Sacred Sacraments

CW: Mentions of sexism, discrimination, and violence.

True feminism includes ‘women that look like you, women that don’t, and women whose experiences are different than you. That means black women, that means trans women, that means all women.’ — Zendaya

Although the hardships that women currently face are not the same as the 16th or even the 19th century, where a man got a king’s treatment, if nowhere else then at least in their own home, women are yet to be treated equal to men. Equality means cerebral equality, to be given fair chances and opportunities. While women often don’t face as much open discrimination joining workplaces that are traditionally male dominated, nevertheless, many still face heavy discouragement from family and society alike. And to a degree for good reason, as largely women in these professions are still being harassed; sexism is apparently a dark reality of the world. Women’s contributions are deemed less worthy than those of men. Men are still favoured for high-level jobs.

Being a (white) man in colonised Australia has always been considered as the ultimate privilege, no matter if he’s a king or a pauper. Might I add that all genders other than cis men are expected to earn the right to live freely and be respected by successfully passing society’s harsh theatrics - at every step of their life they need to prove that they deserve to be here, are capable of others’ love and trust. As for men, they are bestowed the due respect of a human-being by default through the agency of simply being male. Men would like to believe that if they can overpower women (and non-cis male identities) then they have the licence to do anything. Life for a woman is not easy, whether she is rich or poor. The rich hide the evidence of abuse behind expensive makeup, the poor behind closed doors, ultimately sharing the same destiny. Even now, when a woman dresses up, she is ‘dressed for attention’ or ‘asking for it.’ When will men understand that a woman is only asking for it if she is simply asking for it: verbally consenting?

I hate it when women have that moment of hesitation before speaking because of the threat of violence. I hate the bitter taste in my mouth when I feel like crying due to my helplessness to assist these women. I hate knowing that some women aren’t safe in their own homes. I hate knowing that men seem to think they have the right to hit us whenever they see fit. I hate knowing that I ever took this topic so lightly. Perhaps what people say is true: until it happens to you, you don’t know the pain, the humiliation, the suffering.

And even in this era, the age of so many changes, we still turn our faces away. Even when women of our own family are going through domestic violence, stuck in a toxic environment, it is brushed off as a betweentwo-people-thing because deep down some feel unthreatened because it is not happening to them. They forget that it could be them, and then because silence is chosen over action, no one will come forward in our time of need. Many will walk away from an uncomfortable situation since that is what is deemed ‘normal.’

Strength doesn’t come from standing alone but by standing side-by-side. I’ll do everything in my power to identify and rectify the instances when women are put down, whether it be the butt of a ‘joke’ or a snide remark meant to insult women, whether it be in my own home or at any social gathering. It is my promise to myself that I’ll take as many steps as necessary to make a difference, if only for my future.

Half the time people don’t even realise that the garbage coming out of their mouth is humiliating and misogynistic towards women as it has become so deeply rooted to insult women that it’s almost become second nature. The most common example is ‘wife jokes,’ where women are presented as an annoying, nagging entity.

Why are men’s voices hegemonic? Why does merely a fragment of society get to take charge for all of our lives? Many of you might argue and say that the world is changing, and women are being given rights and have safe spaces to voice their issues. Is that enough? Are you satisfied knowing that your sisters and daughters, friends and partners will grow into a world where women and noncis men are still ‘being given rights’ to speak for themselves by cis men? Do we still need their permission to voice our concerns?

Often, our concerns are twisted and made to sound ridiculous by men in power. Each passing day uncovers another sickening violation against women. These revelations drive me further and further away from people; people who don’t understand where to draw the line of respect and humanity, losing any love, faith, or consideration I had for them.

The time to do something is now, not just by words, but by action. We must no longer be bystanders in our lives or the lives of people around us. There may be instances when things might not work accordingly, times when our voices or actions may not be enough, but remember, even rocks eventually turn to dust.

We must keep trying, a little harder each time, to make a difference. If you can’t do anything for people far away, then do it for your near ones, for your mothers, sisters, friends, neighbours, classmates. Do it for the innocent child in you that was scared of raised voices and big men at night all those years ago.

I’ll never forget my younger cousin’s christening, primarily because I had never heard a child, or anyone for that matter, scream so loudly. And boy I did feel for him. After the not insignificant ordeal of being brought into the world, here he was being presented to a large group of people in a strange building to essentially be ceremonially drowned. And for what? He certainly wasn’t going to remember it.

My now 14-year-old cousin hasn’t so much as entered a church service, uttered a word of prayer, or exhibited any behaviour whatsoever to indicate his Christian inclinations. Yet here he was, having water poured all over his naked body while he wailed in front of everyone that he would go on to know for the rest of his life. It seems unlikely that the christening was really intended for his benefit. Was it really for everyone else either? Five-year old me was mildly disturbed but otherwise bored shitless. I don’t think it would be overly cynical to ask if the occasion really amounted to anything more than a public debut of my Uncle and Aunt’s new-born child.

Except for the fact that there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It’s exciting having a kid and I know if I’d just birthed one, it’d be an occasion I’d want to celebrate with the people I love. Unfortunately, the extent of my religious inclination extends to a worship-like reverence of Richard Dawkins, leaving the probability of conducting a christening for any of my potential children very low. Nevertheless, I certainly wouldn’t be the first non-Christian to christen my child anyway.

To many people, events like these no longer actually hold any religious value at all, yet we continue to partake in them. Marriage in a church, swearing on the Bible in court, the Lord’s prayer being read out in parliament every day, the entire Catholic education system. Despite the fact that only 43.9 percent of Australians identify as Christian (practising or otherwise) and nearly as many (38.9 percent) now claim no religion, Christianity remains sewn into the fabric of our both our day-to-day lives and more special events.

I do not deny the social importance of any of these things; marriage represents an important commitment to many, the birth of a child is also no small feat, nor is the framework of parliamentary procedure. I simply want to understand why we cannot allow these rituals and customs to be independent of Christianity. If you don’t believe in God, it isn’t really all too radical to skip the holy water/ritual drowning and just throw a party when you have a kid.