Is Marriage Necessary for a Healthy Relationship?

BY MARY CAMPBELL

Whether you're single or in a relationship, everyone has different views and opinions on marriage. Some people believe that marriage is an essential part of a healthy relationship. Others think it's an outdated ritual that isn't necessary these days. While some see marriage as a necessary step towards commitment, others see it as an unnecessary encumbrance, or something that could end your relationship if things don't work out. This article will explore various perspectives on marriage and relationships, including why some people choose not to get married and whether marriage is necessary for a healthy relationship.

Skipping the nuptials Some people don't get married because they just don't want to. They don't feel that being married is necessary to their relationship, and they don't feel any pressure to go down the path of marriage. If both people in a relationship agree that they don't feel the need to be married, there's no reason they shouldn't be together. They should go into their relationship with that mindset. If you're in a relationship where one person wants to be married and the other person doesn't, that's a recipe for disaster. It's a sure-fire way to create resentment in your relationship, and it could lead to a breakup.

Marriage doesn't always mean healthy Being married does not guarantee that you have a healthy relationship. You can have a great relationship without being married. In fact, you may be able to enjoy a better relationship that's more honest and open if you don't get married. Being married can be a hindrance to having a healthy relationship. It can make you feel trapped, and it can make you feel like you're stuck in a situation that you don't want to be in. One of the main reasons marriage is not a prerequisite for a healthy relationship is the myth of the "happily ever after." Many people want to get married because they believe that marriage will solve all their problems. But the fact is, that's the wrong reason to get married. Marriage should not be viewed as a cure for relationship problems. It should be entered into with the full knowledge of the commitment to share the good and the bad.

Be honest Marriage can be a good thing. But marriage is a promise that you're making to another person for the rest of your life. It's a grand gesture, and it's something that shouldn't be taken lightly. It's a bind-

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Understand

Is Marriage Necessary?/ continued from page 20 Relationship Abuse ing contract between two people that shouldn't be entered into without careful consideration. If you're in a relationship and you want to get married, make sure that both of you are ready for such a big commitment. The last thing you want to do is rush into marriage as a way to "fix" your relationship or out of fear that it may end. That could lead to regret and resentment down the road. Be honest with each other and yourself. You may believe you want to get married, but give it more consideration if you have the slightest doubt.

Focus on the relationship, not the status Some people get married believing their relationship will always be good because they took vows. But it's not that simple. Many people get married and at the same time, neglect to work on their relationship. They focus on the status of their relationship rather than the relationship itself. If you have issues in your relationship, you need to address them, and you need to address them while you're single. You cannot wait until you're married to deal with problems that may exist in your relationship. Unfortunately, a lot of people do just that. They get married because they believe it will strengthen their relationship. However, problems

We're all affected by the issue of domestic violence. To understand relationship abuse, we must recognize that it is more than physical violence. Ending the harm and stigma of domestic violence requires a nuanced understanding of the behaviors that define it, as well as examples of healthy relationships to inform your decisions and interactions moving forward.

Abuse Defined Domestic violence (also referred to as intimate partner violence (IPV), dating abuse, or relationship abuse) is a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship. Domestic violence doesn’t discriminate. People of any race, age, gender, sexuality, religion, education level, or economic status can be a victim — or perpetrator — of domestic violence. That includes behaviors that physically harm, intimidate, manipulate or control a partner, or otherwise force them to behave in ways they don’t want to, including through physical violence, threats, emotional abuse, or financial control. Multiple forms of abuse are usually present at the same time in abusive situations, and it’s essential to understand how these behaviors interact so you know what to look for. When we know what relationship looks like and means, we can then take steps to get help for ourselves as well as better support others who are experiencing abuse.

Warning Signs of Abuse At the start of a new relationship, it’s not always easy to tell if it will later become abusive. In fact, many abusive people appear like ideal partners in the early stages of a relationship. Domestic violence warning signs don’t always appear overnight and may emerge and intensify as the relationship grows. Every relationship is different and domestic violence doesn’t always look the same. One feature shared by most abusive relationships is that the abusive partner tries to establish or gain power and control through many different methods, at different moments. Even one or two of these behaviors in a relationship is a red flag that abuse may be present. Common signs of abusive behavior in a partner include: •Telling you that you never do anything right. •Showing extreme jealousy of your friends or time spent away from them. •Preventing or discouraging you from spending time with friends, family members, or peers. •Insulting, demeaning, or shaming you, especially in front of other people. •Preventing you from making your own decisions, including about working or attending school. •Controlling finances in the household without discussion, including taking your money or refusing to provide money for necessary expenses. •Pressuring you to have sex or perform sexual acts you’re not comfortable with. •Pressuring you to use drugs or alcohol. •Intimidating you through threatening looks or actions. •Insulting your parenting or threatening to harm or take away your children or pets. •Intimidating you with weapons like guns, knives, bats, or mace. •Destroying your belongings or your home. Remember: no one deserves to experience abuse of any kind—for any reason.l

Source:National Domestic Violence Hotline. Visit www.thehotline.org

Legal Assistance Any victim of domestic violence — regardless of immigration or citizenship status — can seek help. An immigrant victim of domestic violence may also be eligible for immigration-related protections. If you are experiencing domestic violence in your home, you are not alone. A specialized immigration attorney should always be your first point of contact regarding immigration questions and concerns. You can also listen to Ask the Lawyer Radio Program on WVIP 93.5FM on Thursdays, 10pm-11pm, and Sundays, 11pm to 12am. The program provides excellent information and an opportunity for a confidential, legal consultation. The number to call is 855-7688845. You can also visit www.askthelawyer.us l may persist or even increase due to the pressure of marital commitment. Later, they sweep the problems under the rug because the stigma of divorce is so big that they don't want to address the issue and get a divorce.

The Bottom Line If you're in a relationship that's meant to be long-lasting, you don't have to be married to each other to have a healthy relationship. You just need to be honest with each other. Work on your issues, and love each other for who you are. If you want to get married, make sure you're both choosing marriage for the right reasons and at the right time. Marriage does not guarantee a perfect relationship. However, it is a pact between two people to build the best life possible while navigating life's positive and negative aspects together. l

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NYC POLITICS The 4 Ballot Questions Up for a Vote in New York in November

BY RACHEL HOLLIDAY SMITH, THE CITY

There will be more than just candidates on your ballot in November. New York City voters also will have four proposals to decide on: a statewide proposal that would boost spending in Albany on future environment-related projects plus three city proposals to create a “statement of values” for the government, form a racial equity office, and define how the cost of living is calculated. If approved, the four ballot questions — one that pertains to the state and three to the city — would each take effect right away. Based on history, it’s more likely than not that voters will approve them. According to the nonprofit Ballotpedia, New York State voters have approved just over 70% statewide ballot measures since 1985 — 39 of 55 total.

Proposal 1: Environmental Bond Act of 2022 This proposal would allow New York State to borrow $4.2 billion through a bond issuance for specific environmentrelated projects and policy efforts. That includes $250 million for improving stormwater systems, $200 million for wastewater infrastructure, $500 million for zero-emissions school buses and $1.5 billion for climate mitigation such as wetland protection and renewable energy projects. Elizabeth Moran, an Albany-based policy advocate at EarthJustice, said the bond act is a good start, but the state will “need to invest far more when it comes to addressing the climate crisis.” “We would get a boost should voters approve this. The state will get a boost from the recently passed Inflation Reduction Act. But we know that a lot more is going to be needed,” Moran said. This would be the first environmental bond act enacted for 26 years in New York, according to the Rockefeller Institute of Government. The idea for the Bond Act has been around for several years, but first took form when then-governor Andrew Cuomo introduced it in his 2020 State of the State address as a $3 billion bond issuance. It might have gone to voters that year, but was ultimately cut from the state government priority list due to overlapping financial concerns as the COVID-19 crisis unfolded. Gov. Kathy Hochul revived the concept last fall, adding another $1.2 billion to the total. The state legislature approved the measure as part of this year’s budget package, sending it to voters as a November ballot proposal.

Proposal 2: Statement of Values for City Government This measure would create a mission statement of sorts for New York’s government by adding a preamble to the city charter that includes a statement of “values and vision,” the ballot proposal says, that aims to create a “just and equitable city for all.” The proposal, like proposals three and four, was born from former mayor Bill de Blasio’s Racial Justice Commission (RJC). The mayor convened the RJC in 2021 following the widespread protests of systemic racism and police violence in 2020. In the RJC’s final report, it recommended a preamble that “acknowledges and speaks to historical wrongs” in order to “reconstruct, revise and reimagine our city’s foundations, structures, institutions, and laws to promote justice and equity for all New Yorkers.” “The first step towards accountability and healing is telling the truth,” the commission wrote.

Proposal 3: Racial Equity Plans and Office This measure would bring three new requirements to the city charter: mandating that all city agencies create “racial equity plans” every two years, establishing a new Office of Racial Equity to coordinate racial equity planning across city government and creating a Commission on Racial Equity. That commission would identify and propose priorities for racial equity planning, and review the racial equity plans for each city agency. In its report, the RJC said it heard input from “dozens of speakers” as it took public testimony “about the need for a centralized body within city government tasked with ensuring that the city intentionally works toward undoing the legacy of structural racism.” “We heard that without a clear focus on racial equity, we cannot get to our goal of a city where race is no longer determinative of economic, political, social, or psychological outcomes,” the report says.

Proposal 4: True Cost of Living This measure would mandate that the city government use a new method to calculate the “true cost of living” in the city without taking into account public, private or informal assistance a person or household may receive. The RJC advocated for this change, it said, because it concluded that current poverty measures are not accurate for New York City’s needs or policy decisions. A commonly used federal poverty measure developed decades ago does not take regional costs into consideration, it said. To combat that, New York created its own measure — called the NYCgov Poverty Measure — but “it still calculates public assistance as income,” which skews the economic picture, says the report Instead, the proposed “true cost” measure would be based on “actual household income required to meet the essential needs of people living in New York City,” the commission said. It would include costs related to housing, childcare, food, transportation, healthcare, clothing and shoes, hygiene products, household items, and telephone and internet services, among other things. Andrew Rein at the Citizens Budget Commission said there is “logic for the measure” and it “might very well be useful,” but cautioned that it may need to be more specific. For example, he asked, if all housing subsidies should be removed from the calculation, “Are you saying that you should figure out what the housing market would be in New York without NYCHA supporting it? Or rent-stabilized apartments?” “There’s really a lot of complexity,” he said. “What is outlined here is a good start, but really, it would probably be much better if it were refined.” l

New York NY/USA-November 5, 2019 A voter wears her "I Voted" sticker on Election Day in New York Editorial credit: rblfmr / Shutterstock.com

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