Woroni: Edition 2, 2014

Style species of the ANU...

15 LIfe & Style

Why Australia needs the ABC.

Who has the power at ANU? 11 Comment

WORONI

A Penny for her Thoughts?

5 Comment

25 FEBRUARY 2 0 1 4 - NO. 2, VOL 66 - WORONI.COM.AU - T: @WORONI - F: WORONI

Senator Wong during her address last Wednesday.

New ANUSA General Secretary Appointed To replace the one who Bounced away.

Sophie Yates

News Correspondent THE ANUSA Commencement Address furnishes the ANU community with an opportunity to formally and symbolically welcome the beginning of the academic year. Last Wednesday, Senator Penny Wong presented the address and tance of ‘everyday ethics’.

‘Our ability to succeed tomorrow depends on the education we provide today’, Senator Wong deviated to consider personal morals in both a public and individual sphere. The Labor Senator, who confessed her aim was to be ‘meaningful’ rather than ‘funny’, drew upon a parliamentary speech, a public campaign and a personal anecdote to consider the importance of actively making ethical choices in the face of inequality and discrimination, and emphasised how a tertiary education empowers one to stand up against inequity.

Senator Wong referred to comments in fellow Senator Nova Perris’ Closing the Gap report to the Senate in 2014. Particularly, she echoed Perris’ appeal for the community to not ‘just

Questions were opened to the floor following the address, inviting Wong to comment on political issues of climate change, asylum seeker policy and environmental campaigns, and the shaping of her public identity. talk about it; be about it’ and encouraged the student body to take constructive actions in creating societal change.

‘To be about it, a [person] needs an education’.

Referring to her own ‘formative’ years growing up in a marginalised immigrant family in the 1970s, Wong highlighted the effectiveness of outward displays of solidarity in the face of racism. Senator Wong also encouraged students to peacefully campaign for issues that they found important, quoting the warning of Lieutenant General David Morrison: ‘the standard you walk past is the standard you accept’. the address, inviting Wong to comment on political issues of climate change, asylum seeker policy and environmental campaigns, and the shaping of her public identity. It was during this

ANUSA General Secretary, Gowrie Varm

Ben Latham News Correspondent

GOWRIE Varma has been elected as General Secretary of the 2014 ANU Students’ Association ing.

Varma is replacing Ellen Trevanion, who resigned from the position last month due to personal reasons.

Connor Drum, Maureen Weiller and Tom Nock were also nominated for the position.

Candidates each made a two-minute speech

“

Wong highlighted the effectiveness of outward displays of solidarity in the face of racism...

Photo by Janis Lejins.

Young highlighted the successes and advanand changing economic dynamics in the Asian tages of study at the ANU in an academic and century as the biggest challenges facing con- ‘curiosity-driven’ community.

Each year – with the exception of 2013 temporary Australia.

The evening began with an acknowledgment ANUSA and PARSA have invited a keynote speaker to address ANU students and staff with Pickwick, to recognise the traditional owners an inspiring message for the year ahead. The adof the land. ANUSA President Cam Wilson then dress was introduced in 2010 by then-ANUSA introduced Senator Wong as, amongst other ac- President Tully Fletcher. Past speakers have incolades, a ‘nice person’ (a comment courtesy cluded the Honourable Bob Hawke, Chris Tayof contract builders) after Vice-Chancellor Ian lor and Andrew Denton.

ANUSA representatives then voted in a secret erences cast; preference distribution was not required.

and productivity while win ning over the crowd with her instant likeability and humour.

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unfortunate for me but great for you, I guess.

“Let’s not waste time – I’m getting old; my

Varma is currently the treasurer of the National University Theatre Society and unsuccessfully ran for General Secretary in the 2012 ANUSA elections on the Front Row ticket.

“I thought a lot of Front Row’s policies were great, but this team has such an incredible vision I’m happy to come on board and help out how-

NEWS // 2

By The Numbers $ 5.042 billion

TUESDAY 25 FEBRUARY 2014 WORONI

News Briefs Daniel Lynch

The amount budgeted for overseas aid.

Snowden erected to a new role in Scotland Students at Glasgow University have elected Edward Snowden as their new rector, following a student vote this week. The appointment is a powerful political statement by students, but it is unlikely the controversial whistleblower will be able to leave Russia where he has been granted political asylum to assume his post. It follows Snowden’s nomination for the Nobel Peace Prize by two Norwegian politicians last month.

$507,338

spent on The Prime Minister’s salary

$500 million

the cost of the Titanic 2.

Quoted ”You don’t want a wimp running border protection, you want someone strong and decent...

Scott Morrison is strong and decent.”

-Tony Abbott in response to claims against Morrison’s dealings with the death of an asylum seeker.

A collection of news stories from Australia and the world that weren’t covered by the mainstream media.

Wagga beats canberra. Not in VB consumption.

Canberra has been named the second-most family friendly city in the country, according to Suncorp Bank’s Family Friendly City Report for 2014. Based on factors including safety, education, employment rates and community involvement, the poll overwhelmingly favoured regional cities which made up six of the top ten. It was Wagga Wagga that beat Canberra to the top spot.

China launches “baby hatch” program for abandoned infants According to the BBC, China is setting up “baby hatch” centres in every province, where parents can abandon babies to a state-run welfare programme. Abandoning children is still illegal in China, but with over 10,000 babies being left in the streets every year, most of them female and many with serious health problems, the baby hatches may help to save unwanted children who would otherwise be left to die.

‘You wouldn’t let me bring in it alive, so I’m bringing it in dead’ this week, after he brought his dog dead in a bag to court. The assault occurred three years ago when he attempted to bring the kelpie-cross into Newcastle Local Court.

Neknomination: you could be charged with manslaughter Following the death of a young man in Cardiff after he skolled a pint of vodka, lawyers in Wales are arguing such neknominations may justify manslaughter convictions. According to WalesOnline, no criminal investigation is yet underway, but anyone making a neknomination now knows the dare carries serious risks of injury or death, and could be liable for criminal prosecution. The neknomination phenomenon began in Australia, but has exploded in the UK and elsewhere and is estimated

Woroni is published on the traditional lands of the Ngunnawal people.

We pay our respects to their elders past and present.

China’s continued immunity

Editorial Board Editor-in-Chief Fergus Hunter Deputy Editor-in-Chief Areti Metuamate Managing Editor Tara Shenoy Digital Ross Caldwell Print Sam Bradley Print Elena Tjandra Print Lilly Ward Radio Elise Terrell

Hopes of a Spanish prosecution of Chinese leaders for genocide in Tibet have been dashed, after Spanish MPs voted this week to limit the power of its judiciary to initiate proceedings for international crimes. The move followed arrest warrants issued by a Spanish court for former president since the Chinese invasion in 1950. Spanish judges have been famous for exercising universal jurisdiction for international crimes and human rights abuses, most notably in the Pinochet case in 1998.

K-RUDD heads back to uni Former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has been named a senior fellow at Harvard University. Hoping for a more happy career path, the ANU alumnus and ex-Burgmann resident will be leading research on the US-China relationship at Harvard’s Belfer Center for Science and International Affairs, and will be a visiting fellow at the Ivy League Institute of Politics.

Sub-Editorial Team News Daniel Lynch Comment Ben Stilling Features Alice Zhang Life & Style Beatrice Smith Arts Nina Haysler Science Eleanor Campbell Sport Josh Chu-Tan Radio Seth Robinson Radio Polly Mitton Radio Michael Carton Radio Jamie Cole Photos Janis Lejins Design Lauren Cawthron Video Matthew Solomko

84-year old nun sabotages US nuclear efforts An 84-year old nun has been sentenced to three years in prison after she broke into a US nuclear facility. Along with other anti-nuclear activists, she was found guilty of sabotage and damaging serious questions about the security of US nuclear sites and the security contractors have been dismissed.

Olympians love Tindr. Duh. According to the Daily Mail, Tinder has become the main game at the Olympic Village in Sochi. days of serious competition, the increasingly popular mobile dating app has become the sport of choice. However, for any outsiders hoping to get in on the action, US luger Kate Hansen warns: “The athletes I know who are on there are only swiping for other athletes.”

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Journalist’s trial adjourned in Egypt An Egyptian court has adjourned the trial of three AlJazeera staff, including Australian Peter Greste, accused of joining, aiding or abetting a terrorist organisation until March 5. Greste, as well as his colleagues Mohamed Fahmy and Baher Mohamed have pleaded not guilty to all of the charges. They have been detained for more than two months, with the prosecutor stating that the journalists are responsible for the publishing of lies.

WORONI TUESDAY 25 FEBRUARY 2014

Off With a BIG BANG

Bluejuice and RÜFÜS impress at ANUSA’s Big Bang Party

Photo by Ross Caldwell

Rachel Kirk THE annual end-of-O-week party is an event that features in everyone’s diary, partly because it is, without a doubt, one of the more exciting occasions of the university year, and partly because if you’ve got one of those new 2014 ANUSA diaries it’s already printed in there. Whether you see it as a thrilling precursor to the academic year, the last remotely interesting occasion before a week spent listening to lecturers explaining each and every thing in your course guide in pitiless detail, or simply a reminder that the holidays are over and you are, once more, obliged to get up in the morning, the parties are al-

Bluejuice’s frankly insane amount of energy had mad masses of people washing towards the stage in tides... ways memorable occasions. Posters of the event endeavour to make the lineup even more memorable, with the names of the main acts – this year, Rüfüs and Bluejuice – plastered prominently over the campus.

Despite the popularity of the event, when I arrived at the Big Bang Party, shortly after seven o’clock, it was to see only a few small clusters of people scattered over the almost empty lawn. The lesser-known acts of the evening, such as The Steptones, Citizen Kay, and the Yacht Club DJs, were playing towards the beginning of the proceedings. They performed to several listlessly chatting groups and a small band of enthusiasts bracing themselves against the railings

in front of the stage. It was only after it began to get dark that the rest of the keen attendees started arriving, making it there in plenty of time to hear the acts with the biggest names – Rüfüs and Bluejuice. Certainly, both bands were excellent. Bluejuice’s frankly insane amount of energy had mad masses of people washing towards the stage in tides, making colossal amounts of noise as the band jumped on top of their instruments and emptied bottles of water over the crowd. Only a little less appreciation was shown for the far less involved and relatively lacklustre Rüfüs.

However, it does seem a shame that so much enthusiasm and adoration was showered on these bands when other talented acts had performed earlier in the night to far less acclaim.

It is obviously not incredibly surprising that the success of a concert should be based largely upon people turning up to see the best-known acts. These bands were the centre of the party, and were doubtless the key reason for most people’s attendance. All the same, it would have been nice to have seen the local acts receive slightly more attention.

The entry price was, after all, fairly expensive, at least compared to the cost of tickets to the other events of the week, and it covered the entire evening. It seems strange to have been there for a little less than half of the party after having paid for the whole thing. The party celebrating the end of O-week is always greatly anticipated, almost exclusively for the invariably interesting main act of the night. While this cannot be avoided, and, for that matter, clearly shouldn’t be, it would still be nice to see more coverage of the less wellknown but equally crucial acts who help to make the night what it is.

NEWS //3

When I ponder my life beyond studying at ANU, I contemplate the timeless words of Derek Zoolander, “maybe there is more to life than being really, really, really, ridiculously good looking”.

Maybe. For me, if there is more to life than it’s leaving the world in a better state than I came into it. No easy task when our government thinks refugees are a greater threat to our future than climate change. You know what would help sort through these important issues?

Orange mocha frappuccinos!

Isaac is single.

Give him a call on 0447 749 510.

- Isaac Ealing, Mr.ANU 2014

Photo by Janis Lejins

Photo by Janis Lejins

ANU Sport Under-funded at University Games?

ANU Sport & Recreation Association fears funding cuts may restrict student opportunities to attend University Games. inevitably have an effect on the Andrew Feng News Correspondent THERE are reports the SSAF allocation to ANU Sport & Recreation Association (SRA) is in dispute.

In an email sent out to members of ANU SRA last year, Jack Birtwhistle, ANU SRA was asked to ‘scale back its original submission for funds’, writing that the functions of ANU SRA were the student experience’.

The Student Services and Amenities Fee (SSAF) is charged to all students studying at the ANU and is used to provide non-academic services such as counselling, legal support and funding for co-curricular groups and activities.

Each year, the money is divided into amongst the ANU Students’ Association (ANUSA), the Postgraduate and Research Student’s Association (PARSA), ANU Sport and Recreation Association (ANUSRA), ANU Student Media (which publishes Woroni) and a fund called ‘Top Slice’, which

and student counselling, that are used primarily by students.

Competition for a greater allocation of funding is nothing new, and the details of the funding dispute are still unclear, with budget information from previous years currently unavailable.

Funding allocated to ANU SRA is

Competition for a greater allocation of funding is nothing new... clubs, as well as to provide subsidised services such as recreational sporting classes and maintenance of exercise facilities.

Birtwhistle believes the current drawing comparisons between the ANU and other Group of 8 universities to claim that ANU SRA receives below-average funding. This would

provision of services, and the ANU’s capacity to compete at the 2014 University Games to be held in Sydney. ‘[The proposed SSAF] allocation is restrictive in the assistance ANU Sport can provide for student involvement in sport. Particularly those representing the ANU [at the University Games].’

It is unclear how the provision of services will be affected, but it is possible that ANU Sport members may have to cover additional costs, with prices have increased across most sporting clubs this year.

Mick Brady declined to give a comment due to the ongoing nature of the allocation process.

In the most recent allocation proposal, ANU SRA is projected to receive 15% of the total SSAF fund. By comparison, Adelaide University Sport (AUS) is slated to receive 32%, while last year, Sydney University Sport and Fitness (SUSF) received a 30% allocation and Melbourne University Sport (MUS), 19% in 2012.

TUESDAY 25 FEBRUARY 2014 WORONI

NEWS // 4

First Tuckwell Scholars Welcomed to the ANU ple for future scholarship holders”.

Fergus Hunter

dealt a tough hand or a good one.”

Editor-in-Chief

ed as the amount needed to sustain 25 scholar

The inaugural intake of Tuckwell Scholars have projects, Tuckwell poured this large amount of the program.

Speaking with Woroni’s scholarship recipients Marcus Dahl and Jessica

scholarship program itself.

The Tuckwells feel similarly that their donation may inspire future philathropists. version of Bill Gates, he is proud of the fact that

and pot smokers alike, Tuckwell mentioned that

We’ve disagreed with Mr Tuckwell about his influence at the ANU and placed him high on our 2014 Power List, check it out on page 11.

Forrest rang to tell Tuckwell that his own $65 which is a focus of the program. Dahl feels

-

academic mentoring.

Woroni, Tuckwell said

The initial figure of $50 million was calculated as “the amount needed to sustain 25 scholarships a year indefinitely.

Source: supplied

Global audience for ANUx Courses the most interesting questions of modern

Print Editor

ples including the cause of the Big Bang, the

academics Dr. Brian Schmidt and Dr. Paul dian studies course.

The courses will be run through edX, a platform founded by the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and Harvard University in 2012,

cles for his work on the spectra of quasars. diamond, planets with rain made of glass, su

ian.

25 March.

planets discovered so far, this course will ex plore some of the most weird and wonderful

Sanskrit literature, the classical language

, y y e n h r n e t s . n i o , e -

WORONI TUESDAY 25 FEBRUARY 2014

COMMENT // 5

C'est la vie ABC and the Weekly Xenophobia Report is Cancelled

Illustration by Sophie Bishop

Sam Guthrie THE age of entitlement is over! Joe Hockey has scrawled it across the cubical walls in each and every loo up on the Hill, at least once in human excrement. Anthony Abbott’s been forced to tattoo it to his forehead, just in case anyone dares question his passion for the destruction of a diverse economy ever again. And let’s

ERNMENT BY SLOGAN” and throwing cans of SPC fruit at the unsuspecting citizens.

It’s been awhile since I ventured off into the mindfuck entailed by an outside appreciation of the woes and tantrums of the Abbott Government, and there’s just so much to discuss. If you’re looking for extra Christianity in your curriculum whilst accepting less employment, industry, and freedom of information in your country then

George Dubya sniggered with a dirty grin from Texan ear to Texan ear, like a used car salesman who’s just taken you to the cleaners. Having summarily dealt with Rann, and soon to kneecap the once great kneecapper, Beazley, Abbott’s sent out feelers to the States. Rumour has it he’s lining up a new Chairman of the ABC by calling in a favour with senior Republican and Speaker of the House Boner Boehner. Could none other than not forget those backbench lemmings who’re Rupert Murdoch be set to be catapulted over the more than happy to careen around the city in decommissioned Holdens screaming “GOV- shitstained, wet Lib head? Let’s face it: an ABC

Abbott’s statements send a powerful message regarding the commitment of the current federal government to closing the gap

run by the mastermind behind FOX would satisfy the sordid wet dreams of the Liberal Party.

But really, what am I saying, we should be serious about these things; we’re in a state of war, aren’t we? At least that’s what Abbott appears to have claimed on breakfast television. War seems an appropriate response to the cancellation of the clusterfuck which was the Weekly Xenophobia Report. Not only does it make for better television but we’re now closer than ever, what with the consistency of our incursions into Indonesian territory and all.

or just belt your own face against a brick wall for a half hour – both are equally enlightening.

But if war hawks with the mental capacity of lobotomy patients run the government, it’s the Bikers & Builders Union operating out around the other side of the Table of the House. When you consider the hard graft which goes into successfully pushing meth, it’s no wonder that Bill “Labor Cancer” Shorten actually looks the goods to run down Abbott in a term. Although, that’s a slight on bikies: Abbott’s doing most of Shorten’s work for him. The summer break gave me a chance to admire the true, putrid beauty of the Abbott Government racing the long dead McMahon Government to the coveted “Least Functional Government” award - Tom Waterhouse is taking bets with crap odds at a money-hole near

our increasingly violent and self-centred progeny will be instilled with a profound knowledge of Western Civilization, c.f. colonialism, eugenics, the atomic bomb, totalitarianism, McDonald’s, the First World War, and the Second World War. If you wish to learn more about Anthony Abbot, the man who once boasted, the brilliance of the Western ideology you can “This is the worst government in Australian hispick up Cory Bernadi’s new political treatise, Some of My Bestfriends are Gay, but…,

TUESDAY 25 FEBRUARY 2014 WORONI

COMMENT// 6

Abbottsolute Sincerity

Leaky Boats and Sinking Feelings Connor Drum LAST weekend I was watching QandA (my mistake, I know) when Janet Albrechtsen decided to weigh in on the Australian debate over asylum seekers. She claimed that the Australian government’s solution, stopping the boats with what is as close to a brick wall as they can get without actually building one, produces an essentially humanitarian consequence. Because at least asylum seekers aren’t drowning.

Now I know that I am talking to a largely converted audience when I start with Janet Albrechtsen as my piñata, but there is a logical fallacy here, and it actually only really hit me when this

Jordon Morrissey

transcript of the episode: Janet Albrechtsen: This is about stopping the people smuggling model, alright?

Dave Hughes: [Tony Abbott] said it was a good humanitarian outcome, what’s going on now. So, what, do they get to take their lifeboats back to Afghanistan, do they? What goes on? I mean, these people are still Janet Albrechtsen: I think it’s better that people are not drowning at sea. I think that’s a good humanitarian outcome.

Photo by strangejourney under a CC by NC - ND 2.0 licence The exchange is at 45:12 to 45:27 on the iView video recording, for those who are interested. As soon as anyone talks about “stopTHE sixth annual Closing the Gap report was given by Prime ping people smugglers” my hackles are already raised, but that’s a Minister Tony Abbott last Wednesday week. He recalled the distrust of rhetoric more than anything else. I accept that there may impact that Paul Keating’s “Redfern Park Speech” in 1992 had on be some people smugglers out there who are in it for the money at him as a parliamentary staffer, and proclaimed that, “Our failures the cost of human life and dignity. I don’t see how this is any worse than Chinese companies recruiting 457 visa construction workdemonstrative of a man impassioned by a cause and serious about ers, taking their passports and forcing them to live in overcrowded for Australia’s 28th Prime Minister.

The Closing the Gap report is an annual update on the progress of six targets set out by the Coalition of Australian Governments (COAG) in an effort to deal with inequalities between indigenous and non-indigenous Australians. These targets were declared in 2008, and since then the prime minister’s report on ‘closing the gap’ has become an annual tradition.

These ambitious targets, as stated on the COAG’s website,

Abbott’s statements send a powerful message regarding the commitment of the current federal government to closing the gap are to “close the gap in life expectancy within a generation (by 2031); halve the gap in mortality rates for Indigenous children for all Indigenous four year olds in remote communities by 2013; halve the gap in reading, writing and numeracy achievements for children by 2018; halve the gap for Indigenous students in Year 12 (or equivalent) attainment rates by 2020; and halve the gap in employment outcomes between Indigenous and other Australians by 2018.”

While some of these targets are on track to be met, literacy, numeracy and employment targets are not. Mr Abbott points to poor school attendance as a major cause for these failures, and cites indigenous leaders as sources for this observation. It is easy to see why poor school attendance would have long term detrimental consequences for indigenous communities, which suffer from this problem disproportionately.

of which has generated any media or government attention at all, conditions of war and persecution. Robin de Crispigny’s The People Smuggler is a very good account of this, if you don’t trust my scummy pinko credentials.

The assumption underlying Albrechtsen’s argument here is that who either wait for processing, or maybe wait it out at home.

The fact is that we are not talking about a litter of puppies that have been put in a sack with a brick, and that might have escaped drowning if only they had been given to the RSPCA for rehoming.

Puppies given over to the RSPCA tend more often to get euthanised; and while I am of course not suggesting that the UN is killing refugees they can’t get rid of, the essential point in both cases is that refugees and unwanted animals stay in captivity because someone has to want them, if they’re going to get out. The Australian government clearly doesn’t want refugees. If there’s little to no chance of being wanted, and escaping a life of semi-incarceration, why wouldn’t you try the back door instead? It is because they don’t want them that we see Scott Morrison resorting to thin arguments about “economic refugees” in an attempt to convince everyone that they really didn’t need to come here anyway.

Most refugees who cross through several national borders risking famine, separation, incarceration and death are not doing this

on the off-chance of higher wages in Australia. To me, this line of thinking sounds eerily similar to American commentators during the 1840s. They decried the immigration of Irish refugees from the potato famine as both a new wave of unskilled labour unequipped to support itself in the America of the day, and as a clear and present racial threat. It didn’t help that the most obvious thing to such Americans about the Irish was that they had been sponsored by the British government in their hundreds of thousands to fuck off and die somewhere else. Nor do asylum seekers take these incredible tion and have the chance to convert exactly no one to the cause of violent jihad.

... they attempt this nigh suicidal journey because if they stay at home they will be killed

Mostly, they attempt this nigh-suicidal journey because if they stay at home they are going to be killed. That or their families are going to be killed, or split up after the deaths of some family members, and the fate of children in such a situation is anyone’s guess. If they choose to go to a refugee camp, they’re looking at at least six years just hanging around waiting for some overworked UN caseworker to get around to them. At this point, their children will be sent to a country where they like as not won’t know the language and will receive minimal education. These are the kinds of situations that produce a life of poverty people like Albrechtsen simply cannot imagine. That’s if they don’t commit suicide out of sheer despair, or someone in a gigantic camp with its own hierarchies of

My point is not so much that refugees are dying, or being sent to die somewhere else as a result of government policy. Neither is it that people like Janet Albrechtsen are paid upwards of $250,000 per year to spout the kind of bullshit that sends fertiliser factories out of business. It’s that it took a white person being wrong on TV, after I was already keyed up for self-righteous umbrage by discussion of The Daily Telegraph for me to wake up and realise that this situation is absolutely indefensible. I didn’t care that much about refugees before this episode. I understood intellectually that what was being said by the Liberal Party (and the Labor Party) and their supporters was wrong. But that’s not the same as the gut realisation that people are dying needlessly, or being incarcerated for years on end without

doing nothing.

As a result, much to my surprise, I have decided to go to the next meeting of the ANU Refugee Action Committee. I’ve been asked to before. I have said “probably”, and then conveniently forgotten that this organisation even exists. But this is not good enough. Someone who claims to speak with my voice is shouting loudly across the

full; and you were going to die anyway.” The genteel phrasing of a “humanitarian solution” is fooling nobody. If you’re concerned as well, come along to Union Court on Monday the 25th at 12 pm. If you’re not concerned, listen very hard to the aspects of this debate

nounced a seventh target: “to end the gap between indigenous claims that resolving this issue - achieving 90% attendance at every school regardless of indigenous population - would be a large step toward achieving the COAG targets that are currently lagging behind. This initiative was strongly supported by Warren Mundine, former ALP national president and current chairman of the Prime Minister’s Indigenous Advisory Council.

Leader of the Opposition, Bill Shorten, in his reply address emphasised bipartisan support for the goals stated in the Prime Minister’s address, and advocated more sweeping constitutional dum statement by September.

Abbott’s statements send a powerful message regarding the commitment of the current federal government to closing the gap.

It is reasonable to interpret the actions of politicians as political posturing, or in this case to capitalise on a particular demographic.

However the Prime Minister since entering parliament in 1994 has spent his own time, outside of his own electorate, volunteering with indigenous communities. This time was spent performing a importantly as someone in parliament willing to listen. After two decades of enthusiastic service and engagement with indigenous communities, it may be giving too little credit to consider the Prime Minister’s motivations political rather than personal.

“

The genteel phrasing of a “humanitarian solution” is fooling nobody.

Source: Library of Congress

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WORONI TUESDAY 25 FEBRUARY 2014

COMMENT // 7

Just Another Day in Absurdistan, FLA Gus McCubbing

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gonna kill you,’ and was trying to open his door to

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Michael Dunn, 47, shot Jordan Davis, 17, dead in a parking lot after allegedly complaining to him and his friends that their “thug music” was Zimmerman was recently acquitted for shooting to death Trayvon Martin, a black teenager carrying only Skittles and juice on him at the time. So with at least two racially-fuelled slay-

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of genocide. conclusion after four days of deliberation. The New York Times reported that the jurors found Dunn “guilty of three counts of second-degree attempted murder for getting out of his car and utility vehicle in which Jordan Davis, 17, was killed.”

“Three other teenagers, the subjects of the attempted murder charges, were in the car but the vehicle even as it pulled away.”

These three attempted murder convictions could result in Dunn being sentenced to 60 years in prison. However the jury’s inability to decide whether Dunn had acted to protect himself or was guilty of murder resulted in the Judge Healy calling a mistrial. people who say they feel threatened to use lethal force to protect themselves, without any requirement to evade or retreat from a dangerous situation.

As The New York Times reported, Dunn told jurors that “Mr. Davis had pointed a shotgun at him from the window of the Durango, threatened to kill him and then tried to get out of the car. It was only then…that he reached into his glove box, unholstered his 9-millimeter pistol, The prosecutors argued that Dunn had in fact “fabricated his story about the shotgun to bolster his self-defence claim”, as the police “never found a shotgun, and no witnesses ever reported the car, the prosecution consolidating this argument with the fact that no one ever shot back at Dunn.

However, as Dunn’s lawyer, Corey Strolla told Rolling Stone, “I don’t have to prove the threat, just that Mike Dunn believed it. This is a family man who never had a violent incident in his life, who acted because of words said by Jordan Da-

ernor Jed Bush back in 2005. The New York Times reported that it was sponsored by Representative “lobbied hard for the bill’s passage”. Baxley declared, “It’s a clear position that we will stand with victims of violent attacks when the law is in their favour…People want to know we stand on the side of victims of crime instead of the side of criminals.” his support of the bill by arguing that when people face life-threatening situations, “to have to retreat common sense.”

However, in an agonizing twist of fate, The New York Times reported that immediately following Miami’s police chief, called the measure “unnecessary” and “dangerous”. He continued, warning that the bill could make gun owners, perhaps drunk or suffering road rage, assume they have “total immunity”. “You’re encouraging people to possibly use deadly physical force where it shouldn’t be used.”

And yet the alarm bells of sanity fell on deaf ears.

NRA’s executive vice-president, intended to introduce the bill to every state, “start[ing] with red and mov[ing] to blue”. How did the NRA’s clear agenda to have more people carrying (and therefore buy-

Money is State Politics detailing that the gun lobby gave $2.7 million to state lawmakers in between as A&M University has shown that in states with up to 9 per cent. Meanwhile, as The Age reported, the NRA believes that the greatest danger to Americans are what it calls “gun free zones”—places where it is illegal to carry guns, such as schools, churches, bars and restaurants.

Understandably regular folks are going to get shot by mad folks when one can purchase guns without any background checks at gun fairs. However the legislature has enabled these killers under the guise of increasing public safety, and now the judicial system can no longer hold these mad folks to account, instead perversely inspiring a sense of time soon, the nightmare advocated by LaPierre

Photo by Alan Cleaver under a CC by 2.0 license

TUESDAY 25 FEBRUARY 2014 WORONI

COMMENT// 8

In Defence of Gen Y Men

Linsey Hart

women don’t need to lie at their partner’s feet every night and thank them for doing the same BABY boomers and Gen Xers make up the job women have been doing for hundreds of majority of the professional workforce, especially generations. It’s just normal. the upper echelons. That will change very soon, Point 3: Gen Y men don’t see women in leader but up until now, there have been a lot of articles

expectant and obnoxious us Gen Yers are. And because they haven’t found it ridiculous thus far to make generalisations spanning millions of peo ple, across many continents, with various cultures and languages, today I too will throw rationality to the ether in order to speak up in defence of Gen Y men*. Don’t get me wrong, Gen Y women are phenomenal too, but I think women through out history have been quite incredible; (white) men, not so much.

Point 1: Gen Y men cook and clean (or at least they don’t expect their lovers to do it all for them) without waiting for a standing ovation.

Relatively frequently, men a generation or two older see my boyfriend doing things around the house or, god forbid, him cooking dinner with me nowhere in sight. Often these older men point out to me how lucky I am to have said boyfriend and that I really need to be more appreciative. On these occasions, my boyfriend smoothly changes

before I can mutter various comebacks involving chains and slavery.

Point 2: Gen Y men will step back from their own ambitions to support their partner’s endeav ours.

I know several Gen Y men who have moved cities or countries for their lovers. I know Gen Y men who have put their careers on hold to support their partner’s career, including being a

And, most importantly, it’s not a big deal.

No one needs to shout it from the rooftops. The

Gen Y men cook and clean (or at least they don’t expect their lovers to do it all for them) without waiting for a standing ovation... ship as a threat.

If Gen Yers were in charge of media, no one would have been talking about Julia Gillard’s box. What the hell is a box anyway? Does Gillard move house often? Or does she have a particular attachment to a range of material goods that she carries around in a cardboard container, invoking the tittering of others who think she should be using a wheely suitcase?

Point 4: Gen Y men are easy to talk to.

My male friends will happily chat about most things ranging from the mundane to the gross, the personal, the confusing, the intellectually stimulating and back. I have never felt patronised same of older men.

Point 5: Gen Y men are better in bed.

A sex worker told me so.

No, really. It’s true. * This article is of course based on the pre socially aware crowd I hang out with.

The author blogs at linseyhart.wordpress.com

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get caught up in #qanda every Monday, but be aware that you might get replies from randoms who disagree with your politics. Having said that, the randoms are often the most interesting people on Twitter. You’re brought together by shared (or

WHEN it comes to social media, I dabble. I’m on Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr, and I like each in you’ve got someone to talk to. its own special way. For accessibility to anyone Be careful with your new friends though. Al and everyone though, I can’t help but love Twitter though internet etiquette is still new for some people, you should probably treat people online with the same respect you would show them when demics and everyday people are all on Twitter, talking face to face: disagree if you want, but po which gives you a huge group of people with litely. There are too many instances of people get which to talk and discuss issues. Second, the ting caught up in their anonymity and releasing character limit means that anything you write has to the internet a stream of horrible discrimination to be concise, but it’s still long enough that you and madness. Conversely, if you see a tweet you can explain thoughts, tell jokes, share informa think is pretty great, let the tweeter know. tion and get angry at people who are wrong on the You want to show your support for your fa internet. And third, you can talk about whatever vourite footy team? Go for it. You want to share the hell you want and, with only the judicious use photos of funny stuff you see in the street? Be my of a hashtag or two, connect to the other people guest. You want to join in on online campaigns around the world talking about that same thing. by adding your tweets to the crowd? Absolutely.

Compared to the longstanding social network Do you just want to vent about politics, student of Facebook, there’s a casualness about Twitter life, crap stuff on the news or anything else that that makes it much more fun. Although Facebook makes you angry? Let me tell you, if you’re angry events are great for catching up with your friends, (or happy/disappointed/confused/troubled) about they also mean that you’re stuck with the same it, so is someone else. Twitter gives you access viewpoints and topics a lot of the time. Twitter to over one hundred million other active users lets you interact with anyone else who has an ac every month, so go on, give it a go. You might have some fun. ple who are interesting to you. And although a to matter, as always when communicating, it’s the ideas that really make it work. like the rest of the internet, you need to be care

WORONI TUESDAY 25 FEBRUARY 2014

FEATURES // 9

Australia's Refugee Policy: A Collective Failure

The adverse effects of the presence of offshore de“tention facilities on the fabric of their host countries is beginning to become apparent...

Brendan Forde LATE Monday night, on the 17th of February, Australia’s system of mandatory detention of refugees began to disintegrate. During a second night of demonstrations by detainees at Australia’s centre on Manus Island, Papua New Guinea, a situation developed resulting in the death of one detainee and the injuring of seventy sevof what occurred. Competing and contradictory accounts have appeared but some key details and protesting detainees. Over the course of the incident some detainees escaped. According to advice provided to the Immigration Minister, Papua New Guinean police responding to the worst incident of violence in the history of Australia’s offshore processing of refugees. It demonstrates the utter failure of the system of mandatory detention and offshore processing.

In recent times Australia’s policies towards refugees have become both fraught and deplorable. Something which should have been relatively straightforward has become one of the great consuming political issues of our times; less a political football than a poisoned chalice. and considered debate on the formulation of the best possible policies to keep refugees safe while in transit and the best possible policies to uphold and respect the rights of refugees,

Photo by Usually Melanchology under a CC by NC - SA 2.0 licence the act of seeking asylum has been effectively criminalised. Blatantly ignoring the responsibilities imposed upon us by international agreements which were freely entered into, Australia resembles less a progressive liberal democracy and more a fringe dwelling pariah state. Our Immigration Minister, presented with the task of managing a massive enforcement infrastructure incorporating elements of the military, has become more like a minister for national security, responsible for defending our borders.

The key feature of the recent debate over refugee policy has been the number of “boats”, that is the irregular vessels which carry the refugees from Indonesia to Australia. Instead of appealing to the best intentions and altruism of the Australian people, successive governments responded to the arrival of refugees with the blunt tools of coercive policy while building support for their actions by generating fear and antipathy. In short, the Australian government failed law.

Success in refugee policy has been measured in the number of boats prevented from reaching Australia. It is true that this particular transit has been dangerous for refugees. A number of boats have sunk and many lives have been lost. It is true that punitive policies towards refugees have been popular among sections of the Australian community. But in the course of voicing our righteous outrage over the attempts of refugees to seek asylum in Australia, while publicly doubting the veracity of their claims to

be “genuine” refugees, we forgot that these people were entitled to the same protections as the the facility have directly affected the domestic rest of us. We rationalised our support for these politics of Nauru leading to a judicial crisis in which a magistrate and the Chief Justice (both despite committing no crime. In the course of Australian citizens) were removed and expelled being caught up in the fear of refugees we for- from the country. In the case of Manus Island, got that they were human beings. In effect, we the presence of the detention facility has caused dehumanised them. We failed in our basic duty great consternation among the local community, the full implications of which have yet to unBy placing detention centres in developWe cannot measure success fold. ing countries unsuited to hosting such facilities Australia has placed an undue burden on both in policies towards refuPapua New Guinea and Nauru. The adverse efgees based on the number fects will likely be felt for some time. of boats turned around or We cannot measure success in policies towards refugees based on the number of boats stopped turned around or stopped. Refugees resort to violence because they have been detained of citizenship to hold our leaders to account and without any concrete hope of timely resettlefailed our basic humanity in our lack of com- ment. They have sought out Australia because passion for refugees. they believe our values place a premium on the Despite the nomenclature used by the author- protection of human rights. Perhaps they were ities, “transferees” are detainees. The detention mistaken. Many of us have stood by as policies facilities, whether onshore or offshore, have al- have been introduced inimical to values of deways experienced episodes of violence. The ad- cency and human rights. The incident on Manus verse effects of detention on the mental health Island is a clear demonstration that the policies of refugees has been established. The adverse of mandatory detention and offshore processing effects of the presence of offshore detention fa- have failed. A new solution must be found, one cilities on the fabric of their host countries is which upholds the rights of refugees and one beginning to become apparent. Apart from the which does not drag our nation into disrepute. detention facility on Manus Island Australia Future generations of Australians will look back also maintains a facility on the island nation of in horror at these policies and we will be conNauru. In July 2013 detainees rioted and much demned for failing to stop them. That failure infrastructure was destroyed causing great dis- should now cease.

TUESDAY 25 FEBRUARY 2014 WORONI

FEATURES// 10

Cuts to Higher Education - Let's be Realistic

Jim Chicago

Grow up the real,

Start living in the real world.

This is how the real world -

works

produces

want kind of like

.

-

-

-

reality they are the dreamers

Cutting higher education is not just about saving money, it directly serves the interests of a government which, more than any other government in our history, is tied to the perpetuation of the status quo

“

We’re expected to work day in and day out for numbers on a screen

–

-

time,

-

-

bad

-

-

, ,

-

-

-

-

-

-

we’re just being realistic -

WORONI TUESDAY 25 FEBRUARY 2014

FEATURES // 11

TUESDAY 25 FEBRUARY 2014 WORONI

WORLD// 12

Wellingtown. A Manifesto.

Elise Horspool WELLINGTON is a little bit like Canberra in some instances, capital city of its own country but dwarfed by other cities in population and size. Without open rivalry, Wellington and Auckland seem to be trying to hold on to the title of the coolest, hippest and most cultured city in New Zealand. Despite being the home of the Beehive and John Key Wellington, as labelled by Lonely Planet, is definitely the ‘coolest little capital in the world’.

This is the second time I’ve ventured down south to meet our Kiwi brethren. The first time was during the organised mayhem of the first Hobbit film premiere in Courtenay Place. Even then with its population swollen by 110%, it still felt like a cool little niche at the bottom of the world. I endeavoured to return and explore it more without the red carpet and crazy Lord of the Rings fans.

This time I stayed with an AirBnB (www.airbnb.com) couple on the bustling indie pedestrian street of Cuba.

Everyday I passed the quirky, albeit malfunctioning ‘Bucket Fountain’ as it showered unaware passers-by and challenged Canberra for silliest street art. I easily spent several hours per day just wondering around the Cuba district listening to talented buskers and checking out all its unique shops. By far the greatest of these and became my second home was the second-hand bookstore on Manners street, the Arty Bees bookshop.

“

Many of the other places that I found genuinely refreshing were off the tourist track.

Photo by Rob Suisted Not only were the books cheap it contained a wide variety of genres, and the staff were extremely friendly.

I spent a good hour in there chatting away with them about Julia Gillard, New Zealand literature and whether they had read every book in the store. It was here that I bought a wealth of New Zealand literature that could rival the likes of Tim Winton for depth of context of its country.

Many of the other places that I found genuinely refreshing were off the tourist track. Although in brochures and advertised, the eco-sanctuary of Zealandia is tucked away high above Wellington and was virtually empty the day I went. For hours you can walk through the peaceful landscape with a high chance of spotting endangered New Zealand wildlife up close. It was just a quick cable car and shuttle bus ride off the busy Lambton Quay.

Although firmly on the tourist track because of its fame as home to Peter Jackson and the studios that made the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings, Miramar is also a hidden gem. Miramar is the furthest peninsula and here you can wander around the quiet suburb almost unaware that behind doors they are making movies. While I was at Weta workshop poking around, a rather nonchalant Sir Richard Taylor (responsible for all the props in LotR) popped up and when I ate lunch at the Chocolate Frog café, Alan Lee (Conceptual artist for Tolkien books and movies) was sitting at the next table!

However, despite Miramar being known firmly as Wellywood or home to Middle Earth, it is also home to wonderful, generous people. The Wellington buses were a little confusing and I found myself in a garden centre asking for directions. Not fifteen minutes later as I sat at a bus stop, one of them came running up to me asking if I would like a lift to the beach! From here Sue drove me around to Lyall Bay, all the way chattering on about Wellington and pointing out interesting things like being able to just see the South Island below the clouds. Her warmth and generosity blew me away. Following her advice, I ate at the famous local lifesavers café, the Maranui overlooking the Cook Strait while reading one of my books as planes flew loudly overhead from the nearby airport.

My last days in Wellington were filled with bitter sweetness, I was keen to get home but I felt like there was even more of Wellington to explore. Kiwi accents washed over me as I walked the harbour waterfront through the crowded Sunday markets, eating duck oil fried potatoes and later sitting on a pebbled beach. The slogan that the city has carried since the 80’s fits it perfectly, ‘Absolutely Positively Wellington’. Wellington is a city that I could not only visit, but a city I could live in.

WORONI TUESDAY 25 FEBRUARY 2014

WORLD// 13

Manchester Raincheck Hillary McArthur WHEN people heard I was heading to the University of Manchester on exchange this semester, I heard three common reactions: 1) That’s the rainiest city in the world! 2) Are you only going for the football? and 3) I’ve heard the food there is disgusting.

One British exchange student at the ANU informed me that all other Britons refer to Manchester as Mankchester. I left Australia a little confused but determined to love it.

When I arrived at my residential hall, the residential assistant guiding me to my room asked, “Why do Australians always choose to go to places with terrible weather?” I can confirm that it has rained every day so far. There are, however, many positives that I feel have derived directly or indirectly from this characteristic of Manchester and the UK in general. Centuries of living in such conditions has forced indoor entertainment to evolve to the point of brilliance. This has led to the birth of many fantastic musicians (Oasis and The Smiths were formed in Manchester, and the Beatles in Liverpool), and the music scene here is superb. Artists are actually willing to come and perform here, many even to my uni. It has also resulted in wonderful geniuses (Stephen Fry, obviously. Also lots of Nobel prize winners), British humour, British TV and film, British actors, British art, and a determination to party no matter what. I have found that people here will travel through the cold and rain with no coat, stand in a long line, pay a cover charge, then proceed to dance until 6am…and do this many times a week. I joined them to see if this wasn’t as ridiculous as it seemed. I can conclude that it is ridiculous, but I’ll probably do it again.

As for football, if it pains anyone else to see the word ‘football’ used instead of ‘soccer’, I am right there with you, but sadly it is called football here and so football it is if I want to make friends. Manchester’s football obsession truly revealed itself when I saw the first official football rule book being sold in the shop of Manchester’s finest library, amongst books on Shakespeare and other deliciously classy things. (This was the John Rylands library and is an architectural delight built in the late 19 th century. It has a number of impressive collections, most notably the oldest fragment of the New Testament. Definitely worth a visit and I look forward to studying in it)!

The iconic food here is apparently the Flapjack. I arrived thinking this was a type of fish (I think my brain heard Flathead?) but was greatly relieved to find that it was a dessert. Then I was disappointed again when I actually ate one and realised it’s a glorified ANZAC biscuit in the shape of a muesli bar.

But Manchester has overcome this initial setback by proving to be quite the treat. There is a section of town lovingly referred to by all Mancunians as Curry Mile. Nothing is metaphorical about this; it is a heavenly mile long section of the main road packed with Indian and Middle Eastern restaurants.

Further along this same road I have also had the best milkshake and fast food (naan, chips, cheese and salad…this is the dream combination) of my life. I think this highlights how multicultural Manchester is. Manchester also has the third largest Chinatown in Europe, and the crowds for the Chinese New Year fireworks were so packed I couldn’t step out of the restaurant I had dinner at.

Manchester has presented some challenges I hadn’t considered. Apart from the painful exchange rate, the coins themselves have taken me some time to get used to. The shared feature of the Queen’s head meant I was lulled into a false sense of confidence. There are also subtle differences in language. Here, “Are you alright?” means “How are you?”. It took me a week of thinking I looked ill or upset before I worked this out. “Fit” means “attractive”, not physically healthy. Some slightly socially unacceptable moments happened due to miscommunications in this area.

I’ve heard some unexpected perceptions others have of Australia. It seems the TV show Border Security has made a big impression here because Australia’s strict quarantine enforcement is often brought up. I was also told that Australians really know how to party – awkwardly this put me under a bit of pressure because this was said to me at the start of a house party. Apparently the Swiss believe Australia has plastic money so we can go surfing with it. What surprised me most was said by my German friend, who told me that Aussie men are behind in terms of their idea of a woman’s place in the house.

I assured her this wasn’t true, but cheers Tony for that one.

I feel very lucky to be able to go on exchange. Being lectured to by a British accent has the wonderful effect of making me feel extremely intelligent. People have been very kind and I’ve had great conversations at hostels, pubs, at dinner, and in various student accommodations. I’ve seen Wayne Rooney play, gone on a weekend trip to Paris where I saw the Vienna Philharmonic Orchestra perform, to Dublin, London… and there are many other experiences a cheap flight away. I have felt so many feelings, and I have my family, friends and mentors to thank for getting me through it all.

TUESDAY 25 FEBRUARY 2014 WORONI

LIFE & STYLE//14

Aggression. Good or bad?

Prof. Love (AKA Gary Leigh) Each edition Prof. Love will seek to answer your questions on tahe discipline of romance.

AT the Burgmann Toga Party, I met a lot of people whilst doing some “research” and there was an interesting trend occurring. The trend was that a lot of guys simply had no idea about how to be aggressive enough to capitalize on indications of interest. Even the most blatantly obvious cues, such as when a gal drunkenly fumbles her way into a guys arms or when the two of them are just bopping in one spot in the “never ending conversation loop” or the rooky “interview in the crowd”, the guy wasn’t making the right moves, much less closing the deal.

So what is aggression, in the dating sense, and how do you utilise it? Well it doesn’t mean ‘to be mean’, pushy rude, abusive or anything like that; it is an essentially controlled emotion which drives your intent in the form of physical actions.

Simply put, it’s just “going for it”. What did that mean at the Toga Party? Simply wrapping your arm around the other person, taking them in for a dance, holding of the hand, or just go straight for

the kiss. But please, just not directly in front of the toilet, for many reasons Finally, to the lad whom I showed the ropes, I hope you had a great night of success. Don’t forget the basics, in terms of being aggressive, get a handle on how you feel in the moment; know what you want, what your intent is, and just go for it.

Prof. Love answers your questions: Question 1: Q~ Prof, I spoke to heaps of girls all O-Week, but nothing happened. What’s the story? I thought O-week was a fertile feeding ground?

A~ Trying not to face palm here, but I’m going to assume you’re still getting the hang of things.

You probably should read my previous LOV3001 column for tips on aggression and keep going through the numbers. Remember this, perfect practice makes perfect.

Question 2: Q~ Love Doc, what the hell man, she was giving me all the signs all week but when I made a move she wasn’t interested! What went wrong here?

A~ One of two things either, she wasn’t ready for it herself, or you’re timing was wrong. I’m going to take it you didn’t give it a second try?

Remember, persistence can sometimes be the keymaybe you’re just not pressing her buttons. If not, move on.

Question 3: Q~ What’s up Doc? I made a shit-tonne of friends during O-week and hooked up with a couple of people, but they really arn’t the best people.

A~ Is the question what’s up? Or what I think of the not so good people? Dude, learn to let go of bad friendships and bad relationships, it’s not worth it. As for what’s up? Kicking ass and taking names.

HOROSCOPES with the Retrograde Mystic

Image by H.Koppdelaney

ARIES

CAPRICORN

This is a time of discovery for you, Capricorn, due to Saturn’s blazing presence in the dining room of your 5th house. Mostly, you are discovering how alone you are. Although on the surface you may seem to be the most popular kid at school, under-

Adorable Aries, you may think you’re the life of the party but your O-week shenanigans have really given you a bad reputation (one you actually give a damn about). Do some damage control – allow yourself to be seen when you’re not on the verge of throwing up or ludicrously hungover, scream- bit lonely. Play your video games while beginning ing, “THERE’S A GREMLIN IN MY BRAIN” – some serious introspection with Lana Del Rey as your soundtrack. You got some summertime sadand things should start to look up for you. ness, but remember that you are still young and beautiful.

CANCER

Your streak of continually making poor life deciLIBRA sions will hopefully be coming to an end someLibra’s life is starting to look up! The stars have time this week, Cancer. Try to avoid over drinking aligned allowing you to begin focusing on your and shyly running away from beautiful men and women. Work on building up your self-esteem, no-one is too beautiful for you. emy on a Thursday night. Or you could try Tinder.

GEMINI

SAGGITARIUS

Your temperament may be a little unbalanced this week, Gemini. This is due to your restless adapta- This week’s all about feasting for you, Sag. tion to the inanity of every day university life. You Whether it’s staying in and concocting a delicious rounded O-Week and more often than not will be hipster café in town. Indulge yourself, but make sure to hit the gym to keep off those pesky pounds! asking for drinks every night. Instead of destroying your liver, try to redirect your boredom to deAQUARIUS veloping your skills in the bedroom.

LEO Leo, over the summer people may have noticed that you have suddenly become more attractive. lows you to become more promiscuous. Be careful not to let the number of girls and boys throw-

has given you a brazen edge. This has not been helped by all that O-week liquid courage you’ve been consuming and has led to a few embarrassing incidents. For future reference, no matter how good you feel about your body, skinny dipping in your neighbor’s pool is not acceptable (or appropriate. Or legal).

VIRGO though, as Mercury’s going to gate crash this party with a good old fashioned reality check.

The year begins with not only the turn of a leaf, but the turn of a tree full of leaves. As you open ones behind you. Make sure you stalk down

WORONI TUESDAY 25 FEBRUARY 2014

Ellen Trevanion

Style Species of the ANU 3.

1.

2.

Hipstera artus

Sneanus physicarna

Loren Ovens

Florus developmentus

6.

Hoodus mathus

Jockus engineerus

Pretencionis lawis

4.

5.

FeBROary

I know people who celebrated Galentines Day (although officially this occurs the day before V-Day) and enjoyed brunch together, celebrating their female friendship...

LIFE & STYLE// 15

TUESDAY 25 FEBRUARY 2014 WORONI

LIFE & STYLE//16

Dubai Bites the Dust Evelyn Lazanas

AGAINST a desert skyline that has erupted in just 2 decades, Dubai is a cautionary tale about what money can’t buy; a culture. After gorging on the Viagra of easy credit, the emirate has the world’s tallcenaries and Asian emperors maintain their gaudy appearances, the legacy of oil in Dubai has made everything worthless and the disorientated local population completely impervious to any sense of economic reality.

The only way to make sense of Dubai is to never forget that it isn’t real. It’s more comparable to a fable; the Arabian Nights, for instance. Dubai is Las Vegas without the showgirls, the gambling or Elvis. boils, it’s humid and the wind is made of sand. The echoing marble halls of the airport are big enough to accommodate the population of Lithuania. Dubai suffers from chronic giganticism – a national inferiority complex that compulsively has to make everything the biggest.

Outside, in the sodden heat, you pass hundreds and hundreds of regimented palm trees and you wonder who waters them and with what. The skyline, in a dusty haze, looks like the cover of a dystopian mercial, banking and insurance service port on the Gulf with hospitality and footballers’ time-shares; cal embarrassment.

To say Dubai was built very fast is a colossal understatement. The plan was money, the architect was money and the designer and the builder were all money. If you ever wondered what money would look like if left to it’s own devices, take a look at Dubai. of the countless shopping centers that look like the airports of lesser countries or Egyptian tombs, before you apply for your life-long visa. Dubai has been mugged of its own greed. It’s consumer economy is being maintained by oil-rich families to whom depressions, booms, lottery wins and recessions mean little. Riches and wealth are relative terms, but not ones we’re related to. There is an indoor ski mountain, probably the biggest indoor ski mountain in a desert (BYO fur and moon boots for all future travelers) where the boys slide down the hill with practiced arrogance, whilst the girls slither through manufactured snow.

Twenty years ago, none of this existed. Dubai was the home of pastoralist tented families herding goats and racing camels. Back then, there was only a handful of greasy, armed, empire mechanics in khaki shorts, drilling for oil. In just one generation, Dubai has gone from sitting on a rug to reclinThe money seeped out of the ground and they spent it. Pretty much all of it. You look at Dubai and you realize not a single thing is indigenous, not one of the culture’s goods originated there. Even the goats have gone. This was a civilization that was bought wholesale.

Those who remain of the indigenous population are born retired. They’re out of place in their own country. They have imported and built a city, a fortress of extravagance, that excludes themselves, literally. The Gulf Arabs have become the minority, totaling less than 20% of the overall population.

The other 80% is spilt between: white mercenary workers/sycophants for cash, who come to Dubai for tax-free salaries to do entrepreneurial jobs, and Asians: who function as both the slaves of capital and the heroes of labour. Asians man the hotels; they run the civil service and the utilities and commercial businesses; they are the clerks and the secretaries, the lawyers, the doctors, the accountants.

The Arabs live in their own ghettos, large, dull containments of big houses that are half garage behind security walls, weighed down with satellite dishes. To add to the volcanic pile of problems in Dubai, there is also the growing and unspoken dilemma of the indigenous youth. Fat, and spoiled beyond reason, they are titanically rude. They have reportedly taken to forming slovenly gangs that have been responsible for random attacks on foreign workers and women simply for the computer-game fun of it. This is a generation of kids who expect to never seriously work - but do expect secure jobs.

Dubai is the parable of what money makes when it has no purpose but its own multiplication and grandeur; when the culture that holds it is too frail to contain it.

#MiscellaneousRetroSexism

TUESDAY 25 FEBRUARY 2014 WORONI

FOOD & WINE// 18

Ian is a total oenophile whose love for wine has resulted in him examining Canberra district wines for Honours, while working part-time in wine retail.

Ian Lee SUMMER is the season for hot, sunny days at the beach, where you can work on a tan, play some beach cricket, dive into the rolling surf if it gets too hot, or cool down with a refreshing bottle of wine. The last of the possibilities raised here, thus begs the question: what wine would be most appropriate for the season?

For the budding summer wine-seeker, options abound: sparkling wines, whites, rosés, and for the bold, even the occasional red. Sparkling wines (Champagne, Prosecco, Cavas, bubbly) are an obvious choice as they often are incredibly easy to drink and what more can one ask for than some fizz in summer? Whites and rosés again would appear pretty self-explanatory: neither seems to be a style that takes itself too seriously. But reds? These are serious, brooding drinks that appear particularly unsuited for the whimsical fun of summer.

While impressions of the various types of wine undoubtedly contain an ounce of truth to them, it is equally true that not all styles or varietals of wine are suitable for summer, whether the wine is red, white, or sparkling. So, here are my top tips for picking the perfect bottle of wine for a hot summer’s day: 1.

Pick something light! The less body to the wine the more refreshing it is likely to be!

2.

Tropical fruit, citrus, pear and apple

Decant!

Top Tips, for Summer Sips!

are great summer flavours! Strawberry and raspberry are good too!

3.

Medium to low alcohol (between five and thirteen percent) levels in the wine help! If there is too much alcohol, it might feel warmer when drinking.

4.

Make sure you enjoy it!

Of course, given that there is a short list of things to look out for, there are also certain things to avoid: 1.

High tannin (the weird drying-out/ sandpaper feel you sense on the tongue and gums) is definitely not wanted in summer.

2.

Spice and highly savoury characters (leather, tobacco, tar) do not make a refreshing drink; leave them for now.

3.

Putting ice in you wine. Please.

Don’t. It dilutes the flavours and a wine which is already light can quickly become insipid.

Use an ice bucket instead.

Basil and Coriander Pesto This is a great vegan friendly recipe that wonderfully combines a Louise Stockton Pesto 1 bunch of fresh basil ½ bunch of fresh coriander 2 Tbsp lemon ¼ cup of olive oil ½ cup of pine nuts 1 tbsp salt The Rest 250g pasta 1 medium-size red onion, chopped 5 cloves or level teaspoons of garlic 4 tbsp olive oil 2 chopped red chillies, chopped (optional) ½ cup of white wine 1 cup of whatever vegetables you may have lying around, just make sure that they are chopped into smaller pieces so that they cook quickly. Previous winners include fresh or preserved artichokes, zucchini, mushrooms, eggplant or capsicum.

Method Put all of your pesto ingredients into a blender and pulse until the consistency is smooth, but not so smooth that you could pass it through a sieve. The pine nuts should still be giving it a slightly crunchy texture.

This might take a few minutes, so be a little patient. With a clean teaspoon, get a little out and give it a taste. If you think it needs more salt, go for it! If it needs some more liquid, add a little more olive oil, lemon juice or water. This is your dish now, you can do with it what you want.

Chop the onion and your chosen vegetables. I prefer the onion to be quite small in this dish, as it can be overpowering at times. If you’re trying to woo a cute person with your culinary prowess, I strongly recommend making sure that the onion isn’t raw.

Cook the pasta according to the instructions on the packet. Then in a large pan, fry the onion in olive oil on a medium heat for 6-7 minutes.

Add the garlic and chilli and cook for another 2-4 minutes, stirring every now and then so that it cooks evenly.

Introduce the vegetables and cook for about 5 minutes. When they have cooked, add the wine and reduce for 2 minutes.

All up, the frying process will take about 15-20 minutes. Add the drained pasta and the pesto to the frying pan and mix over a low heat so that everything is nice and warm.

A massive thanks to Sid Koh for the building blocks of this recipe.

WORONI TUESDAY 25 FEBRUARY 2014

FOOD & WINE// 19

Woroni Reviews Knightsbridge James Waugh (words) and Janis Lejins (photos) visit the popular Northside haunt and bring us back the guilty details.

DRINKING alone is a much-maligned pleasure.

Thought to be the domain of the lonesome and the drunkard. However, there is no better way to know a drink; or a bar, than without the distractions of company, foul or fair. Labouring under this, I spent two days getting to know Knightsbridge Penthouse: the drinks and the people, to better understand Canberra’s most enigmatic nightspot.

In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit The real challenge to reviewing a bar lies in the unpredictability of the trade. In a restaurant, eschat up fellow patrons. In visiting a bar, interaction is inexorably linked to the experience. To judge a bar on one visit would be beyond folly.

Knighty looks as if it was decorated by a ling the ethos of the trendy London suburb after which it was named. The attention to detail is compelling. Daylight reveals detail hidden by the darkness, din and crowd of the early hours of Saturday morning. A recent revamp has surmounted the challenge of clashing change with Knighty’s glaring individuality. Gone is the pastiche of a woman reclining on the bar, which too often caught the foggy-headed by surprise.

Now antique lampshades illuminate the bar like the front windows has remained; as has the vintage smut which adorns the wall above the men’s urinal. Two elements of decor that rightfully seem permanent to Knightsbridge.

The revamp has struck just in time. With Knighty’s 10th anniversary looming, the competition for Braddon’s only cocktail bar has never been more substantial. New bars are sprouting across Civic and the Southside. Old sparring partners Kremlin and Hippo have both undergone a rejig in recent years. More cocktails are being downed in Canberra than anytime in history;

including the Hawke years. Yet it’s not clear that Canberrans are anymore literate with their libations.

In response to this brave new world of booze freshly minted bar manager Josh Nedeljkovic has gone back to basics. Gone are the waistcoats and bow-ties, and even cocktail menus have been cut.

Back in vogue are blackboards, bearing nightly drink specials and the words, ‘ask your bartender about our cocktails.’ Josh explains his new approach as ‘all about chat, all about interaction.

At too many bars you go to, you sit down with a menu and don’t have a face to talk to. This way, you’re forced to be engaged.’

For Josh Nedeljkovic it’s all about consistent classic cocktails, without the pretence; an attitude -

Something a little bit classic, something a bit more fun to suit the late-night crowd, and finally, something a little bit special. perience behind the bar. Adding a touch of class with a cocktail list to the Chinese all-you-can-eat zarus has come a long way since shaking up a sex on the beach to go along with fried rice. Moving to Canberra to study in 2012, Josh went from clearing glasses to manager at Knightsbridge in little more than a year.

To test out the new approach here at Knightsa little bit classic, something a bit more fun to a little bit special. Starting off with the perennial Martini, the drink of choice for Sinatra and Bond.

A drink that has also been so obnoxiously cool for so long that any attempts to order one make

“

In response to this brave new world of booze, freshly minted bar manager Josh Nedeljkovic has gone back to basics. you seem like you own several fedoras and have never experienced the caress of a woman. Still one hell of a drink.

I ordered mine how Josh would have it done: Tanqueray Ten gin, served dry and just a lil’ clear and innocuous. Only the three fat Sicilian olives, battle-tank green, give the game away.

Then a brief nosing betrayed the intensity and potency of the drink. Floral notes and whole fruit citruses: lemon and grapefruit. As I drank the nose changed, the bright and fresh gave way to warm and savoury: dill notes with the on the nose, unmistakable lemon-butter on the tip of the tongue, with bitter botanicals carrying through the sides. The long acidity in the back the olive brine. The virtue of this drink is how it carries itself. Balancing the alcoholic burn of the

the burn.

The second drink I had was a Piña Colada.

Like the 80’s pop-song which popularised it, it’s

and, like a bad 80’s pop song, enough of them in Served in a hurricane glass (the tall and curvy sort) with a porcelain complexion and lipstickred maraschino cherry nestled in the froth. And while it made me feel self-conscious drinking a piña colada while unable to see the beach, I came out... emboldened by the experience. I could give you full nosing and tasting notes, but that’d be rather pointless. This sort of drink should just be enjoyed, not dissected. the transformation Knighty would undergo over the next few hours seemed inconceivable. The careful and considered drinks and conversation of Dr Jekyll were be traded for the grinding, shots and sweat of Mr Hyde within just a few hours. Knightsbridge has become all things to all people; from tinnies for tradies, old fashioneds for graduates, and, shots for the hospos. The roots of the bar remain apparent: it still feels like informality and the focus on experience above all else. The origin of the cocktail was merely an attempt to make low-quality alcohol more palatable. And keeping with that tradition, Knighty uses the great drinks to enhance, not dominate the experience.

Humans of Canberra facebook.com/HOCanberra

“I’ve migrated from France to live in Australia.”

“Why did you decide to move all the way from France?”

“It’s easier to just live out life here.”

leak.”

“What is one thing you are struggling with at the moment?”

“There is an illness in the family.

Instead of moving away from home as I originally planned, I’m staying to take care of them.”

“Forrest here plays a role in pet therapy in hospitals, whether it be for the autistic or blind.”

Photography by Micaiah Koh

WORONI TUESDAY 25 FEBRUARY 2014

ARTS // 21

Knit Four Purl More Rose Maurice I wear my limits like a big woollen jumper It keeps me warm but weighs me down.

It’s heavy when wet and as of yet I have never won a swimming race.

Nor a running race or even a hopping race or even the race for the bus for threads get left behind and become entwined in nearby branches as I try to race by.

The sleeves roll down, never biding at the elbows and get in the way of playing the cello.

It smudges ink, gets stuck in the sink, and in bike chains in looms, and even on ballet bars.

And I gave up on knitting after the last stitch was in place.

Made too big for the small owner that I am but I fear to unravel the thread to start again. instead I watch it stretch each time I wash it with bare hands that twitch against the cold touch of wool and water.

And each time I wear this cable knitted prison my small body is shrinking and wrinkling beneath.

ARTS // 22

TUESDAY 25 FEBRUARY 2014 WORONI

The Book Thief: One Man’s Opinion

Micah Kim reviews Brian The Book Thief, an adaptation of the novel by Markus Zusack.

Micah Kim HOW do you please fans of a book which has been in the best seller list for 230 weeks, won 12 awards and have earned the love of many readers? Answer: you do not make a movie out of it.

Directed by Brian Percival, who is best (and only) known for Downton Abbey, this inevitable movie adaptation attempts to visualise the beautifully poetic novel by Markus Zusak and falls short of, to be frank, almost everything.

Firstly, let me scrape off the good bits before devouring this movie with pessimistic appetite.

Sophie Nelisse is a great actress and plays the role of Liesel adequately, though I doubt you could Geoffrey Rush and Emily Watson as Hans and Rosa Hubermann also works quite well. Hans acts as the movie’s ‘comic relief’ while Rosa plays the ‘straight (wo)man’. The costumes are eye-catching and appropriately varied. Music is scored beautifully and suitably. It’s all ‘Book Thief-esque’.

Those who have read the novel would have realised that I have not mentioned two important

less I say about them, the better they are. Rudy (or good, it is the director’s directions that made him somewhat lacking. Yes, we see him interacting ‘Hoody’) is just atrocious. Every time he appeared with Liesel, yes we see him bed-ridden and horrid in the movie I just wanted to bury my head in my like a kindergartener; yet his part was not considseat and suffocate. His voice was like a broken ered as important as the book, which leads to sevtree frog could do better. His role in the movie was For those who have read the book, it is a betrayal to make Liesel run (for those ‘I’m a happy child’ to the audience; for those who have not read the book, his role is singular.

...their German accent is almost too forced and fake that it once again breaks the realism scenes), as though she was on a strict diet regime.

The worst sin, however, would have to be the last scene. Those who have read the book know what I am talking about and I can assure that you will awful; so awful that it will be hilarious. I do not wish to spoil it but it took me several days to of complaining to come to terms with the fact that Percival may have destroyed one of the saddest scenes ever with his questionable directorial ability. Honestly, it was just pure awfulness. It even made Adam Sandler appealing.

For some reason, Percival thought it was a good

other great movies (The Pianist, Schindler’s List, Sophie Scholl, Saving Private Ryan, etc) and unfortunately this movie is not as good as them. The lack of ‘persecutions’ or the rawness of human cruelty is missing and instead focuses on the story of Liesel, making the whole movie more ‘family friendly’. Then there’s the ironic cast where most of the main characters are not German. Sophie Nelisse is French (Ha!), Rush is Australian, Watman accent is almost too forced and fake that it once again breaks realism.

The Book Thief is a movie where everyone knew what was going to happen; everyone knew

beauty of the original novel and that those who have read the novel will most likely watch it, just out of spite. And as a movie by itself, I do have to say it is nice. It can stand on its own. But when it is an adaptation of a book that is beloved by every speak German, or have a German accent. In fact, English student, then Percival is going to have an he had an obvious American accent which creates angry mob of English students on his doorsteps. this lingual limbo. Whilst his acting itself was

McSweeney's Internet Tendency Rhea Nair

Arts Correspondent I stumbled upon Timothy McSweeney’s Internet Tendency after Googling the phrase, “Imagined conversations with a pigeon.” This was not the that could offer outlandish articles to satisfy the needs of my overactive imagination.

Founded and edited by Dave Eggers - author breaking Work of Staggering Genius - McSweeney’s offers a breath of fresh air from the longwinded online literary journals I have come across in the past. There is no ambiguity for the sake of ‘engaging the reader in the writing

Among my favourite columns is “Open Letters to People or Entities Who Are Unlikely to Respond” which allows those of us who do not actively express our loathing for products, entities (or more often) ourselves to let loose and be unflinchingly passive aggressive.

certainly no attempt to deny the pretentiousness inherent in writing for an online journal.

In fact, one could argue that McSweeney’s writers revel in their somewhat condescending and critical perspective. Their scrutiny of the world rings with the same sarcasm and tongue in cheek absurdity for which Eggers’ work is celebrated. The pieces are neat, and concise (to comply with the submission guidelines of being ‘shortish’), and the columns are refreshing in their disregard for conventional subject matter.

Among my favourite columns is “Open Letters to People or Entities Who Are Unlikely to Respond” which allows those of us who do not ties (or more often) ourselves to let loose and be

are written to creative projects left abandoned, to people passed on morning runs, to love letters penned to former mothers-in-law, to jars of peanut butter and commercial retail outlets.

If letters are not to your taste, McSweeney’s offers a column of absurd lists that criticise, question and invite us to reconsider the world in 30 items or less. More often than not, the sheer reading these lists as a educational resource, a self-help guide of sorts. Of particular educational assistance was, “Things Not to Bring to a Gun Fight” which made it clear that the Dalai Lama

comprehensive guide that is, “Your Friend Made a Dubstep Album for Toddlers: How to sound genuine when he plays it for you”.

“Reviews of New Food” sees columnists from combinations and guilty pleasures, while weekly and previews of books being edited and published by McSweeney’s. The journal also offers a range of poetry, comics and pithy illustrations for its readers to enjoy.

Ultimately, with the wide variety of informal,

satirical columns, this journal is a pleasure to read. But the ease of reading and irreverence to the world does not undermine the quality of the works included. Instead, by publishing the notenormality of the world we live in, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency reminds us that literature need der to be enjoyed. It must simply be true, genuine and entertaining.

#MiscellaneousRetroSexism

TUESDAY 25 FEBRUARY 2014 WORONI

ARTS // 24

David Walsh’s MONA-Lisa Nina Haysler

The Museum of Old and New Art (MONA) has been the centre of the Australian art world since

WORONI TUESDAY 25 FEBRUARY 2014

WORONI TALKS TO BLUEJUICE

ARTS // 25

Elena Tjandra Back from Big Day Out the release of their SOS video, Stav and Jake from Bluejuice talk douchebags and university shows with Elena Tjandra before the Big Bang Party.

THERE’S a half-eaten plate of salami on the table and the band is watching a funny You-Tube video on the computer. It all seems very casual, and that’s good because I’m holding three used cups and a stolen jug from ANU Bar and Woroni Radio’s Stephen Kenny is cradling a goon bag behind me. “OHHH You brought a goon bag” Stav exclaims. University livin’.

Stav and Jake are no strangers to university. Both front men have completed a degree, and the band has played several university shows including UNSW’s O-Week and the ‘Winter Of Our Discotheque’ university tour in 2012. “We’ve always relatively speaking, represented that [university] age group. Going out, getting really drunk and going really crazy” Jake remarks. With playful lyrics and catchy choruses to be belted out in a crowd, Bluejuice creates an energy that “works for people who want to get fucked up at O-Week”.

However, Bluejuice does not only represent what Stav likes to call the “drug and alcohol fuelled mental-ness” of students. When expresses the sentiment of a little ‘l’ liberal student: “the douchebag

The band is currently working on a new single with Dan Hume formerly from Evermore. Jake is also working with a young folk artist, Matt Gollan with good friend Nick, from Sparkadia.

of the moment is Tony Abbott. There can be no other. He is trumping all others in my opinion. We didn’t include him in the clip but now I wish I had. He seems a great deal more relevant as a douche than Kanye West who I think we can all agree is an artist and a douche”.

This is as serious as the conversation becomes. Two seconds later, Stav’s reporting on Bluejuice’s Big Day Out antics. “It was pretty crazy fun on the last night of the tour. There was a fun after-party in Perth. The Arcade Fire guys were DJ-ing. And I ah think I tried to push Diplo into a urinal. Although at the time I didn’t know it was Diplo, who I didn’t realise was Major Lazor’s main guy. I was just standing next to a couple of guys in the urinal… and I was like ‘if I knew you guys were better I’d probably do this’, then grabbed them with both my palms on both their backs”. “That was kind of silly” The most recent Big Day Out tour was the fourth Big Day Out for the band. Since playing the Lily Pad stage in 2008, the band has come to headline the festival playing Main Stage in 2012 and 2014.

The progression from Lily Pad to Main highlights the long length of time Bluejuice has been together. Starting with pretty rudimental lyrics such as “I rap because I wanna make a real friend rub me, honed their sound into a tight, electro- pop soundtrack eleven years later. They’re still singing about simple things, however their music has progressed from a highschool to… university?

The band is currently working on a new single with Dan Hume formerly from Evermore. Jake is also working with a young folk artist, Matt Gollan with good friend Nick, from Sparkadia. “I’ve been trying to do other things as well as the band like lots of cowriting and other things to keep me busy because when you’re not and you quickly realise that’s not going to occupy all your time, no matter how much weed you decide to smoke”.

Photography by Ross Calwell

TUESDAY 25 FEBRUARY 2014 WORONI

SCIENCE// 26

Research Roundup Eleanor Campbell

Ocean Corridors Closing

Superbug Solution in Sight

Proton Power

The 3D structure of an enzyme that breaks down a particular antibiotic has been solved by scientists from A team from RMIT, Victoria has the Vanderbilt University Medical developed a concept for a battery Centre in Tennessee. The enzyme, that relies on hydrogen ions rather FosB, can cause strains of bacteria to than lithium ions. Hydrogen ions become ‘superbugs’, resistant to the could be split from water molecules, antibiotic fosfomycin. Having the then trapped with extra electrons and structure of this enzyme available metal particles, resulting in an enmay help researchers improve the ergy storage system which could be effectiveness of antibiotics against reversed to release the energy when FosB superbugs. needed. The hypothetical hydrogen

James Ansell

and affordable than existing lithium ion systems.

Climate change is threatening the abilities of ocean species to follow normal migratory patterns, according to researchers at the University of Western Australia’s Ocean Institution. By mapping regions of oceanic climate change, researchers have de-

Neanderthal Tooth Fairy

By analysing the baby teeth of human children and juvenile macaques, oceans are no longer accessible to migrating sea-life; the ‘climatic cor- an international group of researchers ridors’ that species use to migrate are has constructed a timeline of a Midclosing. The climate change map, diet. The scientists determined that however, could help scientists identhe element barium is deposited in tify and protect new migratory routes teeth at different rates throughout the for ocean species. breastfeeding and weaning process.

Applying their model to a fossilised

Martian Pastry Mystery Solved

this particular cave-baby was breastfed until the age of 1.2 years.

The infamous ‘jelly doughnut’ (or ‘jam doughnut’ if you’re Australian) on the surface of Mars has been January. The oddly shaped rock appeared in a photo on January 8th, while a photo of the same stretch of land taken 12 days earlier showed no sign of the rock. It turns out that Mars rover Opportunity bumped the jelly doughnut off a larger rock while moving, which isn’t really a mindboggling revelation.

An Old Friend

can change colour depending on what is burning, the colour of a star can change depending on what looking at you Ken Ham), you probably know it is made of. that the Universe is really old. Really, really old.

Immediately after the Big Bang, practically the About 13.8 billion years old to put a number on it. only matter there was to form stars was hydrogen Funnily enough, that makes it the oldest thing there is, but the prize for second place has been formed turned the hydrogen and helium into other - elements through nuclear fusion. These other eleed that place to a newly discovered star which ments could then go on to contribute to forming newer stars.

In this case, scientists were looking for the abIn the same way that a fire sence of iron in stars. Iron is the very last step in can change colour dependthe nuclear fusion process, so the less iron there is in a star, the earlier it formed. ing on what is burning, the Finding and observing these stars is imporcolour of a star can change tant in helping us understand the early universe depending on what it is made and how the different elements were formed and spread throughout the universe, eventually lead-

of.

all of us. they believe is 13.7 billion years old.

And the best part? Did I mention that the sciThose of you without short term memory loss entists who discovered this star are all from the will realise that that means it formed extremely formed only 4.6 billion years ago. that, University of Melbourne!

The scientists were able to identify this star’s

Photography by Jason Jenkins

WORONI TUESDAY 25 FEBRUARY 2014

SCIENCE//27

Weird Nature: VALENTINE'S DAY EDITION Ellen Rykers Columnist

FROM subsonic booming parrots to blue-balled vervet monkeys, nature expresses love in all kinds of crazy forms. In celebration of Valentine’s Day just past, we’re going to explore a strikingly sneaky love story playing out right here in Australia.

Our story begins in a tiny corner of Western Australia, with orchids. These aren’t your typical bright and tropical orchids though – they’re small, hairy and purple-brown, and they’re called hammer orchids. There’s a very good reason they’re not so pretty, and it all has to do with pollination. , In order for a plant to reproduce, pollen has to sbe transferred from one plant to another. Most hummingbirds, by producing nectar (a food source) and emitting a strong aroma. Some

t n e . Hammer orchids emit an even more unusual smell, one that humans can’t detect. But this d t

Mitchell Seymour THE Triassic period is often referred to as “The Dawn of the Age of Dinosaurs”, but personally I think of it as “When the Weird Things Are”. A new discovery from the Yunnan Province in China has been crowned the new ultimate ugmo.

It’s name means “uniquely strange toothed”, but one look at Atopodenatus unicus and you can

smell is irresistible to male thynnine wasps, because it smells exactly like female thynnine wasps. What’s more, not only do the orchids smell like sexy female wasps, they also look like them too! This so called “sexual deception” seduces wasps looking for love, and they attempt to mate with the orchid in a process called “pseudocopulation.” During this affair, pollen is transferred from the orchid to the pollinator, which he can then deposit on the next orchid that deceives him. Pretty sneaky, huh?

At the ANU, we have several people studying the chemical relationship between hammer orchids and thynnine wasps. Hammer orchids are endemic to western Australia and they’re very rare, so it’s hoped that by understanding these strange quirks of nature we can improve our efforts to save them. Let’s hope this love story has a happy ending.

So, the next time you’re out on the town, implementing the art of seduction in a nightclub or bar, I hope you’re reminded of nature’s greatest seducers: hammer orchids – so good even entirely different species desire them. Perhaps take ‘til you make it.

Rise of the Zipperface

Atopodentatus is an early marine reptile, related to the famous plesiosaurs, but more closely to a group of specialised animals called Placodonts. At marine reptile, albeit with more sensible-looking

It’s the upper jaw and the teeth that are the truly ungodly thing about this animal... stock legs, like a dachshund of sea. I mean, it does pretty comfortable on land as well. But ‘dachshund of the sea’ is a title that hasn’t been claimed yet, so that’s what we’re sticking to.

It’s the upper jaw and the teeth that are the truly ungodly thing about this animal. In reptiles, there are two bones that bear teeth on the upper jaw: the maxilla and the premaxilla; The maxilla being further back in the mouth, and the premaxilla being the end of the snout. In Atopodentatus both the maxilla and the lower jaw are packed with a multitude of needle-like teeth, but the premaxilla is something completely unheard of. The premaxilla is split, with the premaxillary teeth pointing inward at each other, forming that distinctive zipdepressed mood, agitation, and anxiety to stress per that runs up it’s face.

Those needle like teeth are reminiscent of strucor poor mental health,” the report says, “and conclude from the ability of cigarettes to ameliorate these symptoms that cigarettes improve mental today, so Atopodenatus is what you get when Guillermo del Toro designed the love child of a health”.

The researchers argue that the cigarettes aren’t ing though is that you need a way to stop water goactually relieving these symptoms, but rather feeding the withdrawal that smokers experience ing the wrong way at the wrong time, so it would when faced with depression, anxiety and stress – have needed lips covering its zipper until it could an association which the smokers initiated when be brought into action. What a smile it would have they smoked a cigarette to deal with how they felt, had.

As great as Atopodentatus is, one swallow does and continue to reinforce every time they smoke not make a summer. So if you have something reaway negative feelings.

So when you’re feeling unfocused and frus- ally important due that you need to procrastinate,

Quitting Smoking Will Ease Your Mind

.

Oli Chan NOW that university is actually starting, brace yourselves for an onslaught of assignments, group projects, and eventually the dreaded exams. People deal with this in different ways, including pumping the stress out at the gym, laughing it off with some friends at the university pub, or smoking to get rid of the pre-exam jitters.

Most smokers know the risks and health problems these cigarettes can cause; heart disease, lung disease and cancers come to mind, but once they start, they can’t seem to stop. New research conducted by health researchers in the United Kingdom reveals just how important quitting smoking is, not just for the body, but also for the mind.

The paper, published in the British Medical Journal, analysed the effects of smoking on mental health, and what happens when people quit smoking. Looking back into previous studies, the researchers compared the before and after effects on mental health and overall quality of life be-

tween people who successfully quit smoking, and those who relapsed.

They found that in numerous cases, people who much less anxious, and a lot less stressed, in comparison to those who continued to smoke.

cigarettes aren’t actually relieving these symptoms, but rather feeding the withdrawal that smokers experience when faced with depression, anxiety and stress

trated in a long study session, or annoyed at your team in a group assignment (which will inevitably happen, trust me) or getting those pre-exam jitThe people who managed to quit smoking also ters, and step outside to light up, take a long hard reported very positive changes to their psycho- look at the cigarette. If you want to improve your logical quality of life as well as their moods and mental health, you might want to consider quitting emotions. smoking altogether.

“Smokers sometimes attribute symptoms of

Image by author

TUESDAY 25 FEBRUARY 2014 WORONI

SPORT //28

ISO's plans to blindfold and kidnap students are underway.

Max Stenstrom IB is fast approaching and is now less than two months away. For those that haven’t heard of this incredible event here is the 50-words-or-less version of a description to get you up to speed.

Inward Bound (affectionately known as IB) is a combination of orienteering, ultra-marathoning and a small dose of insanity. There are seven the concept remains the same. Get blindfolded, driven into the middle of the forest in the dead of night, given the coordinates of your destination and told to run! I should mention the only tools allowed are compasses and maps. No GPS is permitted.

We thought it might be nice to catch up with some of the amazing/crazy (take your pick) people who have not only done IB once but are coming back for more this year.

Hugo Lee is a music/physics student with a long history of pounding the pavement and dirt for B&G. When he isn’t running, he is pursuing his music and has just released a new album “Rhythm Of The Machine” which is available now on iTunes.

I asked him about how it all began, what running IB last year was like and his approach to training for such a unique event. This is what he had to say: “Running has always been a crucial part of my life, from racing around the Kindergarten playground to running competitively.

I grew up running the City2Surf (annual 14km fun-run in Sydney) 13 times and always enjoyed a relaxing after-school run in the bush around my home. Hiking and Camping in the wilderness have always been important to me as well, along with the associated map-reading skills.

At 17, a friend and I ran the Six-Foot-Track, a 45km trail through the Blue Mountains from Katoomba to the Jenolan Caves. This was to be the start of ‘serious’ running...that feeling of running

until you are completely exhausted, then going some more (and more...and more...).

On hearing about Inward Bound, I was instantly keen to participate. It seemed like the perfect combination of hard work, navigation and a high dosage of endorphins.

The event itself was a challenge on so many levels due to its sheer duration and terrain. I ran as a co-navigator for B&G in division 3, and we ended up covering around 63km over about 10 speed of a fast walk, but believe me, it feels like much more!! Everyone in our team hit ‘The Wall’ at different points in the journey, and it was up to everyone else to provide encouragement (and perhaps the occasional “harden up”!).

The feeling of coming into endpoint absolutely blew my mind- coming around the corner to see all our friends charging towards the road to cheer us in, waving and screaming their lungs out (they were up all night, they deserve to let loose!) was something I will never forget.

Everyone from all colleges were extremely supportive of all the teams, regardless of where in. Sure, you want to win it, but the feeling of encouragement from all around just goes to show what a great community we have at the colleges of the ANU. In training, lots of less experienced runners seemed concerned about the distances, but I feel that if you’re keen to do it, then the only thing stopping you is your willingness to get out there are getting...”

Whether you are new to ANU or an old hand who is still hanging around it is time to get excited. Pull on those runners and start racking up the kilometers. If you aren’t at college don’t ates are open to non-residents. Looking forward to seeing you all at endpoint. #IB14

“

The only shining star for the home team was A.B. de Villiers, top scoring in both innings...

Australia Dominates Zach Mackey AUSTRALIA has continued their complete dominance of recent cricket with a comprehensive 281 run win over South Africa at SuperSport Park, Centurion. Led by the ferocious bowling Mitchell Johnson, the tourists sent shockwaves through the number one test ranked team in the world, as they took a one-nil lead in the best of three series, providing the crowd with South Africa’s worst loss in almost 60 years.

Needing a world record 482 runs for victory, South Africa never looked likely to produce a result, or bat out the 174 overs to snatch a draw.

Mitchell Johnson obviously hasn’t lost the amazing form that saw him lead the 5-0 rout of England just recently, taking a career best 12-127. This was on the back of savage bowling from Australia, once again led by the aggressive left armer. The physical threat presented by Johnson was reinforced shortly before tea when all-rounder Ryan McLaren bore the brunt of another brutal bouncer from the Australian. The left-hander was unable to evade a bouncer and instead ducked into a ball that clattered into his helmet so hard it could be

Needing a world record 482 runs for victory, South Africa never looked likely to produce a result, or bat out the 174 overs to snatch a draw.

As Johnson angled a full delivery into Smith the Proteas captain clipped it solidly off his pads,

at short-leg that sent his Australian teammates into delirium. Left-hander Smith struck the ball

Tasmanian, stunning all on and in the ground. Michael Clarke deserves credit for the unorthodox positioning of Doolan just behind the crease.

The only shining star for the home team was A.B. de Villiers, top scoring in both innings, but it never looked like helping the eventual result.

A lively pitch aided Johnson’s bowling, but didn’t deserve the comment from Graeme Smith;

balls to get really big on batters in good areas, which made it obviously very tough. But it’s not long ago that we can think back to big moments in games where we’ve been able to put him under pressure. ‘Obviously he’s bowling well, [but] I truly believe that the wicket played a big role in the success that he had. The stats, even in the Ashes, say that he picked up a lot of lower-order wickets.” Even though the Port Elizabeth pitch isn’t as likely to produce as much help for Johnson, and Australia’s, aggressive bowling approach, Johnson after the match admitted he could do better.

In other news, at the time of writing, New Zealand pair Brendan McCullum and BJ Watling have combined for a staggering world record partnership. The two put on 352 runs in over 120 overs.

This has brought New Zealand back from the brink in the second match of the recent two test series against India. After faltering for 192 in the

clearly heard around the ground. Proteas staff ran Kiwi pair has wrestled back a handy lead which out onto the ground immediately after seeing him will hopefully force a result with a day to play.

minutes for staff to successfully stem the bleed- Victoria’s second innings, New South Wales tore ing created by the blow, which occurred even with through the top, reducing the home side to a starthim wearing the helmet. Had he not been wearing ing total of 6-9. a helmet the results could have been catastrophic.

Debutant Alex Doolan showed he was in it for the long haul, contributing a handy 87 in the second innings, and taking two blistering catches at short leg to contribute to Johnson’s 5 wicket second innings haul. His highlight was the second innings scalp of Proteas captain Graeme Smith.

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WORONI TUESDAY 25 FEBRUARY 2014

SPORT //29

Yes, female tennis players deserve equal pay.

Mark Fabian AN article in the preceding issue of Woroni by Gary Oldman “Do female tennis players deserve equal pay” requires a response, principally because it misses the key issue of effort.

I have coached women’s and men’s development squads for various Australian tennis associations. I also have sevpast the point where it affects the menstrual cycle. Other than the Williams sisters, I have yet to come across a story is evident in the propensity of players to party too hard. bies, friends outside of tennis etc. These requirements are identical for both genders. because “they want to fuck her”, is that tennis is arguably not good for the female aesthetic. Few people would argue with the proposition that Maria looked even more stunning when she won Wimbeldon age 17 than she does now. The reason for this is that she is twice as muscular and her shoulders look like she could perform an Argentine back breaker on John Cena.

A similar phenomenon affects many female players who give up conventionally attractive, lithe frames to bulk up

A central argument of Oldman’s is that women play fewer sets than men. But outside the Slams and Davis/Federation cup, that is, in more than 95 per cent of tour events, men and women play the same number of sets.

Oldman’s single standard of tennis for both genders is also misguided. Due to the physiological differences that he

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serve slower, on average, than men. But this is only a problem if you think repetitive games of aces are enjoyable to watch. Slower serves mean returns are frequently spectacular in women’s tennis, something rarely seen in the men’s game. As a consequence, points in the women’s game often start off on an equal footing, and this leads to a different progression of the ups and downs of women’s matches compared to the men’s game, which is entirely about breaking

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than amongst men, which leads to a diversity of matchups.

So if we’re talking about what people deserve, then women deserve equal pay. The question can only be answered in the negative if the market mechanism is used as the ultimate measure of justice, which would seem to confuse what

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employer’s revenue. As women are sometimes on court for less time they must contribute less to revenue and should therefore be paid less.

There are three further reasons why this market logic falls down in the case of tennis. First, as Oldman notes, people players warm up on side courts as well as participating in matches. ting that the Slams pay equally because they are the most public face of professional tennis.

Finally, the “justice” of the market mechanism as articulated by Hayek is predicated on the idea that the person who wants a good the most will pay the most for it. This doesn’t map on to tennis tournaments because tickets are bought for the entire day or for day/night sessions that include both male and female players. Television rights and endorsement opportunities are similarly granted on mass. The women’s and men’s draws thus work collectively to enhance There are plenty of instances where society, institutions, groups or individuals feel that there are non-market ethical reasons to make a certain decision. In this case, even without resorting to arguments about market justice or the need to At the end of the day, it is a decision for the tournaments to make, and I for one commend them for their policy.

Mark Fabian is the head coach of the ANU Tennis Club and blogs at markfabian.blogspot.com

TUESDAY 25 FEBRUARY 2014 WORONI

SPORT //30

OF COURSE female tennis players deserve equal pay...

Nina Haysler I must admit, I am not the biggest tennis fan. In fact, despite growing up in a family that avidly follows the Australian Open, during the Women’s Grand Final I went to the cinema to watch the Book Thief and through the Mens Grand Final I was reading The White Queen in bed. When I read Gary Oldman’s article, however, I couldn’t help but write a response to what I perceived as being a sexist and poorly argued piece of writing. It is important to mention that there are credible arguments against female tennis players deserving equal pay, however, most of the fundamental points in Prior to this deconstruction it is important to mention that the Women’s Tennis Association (WTA) is asking for equal pay in regards to prize money for Grand Slam Titles. Therefore, it is not really “equal pay” because a tennis player’s “pay” is greatly dependent on the number of matches played and sponsorship. Currently, the only Grand Slam Tournament to dish out equal prize money to women is Wimbledon, which has been offering equal prize money to women since 2007. Furthermore, the Australian Open has ruled that female tennis players will not be awarded equal prize Maria Sharapovas matches are in a large part “because millions of young men want to fuck you, not because you’re to Sharapova’s four Grand Slam singles titles. Rather, Oldman reduces Sharapova to a mere sex-toy for men. Her achievements as a sporting champion are undermined because of sexist men like Oldman. Alas, I cannot slam Oldman for all the sexism that is embedded in sport. a case concerning Ellyse Perry, who has represented Australia internationally in both cricket and soccer. A meme was posted highlighting her success and the responses that followed were absolutely appalling. One of the less offensive was “She must have a really long chain to reach a cricket pitch”. Although many would argue that the comments were Oldman then goes on to argue that if women are given equal pay to men then “wheelchair tennis players should be taking home multimillion dollar paychecks, too.” [sic]. The argument that women play “worse” tennis than men is fairly irrelevant when it comes to equal prize money. The measurements should be based upon sponsorship, viewership, ticket prices, training costs, etc. Furthermore, many would argue that women’s matches require a different skill Williams vs. Victoria Azarenka. I sincerely hope Oldman would not explain this because 17.7 million people choose he quotes “why don’t we separate white and black men in the sports of basketball, sprinting and swimming, then pay premises for your entire argument. To reiterate, skill level, although important is not the crux of the equal prize money argument put forward by the WTA. In fact, Serena Williams, in response to Andy Murray’s offer to play a match together stated “I doubt I’d win a point, but that would be fun”. If you are trying to argue that we should not divide sporting competitions into a male-female categories that is a completely different issue unrelated to the “equal prize money” debate. is “wired shut” on the issue. Therefore, women tennis players are apparently not “assuming equal responsibilities” and from playing tennis is very low. Walsh stated that “at any given time there are hundreds of millions of kids trying to be Singles Champions does not seem like an irrational decision when you consider the lifetime of sweat and handwork dished out by both individuals. When you consider one Wimbledon ticket, according to the current tennistours.com back to reading my book, I think of the strong and determined women who are sweating it out on the tennis grounds now, training for the next Grand Slam title.

Wednesday 26 February, 12.30pm

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Blow up the lecture?

The future of education in an online world

Professor Anant Agarwal, President of edX & more Professor Anant Agarwal, edX & Professor Brian Schmidt AC

Monday 3 March, 6pm

Aboriginal languages, literatures and technologies in the NT

Thursday 6 March, 5.30pm

Main Theatre, ANU Arts Centre, Union Court bit.ly/1mnaA1N

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Launch of the Living Archive of Aboriginal Languages

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Dr Tim Soutphommasane, Race Discrimination Commissioner

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Professor Chris Mackie, La Trobe University

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Films

Friday 28 February, 7.30pm

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

Presented by the ANU Film Group

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All events held on the ANU campus unless otherwise indicated. Schedule is subject to change, please check website closer to the date to ensure event information is correct.

The ANU campus is always alive with plenty to see, hear and do.

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Dr Ken Henry AC & others

Competition policy & deregulation: Challenges & choices

Thursday 27 February, 5.30pm

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The survival of lineage populations in the past: A simulation study Professor Zhongwei Zhao & Dr Robert Attenborough, ANU Seminar Room A, Coombs Bldg, Fellows Rd bit.ly/M5uEVo Monday 3 March, 7pm

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Drone logic: Distributed, ubiquitous monitoring & the ‘big data’ deluge Assoc Professor Mark Andrejevic, University of Queensland

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An Obituary to the Back Page DEAR Woroni Editors, As a long-time Woroni reader and ex-Editor, I found your 2014 O-Week edition to be a generally pleasant read, with a rather delightful design template and a most intriguing choice of news stories. Nevertheless, a part of me is deeply shocked by what I can only regretfully consider an editorial travesty on your part.

Your removal of the Woroni backpage is an act akin to treason. That singular decision stripped Woroni of its pride; of its character; of the very principles that gave it relevance to the student population to begin with. If News was the face of Woroni, Comment the conscience, and Sport the deformed toenail, then the Backpage was the soul. Congratulations – you have sucked out Woroni’s soul. You are Dementors.

Where would we be without the regular visual highlights of the Backpage? The pictures of Cats stolen from the internet? The badly photoshopped satirical book covers? The Backpage was a regular feast for the eyes; I know my vision will starve without it.

But of course, it was the written content that mattered more. The regular columns, resemblance to the various editors’) were a riot, a real testament to the quality of friend of the editorial team) was an inspiration, a man giving up his time to help his fellow people, the paragon of what it means to be Australian. And who could forget the pinnacle of it all, Advice to Religion? There was a feature bursting with so much sophistication and academic bravado that it earned itself national recognition.

I will never forget the amazed reactions we had in the wake of that column – it even at the ANU. So shame on you, Woroni Editors, for shame that you would destroy something that was once so beautiful. But I also laugh in your face. Dead as it may be, the Backpage will live on forever in my memory. It was a brave section – a most wonYour attempts to eliminate it can never bear fruit, for the Backpage’s roots are not in the Editors’ hands, but in the very essence of Woroni itself.

And so I end, not with mourning, but with a salute – to the Backpage, the one section that exists in Woroni’s eternity.

Yours sincerely, Vincent Chiang Woroni Editor 2013 EDITOR’S NOTE: Vincent is jumping the gun here. We haven’t cut the “back page” at all. Just the cat photos.