What Languages Taught Me

Rie Shioya

What do you call yourself in English other than your name? I think most of you use “I” or “me”. I always do so, of course. What about in your mother tongue? For me, I mean, in Japanese, there are tons of ways to refer to yourself, such as watashi (私), watakushi (私), boku(僕), ore (俺), shousei (小生) ... too many expressions to remember!

The choice of words depends on the context: hierarchy, gender… I usually use watashi (私) because I think my gender is female. But if it is a formal occasion, I need to say watakushi (私) to show my respect for the listeners. Male friends might struggle with using different expressions. They can use ore (俺) in casual settings but should use watashi or watakushi (both are 私) for formal occasions. Boku (僕) can be used almost anytime but is not suitable for very formal situations or contexts. Different levels of language have different nuances and cover different roles.

Nowadays, I just want to gain maximum mastery of the languages I’m learning. I want to understand completely what I say and what you say, including each word’s meaning, nuances and contexts. Still, I often struggle with speaking. During my first days in Australia in particular, every moment could make me cry, as I didn’t know the details of the words in English. Is this the right way to say this? Did I hurt you, or did you hurt me? I always asked those questions to myself as I was worried that my words might have wrong or even rude meanings. Also, I feared the uncertainty of the words told to me, as I feared jokes, or being teased at or looked down upon (now I know most of my friends never do so, so I don’t worry anymore).

One of the friends I met just after my arrival at ANU showed a great interest in Japan and is quite fluent in Japanese. This gave and still gives me a wonderful sense of belonging. Even when he told me about his journey to a place in Japan that I haven’t been to, or talked with me probably just to practice his speaking skills, I felt as if I were allowed to be who I really am. No time was better than then to realise that the words I used represented my thoughts, feelings and even who I was. In our conversations, I felt I could use my mother tongue almost exactly as I intended. I felt my thoughts were accepted as they came up, expressed in my familiar words.

Although my studies are unrelated to linguistics I decided to cherish all words. Words can make others feel safe. Like my friend who inspired me, I hope my small language learning steps will bring comfort to non-native speakers and foreigners and make them feel welcome in new places.

この文章は、私の考えの言語化と決意、そして今まで出会ってくれた友人への感謝を伝 えるためのものですが、誰かにとって言語を学ぶことの励ましになったら嬉しいです。 読んでくださりありがとうございました! (This essay helped me verbalise my thoughts and determination to learn languages and show my appreciation for my friend, but I hope it inspires you to learn languages too! Thank you so much for reading!)

Art by Cynthia Weng