Shrek’s Very Epic Journey by Farley

On a calm day, Shrek was sipping a mudshake, relaxing in the poo pool and bathing in rotten onions, listening to the calming radio. Suddenly, Fox News began playing its stupid theme. Shrek was in shock, because he heard the main report about how CyberTrump, who was made from Donald Trump and Elon Musk, outlawed all sales and production of Shrek Twinkies in the United States, and any remaining Shrek Twinkies left on the shelves of stores had been repossessed and burned.

Shrek was in shambles after listening to this terrible situation. He and Donkey made a drastic plan called Operation Sandstorm. It involved building new production facilities in America’s neighbour, friend, and enemy, Mexico. Shrek began building his facilities, the production, and his education in Spanish to attract the Mexican market. His work paid off: Shrek finally learned Spanish and made his product readable.

Shrek sold hundreds of millions of Shrek Twinkies each month, and was successful. But he eventually wanted to get revenge on America for outlawing his world-class Shrek Twinkies. He smuggled a ton of Shrek Twinkies into America, where they were sold on the black market. CyberTrump and his new vice president, John Cena, found out and set a fine of thousands of dollars for anybody caught with Shrek Twinkies.

Shrek was very angry and, since he was banned from entering the United States for his alleged fraudulent business, he decided to smuggle himself into Washington, D.C., in a Taco Bell supply truck. He experienced excessive amounts of diarrhea from the smell of the tacos alone. He collapsed and woke up at his destination of Washington, D.C., where he suddenly spotted John Cena eating at 58

the Taco Bell. Shrek challenged the weak John Cena to a baseball game. First to score would win a wager. If Shrek won, John Cena had to let Shrek travel in and out of America with the Secret Service, and he must try a Shrek Twinkie himself. If John Cena won, Shrek would be sentenced to life imprisonment in Guantanamo Bay, with no chance of parole.

They played the baseball game, and Shrek’s chances of winning decreased each second. But then Shrek activated another active brain cell and had an ingenious idea. He called checkmate in the baseball game. John Cena was shocked and cried like a little man.

Shrek won the baseball game and stuffed Shrek Twinkies into John Cena’s throat. Surprisingly, John Cena started considering the Twinkies his favourite food, placing them ahead of the taste of CyberTrump’s earwax. John Cena pledged to overthrow CyberTrump from government, making a deal that Shrek would give one percent of all Shrek Twinkies to him at a discount price of 21 percent. Shrek accepted the contract, and a new saga began.

John Cena and Shrek began buying all the regular Twinkies in the world and remaking and reproducing them into Shrek Twinkies. John Cena marketed the Twinkies across the world and they sold everywhere on Earth. Even Antarctica and North Korea loved them! Fox News and other people stormed the White House to ban regular Twinkies for their crimes against the tastebuds of humanity. In the end, CyberTrump did what the public wanted: he banned regular Twinkies and legalized the consumption of Shrek Twinkies.

All was well, until one day CyberTrump took all of his military troops to the Bermuda Triangle and nuked the Shrek Swamp using GPS technology. Shrek was shocked—the blast sent him to London, where he rode the train to Shrek’s Pizza and took refuge there. People told him all about CyberTrump’s plan to exile Shrek to a pit in the North Pole

and dump John Cena into a volcano in Hawaii. The public also told him all about the Book of Shrek and how the queen had been hogging the book to read to her grandchildren.

Soon, the people realized that if Shrek did not get the book soon, CyberTrump would nuke Europe. Shrek blew up the Tower of London, stole the Book of Shrek for the good of the world, and drove a convertible across the Atlantic Ocean, where he and John Cena ended up in Canada.

Immediately, the Twumplets—half Trump, half Twinkies— were there to prosecute them into the pit in the North Pole. Shrek and John Cena got latched onto Velcro, forcing them up north so Shrek could be punished in his pit.

But Shrek and John Cena had an idea. The only way they could escape was to jump into the Niagara Falls. They made their move and fled on a boat. They travelled across the Great Lakes, rode to Washington, D.C., and met CyberTrump. Using the Book of Shrek, they got a Turkey in Tic Tac Toe and defeated the U.S. military and destroyed CyberTrump, once and for all.

But then CyberTrump self-destructed, and blew Shrek and John Cena all the way to Russia. Unfortunately, John Cena cried like a baby, and just sobbed for the rest of the day, right after he landed in Russia crotch first.

Then they learned that Donald Trump and Elon Musk were about to arrive to fight our heroes. However, a stroke of genius came into Shrek’s brain. He called Vladimir Putin for nukes to blow up Donald Trump and Elon Musk all the way into the moon. And, in an instant, the nukes were fired and the bad guys were sent back to the moon! The Earth was safe from the monsters threatening to jeopardize Shrek Twinkies. But unfortunately, it turned out that Elon Musk was a hologram, and he said, “Adios, see you in Mars!” Shrek was furious.