Dating Tips for Over-50s

BY CHRIS TOBIAS

Divorce, separation, bereavement: these can happen to anyone. And as more people live longer, the chances of being single in later life increase too. But if the last time you went on a date was twenty years ago, where do you start? Here are some simple tips to make dating when you're over 50 a little easier.

It's not all about appearances. Yes, there's going to be an element of physical attraction if your new relationship becomes serious, but most older people know that there's more to a person than a gym-toned body. One of the advantages of having some life experience is that it teaches you to look beyond the first impression and to discover more about someone's personality. Don't put off dating just because you no longer have the body of a 25 year old.

It takes time to get to know someone.

When you were 20 you were likely to meet someone, be physically attracted to them, get into a romantic or sexual relationship and then, over time, get to know them. At that point you might discover they're not the person you imagined them to be and the relationship ends. When you're older, it's the other way around. Sometimes there's an initial spark, but more often romance happens after you get to know the other person, not before.

You're more likely to meet someone if

you expand your social circle. You're not going to encounter different people if you stick to your old familiar routines. Take up a hobby or activity that involves meeting new people. Try an evening class, join a walking group, or sign up for a local book club. The more people you get to know, the more chances that you might meet someone special.

Don't treat every social interaction as

a potential date. There is someone out there for you, but there are also a lot of people who just want to be friends. Not everyone who smiles at you is romantically interested in you. Flirting at every opportunity won't make you more attractive; it'll just make you seem creepy.

You're not trying to recreate your pre-

vious relationship. If you've come out of a long marriage, or if your partner of many years has passed away, there's naturally a grieving process for that relationship. Part of that process is wishing you could recreate something that makes you feel happy again. The fact is, you can feel happy and loved and appreciated and content, but your next relationship won't be the same as your last one. If you meet someone new, then your relationship will be new too. Don't try to turn it into your old one.

A date isn't a marriage proposal. If you've had a long relationship, even if it went wrong in the end, your expectations will be based on that experience. You can find another long-term partner, but you're unlikely to meet your new soulmate on the first attempt. Getting back into dating means meeting with people and discovering there's no spark. Don't try to make something work that's clearly going nowhere. Say it's not right for you and move on (and be prepared to have them say the same to you).

Don't assume that you know the type

of person who's right for you. Just because you fell in love with someone when you were 25 doesn't mean that you must meet the same kind of person again. Don't tell yourself that you need someone who shares all your interests and opinions either. A few mutual interests is a good place to start, but dating someone who thinks and acts differently from you can open your eyes to new horizons.

Getting back into dating in your 50s can seem scary, especially if it's been a long time since you were single. Remember that it's not all about instant physical attraction, it's about expanding your social circle, meeting new people and allowing romance to happen naturally rather than forcing it. If you get to know someone and feel there's mutual attraction, ask them on a date, but bear in mind that it's not necessarily going to lead to anything long term. Challenge your assumptions about yourself and the kind of person you might want to date, and remember that there's another person out there looking for someone just like you.l

Preventing Burnout

BY CHRIS TOBIAS

With hustle culture on the rise and social media glorifying being a workaholic, it's hard not to get caught up in the grind as well. There's absolutely nothing wrong with hard work and a few long days here and there. Yet, a person can't survive on caffeine and fumes alone for long. So how can you work for what you want and avoid burning out?

Take Short Breaks

It may seem counterintuitive to take breaks when you want to get your work done, but taking time for your brain to take a rest is imperative. Your brain doesn't work optimally for more than 90 minutes at a time on a single task, so taking a break every 50-90 minutes can make you more productive and better able to do the work you need to do. You don't have to take long breaks. 1520 minutes a few times throughout the day suffice, in addition to a more extended break for lunch. So what should you do for your break? Experts say that it doesn't matter, as long as you're not focusing on work. You can take a few moments to read, scroll through social media, or take a walk. This time away from your workstation might be just what you need to bring your brain back into gear so you can focus on your next task ahead.

Take Long Breaks

Most companies offer paid time off after a certain amount of time, and you should take advantage of this. You can spend your time at home, go on a weekend getaway, or travel to a new country for a week or two if it's within your budget. Working day in and day out week after week can be very exhausting, leading to not having an appropriate work/life balance. Take the time that you earned and use it on yourself. You owe yourself that much.

Practice Good Sleep Habits

One common aspect of hustle culture is praising working late into the night and getting up early to focus on your goals. However, this can lead to negative consequences such as poor health, and of course, burnout. Try to limit your caffeine intake to the morning and early afternoon so that you don't find your sleep disrupted when you desperately need it. Also, consider limiting your use of technology before you go to bed, as the blue light from screens is known to cause problems with falling and staying asleep during the night.

Schedule Time With Friends

Burnout can easily rob you of joy. It can leave you feeling upset, isolated, and lost. So, to prevent feeling isolated, it's essential to make time for the things that are truly important to you, such as spending time with friends and family. So schedule a lunch or dinner with a friend every so often. After a particularly stressful day of work, recharging with a positive social interaction can be just what you need to take the edge off and prevent burning out.

Spend Time On Your Hobbies

When work is particularly stressful, it's easy to lose yourself in the daily grind and neglect your own needs. But it's important not to let your passions fall to the wayside. Not everything you do has to be monetized in some way. For example, say you love painting. In that case, you can try attending a wine and painting class or spending a quiet weekend morning getting some art on your canvas. Or, if you love staying active, you can consider joining a boxing class or a yoga class. This can provide you something to look forward to and be a way to maintain self-worth without it being tied solely to your work and productivity.

Reach Out to Loved Ones

Don't keep it to yourself if you feel that you may be on the road to burnout. Talk to a friend or trusted family member and tell them how you're feeling. When under stress, it can be hard to want to get out of your head, but sometimes that's just what you need. With an outside perspective, you may discover solutions and opportunities that you never realized that you had before.

Take Care Of Yourself

The most important thing you can do when facing burnout is to care for yourself the best that you possibly can. Selfcare involves eating well, getting enough exercise, getting enough sleep, and reducing or completely cutting out substances such as nicotine or alcohol. It's easier to prevent burnout than to recover from it, so make sure that you're taking breaks, practicing self-care, and maintaining a good work/life balance. When you feel burnout creeping in, don't be afraid to reach out to others or take the necessary time off. Your main priority should always be you, not your job. l

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Ways in Which a Toxic Relationship Could Kill You

BY MARY CAMPBELL

Relationships are good. Humans need to be in relationships. You stay connected when you are in a relationship. But what if the relationship is toxic? Is it better to be in a toxic relationship or not to be in a relationship at all? But first, are you in a toxic relationship? Consider, for instance, whether you live in mortal fear of your partner. Do you walk on eggshells whenever you're with your partner? Do you fear speaking your mind as this might lead to a put-down or a potentially violent temper flare-up? A toxic relationship is characterized by a repetitive, unhealthy pattern that is destructive to one or both partners. If your well-being is threatened physically, emotionally, or psychologically, then you are in a toxic relationship. A toxic person could be excessively jealous, insecure, domineering, or manipulative. The toxic behavior may include disrespect, lying, belittling, and or outright name-calling. Toxic relationships are found in all spheres of life. A toxic relationship can involve a family member, a friend, a work colleague, or a boss. Sometimes, toxic relationships are caused by both parties, but they can also be caused by one person. Some people are overly negative and argumentative, correcting others constantly. They just sap your energy. Apart from making you unhappy, toxic relationships severely affect your health. A toxic relationship could lead to: •Heart problems Researchers affiliated with the Department of Epidemiology and Public Health of the University College London, London, surveyed relationship quality among 9,000 men and women in the British Civil Service. In results published in 2007, participants who reported difficult relationships were 34 percent more likely to develop heart problems. And a 2016 University of Michigan study confirmed that adverse relationships affect a couple's cardiovascular system. The study recorded a rise in blood pressure when couples in stressful relationships were interacting with each other. This can lead to long-term elevated blood pressure. •Chronic stress A toxic relationship wears you down and affects your physical and mental health. Stress weakens your immune system, affecting virtually every aspect of your health. Negative social interactions, whether with family, friends, or neighbors, are a source of stress, which can cause inflammation in your body. A study published in March 2021 concluded that women who experienced high levels of social strain were at greater risk of suffering a heart attack or dying of cardiovascular disease than those who did not. The participants were followed up for nearly 15 years. The study was published in the Journal of the American Heart Association. Constant strain puts your body in permanent "flight or fight" mode. This eventually raises inflammation levels in the body, with serious health consequences. A 2014 report in the Psychological Bulletin reviewed a study in which couples were asked to participate in supportive as well as hostile marital interactions. The highest inflammation was reported in couples with the highest levels of hostility. •Depression A study by researchers associated with the University of California, Los Angeles, whose findings were reported in Psychological Bulletin, concluded that the risk for depression is greatest when people suffer social rejection. The study reviewed 7,300 adults in a communitydwelling and found that people's risk for continued on page13

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