PARENTING COACHES

WHAT ARE THEY, AND DO YOU NEED ONE?

IT SEEMED STRAIGHTFORWARD: have a child and raise it using the vast knowledge of parenting you gained before having said child. Then along comes this kid with her own mind and ideas. This marvelous, smart, sentient being with...demands, love, hostility, kindness and that mouth. Those pre-child notions of parenting are yeeted out the window. Now what? Entering the chat: parenting coaches.

What are parenting coaches?

A parenting coach is someone who serves as a consultant to you in how to navigate the challenges of raising children. They provide tools, training and advice that is specific to your needs. Parenting coaches do not act as therapists or diagnose mental health conditions; what they do provide is practical ways to make parenting less frustrating and more joyful.

For instance, imagine you and your daughter have locked horns about brushing her teeth. You know she needs to keep her teeth healthy, and physically forcing such a thing is ridiculous. How do you move beyond the impasse? That’s where a parenting coach comes in. They might suggest a new way for you to approach the conversation, such as asking your child, “What do you need to do to get ready for bed?” Or, “Talk to me about what you know about keeping our teeth healthy.”

We interviewed two local parenting coaches: Sophie Grow of ProSocial Parent Coaching in Philomath, and Tami Meyers of Passionate Parent Coaching in Salem.

Tami Meyers worked in mental health and education before becoming a certified parenting coach. “I came to realize that counseling kids was more of a bandaid. It didn’t get to the root issues, which is usually the pain and struggle of parents that is passed on to kids,” said Meyers.

Meyers said parents who reach out to her are often “Overwhelmed and struggling with isolation. Parenting can feel lonely,” she said. Meyers specializes in working with parents who have children who might be considered neurodivergent, including parents who have a child with ADHD or who have the condition themselves.

Parenting coach Sophie Grow has a background as a birth doula and parent educator, and she is currently in a graduate program studying infant-toddler mental health. “Coaching isn’t therapy, but it’s an excellent complement,” she said.

“Parenting is both hard and beautiful,” said Grow. “If a child is acting out — what many parents call ‘mischievous’ behavior — almost always what that child really wants is connection.” In her work with parents she focuses on active, compassionate listening and skill building.

So how does it work, exactly?

Many parenting coaches offer individual sessions as well as group sessions, which can be in person, but more likely by phone or video call. You might sign up for a six-week plan of individual coaching which would involve an hour per week, along with some supplemental articles or videos. Parenting groups or circles offer a way to gain insight from peers, with a coach as the facilitator.

Costs for individual coaching can range from $60 - $150 per session. You might pay around $400 for an eight-week session, and less to join a small parenting group. If cost is a concern, ask about sliding scales.

Grow gives thoughtful prompts to her clients, such as “What do you want out of parenting?” Or, “What’s the suitcase you need to pack for your child as they go into life?” She might also draw visuals and share diagrams and analogies.

If a child is acting out — what many parents call 'mischievous' behavior — almost always what that child really wants is connection.

She said that many parents are driven by the desire to be more present with their kids. Sometimes the conflicts that people are scared of having is the opportunity to show up as their best selves. They’ve felt so isolated and have pent up shame around these issues.

Meyers guides parents in exploring conscious parenting. “The focus is on connecting rather than punishing,” she said. “We talk about the struggles that came up over the week, and we work through them. I’ll often ask parents to look at the stories they tell themselves. For instance, I’ll hear a parent say ‘I never made friends and now my child isn’t either.’” Meyers invites them to share that pain, validate it and then challenge the conditions. “Maybe it’s not for you to judge or fix; your child is a different human.”

She also likes to bring in tools to inspire meaningful changes. "It's not a quick fix, it's a gradual shift of awareness."

How do you find one, and what should you look for?

Parenting coaches come from a variety of experience and training. Many have backgrounds in counseling, childhood development and education, and their careers have typically been focused on children. There are certification programs, such as Parent Coach Certification, the Jai Institute for Parenting, and many others. If you seek a certified coach, explore the program they trained in to see if it aligns with your core beliefs and values.

Perhaps you watched that Supernanny show and thought, I’d sure like that British lady to come to my house and tame this wild bunch. It made for good reality TV, but it’s not what you’ll get with a parenting coach. Be prepared to look in the mirror because it’s more about you than it is about your kids. In fact, your children very likely won’t be interviewed or coached at all. Grow said, “It’s all about the parents. Kids are not interviewed or involved in parenting coach sessions.”

Meyers said parents should understand that “Parent coaching is about healing the parent, not fixing the child. It is an opportunity to understand what our triggers are, and why they impact us the way they do…and recognize that when our children exhibit difficult behaviors, they are struggling and need our support the most.”

Most parenting coaches offer a free consultation, to see if you fit. Meyers advised that there is a style of parenting coach out there for everyone, so shop around until you find the one that feels right for you. Choose someone you feel comfortable with in sharing details of yourself and your family’s inner workings.

Finding a parenting coach also depends on if you want someone local or not. Plenty of coaches offer services via phone and video calls, which means you could work with someone from virtually anywhere in the world. If you’re seeking a local coach, ask your friends, your child’s pediatrician or teachers, or hit the internet. We found a few this way, and there’s something to be said for engaging with a coach who knows about local culture and resources.

Sophie Grow

ProSocial Parent Coaching in Philomath

Tami Meyers

Passionate Parent Coaching in Salem