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biker community has been, and remains one of the most tight-knit, cohesive groups of people in our country, despite our numerous differences. Bridging the gap between those differences is a Biker’s love of freedom, brotherhood/sisterhood, of the open road, our country, and of our Flag.
Sometimes I find myself cruising g rright ight ig ght aalong, long lo ng, ng, moving through this thing called d llife, iffe, ife, e, when an epiphany of sorts smacks kss m mee in the mouth and makes me think k serious thoughts for a while. Ever er have that happen? Well, if you do do,, then you know exactly where I’m coming from, and you also know that with these epiphanies comes the need to think through things “out loud” so to speak. So, get ready to enjoy the inner workings gs of my noggin, and soak up all this is is knowledge I have amassed so far this riding season. Do you ever remember watching 70’s and 80’s television and movies? Remember Sanford and Sons, or The Jeffersons? Remember Blazing Saddles? Or even that episode of The Muppet Show where Johnny Cash sings a duet with Miss Piggy in front of a Confederate flag? I remember watching all of them, and look at me…I think I turned out alright. And maybe, just maybe that has something to do with the type of people I choose to surround myself with. That choice, paired with the fact that I like to think I am inherently a decent human being (as are many of the people that I associate with) means that I have made it to the age of 45 without becoming a self intitled douchebag who is offended by every hiccup in my surroundings. Don’t worry, I am working my way to my point… Dirty Biker Trash. You know the type. The ones that create disturbances every where they go. The ones that fight and steal, and demolish virtually everything in their paths. I heard they will even steal your women if you don’t keep ‘em close. Yeah, those ones.
On the Cover
On the cover this month is a cool old steam tractor Well, I call bullshit. I have previously, but maybe in the background thatnoticed spends its days outside of a little more since being released from covid bonds, that the Blue Grass and now belongs to Kevin Cress. The Ironhead is owned by Kevin Soppe, who was very well known on the Eastern side of the state for an assortment of reasons. Soppe and his dad rebuilt this bike as a father and son type of thing, and both of these nostalgic pieces are reminders of how even after we leave this place, sometimes we leave behind items that remind the world that we were here. Photos on cover and calendar by Nate Ullrich, with more available at natanic.com 4 - TRMI AUGUST 2021
I have watched groups of bicyclists travel through my town and leave a wave of trash in their wake. I have watched groups of bikers meticulously clean up a campsite before throwing a leg over to head out. I am not saying that bikers are angels and bicyclists are the devil, there are always exceptions to every rule. But I can tell you this with complete certainty. Bikers are the most accepting group of people I have ever had the pleasure of being around. Part of this acceptance and comradery develops among the biker community based on one small character trait. Bikers are a group of people that do not subscribe to the handout mentality. Whether you wear a patch or not, as a part of this community, you know that respect is earned, and you work for everything you get. I think that if more people realized these two small things, maybe our world would be a little better place today. So many people run around feeling so self-entitled, that the idea of hard work has gone by the wayside for many. Disappointing to say the least. I love the biker community. The people are proud. Proud of the lifestyle, proud of our country. The people have a genuine love for each other, and would help another at any cost. Bikers contribute more to their local communities each year than any other type of group. All in all, Dirty Biker Trash are good people. And this is why we continue to do what we do. Vernon and I, and the rest of the TRMI crew love being a part of this community, and we are thankful for your support over the years. Without your support we would have gone by the wayside…right next to manners and hard work, a long time ago. So, thank you to our readers, our advertisers, and our biker family. Ride safe and ride often! In the big guy’s chair for a minute. Melanie J Schwarte Quote of the month: “Men are respectable only as they respect.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson
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I’m about to make a statement that will make most of you grit your teeth: Everyone is looking for inclusion based on some set of rules / expectations – depending on what group they are trying to be part of. Don’t believe me? Here’s an example. We just went to another motorcycle rally and one of the first things I always notice when I’m around a bunch of bikers is the many different looks. Different hair, different clothes, different tats, different piercings. Most of us wouldn’t blend in well at the opera. About the only thing I didn’t see at the rally was someone dressed in a suit and tie. Rebels do everything possible to not live up to society’s expectations, which means they first have to figure out exactly what society expects. What a conundrum. In order to be a rebel you have to be willing to do the things that show you’re rebellious! So rebels are trying to belong to a group just like everyone else is. This problem is inescapable because humans were designed to be “part of ”. Part of God’s creation. Part of God’s family. Part of the original leadership team for the Garden of Eden. But Adam wanted to do things his own way so he sinned, broke the rules, and thousands of years later, here we are – still trying to figure out where we fit.
In the Bible, the book of Galatians lays out a different choice. We hear a lot nowadays about “identifying” as something Chapter 4, verses 4-7 other than what our DNA says we are. In a similar vein of tell us that “ . . . God thought, most of us want to “identify” as free agents, but the sent his Son . . . to buy truth is that Adam gave away our freedom and now we must freedom for us who serve somebody. We are only free agents in that we get to were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very pick who that master will be. We have two choices. own children. And because God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts . . . you are no longer a slave but God’s Most of us are tech-savvy enough to know that our phones own child. And since you are his child, God has made you have a factory or “default” setting. If we do not deliberately his heir through Christ.” That offers a vastly different ending make different choices in our phone setup, our phone will to our story. By choosing to go against the default setting do exactly what it was programmed to do in the factory. and placing our faith in Christ Jesus, we can get a new and Unfortunately, ever since Adam sinned, the default setting true identity as a child of God. We can belong to God’s for humans is sin and spiritual death. It doesn’t matter if family and as we serve Christ by serving others, we can some of us have the expensive, cool Otter Box cover while recognize that God made us for a very distinct purpose – others have the cheapo Walmart version. Our “phones” that our lives do matter. are all programmed the same: to sin and death. By not choosing a different setting, we choose to follow Satan, the I don’t know about you, but I spent years of my life trying one who deceived Adam and Eve into thinking they could to be someone I was not in my efforts to fit in. And the call the shots instead of God. He’s the one who talked Adam questions still rolled over and over in my mind. Would I into giving away everything that we now long for: a sense of ever be good enough? Smart enough? Pretty enough? Fun identity, a sense of belonging, a sense that our lives matter. enough? It was such a relief when I accepted Christ to find All gone. We’ve all read about older men who go online out that the answer was . . . no. And yes! No, I would never and portray themselves as handsome young bucks so they be enough - in my own self. But yes, God would provide can talk teenage girls into running away with them. They everything through Jesus that I needed in order to be a promise them the moon but as soon as the girls are away valuable part and to know I was loved and accepted. So from their families, the men force them into the sex trade. wherever find myself, whether it’s at a motorcycle rally or at Satan is the pretend friend that has lied to every one of us the opera (ok - probably not), I am who I am, and it’s fine, in order to continue to control us. If not in this life, then in because I’m part of God’s family. the next we will find out the reality is horribly different than what he promised. The Bible describes him as the “Father Blessings to you all – Karla of Lies” and the one whose only goal is to kill, steal, and destroy. Without Christ, the default setting determines that Mark and Karla Cornick are with the Christian Satan is our master. We belong, all right, but we belong to Motorcyclists Association. Find out more about CMA and him. God’s plan for you at www.cmausa.org . 6 - TRMI AUGUST 2021
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Heartland Harley-Davidson The Biker Friendly Business Directory is a list of establishments 117 S Roosevelt Ave throughout Iowa that sponsor the Burlington, IA 52601 magazine. You can pick up your 319-754-1100 copy here every month. Let them www.heartlandhd.com know that you saw them in TRMI. If your business would like to Indian Motorcycle of Des Moines advertise in Thunder Roads Iowa 1500 E Army Post Road Biker Friendly Business Listing and Des Moines, Iowa 50315 become a part of the network, 515-256-9062 please email Indianmotorcycleofdesmoines.com vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
Biker Accessories Crispy’s Biker Apparel Cedar Rapids, Iowa Find Us On Facebook
Leather & Hawgs 121 1st Street Soldier, Iowa leather@wiatel.net (712) 884-2701 www.leatherandhawgs.com
Dealers Baxter Cycle 311 4th Street Marne, Iowa 51552 712-781-2351 www.baxtercycle.com Big Barn Harley-Davidson 81 NW 49th Place Des Moines, Iowa 50313 515-265-4444 www.bigbarnhd.net Carroll Cycle Center 1327 Plaza Dr Carroll, Iowa 712-792-1610 www.carrollcycle.com Edwards Motorsports and RV’s 1010 34th Avenue Council Bluffs, Iowa 51501 712-366-8400
Indian Motorcycle of Mason City Mason City Powersports 12499 265th Street Mason City 641-423-3181 Masoncitypowersportsinc.com Loess Hills Harley-Davidson 57408 190th Street Pacific Junction IA 51561 712-800-3500 loesshillshd.com Metro Harley-Davidson 2415 Westdale Drive SW Cedar Rapids, Iowa 52404 319-362-9496 www.metro-motorsports.com Nishna Valley Cycle HONDA – YAMAHA – KTM Atlantic, Iowa 50022 1-888-577-6406 www.nishnavalleycycle.com Route 65 Harley-Davidson 1300 S Jefferson Way Indianola, Iowa 50125 515.962.2160 www.route65hd.net Storm Lake Honda 3040 Expansion Blvd Storm Lake, Iowa 50588 StormLakeHonda.com 712-732-2460 Zylstra Harley-Davidson 1930 E 13th Street Ames, Iowa 50010 515-232-6223 zylstrahd.com
Entertainment Book Em Dano’s 33 S Main Street Denison, Iowa 51442 712-263-9818 Mon-Sat 4-2 Dancers Nightly 5-1:30 National Motorcycle Museum 102 Chamber Drive Anamosa, Iowa 52205 319-462-3925 Nationalmcmuseum.org Okoboji Classic Cars Museum and Restoration Shop 810 Jeppeson Road West Okoboji, Iowa 51351 712-332-8029
Food and Drink
(Popular Poker & Fun Run Locations)
American Legion Post 111 1101 W 4th Street S Newton 641-792-3353 Open to the Public 7 Days a Week Newtonamericanlegion111.org Amigo’s 280 North 1st Street Fort Dodge, Iowa 50501 515-576-0142 Amigos Bar & Restaurant on FB Bea’s Place 108 N Main St Baxter 641-227-2080 Check Us Out on Facebook Food, Live Music, Bike Nights Bloodline Irish Pub 214 Public Square Greenfield, Iowa 50849 Bloodline Irish Pub on Facebook
Catfish Charlie’s On the Mississippi River 1630 E. 16th Street Dubuque, IA 52001 (563)582-8600 www.CatfishCharliesDubuque.com Desperados 105 E 5th Street Atlantic 712-243-7087 Home of Cold Beer, Good Times, Pizza & Wings Firehouse Bar 1211 5th Street Downtown Sioux City, IA 712-224-1020 Open Daily at 12:00 Flaming Office 201 W High Street Toledo 641-484-2255 Outdoor Patio, Happy Hour 5-7 Flaming Office on Facebook & Google Goozman’s Westside Bar & Grill 1019 7th St Harlan, Iowa 712-755-2259 Goozman’s Westside on Facebook Haverhill Social Club 202 1st Street Haverhill, Iowa 50120 641-475-3321 Tues-Sat 10-2, Sun 12-12 Hawk Heaven Tavern 805 17th St SW Altoona, Iowa 50009 Happy Hour 4p-6p Every Day HawkHeavenTavern on Facebook Iowa Legendary Rye 707 N Main Street Carroll, Iowa 51401 Iowalegendaryrye.com J.R. Willie’s Gateway to the Beautiful Hill Country Colesburg, IA 563-856-5095 Open Daily Mon-Sun 11AM Home of the Willie Whopper
fullthrottleia.com or edwardsrvs.com
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Just 1 More 515-570-4206 641-757-0159 309 Railway Jamaica, Iowa 50128
Sandbar 103 North Noyes Street Mondamin, Iowa 51557 712-646-2300 Facebook Sandbar Mondamin
KC’s Tavern 120 N Main Street Bridgewater, Iowa 50837 Mon-Fri 4:30-Close, Sat-Sun 2-Close Find Us on FB 641-369-5010
Sidetracked 206 West Union Street Creston, Iowa 50801 641-782-8534
Mi Casa Family Restaurant 512 Market Street Harlan, Iowa 51537 712-755-2258 Enjoy Drinks at the Full Bar! Midway Tavern 206 1st Street Soldier, Iowa 712-884-2230 www.midwaytavernsoldier.com Montgomery Street Pub 207 East Montgomery Street Creston, Iowa 50801 641-782-2165 Papa Joe’s 117 South 6th Street Missouri Valley, Iowa 51555 712-642-9015 Pearl Street Social Club 110 Pearl Street SW Shellsburg, Iowa 52332 319-436-7100 Find Us On Facebook!
Stumpy’s Bar & Grill 423 Main Street Duncombe, Iowa 50532 515-543-4222 Stumpy’s Bar & Grill on Facebook Sugar’s Diner & Lounge 2725 E Kanesville Blvd Council Bluffs, Iowa 712-322-3600 Check us out on Facebook The Exchange 171 S Elm Street Avoca, Iowa 51521 712-343-2609 Lang’s Pizza, Cold Beer, Sports The Full Nelson 205 West 2nd Street Halbur, Iowa 51444 712-658-2425 The Full Nelson on Facebook The Garage 621 K45 Whiting, Iowa 51063 (712)420-5895 Facebook The Garage
Insurance & Financial
Twisted Corn Tavern 1405 Walnut Street Dallas Center, Iowa 50063 515-992-3868 Twisted Corn Tavern on Facebook
O’Malley Wealth Mgmt. 5623 NW 86th Street Suite 400 Johnston, Iowa 50131 515-490-0930
VFW Post 9662 Bar and Grill 1309 NE 66th Ave Des Moines 515 - 289 - 9914 and Facebook
State Farm Clark Ahrenholtz, Agent NMLS# 1679997 2114 12th Street Harlan, Iowa 712-755-5724 Clark.ahrenholtz.jb69@statefarm.com
Vic’s Main Tap 304 Broadway Audubon, Iowa 50025 712-563-2122 Opens M-F 2-Close, Sat 9-Close, Sun 12-Close
Legal
Whiskey Barrel Pub and Eatery 112 E Jefferson Street Prairie City, Iowa 50228 515-630-9639 Whiskey Barrel Pub and Eatery on FB
Hupy and Abraham sc, pc Lawyers for Bikers 800.800.5678 Hupy.com
Wilson’s Tap and Recreation 1008 Story Street Boone, Iowa 50036/ 515-433-1395
TheBikerLawyers.com The Biker Lawyers, P.C. Riding & Defending Your Rights for Over 30 Years 877-209-9452
Guns and Ammo
Photo and Art
JLM Shooters Supply 6931 Douglas Avenue Urbandale, Iowa 50322 jlmshooterssupply@gmail.com 515-331-1577
Halls Cast Stone 25211 Monarch Trail Bloomfield, Iowa 52537 641-777-8027 www.hallscaststone.com
Pines Steakhouse Oinkers Lounge & Grill
1500 E 7th Street Atlantic, Iowa 50022 712-243-3606 M-F 11AM-, S-S 4PMRiverside Tavern 450 E Main St Lehigh, Iowa 50557 515-359-9998 Email:riversidetap@gmail.com
The Place2B! 116 N. Federal Ave Mason City, IA 50401 M-F 3p-2a S-S 2p-2a Find Us On Facebook The Yankee Clipper 312 SW Maple St Ankeny, Ia 50023 515-964-9484 yankeeclipperbar.com
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Hobbies & Collectibles Treasure Island Diecast/Facebook Hot Wheels, M2, Matchbox, Jada Ertl, Lightning, Harley, Maisto Buy-Sell-Trade 641-521-8036 rayaustinhd@gmail.com
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Ullrich Photography PO Box 1842 Clinton, Iowa 52733 563-243-8715 www.natanic.com
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Shops & Fabricators Butterfield’s M.C. Parts 8025 Blondo Street Omaha, NE 68134 402-391-3768 Chuck’s Cycle Service and Repair S&S and Drag Specialties Dealer 714 East 7th Street Washington, Iowa52353 319-461-5278
Cycle Clinic 2209 ML King Pkwy Des Moines, Iowa 50314 cycleclinicdm.com 515-288-6954 F & J Racing 701 N 3rd Ave Marshalltown, Iowa 50158 641-752-8651 www.fandjracing.com
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Mean Machine Cycle Parts Elkhart, Iowa 50073 Stereos, Bars, LED Lights, Air Ride Mon-Fri 9-6, Sat 9-12 515-367-7336
Steffens Cycle and Detailing 1311 E 7th Street Atlantic, Iowa 50022 712-250-8493 steffenscycle@gmail.com
Motorcycle Medic 3176 Highway 30 Woodbine, Iowa 51579 712-647-2818 Open Tues-Sat Noon-6PM
Thunder Road Cycles 4106 Rockingham Rd Davenport, Iowa 52802 563-323-3172 Thunder Road Cycles on Facebook
Nelson Machine & Forge General Machining, Ornamental Iron, Weld/Fab 70 Washington Street Marne, Iowa 51552 712-781-2220 Road Rage BikeWorks 401 High Street Avoca, Iowa 51521 712-307-6111 Road Rage BikeWorks on Facebook
Tires Sandbothe Firestone 1106 Main Street Griswold, Iowa 51535 712-778-2223 Sandbothe Firestone on Facebook
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Trailers Lacaeyse Trailer Sales 4192 HWY 146 Grinnell Trailers & Truck Accessories 641-990-2674 www.lacaeysetrailers.com
SHOP EQUIPMENT Shop Tools Outlet Powersport / Auto Lift Supplier Marshalltown, IA 50158 888-288-6657 www.shoptoolsoutlet.com
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The past few years during the Independence Day weekend festivities, the dragstrip in Humboldt has come alive again with the sounds of thundering motorcycles rapidly making their way down the 1/8 mile strip. Years ago, the motorcycle drags out there were quite the place to be during the rally, but with the move to the new grounds, things at the drag strip sort of fell off. Jay and Keri Rogers with the Nostalgic Drag Bike Racing League have been doing their damnedest to get things up and running again the past few years, and this year their hard work has paid off. They have been making strides while working with James Barhite and crew, and the show the past few years has been improving and this year was quite a show!
school racers working on their rides in the pits before and during the races. Being able to roam around and chat up some of the teams, racers, and spectators, made the day an amazing time. Many motorcycle and racing legends were on hand and were glad to share stories of their racing and motorcycle lives with smiles and laughs all around. Racing legend Pete Hill and his wife Jackie made quite a trip from South Carolina to be a part of the event. Doc Flynn had a great display on hand including his Harley-Davidson timeline motorcycle and his wicker basket Cannonball bike on display. Tator Gilmore had a display of some nitro racing engine failures that were quite interesting and indicative of the power that is mostly harnessed on these amazing machines, but sometimes decides it cannot be On top of the awesome nostalgic rides going down the bridled. The Halloway’s brought with three of Bonnie track, there were plenty of late model bikes of all makes and Truett’s bikes for display and were more than willing share models also vying for their chance at a trophy and some of information about these legendary machines. Leo Hess was the $10,000 purse money that was available. Around 15 on hand still running his open fuel bike, and zipping along nitro bikes were on the grounds as well which offers some down the track in seconds despite still racing at 70 years of the most amazing speeds possible on the short track in of age. The event was a huge success and I’m guessing it the middle of a corn field in Iowa. will just keep growing as the years roll on. Hope to see you there next year! Besides being able to watch some of the best motorcycle drag racing in the Midwest, there were a ton of old and new Vernon....Results and more photos on Following Page
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Iowa Hog Drags Revisited and Nostalgia Reunion results as follows: The All-out Racing and Rockford Liquidation Warehouse Nitro Nostalgia class: Steve “Doc” Hopkins, winner Russ “Crazy Horse” Hendron, runner up The Spider Company/Blue Fire Fabrication Pro Dragster class: Jim Martin, winner Kersten Heling, runner up The Apex Properties/Blue Fire Fabrication Nitro Open class: Leo Hess, winner Jordan Peterson, runner up The Bonnie Truett Legends award winner for fastest Nitro E/T of the event with a 4.73, Jim Martin The Rockford Liquidation Warehouse, Vintage Fuel class: Winner Gary Bergman The Motorcycle Specialties Vintage B class: Joe Froelich, winner Dean Monroe, runner up The Lowbrow Customs Vintage A class: Tom Rowland, winner Troy Fittro, runner up The Accurate Engineering Vintage Open class: Troy Fittro, winner Mark Freese, runner up The Silver Eagle Harley Davidson Run What You Brung E/T class: Tom Krava, winner Adam Schmidt, runner up The Redline Concrete Money Bike E/T class: Pat Finders, winner Tom Krava, runner up
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Anita Cox Dunlap 1986 Softail Custom
Sarah Callow, Ava, Ivy Mae, and Karley Fertile 2008 Kawasaki Vulcan Nomad 1600
We want you on our pages! If you are an Iowa Girl of Thunder, send us a quality image, your name, year and model of bike, and where you are from to: vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
Kristina Bascom Vinton 2021 Can Am Spyder 18 - TRMI AUGUST 2021
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or sandwich list you should plan your visit for after 11 AM. The menu also includes steak and salad options as well as daily specials to tempt even the pickiest of palettes. We were on a breakfast mission, anyway, so we were good to go. As we sipped our coffee, we worked to narrow down the many delicious sounding options the North Side Diner offers for breakfast.
North Side Diner 111 E Van Buren Street Centerville, Iowa 52544 (641) 216-0106 Open Tuesday – Sunday 7 AM – 3 PM CLOSED MONDAYS
Vernon and I were in Centerville to witness the wedding ceremony of two dear friends who reside in Moulton when we decided to take a stab at another breakfast edition of WRTE. Well, I was there to witness Joni put an end to Dick’s 17-year single streak, and Vernon was there to lend his ceremonial expertise for the happy occasion, but I digress. We woke up and decided that if we got rolling early enough that we might be able to chase down something to fill our bellies for the majority of the day. Well, meandering around the downtown square in Centerville helped us do just that. The overabundance of cars outside of the North Side Diner told us that we were on the right track. We entered the diner to the bustling sounds of waitresses delivering food and refilling coffee cups. Just inside the door we were told it would be just a minute for our seat… the place was packed! For the couple of minutes we waited, we were able to watch the cooks skillfully preparing dozens of eggs, crispy bacon strips, and mounds of sizzling hash browns. It was looking more and more like the place to be while we waited for our table. Before we knew it, the waitress returned and ushered us to our booth. She quickly took our coffee order, and left us to scrutinize the menu.
Vernon settled on the chicken fried steak breakfast. The meal arrived with a large portion of crispy, perfectly golden chicken fried steak that was topped with traditional creamy pepper gravy. Vernon chose his two eggs to be fried over medium, and a generous helping of perfectly seasoned hash browns rounded out the breakfast platter. A side of wheat toast joined the party as well. I had spent the majority of my menu time snooping around the dining area to see what everyone else was eating. The portions appeared to be on the large side, so I opted for a skillet, hoping it would lean to the smaller side. Epic failure. My HOBO skillet arrived piled high and accompanied by a side of golden sourdough toast. The HOBO is a delicious mix of onions, tomatoes, mushrooms, green peppers, ham, bacon, and sausage topped with two eggs of your choice. I opted for scrambled this visit, as I was stuck deliberating between an omelet and the skillet before making my final decision. Friendly service, delicious food, generous portions, reasonable prices…too bad the North Side Diner is so far away from Kimballton! If you are in the Centerville area, or if you just have some time to enjoy a damn good breakfast, make sure that the North Side Diner is your stop. You won’t be disappointed. When you’re there, be sure to tell them the Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa sent you! Melanie J Schwarte If you have a WRTE location for us to visit, please let me know at Melanie@thunderroadsiowa.com
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What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? She Naughty boy draws a penis on a black bla lack ck board. boa oard rd.. rd gagged. Lady teacher rubs it off. Next dayy he draws a bigger one and writes: “Doc, I think my son has VD,” a patient told his urologist “REMEMBER THE MORE YOU on the phone, “The only woman he’s screwed is our maid.” RUB IT THE BIGGER IT GETS! “Okay, don’t be hard on him. He’s just a kid,” the medic soothed, “Get him in here right away and I’ll take care of A psychiatrist was conducting a him.” “But I’ve been screwing the maid too, and I’ve got group therapy session with threee the same symptoms he has.” “Then you come in with him young mothers and their small alll and I’ll fix you both up,” replied the doctor. “Well,” the children. “You all have obsessions,” he h man admitted, “I think my wife has it too.” “Oh crap!” the observed. To the first mother, he said, id, physician roared, “That means we’ve all got it!” “You are obsessed with eating. You’ve u’’ve even named your daughter Candy.” y.” He H A family walks into a hotel and the father goes to the front turned to the second mom. “Your obsession bse sess ssiio ss ion ion desk and he says, “I hope the porn is disabled.” is money. Again, it manifests itselff in yyour our ou ur The guy at the desk replies, “It’s just regular porn you sick child’s name, Penny.” At this point, the he th thir third ird ir d bastard.” mother got up, took her little boy byy the hand and whispered, “Come on, A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She Dick, let’s go.” spent $5000 and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As A cowboy walks into a bar and takess a seat seat she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, “I hope you don’t next to a very attractive woman. Hee ggives ives iv es mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?” “About her a quick glance then causally looks ks aatt hi hiss 35,”he replied. “I’m actually 47,” the woman said, feeling watch for a moment. The woman notices ti tthis hi really happy. After that she went into McDonald’s for lunch and asks, “Is your date running late?” “No”, he and asked the order taker the same question. He replied, replies, “I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just “Oh, you look about 29.” “I am actually 47!” she said, feeling testing it...” The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art really good. While standing at the bus stop, she asked an watch? What’s so special about it?” The cowboy explains, “It old man the same question. He replied, “I am 85 years old uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.” The lady says, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a “What’s it telling you now?” Well, it says you’re not wearing sure way of telling a woman’s age. If I put my hand up your any panties.” The woman giggles and replies “Well it must skirt, I will be able to tell your exact age.” There was no one be broken because I am wearing panties!” The cowboy around, so the woman said, “What the hell?” and let him smiles, taps his watch and says, “Damn thing’s an hour fast.” slip his hand up her skirt. After feeling around for a while, the old man said, “OK, you are 47.” Stunned, the woman Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they said, “That was brilliant! How did you do that?” The old decide that she’ll become a hooker. She’s not quite sure man replied, “I was behind you in line at McDonald’s.” what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If Why do walruses love a Tupperware party? They’re always you got a question, I’ll be parked around the corner.” She’s on the lookout for a tight seal. standing there for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, “How much?” She says, “A hundred dollars.” He says, “All A boy is in the bath with his mom. Boy says, “What’s that I got is thirty”. She says, “Hold on,” and runs back to Harry hairy thing mom?” Mom replies, “That is my sponge.” “Oh and asks, “What can he get for thirty?” “A hand job”, Harry yes,” says the boy, “The babysitters got one, I’ve seen her reply. She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty washing dads face with it.” dollar is a hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants, and out pops this HUGE... She stares at Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance. it for a minute, and then says, “I’ll be right back.” She runs Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. back to Harry, and asks, “Can you loan this guy seventy She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her bucks?” breasts at maturity of a 12 years old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much. “I too have a problem. A lady walks into a fancy jewelry store. She browses My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over deal with that once we are married.” She said, “Yes I will to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she marry you and learn to live with your infant penis.” Sandy inadvertently breaks wind. Very embarrassed, she looks and Jim got married and they could not wait so Jim whisked around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touch teasing, accident and prays that a sales person doesn’t pop up right holding one another. As Sandy put her hands in Jim’s pants, now. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes she began to scream and ran out of the room! Jim ran after in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool her to find out what was wrong. She said, “You told me as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, your penis was the size of an infant!” “Yes, it is: 8 pounds, 7 the salesman greets the lady with, “Good day, Madam How ounces, 19 inches long!” may we help you today?” Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may not have been there at the time of her I bought a racehorse today, I called him My Face. I don’t little “accident!” she asks, “Sir, what is the price of this lovely care if he doesn’t win, I just want to hear a load of posh twats bracelet?” He answers, “Madam, if you farted just looking shouting, “Come on My Face.” at it, you’re going to shit when I tell you the price.” 28 - TRMI AUGUST 2021
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Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating, you’re going to go blind. Son: Dad I’m over here. An Italian guy is out picking up chicks in Roma. While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather attractive looking blonde. So, they’re back at his place, and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while… He climaxes loudly. Then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, “So…. you finish?” After a slight pause. She replies, “No.” Surprised, but pleasantly, he puts out his cigarette, rolls back on top of her, and has his way with her again, this time lasting even longer than the first… and this time completing the deed with even louder shouts. Again, he rolls over, lights a cigarette, and asks, “So…. you finish?” And again, after a short pause, she simply says “No.” Stunned, but still acting reflexively on his macho pride, he once again puts out the cigarette, and mounts his companion du jour. This time, with all the strength he could muster up, he barely manages to end the task, but he does, after quite some time and energy is spent. Barely able to roll over, he reaches for his cigarette … lights it again, and then asks tiredly, “So… you finish?” “No. I’m Swedish.” Little Johnny comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. “Not yet,” said Little Johnny. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he’s a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. “How come I don’t get any eggs and bacon? Why don’t I have any milk in my cereal?” he asks. “Well,” his mother says, “I saw you kick a chicken, so you don’t get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don’t get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren’t getting any milk.” Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. Little Johnny looks up at his mother with a smile, and says: “Are you going to tell him, or should I?” Communist jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them. Sixth grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class: “Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?” Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way. “Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?” Mary stands up, blushing furiously. “How dare you ask such a question?” she says. “I’m going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal, who will have you fired!” Mrs. Sampson is shocked by Mary’s reaction, but undaunted. She asks the class the question again, and this time Sam raises his hand. “Yes, Sam?” says Mrs. Sampson. “Ma’am, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye.” “Very good, Sam. Thank you.” Mrs. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, “Mary, I have 3 things to tell you: first, it’s clear that you have not done your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, I fear one day you are going to be sadly disappointed.” Whoever said technology would replace all paper obviously hasn’t tried wiping their butt with an iPad. A man went to the doctor’s office to get a double dose of Viagra. The doctor told him that he couldn’t allow him a double dose. “Why not?” asked the man. “Because it’s not safe,” replied the doctor. “But I need it really bad,” said the man. “Well, why do you need it so badly?” asked the doctor. The man said, “My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday; my ex-wife will be here on Saturday; and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can’t you see? I must have a double dose.” The doctor finally relented saying, “Okay, I’ll give it to you, but you have to come in on Monday morning so that I can check you to see if there are any side effects.” On Monday, the man dragged himself in; his arm in a sling. The doctor asked, “What happened to you?” The man said, “No one showed up.” Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook
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beacon night light that I would stare at while listening to Rick O’Shea, the night DJ that had me hooked at an early age. He played to hits, made wild jokes, and plugged all the concerts coming to town or to the region.
Standing in the rain, with his head hung low, couldn’t get a ticket, it was a sold-out show…
T
he second thing pappy gave me when we moved to the new farm was the other pillar item that cemented many of the choices in my life. It was Easter morning when I an, if you love live music that line will get you right was 6 ½ years old and I was given my older cousin’s mini bike. 5 hp Briggs, it had brakes, sorta, a new black seat to the core! Thanks to Foreigner for that incredible and dad repainted it so it looked and smelled like a new lyric. 1981 they unleashed Foreigner 4 on to the world, machine. I had wheels! A bunch of new trails to make and by world, I mean, me. A farm boy from Northwest around that farm and it was my sense of freedom. Between Iowa…I mean EXTREME Northwest Iowa. I tell people the radio and that mini bike, it was how a young kid that all the time when they ask where I am from…I say proudly, Northwest Iowa, “oh yea? Where? “Do you know felt trapped was able to explore and escape. efore the “net” radio stations where Okoboji is? “Sure, of course!” would tease, sometimes for a Well, not from there, but an hour or couple of days, pending concert anso west of there. Look, I could damn nouncements. It was brilliant, they near see Sioux Falls SD from my would never crack and tell you for old man’s farm driveaway. I could sure, but the excitement leading up see the massive 2000-foot TV tower, to the big announcement always at the time one of the biggest in the created a buzz, it was maddening country, I was just four miles south to me then, but looking back now it of the Minnesota border, like I said, was simply brilliant and it hooked the upper corner of the state. me and my schoolmates in time after time. hat tv tower belonged to the tv station group that also owned ho could it be coming to the and operated the local music station arena? The speculation was that reached out, deep into my soul always amazing, wild, and rarely (if at a young age, around 1st grade and ever) correct, but the hype was real imprinted my life’s passion, music and palatable. and broadcasting. Being on the radio, even though I had no idea what s a pent-up rocking kid on a that meant, I found music and it farm, the concept of seeing a was a moment of clarity even at that band, live in person, was something young, ripe age. 1320 KELO was a I just couldn’t imagine. Are you kidlegend. A monster that played the ding me? I just was unable to wrap hits and introduced me to so much my farm kid melon around this idea, music at a young age, years prior to but it was something that I knew I Friday Night Videos or MTV was around. A curious kid that felt trapped on the farm. Remember we had no cable, must be a part of at some point in my life. no satellite, zero entertainment options like we have now. nd then it happened. My first concert. How I got I had that radio station as my conduit to the outside world, permission I have no idea, mom was convinced that a world that somehow just passed all the gravel roads that all people did was smoke the devil’s lettuce and I was sure lead to the black top road, that led eventually to another to come home with a contact high, be addicted to weed road that led to a world of music, females, and cool and likely end up trading sexual favors to feed my habit, choices that I couldn’t fathom there on the farm. Mom was never as cool as dad. She hated my “riding ways” at a young age and didn’t like my access to .22’s at Heard the roar of the crowd, he could picture the scene such a young age. She got over it, but was always being a Put his ear to the wall, then like a distant scream… “mom”.
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was able to release some of this pent up, stranded feeling 981 Loverboy unleashes Get Lucky and suddenly we are that I had via two wheels. A path that started at a very all working for the weekend and even as a soon to be young age. One thing about my pappy, he never cared teenager, it was an anthem we all related too! about how old someone was to try something, if you were smart enough, that was good enough. He gave me his old he tease was intense on the radio station, what was gobedroom radio when we moved into our new house when ing to be the concert announcement!?! I was wrapping up 1st grade. A sprawling farm, lots of barns, a huge grove with all kinds of cool things to explore overboy was coming to town with special guest Donny as a boy. There was wildlife, trees, and it wasn’t far from Iris and the Kings! a stream. It was really a place to play as a kid. Dad got a new stereo for his room and gifted me his old stand-by that omehow, I got permission to go, bought my ticket, and was baby blue with a haunting soft while glow that was a went to my first concert. If I recall, it would have been
T L S
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early 1982 but the dates blend with history. Didn’t matter, the wave of emotion that hit me when a band that I loved hit the stage was overwhelming. I was hooked and I needed more and more.
T
he horse was out of the barn at that point and there was no way I was being contained and not having live music a part of my life after that. Nope, mom was right, I was an addicted. Hooked on live music and I craved more.
T
he shows came fast and furious after that all through high school. Ozzy, Quiet Riot, Loverboy a few times, The Hooters, MR. Mister, Billy Squire, Def Leppard and so many more. I wished I would have kept better records, but it’s rare I look back and reflect, usually living in the moment and wondering what is around that next corner.
N
o chance in hell, as a soon to be teenager waiting for Donny Iris to kick off my journey that I could have EVER imagined the life of broadcasting and concerts that was ahead of me. I have no idea how many shows I have ever been involved in, been too or been on stage for that matter, hell, I even DRANK BEER with Loverboy after a show and told Mike Reno that he was my first! Lol. ow that we are returning to live music, I really feel things in my world are back to normal and while I am jaded and burnt out over a great deal of things, when the lights go down, I know that guitar will touch my soul once again.
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Todd “Crash” Davis Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook
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Buzz the Motorcycle News December 1950
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Wednesday
Saturday
Back Forty Bike Night at the Barn Des Moines (2nd Wednesday May-September) Bea’s Place Baxter Cruise Night Britt (3rd Wed Jul-Sep) The OP Clear LakePete & Shorty’s Clarksville The Sports Page Mason City (Every other starts May 26th) Supper Rides Harley-Davidson of Carroll (,6-16, 7-21) Dinner Rides Zylstra Harley-Davidson Ames
Thursday Edwards Bikes on the Hundred Block Council Bluffs (3rd Thursday) Roar Into Harlan (3rd Thursdays) Stumpy’s Bar & Grill Duncombe Wild Hogs Saloon & Eatery Walford (3rd Thursday) Metro HD Cedar Rapids (2nd Thursday May-Sep) Harley-Davidson of Carroll (6-10, 7-8) East of Omaha Bike Night Griswold (1st Thurs May-Aug)
Viking Customs Bike Night Atlantic (Last Sat Apr-Sep) Happenings Bar Steamboat Rock (3rd Saturday May-Sep)
Sunday Just 1 More Jamaica (Starting in May) Road Rage Fun Run at The Exchange Avoca (4th Sunday May-Sep) The Tama Pump (Sunday June-September) St Charles Bike Night The Talk Shop Lounge St Charles (2nd Sunday except Aug) This list is what we have found and what has been submitted. Before heading to any event, please check weather and make sure the event is not cancelled. Not responsible for misprints and typos. If you have any other events to list, please email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
Friday Centerville Bike Nights (4th Friday May-Aug) R Place Pub & Pizza Kelley (2nd Friday May-Sep) Friday Night Bikes Prairie City Bike Night (3rd Friday Apr-Sep) Bondurant Bike Night at the Rails (4th Friday Apr-Sep) Hawk Heaven Tavern Altoona (1st Friday May-Aug) Pella Bike Night (2nd Friday May-Sep) American Legion Post 232 Polk City (2nd Fri May-Sep) Bloodline Irish Pub Greenfield (Last Friday) Thunder Nites Newton (2nd Friday Jul-Sep) Mean Machine Grub Run Elkhart (1st Friday)
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2021 Jul 23-25 Jul 23-25 Jul 24 Jul 24 Jul 24 Jul 24 Jul 31 Jul 31 Aug 6-14 Aug 7 Aug 7 Aug 14 Aug 14 Aug 14 Aug 20-22 Aug 20-22 Aug 21-22 Aug 21 Aug 21 Aug 21 Aug 21 Aug 21 Aug 28 Aug 28 Aug 28
Heartland Rally by the Christian Motorcyclists Association Ft. Dodge 36th Annual NCOM Convention Des Moines 3rd Annual Harley & Hot Rod Summer Celebration Big Barn HD Des Moines 3rd Annual Pine Lake Festival Motorcycle and Vendor Show Steamboat Rock Solidarity Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids Goozman’s Westside Annual Fun Run Harlan Ride with Rhodie Celebration of Life St Anthony/Steamboat Rock 12th Annual B.A.C.A. Biker Bash Elkhart Black Hills Motorcycle Rally CVMA Patriot Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids 6th Annual Keepers Legacy Ride Webster City D23 Motorcycle Rodeo Clermont 3rd Annual Cancer Sucks Car, Truck, & Bike Show Council Bluffs LT Ride for Babies Metro HD Cedar Rapids Rumble in the Sand August Conesville 17th Annual Iowa Heartland Trikers BTW Trike-In Kellogg Baxter Cycle Summer Open House Marne Kyle’s Mile 7.Suicide Awareness/ Prevention Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids Movie Day Featuring “Easy Rider” at Harlan Theater sponsored by Roar Into Harlan VFW Post 9662 Poker Run Des Moines Route 65 HD BBQ Open House Indianola Bike Bright 2nd Annual Non Profit Event Montgomery Street Pub Creston B.A.C.A. of Iowa Fun Run Cherokee ALR Run Council Bluffs 22 Veterans Suicide Awareness Association 6th Year Poker Run Council Bluffs
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Aug 28 Aug 28 Aug 28 Aug 28 Aug 28 Sep 2-4 Sep 2-5 Sep 4 Sep 4 Sep 4 Sep 3-6 Sep 9 Sep 11 Sep 11 Sep 11 Sep 11 Sep 12 Sep 12 Sep 17-19 Sep 18 Sep 18 Sep 19 Sep 19 Sep 23-26 Sep 25 Sep 25 Oct 7-10 Oct 8-9 Oct 9 Oct 15-17
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Cruising for a Cure (Cystic Fibrosis) Metro HD Cedar Rapids Kayla Jones Memorial Scholarship Ride Fort Dodge 6th Annual Chrome for Kids Raffle & Ride Cedar Rapids Roofs 4 Vets 2021 Dubuque Baldies Charity Event Sioux City Antique Motorcycle Swap Meet Davenport Redneck Revival Rally (Over 21) Conesville Heid Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids Hot Rods & Hot Bikes Bike, Car, Truck Show LHHD Pacific Junction Shooters Poker Run Anita 23rd Annual Midway Tavern Labor Day Rally & Soldier Firefighter Fundraiser Soldier Metro Motor Madness 620 Foundation Motorcycle Drawing Metro HD Cedar Rapids Mean Machine “Smalltown Throwdown” Burnouts & Stereo Comp Elkhart Miles for Smiles Poker Run Sioux City Patriot Day 20th Anniversary Ride Des Moines Defiant Souls MC Old School Bike Show & Rodeo Muscatine Motorcycle Hill Climb Anamosa HD of Carroll Best Ball Scramble Golf Tournament Carroll Rumble in the Sand September Conesville 9th Annual BOCA Ride Cedar Rapids Route 65 HD BBQ Open House Indianola Rumble to Recovery Metro HD Cedar Rapids Concours de Cornfield Earlham 44th Annual Iowa BMW Motorcycle Rally Elkader 8th Annual End of Summer Poker Run and Party CFMC Clubhouse Cedar Rapids 2nd Annual Suicide Awareness Run Decatur, NE Swap Meet/Flea Market Autumn Conesville Iron Invasion Davenport 9th Annual Gentleman Campaign Benefit Motorcycle Ride Cedar Rapids Cash in the Corn Drags & Halloweenie Party Conesville
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