101 Ways to Be An Ancient Greek

101 WAYS TO BE AN ANCIENT GREEK a division 26 book of youtube scripts about the gods, goddesses and people of the ancient ages

Copyright © 2015 The Writers’ Exchange This book was created by Division 26, Mrs. Brothers’s grade 7 class, at Hastings Elementary in the winter of 2014.

The Writers’ Exchange makes literacy exciting and accessible for inner-city kids through free mentoring and creative writing projects like this chapbook. All Writers’ Exchange programs are free for the children and families we serve, so we could not exist without the support of generous donors, including Bernard MacLeod, Marily Mearns, Linda Louis, Nancy and Ted Maitland, Megan Abbott, Lindsay Mearns, anonymous donor, the Waterbury Foundation, TELUS, Coast Capital Savings Credit Union and the Vancouver Foundation. Thank you. And thank you to the amazing volunteer mentors who work with the kids in all Writers’ Exchange programs so that each child can succeed to the best of his or her ability.

881 East Hastings Vancouver, BC V6A 1R8 To read more great student writing, visit vancouverWE.com Writers’ Exchange mentors: Anna, Ginny, Jen, Laura, Molly, Nick, Susan and Travis Editorial support: Melissa Design and layout: Claire Balderston, clairebalderston.com

Writers’ Exchange in-school projects are made possible by the Vancouver Foundation and Coast Capital Savings Credit Union.

Printing for this chapbook was generously donated by Hemlock.

The Writers’ Exchange is a project of Tides Canada Initiatives Society.

i nt r od u ct ion Hello there!

This is to tell you that Division 26 from Hastings Elementary wrote and filmed these YouTube scripts. This book is about us Ancient Greeks.

No, the book didn’t come from the Ancient Ages, if you were wondering.

Anyway, we worked really hard to complete this book. And without the Writers’ Exchange, this would not be possible. A round of applause for the Writers’ Exchange! [clap clap clap clap clap] Yeah, we know, we can’t hear you clap.

Oh yeah, one last thing — we hope you enjoy this book. A LOT. —Jenny, Jhonbbe, Tijn & William p.s. Check us out on YouTube: youtube.com/vancouverWE

table of contents 2 Dried Grapes, by G.Y., Jackie & Emily 4 Ryan the Scientist/ Philosophist, by Aaron 5 A Young Astronomer, by Ibin 6 Jasipher the Playwright,

by Jasmine 7 Jenpho the Playwright,

by Jenny 8 About Techno, by Ethan 9 Johnto the Philosopher,

by Jhonbbe 10 Aristarchus the Astronomer,

by Tijn 11 Willtotle’s Daily Life,

by William 13 Hypnos II, by Eric

14 The Arrogant Sir Carlmedes II,

by Carlin 16 Snufflufagus the Goddess,

by Hailey 17 Lucina the Scientist Mathematician, by Jenise 18 Luna the Philosopher,

by Lisa 20 Gladious the Warrior,

by Mattis 21 Goldarius the Poet, by Jeff 23 Thales the Astronomer,

by Dominick 24 The Ancient Greek, by Oriana 25 A Party for Frankolitus the Playwright, by Kyle, Jarrod, Filse & Stephanie

101 ways to be an ancient greek

dried grapes

By G.Y., Jackie & Emily

In 399 BC there were two philosophers, named Decartheous and Socrates. There was also a powerful leader of war named Odysseus.

He was the ruler of what is now Turkey.

The two philosophers visited the leader of war in Turkey, to tell him that he should not invade other city-states to get resources.

They brought some dried grapes as a gift, and they went to visit Odysseus early in the morning.

They took turns knocking on the door to the leader’s palace, loudly. Three hours later, Odysseus had a slave open the door.

Odysseus yelled at the two philosophers for coming to his palace so early, and with only dried grapes as a gift. He walked down the stairs and threw the dried grapes into the cellar for the slaves to eat.

As he came back up the stairs, he saw the two philosophers coming toward him.

One of them said, “Hello my dear friend. My name is Decartheous.”

“And I’m Socrates,” said the other.

“What are you doing here?” thundered Odysseus.

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“We are here to tell you that you don’t have to invade other city-states,” explained Decartheous.

“Then how am I going to get resources?” screamed Odysseus.

“You can make your own resources, or search for some in your own country!” shouted Socrates.

“Whatever. Let’s go, Socrates,” said Decartheous.

As they left the room, they were attacked by charging warriors of Sparta. There was no way out, so they had to turn themselves in.

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R

he Scientist/Philosophi t n st ya

By Aaron

Greetings everybody! My name is Ryan. (My last name is withheld for privacy reasons.) I’m a scientist/philosophist. If you’re wondering what a scientist/philosophist is, scientists try to prove things with experiments, while philosophists are wise people who study the world around them. Philosophists ask questions and are great thinkers.

I was Archimedes’s assistant. I was born in 240 BC. My family abandoned me in 230 BC. Archimedes found me and asked me to be his assistant. When Archimedes was killed, I escaped unscathed — I barely made it without injuries. When I learned about Plato and Socrates (Plato was the first philosopher to achieve fame, and Socrates taught the value of questioning common beliefs), I wanted to become a philosopher, but I still loved science, so I became a philosopher and a scientist. (Is there such a thing as a scienopher?)

I’m trying to figure out how tides rise and fall. I have no idea how I do the experiment. Stay tuned for the sequel. . . if I’m still alive.

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g Astronomer A Youn

By Ibin

Hi, my name is Hipparchus. I am 17 years old and I am an astronomer. I like animals, sports and mathematics. Things I dislike are travellers and pies. My personality traits are that I am cool, funny, smart and strong. A lot of my friends like to talk about mathematics and animals, but after a while it gets boring so we talk about travellers, and how they ask us for information. I am a pretty young astronomer and I have a lot more stuff to learn about stars and planets in the universe. In my free time I have really long naps in the daytime. Some day I will meet a young astronomer just like me and teach him what I know.

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er the playwright h p i s ja

By Jasmine

Hi there. My name is Jasipher and I am a playwright. Since you don’t really know me, I’m here to tell you a little bit about myself!

I am a female. I’m 19 and I love anything to do with plays, like watching all types of plays and writing a few short plays. The reason why I love playwriting so much is because I think it’s fun, entertaining and amazing.

What I hope to accomplish in my future is to write one of the best comedy plays there ever was! Did you know there are many different types of plays, like about the Olympics, about your past, or about comedy, fantasy, medical care and the things around us, like stars?

OK, now to tell you about something other than playwriting.

One of my friends is Jenpho and we love to play with each other when we’re not busy writing plays. I love to pick flowers and berries.

In fact, I’m going to pick some flowers right now. So I’ll talk to you later.

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o jenph

the playwright

By Jenny

Hello, my name is Jenpho and my passion is playwriting. I am going to tell you a little bit about what I do. I’m 21 and I like to write plays about comedy, fantasy and tragedy. I am very funny because you have to have a sense of humour to write comedies. And, by the way, I might be a tiny bit annoying but — . . .yawn. . .

Sorry about that, I am tired. I spent all night partying with my — . . .snore. . .

[1 hour later…]

OMG I’m so sorry, I just fell asleep. OK, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, I love swimming and eating. People say I am the fattest person they ever saw, but I disagree because I’m only 100 pounds. Anyway, I love going to plays with my friend Jasipher — . . .yawn. . .

Anyway, I think that’s all I’m talking about because I am very tired. Goodbye.

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about techno

By Ethan

Hello, I’m Techno, god of technology. You may have heard of Hypno. I really hate that guy — he always puts people to sleep when they could make useful things.

Thanks for sending me all this stuff. I am grateful. I love it when one day in all of the year we have this festival and we get to see each others’ technology.

I wasn’t the only god to invent things. Hephaestus was the god of blacksmiths. Thanks for listening.

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the philosophe o t n h r jo

By Jhonbbe

Hello ladies and gents! I am Johnto the Philosopher and I like to eat pickles! And, especially, I even like to sleep! [Snores.]

Whaa? What was I doing? Oh yeah! My name is Johnto and I am a guy who asks a lot of questions. And I don’t like darkness, it creeps me out. [The lights go off.]

Oh no! Somebody turn off the lights! [Johnto cries.] Please!

God, turn on the lights! I don’t wanna die! [The lights go back on.]

Thank you! Now! Let’s talk a little bit about me. I like to dance. . . [Music plays: “What is love. . . baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more. . .”]

Uh huh! Yeah! This is my jam! [The music is turned off.]

What the. . .? Never mind. OK, let’s talk about the earth. But first, we gotta take a break.

[2 hours later. . .]

Ok, I’m back. Let’s now talk about the earth, and why the weather changes — like, seriously! I am getting cold here in Vancouver, but it’s a cool country.

Let me end with this last question, folks: How big is the earth? OK? Now peace out, bros. Johnto here is out!

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arch t s i ar

us the astrono

By Tijn

mer

Hi, my name is Aristarchus. I am 46 and I live in Florence, Italy, and my favourite food is pasta. I love astronomy — studying stars, constellations and outer space. I am very smart and very antisocial because I study stars every chance I get, 24/seven.

I also love animals. I have two rabbits, one dog and a parrot, but I can never concentrate when he’s blubbering about crackers.

I’ve discovered how the earth rotates around the sun and that the moon doesn’t give light, it reflects it off the sun. And even how meteors fall.

I hate when people don’t believe my astronomy, because it’s true. Only half the people I meet agree with my opinions. I have met one other astronomer in my life — Thales — and he thought that I was right. There. Believe what I say!

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otle's daily Life t l l i w

By William

Hello! This is Willtotle. People say I’m annoying, but I don’t think so. I’m so smart, my IQ is -10.

Just kidding! You actually thought my IQ is -10? I’m a philosopher! I can’t go walking around telling people Zeus burped us humans out! No! Your IQ must be -10!

Anyway, I’m a daredevil. I tried to tell Zeus that he was a jerk, but, long story short, it didn’t end well. I ask questions about everything. Oh wait, that’s why I’m annoying! I am so smart for figuring that out.

People also say I am a crybaby. Oh really?! Punch me, I won’t cry. [wham!]

Why did you punch me? It really stings! Now my whole body is broken! Uh huh uh uh, huh uh uh. . .

[20 minutes later. . .]

Hi! I’m back! Let’s get back on track. Don’t tell anybody, but I 11

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worship every god but Zeus. I eat like a pig, but, surprisingly, I’m not fat! I’m also sporty.

Here’s what I like: I love spending time inside the labyrinth with the Minotaur. Last time we played hide and seek with his axe! He was swinging it wildly. I love bugging Zeus but, as I said, it always doesn’t end well. I like procrastinating. People ask me questions and I pretend I’m thinking. I tell them to go away and let me think. Then I never reply! Ha ha ha.

Wait, that’s why people give me evil glares on the street!

Man, I am smart.

I like playing with fire. I have already burned down the Acropolis twice. I like singing in the shower at night. People say my singing sounds like a shrieking goat. I think I should sign under a record label. . .

[2 days later. . .]

I didn’t get the record deal! My life is ruined. Oh yeah, I’m still a philosopher. I love to eat — I mean gorge — on the food. My favourite is roasted lamb.

My dislikes: I DESPISE ZEUS! When someone mentions his name, I feel like overthrowing him. I hate being wrong — but 70% of the time I’m wrong. I also hate olives.

My question: Why does Zeus hate me?

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hypnos ii

By Eric

Hi, I’m Hypnos II. I’m the god of sleep, kind of like Zeus. But he’s just lazy — I sleep way more. I put people to sleep and give them dreams. I sleep a lot, and don’t confuse me with Hypnos the First, because I sleep way more.

If you are to give me a present, don’t give me food or drink that keeps me awake, or bad mattresses. But I’m usually calm and I’m only grumpy when I wake up. Also, don’t make noise around me when I’m sleeping because the noise will work into my dreams.

Well, I have been awake for too long and I have to go to sleep now. Bye! snore snore snore snore snore. . .

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rogant sir carlmedes r a e ii th

By Carlin

Hi. In case you don’t know who I am because you live under a rock, I am the great inventor Sir Carlmedes the Second, greatgrandson of the almighty Archimedes. As you know, I am super intelligent because of my great-granddad Archimedes. He was the greatest inventor in the world — that is, until I was born.

He created things that were extraordinary in his time, like the Archimedean Screw, which could raise water from a lower level to a higher level. Archimedes also invented the catapult and the crane. He may have been called the “first scientist,” but I will be called the “best scientist.”

Let’s get things straight: I do not like pickles, onions, tomatoes, potatoes, sleeping, fun, exercise, surprises or other people’s

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inventions. I like math, science, books, money, learning and pretty much anything that has to do with work.

So far, I have invented the toilet, which is where people poo and pee. It is then flushed down the toilet by water into the pipes. The feces and urine eventually make it to the sea.

Hopefully no one swims or bathes in the sea. I have also invented the bicycle, the vacuum cleaner and the faucet. But there isn’t much time left, so I will not bother going in depth about my inventions.

In my lifetime, I would like to go to the white circle thing in the sky that comes around at night. I still have millions of things I have planned to invent, but it would probably fill up this whole sheet of paper.

I have already wasted precious time of my life writing this. I’m off to invent more things.

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ufagus the goddess l f f u sn

By Hailey Illustration by Lisa

Hey, it’s me Snufflufagus. I am a 16-year-old girl. Another thing I think I should mention is that I am a goddess. The perks about being a goddess are that I am immortal, amazing, powerful and caring, and I can also be very sarcastic and witty at times. Being a goddess also means I get to mess with you tiny little humans, and I get to choose how the world goes. I know Zeus is a pretty good god and all, but he is a mean jerk. I, on the other hand, am a kind and caring goddess. I have two really good friends, Luna and her older sister Lucina. Luna is an 18-year-old philosopher.

She is an intelligent, beautiful and confident girl. And here’s a fun fact — Luna actually means moon. Luna loves her older sister Lucina, discovering new things, and moon cakes. Lucina is a clever 20-year-old girl. She loves her little sister Luna, bubble tea, and me!

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l

a th ucin

e scientist mathematic

By Jenise Illustration by Lisa

ian

Hello, my name is Lucina and I’m a scientist mathematician. I discover ways to do different kinds of math. I sometimes like to create inventions. It is really awesome being a scientist, trust me.

I really adore a man named Pythagoras. He proved that the rules of geometry were true. Isn’t that awesome? I have studied math my whole life, and it is pretty amazing. I really love math and bubble tea!

I have a younger sister named Luna, which means the moon.

She is 18 years old, intelligent and polite. She is the best sister in the whole wide world. She really loves to eat moon cakes — it is her favourite food. We sometimes fight, but we always forgive each other. We both love discovering things and we both hate failing. We are also best friends with Snufflufagus.

Snufflufagus is a great best friend. She is 16 years old. She always looks out for us from above. She is a great goddess and I bet she is even better than Zeus. You shouldn’t make her mad, because if you do she will turn you into a marshmallow and eat you up.

OK, now it’s time for my incredible sister to talk.

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luna

the philosopher

By Lisa

Hi everybody. My name is Luna and I am an 18-year-old philosopher. In case you don’t know what that is, philosophers are people who study and discover philosophy. Philosophy (which is Greek for “love of knowledge”) is simply trying to explain how the world works, and trying to decide how people should behave and know how society should be ruled. Different philosophers have different ideas. As time went on, different systems or “schools” of philosophy developed.

I have an amazing older sister named Lucina. She is a science mathematician. She adores math and her favourite

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drink is bubble tea. Even if we fight a little, we will always be smart and loving sisters. Lucina and I have so much in common.

For example, we both hate failing and we’re best friends with Snufflufagus because she always makes sure Lucina and I are safe. Snufflufagus is a fantastic friend. Be careful, though. If you make her mad, she will turn you into a marshmallow and eat you.

But she spares me and Lucina. She’s also female, so don’t get her mixed up with a male.

Now, I will tell you about myself. My name represents the glorious moon. I love discovering new ideas that other philosophers didn’t discover. I also love the moon because, like I said before, my name represents it. That also means that I love moon cakes. Some stuff I dislike is failing or having wrong statements. I also hate people who disagree with me. But the thing I hate most is fighting with Lucina.

Special thanks for the viewers and our assistant director, Malala, aka, Molly. I hope you enjoy learning some information about Snufflufagus, Lucina and me, Luna.

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ou gladi

s the warrior

By Mattis

Hi, my name is Gladious (the Second). I am a brave warrior.

Being a warrior is my passion, and I have pledged my life to guarding the Spartan wall. I live in Sparta and I have two children, one boy and one girl. My favourite weapon is a sword named Artimus. He is smooth and he swings through the air fast and very swiftly strikes almost any living body to the ground.

Usually, when our attackers attack us, we have our ground men strike first and the archers shoot from on top of our city walls. When I have time off, I usually go on the hunt or train with my friends. Alexander the Great is my enemy, and he is also our biggest challenge. If or when we fight Alexander the Great, I think we will overthrow him in his sleep.

Once we overthrow Alexander I will take his place and rule.

When I am king I will increase my army and continue to conquer more land and countries. If anyone wants to join my powerful army, surrender and we will accept your defeat.

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goldar

ius the poet

By Jeff

Hi, my name is Goldarius, and I am a poet.

Poetry is art. It’s a form of entertainment that dates back all the way to the 700s. Yeah, that far back — crazy, right? Theatres were built and introduced to the Greeks during the Golden Age. My name is Goldarius, and theatres were built in the Golden Age. Coincidence? Purely, but let’s not lie, that’s awesome.

Anyway, back to the topic. Poetry was the earliest form of Greek literature. There were two types of poems: epic poems that told long tales of heroic deeds, and tragedies — those are kinda self-explanatory. These were the types of plays, also. (I’m a playwright too. Surprise!) Along with comedy, where they made 21

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fun of politicians and important figures. If I dis you, please don’t sue. Lawyers in 750 BC are very expensive.

So now that I’ve talked about my profession, I think it’s time I talked about myself. I was named after the father of the Persian king, Xerxes Darius. And the “gold” in my name is because my mother wanted me to become a doctor so we could be rich.

Doctors are cool, but I’ve always wanted to become a writer, and now that I’m a poet/playwright, I want to become the best poet that ever lived (or playwright, for a second job). And if those don’t work out, I’ll just move to Sparta and become a warrior, under the lessons of Gladious the Second. But I doubt it will come to that. It would be pretty awesome to live in Sparta, though. Yelling “This. Is. Athens!” is pretty lame.

Well, I think I’ve rambled on long enough. Time to come to a close. Hmmm — I can’t think of anything poetic to say, so — sigh — it’s time to join the army.

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es thal

the astronomer

By Dominick

Hello everyone, my name is Thales. I would like to tell you a little bit about myself. I am an astronomer who would like to study more about the universe. My main goal in life as an astronomer is to search for more planets like Earth that have qualities that are needed to sustain life.

I love astronomy, of course, but I also like to draw and study other sciences. The thing I despise most is when people think my theories are wrong and theirs are right. I feel that my theories are right. If you don’t believe in them now, you’ll soon find they might be true.

Anyway, for now I’m stuck here observing the stars and planets through my telescope. Now I have a question for you: Do you believe there are other planets like Earth out in the vast universe?

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t h e ancient greek

By Oriana

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rty for frankolitus a p a the playwright

By Kyle, Jarrod, Filse & Stephanie

place: Cyprus event: A birthday party Frankolitus is watching his servants preparing the food for the guests. There is a knock on the door. Frankolitus opens the door for Jondareous. frankolitus: What is up, Jondareous? jondareous: Happy birthday, Frankolitus! frankolitus: Thanks! Come on in! jondareous: I’ve just come back from conquering! I’ve brought you this thing of wine, but I drank it on the way here. Sorry. But I brought oxen! frankolitus: That’s okay. I’ll just recycle the bottle.

Another knock. Doneous comes in. frankolitus: Greetings, old friend! doneous: Hi Frank. Happy birthday! frankolitus: Oh, Pirethius is here too! pirethius: Hi Frankolitus! Happy birthday!

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doneous: I brought pitas for your party. Party pitas. I was going to bring you drachmas, but I was robbed by thieves by the side of the road! frankolitus: Great! Jondareous, this is Doneous. jondareous: Hi. I’m the king of Sparta! I’m crazy and I love battle, but I give my people the money that I win in war. doneous: I’m the leader of my house in Lebanon, although I rule much land in Greece. I’m a soft-hearted leader, but I have a mean streak. frankolitus: Tell us a bit about yourself, Pirethius. pirethius: Well, I’ve spent my whole life lying on the ground and staring at the stars. What have you been doing, Frankolitus? frankolitus: I am the smartest and the best playwright in Greece, so I’ve been writing tragedies where usually the main characters get punished by the gods. They take place after the Trojan War. I use a lot of masks, too! jondareous: I’d like to see some of your plays. Who are your influences? frankolitus: I love Homer’s epics and Aeschylus’s tragedies.

Who do you leaders look up to? doneous: I look to the heavens for influence, and I think Alexander the Great was . . . pretty good! jondareous: Yeah! He was a great warrior who conquered all the way to Afghanistan and India! frankolitus: And what have you been studying, Pirethius? pirethius: I’ve been using a gnomon instrument to determine when the solstices are and to identify the equinoxes. doneous: How does the instrument work? pirethius: The stick goes in the ground and I calculate the lengths of the days and the years from the shadows it casts. jondareous: That’s very interesting. But, Frankolitus, I have something to tell you. . .

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frankolitus: What? jondareous: You’re under arrest. For thievery! Soldiers! frankolitus: No! I technically stole. . . jondareous: 10,000 drachmas, 500,000 pounds of silver, and 1,000 pieces of gold, to be exact. all characters except frankolitus: Happy birthday!

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greek autograp t n e i hs! nc

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“101 ways to be an ancient greek is the best collection of biographies of ancient greeks i’ve never heard of. a must-read for 2016!”

— sheelagh brothers MORE PRAISE FOR THIS BOOK “will leave you wanting more.” “amazing!” “readers will be hungry for the next book in the series.” “serious fans won’t be disappointed.” “one of the best books in canada.” “a must-read for historians of ancient greece.”