Hello, My Name Is . . .

???

A Strang

by Divisi e Object Guessin on 2 at Seymour g Game Elementa ry

Copyright © 2017 The Writers’ Exchange This book was created by Division 2, Ms. Crespo’s grade 4/5 class, at Seymour Elementary in the fall of 2016.

The Writers’ Exchange gets inner-city kids excited about reading and writing through mentoring and creative writing projects like this chapbook. All Writers’ Exchange programs are free for the children and families we serve, so we could not exist without the support of amazing donors, including Marily Mearns, the Waterbury Foundation, Social Venture Partners Vancouver, Megan Abbott, Bernard MacLeod, Linda Louis, TELUS Vancouver Community Board, Leo and Florence Helzel, BPS Wealth Management, Nancy and Ted Maitland, Lynn and Gene Gerwing, the RBC Foundation, the City of Vancouver and the Wolrige Foundation. Thank you.

Writers’ Exchange 881 East Hastings Vancouver, BC V6A 1R8 vancouverWE.com Please join us in acknowledging that we live, work, learn and play on the traditional lands of the Musqueam, Squamish and Tsleil-Waututh Coast Salish people.

Writers’ Exchange mentors: Brenda, Connie, Gabrielle, Jenny, Marlin, Mike, Rachelle, Solare and Victoria Design and layout: Claire Balderston, cbalderston.com Production coordination and editing: Melissa Edwards Editorial support: Rachelle and Kalea Creative lead: Haley Wells

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generously donated the printing of this chapbook.

hello, my name is

introduction This book is about the lives and perspectives of random nonliving objects. At the end of each story we would like you to guess what the object is.

contents Puck Bully, by Rivan 1 Cleansing Fun, by Elsie 2 I Got Bit, by Sozit 3 Things That Annoy Me, by Soleen 4 The Beautiful Goal, by Tyler 5 Get Anything, by S.W. 6 The Story of Katty, by E.Z. 7 You Push My Buttons, by Ethan 8 The Accident, by Martin 8 Just Citrusy, by Rebecca 9 The Freezer, by Salome 10 Lisa Bad Luck, by Linda 11 Lost and Found, by Narin 12 The Story of Something White and Smooth, by R.E. 13 It’s Hard to Be Me, by Vivian 14 Juicy Red, by Hyo Min 15 The Hot Story, by Justin 16 The Forgotten Thing, by Elizabeth 17 A Bad Day, by Damien 18 The Best Food Ever, by Ilia 19 Fat Man, by Ryan 20 Don’t Kick Me, by Carlo 21 Crunchy Good, by Khalid 22 The Life Story of Shine, by Serena 23

hello, my name is

Puck Bully

By Rivan

One day I was hanging out at a sports store. Then some guy came and grabbed me and put tape on me. The colour of the tape was black.

Then he put me inside his trunk. He took me out and I was really cold.

My new best friends are skates, padding and a puck. But I hate that puck because I always want to smack it. The ice is my home.

The best part of my life is when I get to smack that puck so hard inside of the net. And also when the guy that is holding me holds me up in the air. One day I took a huge slapshot and I felt a crack down my middle. My last thought was, “At least I got that stupid puck inside that net.� What am I? 1

hello, my name is

Cleansing Fun!

By Elsie

Hello, my name is Shelly. My job is difficult but fun! My job is making people’s hair smell great and clean. And my owner has not thrown me away yet, so that’s good! My best friend is conditioner. She has a better job than I do, but I don’t mind. My arch-enemy is body soap. He is so mean to me. I don’t like it when I fall into the bottom of the tub and my cap comes off. I start dripping everywhere! One time I fell in and I was in there for weeks. I especially don’t like when it’s night because it’s cold and dark. I like it when I cleanse my owner’s hair because after that everyone compliments her and I feel so proud! What am I? 2

hello, my name is

I Got Bit

By Sozit

I am made in China. I have an apple on my back but something or someone took a bite out of my apple. My story begins in a box. I had been waiting night and day to be picked out, then one day a man came over to me and picked me up and started checking me out. Then he took me to the cashier and paid to buy me. I went in this car and crossed over bumps and borders. Then I finally came to the house.

It was very delightful. A girl opened me. She looked at me with a surprised face. She had a really hard grip on me. The guy left and the girl started setting me up. When she was done I felt more alive, plus I knew that the girl was my owner.

3

hello, my name is

Things That Annoy Me

By Soleen

Hello, I live in space. It’s fun living in space, but sometimes it’s lonely. I get a lot of attention. People make poems about me. It’s annoying—you don’t see me making poems about you. That time of the year has come, oh my God, again. NASA just won’t stop sending humans to step on me just for some silly photos. This one time, a human came and spit on me.

How rude, right? But then I never saw him again.

Who is this? Are they humans? They have weird faces—I think they’re called aliens. That’s what I heard.

At night, I have a superpower: I can light up. By the way, I have a dark side that no one can see, so I guess I have a little privacy. It’s really fun sometimes, but sometimes I get a lot of attention and everyone’s staring at me. It’s very awkward.

Oh, I didn’t even notice the time. Sorry, I have to go light up the world once more, and get stared at by a bunch of random people.

Anyway, I have to go, so bye, bye. What am I? 4

hello, my name is

The Beautiful Goal

By Tyler

I’m dropped at the start of a face-off. The ice is cold on my back and face. Big guys blast a hard shot with me. Sometimes I go in the goalie’s glove. It’s dark and lonely in there. And sometimes they kick me, too.

When someone scores with me, I get to see my best friend. The net is my best friend.

5

hello, my name is

Get Anything

By S.W.

I am something you spend when you get me, and you can’t live without me! I can come in different shapes and sizes and even different colours!

I live in a bank, and you can get me from the bank. I can get you stuff from stores, such as Mr. Pets, PetSmart and Pet Lovers! I can get you almost anything if you have enough of me. What am I?

6

hello, my name is

The Story of Katty!

By E.Z.

Hi! I’m Katty, and I live in a house with a playful cat. Guess what I am.

I keep the cat busy playing all day long! I still don’t know why the cat chews on me. Ahh! I’m like a broken rag mouse! Finally, it stopped!

Oh, I see it’s getting catnip! I bet it’s hungry from all that chewing and pouncing on me. Hey! The owner of the cat is picking me up! I wish I could talk loudly and say thank you because she’s fixing me up! Ouch, she’s stitching me and putting in more stuffing! Oohh, eeeee, oww! I hope I can . . . AAAHH!!!

The owner threw me on the cat’s back. I don’t like it. I was going to say I wish I could be invincible. I hate it when I feel the needle sink into my fabric. Oh, no! The cat is about to pounce on me! Whoah. It’s dark in here. I hear mice creeping up. Yikes. I think I’m in a mouse hole!

A few moments later . . .

Yes! Do it, mouse! The mouse sniffed me and thinks I’m stinky, so he’s pushing me out of the mouse hole. Yay! Man, I was stuck in there for HOURS! What a crazy day! The cat sees me! It must be happy it found me. It’s purring on me. Whew. Time to take a break!

7

hello, my name is

You Push My Buttons

By Ethan

Here I am resting peacefully on the TV stand. I’m trying to save energy for when my human comes back to control me. My buttons are pressed faster and slower. It’s time to fight. I’m gold in colour. I’m oddly shaped.

I can connect to other systems. I can’t function without electricity. I’m tired when the battles are over. After a long day of hard work I’m put back on the TV stand. I’m ready for a nap.

The Accident

By Martin

I was in a garage. Then a boy came and played with me. He played in a field.

He scored a lot. Other kids came and played with me. They were kicking me.

The boy kicked me super hard and I landed on a nail and . . . POP! Who am I?

8

hello, my name is

Just Citrusy!

By Rebecca

Hi, this is my typical day. Well, first of all, I got placed in this store that I don’t even know. Second, there are people that worship my descendants and my relatives . . . but I really think I smell better than them. I am literally the only one in my family that is citrusy scented. When I was taken to this random store, my price was $12.36. And that is terrifying. I’m too pricey! So it’s another typical day is here. This store lady starts talking to a customer in front of me and my friends. I’m bored. A customer is grabbing me! She looks at me with a disgusted face. “You smell bad too, lady!” I think to myself. But I don’t feel bad because I know someone in this mall will love everything about me and I can finally shine!

9

hello, my name is

The Freezer

By Salome

I wake up in a freezer. Someone takes me and scoops me onto a cone.

It feels so cozy, but I don’t like the feeling of being cozy. Oh, no, what is she doing? What is she doing? Stop! Oh, dear. She can’t hear me! It hurts. Stop! Oh, the pain. I’m shrinking. Oh, no. Oh, wait! Yay, eat the cone first, not me. But I know she will eat me soon. Help! I’m all gone, sob, sob. Oh, wait, there’s still more of me in the bucket in the freezer.

10

hello, my name is

Lisa Bad Luck

By Linda

Hi, my name is Lisa. What is your name? Oh my, so many people are looking at me! What should I do? Wait, I only have one job to do. But I’m just learning. Ahhhhh! Oh no, a ball is coming at me!

The ball came from two kids who were playing soccer outside.

One of the boys kicked the ball so hard that it broke the window and bounced off the wall. The teacher took me to the store and got me fixed. The kids got in trouble. I am ruined and I make this sound: tick, tick, tick, tick. I have three hands and I won’t stop until somebody breaks me or turns me off. Who am I?

11

hello, my name is

Lost and Found

By Narin

One day I was on the shelf. One girl came and picked me up, then she put me back, so I felt sad. Then her teacher opened me in front of the class. Everybody looked at me and listened. The girl paid attention. After the teacher put me down, the girl came back and opened me, then she hugged me. So I felt happy. Wherever she went, she took me with her.

She always opened me and looked at me. She never put me down.

One day she picked me up and we walked to the park. While she was walking, I fell out of her bag. When she got home she opened her bag and I was not there. So she cried. She was sad, so she walked again in the park. While she was walking, she saw me on the ground. She felt so happy and she went home and she opened me again.

12

hello, my name is

The Story of Something White and Smooth

By R.E.

Hi! My name is Alfred. I am 23 years old and I have a big story to tell.

But first things first. I am going to tell you about my personality. I don’t like scissors, dogs, pencils, kids that throw chairs, crying children, laughing children and folding. I like erasers, and that’s it. It’s nighttime now so I will get some shuteye, so bye!

9 hours later . . .

Ugh. Good morning. I’m going to have some hot chocolate. AhhAhhh-Ahhhh! Don’t turn left don’t turn left don’t turn left. Nooo! My worst nightmare—doo-doo-doo, dee-dee-dee. Ahhhh! It’s a daycare.

Hah, It’s not so bad after all. But suddenly from behind me I hear “Ahhh!” I turn around and see another thing like me getting ripped up.

I have to get out of here! But just as I make the attempt, I get grabbed by a three-year-old! I start screaming! The three-year-old starts ripping me and throws me in the recycling bin. I sit in the recycling bin, stuck there, in pain, and I think about my memories. I remember when I was a baby sheet. I remember about my mad scientist and the superpower he gave me so I could put myself back together! I remember about being swooped up by the wind and taken to this daycare.

Wait a minute. My superpower. I have a superpower. I quickly put myself back together and fly out the window, back to my home. Whew!

I will close the window and drink hot chocolate and watch a movie on Netflix and say hasta la vista.

13

hello, my name is

It’s Hard to Be Me

By Vivian

hh Sh erry as.

M istm r Ch

ve I lyoou.

I'm here.

Hey it’s me! I am here to tell you a little bit about myself. Are you ready to have it? Okay here it is. I am used as a tool, a very useful tool. I am an object that gets you into the holiday spirit. My mom, my dad and my family love me so much. I look like someone that is alive, like a toy.

My mouth gets tired every day. I wish I could be a real-life person that could eat marshmallows because they are so soft and sweet. I wish I could be an Elf on the Shelf—that would solve my problem. But to cheer myself up, I remind myself that I am the most useful Christmas decoration. What am I?

14

hello, my name is

Juicy Red

By Hyo Min

I was hanging out on the tree with my friends, Gerald and Granny.

Suddenly, my stem popped off from the branch and I fell to the hard, dirty soil. “Ouch!” I yelled. “That hurt.” But suddenly someone grabbed me and tossed me hard into a basket with my friends. I was terrified.

After a long, ten-minute drive, we were finally at a market. I was placed in a cool place to chill.

After a few hours, someone came and put me in a small plastic bag.

I was taken to a beautiful house and was left on the counter. Later, she took out a big knife and placed it on the counter. I was terrified! Then she took a cutting board and put it on the counter. Then, one by one, she washed us and put us on the table. The last thing I remember was kids putting me in their disgusting mouths. But while they were chewing, I heard: “This is super juicy!” And I was glad. Who am I? 15

hello, my name is

The Hot Story

By Justin

Hello, I am very hot. I am probably two billion years old. I live very high up and I live with my family. I don’t like it when it rains because I can’t shine and I have to wait all day to come out and play. My worst enemy is thunder because when he comes he roars almost all day. My family members are the other planets. Who am I? 16

hello, my name is

The Forgotten Thing

By Elizabeth

I hang around the teacher’s neck in the gym. He teaches volleyball. I’m not happy because it’s usually loud and people don’t listen to me. One day the gym teacher forgot me at home. I was bored because I was left at home and I wasn’t at the exciting volleyball game. I was sleeping and I had no friends. It was sad. Then the gym teacher remembered me and came back to get me and take me to the volleyball game. What am I?

17

hello, my name is

A Bad Day

By Damien

I am something you use to say things. I woke up in a store. A man came to the store and bought me. Then he brought me to work. He sharpened me. He dragged me across some paper and wrote a letter. I got smaller and the man threw me away.

18

hello, my name is

The Best Food Ever

By Ilia

I’m a delicious food eaten with Coca Cola. I could be eaten hot or cold.

I’m made in Italy but you can buy me in every country. You could buy me from 7-Eleven. My dad makes me homemade in the oven. You can put anything on me. You can cut me in pieces. What am I?

19

hello, my name is

Fat Man

By Ryan

The sun was a gangster. He’d been to jail five times. He went to Thorn Jail, up north. He punched out of the jail, then went back north. He gave up his life of crime. But then he came and melted all the snow.

20

hello, my name is

Don’t Kick Me

By Carlo

AAAAA

Stop, stop!

Don’t kick me!

You talk?

Help, the ball talks!

Why can’t I kick you?

Because the world is full of people kicking my friend and me.

Ohhh. Ok. Ok, ok.

Don’t kick me, I am your friend.

21

hello, my name is

Crunchy Good

By Khalid

I was sleeping in the soil. Suddenly, I got plucked out of the ground. I got washed. I got loaded on a truck. Then I was suddenly taken out of the truck and put on a conveyor belt. I got sliced into thin slices. Ow, ow, ow. I got thrown in hot oil. Ow, ow, ow, ow! Next, I got rained on by barbecue flavour. My new home was a bag with a silver lining. I went to the store. A kid picked me and my friend. The kid opened my home.

Nooooo! He ate me! Ow, ow, ow, ow! What am I?

22

hello, my name is

The Life Story of Shine

By Serena

Hello my name is Shine. I hate it when people leave my cap off, but I love it when people spread me all over their page—that’s when my true shine and sparkle comes out! I’m also colourful and you can find me in the craft section of the store. There was a big problem. My owner was four years old and did not know how to use me properly and was always putting me in globs! But she grew up and is now nine years old.

I am finally happy. I can shine! And sparkle. Who am I?

23

As an author of a Writers’ Exchange book, you are invited to sign up for our FREE after-school and summer programs at the Writers’ Exchange home base, at 881 East Hastings Street.

We run programs for kids in grades 1 to 12.

Ask your teacher for a signup sheet, go to vancouverWE.com or call Jennifer at 604-428-8228 for more information.

bye

!

No liv o b j e ct s a i n g llowed!