Well sir, you see, we have a bull riding contest every Friday and whoever loses then we cut off its balls.” “O, I see.

Well I’ll come back on Saturday because I want them fresh.” “Ok, goodbye sir!” So he comes back on Saturday, the day after the bull riding contest. “Ok I’ll have the bull’s balls, thank you.” “Alright sir comin’ right up!” So he got his bull’s balls but they looked d smaller somehow! “Ummm... waitress they look ook kinda small for a bull.” “We’ll sir, the bull doesn’t always loose...”

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam.

She also tells them that there will be no excuse for failing to show up, except for serious injury, illness, or a death in the student’s stu immediate family. A smart-ass jock in th the back of the room pipes up and asks the teacher tea out loud, “What about extreme sexual exhaustion?” ex The entire class has all it can do keep ke from breaking up, being barely able to stifl sti e its laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, r the teacher smiles sympathetically at the th student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, “You can write with your other hand then.”

A man goes skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go.

Excited, he jumps out of the airplane. About five seconds later, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens. He tries again.

Still nothing. He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up 3 men who all died on the same day were at the entrance chute. He pulls that cord. Nothing happens. He frantically to heaven when god announced that only 1 of the men will begins pulling both cords, but to no avail. Suddenly, he make it in. The criteria were that the person who died the looks down and he can’t believe his eyes. Another man worst death will make it in. God asks the first man how he is in the air with him, but this guy is going *up*! Just as died he replies, well for the last 3 weeks I have suspected the other guy passes by, the skydiver - by this time scared that my wife has been cheating on me so I came home out of his wits - yells, “Hey, do you know anything about early to catch her in the act. When I arrive home I hear the skydiving?” The other guy yells back, “Fuck no! Do you shower running so I search the house for him. I check every know anything about lighting gas stoves?” room so eventually I go out on to the verandah, then I see him hanging on the ledge by his fingers so I jump up and down on his hands he still holds on. So I get the hammer The new priest was so nervous at his first mass, he could and slam his fingers he let’s go and falls. He survives so I hardly speak. Before his second appearance in the pulpit he get the fridge (which weighs a ton) and lob it over the edge asked the monsignor how he could relax. The Monsignor crushing him I felt so bad that I killed him I got my gun and said, “Next Sunday, it may help if you put some vodka shot myself. That is how I died the second man explains in the water pitcher. After a few sips, everything should his story well it was the afternoon and I was doing my go smoothly.” The next Sunday the new priest put the exercises of my verandah on the 12 floor. When I slipped suggestion into practice and was able to talk up a storm. He and fell off the balcony, luckily I only fell 3 floors and felt great, however, upon returning to the rectory, he found a managed to grab the railing on that balcony I was hanging note from the monsignor. It read: on for grim death when some idiot started jumping on my 1. Next time, sip rather than gulp. fingers I clung on so the fool gets a hammer and bashes my 2. There are 10 commandments, not 12. fingers until the bones break so I fell. I could not believe my 3. There are 12 disciples, not 10. luck when I landed in a bush surviving the fall the last thing 4. We do not refer to the cross as the big “T I remember is this fridge hurtling at me. That is how I died. 5. The recommended grace before meals is not “ rub-aThe 3rd man explains how he died Picture this...............I’m dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God.” hiding naked in a fridge.

6.

Do not refer to our savior, Jesus Christ and his apostles as “J.C. and The boys”.

7.

David slew Goliath. He did not kick the shit out of Police Officer: “How high are you?” him.”

Pothead: “No officer, it’s “Hi, How are you?”

8. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are never referred to as “Big Daddy, Junior and, The Spook”.

9.

It is always the Virgin Mary, never “Mary with the A salesman was testifying in his divorce proceedings Cherry”. against his wife. “Please describe,” Said his attorney, “the 10. Last, but not least, next Wednesday there will be a incident that first caused you to entertain suspicions as to taffy pulling contest as St. Peters. There will not be a Peter your wife’s fidelity.” “Well, I’m pretty much on the road pulling contest at St. Taffy’s. all week,” the man testified. “So naturally when I am 11. Jesus was Consecrated, NOT constipated. home, I’m attentive to the wife.” “One Sunday morning,” 12. Jesus said, “Take this and eat it, for it is my body, “he he continued, “we were in the midst of some pretty heavy did not say, “Eat me.” love-making when the old lady in the apartment next door 13. Jacob wagered his donkey, he didn’t “beat his ass.” pounded on the wall and yelled, ‘Can’t you at least stop all David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey; he that racket on the weekends?’ wasn’t “stoned off his ass.”

Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed?

A: Han So-high

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prostitute that was uglier than the ass of the duck he carried Q: What is the origin of the word “Boob”? in his arms. The hooker looked straight at the boy and said, A: The “B” is the aerial view, the “oo” is the front view, the “The fucking begins at $10, you got $10?” The boy had no “b” is the side view. money, so he started to walk away, but the hooker stopped him and said that she would accept that duck in his hands instead of $10. The boy gleefully accepted, so they went A young man wished to purchase a present for his off and had sex. An hour later, as the boy was leaving, the sweetheart and after careful consideration, he decided on hooker pleaded that he fuck her again because it was the a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sweetheart’s sister, best fucking of her life. She offered him the duck back, he went to a department store and bought a pair of white and they went at it again. Another hour passes, and the gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. boy heads home, duck in hand. On the way, the duck gets During the wrapping, the items got mixed up. The sister spooked and flies from the boy’s hands. It flew directly into got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without the path of an oncoming car, obliterating the duck. The man checking the contents, he sealed the package and sent it to driving gets out and apologizes for the boy’s duck. The man her with this note. Dearest Darling, This is a little gift to hands the boy 25 dollars for his trouble and goes on his way. show my affection for you on our Anniversary. I chose these Later, the boy goes home and hands his father 25 dollars. because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing The father notices that his son looks exhausted and asks any when you go out in the evenings. If it had not been him, “What happened?” The boy’s reply was this: “I got a for your younger sister, I would have chosen the long ones fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and 25 bucks for a fucked with buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easy to up duck.” remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair that she had been wearing for three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had the sales girl A man walks into a bar and sees a pudgy, disgustingly try them on and she really looked great. I wish I could put pimpled ugly man with the hottest woman he’s ever seen. them on you for the first time. No doubt other men’s hands Man walks up to the bartender and says “Wow, how the hell will come in contact with them before I have a chance to did that pimpled freak land a hottie like that?”... Bartender see you again. When you take them off, blow in them before replies “Beats the hell out of me but the funny thing is, putting them away, as they will naturally be a little damp he’s here with her every morning..... Why don’t you ask from wearing. Be sure to keep them on when you clean him?” So the man finally gets up the nerve to approach the them or they might shrink. I hope you will like them and fat man and says “Excuse me but... I have to ask.... how in wear them for me on Friday night. All my love. P.S. Just the world did you land such a hottie?” The fat man replies think of how many times I will kiss them during the coming “Well she’s a prostitute.” The man is stunned. “Well how year. Also, the latest style is to wear them folded down with did you meet her?” The fat man replies... “Well she’s here the fur showing. every morning at 9am sharp... be here and you’ll get your chance.”... So the next day the man comes in and sees the woman at the bar, sitting. He sits down beside her and says “I’m sorry but I have to ask.... are you a prostitute?” The Q: What do you call the space in between Pamela woman replies “It’s ok and yes... I am.” “Wow.... how much Anderson’s breasts? for a hand job then?” The woman replies “$700.” “$700??!!

A: Silicon Valley.

Good God lady, don’t you think that’s a bit too much, shit!”

The woman says “Come to the window I want to show you something” She takes him to the window and points to a red There was this young woman who wanted to become a nun, Ferrari outside. “You see that Ferrari?” “Yeah... what about so she went to church to speak to a nun, the nun told her in it?” “I paid for it by giving hand jobs.” “WOW!!! That must order to become a nun you must go upstairs and draw Father be one hell of a hand job.” So he pays her the money and Matthews’s bath water, and bring him his slippers. The gets the best hand job ever.... his legs shake and lips quiver. woman than went upstairs met Father Matthew She asked Next day the man comes back and askes “How much for a him “Oh! Father what’s that? , The father said “That’s my blowjob?” “$800” “Holy shit, that’s a lot of money” “Let golden key!” Then father said “How about I stick my golden me show you something” she says. She takes him back to key in your pearly gates and we can go to heaven all night?” the window and points to 2 skyscrapers in the city. “You The woman than said “Oh yes father I would love to go to see those skyscrapers?” “Yeah..” “I paid for those giving heaven for the night.” The next morning the woman went blowjobs.” “WOW!!! That’s one helluva blowjob!!!” So he down stairs and the nun asked her how was your night with pays her the money and gets the best blowjob he has ever Father Matthew. The woman said it was wonderful he put had..... his eyes roll back in his head and his feet tremble. his golden key in my pearly gates and we went to heaven all The next day the man gets up and empties out his entire night. The nun said “That bastard!.... he’s been telling me it bank acct. He goes to the bar, sees the woman and says was Gabriel’s horn and I’ve been blowing it....”

“I’ve got the best hand job and blowjob I have ever had in my life and it was from you.... I’ve GOT to know how good that pussy is.... how much? Name your price. I’ll pay So there was this farmer, his son, and the only animal on anything!!!!” The woman says “Come here, let me show their farm that survived the winter: a duck. One day the you something” She takes him back to the window and farmer is sitting down paying off last month’s heating bill points to an island resort with hotels and communities. “You when he realized that they were broke. He told his son to see that island over... with the lavish hotels and prominent go into town and sell the duck for as much money that he communities?” He said “Yeah.” She says “If I had a pussy I could get. So the boy started off to town. He came up to a could buy that too.”

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Anybody ever notice this, but

February SUCKS

Nah, that’s not it with me at all, I am romantic as my needs direct me to be, during the moment not any different than any other dude out there for sure. This month sucks for so many reasons.

Sure, now we have the Super Bowl played during the month, it was always the last weekend in January, it was moved later one year because of some terrorist shitbags on 911, but then you see, February is the month when they conduct the big TV ratings, nothing moves the needle like the Super Bowl so now it’s always the first Sunday of February. If you’re still into NASCAR, you have the start Maybe I didn’t always hate it, I am sure as a grade school of that, so perhaps that provides you with some respite. But kid, suffering through the skull drudgery that defined my that is pretty much it. The month can bite it. We don’t even time spent via a government funded school, and I would have get President’s Day off any longer. found some joy that the second month of the year brings.

What young child doesn’t love creating a Valentine’s Day box Now, don’t think that I am just jaded about NASCAR, for cute little cards to be slipped into, there was a cool party Hallmark, The NFL, candy or what’s-her-name that ditched featuring candy and you could always count on slipping some me for a dude with a pretty car, (she ended up preggers, has extra hard candy to that cute girl that you see on the bus that a bunch of ugly kids, so I dodged a bullet there my friend) makes you feel funny. Hell, if she slipped you some extra heart shaped candy that contained the message “be mine”, This month is when PMS usually starts to set in hard the day was made! Valentine’s Day was as cute and innocent core. We all get it. Parked Motorcycle Syndrome. There is as a child. The month also featured a day off from school for only one cure. To ride and, generally, for us locked up in President’s Day, so, BONUS. the midst of an Iowa Winter, our options are pretty much limited. You can feel your riders friends getting snarky and But it still sucked really. pissy about it too, even if they won’t openly admit it. You can tell by their reactions on social media. You, yourself As you grow up and life kicks you in the pants a few times, might start a countdown to spring. You re-read Thunder you become a bit more jaded, albeit, cautious, about the Roads over and over, which is always a good move, but you romance that Valentine’s Day brings. Might have something glance, longingly, at photos from old poker runs, smile at do with previously mentioned cute girl that sprouted over articles about a great place to get grub, maybe you’ve been the years in so many wonderful ways, only to crush your there, maybe it’s on your list for this year. Sometimes you utter soul after a Valentine’s Day dance when the path to find yourself checking out whatever ride planner software potential manhood takes a shitty detour because suddenly she you use and start randomly dreaming of what a certain road likes some dude with a prettier car. Perhaps, but likely there might be like, how many miles can you sneak in that first is more to it than just a crappy commercial holiday shoved warm day, how great a plate of wings and a cold beer would down our collectives that screams diamonds, chocolate, roses taste at the end of sweet ride. You don’t even dare make eye and gold items are what you need to see her naked.. I mean to contact with your bike, you just can’t take the sadness. profess your love for that certain someone.

It’s because February SUCKS and its sole goal is to suck out whatever life we may have still stored in us as we bullshitted our way through the holiday season, started the New Year off with a month of hope and even optimism, but then the second month arrives and we know we have at least 28 more days of this crap until March shows up, with its generally favorable riding, the sun warms us up a little more each day and the signs are there, we’ve made it through another winter.

For as long as I can remember, I have hated, pure, pit of my stomach, from the dark recesses of my black oily heart, have despised the month of February, it’s just been a thing with me. I might be wise to provide some back history on the worse damn month of the year.

Sure, every few years, like 2017, February offers some decent days you can sneak out, the temps tease us into the 60’s, the road salt, sand and muck isn’t too bad. Some February throttle therapy can be just what the doctor ordered to save us from the damnation that is winter in Iowa. But those years are so few and far between it just does not give the month a passing grade.

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The one good thing about this crapfest of a month is that it is indeed, only 28 days long, we have that going for us, which is nice. However, when Leap Year pops up every four years, they thought it would be a great idea to add the extra day to the month of February! One of the biggest whiffs in the history of mankind! When I am in charge, we are going to fix it. Rather than the extra day for Leap Year landing at the end of February, we are going to move it to JUNE! Everybody wants an extra day in June, nobody in February.

Let’s just put our heads down and get through this today, don’t focus on what we could be doing, but dream about what is right around the next corner, do what you have to so you’re not sullen all month, grab some back issues of Thunder Roads, fire up your trip planner and dream, maybe even make eye contact with your bike.

I do know this; I can fondly look back on February’s past and be thankful I have great looking kids!

Todd “Crash” Davis Winter. There aren’t too many people that hate winter more than a biker. Our beloved machines sit in the shed, garage, a local storage unit, a dealership, or for those who have a very understanding significant other, the living room.

We wait impatiently for the day we can fire up our bikes and head out again. In the meantime, why not join ABATE of Iowa and keep the brotherhood going throughout the winter, and the rest of the year for that matter.

ABATE of Iowa doesn’t slow down during the winter months. Are you aware that some of our most enjoyable, and unique events, happen during the off season? Of course we travel to these events by cage rather than bikes, but we still keep going.

Some of the things we have going on?

We have chili cook-offs, makeshift casinos, auctions, and goldfish races to name a few. I have yet to attend a goldfish race and see how that works.

I’ve been told it’s a great time.

Along with district events, there are numerous erous other things going on at the state level. Our annual lobby day is coming up in February. If you’ve ou’ve never been to lobby day, I’d strongly suggest you become a member and go. There’s nothing like seeing our state lawmakers and bikers at the capital interacting with one another. Take a tour of the capital while you’re there.

As a member, did you know our state Board of Directors meetings are open to you? Every two months they meet in Eldora at the state office. You are invited to attend, and we’d be glad to have you there.

We have several great programs you can get involved in.

One is our Share the Road program. These presentations take place all over the state, and for the most part, all year long. Becoming a presenter in this program is one of the most rewarding steps you can take in ABATE of Iowa.

Contact you District Coordinator if this is something you’d like to do, or learn more about. We also have our Rider Education program. Our certified and dedicated rider coaches will take even the most inexperienced person, and have them riding a motorcycle over the course of a Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook

weekend. We also offer other classes for returning riders, trike riders, and advanced riders. Even if you’ve been riding for years, you’ll be surprised at what you will learn.

We even have our own range located at Freedom Park near Algona. Granted these classes don’t happen during g the winter , but getting signed up early will get you more time to ride once the grip of old man winter is released .

As with any organization, you get out as much as you put in. I ssuggest diving right in. Eagerness and enthu enthusiasm is something we welcome in ABATE of o Iowa. We like to hear your opinions, but we also a expect the same courtesy in return.

That’s the cool part. It’s okay to disagree. It’s okay to be different in what you choose to ride. You don’t even have to ride, although we encourage you to. We unite as a brotherhood, (and sisterhood), yet we remain individuals with different views and opinions. And it’s okay.

We like that.

If you currently ride a motorcycle, and enjoy the freedom to choose what you ride, what you wear, (or don’t wear), or the opportunity to personalize your ride the way you want, ABATE of Iowa insures that you keep that right. If you are currently a member, I’d like to thank you. If you ride a motorcycle in the state of Iowa, and are not a member, I have but one question. Why not?

Contact your District officers for membership applications and a schedule of events for the area you live in. Thank you and I look forward to seeing all of you on the road.

Gary “Wildman” Emery District 8 Coordinator ABATE of Iowa

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Last month in the “Not a Chance” article, we mentioned that the Motorcycle Cannonball happens every other year, and the last running was in 2016.

We also said that it takes quite a while to get the bikes ready to roll and that it takes two years to get them up and running for the next run. Mike Jensen of Lake Manawa is no exception to that claim. Mike had seen some stories about the run, and knows some ppeople who know some ppeople who have helped out with it, and a good friend was on the run on a 1913 Indian, so it intrigued him.

Just a month after the Dodge City trip, in October of 2016 and after many phone calls, emails, text messages, and an occasional smoke signal, Mike and Carey headed down to Texas to look at the one and only possibility for a motorcycle that may be able to make the cross country trip. You see, there are not a lot of these old critters available anymore.

1928 or older are all that are allowed for the 2018 run, so the pickings are very slim. The find of his life is this 1916 Excelsior. The bike was complete, and had been redone at some time, at least cosmetically, but it did not run. They messed around with it a couple of hours but still could not get it to fire, but the base was there to build from, so they brought “Vandita” the 1916 Excelsior motorcycle home with them to Iowa.

After returning it home, it went to Dave Volnek’s shop in Arlington and it was I would guess riding motorcycles across the torn down for country would be of interest to a cat that grew rebuild. Good up outside of Underwood, Iowa and has been thing it did not riding since he was 7 years old. The dirt bikes fire though, of the past have now turned into a 2016 CVO as there Harley-Davidson Street Glide, and his loving and were enough supportive wife Carey has a 2010 of her own when things wrong she is not on the back with Mike. They decided in with it that it September of 2016 to trek to Dodge City, Kansas to check out probably would have exploded if it started up. So from the the Cannonball as it came through that town. In 2016, that front to rear axles, this critter is getting worked over to be was the closest spot to Iowa for the run, so quite a few Iowa able to make the journey this September. The team includes and Nebraska folks rode down to check it out. As of that Mike’s wife Carey who will be driving the support truck and time, the oldest bike Mike had ridden was a late 60’s era, but trailer, Dave Volnek who will be riding his own 1913 Indian, that did not stop the bug from biting Mike and giving him the Troy Anzolone as the Mechanic, and Bob Alff riding on “vintage virus”. You see, after a long ride home chatting with the support roads on his Ambassador. The overnight towns Carey, they decided they were going to partake of the next have been released now, and there are two stops in Iowa at Cannonball if at all possible, and started looking for a bike.

Anamosa on September 13th, and Spirit Lake on September Some friends helped him find some leads on bikes, but none 14th, so if you get the chance, stop by to see Mike and crew really panned out, until Jeff hooked him up with Steve Klein on their journey. Safe travels! down in Texas.

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Jan 27 Jan 27-28 Jan 28 Feb 10 Feb 10-11 Feb 16-18 Feb 21 Feb 23-24 Feb 24-25 Mar 4 Mar 9-11 Mar 10

Zero Run Big Barn HD Des Moines Colorado Motorcycle Expo Denver Parts Girl Promotions Swap Meet Rock Island IL 26th Annual Chili Cookoff Metro HD Cedar Rapids Capitol City Custom Cycle Show & Swap 7 Flags Clive 32nd Annual Lincoln Bike Show Lincoln, NE ABATE of Iowa Lobby Day Des Moines Omaha Chapter AMCA National Swap Meet Fremont NE 49th Rod & Custom Bike/Car Show Monticello Parts Girl Promotions Swap Meet Cedar Rapids Cycle Rama at World of Wheels Chicago B.A.C.A. of Central Iowa Flippy Cup Tournament West Des Moines Mar 11 Wild Wade’s High Performance Swap Meet Des Moines Mar 16-18 TRMI Motorcycle Show at World of Wheels Omaha Mar 17 ABATE D3 Spring Dance Atlantic Mar 24-25 31st Annual Donnie Smith Bike Show St Paul, MN Apr 7-8 32nd Annual North Iowa Expo Mason City Apr 21 Rumble In The Sand Outlaw Street Drags Conesville Apr 28 Bike Blessing Big Barn HD Des Moines May 3-5 Rally in the Hills LHHD Pacific Junction May 4-5 Vintage Torque Fest Dubuque May 5 Sleeping Angels Fun Run Boone May 5 2nd Annual Boji Run Icky Nickel Sioux City May 12 Heels on Wheels Women’s Ride Carroll HD May 12 4th Annual Children’s Hospital & Medical Center Fun Run Council Bluffs May 12 Widows Sons Masonic Riders Association Charity Ride Des Moines May 19 Mean Machine “Spring Smoke-out” Elkhart May 19 B.A.C.A. Annual 100 Mile Ride ALL CHAPTERS May 24-27 Redneck Revival Conesville May 27 Midway Tavern’s Annual Neal Denny Memorial Poker Run Soldier Jun 2 Harley-Davidson of Carroll Rock –N- Ride Carroll Jun 2 CVMA 39-4 Bike Wash Wieblers HD Davenport Jun 8-10 ABATE D3 Campout Littlefield Park Exira Jun 9 Bell Tower Festival Poker Run, Tour Rides, & Bike Show Jefferson Jun 9 F&J Racing 23rd Annual Blessing of the Bikes Marshalltown Jun 9 Ride With Levi Keokuk Jun 15-16 Rumble In The Sand Outlaw Street Drags Conesville Jun 16 Hometown Heroes Memorial Run Rockwell City Jul 5-7 ABATE of Iowa Freedom Rally Algona Jul 6-8 Gears & Gasoline Rally Farley Jul 13-14 CVMA 39-3 Annual Patriot Ride Elk Port Jul 21 5th Annual “Ride for Time” with “Friends of Mine” Baxter Jul 27-28 CVMA 39-1 Annual Patriot Ride and Rally Freedom Park Algona Aug 4 39-4 CVMA SPC Jordan M. Byrd Tribute to Our Fallen Memorial Ride Davenport Aug 5 B.A.C.A. Kids Day Des Moines Aug 9 Hot August Night Car, Truck, Motorcycle, and Tractor Show Jefferson Aug 11 CVMA 39-2 Annual Patriot Ride Ride Cedar Rapids Aug 17-19 14th Annual BTW Trike In Kellogg Aug 25 B.A.C.A. of Central Iowa Bike Bash Johnson Aug 30-Sep2 Redneck Revival Conesville Sep 1-3 Midway Tavern Soldier Valley Run, BBQ, Street Dance Soldier Sep 8 Broken Spokes MC Annual Children’s Hospital Ride Thirsty’s on Third Davenport Sep 8 Camp High Hopes Poker Run Fundraiser Sioux City

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Sep 14-16 Sep 15 Oct 6 Oct 20 Oct 21 Dec 16

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Rumble In The Sand Outlaw Street Drags Conesville WTF Fun Run Harlan Iron Invasion Woodstock, IL Rumble In The Sand Outlaw Street Drags Conesville ABATE D3 Toy Run Atlantic ABATE D3 Christmas Party Brayton

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