Up Next: The Rest of Forever

CW: this article contains strong language, brief mention of mental health and brief mention of sexual assault.

Three weeks left of life at ANU. I’m on the brink of graduating. Supposedly, I’m at the culmination point of a three (and a half) year degree. Graduating from university with a bachelor’s degree was always supposed to be such a moment, the hat, the robe and a nice, fresh slip of paper. However, this ‘brink’ that I’m on, feels considerably less significant. I’m a semester overdue and I feel like I’ve already checked out. I feel as though I’ve gotten as much out of ANU as I desired, kicked the goals, had the fun, and ground out a degree in the highlypractical ‘International Relations’. What is this brink? Will graduation be a single, satisfying moment of achievement and celebration, or will it just be a formality, hardly a blip on the radar, of what matters to me?

First year was wild. I learned more about myself in the space of a few short moments than the whole collation of my prior life experiences before stepping through the doors into college. I met such a variety of new and exciting people, had adventures, made memories and chased moments for the sake of a good story. I came in with a bang and I poured my energies into socialising and learning about the people of our campus.

Second year rolled around and I sacrificed the party life for community involvement, growing my skills in organisation, team work, expanding contacts and got a taste for how shit gets done in the ‘real world’. I had a different kind of fun, the fun that comes with responsibility, dedication, results and watching your work come together to create something for others. Second year was when I learned what ‘politics’ actually means. Funny isn’t it? A whole degree focused on studying political science, but only truly understanding it when I was faced with it. Politics is a game of competition, with winners and losers. It can be cunning, malicious, distracting and, at times, seemingly important. It’s not about completing a job at hand, it’s about who completes the job. Some people get involved because they have a capacity to lend a hand and are interested and passionate in doing so. I applaud them if they can fend off the political bullshit with one hand while getting shit done with the other. There are also people who are there for the game and stay for the game. They play with both hands, and they usually win. At the end of second year, I chose not to play.

Third year was a change, I moved off campus, found a girl worth fighting for, and got promptly hit with COVID. Semester One flew by in a blur, Semester Two was drawn out and cold, getting close to the end, but still half a year off. Ultimately, 2020 was a blur.

This year, I couldn’t give a hoot about social anything. I actively avoid gatherings, I have a personal project, I’m breezing through three subjects, I have a plan as soon as I graduate, and I’m three weeks away.

A month or two ago someone asked if I was counting down the days and assignments left. It made me realise that I’m not excited about graduating uni, I’m excited for what comes next. I’m excited for my future of freedom, for not having deadlines in the forthcomings days or weeks or months, for getting out of this wonderful city (I love this place, but I’m very ready to explore somewhere new). I think it’s the difference between looking forward and looking back. ANU has changed me, changed my life, helped me find my niche, introduced me to wonderful people and provided a safe place to explore who I am, and who I want to become. In short, my time at uni hasn’t been about the degree. I grew more through learning about myself, others, and the world around me than I ever could have reading about IR theory. In third year, I think ANU ran out of growth in the areas I was interested in, and I began looking elsewhere. Hence, for me, graduation isn’t the biggest moment -- it’s hardly a moment at all really. The big moments was things like learning about mental health, understanding the prevalence of sexual assault, learning about gender, sexuality, politics, socialism (thanks for the constant harassment SAlt) and so many other things that are integral to understanding ourselves before we can properly see the world outside of the ANU bubble.

Graduating isn’t about closing the uni chapter, it’s about stepping out of the campus safety net and truly tackling what life has to offer!

Or is it...?

Fucked if I know aye.