Sleep Divorce: The Pros and Cons for Your Relationship

BY JENNINE ESTES ESTES THERAPY

Here at Estes Therapy, we work with a variety of relationship issues and sleep (or lack thereof) is a topic that can impact couples in a negative way. Sleep divorce, a term that doesn’t sound so nice, is an option for couples who struggle to sleep in the same bed together. In this article, we will go over what sleep divorce is, how it can help improve your relationship and the pros and cons of trying sleep divorce.

What is sleep divorce?

Frequently couples have difficulty sleeping together for a variety of reasons – snoring, tossing and turning, sleep terrors, different sleep schedules, insomnia due to anxiety, and more. Couples attempt to re- solve the problem but continue to struggle sleeping together. When they cannot resolve the issue, they make a joint decision to sleep separately to improve their sleep quality, called sleep divorce. Although the term sounds harsh, it simply means sleeping in two different locations. This has been around for years, but the term is new in social media. The main agenda of sleep divorce is prioritizing the quality of sleep. Sleep divorce is not after one of those nasty nighttime arguments and one person grabs their pillow and heads to the guest bedroom. It is not a wall built from disconnection and the marriage coming to a halt. It is a clear decision made by both people with the goal to have healthy sleep.

With clear communication and a secure relationship, sleep divorce can be extremely healthy. The more secure a couple is in the relationship, the easier it is for the couple to feel connected when in separate rooms.

Can a sleep divorce improve your relationship?

Yes. Sleep divorce can improve relationships drastically. Sleep is an essential part of our overall well-being, especially with mental health. When people struggle with their sleep, they are unable to regulate emotionally, they have difficulty having patience with one another, resentment builds, and arguments increase, all of which cause a wedge in the relationship. The more rested the body is, the better people can regulate their emotions, have empathy toward others, and communicate more effectively.

What are the pros and cons of trying a sleep divorce?

Pros:

•Improve the relationship: Quality of life and the relationship will improve with a sufficient amount of sleep. Being well-rested helps increase the ability to emotionally regulate, decrease irritability, improve mood, have patience with others, and problem-solve better. •Intentional intimacy: Some couples have spontaneous intimacy in the bedroom, whereas sleep divorce forces couples to make emotional and sexual intimacy a priority. Couples create intentional intimacy moments, such as drinking coffee in the morning together, continued on page 20

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