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The freedom off tthe he rroad he oad ha oa hhas as al aalways wayss bbeen ways wa eeeeenn calling my name, me, e, ccalling alli al lin ing ng aall l oour ll uurr names, but only nly nl ly so ssome mee hhave avee th av tthe he option of answering wer erin ing th the he ca call call. llll. The accepted ppercentage eerrcceennttag age off motorcycle riders deerrs ac aacross crroosss cr the country is a vvery ey er low 8%. Thatt me m means ean ns that only a handful nddful ful fu of riders across sss the country are re a part of the population that enjoys open road travel via two oorr three wheels. T That hhaat seems like a really ealllly ea small percentage, but age ge,, bu ut overall, the numbers um umb mbe bers add up to overr 226 6 million riders. Out of 330-ish million people, only 26 million have what it takes to be able to buy, learn to ride, maintain, and keep riding on a pair of wheels in search of their own personal freedom. The 8% number seems very small, but the 26,000,000 number on the other hand looks huge. We have a very large and very vocal collective of people from all walks of life that have the ability to stand together and accomplish many things. We cannot lose sight of that fact. We need to gather thoughts and actions with the ones that share our interests, and move forward in this world as a group, whether it be for fun, for a run, or for our rights. Standing firm in our pursuit of freedom is paramount to maintaining that freedom for ourselves, and for our children. Another little tidbit about the 8% that I thought interesting enough to share is that the average age of riders is now 50 years old. Over the last 8 years, that has increased from 45 years old for the average age of riders to currently 50 years of age. At first glance, that seems like the riding community is simply aging. That thought is working under the assumption that the riding community is static and has not been changing itself. Is that the case though as we seem to be getting more and more riders coming on board after many years of work and toil, for them to get to the point where they can have the money and time
to ride? Is the riding population as a whole getting older, or are there just more “new” riders coming into the community that are older to start off with? If there are a higher percentage of “newbies” that happen to be older, then there will be an increase in the average age of riders. Are there fewer of the younger generations hopping on two wheels? This thought is totally on the list as a possibility as it seems that most new and many used motorcycles are beyond the reach of price point for a large portion of the younger demographic. Everything seems to be creeping, or even jumping up in price in this current day, and motorcycles and all of the necessary accessories are not exempt from that surge in pricing. Is the price point keeping the youngest of the potential riding community off of two wheels or are there other considerations at play? Do the youngsters just not give a shit about freedom of the road? Are they not interested in motorcycles because they are not techy enough? Hell, I don’t know. I have tried to get answers from the kiddos that live here and their friends without getting any decent answers. Is the aging of the riding community simply riders getting older, newer riders longer in the tooth, or way fewer younger riders coming on board? Is it a combination of all three of those variables? I have not been able to find any significant data on any of that to be able to make an intelligent overall statement as to why the riding community is aging.
Why does all of that make a shitting bit of difference? Why have I been babbling about the riding community? Well, to me, we need to be able to stand together if we are going to be able to seek freedom and the freedom of the road that has drawn us all to this very point right now. Not even delving into politics and other BS, the riding community needs to stand poised against any threats to the way of life that we love. Standing together also means that we need to maintain and grow our passion, our sport if you will, and our way of life. We need to encourage other like-minded people that would enjoy riding to come into our community, as well as be teachers about our lives and passions for the younger generation. If we don’t keep the 8% and work at Lexi came in to Thunder Guns West to show off growing that number, it will shrink and the collective voice some Liberty Safes from Quick Draw in Templeton, may go away. Be a good rider, be a good teacher, be a good sitting upon Tim’s Street Glide, to help promote the 11th Annual Sleeping Angels Fun Run that will freedom fighter.
On the Cover
be rolling out of Boone on May 7th this year. The reason for the Liberty Safes in the background, is this year they are raffling off a Liberty USA 48 Gun Safe so we thought we would show off some of the goods. You can go on Sleeping Angels Fun Run Facebook page for more information on the run, the raffle, and the awesome organization that truly appreciates your support. Tim and I will see you on May 7th at the fairgrounds in Boone!
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Vernon Schwarte Owner/Editor/Publisher Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa Quote of the Month: “Art is two things: a search for a road and a search for freedom. “- Alice Neel
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I ride my own bike and every now and again when Mark and I get separated in traffic, he suggests that we might want to think about trying those helmets with radios in them. And then he remembers Bill and Flo. Bill and Flo rode two-up and spent a lot of time on the road together, so it made sense for them to get the radio set-up in their helmets. That way, even when neither of them had anything to say, Bill could still listen to his tunes as they rode along. But their bagger was cushy and fairly often, when the sun got warm on Flo’s back, Bill’s music would suddenly be pre-empted by snoring. His relaxing ride would go from “ZZ Top” to “Zzzzzzzz” faster than Munroe’s Indian across the salt flats. He about wore a hole in the sleeve of his shirt from having to elbow Flo awake so many times. Now, obviously, Mark’s tunes wouldn’t be interrupted by me snoring but probably by something worse: unexpected stops for shopping. With a radio straight from my lips to his ears, our rides plans might be derailed by sudden cries of “Boot store on the left!” or “Antique mall on the right!” I think he finally decided that the radio thing would be too much like having a back-seat driver in the front seat with him. Many of us have been stuck with that back-seatdriver thing for much of our lives, or at least I know that I was. A friend and I were talking recently about how some pretty big, adverse events in our early teens derailed our lives for many of the years that followed. After a time of driving in the ditch, so to speak, I would get my car of life back up on the pavement. I had a plan, even if I wasn’t entirely sure of the destination, and I could keep it between the white lines until my back-seat driver started screaming in my ear: “Hard right! No one really loves you – you know that! Get out now!” And what would I do? I’d go hard right, of course. Right back into the ditch. The next time I’d get back up on the pavement and be creeping along slowly with my fog lights on and this time the whispering would start: “Is this all you can expect? You really want to be alone like this the rest of your life? If you don’t DO something this is your forever! Just take this side road and see if it goes someplace. You can always get back to the main road.” Most of the time, the “side road” I took turned out to be a farm equipment turnoff leading straight into a muddy field.
Forgiving myself and being thankful for God’s forgiveness provides me hope for a fresh future. (My favorite verse for this: Psalm 103:14 For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are merely dust.)
Forgiving God for letting bad things happen to me and to those I care about . . . OK, I know that’s not really correct, but I also know that’s how we often feel about God when life turns to caca – we feel like He let us down, failed us, betrayed us. Understanding why God allows the things He allows is far beyond my puny brain, but I have learned something that has helped me make progress in this area. Or maybe I should say I’ve re-learned it because it goes back to this: God really loves me. And He really loves you. And I don’t know why this is happening but it doesn’t change the fact that He loves us. I’m pretty sure that “forgiving God” is about learning to trust who God is separate from the expectations I’ve put on Him from a Eventually, I discovered that Jesus Christ really loved purely human perspective. (Fave song for this: Jesus loves me and I realized that betrayal, fear of abandonment, and rejection don’t make very good navigators. I began studying me, this I know; For the Bible tells me so . . .) my Bible and trying to put God’s truths into practice, but I With the help of Christ, you, too, have the hope of being still had a really hard time staying out of the ditch. Then I free of your back-seat drivers, whatever they may be. discovered the power of forgiveness. It’s never too late in life to learn to how to drive on the Forgiving people who have wronged me unhooks me from pavement instead of plowing through ditches . . . the power of those memories to continue to hurt me. (My Blessings – Karla favorite verse for this is Mark 11:25: “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive Mark and Karla Cornick are with the Christian him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your Motorcyclists Association. Find out more about CMA and trespasses.”) God’s plan for you at www.cmausa.org. 6 - TRMI APRIL 2022
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The Biker Friendly Business Directory is a list of establishments throughout Iowa that sponsor the magazine. You can pick up your copy here every month. Let them know that you saw them in TRMI. If your business would like to advertise in Thunder Roads Iowa Biker Friendly Business Listing and become a part of the network, please email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
Biker Accessories Crispy’s Biker Apparel Cedar Rapids, Iowa Find Us On Facebook
Dealers Baxter Cycle 311 4th Street Marne, Iowa 51552 712-781-2351 www.baxtercycle.com Big Barn Harley-Davidson 81 NW 49th Place Des Moines, Iowa 50313 515-265-4444 www.bigbarnhd.net Carroll Cycle Center 1327 Plaza Dr Carroll, Iowa 712-792-1610 www.carrollcycle.com Edwards Motorsports and RV’s 1010 34th Avenue Council Bluffs, Iowa 51501 712-366-8400 fullthrottleia.com or edwardsrvs.com
Heartland Harley-Davidson 117 S Roosevelt Ave Burlington, IA 52601 319-754-1100 www.heartlandhd.com
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Indian Motorcycle of Mason City Mason City Powersports 12499 265th Street Mason City 641-423-3181 Masoncitypowersportsinc.com Loess Hills Harley-Davidson 57408 190th Street Pacific Junction IA 51561 712-800-3500 loesshillshd.com
Okoboji Classic Cars Museum and Restoration Shop 810 Jeppeson Road West Okoboji, Iowa 51351 712-332-8029
Food and Drink
(Popular Poker & Fun Run Locations)
Flaming Office 201 W High Street Toledo 641-484-2255 Outdoor Patio, Happy Hour 5-7 Flaming Office on Facebook & Google Goozman’s Westside Bar & Grill 1019 7th St Harlan, Iowa 712-755-2259 Goozman’s Westside on Facebook
Metro Harley-Davidson 2415 Westdale Drive SW Cedar Rapids, Iowa 52404 319-362-9496 www.metro-motorsports.com
American Legion Post 111 1101 W 4th Street S Newton 641-792-3353 Open to the Public 7 Days a Week Newtonamericanlegion111.org
Haverhill Social Club 202 1st Street Haverhill, Iowa 50120 641-475-3321 Tues-Sat 10-2, Sun 12-12
Route 65 Harley-Davidson 1300 S Jefferson Way Indianola, Iowa 50125 515.962.2160 www.route65hd.net
Bea’s Place 108 N Main St Baxter 641-227-2080 Check Us Out on Facebook Food, Live Music, Bike Nights
Iowa Legendary Rye 707 N Main Street Carroll, Iowa 51401 Iowalegendaryrye.com
Storm Lake Honda 3040 Expansion Blvd Storm Lake, Iowa 50588 StormLakeHonda.com 712-732-2460
Bloodline Irish Pub 214 Public Square Greenfield, Iowa 50849 Bloodline Irish Pub on Facebook
J.R. Willie’s Gateway to the Beautiful Hill Country Colesburg, IA 563-856-5095 Open Daily Mon-Sun 11AM Home of the Willie Whopper
Catfish Charlie’s On the Mississippi River 1630 E. 16th Street Dubuque, IA 52001 (563)582-8600 www.CatfishCharliesDubuque.com
Just 1 More 515-570-4206 641-757-0159 309 Railway Jamaica, Iowa 50128
Chili Dawg’s Foods of Fire 1940 Blair Ridge Road Blair, NE 68008 www.chilidawgs.com Retail/Online Spice and Seasoning Store Desperados 105 E 5th Street Atlantic 712-243-7087 Home of Cold Beer, Good Times, Pizza & Wings
Mi Casa Family Restaurant 512 Market Street Harlan, Iowa 51537 712-755-2258 Enjoy Drinks at the Full Bar!
Zylstra Harley-Davidson 1930 E 13th Street Ames, Iowa 50010 515-232-6223 zylstrahd.com
Entertainment Book Em Dano’s 33 S Main Street Denison, Iowa 51442 712-263-9818 Mon-Sat 4-2 Dancers Nightly 5-1:30 National Motorcycle Museum 102 Chamber Drive Anamosa, Iowa 52205 319-462-3925 Nationalmcmuseum.org
Firehouse Bar 1211 5th Street Downtown Sioux City, IA 712-224-1020 Open Daily at 12:00
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Midway Tavern 206 1st Street Soldier, Iowa 712-884-2230 www.midwaytavernsoldier.com Montgomery Street Pub 207 East Montgomery Street Creston, Iowa 50801 641-782-2165
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Papa Joe’s 117 South 6th Street Missouri Valley, Iowa 51555 712-642-9015 Pearl Street Social Club 110 Pearl Street SW Shellsburg, Iowa 52332 319-436-7100 Find Us On Facebook!
The Full Nelson 205 West 2nd Street Halbur, Iowa 51444 712-658-2425 The Full Nelson on Facebook The Garage 621 K45 Whiting, Iowa 51063 (712)420-5895 Facebook The Garage
Pines Steakhouse Oinkers Lounge & Grill
1500 E 7th Street Atlantic, Iowa 50022 712-243-3606 M-F 11AM-, S-S 4PMRiverside Tavern 450 E Main St Lehigh, Iowa 50557 515-359-9998 Email:riversidetap@gmail.com Sandbar 103 North Noyes Street Mondamin, Iowa 51557 712-646-2300 Facebook Sandbar Mondamin Sidetracked 206 West Union Street Creston, Iowa 50801 641-782-8534 Stumpy’s Bar & Grill 423 Main Street Duncombe, Iowa 50532 515-543-4222 Stumpy’s Bar & Grill on Facebook Sugar’s Diner & Lounge 2725 E Kanesville Blvd Council Bluffs, Iowa 712-322-3600 Check us out on Facebook The Exchange 171 S Elm Street Avoca, Iowa 51521 712-343-2609 Lang’s Pizza, Cold Beer, Sports
The Yankee Clipper 312 SW Maple St Ankeny, Ia 50023 515-964-9484 yankeeclipperbar.com VFW Post 9662 Bar and Grill 1309 NE 66th Ave Des Moines 515 - 289 - 9914 and Facebook Vic’s Main Tap 304 Broadway Audubon, Iowa 50025 712-563-2122 Opens M-F 2-Close, Sat 9-Close, Sun 12-Close Wilson’s Tap and Recreation 1008 Story Street Boone, Iowa 50036/ 515-433-1395
Guns and Ammo JLM Shooters Supply 6931 Douglas Avenue Urbandale, Iowa 50322 jlmshooterssupply@gmail.com 515-331-1577
Hobbies & Collectibles
Insurance & Financial
Shops & Fabricators
O’Malley Wealth Mgmt. 5623 NW 86th Street Suite 400 Johnston, Iowa 50131 515-490-0930
Butterfield’s M.C. Parts 8025 Blondo Street Omaha, NE 68134 402-391-3768
State Farm Clark Ahrenholtz, Agent NMLS# 1679997 2114 12th Street Harlan, Iowa 712-755-5724 Clark.ahrenholtz.jb69@statefarm.com
Legal Hupy and Abraham sc, pc Lawyers for Bikers 800.800.5678 Hupy.com
Cycle Clinic 2209 ML King Pkwy Des Moines, Iowa 50314 cycleclinicdm.com 515-288-6954 F & J Racing 701 N 3rd Ave Marshalltown, Iowa 50158 641-752-8651 www.fandjracing.com
Inserra | Kelley | Sewell Injury Attorneys 6790 Grover St, Ste 200 Omaha, NE 68106 www.inserra.com (402) 391-4000
Mean Machine Cycle Parts Elkhart, Iowa 50073 Stereos, Bars, LED Lights, Air Ride Mon-Fri 9-6, Sat 9-12 515-367-7336
TheBikerLawyers.com The Biker Lawyers, P.C. Riding & Defending Your Rights for Over 30 Years 877-209-9452
Motorcycle Medic 3176 Highway 30 Woodbine, Iowa 51579 712-647-2818 Open Tues-Sat Noon-6PM
Photo and Art
Nelson Machine & Forge General Machining, Ornamental Iron, Weld/Fab 70 Washington Street Marne, Iowa 51552 712-781-2220
Ullrich Photography PO Box 1842 Clinton, Iowa 52733 563-243-8715 www.natanic.com
Treasure Island Diecast/Facebook Hot Wheels, M2, Matchbox, Jada Ertl, Lightning, Harley, Maisto Buy-Sell-Trade 641-521-8036 rayaustinhd@gmail.com
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Chuck’s Cycle Service and Repair S&S and Drag Specialties Dealer 307 E 5th StreetWashington, Iowa52353 319-461-5278
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Road Rage BikeWorks 401 High Street Avoca, Iowa 51521 712-307-6111 Road Rage BikeWorks on Facebook
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Steffens Cycle and Detailing 1311 E 7th Street Atlantic, Iowa 50022 712-250-8493 steffenscycle@gmail.com Thunder Road Cycles 4106 Rockingham Rd Davenport, Iowa 52802 563-323-3172 Thunder Road Cycles on Facebook
Tires Sandbothe Firestone 1106 Main Street Griswold, Iowa 51535 712-778-2223 Sandbothe Firestone on Facebook
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Trailers Lacaeyse Trailer Sales 4192 HWY 146 Grinnell Trailers & Truck Accessories 641-990-2674 www.lacaeysetrailers.com
To buy ad space for your business or service in our directory, give us call at 712-249-5630 or email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
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Imagine if you will an alternate universe where only the unthinkable could happen. A world that starts to constantly push a “green” agenda and looking for alternative fuels to “save the earth”. Then all of a sudden, we have a manufactured crisis that leaves us staring down the barrel of $5-7 per gallon gasoline. When everyone is coming out of their plan-demic, and people are looking at getting on with their lives and looking forward to an awesome spring and summer, and now people are trying to figure out how they are going to afford to go to work. Gas and other energy costs are soaring, and all the while electric this and electric that are being shoved down our throats. It does not matter that it takes coal, natural gas, or nuclear power to feed to electric beast, as long as it mates with their agenda, then we are all expected to take a bite of the big ol’ shit sandwich and move on. Our own President says that with a gallon of gas, we can drive across the country with an electric hybrid vehicle, so gas prices should not matter. What if we were living in a world that the free market is not dictating the types of fuels available to use in our cars, motorcycles, and even lawn mowers, but it is decided by law makers, special interest groups, and government agencies that have bypassed the law-making branch of government and decided to do their own thing simply because they can. Imagine if the past ten years the Federal Government has been studying the future of transportation including cars, trucks, trains, planes, autonomous vehicles, and the likes, without as much as a thought about how two and three wheeled modes of transportation fit in. The “smaller” vehicles such as motorcycles are not even a blip on a sensor out on the open road and not even accounted for in the “future” of the transportation industry. Imagine if we are no longer able to gather in groups? People that are no longer able to assemble for the “greater good” of society, and/or to keep people safe. Imagine if during this loss of the ability to gather, that we are told
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what we can and cannot wear, or show off any of our group’s insignias. What if we are told that certain patches on leather vests are no longer acceptable because they hurt people’s feelings or scare them just by the very sight of them? What if we are limited to where we can ride our motorcycles, especially if we have on the wrong attire? Imagine if we were no longer allowed to make our own prized possessions our own with customization and the ability to make them unique or to increase performance? What if there were a government agency that makes rules about how we can and cannot modify our motorcycles, trucks, cars, and any other form of internal combustion engines, and makes sure that we have a stamp or sticker on our equipment to ensure compliance? Imagine if things that we have done for decades all of the sudden make us criminals. That laws and rules are passed that throw us into the underworld of society and get labeled as troublemakers if we do not comply? If we speak up, will we get called unspeakable names to try to make us hush up and get into line with the powers that be? Imagine if you will that we are living in the world now. We are living in a real life “Twilight Zone” so to speak and it only starts to get more stupid every damn day. All of the aforementioned items are aspects of the focus of the Motorcycle Riders Foundation, among other freedom loving groups still in existence today. As you are reading this, I ask of you to look at joining the MRF and help become a FREEDOM FIGHTER, so that we can quit living in a Twilight Zone. Check it out at mrf.org or ring or email me if you have any other questions. Vernon Schwarte Editor/Owner Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa Owner Thunder Guns and Thunder Guns West Iowa Motorcycle Dealers Association (IMDA) Board Member Motorcycle Riders Foundation (MRF) Assistant State Representative Vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com 712-249-5630
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not so USELESS RAMBLINGS
Propaganda is defined as information, ideas, or rumors that are deliberately spread with the intention to help or harm a group, institution, nation, etc.
Propaganda is a dangerous tool since it appeals to an individual’s unconscious mind. Meaning, it works its magic right under your nose. Much of the news coverage in the media is delivered with the intent to shape our thinking into believing what they wanted us to believe. Propaganda has the ability to sway opinions and ultimately has the power to control certain situations or outcomes. Take politics, for instance. When it’s time for us to choose a new candidate, where do we turn for our information? The mainstream media. They decide what information is relevant or important. They decide what you get to know… unless you take it upon yourself to dig for the truth. Having to question what content is being fed to us isn’t something that we should have to do at all, but in today’s media climate it’s a skill we all ought to have.
The rise of propaganda in media began in the 1920’s during World War l when advertising was used to rally support for the war. Advertisements were plastered everywhere: “WE NEED YOU,” “SUPPORT OUR TROOPS,” “BUY LIBERTY BONDS”. After the war, propaganda continued to play a role in media as a way to persuade or push certain narratives.
The media pick and choose what will be in the headlines; they choose what you will see. They manipulate the public to advance a narrative that is controlled by those six corporations. At this point, the question you should be asking yourself is… “Who are these six corporations?” The answer to that is one I leave for you to find on your own.
In 1928, Edward Bernays decided that the term “public relations” should replace propaganda. According to him, “the conscious and intelligent manipulation of organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element of a democratic society”. In today’s media, propaganda is everywhere, however, it isn’t something that we are always aware of. Everything you see in mainstream media is spun to advance a narrative. Only once you realize that and dig behind the stories can you really begin to understand the truth about what you see in the news. While many already realize that the mainstream media is biased many think of media as though Walter Cronkite were still delivering the evening news, sadly this is so very far from the truth.
David McCoy david@thunderroadsiowa.com
Today, the media serve the agenda of six corporations that own them. Just about any source of information that you see, hear or read is controlled by the agenda of those six corporations. They control the country with a propaganda agenda using the illusion of choice. But, is it really a choice if you can channel flip between six ‘different’ news programs that are all saying the exact same thing? Sure, they may change a few words or how the story is delivered, but they’ve all been handed the same script. 16 - TRMI APRIL 2022
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We had to put sexy Lexi with Rick’s Panhead chopper for the calendar page, with a little different view of some of the bad ass Liberty Safes from Quick Draw in Templeton. Sleeping Angels Fun Run is gearing up for their next event on May 7th at the Boone County Fairgrounds in Boone. This year on top of the run and entertainment after, they are doing a raffle for a Liberty USA 48 Gun Safe including delivery within Iowa. You can get more information on the run, the raffle, and the organization on sleepingangelsfoundation.com or on their Facebook Page Sleeping Angels Fun Run. Hope to see you at the run, smile big for the camera!
Kula’s
114 E Greene St Walker, IA 52352 (319) 448-4888
different things on the menu, but we knew there was no way we could even begin to finish them all. We chatted with Johanna about her favorites, and finally decided that we would order some pork tails and pickles from the appetizer menu. The pork tails arrived piled high in a basket of crispy fried porkliciousness with a side of “It’s Just Sauce” for dipping (Kula’s original barbeque sauce if you were wondering). Johanna also arrived with a second basket filled with crispy, shoestring sliced dill pickled, coated in a crisp cornmeal batter and deep fried to pickle perfection. A side of cool ranch for the pickled was the perfect dipping sauce. As we were enjoying our appetizers, KaLynn swung by the table to chat just about the time the nasty weather that had plagued our day reared its ugly head again…did you know that you can still hear tornado sirens quite well in a bustling bar and grill? Suddenly the amusing sign just over my left shoulder seemed a little less amusing, and a little more ironic.
Hours: Closed Monday and Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday 5:00 PM - 10:00 PM Friday 4:00 PM - 2:00 AM Saturday 12:00 PM - 2:00 AM Sunday 12:00 PM - 6:00 PM
Despite the impending doom outside, we received our meals without delay from the staff at Kula’s. Vernon ordered the Texas Fries, and boy were they good. A large portion of crispy home style fries tossed in sweet chipotle dust, covered with smoked beef brisket, creamy cheddar cheese sauce, and drizzled with homemade horseradish cream sauce. A sprinkling of chives sat on top, rounding out the After winning awards participating in over 12 years of BBQ delicious dish. My meal was hand pulled pork sandwich that was slow smoked, juicy, and tender. I chose the Wing competitions, Jason and KaLynn Kula decided to open up a brick and mortar that allowed them to serve up that same Zing sauce on the side for a little extra spice. The soft, fresh bun and sour dill pickle chips were a perfect match to the award-winning BBQ to customers all year long. We took huge portion of barbequed pork. a quick trip north from Cedar Rapids to the small town of Walker. We were ready for a nice quiet For such a small town, dinner, and Kula’s seemed like a good choice. Walker sure wasn’t We pulled up and saw that the street out front boring. Our waitress was lined with vehicles and we snagged a spot Johanna was tons as quickly as we could. Once inside we waited of fun, and didn’t only a minute for a table, which was unexpected, seem to mind our because the place was extremely busy. Our off-brand humor at waitress all. KaLynn was fun Johanna to chat with, and sure quickly made us feel welcome showed in her establishment. us to our Kula’s is a must stop table, and I whenever you are chuckled at in the Walker area. a small sign Even in the middle of on the wall a tornado, they will serve to my left you up a hot, delicious that read, meal! We will be back for “Many sure, and when you stop have eaten by, be sure to tell them that here…few Thunder Roads Magazine have died”. of Iowa sent you! We ordered up a couple Until next time! of Bloody Melanie J Schwarte Mary’s, and the menu If you have a WRTE perusing location for us to was off to visit, please let me the races. know at Melanie@ thunderroadsiowa.com The menu was loaded with barbeque and burger options, as well as broasted chicken and pizza choices. Honestly, we wanted try about 10 20 - TRMI APRIL 2022
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1994 19 1 99 94 4 Enthusiast i
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1994 Enthusiast
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I saw two kids fighting on the elementary school playground I got drunk last night and and d decided ecid ec ided id ed and being the only adult around, I had to step in... Little to be a responsible adultt bastards didn’t stand a chance. and take a bus home. It was awesome, never drove a bus A guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable drunk before. doll. The guy behind the counter says, Male or female? The customer says, Female. The counter guy asks, Black or white? The customer says, White. The counter guy I once killed an adult asks, Christian or Muslim? The customer says, what does male Grizzly bear on a ski ki religion have to do with it? The counter guy says, The trip in Alaska with a small alll al Muslim one blows itself up. serrated knife. I had no no idea grizzlies could ski o orr where the bear got the knife. nife ni fe.. fe William Shatner is going to sponsor a new line of women’s jeans made to hide adult diapers underneath. They’re going to be called Shatner Pants. Perks of being an adult:: N Nobody obod ob odyy od will stop me from eating an an entire e tiire en re cake. Cons of being an adult: n ad adul ult: ul t: A man goes to confession after 25 years. So, the man walks Nobody stopped me into the confession booth for the first time in his adult life, from eating an entire having nothing but bad memories about it from when he cake… was a child. So, he opens the door, sits down and notices a couple of playboy nude calendars on the wall, a bottle of whiskey in the corner and a nice box of cigars next to it, and I went to an adult website ite aand nd he thinks to himself “Wow, this place has really improved searched for good Christian hri rist s ia st ian n over the years”. But then the father opens the door and content. Turns out it w was as aall ll yells “Get out! that’s my booth!” missionaries. How do you tell the difference between an adult film star Being an adult is basically trying to avoid people who have and a psychiatrist? Ask them to pronounce the word seen you naked, while trying to find new people to see you analyzed. naked. Little Johnny skipped school one day and since his house was next to his school, the teacher decided to visit Little Johnny’s parents the next day after school, but his granddad was the only adult home. When he saw the teacher coming, he said “Johnny! Your teacher is coming, hide and I will say you aren’t here. “No,” Little Johnny replied “you go hide. I told the teacher that I went to your funeral.”
I’m beginning to think adult supervision is a myth. In fact, my vision just seems to be getting worse. Satan arrives to welcome a new damned soul to hell. “Congratulations!”, he says, “You wasted your entire pitiful life!” “Well,” the man replies, “at least I’m not an adult living in my father’s basement.”
My daughter’s got an interview for a job working in the adult entertainment industry today…I hope she blows it. Guys, I’m not saying that Flat Earthers, Anti-Vaxxers, and Creationists are unintelligent people but...there is a reason why shoes with Velcro straps come in adult size. How do you know you are a real adult? Your back goes out more than you do. What’s the dumbest thing you did as a kid? You wished you were an adult. Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face, and told her mother, “Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!” Before the mother could So, a guy walks into an adult club for people who like to raise a concern, Sally went on to say, “It reminded me of a pee on each other...The manager comes up to him and says peanut.” Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally’s mom asked, “So why are you here? Do you want to join us?”. The man “Really small, was it?” Sally replied, “No, salty.” Mom says “Well, I like being peed on, so yes I’d like to join”. The fainted. manager looks him dead in the eye and says “You’re in”. 25% of all adult women are currently on medication for Have you heard of the ancient Amazonian tribe known as mental illness which is quite scary...Because that means the Fugawi? The average height of each adult was about 75% are running around untreated. 4ft, and they lived in an area with tall grass that would reach up to 6ft. They were known for jumping up and down 28 - TRMI APRIL 2022
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in the grass fields announcing “We’re the Fugawi! We’re How does a man show that he is planning for the future? the Fugawi!” He buys two cases of beer. The Grade 2 pupils returned to class after the long weekend. Their teacher told them to tell their classmates about the most exciting thing they did during the weekend, but to use adult words in telling their stories. First Pupil: “I visited my Nana.” Teacher: “Please use adult words, you visited your grandmother.” Second Pupil: I had a ride on a choo-choo.” Teacher: “Please, you had a ride on a train.” Third Pupil: I read a whole book by myself for the first time.” Teacher: “Excellent. And what was the name of the book?” Third Pupil, with a big grin: “Winnie the Shit!”
Joe goes to the pharmacy and asks for two Viagra pills. The pharmacist tells him that he doesn’t need two pills, one is enough. “I need two!” Joe said. The pharmacist said, “I will repeat again, one is more than enough.” “I need two.” “So, why two, Joe?” Joe explained, “Two girls will come to my place, tonight. We will have a romantic dinner, music in background, we will drink a couple glasses of wine, we will cuddle and have a long night together. I need two pills to satisfy both of them.” After having listened the man, the pharmacist sells him two pills. The next day, Joe returns to the pharmacy, rubbing his hands. The pharmacist says, “Good morning. How can I help you today?” Joe replies, “I need a hand balm.” “Why hand balm?” ‘Well, they didn’t come yesterday.”
What is an adulterer’s favorite snack? Cheetos.
A bachelor has no belly because when he opens a fridge he says: “Fuck it, the same ol’ shit again!” and then goes to the bed. A married man has belly because when he comes to My nickname in the adult film industry used the bed he says: “Fuck it, the same ol’ shit again!” and then to be Tri-Pod…I was the best camera man they goes and opens the fridge. ever had. A senior couple goes to the doctor. The doctor first visits the husband: Everything seems to be fine. Are you having problems? “Well, nothing special but when I make love with my wife, the first time, there are no problems at all. But, the second time I feel very sweaty and this annoys me.” The doctor then visited the wife and asked her a question: To me, everything looks ok but your husband says, when What does a sandwich shop and an adult film casting you are having sex, that the first time there are no problems agency have in common? Both offer 6 and 12 inches in while the second time he gets very sweaty. Do you know the many varieties. reason for that? “Sure, doctor. The first time is in January. The second is in August.” As much emphasis as was put on teaching me stop, drop, and roll as a child...I thought that, as an adult, catching on fire would be a much bigger problem than it seems to be.
What do adult film stars hang in their Christmas trees? Pornaments. A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop. The cop walked up to her window and asked, “Miss, why are you driving so What’s the best part of the library to hang out if you want recklessly?” The blonde said, “I’m sorry sir, but wherever to get laid? I go, there’s always a tree in front of me and I can’t seem to Adult friction. get away from it!” The cop looked at her and said, “Ma’am, that’s your air freshener!” What’s the max Top Speed a girl can have sex? 68mph. Because any faster she’ll flip over and blow a rod. A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman. The Scotsman got out of If you ever plan on murdering someone, do it in an adult the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink movie theater. There will be other peoples’ DNA all over from a bottle of whisky. The Englishman was glad to have the crime scene and no witnesses will come forward to a drink. “Go on,” said the Scot, “have another drink.” admit they saw you there. The Englishman drank gratefully. “But don’t you want one, too?” he asked the Scotsman. “Perhaps,” replied the Scotsman, “after the police have gone.” How did you meet your husband? I was in a pharmacy, I needed aspirin. There was a man in front of me. He asked for XXXL condoms. After the wedding, I realized that he Why are there no women on the moon? is a stutterer. Because it doesn’t need to be cleaned. Why can’t you hear rabbits making love? Because they have cotton balls. Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook
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“More than I need. But not as many as I want. “ That is a great quote that I will never forget, one of those lines you hear at a certain stage in life and it just sticks with you. Sure, you hear great quotes from your old man, maybe gramps passed along a salient point, we have all heard them and if we are lucky, we have even had a few stick with us to varying degrees over time. More than I need…but not as many as I want. Now, this could easily be attributed to motorcycles! I mean, after all this is a motorcycle magazine, not just any motorcycle magazine but the premiere monthly biker magazine in the country and the boss has an award hanging to prove it. I mean, I think he hung it up, after all he did win a major award, I have never been invited to the office to see said award, but I clearly recall him talking about the award. Come to think of it, a few years ago, I won the employee of the month award for one of my incredible hard hitting monthly columns here at Thunder Roads Iowa, now, I don’t recall what that award winning, incredibly hard hitting column was about, but it was award winning and I did NOT get an award to hang on my wall or at the office of our palatial headquarters, where, clearly I have an award hanging if I was ever
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actually invited into the said headquarters. But like I said, that quote could have been said about bikes; after all, I have more than I actually ride, but not too many really. It’s not like my buddy’s garage where he has nine bikes at last count, or even my other buddy that has 100’s. No, that is not a misprint, over one hundred motorcycles. He is the kind of guy that when collectors are looking for something, they call him, when something rare comes up for sale, people call him. He’s legit one of the coolest dudes I know, but he has more than he needs, but not as many has he wants. Permit me to dive into this phrase if I may before I get to the meat of what I am getting at, and it really can be applied to so many things. I use to be a voracious reader and a collector of books. It was something I loved to do. I still do love to read, but my passion for it is nothing like it used to be. Not even sure why and it’s not something I really lament all that much, my schedule is just a little different now and when I get time at the end of the night, the time I would normally read, I pass the hell out once I hit the pillow. I SHOULD find more time to read, I know that, after all I do have way more books than I need but not near as many as I want. Sure, I am still gathering them, just not at the same rate of speed as I once did, nor as I mentioned, consuming them. I keep telling myself, soon I will be back to reading like I once did, I just need to find time, which of course is the biggest bullshit cop out response you can
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have, if I have more time, time is the only thing we have, it’s one of the things we can actually do something about! We can always find time but do we have enough inner fortitude to put your money where your mouth is and actually do it. We all have time to do shit we want or should do, but we find an excuse to not do it. I can find time to read at night, even for 15 minutes. We all can. How often have you said to yourself or heard someone say “I wish I had more time with my kids” “I wish I could find the time to finish this project, I wish I had time to work out etc., etc., etc.
feel bad knowing I have more weapons than I really should and seem to be adding more on a regular basis. Do I really need them and do I expect complete and total chaos? No, I really don’t, but I don’t think of this as hedging my bets either, just call it a quirky hobby I currently have and it’s all good. Look at it this way, for every gun I own, that is one less gun some shitforbrains criminal can get his hands on so maybe I don’t have has many as I need just yet. Todd “Crash” Davis
We all do it, in different degrees and it sucks to admit that we are unable to control our own time and destiny to get shit done in life or to do the things that we want to do. “More than I need but not as many as I want” to me, at this moment is a quote that I have been talking about for the last few months, and about a subject not related to bikes at all. As a point of fact, considering where we are in the New Year, I feel pretty damn blessed with the amount of riding I have been able to sneak in. Its 60 miles round trip to my office headquarters, many nice days after leaving the radio station studios I have run home at 10am, swung a leg over and enjoyed a great ride, a chance to clear my head and love life, then sneak in another 30 miles or so on the way home and it’s been kick ass. No, in today’s politically charged world, if I was to proclaim that person that uttered that phrase I quote a great deal of late I would be branded a libtard or even worse, a democrat sympathizer and a RINO or some dumbshit. I freaking hate politics so much anymore. You can’t agree with anyone from the other side without becoming an outcast. Try and brand me, it really won’t work. Senator Lloyd Bentsen, a feller I have NOTHING similar to in any way shape or form, and I don’t care, these days he would be considered a moderate, but he was pro 2A and that is something I appreciated very much, he was a Texas hunter and loved his shotguns. He was on a TV hunting show more years ago than I can recall and at the end of the hunt there was a chat about various guns. When asked how many guns he owned he said well, I don’t want my wife to know so let’s just say More than I need but not as many as I want. Brilliant. Now, I don’t care if my wife knows how many guns I actually own, hell, I like to buy them for her just as much as she likes when I bring them home for myself. As long as I keep buying her ammo, guns are a thing we never have an issue with. You see, the issue we do have is not spending enough time actually shooting them! We own guns that we have never shot. Just like my friends have bikes they have never ridden. Doesn’t make any of us bad people, It’s just one of those wacky things in life I never thought I would have an issue dealing with, if it is indeed really an issue at all. There is shit going down around the globe, I really don’t Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook
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2022 Mar 26
Accident Scene Management Presentation by Slider Gilmore Marshalltown Mar 26 March Madness LHHD Pacific Junction Apr 1-3 World of Wheels Omaha Apr 2-3 North Iowa Motorcycle Expo Mason City Apr 2 Riding Academy LHHD Pacific Junction Apr 3 Parts Girl Promotions Swap Meet Rock Island, IL Apr 9 Spring Open House LHHD Pacific Junction Apr 2 Riding Academy LHHD Pacific Junction Apr 23 Poker Run for Michelle Chance LHHD Pacific Junction Apr 23 Bike Blessing Route 65 Harley-Davidson Indianola Apr 24 Annual Sgt James C Kearney III Memorial Motorcycle Run Emerson Apr 29-30 Vintage Torque Fest Dubuque Apr 30 Blessing of the Bikes Big Barn HD Des Moines Apr 30 Plattsmouth Baseball Poker Run LHHD Pacific Junction May 1 4th Annual Blessing of the Bikes Muscatine May 1 38th Annual Spring Swap Meet Monticello May 7 11th Annual Sleeping Angels Fun Run Boone May 7 16th Annual Chrome Divas Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids May 7 CMA Blessing of the Bikes Crapo Park Burlington May 14 PGI Riders Blessing of the Bikes Metro HD Cedar Rapids May 15 Northwest Christian Church Bike Blessing Council Bluffs May 21 Iron Workers MC Spring Run/Party Omaha, NE May 21 Harley Joe’s Invitational Bike Show & Swap Meet Omaha May 21 Bulleit Memorial Ride Anamosa May 22 “Thank You For Your Service Rides” IA Veterans Home Marshalltown May 26-30 Redneck Revival Rally (Over 21) Conesville Jun 3 Southeast Iron Butt Tour Benefitting Operation Homefront Metro HD Cedar Rapids Jun 4 Ride for Darcy Metro HD Cedar Rapids Jun 4 Veterans Benefit Ride Shellsburg ALR Post 166 Jun 5 72nd Annual Motorcycle Hill Climb Anamosa Jun 11 Roar Into Harlan Fun Run Gooznann’s Westside Bar Harlan Jun 11 CVMA Patriots Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids Jun 11 Patti’s Riders 4 Thrivers Poker Run Council Bluffs Jun 18 Two Wheel Trauma by Slider Gilmore Nevada Jun 25 Chains Interrupted Freedom Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids Jun 25 H.O.W. Chopper Show Fundraiser Party Fort Madison Jun 25 Benefit for Ken “MT” Cash Colona, IL
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Jul 1-2 Iowa Hog Drags and Nostalgia Reunion Humboldt Jun 30-Jul 2 Freedom Rally Algona Jul 8-9 9th Annual Combat Veterans Chapter 39-3 APR Benefit Ride/Cruise Elkport Jul 9 15th Annual Freeman Ride Avoca Jul 9 PGI Riders Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids Jul 15-17 British Biker Cooperative 41st Rally & Show Blue River, WI Jul 16 Hospice Ride Burlington Jul 23 Cruzin’ for a Cure – Cystic Fibrosis Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids Jul 30 Solidarity Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids Aug 5-14 Black Hills Motorcycle Rally Aug 13 Little Timmy’s Ride for Babies Metro HD Cedar Rapids Aug 13 Hell On Wheels #6 Chopper Show Donnellson Aug 13 8th Annual LT Ride for Babies Cedar Rapids Aug 20 Kyles Mile 8 Metro HD Cedar Rapids Aug 20 Carfest/Truckfest/Bikefest Dedicated to Epilepsy Awareness Ankeny Aug 21 Quad Picnic Blakesburg Aug 27 7th annual Chrome For Kids Raffle & Ride Cedar Rapids Sep 1-5 Redneck Revival Rally (Over 21) Conesville Sep 2-5 Midway Tavern’s 24th Annual Solider Valley Poker Run & Street Dance Soldier Sep 3 2nd Annual Hot Rods, Hot Bikes w/Dave Kindig LHHD Pacific Junction Sep 10 Teufelhund Veterans Group 10th Anniversary Support Ride HQ Anamosa Sep 11 Motorcycle Hill Climb Anamosa Sep 17 Chrome Divas of CR BOCA (breast/ovarian cancer awareness) Cedar Rapids Sep 18 World Famous Butterfield’s M-C Parts Hot Dog Daze Omaha, NE Sep 22-24 MRF Meeting of the Minds Des Moines Sep 24 22 Veterans Suicide Awareness Association 7th Year Poker Run Council Bluffs Sep 24 Toys For Tots Run Mediapolis Sep 25 Rumble to Recovery Metro HD Cedar Rapids Sep 25 “Thank You For Your Service Rides” IA Veterans Home Marshalltown Oct 1 Chrome Divas Mac & Cheese Cook-Off Metro HD Cedar Rapids Oct 1 Iron Workers MC 21Fall Run Omaha, NE Nov 12 Iron Workers MC Toy Drive Kick Off Party Omaha, NE
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