Who Wears the Pants in a Relationship Matters

Who Wears the Pants in a Relationship Matters – Especially If You’re a Woman

BY LAINA BAY-CHENG HE CONVERSATION

When it comes to power in romantic relationships, men are often cast as dominant and women as deferential. But working against this are caricatures of domineering women with their “hen-pecked husbands” and “whipped boyfriends.” At the same time, popular culture is replete with representations of striving and self-serving women – from celebrities like Beyoncé to the TV show “Girls” – who engage in relationships with men as social equals on a level playing field. The idea that during relationship conflicts, women can be just as volatile, combative and aggressive as men – what researchers refer to as “gender symmetry” – is also gaining traction.

But appearances of gender equality can be deceiving. In my most recent study, I asked 114 young adults about their heterosexual relationship experiences. Unsurprisingly, power was skewed in favor of one partner (versus being equally balanced or shared) in most of their relationships. What’s more, male and female participants were equally likely to see themselves as the ones wearing the proverbial “pants” in a relationship. But the appearance of symmetry disappeared once we looked at the implications of these power differences. The young men and women may have been equally likely to report imbalances in their relationships and to feel subordinate in their relationships. However, the costs of feeling subordinate were not equal.

Looking below the surface To learn more about young adults’ sexual experiences – not just simply documenting what they did with whom, but trying to understand how they think and feel about those experiences – I recruited men and women between the ages of 18 and 25 to complete Digital Sexual Life History Calendars (also known as d/SLICE). d/SLICE is a secure website where participants create a timeline of their sexual and relationship experiences. (There’s a face-to-face interview version, too.) They rate different aspects of the relationships and share details and anecdotes along the way using text, emojis, images and even audio clips. In the current study, my colleagues and I focused on one portion of the data: how the 114 participants (59 women and 55 men) rated their various heterosexual relationships (395 in all), from one-time hookups to long-term commitments, in terms of stability (how harmonious and even-keeled a relationship was); intimacy (how emotionally close and connected they felt); and the balance of power between them and a partner. We tested whether the balance of power in a relationship was related to its perceived stability and intimacy. We also explored participants’ descriptions and anecdotes for other clues into the power dynamics in a relationship. At first glance, gender didn’t seem to matter. Comparable proportions of women and men reported that they had been the dominant or subordinate partner in a relationship. We also found that if people felt like their partners had more power, they tended to think of their relationships as significantly less stable and intimate. On the other hand, if people thought they were in egalitarian relationships – or if they thought they were the ones calling the shots – they viewed their relationship as more stable and intimate. But when we looked more closely at participants’ experiences, this apparent gender symmetry disappeared.

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Whp Wears the Pants/ continued from page 17 Looking separately at women and men, we found that it was only women who thought the quality of their relationship changed depending on how much power they held. When they felt subordinate to a male partner, they perceived the relationship as less stable and less intimate.

For men, it didn’t seem to matter whether they had more or less power in a relationship. They felt relationships in which they were dominant were just as stable and intimate as ones in which they were subordinate.

Paying more for having less power When we turned to participants’ openended descriptions of their relationships, we found even more potent evidence of what a difference power can make for young women. For some young women in our study, power imbalances didn’t just mean a relationship felt less tender or was a little rocky. They were also subject to coercion and abuse. This was true for 12 women who held less power in a relationship (including two who depended on a partner for basic needs like housing) – and even for three who felt like they had more power than their partner. On the flip side, two men in our study said they had controlling girlfriends, but in neither case did this mean there was physical, sexual or emotional abuse, as it

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did for the young women. (One wrote that a high school girlfriend didn’t let him see friends and made him feel “selfloathing,” but summed up the relationship as “three miserable years filled with great sex.”)

Why are the stakes of power imbalances lower for men than women? Relationships don’t happen in a social vacuum. A man may have less power than his girlfriend or wife, but in the world beyond their relationship, he’s cushioned by a still-intact system of male privilege. Men are less likely to worry about the possibility of being assaulted or abused by a female partner. For men, having less power in a relationship is an exception – and usually a benign one – to the rule. For young women – especially those who are also racially or socioeconomically marginalized – relationships in which they have less power are just yet another domain (on top of workplaces, classrooms and public spaces like streets and subways) in which they need to guard against sexism in all its forms. Endless battling for equality and defending against mistreatment is exhausting. And for women, it does not make for warm, harmonious relationships. It’s tempting to look only at surface indicators of gender equality and buy in to the fiction that we’ve somehow “solved” sexism (or any other form of bias and oppression). It allows us to feel like we’re in total control of our lives (which has important psychological dividends) and off the hook for worrying about anyone else’s. But if we look closely and deeply at women’s lived experiences – relationships with men included – enduring gender inequalities and the toll they take become apparent.l Laina Bay-Cheng is an Associate Professor of Social Work, University at Buffalo

Ana María Archila: A Strong Leader and Voice for the People of New York

BY VICTORIA FALK EXCLUSIVE TO CAW

Who is Ana María Archila? The Columbian immigrant migrated to New York when she was 17-years old and dedicated most of her adult life to fighting for the rights of underserved New Yorkers. She gained national attention in 2018 when she confronted former Senator Jeff Flake in a Capitol elevator to protest Brett Kavanaugh's appointment to the Supreme Court due to unresolved sexual assault allegations against him. However, outside of her bold stance in the elevator, much more remains to be known about Ms. Archila. During an exclusive interview with Caribbean American Weekly, Archila spoke candidly about her life, views, and why she wants to be the next Lieutenant Governor for New York. She shared her values, her view of the role of Lieutenant Governor, and how she plans to use her voice to shape the agenda for the betterment of the people when she is elected to the position. Archila is seeking support for her candidacy and wants New Yorkers to know why she should get their vote in the upcoming primary elections held on Tuesday, June 28, 2022. Archila explained that she has a fondness for New York and its people. "New York is the place that welcomed me. New York is where I have lived and worked for almost 20 years. For the last 20 years, I have been a community organizer, building organizations that allow working-class immigrants, Black and Brown communities, to be respected and taken seriously in our democracy," stated Ana María Archila.

Immigrant Roots As an immigrant herself, who came to New York without knowing English, she can understand the plight of the immigrant community. "I came, and I had to learn English. I understand first-hand what uprooting means and how difficult it is to find our way in a new place. I have spent most of my adult life inside immigrant communities, hearing the stories of workers whose wages were stolen because they are undocumented. I have listened to the students and parents who cannot communicate with their school, and hearing people who go to the hospital never have the opportunity to consent to the treatment they are given because there is no language access. I've also spent a lot of time listening to young people fighting to have the best education they can," shared Archila. She recognized that although New York is "the immigrant state," it still holds on to policies that exclude immigrants.

Role As Lieutenant Governor Ana María Archila plans to use her role as Lieutenant Governor for New York to speak up for immigrants' rights and others whose needs usually get swept aside and go unheard: including women, workers, and the LGBTQ+ community. If elected as the next Lieutenant Governor for New York, Ana María Archila will make history as the first Latina and the first LGBTQ+ statewide official in New York. During the exclusive interview with Caribbean American Weekly, Archila shared that she is running for Lieutenant Governor for New York "...to make sure all New Yorkers can have an affordable home, excellent healthcare, and high-quality education. So that mothers and fathers know that their paychecks will be enough to feed their family and that children have the childcare and more that they need.

Ana María Archila

Photo Ana María Archila Campaign

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Ana María Archila/ continued from page 19 I'm running to make sure that immigrant, Black, and Brown workers whose labor carried us through the pandemic are met not just with nice words, but with policies that honor their sacrifice."

Dedication and Commitment Archila shared with Caribbean American Weekly her dedication and commitment to helping "regular people" and her strength and conviction in wanting to change the way the Lieutenant Governor position is viewed. She discussed several instances where Lieutenant Governor Brian Benjamin did not speak up when Governor Kathy Hochul was rolling back progress already made. "Governor Hochul chose to leave out the Excluded Worker Fund, which provided support to essential workers who didn't have access to other support during the pandemic. There will be a huge expansion to childcare, but she wants to leave out undocumented immigrants." Archila views it a "disgrace" to sit back and say nothing when you know something wrong is being done. "I hope to model a different way of leading and serving New York. The Lieutenant Governor should be an ally in the executive mansion, making sure the needs of regular people are at the conversation," declared Archila. She sees herself as having the ability to work cooperatively as a partner with whoever is elected the next Governor of New York and to check that person — holding them accountable for their responsibilities to the people.

Executive Experience and Priorities "I have a lot of executive experience that I bring to the table, which is important because the Lieutenant Governor has to be able to step into the role as Governor if he or she cannot continue their duty," explained Archila, who helped co-found grassroots organizations. "I helped build Make the Road New York, one of the country's leading immigrants' rights organizations, and built the Center for Popular Democracy, where there are affiliates in 33 states and Puerto Rico. I'm ready to build a New York for the many, not the few, and I humbly ask for your support," declared Archila. She plans to focus on the things she deems priorities to most New Yorkers: •Affordable housing •Affordable and accessible childcare •Good wages •Access to healthcare •Make sure immigrants are included in all the systems of support that are available to the rest of New Yorkers.

Support for Candidacy Ana María Archila has already received significant endorsements, including from the New York Working Families Party, which asked her to step into the role, from community organizations, and several elected officials. Endorsements include Make the Road Action, Tenants PAC, Community Voices Heard Power, the New York Progressive Action Network, NYC Public Advocate Jumaane Williams, NYC Comptroller Brad Landor, multiple City Council Members, and more. Go to www.anaMaríaforny.com if you want to learn more about Archila and support her campaign. Ana María Archila wants New Yorkers to remember to vote her in as the next Lieutenant Governor because, "I will fight for you, and I will use every single day to make sure we are focused on the things New Yorkers really care about." l

Ana María Archila

Editorial credit: Stephanie Kenner / Shutterstock.com

Archila’s interview was done before Benjamin’s arrest. Here is her statement in response to the arrest of Lt. Governor Brian Benjamin on bribery charges:

"Our elected officials should be held to the highest ethical standard to preserve the public trust, and Brian Benjamin has violated that compact. Albany has been plagued by corruption for too long, with politicians trading favors for the money of the wealthy and powerful. This must stop now.”

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RACE FOR LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR

21 A Conversation with Diana Reyna Who Is Ready to Serve New York As Its First Latino and Female Lieutenant Governor

BY LINDA NWOKE EXCLUSIVE TO CAW

Diana Reyna is a New Yorker with over two decades of experience in politics. She served as the immediate past Deputy Brooklyn Borough President for the first four years under now Mayor Eric Adams and, for twelve years, served in the New York City Council representing the 34th District. But now, Ms. Reyna is the running mate for U.S. Representative Thomas Suozzi's Governorship candidacy for the position of the Lieutenant Governor of New York in the 2022 election. What should New Yorkers expect? Why is she running for the position? What qualities set her apart from other competitors, and what qualifies her for this position? These were some of the questions Caribbean American Weekly asked the first Dominican-American woman to be elected into New York's public office. Proven Leadership It is important to me to see the New York I need for my children and our families. The opportunity to be able to provide New York with proven leadership. I have the executive and the legislative skills our state requires to be redirected into the forward path. We have out-of-control crime and public safety issues. The Washington Post considers New York state the most corrupt state in the United States, and people deserve better.

Vision for New York & Priorities We have to address public safety because that is precisely what we've repeatedly been hearing. The issue of bail reform needs fixing. We cannot be too proud to say we did something wrong, and we have to try to understand where the fix is necessary. We need to allow judges to look at history when they're reviewing cases before them. Working with law enforcement, judges, district attorneys, and prosecutors isn't one person's job. This requires all of us, including the public. If the public does not invest in the process, we cannot address public safety. It allows me to be able to address affordability in our state. Over 300,000 people have left New York just last year alone. And when people go, it's because something's wrong. Since 1957, we have had 45 congressional districts in New York. Today we have 27 congressional districts. We are losing one more. We're down to 26 congressional districts. We lose federal funding when we lose congressional districts and have a $220 billion state budget. If we have fewer people, our taxes will continued on page 22

Diana Reyna

Photo Diana Reyna Campaign

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Diana Reyna/ continued from page 21

continue to go sky high, more sales tax, higher gasoline tax, and electricity bills. These taxes are drawn, driving New York out of the middle class, and the poor are squeezed into communities. We have to do better about the affordability crisis that we're experiencing in New York. We're not investing in what would be the wealth gap. Owning something in New York is very important to families and providing for them is critical. Homeownership opportunity requires an affordability conversation.

Education and NYC's Segregated System Education is in a crisis. We're not talking about education that lost two years because of the pandemic. Before the pandemic, we had 66% of students leaving college and not finishing with debt. Before that, they already were experiencing a two-year gap in education. Our educational content must align with where our children need to be. We have to fix our troubled schools and build an educational system that will provide them with career skills. We have to invest in prevention and intervention programs in the schools and advance our curriculum and support. People want to see more parental representation in the Parent Educational Plans (PEPs). The opportunities to improve schools shift the school's interest, and then we start to see a more integrated school. But you cannot address the racial and ethnic segregation issues if we're not improving our schools. Open enrollment is only going to exacerbate the schools that are doing well. So, what we have to do is raise the standards. We have to ensure that we provide our teachers the adequate training, and we need more state aid coming into our schools.

We also must remember that we have to start inspecting what we expect from our government. Assess the opportunities to have advanced curriculum, dual language, and global education in our educational system. That should be the standard across every school. Leadership in these schools is also critical. It's setting a climate of excellence for every school, not just some schools.

New York's Failing Health Care System Failing Minorities & Plans to Address This Inequity? If we look at our health indicators, they're in the same communities where we have safety-net hospitals. Those are the publicly funded hospitals that are always underfunded. So that's the first order of business. It's funding and investing in these hospitals' infrastructure on the Upper East Side. You have a first responding vehicle that can reverse a stroke within the first 72 hours of an instance of a stroke. But you don't find it in Bushwick, in Bedford-Stuyvesant, where the stroke is the highest indicator in all of the city of New York. And so, when we think of our health care, let's look at measures and resources. What is maintained in other communities that helps people live longer, and we have to learn from that and then take that model and apply it is where needed most. We have to triage our health care system to function for patients to access dental, vision, and primary care. We also need to consider preventative measures, look at the person's medical history, and have coordinated medical care.

The Lieutenant Governor's Race I am very confident that the people will vote for a proven leader, executive, and people that know how to govern. And being an activist is not necessarily how you manage. Tom Suozzi [running mate for Governor] and I are experienced leaders and have a very unified approach. We want to engage people, to get them involved and remain involved. And being able to run with someone that understands these issues like me is very important. Tom Suozzi and I are running independently, but together, understanding that people will want leadership that know how to govern.

Diana Reyna

Photo Diana Reyna Campaign

Thoughts on the Brian Benjamin, Former the Lieutenant Governor Arrested on Campaign Fraud and Resigning, and the Effect on Her Campaign I think it affected Governor Hochul's campaign more than mine. She now has a credibility issue. Her selection was her first order of business in the state of New York. She gave Brian Benjamin authority to oversee the budget negotiations and the power to preside over the Senate and represent her administration. That speaks volumes of her bad judgment, leadership, and integrity. The odds as far as lieutenant governor for me have risen. But I cannot tell you how saddened it makes me, and I feel for Brian Benjamin's family.

Endorsements and Support for Candidacy So, I have received the endorsement of former Bronx Borough President Fernando Ferrer. I have received Councilmember Bob Holden's approval and Tom's. I received IBEW Local Three, Local 25, Local 1049, UAW Local One and Two Brotherhood of Railroad Signalman Local 56. And we're working towards D.C. 37. We're working towards UFT and peers in government. Ours is a campaign that welcomes everyone's endorsement. If you believe in what we're talking about and want to discuss ideas for moving our state forward, we would like to meet with you. If you have an opportunity that you think will drive economic activity in this state so that it can create jobs, an idea to invest in our schools, we welcome that. We need everyone involved in this campaign. Follow me on social media @Reyna4NY.l

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